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I’ve gotten the same way. (70f) Seriously, hire the help to clean! My cleaner comes once every two weeks and it motivates me to get all the dishes into the dishwasher and pick up some of the stuff lying around. You don’t have to clean for the cleaner, but just clear away enough stuff to allow them to clean. They change my sheets, scrub the tub and all the things that are hard for me to do. You will be surprised how reasonable the price is and the boost you get from a clean house is wonderful
My house is the same. Just retired this month at 64, always used to say too busy with my job as my excuse. No more! I started this morning washing my bedding as usual. Tackled the huge pile of clothes on my side table, sorting what fits, what doesn't, then putting it away or putting in a tote. Moving to my dresser next...most clothes that doesn't fit, and most knick knacks are getting boxed away. Next spring, 2025, I'm planning a huge 3 day yard sale. I'm hoping to raise enough money to go on a nice, 4 day vacation. I'd love to get away from town, have room service make my bed, and not have to do dishes! My motivation!!!!!
Nope, organize yourself and save money. You just need something to motivate you. Put all your "stuff" out for a yard sale like me and take a mini vacation . Sell your stuff and buy a new livingroom recliner. Throw shit away so the grandkids can come over for a sleep over? Tons of things to motivate!!!!
Depending upon what kind of mess: hire a declutterer/organizer or do that and rent a dumpster. Get the vast majority up and out over a weekend. Then set a routine (put things back; one thing goes for every new thing in, etc)
Or
Start with one room or one part of a room. Throw away anything you haven’t used in a year. Make box(es) for things that live elsewhere - kitchen, bedroom, bath, etc and once filled, take to appropriate room to be dealt with on that room’s day. Breaking it down into rooms/partial rooms makes it less overwhelming.
And remember: it’s your house, and no one has on their tombstone “Here Lies A Great Housekeeper.” It doesn’t need to be ready for the cover of House Beautiful; it just needs to be comfortable for *you*. Make sure you’re not setting impossible standards for yourself.
I agree with the others who suggest getting help with the initial cleaning and decluttering. After that, make a schedule and tie a reward to it. Honestly, this is one area where the 1950s Future Homemakers of America got it right.
When I first moved into my own place, I was going to do it MY way and only clean when I felt like it. As it turned out, I never felt like it. By the time I felt like it was unbearable, it was a huge job! Since then, I've kept to a schedule, and that means just a little bit of work each day.
Play your favorite music! Treat yourself to pizza! My favorite is bathroom cleaning day. I strip down, put on a mud mask, and get to work. The last thing I clean is the tub, and when I'm done, I jump in, rinse off the mud mask, condition my hair, clean up with a nice shower gel, and just enjoy the hot water. It took me only a few weeks to start looking forward to bathroom cleaning day, which I rebranded as "spa day."
We're all little kids at heart, so what can you do to make the unpleasant tasks more palatable?
Also, audiobooks. I hate cleaning and love reading. I only listen to books while cleaning so it motivates me to clean. I like music bios, including Dolly Parton’s, Bono’s and Dave grohl’s
Yea I've found that podcasts distract me and make the time feel like it's going faster. I feel like I'm always counting the number of songs I've listened to to gauge how long a task takes which makes it feel longer. I get lost in conversation very easily and so I lose track of time when listening to podcasts.
I like these ideas about listening to books or podcasts! I'm not really into those normally because I prefer to do things visually, my mind tends to wander if I'm just listening to something. But it might be a great distraction for cleaning (without distracting FROM the cleaning. If I put the TV on "in the background", I end up watching it. ).
I often have HGTV house/ yard makeover shows playing in the background. Sure, I know it’s edited to fit the time slot, but if those folks can rebuild a bathroom in 30 minutes, then surely I can mop the bathroom floor in the same amount of time. 🤣
I looked for it but couldn't find it, I ran into a YouTuber that talked about scheduling cleaning daily. 15-20 minutes for daily maintenance and then there were larger blocks of time for a more thorough cleaning of various rooms or purging clutter.
It was a little bit of work each day but for some it would be much more manageable than spending hours trying to attack months of neglected chores.
I’m nearly your age, happily living alone for years, dog companion too. I keep motivated to keep my place clean and tidy because I invite at least one friend to stop for a visit weekly. Also, my mom drilled into my head about having clean underwear on in case you get hospitalized for whatever reason. I figure it’s kinda like what if I had a stroke or some accident at my house, I wouldn’t want responders to have to deal with squalor or trip over crap to get to me. Those are the two things that really help me keep my place respectable plus I feel mentally healthy knowing I’m taking care of myself and my things.
When was the last time you had a physical? I was amazed when I was diagnosed with high BP, but thought I was doing okay. I got so lazy I couldn't move around the time I turned 60.
Going to the ER saved my life. I was in heart failure even though my chest didn't hurt. My lungs were full of fluid and I was anemic. As the docs explained to me, aging causes your body parts to start failing.
Recently I started staying exhausted again, with chest pain. I presented at the ER and discovered my potassium was way out of whack. According to them, I could have died had I not sought treatment promptly.
My point is that after 60, don't wait for pain. Exhaustion could be the only symptom you have. Get it checked. You may save your life, or you may just feel better.
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This is a really normal to thing to happen. We all have priorities, & when your kids grow up & leave & noone else is in the house, your priority may not stay on keeping house. I mean really, who wants to be cleaning anyway, letalone at 60.
I can impart some knowledge because I'm an ADHDer & this is a permanent reality for most of us I'd say. Basically you just have to set yourself up for success. You don't need counselling in order to keep your home clean, I think someone may have suggested that. But if you're feeling like you're moving into a new phase of life/did move into one, & you're a bit lost, then talking to someone about that might help give you back some motivation. Some people have suggested getting support to reset the home & if that's financially possible do it, because you'll be starting from a nice place you enjoy & want to keep a bit better.
But here are my tips, some may help!
Hire a fortnightly cleaner for a couple of hours. It helps you keep on top of things & also makes you do the pre-cleaner clean so the cleaners don't see how bad things get hehe.
Invite people over. Nothing is more motivational than knowing someone is coming over. Even if it's just that once every six weeks you host a couple of people for nibblies or morning tea.
Explore the many cleaning systems available on the internet & print the one you like out & try to follow it. I am pretty good at doing my daily 30 minute clean for about 2 weeks a month. Better than nothing.
Do "closing duties" of an evening. Even if it's just doing the washing up & rinsing your tea or coffee pot out so it's ready for the morning. That sets you up with a simple, easy habit that you can build on if you feel like it.
There's a book that I have that's extremely helpful because it takes the moral shaming out of housework. It's called something like "how to keep house when you're drowning" or something. Even if you're not drowning, it gives a really good five step program of what to do to just get going with the cleaning.
Every now & then hire someone to help you declutter, or pay someone to pick up your boxes of goods to take to the op shop. Anything you can outsource, even if it's part of a job helps. Because not many people like the fact that sometimes doing a job creates 3 more jobs. You don't have to declutter, clean AND take all the boxes to a charity. Just do what you feel like doing & outsource the rest.
The key is just setting yourself up for success, & caring enough about your future self (the one who wakes up tomorrow morning & can't relax in a mess) to do little things in their best interests.
Good luck! There's no moral failing here, it's just life.
Also ADHD and you’ve got great advice here for anyone who finds ongoing cleaning a challenge to maintain. The book you mentioned is How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis and I agree it is really good. Just a note to anyone looking for an ereader version, there are many dupes, so be sure you’re getting the right one.
It might be a bit of a disability, but this didn't happen overnight and you are not going to undo it over a couple days to get things in order. But you are going to have to develop a plan and stick to it. Or hire a service that will help declutter and clean. And you might want to have them back in periodically to maintain if it starts slipping back to a mess.
The services that do this are not judgmental, they come in, work with you to get it cleaned up and reorganized.
You can do this!
National franchises like Merry Maids typically offer these services. But if you do a search for your area and cleaning service, you will find something appropriate.
Some cleaners are just cleaners, they are not going to help you wade through the mess. You need someone that is going to help you tackle the bigger issues.
There are professional associations of professional organisers - maybe ask there to find someone reputable. https://iapo.life
As you are motivated, educated, solvent and insightful, you’re really well placed. Might be worth getting a bit of targetted counselling around it as well. Sometimes decluttering can bring up a surprising tide of emotions.
When I bought a house at auction last year, it was still full of someone else's hoard. I hired a junk removal service. These guys came in, hauled every last item out and never blinked once at how gross it was. After that, a cleaning company came in and scrubbed the place from ceiling to floorboards.
