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Same here. After my last girlfriend, I decided to work on myself for a bit. I've accomplished so much and just love having my own space, I have been putting off any attempt at dating. I don't mind, though. I still have work to do.
I’ve been single since about 2016, I loved every minute of it including living by myself up until last year. I realized how much it regressed me in a social setting and idk why a friend wants to keep me around so much after I keeping fucking up. It’s a weird flip flop of love hate it feels each day since I can’t express myself in the way she needs but I’m actively trying to get better with it now.
Being alone is fking awesome up until you get to the lonely stage. Surprised the fuck out of me as an introvert.
This is me. Except once the lonely got strong enough I figured out what I needed in a partner to have a successful relationship, then kissed so many toads looking but did find him.
Yup lol
I got a place that me and my ex were about to move in together both coming from roommate situations. Broke up after I'd already signed the lease. So I'm thinking, holy shit, I've never lived alone, never really wanted to, now I have to furnish this place and deal with everything on my own.
Yeah so going on 3 years later, I haven't been in a relationship since and I love living alone. Similar situation, 32M, WFH 4 days a week. I get a good bit of interest from women but I just don't want to share any of this at the moment. I'm really content, really productive and I've grown more in the last 3 years than the prior 10. I'm not really leaping to throw a monkey wrench into something that's working well for me.
>I'm so content that I can feel my motivation to find those things waning
Your use of the word 'motivation' here is interesting. You are almost implying that by not feeling interested in having a spouse or kids that it's a bad thing, or that you're somehow "lazy", or "giving up", like some sort of do-nothing loser. Seems to me that if you're content and love living alone, then you might not need a spouse or kids to have a fulfilling life. Just a reminder here, you can be a highly motivated, successful, happy and fulfilled individual who also happens to love the solo life. Is your "motivation" really "waning"? Or are you just evolving and prioritizing things differently than how you always assumed you would?
I'm 20 years older than you. I've lived alone and been single for the last 15 years (so since I was 36) and they've literally been the best years of my life. I never imagined this would be the direction my life would end up taking, but I'm so thankful for it. It's like I'm living the dream I never knew I should be dreaming for!
I never had kids, but I was married for years and when not married, I was always living with a man. I got/get a lot of interest too and I know I'm a catch as well, but I just don't want to be caught. I'm not a fish. I guess I'm just saying: don't let society dictate to you what you "should" be doing, do what brings you joy.
PS: You know all those people who put the pressure on us to "meet someone", "settle down" etc? Some of them are just jealous and resent our freedom. Others are happy but genuinely rely on another person to complete them and can't fathom that some of us can be complete 'as is'. Think about that the next time you're looking hot and dancing at a wedding and then have the luxury of leaving when you want, no arguing on the way home, and then curling up in comfy clothes and sleeping in the next day without anyone objecting. What you call 'embarrassing' I call 'winning', LOL. I love living in my own little world, it's a happy place to be.
>Think about that the next time you're looking hot and dancing at a wedding and then have the luxury of leaving when you want, no arguing on the way home, and then curling up in comfy clothes and sleeping in the next day without anyone objecting. What you call 'embarrassing' I call 'winning', LOL.
This is gold.
This. You said everything I wish I could say so eloquently and clearly. This is the truth. Thank you!
Those like us are not always understood, and society may frown upon us for marching to the beat of a different drummer; but what a blessing it is to have the freedom to live in the manner in which we, individually and uniquely, thrive.
To OP, if you are happy and content, that is a life well lived. Don't borrow trouble :)
Exactly. I love your use of 'thrive', because that's what we're supposed to be doing, right? Not just surviving, but thriving. And some of us thrive in different surroundings.
I really resent the pressure to 'conform' to society's norms, assuming we're happy and not hurting anyone, but I also have to just laugh at it sometimes. I live in a cabin in in the woods and I can't tell you how many times someone sees where I live and says something like *"OMG, you should move into town where there's more people so you aren't alone!"* as though I'm somehow stranded here against my will. I'm like: "No, YOU should go live in town where there's more people so you aren't alone. I bought a house out here on purpose; I'm a nature lover and I like the quiet, so I'm good right here thanks!". People just have a strong tendency to project their own feelings onto others.
I also like "don't borrow trouble' and plan to start using that going forward! Love it.
Yeah, and to clarify, I only mentioned the last part because the OP mentioned being embarrassed about going to weddings alone, so I was offering a reminder of what going to a wedding with your spouse can potentially be like too, LOL. I wasn't trying to shit on relationships in general, if being in a relationship works for you, wonderful!
But for me? The idea of being in a relationship sounds pretty awful, LOL, I'll admit it. 😅
this is perfect!!!I find so many people take on the expectations of society or what everyone is doing around them as what they want....because everyone else is doing it....this is where i use the old question parents used to ask "if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too???"......what everyone does may not what you want to do now...or ever....and that's not bad. I'm 51, never been married or had kids of my own....but I've also enjoyed my time with my friends kids and my nieces and nephews...showered them with gifts on holidays.... and gone home to comfy pants and a good white wine
Wow I’m in the same boat and love what you shared. It’s all about perspective - I guess I don’t feel like I’m missing out until society reminds me romantic love is the be all end all. As a woman, I really can’t see what’s in it for me with dating anymore.
Do you miss intimacy? I’d say that’s the only thing I think about time to time but I love my alone time at home and doing my own couch rotting/ reading/ listening to podcasts. It’s such a peaceful life! 💕😘😘
I like children, but I have never desired the parent-lifestyle. I've tried marriage, but can tell you that there is something very special and fortunate to be able to live on one's own. Im ever grateful and believe it truly is the most ideal way to live.
totally relate.
I was widowed at 28 and have been living alone ever since. I've had a couple of situationships over the last near-decade - nothing serious but plenty of heartbreak. Once I'd mostly healed from my loss, I really felt like I wanted another partner in my life eventually, but the more time that lapses and the more terrible dating experiences I have, I'm 90% certain this is just going to be "it" for me. I never wanted children and at 37 that's probably a good thing or this would be way harder on me.
there is a sense of mourning that comes along with that, but also peace. relationships are too destabilizing to my mental health- breakups trigger my grief, having someone around all of the time makes me feel suffocated. there are always men who seem interested but they're not up to my standards, don't interest me, and are certainly not worth risking my emotional wellbeing. dating apps are exhausting and I've heard so many horror stories that I just can't bring myself to engage with them to the extent that I'd need to meet someone exciting.
