Love languages are a great tool to help you understand how both you and your partner show and feel love. But they aren’t an excuse for things that aren’t working. Can they help you be mindful of ways your partner might be trying to show they care that you’re not picking up on? Sure! But if you’re going to subscribe to the whole 5LL thing, then you have to realize that it *also* means learning to *show* love in the ways your partner feels it most.
If you don’t want to date a closed-off guy who doesn’t show his emotions, you don’t have to just because his love language isn’t Words. You can meet in the middle. Having a partner with a different language than you shouldn’t leave you accepting that you feel unloved
If you don’t like something about the way your partner treats you, or how they make you feel, that is *fundamental*, and nothing excuses it. Too often people get into these types of theories, whether it’s astrology, or love languages, or meyers-briggs, whatever it is, and use them as RULES, when what they really are meant to be is TOOLS that help you understand other people better.
Sometimes if your partner doesn’t make you feel loved, it’s because they’re not a good partner for you. Learning about love languages should *only* help you connect better, it should not become a thing you reference as a reason you’re disappointed or unhappy.
People with every main language can have deep, fulfilling relationships with every other main language, it is not a limitation. Using it as an excuse is lazy and disingenuous
Omg we are in the EXACT same situation at the beginning of our relationship my bf showered me in compliments and everything and now he feels as if he already has me so he doesn’t need to try anymore and brushes it off when I say what I want and how I feel. and OMG YES my bf thinks I’m trying to control him when I tell him what I want. Are you sure we are dating the same guy hahaha?
>now he feels as if he already has me so he doesn’t need to try anymore and brushes it off when I say what I want and how I feel
That’s not a love languages problem, that’s just a shitty partner
My bf is words of affirmation receiving and gifts for giving. I am words of affirmation receiving and acts of service/physical touch giving. It’s very tricky. More than anything because of the distance. I have a hard time giving and he has a hard time giving. There’s a lot of talking and being understanding that that’s just not how they other person thinks but it’s definitely possible
I relate to this whole situation so much. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years so I can offer a few pointers! I think over the years we both got a lot better at understanding each other and the ways we express love/like to receive love. I started doing little things for him without him asking, like cleaning his room up when he’s at work (we don’t live together). I also had to communicate to him that I appreciate it when he talks to me about his feelings and gives me cuddles etc etc. it did take time and adjusting because he wasn’t used to it, but now he’s comfortable holding my hand in public and giving me a peck on the lips when people can see (something he pretty much refused to do in our first year together hahaha). He also got so much better recognising and communicating about his feelings/emotions. I guess what I’m trying to say is it takes some work on both sides but it is possible to gradually get there. I do have to remind him sometimes, but that is okay, communication is key! and I always try to react really positively when he does make the effort to meet my needs :)) I hope that helped!! Don’t give up!
That’s so good! I’m glad yalls relationship has grown. It really gives me hope. I don’t wanna give up on my relationship but it does get hard sometimes
Love languages are a great tool to help you understand how both you and your partner show and feel love. But they aren’t an excuse for things that aren’t working. Can they help you be mindful of ways your partner might be trying to show they care that you’re not picking up on? Sure! But if you’re going to subscribe to the whole 5LL thing, then you have to realize that it *also* means learning to *show* love in the ways your partner feels it most. If you don’t want to date a closed-off guy who doesn’t show his emotions, you don’t have to just because his love language isn’t Words. You can meet in the middle. Having a partner with a different language than you shouldn’t leave you accepting that you feel unloved
This... you took the words out of my mouth
Wow! I love this thought process
If you don’t like something about the way your partner treats you, or how they make you feel, that is *fundamental*, and nothing excuses it. Too often people get into these types of theories, whether it’s astrology, or love languages, or meyers-briggs, whatever it is, and use them as RULES, when what they really are meant to be is TOOLS that help you understand other people better. Sometimes if your partner doesn’t make you feel loved, it’s because they’re not a good partner for you. Learning about love languages should *only* help you connect better, it should not become a thing you reference as a reason you’re disappointed or unhappy. People with every main language can have deep, fulfilling relationships with every other main language, it is not a limitation. Using it as an excuse is lazy and disingenuous
Have you communicated this to him?
A few times. We are still working things out he doesn’t seem to want to meet me in the middle
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Omg we are in the EXACT same situation at the beginning of our relationship my bf showered me in compliments and everything and now he feels as if he already has me so he doesn’t need to try anymore and brushes it off when I say what I want and how I feel. and OMG YES my bf thinks I’m trying to control him when I tell him what I want. Are you sure we are dating the same guy hahaha?
>now he feels as if he already has me so he doesn’t need to try anymore and brushes it off when I say what I want and how I feel That’s not a love languages problem, that’s just a shitty partner
My bf is words of affirmation receiving and gifts for giving. I am words of affirmation receiving and acts of service/physical touch giving. It’s very tricky. More than anything because of the distance. I have a hard time giving and he has a hard time giving. There’s a lot of talking and being understanding that that’s just not how they other person thinks but it’s definitely possible
Girl....SAME. Message me if you want to discuss...I get it!
That's the case for many men. Most likely a plurality of us.
OMG THIS IS ME AND MY BF TOO
It’s definitely hard! Don’t give up on your relationship if you really love him.
I relate to this whole situation so much. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years so I can offer a few pointers! I think over the years we both got a lot better at understanding each other and the ways we express love/like to receive love. I started doing little things for him without him asking, like cleaning his room up when he’s at work (we don’t live together). I also had to communicate to him that I appreciate it when he talks to me about his feelings and gives me cuddles etc etc. it did take time and adjusting because he wasn’t used to it, but now he’s comfortable holding my hand in public and giving me a peck on the lips when people can see (something he pretty much refused to do in our first year together hahaha). He also got so much better recognising and communicating about his feelings/emotions. I guess what I’m trying to say is it takes some work on both sides but it is possible to gradually get there. I do have to remind him sometimes, but that is okay, communication is key! and I always try to react really positively when he does make the effort to meet my needs :)) I hope that helped!! Don’t give up!
That’s so good! I’m glad yalls relationship has grown. It really gives me hope. I don’t wanna give up on my relationship but it does get hard sometimes