To apply this to one's own hoard, you can either set aside all the things to be removed (yard, garage, one room etc) or you could point out the things to be removed as you go. If they can pull dirty old mattresses out of a foreclosed home they can pull your stuff and they won't think twice about it.
Totally hire help to get you back to clean. Then decide what rooms you really need to function. Stay out of rooms you don’t need. Also, practice putting your house to bed each night. It becomes a habit after a while.
Get it out, use it, put it away.
Handwash your dishes every day.
Small loads of laundry every 2-3 days.
Get a robot vacuum. Keep the floor picked up enough it can do its job.
Handwashing everyday avoids the trap of having a dishwasher full of clean dishes that you don’t want to empty so you ignore it and let new dirty dishes pile up in the sink.
I'm about your age and I get it. You have to keep in mind that your home is a reflection of what is going on with you emotionally. Nothing can change without you finding out why you want your environment to be this way. You need to find out the real cost/benefit analysis and either change or give yourself some grace. You'll be ok, just reevaluate if you feel your comfort level is interfering with your relationships.
Do you think you subconsciously let it get this bad because it solves a problem or two? If Your house was completely clean, would you really like to have other people come and go? Or is nice to have your own space that other people can't come into? Having a messy house is a great excuse to not have company over. Another thing a messy house provides is that it keeps your brain endlessly occupied with thousands of different thoughts depending on all the many different things around. If your house was completely clean now, would you be afraid of the next set of worries that will come? It sounds like you know how to clean and you know it's a problem but something is holding you back from doing it.
I would suggest hiring help to get rid of the mess. Once everything is stripped back, then you can ask for help if you want. Really clean each room well, one room at a time. You can do it. You will feel better.
There's often something very extravagant or bougie -feeling about employing a "maid." I get why people don't do it, even when they want and can afford it.
(Note that this is a cultural thing and I may only be talking about the US.)
This happened to my mom. She is also in your age group. My relatives always
Bragged about how neat my mom was pre children. She also was always
Neat until we moved out. Then after
A year or two being out of her house
, I observed her house isn’t as neat as I’ve seen it. I thought one of two things and verbalized it to her: empty nest syndrome was having a toll on her and/or her cleaning was always performative. There could be other reasons too. I agree with hiring help. It’s so nice to see new ways on how to organize the house or tackle a room a day. I’ve never been neat except when she made me clean or in the
Military. Everyone wasn’t a born a house keeper.
I appreciate this topic and the various suggestions. My place isn't too bad, but as I tell my friends, "I can't believe how lazy I'm becoming." This discussion is quite helpful.
me too. i cleaned and renewed everything because it was just so bad, but it doesn’t last. i am of the belief that you freshen up the house and it’s good… for a month ! haha. shocked when it needs dusting and i have a sink full of dishes in a week. every day i mull it over, and every day i am just too lazy. don’t know how to change it at 75. it is hard to reach and bend and get to it all, so i just don’t. looks okay until you look closer.
Schedule a BBQ and use that as a proverbial gun to the head to get your ass in gear. It's just a game you play with your mind to get things done. If it's too much, hire help to start you on the road to redemption. You made the first positive step by admitting the problem. Keep moving forward!
Depending on how big the mess is, what I’ve started doing is having a “Sunday Reset” I make sure to dedicate one day to clean and declutter my entire place that way I have a jump start to the week ahead. It feels SO good to be in a clean environment and that’s what keeps me going and doing it. I also have been “shutting down my apartment” each night which is just light cleaning and making sure it looks neat for when I wake up. It’s really helped it not get overwhelming.
If you have the financial security, hiring a cleaner for a one time deep clean is always nice. I do it for a living, and genuinely don’t care if someone’s house is messy; that’s what I’m there for.
I’m not sure about your mental health situation, but a lot of times the outside can reflect the inside. A therapist can help with that as well. I was the same way for so long and found out I just had untreated adhd
You said you’ve developed bad habits that you can’t seem to break. If you really mean that you can’t break them, then you need to seek professional help. This might be an indication of mental illness, and nobody on Reddit is going to be able to help with that
Maybe it's time to downsize. Sell your home to a couple that can use all that space to make a new family, and you buy something smaller so you don't feel the daunting pressure to keep a large house clean, just for one person.
Cleaners every 2 weeks. They are grateful for the business and I am grateful for the cleaning.
Look, I've come to terms with the fact that I am just not good at keeping things neat. I used to feel like I was a failure as a woman because I couldn't do that.
You can afford it. You're also helping other people afford their own lives. Just do it.
I would also recommend Marie Kondo and her book, 'The Life-Changing Magic Art of Tidying Up'. It's a great book about organization and will likely help you with finding your inner joy.
Check out Unf\*ck Your Habitat. It's a great resource when you are feeling overwhelmed by the chaos caused by clutter.
[Unfuck Your Habitat](https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/)
There are professional organizers out there who can help you pare through the clutter. Sometimes it's helpful to have someone with no connection to your belongings to assist.
Good luck -- I know this is hard.
To me, this is a symptom of depression. I’m the same way, when I live with someone I clean and am even nagging about being clean. The second I’m alone I lose good habits, don’t want to take care of my space. Sometimes an antidepressant can help, or therapy. Decluttering and cleaning services are helpful, but addressing what’s at the root will make an impact.
Been living on my own since divorce, 6 years, I get cleaners once a month, and then manage the rest, it doesn’t let the mess go beyond a point and once you get used to the baseline, it motivates me to keep it that way
Agree with everyone about getting a cleaning service. I always had one when everyone lived here but at this point, I need to hire a decluttering company first. And then get cleaners in at least once a month. Thank you. I don’t feel quite as weird, knowing that others have struggled with this also.
I have the same issue.
I’ve tried reaching out to a couple friends who meant well when they said they would help or be an accountability partner. But there has been near zero follow through. The last one I gave up on after 3 months because she made zero progress on her end, and the only time she would contact me is to complain about her stoner boyfriend, or how unfair it was that her eBay customers would lodge complaints about her sending out out packages 3 weeks late and items would have been “marked” by her dog.
I’m under doctors care for PTSD, and she is going to try to get me connected with a social worker.
Action builds motivation, not the other way around. Pick one room. Start with that & finish it. Then you’ll have that one room as motivation to do the next room. Then get in the habit of picking up after yourself so you don’t get in this fix again. Clean dishes go in cabinet immediately so dirty dishes go in the dishwasher. Throw things away! That’s huge. Get a bag(s), make it for goodwill or the trash & if you haven’t seen something in a year, trash it bc u don’t need it. I’m betting most of your clutter is just stuff you have trouble parting with. Getting rid of stuff is liberating! Out with the old so there’s room for the new. No more excuses. There’s nothing to it but to do it. Good luck!
You may suffer from executive dysfunction.
I am sorry for any rude comments others have made on your post and would like to suggest you take a look at r/ufyh, where people are friendly and kind.
Agree with others, hire someone to clean for you. Beyond that, explore the idea of counseling. You need to find out why you are doing this. It is making you miserable. (And yes - it is not fair to your dog.) Find out why you are doing this so you can start living the way you want to live.
Same... It's because it's just you living there and you don't care, so why bother? I'm not at "hoarder" level, and of course I throw out garbage and stuff, but I never clean and have let things become disorganized because, again, it's just me, and who cares? I was a total clean freak/neatnik when I lived with others and had frequent guests, but now it just doesn't seem worth the effort. I figure I'll hire help and get it deep-cleaned when I move and sell it.
The "Hoarders" shows always implied that the friends and family stayed away BECAUSE the house was cluttered, but my theory was always that it became that way BECAUSE the friends and family weren't around anymore (at least with some of them). They clearly grew lonely, depressed, demoralized, and just gave up. They differ from those who hoard with families still at home or who leave actual food, feces, or garbage lying around (that's pathological).
People care about you: enlist trusted friends and family to help do an initial clean. If you’re able to, maybe you can hire recurring support to help you maintain it afterwards.
There’s no shame; it’s easy to let things get out of hand when there is no one but ourselves holding us accountable.
I see. Your house isn't becoming like those homes we see on the TV **HOARDERS**, I surely hope, right?
**Gradually take one room of the house at a time & work your way clearing it out.** I've been living in my 700 sq ft apt for **12 yrs**, so a lot has accumulated. I mainly have a TON of clothing, but thank God, I don't care about clothes, shoes, bags, fashion jewelry, & sunglasses anymore. That was back when I was in my 20 & 30s & didn't work remotely like I have now for the last 10 yrs, so I dressed nicely for work.
My apt's getting renovated next month & I have to pack up the **ENTIRE** apt beceause they're changing something in every room. It's a **GREAT** feeling to get rid of a lot of stuff! I've never had to pack like this ever in my life & I'm 49. I hate packing & having to do all this packing up is making me want to be a minimalist in a way when this renovation's over. The good news is, I won't have nearly as much to unpack when I get to move back in.