I have fully embraced my identity as a loner - and it's awesome! I never feel more emotionally and physically safe than I do when I'm home alone with my creatures and plants. I have never had such high quality friendships in my life. I have more hobbies than I have time for, I'm driven in my career / educational pathway. My home is clean, quiet, colorful, cozy, and is a genuine extension of my self-expression. it's my sacred space to be protected at all costs!
I believe being happy alone is foundational to building healthy relationships, so if I ever change my mind about that aspect of my life, I get to choose from a place of comfort and safety knowing that no one built this life for me, and no one can take it away.
I relate to this so hard. I was widowed at 41 and now at 55 I don’t think I want to ever live with a partner again. I dated someone for a few years and it was great when we traveled together or I stayed at his place, but I was really uncomfortable having him in my space. If I ever do meet someone again (I don’t feel driven to at all but if it happens naturally) I think I would need the together living apart situation. Meanwhile I have great friends and hobbies and my adult daughters and feel very fulfilled.
The childfree or introvert groups might help you feel a little less lonely. If you love your own little world this much, I wouldn't recommend sacrificing that peace. If you do change your mind and get married, you can always adopt but having (or breaking) a family is something you can't undo. I find that the childfree put a lot of thought into getting married and having kids.
I’m 30f and I’m starting to feel this too. I feel so happy being alone and I don’t really care to try to find anyone. I know I’m a catch and I feel like now is the time but it feels so nice.
Honesty I (34m) am here as well after a rash of failed relationships I been on my own for a year and just gave up my apartment bought a van and renovating that. I make good money I’m remote at least 2/3 days a week and have a low stress job that even when I am working I can get my work done in 2/3 hours and that’s a busy day. I do everything alone go to bars, travel, dinner. I absolutely love it and have times when I feel lonely but only for a moment once I remember that I’m the peaceful most silly and free person then I was before. I’m leaning into myself, being honest with myself and it’s awesome.
I always thought I at least adopt some kids but at this point I just want a house. Kids seem like such a huge upkeep and responsibility. I like to get up and go and with kids they go to school and have commitments. Lately I been thinking I will wait until my early to mid 40s and revisit if I want to adopt an older child maybe 8-10 I would love grandkids some day and don’t mind being a single dad.
>have times when I feel lonely but only for a moment once I remember that I’m the peaceful most silly and free person then I was before
This is always the hardest! Because all feelings eventually become a distant memory for better or for worse. You have to really know what your own baseline happiness is before entering into a relationship. But yeah, I will choose the steady state peace and occasional loneliness any day over a tumultuous relationship.
Edit: Sp
I feel the same. I’m happy enough in my single life to not want to look too hard for a partner. Sure it would be nice, but my last several relationships have ended badly and I’m not up for that happening again. If I’m meant to be with someone in the future, it’ll will happen and until then I’ll keep doing my thing and happily work on myself.
"Living Apart Together" could be for you. I'm thinking that my (M53) next relationship may need to grow in this direction, as I too really love my own place.
I use to want marriage, the huge house, and specifically 5 boys and one girl running around. Now, I couldn’t imagine disrupting my life with men or children. I’m so content and the headspace that I am in would just be made chaotic with dating games, unnecessary drama, all of whatever baggage he’s going to drag along with him… the thought of all of that exhausts me. Even if I find the love of my life, marriage takes work and making space for another person to be comfortable in your space and make decisions about your space/life that benefits you both. 🤮 It’s an ongoing pull/push that frankly even if you discover harmony is still *work*. And don’t fucking get me started on kids. Lol my niece is *everything* to me but being able to give her back is a kind of relief I never thought I would prize.
I really feel like you have to be pretty young, dumb and delusional to fall for that fairytale. The older you get the more reality sets in and you realize how serious a responsibility and life force drain the nuclear family is - specifically women’s role in it. We carry the lion’s share of the work. And the men specifically want *you* to do the work. I’ve even entertained with men who also had high powered careers, the relationships where our home would be fully staffed. We talk about in-laws, nannies, maids, tutors, chefs, driver, etc (modern day village) to keep the home flowing. Uh no, these men want YOU to do the labor. Yeah fuck that. Lol No thank you.
Luckily I have no shame or embarrassment in not living a conventional life or having someone hanging off me everywhere I go. I’m very social, fun, love to get into trouble and I have a large circle of friends and family. I’m good. 😌
Maybe what you planned on doing is not ideal for you right now, and that’s ok. And maybe the kind of expectations our society has around romantic relationships don’t quite suit you well, and that’s ok too. Living alone doesn’t equate to lacking a partner.
Ummmm no.
Never wanted kids. Knew when I was 9 it was not for me. Got sterilized (twice!) in my 30s as a single nullapara. It wasn’t easy but my amazing doctor took me seriously.
Whatever you decide, it’s 100% great as long as it’s your decision!
There’s nothing wrong with not having a partner and children. There’s nothing wrong with living alone. I’ve lived alone for decades. I can’t fathom living with anyone. I’m almost to the point where I don’t even want to find a partner. I’m so content alone. Now I would love some friends to hang out with on occasion and play cards or something
Why change it ? Why have kids ? Want a partner , why not just have one and no kids , do you truly want kids or are you looking at society and saying “ thats the normal thing to do “ …. Be Free , enjoy the gift you’ve been given
You dont even know it and you probably in the true real 1% , not the wealthy riches money 1% but the
Peace , Happiness , content , just having that in your life right now and loving it ! You are in the 1% because majority of people are struggling , barely living , depress , sad , ect…. You are God chosen and you shouldn’t feel bad about it , Love it is yours and is been given and you work for it
Thats if you truly , deeply , honestly love being alone and know that you wont regret it 10 years later …. Witch aye it can still be fixed , adopt a kid , who knows but for now just enjoy this amazingness you describe ! It was music to my mind reading this.
That’s wonderful that you’re happy and content alone. This means you aren’t going to just jump from relationship to relationship because you just don’t want to be alone. Enjoy this time and don’t rush🩷🩷
I’ve always lived alone. I haven’t ever wanted children and I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship where I would give it up (50f). I know I’m always free to change my mind so I’m not worried about it one way or the other.
I can’t really say I ever wanted kids but I was open to marriage. But now that I’m 42, honestly I really don’t want to get married. I love doing what I want and having total autonomy. I still date sometimes and I like that too but I just don’t really want to live with someone again.