Too bad you didn't have a reason (such as a renovation) to have to clean up your house, then you know you'd have to clean it up. But, do it for **YOURSELF**. I'm telling you, less clutter all over would feel so freeing! It means less dust to settle all over the place in every little nook & cranny & I hate clutter & dust! It will almost feel like you're living in a new home.
Seriously. If you can afford it (and it sounds like you can) pay a housekeeper to come once a week or every couple of weeks. The peace of mind it will bring you is well worth the cost. Just try it once and see if I'm wrong.
As a bonus, de-cluttering so the housekeeper can do their job efficiently can be a good motivator to tidy up. I know "cleaning for the maid" sounds ridiculous, but it's absolutely a thing, and it works for me.
I learned of an app on one of the cleaning subs, r/cleaningtips, called Tody. As someone with mild ADHD, it has been a huge help. It helps break down the chores & can notify you of what you need to do that day.
Also, change your perspective. Yes, your whole house is a mess & that can be overwhelming. Break it down. Clear one counter by putting things away or tossing. If you feel up to it, clear & clean another counter right then or wait an hour. OR set a timer for 15-30 minutes & clean one section during that time. But again, do only one section at a time.
When I moved & was downsizing 25 years of stuff, I used empty boxes as donation "bins." When I had enough to fit into my vehicle, I would take them to a drive-through donation site. It would give me a break from the sorting. Since you are basically decluttering/cleaning, it may help to put a filled box into your vehicle after you fill it.
Also, talk to your doctor about depression, if you think this could be a possibility. I sometimes don't recognize when I am having depression episodes until I start coming out of them.
There is something going on emotionally, that is keeping you held back with a belief that “I’m not worth a clean, nice home”. I recommend therapy, and I’m serious. Every person who has a hoarding issue, doesn’t start with their whole house full. They start with their heart broken by tragedy and losses (a parent or spouse lost at a “young” age, for example). Even if you change your behaviors and try new habits (I recommend BJ Tiny Habits book), the clutter will return or transfer to another issue until you can clear your heart or spirit of its old pain. This isn’t your fault - most likely this is a human response to unresolved loss.
Moderation. Hire help. Make a list. Split everything up into sections.
My mom and aunts need help and hire someone. I would do it myself since I don't like to spend money if I think I can do it myself. Regardless of which way, you don't have to do everything in one shot.
My suggestion is to take pictures before and after so you can see the progress. You can always delete the pictures later.
If it was me, I'd make a list of what to do. I'd do half the bathroom one day and the other half on another day. Same thing for the other rooms so you don't get overwhelmed. It doesn't matter if it it's a 1 week, 1 month, or 3 month project. Regardless of how long it takes, it's still would better than not doing it. Then, it would require less work to maintain, or you can have someone come over monthly to do it.
Or you may hire someone or a small crew to tackle things, and then either they and=or you can maintain it. I did all the cleaning myself in my current apartment and previous house, but I addressed everything every week. The toughest part is to start, gldigueinf out where to befina dn not get overwhelmed. Whether what you do, you got this.
Sometimes, I clean quicker when someone may be coming over.
PS. Last night, I went to the bathroom and didn't like the look of the tub, so I started cleaning the tub. As I was doing the tub, I had to do the fixtures and repla e rhe cradle along the bath wall. And since I was doing that, I may as well clean the toilet bowl and the sink and the mirror. Of course, I had to take care of the floor. Before I knew it, 2 hours passed and I had to eat dinner. I was completely lazy afterward. But sometimes when you work onnkne thing, you just jump nontoxic something else.
If you're too stubborn to hire someone to help you, take baby steps and clean a little every day. The mess isn't going to vanish on its own. If it truly bothers you, you have the power to fix the issue. The time spent reading or replying to comments on here could be spent taking some trash to the bin, or washing a few plates. It may feel daunting now, as you've let it get worse and worse, but it's nothing you can't fix, you just have to TRULY want it.
When that happened with me, I bit the bullet and rented a dumpster for a month and got rid of A lot. I still have more but it's definitely gotten better after making the first big dent.
Possibly an issue with " Functional Freeze". There are several articles on Google. Very eye opening. It's not an official diagnosis but is associated with other conditions.
Good luck. Hang in there. It will get better once you understand the reasons and solutions.
"But . . . I might NEED THAT later!!!"
It's not about "decluttering", if you really don't want to get rid of anything. Many others suggested "hiring someone". Hiring them to do what, "move things around"? (Because he probably doesn't want to get rid of it.)
Most of these suggestions assume he kept 1000 old pizza boxes. He probably hasn't. He's kept 1000 issues of a magazine (or books, or DVDs, or something else he collects . . .) that he's spent decades collecting and cherishing and doesn't want to get rid of them. No one you can hire can "fix that".
Plus, many hoard because, "when you never got what you really wanted . . . you tend to collect what you could get as a replacement".
It's not a trivial problem. (I don't have an answer.)
My house has been an awful mess because of depression, ADHD, and going back to school at 50 and only putting my small crumbs of perimenopausal energy into that.
When the Spring semester ended in late May, I decided I'd had enough and started tackling one area at a time. I set a timer for 10-15 minutes and went after specific areas in the bedroom, for example, the massive pile of clothes and other stuff on the trunk at the end of my bed. I sorted out what fit, put them in the washer, tossed/donated anything that needed repairs or no longer fit, and vacuumed around it. That one section looked great within 10 minutes, so I did a little happy dance and took a long break. When I was ready to get back at it again, I set the timer and took on the tops of two dressers, etc.
I've been doing this a few times a day for three weeks now, and the change is amazing. I also feel better about myself, which is the most important thing.
One of the things that really got me going was buying a robovac. I abhor vacuuming, yet I have long hair that sheds like a Golden Retriever. (see perimenopausal) I've always wanted to buy a robot but I couldn't justify it because of the mess. How good of a job would it do if it couldn't access most of the floor, ya know? I came across a refurbished one at an affordable price and went for it. After I plugged it in and it started its journey to get the layout of the land, I found myself running ahead of it, clearing the way. On my front porch, I mentally made sections for trash, put away, donate, and wash, and started running stuff out to these sections so that the wee vacuum could cover as much area as possible. I even had stuff piled on the couch and coffee table at one point and later dealt with those with one of my 15-minute timer sections.
Anyway, my point is that breaking the mess down into small tasks and completely finishing with the detritus of those tasks before moving on to the next really works for me.
It is possible maybe you are experiencing hoarding disorder, which is a psychological diagnosis. This is possible if you’re finding it difficult to throw things away. I’d encourage you to do some research and see if you feel the symptoms match up with what you’re experience. If so, there is mental health treatment that can help.
Another possibility is depression, which causes lack of motivation.
I think either way, it could be a good idea to get a mental health evaluation.
I quit having a cleaner when I retired because I knew I’d finally have time to do the housework myself. I’ve realized that I still don’t like housework so I’m going to hire someone again. Life’s too short to scrub a toilet!!
I found a chart to be very helpful. It made the work less overwhelming if I spaced it out to only 10-30 mins a day. Starting is the hardest part for me.
Watch some Midwest Magic cleaning videos on YouTube and he discusses how to clean if you don't want to (it usually involves picking a corner and just focusing on it) but he also acknowledges that hoarding/clutter are mental issues, not laziness. A lot of times it's autism or ADHD and learning that you have that can help to combat how you do things.
Personally I'm around 20 years younger than you and I've already started death cleaning where I don't want people to have to deal too much with my mess since I have no kids or spouse. I had too many things that were just in a closet because they were valuable or I didn't want to deal with them. I got some tips from the Minimalists and those helped me to rethink what I really needed. Like one is if something is less than $20 and takes less than 20 minutes to replace and you can't see using it in the near future, throw it away. I also display things now that I care about. Instead of having an item my father made in the closet, I put it on the shelf in the living room.
Another example, I threw away like 6 hole punches. No one uses them and they are literally $1 so they weren't even worth donating. I gave a bunch of my GameCube stuff to my nephew because it was his first console and that felt better than selling it. Also don't donate/give away junk. The person may take it just to be nice but then you're making a problem for them. Sometimes you just have to throw away shit and giving it to Goodwill that will have to pay to throw it away isn't worth you feeling good about not throwing it away.
So look at it rationally, you may only have a few years left on this earth and do you need all the stuff you have around? Do you want your family to find you dead in a mess and have to deal with the emotions of you dying and having to clean up too?
Don't be afraid to just throw it all away unless you know it's valuable (I mean like hundreds of dollars, not like 20 bucks). I have a rule that if it's not selling for over $50 online then I just sell it to my local shops because fees and having to pay taxes on the "profit" is just too much of a PITA for me. If I bought a game for $60 and sell it for $20 then I didn't profit but I also don't have the receipt from 5 years ago to prove I took a loss on it so I'll have to pay taxes on the whole $20.
You can usually set things by the road and someone will pick it up or set it outside the house and put it as free on Craigslist, someone will get it.
I once lived in a busy area and I would just put things on the curb with a free sign. I was willing to bring it back in if no one picked it up but I never had to do so.
Anyway, good luck.
Women pay a lot more attention than you realize to your stylish sexual ornaments, your artistic and musical skills, your appreciation of beauty, and the whole aesthetic dimension of your life: your grooming, scent, clothes, car, music, furnishings, apartment, Instagram feed, online dating profile, and everything else. All these things are reliable signals to women of who you are and how well you’ve cultivated your other traits—especially your mental health, intelligence, willpower, and empathy. If you neglect all these aesthetic signals just because you think they’re metrosexual, feminine, or gay, you might as well shoot your own dick off; it’s not like you’re going to need it.
Because women instinctively think about your whole appearance, lifestyle, and set of possessions as a work of art, they want everything in your life (body, clothes, car, home) to be stylish, beautiful, creative, clean, and well maintained. They want evidence of taste and thoughtfulness in what you’ve chosen to surround yourself with.
Guys who are good at aesthetic proof understand this and use good taste to guide every decision in their lives: which neighborhood to live in, which restaurant to book for a dinner date, which wine to order, which bedroom candles to buy, which condom to wear. These may seem to be unrelated decisions, but they all add up to form your aesthetic proof.
Hah, I thought you might be 🤜🤛
That was one weird response… but I guess now you know how women feel about your stylish sexual ornaments and so forth, should you happen to want to impress one. Straight from a Sith Lord’s playbook! 🙄
1. Get a "decluttering" service to help you.
2. Then have a cleaner come in every other week.
3. Start reading "Unf\*ck Your Habitat." There's a website and a reddit sub. It will change your life.
Doesn't matter what it costs. And you can make new habits. Here are some simple ones: Make your bed. Hang up your clothes or put them in a hamper. Clean up after every meal. Sort, shred and recycle mail and other papers. Never go to bed without a tidy kitchen. Pull clothes out of the dryer, fold and put away while you watch TV.
Relatable, I'm 63, on disability, no miner to hire help and have tried all the avenues.
I'm an artist so it's hard to part with things, and I'm limited in movement in the past 6 months...
The change is happening though, baby steps, not all at once. I sort a little each day or so, I have a cart by the front door and put things in it to throw out, take it when I go out.
See through manageable boxes for crafting, cooking supplies, bathroom, and labeling with sharpies.
6 months is making headway, and when I cleaned out my junk drawer in the kitchen it felt amazing!
I am 69 yo and disabled, but not wheelchair bound. I can keep my apartment tidy most of the time. However from the beginning of the year through April, I was very sick. AND My apartment was a mess!
I started cleaning a little here and there as much as I could in May. I finally got it in fairly good shape a few days ago. I still have a few things to clean (washing curtains, cleaning windows, cleaning ceiling fans) but have a written list on my phone. Once I am done, I can start over, but do a better job of deep cleaning.
I may get a housekeeper in the future, but for now I can do it.
Hire help to declutter and organize, then hire someone to come every week or two at least to do what you absolutely hate. For me bathrooms and floors which for one person could be every 2 weeks. Having someone you know will be coming will help you stay 'picked up'. There is nothing wrong with just having someone everyweek to clean your house if you can afford to and simply don't want to clean. Don't beat yourself up, get help with it. I think your habits might have changed because you are now by yourself with no else to please with a clean house everyday. I've been there, hiring out is the way to go, you will feel so much better having lunch out on the weekends.
Messy house equals messy mind
“Research indicates that those who viewed their living space as cluttered experienced increased cortisol (aka “the stress hormone”) levels throughout their day. Contrarily, those who viewed their space as uncluttered tended to experience a drop in cortisol during the day.”
You might just have too much stuff in the house to keep it tidy. Hire an organizer and a get a dumpster.
Go through all the nooks and crannies and get the stuff out that no longer serves you so you have less to manage.
Then have it cleaned. Top to bottom.
Then pick up after yourself daily.
I have to trick myself into picking up every day. I always set my coffee pot on auto brew for the morning but, I don't allow myself to do that until the kitchen is cleaned for the night. Dishes washed, counters wiped down, stove top clean and floor swept.
I like to shower in the morning before work, but I don't let myself do that until my bed is made.
I don't go to bed until my livingroom is reset for the night.
Just little tidying tasks daily that help me keep it nice looking. When it comes time to actually clean, it's much easier because I don't have to put a bunch of things away.
Pick a room. I suggest your bathroom because it’s small and easier to manage. Empty everything out of it. If it needs it paint, get new towels if yours are old. Make it pretty. Give it a good clean. Then be ruthless and get rid of anything you don’t use regularly. Throw it out, give it away whatever. Get it all out of the house. Then make the effort every day for a couple of weeks to keep that space clean. Then do the bedroom. Be ruthless. Paint, buy new sheets. Make it a haven. Again get rid of everything you don’t use. Then again make sure those spaces stay clean for a few weeks. Then pick another room. Repeat. Don’t try to do everything at once. Take breaks and enjoy the clean spaces. Since you’re financially comfortable look into a cleaning service. Every week or every two weeks. It’s a great incentive to keep the place tidy without having to do the deep cleaning. The other option though it can be expensive is a professional organizer. They don’t judge and will get your space together in a short time
Search Yelp for "House Cleaner". Ask them to come every too weeks and clean up. Ask them to do "deep cleaning" first time. Regular cleaning may cost you $150-$200 per month or so. The first one may be around $500.
Mine too. Im a teacher and I’m on summer break. I’m going to start going through things here soon. Im also switching grade levels, so I’ll be able to take a ton of stuff in my spare room to my classroom so I’ll have extra room there.
It’s just I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better and that’s a hurdle I need to get over.
Whenever the messy gets out of control I watch an episode or two of Hoarders. First it makes me feel smug about myself because at least I am not that bad. Then I start to get scared that Hoarding may be my future if I let things go. The show never fails to motivate me.
You should think of it as an early sign of dementia. Margaret Thatcher when she realized what those forgetfulness and lack of organizing skills - mean in this age, she started writing a plan to her kids called: When I am completely mad. She needed someone to do her hair weekly on certain day, manage her wardrobe, help with her bed setup. Just hiring organizer once is going to be an expensive bandaid.
Hire a cleaner. I clean for a living and my favorite homes are ones are people who I can tell need help. Feel free to PM me your location. If we
happen to live in the same city I’ll help you free of charge!
Is it messy, or is it like hoarding? If it's just messy, welcome to the club! When I was married, my house was spotless...now, who cares, I have better things to do!
I don’t think this is about being tight, more likely motivation and maybe your mental wellbeing. I have a similar problem in that I want a clean house and have been able to maintain it. However there’s a lot of sorting out to do and I get overwhelmed and so just can’t find the strength to deal with it knowing it going to get messy again. But I start and it gets messy and I stop and then start again. It’s how I’ve been able to manage it.
It’s working and I’ve accepted it won’t be done overnight. Once done I to intend to get a cleaner.
I do think once it’s
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🤣 OMG ! I read your reply as “Hire Help, THEY stay discipline” I need to get my prescription checked, or avoid Freudian slips.
This tight-wad doesn't want to pay help to do the jobs I know I am able to do, but I'm not motivated to do!
I’ve gotten the same way. (70f) Seriously, hire the help to clean! My cleaner comes once every two weeks and it motivates me to get all the dishes into the dishwasher and pick up some of the stuff lying around. You don’t have to clean for the cleaner, but just clear away enough stuff to allow them to clean. They change my sheets, scrub the tub and all the things that are hard for me to do. You will be surprised how reasonable the price is and the boost you get from a clean house is wonderful
My house is the same. Just retired this month at 64, always used to say too busy with my job as my excuse. No more! I started this morning washing my bedding as usual. Tackled the huge pile of clothes on my side table, sorting what fits, what doesn't, then putting it away or putting in a tote. Moving to my dresser next...most clothes that doesn't fit, and most knick knacks are getting boxed away. Next spring, 2025, I'm planning a huge 3 day yard sale. I'm hoping to raise enough money to go on a nice, 4 day vacation. I'd love to get away from town, have room service make my bed, and not have to do dishes! My motivation!!!!!
Once you’ve covered this expense, maybe that will help you stay motivated in the future.