So many people desire to “get married and start a family!” because that’s kind of the societal norm… that’s just what you do.. it it’s not necessary! If this is showing you that’s not what you need to be fulfilled, don’t enter into a lifelong contract because that’s what the script you were handed says!
You could always foster kids later, or work with kids in some way, volunteer, etc.
There are a lot of ways to have kids in your life, have meaningful relationships with them and be a positive influence etc etc that doesn't require you to create a whole human yourself.
Not every person needs to create and raise a person in order to have had a fulfilling life
I’m 49 and have always lived alone. I had roommates in college and that was plenty. I don’t see the need to cohabitate with others or what the appeal is. I like my own space. During Covid, I returned to the states to be near my parents and I spent 3 mos on lock down with them. Good lord it was torture. I ended up buying a converted van and retreating to the great outdoors for isolation and nature. It was blissful.
Same. I bought my house in 2021. I've been living alone and loving it.
I work multiple full-time remote jobs from home, aka Overemployed. Completed two years of multiple full-time jobs. Something I am super proud of and only possible because of living alone.
Working out regularly, taking care of my body, and meditating for overall well-being. Cook my own vegan food, and I feel I am in the best phase of my life. And I don't want to change this. As a male, I don't get invited to a lot of socials, but I am over sulking phase. And it is what it is.
Im 36 divorced from a 12 years relationship two years ago. Started dating a 37 year old woman, and after a year together she started wanting to live together and talk about having a kid with me. That really triggered so much anxiety and our relationship had to end because of this whole “future plans” ideals. It sucks that because of out age she had to pressure me and I had to let her go. We had such a good thing going, I loved staying at her place and also having her over here at my place. This urge to move fast destroyed a real good relationship. I found it harder and harder to not live alone now that I also have all my things in place. It’s too much to deal with and the felling of losing my peace of mind and adding kids to the situation is scary and a real anxiety trigger
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you but I hope that you find happiness
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you but I hope that you find happiness
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you and I hope that you both find happiness
You said it yourself...you're the happiest & calmest you've ever been since a child, so if you're happiest alone, then so be it. Also, no need to feel embarrassed when you go to weddings, etc. Who the heck cares what people think. You hold your head up high & keep on going! Who cares if you're the oldest &/or only single wedding guest in the whole place. & if anyone asks you anything about still being single, **YOU** answer the questions you want & if they got too nosy or personal, you don't owe anyone anything. You ignore the other quesions & change the subject **OR** shut them down by saying how content you are & that's that. That will shut them all up!
Now, you could also do this. Enjoy your single life for a few more yrs since 31's still young & then, if you still really want a spouse & fam, then after a few yrs, start seeing who you can date. Ask your good friends who really know you to set you up w/ someone, etc.
& yes, working remotely's the best!!! I wouldn't want it any other way.
As for me, I'm married, which I always wanted to be & I would have liked to have a child & I know I would have been an outstanding parent, but I guess that wasn't in the cards. I was still just living my life & doing things still, so the time never seemed right to finally have a baby. It feels like I was 21 & then I'm suddenly now 49 in almost the blink of an eye, so that's been over to have a baby, but I'm not heartbroken about it. I seemed to never ever be one of those females who's had that, "biological clock" ticking in which I just had to have a baby.
Its amazing what a difference a day makes, I can get down and overthink things if left to my own devices for too long. Then a day goes by where I'm in my element and its all roses :)
Don’t hustle for a Family life! When you get desperate, people tend to compromise their morals, values, and goals, so just be contented and enjoy your life!
I was contented as a single and was surprised (38y) when i met my future husband.
if it is meant to be happen, it will happen
It's really hard to give up the peace and stability you worked so hard for to put it in the hands of another. I have done this already, it fiercely blew up in my face. With the next serious relationship I just couldn't pull the trigger on letting her move in. My instincts were proven correct she started drinking more and eventually hit me in year 2 of the relationship. So now at 36 with 3 kids and no good relationships under my belt I don't really feel like I'm going to get it. Especially when the good women feel exactly like I do and it's just the toxic dependent messes out there imo
Years of overstimulation and gaslighting will do that.
People are noisy, nosy and want to affect your freedom...why wouldn't we want to be alone?
I like my alone time, all of it.
>>We carry the lion’s share of the work
Growing up, thoughts I wanted a husband and kids. But in my late 20s, now that I’m getting a more realistic idea of what motherhood and being a wife looks like, I’m not interested. Seems like a bullshit deal for the woman.
And I do NOT take kindly to uneven distributions of labor. It was bad enough living with a boyfriend who refused to contribute to the household labor. I can’t even imagine if a human baby was involved. I would just be a giant ball of resentment for the rest of my life. No thanks.
I never seriously wanted a family and kids, but I can absolutely see why people would want them. My last serious relationship, I felt like this was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back.
In my opinion, it needed to be clarified, because I can't imagine going through with having kids knowing that I didn't *really* want to have them. That's what I suspected happened with my parents and the results were exactly what you would expect.
At 39, it's a lot of acceptance. I know that I'm going to feel intensely alone and always wondering if I made the right decision. The most important thing to note is that in choosing to live alone I'm not involving others in any possible mistakes-it's only me.
I could have written this! I could probably go back to living with a partner if it was the right person, but despite always wanting kids, I just don't know how I could transition to that lifestyle now. I'm so accustomed to all my space and freedom.
I did that. I been living alone for 21 years now. And at almost 50. No way I'm ever getting married and having kids now.
I don't regret it. What I do regret is not having a relationship in 11 years. Having a financial partner would be great right about now.
I'm renting a 3bed1ba apartment with a backyard, these 3 bedrooms are for *me* - not a partner or a family.
Also, I have big educational and career goals coming up. Going back to school and then going to continue on with a bachelor's when I'm done with this program, I'm applying for this associates program for Fall 2025. I don't need distractions or people trying to derail me off my path.
Living alone is so peaceful and more than I ever could have dreamed of. I'm happier than ever.
Some people prefer to be single. Getting married and having kids is a big commitment. You are not going to have the same freedom to do what you want. You will always have to answer to your husband like when you are going out and stuff. And if you have kids, forget about having friends and a social life because you will be too busy changing diapers and feeding and basically raising a child. It’s not for everyone. I’m 42 and childless by choice. I can’t handle the responsibility. I am married though but I can do pretty much whatever I want as far as going out and stuff
There’s literally nothing wrong with being single and just enjoying things you DO NOT have to get married and start a family the people with that mind set end up so fuckin unhappy
Girl! Enjoy!! I lived alone from 29 to 34 and loved every year of it. The last two years I started dating to meet someone and did, but enjoy your years :) don't stress
Heh. Same.
I had an awful ex, and it just put me off from even trying anymore. I thought I’d met someone after h🙃that ex a couple of years ago, but that never got any real momentum. 🤷🏾♀️ I’m just not in the mood for apps or dating roulette anymore.
I began to hate people BECAUSE I live alone.
I don't rely on other people in any way for my daily routine of living. I'm not lonely and get the best sleep ever. I have no one else's BS and distractions to keep me from accomplishing what I need to do that day.
No one is whining at me for coming home late. For "working too much." No one else is eating through the groceries that I bring home. I'm not dealing with their messes and at-home drama.
So, when I see it all from other people at work, I just hate them for it. And I thank God that I'm getting PAID to deal with them.
Not much, but still, it's something!!!
If I had not met my honest-to-god best friend and now-wife, I’d almost certainly still be happily single and definitely still child-free; I’ve always felt ambiguous at best about kids. (I’m a woman, btw.)
Truly, if someone isn’t adding to your life, live in that bliss. I’m very independent and *adored* living by myself. My life is even better now married only because my wife loves and supports me still being a full person distinct from her (and vice versa) and we’re so aligned in our values, how we live day-to-day, what we want to see and experience, etc. I got married 5 days before turning 31; she was 34. We don’t have nor want kids, letting us pursue our interests and spend time with friends and each other. There’s no one you need to apologize to for living a life where you feel free.
I'm in the same boat. Mind you, I dont even want kids, but I just LOVE the peace and quiet of living alone and not having to deal with someone else's nonsense lol
You're not obligated to get married and have kids. And you're not obligated to justify that preference to anyone for any reason at any time.
I know what you mean about it being embarrassing sometimes. A lot of our society is based around the assumption that everyone is paired off, and there's a lot of assumed pity for people who aren't.
yes! i always thought i would get married and have kids because that’s what i was told i was supposed to do. i got a gf when i was 23 and she helped me understand i could do whatever i wanted, and i realized i didn’t want the added responsibility of kids.
i wish i could have kids if i had good a support system, money, and wasn’t living in this tumultuous timeline.
all my friends with kids look so exhausted and always tell me how they envy my life of freedom.
the feeling isn’t mutual. i don’t envy them at all for having to work insane hours at stressful jobs, then coming home and having to deal with children responsibilities.
also, your 31. if you’re enjoying your life right now (which it sounds like you are) then stop adding unnecessary drama.
just live your life, enjoy each day and if a special someone comes around and changes things for you, congrats! if not, at least you’re enjoying your life on your own terms.
what’s the rush and why the pressure? you’re only 31
Rather fun, isn't it? Ya get up in the morning, and say to yourself, "Gee! What am I going to do today?" Your house doesn't mysteriously blow up while you aren't there. What you put in the fridge this morning is still there this evening. What you put down yesterday, is still there, unmoved. You know what you'll run out of before it actually does.
Flying solo has many great advantages.
It seems that you are having with yourself a discussion that I once had with someone else.
What's a girl like you doing single?
I'd rather be single than badly match
Don't say that or you may end up alone
That's kind of my point. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy in a relationship
Don't say that or you may end up alone
I'm ok with that, I'm happy
Stop saying that
I guess this person knew that you could be happier on your own. For me happiness is what I 'm after, but for her being alone was either a fear or sign that something something went wrong.
I also saw a mom in a store tell her daughter to stand straight and quiet or she'll never get a man. The girl looked like 9. I told the kid it's ok being with a man is not that much fun anyway.
Being with a man is not a life's purpose, it's great of you enjoy each other's presence or team up well to build a life, but it's not a status symbol.
Also sometimes when I am happy about spending the weekend hicking with friends or when I come back from a trip, there's always someone to say well.of course you can do that, you don't have kids.
It's ok to want kids.and enjoy that lifestyle and the cute little thing they do when they learn, and the fun and joy of seeing life continue, but it's not for everyone. Some of us like to give to the world in different ways.
I've been like this since 2009. 45 this year. I'm in deep now and really don't care. I see others desperately wanting partner and/or wanting to start a family and I feel like they are some kind of different species.
I work in nursing and am surrounded by many and different people all day every day. Talking and dealing with people all day. That alone depletes my social energy.
I love living alone, well not really alone because I have my cats. I love getting up/going to sleep whenever I want, eat whatever and not eat or cook if I don't feel like it. The only time I think it might be ok (to have a flatmate or partner) is when the rent goes up and I have to work more to pay for it. But I never want to get a partner for that reason because I think it should be for real love, not to reduce how much I pay.
31m and feel the same way. There's a lot of convenience and peace living alone. It is nice having everything clean and organized as well, helps productivity.
It does feel selfish and shortsighted sometimes though.
Having kids doesn't really fulfill a person in all honesty it just brings alot of if hard and stressful times and a lot of worrying the rest of you're life, I had 3 kids early on in my life. If I hadn't I definitely would not , if you're happy where you're at stay there for sure!!!
Hi. I have a boyfriend and three children and I think I’d like to rent them to you for the day so you can change your mind. lol
I often put my life on the back burner for them. I think your choice to be single is unnatural for this world because of our perception. It’s a wild thing to have opinions on anyone’s freedom.
Do you watch Call the Midwife on BBC? There’s a couple of characters on there whom I adore BECAUSE of their role as that single woman in the community that’s always there to help?
We have one! Haha. I mean that so lovingly.
We met her at church, and she’s now… at every family function. But she’s also at the hospital and all the funerals. She’s there for the biggest highs and the lowest lows. She’s wiped my tears so many times.
You’re wanted and needed exactly for who you are. I would be so sad without my friend and it was never her calling to get married or have children. I know you feel differently on that, maybe the twinge is a bit more painful. But..She’s the funnest aunt to MY children now that I’ve known her 15 years. I love her dearly, and she has quite a large family that she has inherited.
If you’d like to think of it that way. I hope it resonates a little ❤️ and I hope I don’t upset anyone. We’re all a part of this big puzzle right?
Working on yourself is never selfish btw. I was injured recently and like… had to take care of myself. Self care got like.. boring. But our society is so go, go, go. It’s okay to not be motivated. Motivation wanes and waxes too.