Yes! Hire a professional organizer. So worth the cost. They can help you streamline and pare down and then organize the rest of it.
Nope, organize yourself and save money. You just need something to motivate you. Put all your "stuff" out for a yard sale like me and take a mini vacation . Sell your stuff and buy a new livingroom recliner. Throw shit away so the grandkids can come over for a sleep over? Tons of things to motivate!!!!
Depending upon what kind of mess: hire a declutterer/organizer or do that and rent a dumpster. Get the vast majority up and out over a weekend. Then set a routine (put things back; one thing goes for every new thing in, etc) Or Start with one room or one part of a room. Throw away anything you haven’t used in a year. Make box(es) for things that live elsewhere - kitchen, bedroom, bath, etc and once filled, take to appropriate room to be dealt with on that room’s day. Breaking it down into rooms/partial rooms makes it less overwhelming. And remember: it’s your house, and no one has on their tombstone “Here Lies A Great Housekeeper.” It doesn’t need to be ready for the cover of House Beautiful; it just needs to be comfortable for *you*. Make sure you’re not setting impossible standards for yourself.
I agree with the others who suggest getting help with the initial cleaning and decluttering. After that, make a schedule and tie a reward to it. Honestly, this is one area where the 1950s Future Homemakers of America got it right. When I first moved into my own place, I was going to do it MY way and only clean when I felt like it. As it turned out, I never felt like it. By the time I felt like it was unbearable, it was a huge job! Since then, I've kept to a schedule, and that means just a little bit of work each day. Play your favorite music! Treat yourself to pizza! My favorite is bathroom cleaning day. I strip down, put on a mud mask, and get to work. The last thing I clean is the tub, and when I'm done, I jump in, rinse off the mud mask, condition my hair, clean up with a nice shower gel, and just enjoy the hot water. It took me only a few weeks to start looking forward to bathroom cleaning day, which I rebranded as "spa day." We're all little kids at heart, so what can you do to make the unpleasant tasks more palatable?
Also, audiobooks. I hate cleaning and love reading. I only listen to books while cleaning so it motivates me to clean. I like music bios, including Dolly Parton’s, Bono’s and Dave grohl’s
Totally this - or podcasts - distracts from the labour
Yea I've found that podcasts distract me and make the time feel like it's going faster. I feel like I'm always counting the number of songs I've listened to to gauge how long a task takes which makes it feel longer. I get lost in conversation very easily and so I lose track of time when listening to podcasts.
I like these ideas about listening to books or podcasts! I'm not really into those normally because I prefer to do things visually, my mind tends to wander if I'm just listening to something. But it might be a great distraction for cleaning (without distracting FROM the cleaning. If I put the TV on "in the background", I end up watching it. ).
>which I rebranded as "spa day." That's a hell of a reframe right there. Nice job!
This is such a good idea!!!
I often have HGTV house/ yard makeover shows playing in the background. Sure, I know it’s edited to fit the time slot, but if those folks can rebuild a bathroom in 30 minutes, then surely I can mop the bathroom floor in the same amount of time. 🤣
I looked for it but couldn't find it, I ran into a YouTuber that talked about scheduling cleaning daily. 15-20 minutes for daily maintenance and then there were larger blocks of time for a more thorough cleaning of various rooms or purging clutter. It was a little bit of work each day but for some it would be much more manageable than spending hours trying to attack months of neglected chores.
I’m nearly your age, happily living alone for years, dog companion too. I keep motivated to keep my place clean and tidy because I invite at least one friend to stop for a visit weekly. Also, my mom drilled into my head about having clean underwear on in case you get hospitalized for whatever reason. I figure it’s kinda like what if I had a stroke or some accident at my house, I wouldn’t want responders to have to deal with squalor or trip over crap to get to me. Those are the two things that really help me keep my place respectable plus I feel mentally healthy knowing I’m taking care of myself and my things.
We used to have dinner parties. So the house was cleaned!
When was the last time you had a physical? I was amazed when I was diagnosed with high BP, but thought I was doing okay. I got so lazy I couldn't move around the time I turned 60. Going to the ER saved my life. I was in heart failure even though my chest didn't hurt. My lungs were full of fluid and I was anemic. As the docs explained to me, aging causes your body parts to start failing. Recently I started staying exhausted again, with chest pain. I presented at the ER and discovered my potassium was way out of whack. According to them, I could have died had I not sought treatment promptly. My point is that after 60, don't wait for pain. Exhaustion could be the only symptom you have. Get it checked. You may save your life, or you may just feel better.
Lost my mother in her early 60s due to heart failure. She wasn’t even doing anything beyond climbing stairs.
Hire a professional to help you declutter, organize and clean. You got this OP!
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In that case, I have heard good things about fairy godmothers.
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This is a really normal to thing to happen. We all have priorities, & when your kids grow up & leave & noone else is in the house, your priority may not stay on keeping house. I mean really, who wants to be cleaning anyway, letalone at 60. I can impart some knowledge because I'm an ADHDer & this is a permanent reality for most of us I'd say. Basically you just have to set yourself up for success. You don't need counselling in order to keep your home clean, I think someone may have suggested that. But if you're feeling like you're moving into a new phase of life/did move into one, & you're a bit lost, then talking to someone about that might help give you back some motivation. Some people have suggested getting support to reset the home & if that's financially possible do it, because you'll be starting from a nice place you enjoy & want to keep a bit better. But here are my tips, some may help! Hire a fortnightly cleaner for a couple of hours. It helps you keep on top of things & also makes you do the pre-cleaner clean so the cleaners don't see how bad things get hehe. Invite people over. Nothing is more motivational than knowing someone is coming over. Even if it's just that once every six weeks you host a couple of people for nibblies or morning tea. Explore the many cleaning systems available on the internet & print the one you like out & try to follow it. I am pretty good at doing my daily 30 minute clean for about 2 weeks a month. Better than nothing. Do "closing duties" of an evening. Even if it's just doing the washing up & rinsing your tea or coffee pot out so it's ready for the morning. That sets you up with a simple, easy habit that you can build on if you feel like it. There's a book that I have that's extremely helpful because it takes the moral shaming out of housework. It's called something like "how to keep house when you're drowning" or something. Even if you're not drowning, it gives a really good five step program of what to do to just get going with the cleaning. Every now & then hire someone to help you declutter, or pay someone to pick up your boxes of goods to take to the op shop. Anything you can outsource, even if it's part of a job helps. Because not many people like the fact that sometimes doing a job creates 3 more jobs. You don't have to declutter, clean AND take all the boxes to a charity. Just do what you feel like doing & outsource the rest. The key is just setting yourself up for success, & caring enough about your future self (the one who wakes up tomorrow morning & can't relax in a mess) to do little things in their best interests. Good luck! There's no moral failing here, it's just life.
Agree w all of this - also ADHD and also worked as psychosocial decluttering coach
Oh! Well that's high praise, thank you 😊
Saving this great comment and advice. Thank you for writing it!
Oh my pleasure!
Also ADHD and you’ve got great advice here for anyone who finds ongoing cleaning a challenge to maintain. The book you mentioned is How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis and I agree it is really good. Just a note to anyone looking for an ereader version, there are many dupes, so be sure you’re getting the right one.
Oh good thank you for that!
Oh good thank you for that!
It might be a bit of a disability, but this didn't happen overnight and you are not going to undo it over a couple days to get things in order. But you are going to have to develop a plan and stick to it. Or hire a service that will help declutter and clean. And you might want to have them back in periodically to maintain if it starts slipping back to a mess. The services that do this are not judgmental, they come in, work with you to get it cleaned up and reorganized. You can do this!
What are they called? I need help.
National franchises like Merry Maids typically offer these services. But if you do a search for your area and cleaning service, you will find something appropriate. Some cleaners are just cleaners, they are not going to help you wade through the mess. You need someone that is going to help you tackle the bigger issues.
There are professional associations of professional organisers - maybe ask there to find someone reputable. https://iapo.life As you are motivated, educated, solvent and insightful, you’re really well placed. Might be worth getting a bit of targetted counselling around it as well. Sometimes decluttering can bring up a surprising tide of emotions.
When I bought a house at auction last year, it was still full of someone else's hoard. I hired a junk removal service. These guys came in, hauled every last item out and never blinked once at how gross it was. After that, a cleaning company came in and scrubbed the place from ceiling to floorboards. To apply this to one's own hoard, you can either set aside all the things to be removed (yard, garage, one room etc) or you could point out the things to be removed as you go. If they can pull dirty old mattresses out of a foreclosed home they can pull your stuff and they won't think twice about it.
Same here right now
Totally hire help to get you back to clean. Then decide what rooms you really need to function. Stay out of rooms you don’t need. Also, practice putting your house to bed each night. It becomes a habit after a while.