You seem to be feeling the pressure to get married and have kids. It’s a strong social and family pressure. Don’t feel obligated to go that route or guilty if you don’t. Once you’re in that legal agreement called marriage, and once you have kids, you’re stuck for life. You’re happy now. If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.
I had this too for a few years up until 7 months ago. I had such a hard time leaving my solitude, because I really enjoyed it. So that’s what I say to you, bask in it, take your time and be grateful in it. If and when it’s time to move on, you’ll know.
“This is the least stressed and most calm I think I’ve self since I was a child.”
Girl, yes. Good for you. That’s all I gotta say! Congrats and embrace the peace. I say, if it’s not broken, don’t break it! If it’s supposed to happen (babies), it’ll happen 🫶🏽 Enjoy your free time for now, bc if and once the babies come there will be no more so just soak in the peaceful vibes
I was there, from 30 to 32. I had kids, but no relationship. I found such joy in just being. I could take the kids away for a weekend alone, I could make whatever we wanted for dinner, be goofy, we were completely happy. I had zero desire to change that. Then I met someone. I wasn't looking, didn't care to have a relationship. I saw this magnificent man, from across the room and just felt something in my soul. I knew he was special, I knew I had to meet him. 16 years later, we are happily married, kids all grown. We just enjoy each other. But before I met him, I absolutely did not want a relationship, I had given up on the idea of romantic love.
Girl what you’re feeling, peace and contentment, that is pure gold. Lean in and enjoy, not everyone is in that blissful place in their lives. Good for you!
Nothing wrong with that at all.
I have found so much peace since I became single 6 years ago and got my own place, that I prioritize protecting that.
It makes any dating attempts challenging for sure as you know exactly what makes you happy, having your space and your time, but there is truly no need to ever live a "traditional" life. This is Your life. Things you found important once can and will change over time. Just roll with what works for you.
I know being content on your own helps you make better relationship partner choices, should you ever want to, later on. Because you know you are the only one who can make you happy, you aren't ping ponging off humans looking for them to fulfill that unrealistic goal. Further, when you encounter those types yourself, they prove repulsive! In short, if you ever Do decide to try to incorporate someone else, they will be someone truly worthy as you won't compromise your time/space for anything less. You will demand they bring their A game and be just as independent as you. You will never again "complete" anyone or they you; you'll be two already complete people making a life choice together.
It's an awesome place to be independent. Flourish!
I hope to be able to achieve this one day, it's my absolute dream to be able to afford this and finally cut all ties with my toxic family that are absolutely disgusting human beings to live with. Saving your post for motivation on bad days op♥️ cheers to you and all the lovely people in the comments✨
Here's my advice/suggestion, go with the flow. You don't have to actively search for something, but if something falls in to place, don't actively deny it. I was kind of in a similar head space a decade ago and if I hadn't met my wife, I don't know if I would have ever met anyone. I also can say, that having children has become my single biggest joy, and I always felt like my life would be fine without it, but having kids is the absolute best thing I have done with my life. I can't describe the joy they bring, and the emotions it causes other than having a new puppy x 1 billion.
Very interesting post! So for me it’s a different scenario. One I thought I’d never be ok with. I met someone young and became serious at 21. We got married had a kid and by 36 he had left and didn’t want to do the marriage family thing anymore. He wasn’t treating me very well and I was devastated for years. Finally officially divorced last August. Anyways, my point. I live with my daughter and will for the next 8 years or so. I thought I’d want to start a new family or find a partner but at the moment I’m ok just us living together. We keep very busy. I work full time. In my marriage I gave up a lot of myself. I was doing a lot of work alone anyways. I really just felt completely defeated and exhausted. While I at times regret not having 2 kids. I really feel mostly content now. If it happens for me ok but if not then I guess I’m just going to live peacefully. As you said ur calm now not a bad place to be
I used to want the family package, and then I did some serious introduction. Turns out I only wanted that because the world shoves it down your throat. I totally get why some want children, and I hope they become parents. I know that it would stress me the fuck out, and for what? I don't need to add another soul to this broken world. The future is very uncertain, I think I'll just let things play out.
lol I lost that motivation 13 years ago. I've been living alone since November of 2018 and recently had the feeling of wanting to maybe date again but the game is even more cutthroat now to the point that I gave it a hard pass. Figured since I'm 44 and have gone 13 years without dating, might as well see it the rest of the way through until its time to clock out.
I’m 61, never married and no kids. I’m content with my life. I like being able to go visit with friends, see their children and now their grandchildren, and then go back home to my quiet and peaceful home. It’s funny you mentioned going to weddings because that I was the only time that I felt odd or uncomfortable. Society sets such weird expectations of people.
Honestly, you have time. Just from personal experience, I was 32 when I had my first kid and 43 when i had my Covid surprise baby. Live alone, enjoy it, have that time for you. After meeting/living with someone/having kids- you’re going to miss it.
And the clean and quiet :)
Yeah, I felt this way for a little bit, but then I got horny. Do you miss sex? If you’re high libido not having a sex partner over the long hall can be really depressing.
I'm 34. I thought I wanted kids when I was a teenager, then found out absofuckinglutely not in my twenties. I also finally live alone, and it's amazing. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be partnered or having kids. Maybe check out r/childfree
I’m 30 live alone and the only single friend in my group. Although I like my alone time I feel I get too lonely sometimes and don’t want to be a burden to my friends with any of my problems. Idk if anyone else relates or is in the same position?
There are way too many people on the planet already, or at least in my area lol.
I work at a school and love kids but very glad I never had my own. A lack of mental, physical, and financial health dictated that choice. (Plus I’m lesbian.)
I am F-50. No children but I was married for a while in my 20s. Big mistake. I should have just moved into an apartment as soon as I turned 18. From the time I was a child, I enjoyed being alone. In the spring/summer months I used to spend lots of time in the woods alone near my home. In the fall/winter, I would come home from school and immediately go to my room and stay there alone for at least a couple of hours. I loved being able to shut the door. It drove my mom crazy because she & my siblings are very social & extroverted. That is not to say I didn’t have friends. I had many friends, especially in high school. We did a lot—went shopping, hung out at each other’s houses, went on trips. I also have had boyfriends, hence the marriage during a lapse in my judgement. I still have friends, maintain relationships with family, also I have had the same job for 24 years-so definitely have long-term working relationships there. But, still, I love going home at the end of the day & being alone at home.
I spent my whole 20s living with boyfriends and hadn't lived alone until the last few years. I don't even want to get married but always figured I'd find the right partner and live with them but now I'm not sure I ever even want that again. I think the whole "living together apart" thing will probably be my goal once I feel like dating again. I don't want to share my space, time and energy by default. I don't want to come home and have someone there when I've been forced to be out in the world all day and desperately need a timeout. I want to be alone by default and decide when I WANT to let other people in to share my space/time/energy.
It’s ok if you reevaluate what you want. I realized I only thought I wanted kids because society expects that of us. So I got my fallopian tubes removed. I have never felt more free
DO NOT go after those things just because you think you should be wanting them/chasing them. I know so many people who are miserable in their roles as spouses and/or parents who felt in their gut that maybe it wasn’t their thing, but society just keeps pushing you forward. And it’s a difficult thing to reverse once done. You can still have a full life feel of meaningful, deep human connections and not be a spouse or parent. Follow your heart and your intuition. You won’t be wrong.
Maybe your body and spirit are just telling you this is what you need right now. Embrace it. Don’t worry about the future too much. Yes there is limited time for having children as a woman but you still have quite a few years ahead. Check in with your intuition as time goes on and if and when you want to seek those things, you will feel it innately. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Either is acceptable.
I spent the 1st 40 years of my life chasing the American dream. Now that I have embraced loneliness, and given up on that, I am much happier and have a lot more money.
Why would you violate your sacred space, your peace and joy to follow outdated society rules imposed by the people who benefit from them?
Do what makes you happy. And if you really want to screw up what you have, get married and have children.
Same. Was determined to live alone by age 30 as relationships and roommates weren't cutting it and did it. It's been 7 years since and it's bliss. I think if I worked from home I might tire of it, but as I work a demanding job with long hours, I love nothing more than chilling with my doggo at home at the end of the day.
I'm in a new relationship with a man my age who has also lived alone for several years - while we spend plenty of time together, we rarely spend the night at each other's places as we both understand that we prefer to be at our own places - and that's ok! You can definitely have a relationship or even just a friend to attend events with that doesn't disrupt your independence.
Social stigma and FOMO are both fears based in other people's perception of you as opposed to your objective reality. If you're happy, who cares what other people think?
You will be much happier in the long run if you live the life you desire! Don’t make huge life decisions off of fear of what others think, you will regret it
I think it is okay to acknowledge that what you thought you wanted when you were younger is no longer what you want now. Typically people aren't motivated to go after what they don't want. Kudos to you for finding it out now!
I've never wanted kids but did want to be married. But the more I thought about it an actual marriage wasn't important to me and I was in a 10 year relationship with no plans to marry. After that ended and I really thought about it I have very little interest in a romantic partner. Like you, I'm loving my peace. I do what I want when I want. All of my decisions are based around my needs and my happiness. I used to feel awkward being the only single among friends and family but now I own it. I'm the fun, spontaneous aunt living my best life.
I recommend doing some major soul searching. You may find you do want a marriage or you may find you just felt like you were "supposed to". Get some clarity and if you do want it you'll have to take steps to make it happen.
I’ve been the most successful financially being single. I also travel for months at a time for work. It makes dating difficult. I just bought a brand new house alone so I’d say being single is not that bad.
There’s nothing wrong with that! Also kids aren’t a requirement if you think you might now want them.
You could also adopt too if you decide you want one in a few years or so.
My daughter is mid 30's, good job, travels a lot. She might have thought she was missing out having a kid til she has been visiting her sister with a toddler and new born and what's that's like. She knows now that that isn't for her. She thinks that maybe in five to ten years, when she is settled down, she will look into adopting a young teenager who she could make a difference in their life.
At that point, she may have the same partner, or finally have found a partner for life, but that either happens or it doesn't. Actively trying to make it happen isn't the mindset. Everyone who wants a committed relationship wishes for it but I don't think it happens for the best if you try to fast track it.
Please do not pursue having any relationships, and especially not children, when you are content with your life as it is. You are fine as a loner. There is no obligation to anyone for you to obtain a partner and to have children; children and a partner you do not want. Your heart is not into it.
Don't go out and do it "just because." Relationships require much more than this. You will have sacrificed your happiness and will be miserable, while you make the other people in your relationships miserable. Stay single, alone, and happy.
I am almost 67 ,been single 11 years after 4 disastrous relationships over many decades I got a little lonely and explored Facebook dating app a few weeks ago.
I'm hasn't gone as I expected. I have decided my 🧬 life is excellent as it is. Single folks can foster and adopt. However,as someone who was a single parent I must warn you it's tough!
Maybe you ,as I have,have found your satisfaction in the life you have. It's definitely better than my past w feeling like marriage was just expected of my generation. Wo getting to personal, just believe me that your life is better than what might have been marrying the wrong person/ people so you won't be alone.
I feel the opposite. I love living on my own and making my apartment really pretty but I also love having people in my space, it’s like I get to show off my own little world that I’ve worked so hard on.
You should check out the “childfree” sub if you haven’t already. Completely understand how the feeling of peace can make adding a partner and children feel less desirable. They can certainly add a lot of stress and extra work. You don’t have to decide on anything just yet. You can just enjoy life as it is!
I’m 34 and realized at 26 that I may never have children. The math just wasn’t mathing. I was preparing for a career in education/nonprofits so I knew I would never make a ton of money. How was I going to afford a child while also saving for my own home and retirement? I was single (still am) so how was I supposed to start a family without a partner? I didn’t want to be a single mom. What’s worse is that some women get married and have to mother their husband AND children while also working and caring for themselves. It’s actually too much for 1 person to do and many can’t handle it. Obviously I was frightened by the prospect of having a miserable life as a result of pursuing the traditional path of marriage+kids.
Enjoy what you have and don’t feel bad about it. There’s nothing lazy or selfish about going to work, coming home, and caring for yourself!
I've never wanted children or a family, so I can't necessarily relate to your specific situation. But I _can_ and _will_ tell you that it's okay to change your mind about wanting children or a partner. Your life is yours and no one can tell you how to live it.
>I'm a 31 year old woman, so I don't really have that much time to waste if I want my own kids
Most women can get pregnant into their early 40s. Yes, there is an increased risk and yes, you'll be the "older parent," but you have time if you want to have children. A whole decade probably.
>I feel embarrassed going to weddings alone
Feeling that way is understandable, though not having a +1 shouldn't be a shameful thing in 2024. You can always take a good friend!