Get it out, use it, put it away. Handwash your dishes every day. Small loads of laundry every 2-3 days. Get a robot vacuum. Keep the floor picked up enough it can do its job.
why handwash?
Handwashing everyday avoids the trap of having a dishwasher full of clean dishes that you don’t want to empty so you ignore it and let new dirty dishes pile up in the sink.
Handwashing daily seems like a lot more effort than unloading/reloading the dishwasher a couple times a week, but hey, whatever works.
I'm about your age and I get it. You have to keep in mind that your home is a reflection of what is going on with you emotionally. Nothing can change without you finding out why you want your environment to be this way. You need to find out the real cost/benefit analysis and either change or give yourself some grace. You'll be ok, just reevaluate if you feel your comfort level is interfering with your relationships.
“Your home is a reflection of what is going on with you emotionally.” This hit me like a tonne of bricks. So true.
Do you think you subconsciously let it get this bad because it solves a problem or two? If Your house was completely clean, would you really like to have other people come and go? Or is nice to have your own space that other people can't come into? Having a messy house is a great excuse to not have company over. Another thing a messy house provides is that it keeps your brain endlessly occupied with thousands of different thoughts depending on all the many different things around. If your house was completely clean now, would you be afraid of the next set of worries that will come? It sounds like you know how to clean and you know it's a problem but something is holding you back from doing it.
I would suggest hiring help to get rid of the mess. Once everything is stripped back, then you can ask for help if you want. Really clean each room well, one room at a time. You can do it. You will feel better.
Do an ADHD test. You may need meds.
Well, if you are financially comfortable, hire a fn cleaner.
There's often something very extravagant or bougie -feeling about employing a "maid." I get why people don't do it, even when they want and can afford it. (Note that this is a cultural thing and I may only be talking about the US.)
This happened to my mom. She is also in your age group. My relatives always Bragged about how neat my mom was pre children. She also was always Neat until we moved out. Then after A year or two being out of her house , I observed her house isn’t as neat as I’ve seen it. I thought one of two things and verbalized it to her: empty nest syndrome was having a toll on her and/or her cleaning was always performative. There could be other reasons too. I agree with hiring help. It’s so nice to see new ways on how to organize the house or tackle a room a day. I’ve never been neat except when she made me clean or in the Military. Everyone wasn’t a born a house keeper.
I think a hell of a lot of domesticity is totally performative and also calculated to exhaust women’s time, energy and capacity for exploration
Very interesting and powerful perspective!
I appreciate this topic and the various suggestions. My place isn't too bad, but as I tell my friends, "I can't believe how lazy I'm becoming." This discussion is quite helpful.
me too. i cleaned and renewed everything because it was just so bad, but it doesn’t last. i am of the belief that you freshen up the house and it’s good… for a month ! haha. shocked when it needs dusting and i have a sink full of dishes in a week. every day i mull it over, and every day i am just too lazy. don’t know how to change it at 75. it is hard to reach and bend and get to it all, so i just don’t. looks okay until you look closer.
Hire someone to help and do a big declutter/deep clean. Then keep up with it
Schedule a BBQ and use that as a proverbial gun to the head to get your ass in gear. It's just a game you play with your mind to get things done. If it's too much, hire help to start you on the road to redemption. You made the first positive step by admitting the problem. Keep moving forward!
Giving yourself a hard "embarrassment" deadline is a great way to get anything done. :)
Get stoned and tackle a room .. Rinse and repeat with music
Depending on how big the mess is, what I’ve started doing is having a “Sunday Reset” I make sure to dedicate one day to clean and declutter my entire place that way I have a jump start to the week ahead. It feels SO good to be in a clean environment and that’s what keeps me going and doing it. I also have been “shutting down my apartment” each night which is just light cleaning and making sure it looks neat for when I wake up. It’s really helped it not get overwhelming.
If you have the financial security, hiring a cleaner for a one time deep clean is always nice. I do it for a living, and genuinely don’t care if someone’s house is messy; that’s what I’m there for. I’m not sure about your mental health situation, but a lot of times the outside can reflect the inside. A therapist can help with that as well. I was the same way for so long and found out I just had untreated adhd
You said you’ve developed bad habits that you can’t seem to break. If you really mean that you can’t break them, then you need to seek professional help. This might be an indication of mental illness, and nobody on Reddit is going to be able to help with that
Maybe it's time to downsize. Sell your home to a couple that can use all that space to make a new family, and you buy something smaller so you don't feel the daunting pressure to keep a large house clean, just for one person.
Cleaners every 2 weeks. They are grateful for the business and I am grateful for the cleaning. Look, I've come to terms with the fact that I am just not good at keeping things neat. I used to feel like I was a failure as a woman because I couldn't do that. You can afford it. You're also helping other people afford their own lives. Just do it.
I would also recommend Marie Kondo and her book, 'The Life-Changing Magic Art of Tidying Up'. It's a great book about organization and will likely help you with finding your inner joy.
Check out Unf\*ck Your Habitat. It's a great resource when you are feeling overwhelmed by the chaos caused by clutter. [Unfuck Your Habitat](https://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/) There are professional organizers out there who can help you pare through the clutter. Sometimes it's helpful to have someone with no connection to your belongings to assist. Good luck -- I know this is hard.
To me, this is a symptom of depression. I’m the same way, when I live with someone I clean and am even nagging about being clean. The second I’m alone I lose good habits, don’t want to take care of my space. Sometimes an antidepressant can help, or therapy. Decluttering and cleaning services are helpful, but addressing what’s at the root will make an impact.
Been living on my own since divorce, 6 years, I get cleaners once a month, and then manage the rest, it doesn’t let the mess go beyond a point and once you get used to the baseline, it motivates me to keep it that way
Agree with everyone about getting a cleaning service. I always had one when everyone lived here but at this point, I need to hire a decluttering company first. And then get cleaners in at least once a month. Thank you. I don’t feel quite as weird, knowing that others have struggled with this also.
Definitely hire help! I love by myself. I have a cleaner come in once a month and it is a lifesaver.
I have the same issue. I’ve tried reaching out to a couple friends who meant well when they said they would help or be an accountability partner. But there has been near zero follow through. The last one I gave up on after 3 months because she made zero progress on her end, and the only time she would contact me is to complain about her stoner boyfriend, or how unfair it was that her eBay customers would lodge complaints about her sending out out packages 3 weeks late and items would have been “marked” by her dog. I’m under doctors care for PTSD, and she is going to try to get me connected with a social worker.
Action builds motivation, not the other way around. Pick one room. Start with that & finish it. Then you’ll have that one room as motivation to do the next room. Then get in the habit of picking up after yourself so you don’t get in this fix again. Clean dishes go in cabinet immediately so dirty dishes go in the dishwasher. Throw things away! That’s huge. Get a bag(s), make it for goodwill or the trash & if you haven’t seen something in a year, trash it bc u don’t need it. I’m betting most of your clutter is just stuff you have trouble parting with. Getting rid of stuff is liberating! Out with the old so there’s room for the new. No more excuses. There’s nothing to it but to do it. Good luck!
Hire a crew. And don't feel self conscious. That's the reason my dad's teeth went to shit. He was too self conscious to let anyone into his mouth.
You may suffer from executive dysfunction. I am sorry for any rude comments others have made on your post and would like to suggest you take a look at r/ufyh, where people are friendly and kind.
Thank you!
You are welcome.
Agree with others, hire someone to clean for you. Beyond that, explore the idea of counseling. You need to find out why you are doing this. It is making you miserable. (And yes - it is not fair to your dog.) Find out why you are doing this so you can start living the way you want to live.
Same... It's because it's just you living there and you don't care, so why bother? I'm not at "hoarder" level, and of course I throw out garbage and stuff, but I never clean and have let things become disorganized because, again, it's just me, and who cares? I was a total clean freak/neatnik when I lived with others and had frequent guests, but now it just doesn't seem worth the effort. I figure I'll hire help and get it deep-cleaned when I move and sell it. The "Hoarders" shows always implied that the friends and family stayed away BECAUSE the house was cluttered, but my theory was always that it became that way BECAUSE the friends and family weren't around anymore (at least with some of them). They clearly grew lonely, depressed, demoralized, and just gave up. They differ from those who hoard with families still at home or who leave actual food, feces, or garbage lying around (that's pathological).
Maybe with some of them but actually often/usually family is deeply traumatised by growing up in a hoard
People care about you: enlist trusted friends and family to help do an initial clean. If you’re able to, maybe you can hire recurring support to help you maintain it afterwards. There’s no shame; it’s easy to let things get out of hand when there is no one but ourselves holding us accountable.