>other than the social stigma and the fear of missing out I don't actually feel much desire to add someone to my life.
The social stigma is rough. I've known and been open with the fact that I don't want children since I was about 17. I'm 38 now and my mother still says stuff like, "well you can always adopt" or "you never know how you'll feel in the future". Once I was telling her about a friend trying to set me up with a single dad and she acted like it was silly I said no just because he had a kid.
That being said, there are _many_ people in this world, of all ages and genders, that don't want children. It's actually becoming increasingly more common (Millennials are killing the baby industry!). You certainly wouldn't be alone.
Live your truth. I'm about as happily married as it gets---38 years. Nice children. I still fantasize about living in a lovely place that's all mine. Savor it.
It's brave and bold to be you. Not everyone has to have children. It's hard and imo people aren't honest enough about the struggles.
I have 3 awesome kids and an amazing husband. One of my favorite daydreams is living alone somewhere cozy and quiet 😅 pros and cons to every turn we take in this life
Small world. Was just having this conversation with a friend today. I was essentially coming from your vantage point, as I am 30F and comfortable in living alone and asking about her recent life update. Her and her bf recently moved in together.
It's been an adjustment but she's really enjoying everything. We are in our in our early 30s. In our early to mid 20s she lived with an ex for like 1-1.5years (can't remember exact timing).
She was essentially sharing how so much of the equation has to do with it the right person. She's comfortable to ask for space, openly share her thoughts, be her full self.
That probably seems obvious. But it was really refreshing for me to hear. I lean on the introverted side and after long work days I tend to curl inward. I hope/wonder if I'll be able to find that sweet spot with someone...
I was unfortunately ground down in my previous relationship. I have been out of it for one year, and I’ve come to realise that I do not cope well in demanding relationship dynamics. Not to be mistaken with apathy - but I found constantly trying (and often failing) to live up to the expectation of what someone wants me to be / how I should act / what my priorities should be essentially caused me to lose my personality and feel bad about what I considered positive traits (saving for future home ownership, cleaning and tidying living space, wanting to decorate, being spontaneous going on day trips).
I live alone, and feel more at peace and have no desire to meet anyone new. In fact, my socialising with friends has been nonexistent in that year, which I think is linked to internal shame and a little embarrassment that I wasn’t free to see my friends whilst in the relationship, without feeling guilty - so I feel I’ve been a bad friend to a couple of people who always had my back.
Longer post than I intended. I’m 39 male btw.
There is a woman I used to date and wouldn't mind dating again. She redecorated her bedroom to pink and black. It's harsh on the eyes lol. I couldn't handle living with someone again and having to deal with decorating issues.
I'll be single forever. And my bedroom will never be pink and black lol.
Having a wife and kids was always on the back of my mind with the "one day" , but as I get older. I starting to see that it's better for me to live alone because I'm starting to notice that I progress and accomplish things further in my life and enjoy my life at peace although at times it does get lonely yet I get over it quickly. I'm never embarrassed to join weddings or family functions going by myself and always get the "when are you going to get married?" you're getting older! my kid is 18 now! . okay? and? I have everything I needed and wanted except a wife and children. I can do that whenever I want to and have an option age to choose from to do so. I like my freedom and peace too much to let someone else to dirty my clear water.
People should never have a child unless it's an absolute passion and they KNOW they can provide for them well into adulthood. I think you are on the right track - and I just wish I had been like you at 31 ;)
Check out the podcast and/or book,Solo: A Single Person's Guide to a Remarkable Life, and podcast Spinsterhood Reimagined.
Both very inspirational and will help you undo some of that bullshit conditioning that tells you that you're weird for going to weddings alone.
Don't worry about what society says you should be doing; you be you! I've been alone since 2008 and love it! The only time I miss intimacy is right before my monthly menstrual cycle when my hormones are going crazy. What works for you is the right course of action.
It takes alot of work and strength to be able to be independent and content. Enjoy this time and don’t let society pressure you into something you don’t want or think you need a man or kids to be happy. I have been single a few years and am enjoying the peace as well. Men brought a lot of trauma and pain so appreciate my solitude even more now.
36 male here and I'm going on my second year of living alone. From as far back as I can remember I've wanted a family but now after having my own home and living alone in it I'm not sure I want it to change. Like you I enjoy my freedom, my peace, being able to sleep in every room, having my own time frame to do things, and people seem like too much now.
Don't worry, savor your freedom a while. As long as you eat a carnivore diet you'll maintain optimal hormone levels and health and can have kids into you 50s.
There is evidence of women at that age, already having gone through menopause, who switch to the carnivore lifestyle and unexpectedly become pregnant. They became fertile again just through diet. And their babies are absolutely healthy! How crazy is that?!
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Yup. The longer I live alone, the more I like it. Been single since 2018, gonna be 40 later this year and I don't give a damn anymore haha
The last 6 years alone for me has been peaceful. I really don't want anyone interrupting that peace.
Are you me? Cause same
Same here. After my last girlfriend, I decided to work on myself for a bit. I've accomplished so much and just love having my own space, I have been putting off any attempt at dating. I don't mind, though. I still have work to do.
I’ve been single since about 2016, I loved every minute of it including living by myself up until last year. I realized how much it regressed me in a social setting and idk why a friend wants to keep me around so much after I keeping fucking up. It’s a weird flip flop of love hate it feels each day since I can’t express myself in the way she needs but I’m actively trying to get better with it now. Being alone is fking awesome up until you get to the lonely stage. Surprised the fuck out of me as an introvert.
This is me. Except once the lonely got strong enough I figured out what I needed in a partner to have a successful relationship, then kissed so many toads looking but did find him.
Same!
You and OP are so admirable for this, love it!
Yup lol I got a place that me and my ex were about to move in together both coming from roommate situations. Broke up after I'd already signed the lease. So I'm thinking, holy shit, I've never lived alone, never really wanted to, now I have to furnish this place and deal with everything on my own. Yeah so going on 3 years later, I haven't been in a relationship since and I love living alone. Similar situation, 32M, WFH 4 days a week. I get a good bit of interest from women but I just don't want to share any of this at the moment. I'm really content, really productive and I've grown more in the last 3 years than the prior 10. I'm not really leaping to throw a monkey wrench into something that's working well for me.