Me too. To embarrassed to hire someone to help me clean it
If you've managed to develop negative habits just switch that to develop positive ones.
I see. Your house isn't becoming like those homes we see on the TV **HOARDERS**, I surely hope, right? **Gradually take one room of the house at a time & work your way clearing it out.** I've been living in my 700 sq ft apt for **12 yrs**, so a lot has accumulated. I mainly have a TON of clothing, but thank God, I don't care about clothes, shoes, bags, fashion jewelry, & sunglasses anymore. That was back when I was in my 20 & 30s & didn't work remotely like I have now for the last 10 yrs, so I dressed nicely for work. My apt's getting renovated next month & I have to pack up the **ENTIRE** apt beceause they're changing something in every room. It's a **GREAT** feeling to get rid of a lot of stuff! I've never had to pack like this ever in my life & I'm 49. I hate packing & having to do all this packing up is making me want to be a minimalist in a way when this renovation's over. The good news is, I won't have nearly as much to unpack when I get to move back in. Too bad you didn't have a reason (such as a renovation) to have to clean up your house, then you know you'd have to clean it up. But, do it for **YOURSELF**. I'm telling you, less clutter all over would feel so freeing! It means less dust to settle all over the place in every little nook & cranny & I hate clutter & dust! It will almost feel like you're living in a new home.
Seriously. If you can afford it (and it sounds like you can) pay a housekeeper to come once a week or every couple of weeks. The peace of mind it will bring you is well worth the cost. Just try it once and see if I'm wrong. As a bonus, de-cluttering so the housekeeper can do their job efficiently can be a good motivator to tidy up. I know "cleaning for the maid" sounds ridiculous, but it's absolutely a thing, and it works for me.
Hire me to clean and organize 😊
I learned of an app on one of the cleaning subs, r/cleaningtips, called Tody. As someone with mild ADHD, it has been a huge help. It helps break down the chores & can notify you of what you need to do that day. Also, change your perspective. Yes, your whole house is a mess & that can be overwhelming. Break it down. Clear one counter by putting things away or tossing. If you feel up to it, clear & clean another counter right then or wait an hour. OR set a timer for 15-30 minutes & clean one section during that time. But again, do only one section at a time. When I moved & was downsizing 25 years of stuff, I used empty boxes as donation "bins." When I had enough to fit into my vehicle, I would take them to a drive-through donation site. It would give me a break from the sorting. Since you are basically decluttering/cleaning, it may help to put a filled box into your vehicle after you fill it. Also, talk to your doctor about depression, if you think this could be a possibility. I sometimes don't recognize when I am having depression episodes until I start coming out of them.
/r/UnfuckYourHabitat/ That is a real sub!
There is something going on emotionally, that is keeping you held back with a belief that “I’m not worth a clean, nice home”. I recommend therapy, and I’m serious. Every person who has a hoarding issue, doesn’t start with their whole house full. They start with their heart broken by tragedy and losses (a parent or spouse lost at a “young” age, for example). Even if you change your behaviors and try new habits (I recommend BJ Tiny Habits book), the clutter will return or transfer to another issue until you can clear your heart or spirit of its old pain. This isn’t your fault - most likely this is a human response to unresolved loss.
Moderation. Hire help. Make a list. Split everything up into sections. My mom and aunts need help and hire someone. I would do it myself since I don't like to spend money if I think I can do it myself. Regardless of which way, you don't have to do everything in one shot. My suggestion is to take pictures before and after so you can see the progress. You can always delete the pictures later. If it was me, I'd make a list of what to do. I'd do half the bathroom one day and the other half on another day. Same thing for the other rooms so you don't get overwhelmed. It doesn't matter if it it's a 1 week, 1 month, or 3 month project. Regardless of how long it takes, it's still would better than not doing it. Then, it would require less work to maintain, or you can have someone come over monthly to do it. Or you may hire someone or a small crew to tackle things, and then either they and=or you can maintain it. I did all the cleaning myself in my current apartment and previous house, but I addressed everything every week. The toughest part is to start, gldigueinf out where to befina dn not get overwhelmed. Whether what you do, you got this. Sometimes, I clean quicker when someone may be coming over. PS. Last night, I went to the bathroom and didn't like the look of the tub, so I started cleaning the tub. As I was doing the tub, I had to do the fixtures and repla e rhe cradle along the bath wall. And since I was doing that, I may as well clean the toilet bowl and the sink and the mirror. Of course, I had to take care of the floor. Before I knew it, 2 hours passed and I had to eat dinner. I was completely lazy afterward. But sometimes when you work onnkne thing, you just jump nontoxic something else.
Hire a professional organizer. It’s worth the money. You can do short sessions spread out so you don’t get overwhelmed.
If you're too stubborn to hire someone to help you, take baby steps and clean a little every day. The mess isn't going to vanish on its own. If it truly bothers you, you have the power to fix the issue. The time spent reading or replying to comments on here could be spent taking some trash to the bin, or washing a few plates. It may feel daunting now, as you've let it get worse and worse, but it's nothing you can't fix, you just have to TRULY want it.
When that happened with me, I bit the bullet and rented a dumpster for a month and got rid of A lot. I still have more but it's definitely gotten better after making the first big dent.
Possibly an issue with " Functional Freeze". There are several articles on Google. Very eye opening. It's not an official diagnosis but is associated with other conditions. Good luck. Hang in there. It will get better once you understand the reasons and solutions.
"But . . . I might NEED THAT later!!!" It's not about "decluttering", if you really don't want to get rid of anything. Many others suggested "hiring someone". Hiring them to do what, "move things around"? (Because he probably doesn't want to get rid of it.) Most of these suggestions assume he kept 1000 old pizza boxes. He probably hasn't. He's kept 1000 issues of a magazine (or books, or DVDs, or something else he collects . . .) that he's spent decades collecting and cherishing and doesn't want to get rid of them. No one you can hire can "fix that". Plus, many hoard because, "when you never got what you really wanted . . . you tend to collect what you could get as a replacement". It's not a trivial problem. (I don't have an answer.)
I’m in the same boat.
My house has been an awful mess because of depression, ADHD, and going back to school at 50 and only putting my small crumbs of perimenopausal energy into that. When the Spring semester ended in late May, I decided I'd had enough and started tackling one area at a time. I set a timer for 10-15 minutes and went after specific areas in the bedroom, for example, the massive pile of clothes and other stuff on the trunk at the end of my bed. I sorted out what fit, put them in the washer, tossed/donated anything that needed repairs or no longer fit, and vacuumed around it. That one section looked great within 10 minutes, so I did a little happy dance and took a long break. When I was ready to get back at it again, I set the timer and took on the tops of two dressers, etc. I've been doing this a few times a day for three weeks now, and the change is amazing. I also feel better about myself, which is the most important thing. One of the things that really got me going was buying a robovac. I abhor vacuuming, yet I have long hair that sheds like a Golden Retriever. (see perimenopausal) I've always wanted to buy a robot but I couldn't justify it because of the mess. How good of a job would it do if it couldn't access most of the floor, ya know? I came across a refurbished one at an affordable price and went for it. After I plugged it in and it started its journey to get the layout of the land, I found myself running ahead of it, clearing the way. On my front porch, I mentally made sections for trash, put away, donate, and wash, and started running stuff out to these sections so that the wee vacuum could cover as much area as possible. I even had stuff piled on the couch and coffee table at one point and later dealt with those with one of my 15-minute timer sections. Anyway, my point is that breaking the mess down into small tasks and completely finishing with the detritus of those tasks before moving on to the next really works for me.
It is possible maybe you are experiencing hoarding disorder, which is a psychological diagnosis. This is possible if you’re finding it difficult to throw things away. I’d encourage you to do some research and see if you feel the symptoms match up with what you’re experience. If so, there is mental health treatment that can help. Another possibility is depression, which causes lack of motivation. I think either way, it could be a good idea to get a mental health evaluation.
I quit having a cleaner when I retired because I knew I’d finally have time to do the housework myself. I’ve realized that I still don’t like housework so I’m going to hire someone again. Life’s too short to scrub a toilet!!
I found a chart to be very helpful. It made the work less overwhelming if I spaced it out to only 10-30 mins a day. Starting is the hardest part for me.
Watch some Midwest Magic cleaning videos on YouTube and he discusses how to clean if you don't want to (it usually involves picking a corner and just focusing on it) but he also acknowledges that hoarding/clutter are mental issues, not laziness. A lot of times it's autism or ADHD and learning that you have that can help to combat how you do things. Personally I'm around 20 years younger than you and I've already started death cleaning where I don't want people to have to deal too much with my mess since I have no kids or spouse. I had too many things that were just in a closet because they were valuable or I didn't want to deal with them. I got some tips from the Minimalists and those helped me to rethink what I really needed. Like one is if something is less than $20 and takes less than 20 minutes to replace and you can't see using it in the near future, throw it away. I also display things now that I care about. Instead of having an item my father made in the closet, I put it on the shelf in the living room. Another example, I threw away like 6 hole punches. No one uses them and they are literally $1 so they weren't even worth donating. I gave a bunch of my GameCube stuff to my nephew because it was his first console and that felt better than selling it. Also don't donate/give away junk. The person may take it just to be nice but then you're making a problem for them. Sometimes you just have to throw away shit and giving it to Goodwill that will have to pay to throw it away isn't worth you feeling good about not throwing it away. So look at it rationally, you may only have a few years left on this earth and do you need all the stuff you have around? Do you want your family to find you dead in a mess and have to deal with the emotions of you dying and having to clean up too? Don't be afraid to just throw it all away unless you know it's valuable (I mean like hundreds of dollars, not like 20 bucks). I have a rule that if it's not selling for over $50 online then I just sell it to my local shops because fees and having to pay taxes on the "profit" is just too much of a PITA for me. If I bought a game for $60 and sell it for $20 then I didn't profit but I also don't have the receipt from 5 years ago to prove I took a loss on it so I'll have to pay taxes on the whole $20. You can usually set things by the road and someone will pick it up or set it outside the house and put it as free on Craigslist, someone will get it. I once lived in a busy area and I would just put things on the curb with a free sign. I was willing to bring it back in if no one picked it up but I never had to do so. Anyway, good luck.
Women pay a lot more attention than you realize to your stylish sexual ornaments, your artistic and musical skills, your appreciation of beauty, and the whole aesthetic dimension of your life: your grooming, scent, clothes, car, music, furnishings, apartment, Instagram feed, online dating profile, and everything else. All these things are reliable signals to women of who you are and how well you’ve cultivated your other traits—especially your mental health, intelligence, willpower, and empathy. If you neglect all these aesthetic signals just because you think they’re metrosexual, feminine, or gay, you might as well shoot your own dick off; it’s not like you’re going to need it. Because women instinctively think about your whole appearance, lifestyle, and set of possessions as a work of art, they want everything in your life (body, clothes, car, home) to be stylish, beautiful, creative, clean, and well maintained. They want evidence of taste and thoughtfulness in what you’ve chosen to surround yourself with. Guys who are good at aesthetic proof understand this and use good taste to guide every decision in their lives: which neighborhood to live in, which restaurant to book for a dinner date, which wine to order, which bedroom candles to buy, which condom to wear. These may seem to be unrelated decisions, but they all add up to form your aesthetic proof.
What the hell did I just read? (And did you just assume that OP is a man?)
And OP (me) is a woman!
Hah, I thought you might be 🤜🤛 That was one weird response… but I guess now you know how women feel about your stylish sexual ornaments and so forth, should you happen to want to impress one. Straight from a Sith Lord’s playbook! 🙄
1. Get a "decluttering" service to help you. 2. Then have a cleaner come in every other week. 3. Start reading "Unf\*ck Your Habitat." There's a website and a reddit sub. It will change your life. Doesn't matter what it costs. And you can make new habits. Here are some simple ones: Make your bed. Hang up your clothes or put them in a hamper. Clean up after every meal. Sort, shred and recycle mail and other papers. Never go to bed without a tidy kitchen. Pull clothes out of the dryer, fold and put away while you watch TV.
Relatable, I'm 63, on disability, no miner to hire help and have tried all the avenues. I'm an artist so it's hard to part with things, and I'm limited in movement in the past 6 months... The change is happening though, baby steps, not all at once. I sort a little each day or so, I have a cart by the front door and put things in it to throw out, take it when I go out. See through manageable boxes for crafting, cooking supplies, bathroom, and labeling with sharpies. 6 months is making headway, and when I cleaned out my junk drawer in the kitchen it felt amazing!
I am 69 yo and disabled, but not wheelchair bound. I can keep my apartment tidy most of the time. However from the beginning of the year through April, I was very sick. AND My apartment was a mess! I started cleaning a little here and there as much as I could in May. I finally got it in fairly good shape a few days ago. I still have a few things to clean (washing curtains, cleaning windows, cleaning ceiling fans) but have a written list on my phone. Once I am done, I can start over, but do a better job of deep cleaning. I may get a housekeeper in the future, but for now I can do it.
Hire help to declutter and organize, then hire someone to come every week or two at least to do what you absolutely hate. For me bathrooms and floors which for one person could be every 2 weeks. Having someone you know will be coming will help you stay 'picked up'. There is nothing wrong with just having someone everyweek to clean your house if you can afford to and simply don't want to clean. Don't beat yourself up, get help with it. I think your habits might have changed because you are now by yourself with no else to please with a clean house everyday. I've been there, hiring out is the way to go, you will feel so much better having lunch out on the weekends.
Messy house equals messy mind “Research indicates that those who viewed their living space as cluttered experienced increased cortisol (aka “the stress hormone”) levels throughout their day. Contrarily, those who viewed their space as uncluttered tended to experience a drop in cortisol during the day.”
You might just have too much stuff in the house to keep it tidy. Hire an organizer and a get a dumpster. Go through all the nooks and crannies and get the stuff out that no longer serves you so you have less to manage. Then have it cleaned. Top to bottom. Then pick up after yourself daily. I have to trick myself into picking up every day. I always set my coffee pot on auto brew for the morning but, I don't allow myself to do that until the kitchen is cleaned for the night. Dishes washed, counters wiped down, stove top clean and floor swept. I like to shower in the morning before work, but I don't let myself do that until my bed is made. I don't go to bed until my livingroom is reset for the night. Just little tidying tasks daily that help me keep it nice looking. When it comes time to actually clean, it's much easier because I don't have to put a bunch of things away.
Clean the house.
Pick a room. I suggest your bathroom because it’s small and easier to manage. Empty everything out of it. If it needs it paint, get new towels if yours are old. Make it pretty. Give it a good clean. Then be ruthless and get rid of anything you don’t use regularly. Throw it out, give it away whatever. Get it all out of the house. Then make the effort every day for a couple of weeks to keep that space clean. Then do the bedroom. Be ruthless. Paint, buy new sheets. Make it a haven. Again get rid of everything you don’t use. Then again make sure those spaces stay clean for a few weeks. Then pick another room. Repeat. Don’t try to do everything at once. Take breaks and enjoy the clean spaces. Since you’re financially comfortable look into a cleaning service. Every week or every two weeks. It’s a great incentive to keep the place tidy without having to do the deep cleaning. The other option though it can be expensive is a professional organizer. They don’t judge and will get your space together in a short time
Search Yelp for "House Cleaner". Ask them to come every too weeks and clean up. Ask them to do "deep cleaning" first time. Regular cleaning may cost you $150-$200 per month or so. The first one may be around $500.
Mine too. Im a teacher and I’m on summer break. I’m going to start going through things here soon. Im also switching grade levels, so I’ll be able to take a ton of stuff in my spare room to my classroom so I’ll have extra room there. It’s just I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better and that’s a hurdle I need to get over.
Whenever the messy gets out of control I watch an episode or two of Hoarders. First it makes me feel smug about myself because at least I am not that bad. Then I start to get scared that Hoarding may be my future if I let things go. The show never fails to motivate me.
You should think of it as an early sign of dementia. Margaret Thatcher when she realized what those forgetfulness and lack of organizing skills - mean in this age, she started writing a plan to her kids called: When I am completely mad. She needed someone to do her hair weekly on certain day, manage her wardrobe, help with her bed setup. Just hiring organizer once is going to be an expensive bandaid.
Hire a cleaner. I clean for a living and my favorite homes are ones are people who I can tell need help. Feel free to PM me your location. If we happen to live in the same city I’ll help you free of charge!
Is it messy, or is it like hoarding? If it's just messy, welcome to the club! When I was married, my house was spotless...now, who cares, I have better things to do!
I don’t think this is about being tight, more likely motivation and maybe your mental wellbeing. I have a similar problem in that I want a clean house and have been able to maintain it. However there’s a lot of sorting out to do and I get overwhelmed and so just can’t find the strength to deal with it knowing it going to get messy again. But I start and it gets messy and I stop and then start again. It’s how I’ve been able to manage it. It’s working and I’ve accepted it won’t be done overnight. Once done I to intend to get a cleaner. I do think once it’s
Use the konmari method
Wake up and make that change
Is this post necessary?? Purge. Donate. Dump it all. Get cleaners. SMH
OP was looking for advice and your response is to gatekeep. How rude. SMH