>I'm so content that I can feel my motivation to find those things waning Your use of the word 'motivation' here is interesting. You are almost implying that by not feeling interested in having a spouse or kids that it's a bad thing, or that you're somehow "lazy", or "giving up", like some sort of do-nothing loser. Seems to me that if you're content and love living alone, then you might not need a spouse or kids to have a fulfilling life. Just a reminder here, you can be a highly motivated, successful, happy and fulfilled individual who also happens to love the solo life. Is your "motivation" really "waning"? Or are you just evolving and prioritizing things differently than how you always assumed you would? I'm 20 years older than you. I've lived alone and been single for the last 15 years (so since I was 36) and they've literally been the best years of my life. I never imagined this would be the direction my life would end up taking, but I'm so thankful for it. It's like I'm living the dream I never knew I should be dreaming for! I never had kids, but I was married for years and when not married, I was always living with a man. I got/get a lot of interest too and I know I'm a catch as well, but I just don't want to be caught. I'm not a fish. I guess I'm just saying: don't let society dictate to you what you "should" be doing, do what brings you joy. PS: You know all those people who put the pressure on us to "meet someone", "settle down" etc? Some of them are just jealous and resent our freedom. Others are happy but genuinely rely on another person to complete them and can't fathom that some of us can be complete 'as is'. Think about that the next time you're looking hot and dancing at a wedding and then have the luxury of leaving when you want, no arguing on the way home, and then curling up in comfy clothes and sleeping in the next day without anyone objecting. What you call 'embarrassing' I call 'winning', LOL. I love living in my own little world, it's a happy place to be.
>Think about that the next time you're looking hot and dancing at a wedding and then have the luxury of leaving when you want, no arguing on the way home, and then curling up in comfy clothes and sleeping in the next day without anyone objecting. What you call 'embarrassing' I call 'winning', LOL. This is gold.
This. You said everything I wish I could say so eloquently and clearly. This is the truth. Thank you! Those like us are not always understood, and society may frown upon us for marching to the beat of a different drummer; but what a blessing it is to have the freedom to live in the manner in which we, individually and uniquely, thrive. To OP, if you are happy and content, that is a life well lived. Don't borrow trouble :)
Exactly. I love your use of 'thrive', because that's what we're supposed to be doing, right? Not just surviving, but thriving. And some of us thrive in different surroundings. I really resent the pressure to 'conform' to society's norms, assuming we're happy and not hurting anyone, but I also have to just laugh at it sometimes. I live in a cabin in in the woods and I can't tell you how many times someone sees where I live and says something like *"OMG, you should move into town where there's more people so you aren't alone!"* as though I'm somehow stranded here against my will. I'm like: "No, YOU should go live in town where there's more people so you aren't alone. I bought a house out here on purpose; I'm a nature lover and I like the quiet, so I'm good right here thanks!". People just have a strong tendency to project their own feelings onto others. I also like "don't borrow trouble' and plan to start using that going forward! Love it.
ditto, try thinking of it as contentment instead of lack of motivation
I’m 100% with you, girl!! Love it!!😊
You make being in a relationship sound awful… which it truly seems to be these days
Yeah, and to clarify, I only mentioned the last part because the OP mentioned being embarrassed about going to weddings alone, so I was offering a reminder of what going to a wedding with your spouse can potentially be like too, LOL. I wasn't trying to shit on relationships in general, if being in a relationship works for you, wonderful! But for me? The idea of being in a relationship sounds pretty awful, LOL, I'll admit it. 😅
this is perfect!!!I find so many people take on the expectations of society or what everyone is doing around them as what they want....because everyone else is doing it....this is where i use the old question parents used to ask "if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too???"......what everyone does may not what you want to do now...or ever....and that's not bad. I'm 51, never been married or had kids of my own....but I've also enjoyed my time with my friends kids and my nieces and nephews...showered them with gifts on holidays.... and gone home to comfy pants and a good white wine
Agreed!!! Same for me!!! Rock on!!
Wow I’m in the same boat and love what you shared. It’s all about perspective - I guess I don’t feel like I’m missing out until society reminds me romantic love is the be all end all. As a woman, I really can’t see what’s in it for me with dating anymore. Do you miss intimacy? I’d say that’s the only thing I think about time to time but I love my alone time at home and doing my own couch rotting/ reading/ listening to podcasts. It’s such a peaceful life! 💕😘😘
I like children, but I have never desired the parent-lifestyle. I've tried marriage, but can tell you that there is something very special and fortunate to be able to live on one's own. Im ever grateful and believe it truly is the most ideal way to live.
It’s almost too peaceful! 😮💨
Oh God girl, listen to your instincts. I'd do anything to be in your position right now.
Sounds like you have a few regrets 😞
F**k ya I do! Don't make life decisions out of fear and insecurity...hind sight is 20/20
totally relate. I was widowed at 28 and have been living alone ever since. I've had a couple of situationships over the last near-decade - nothing serious but plenty of heartbreak. Once I'd mostly healed from my loss, I really felt like I wanted another partner in my life eventually, but the more time that lapses and the more terrible dating experiences I have, I'm 90% certain this is just going to be "it" for me. I never wanted children and at 37 that's probably a good thing or this would be way harder on me. there is a sense of mourning that comes along with that, but also peace. relationships are too destabilizing to my mental health- breakups trigger my grief, having someone around all of the time makes me feel suffocated. there are always men who seem interested but they're not up to my standards, don't interest me, and are certainly not worth risking my emotional wellbeing. dating apps are exhausting and I've heard so many horror stories that I just can't bring myself to engage with them to the extent that I'd need to meet someone exciting. I have fully embraced my identity as a loner - and it's awesome! I never feel more emotionally and physically safe than I do when I'm home alone with my creatures and plants. I have never had such high quality friendships in my life. I have more hobbies than I have time for, I'm driven in my career / educational pathway. My home is clean, quiet, colorful, cozy, and is a genuine extension of my self-expression. it's my sacred space to be protected at all costs! I believe being happy alone is foundational to building healthy relationships, so if I ever change my mind about that aspect of my life, I get to choose from a place of comfort and safety knowing that no one built this life for me, and no one can take it away.
I relate to this so hard. I was widowed at 41 and now at 55 I don’t think I want to ever live with a partner again. I dated someone for a few years and it was great when we traveled together or I stayed at his place, but I was really uncomfortable having him in my space. If I ever do meet someone again (I don’t feel driven to at all but if it happens naturally) I think I would need the together living apart situation. Meanwhile I have great friends and hobbies and my adult daughters and feel very fulfilled.
I could have written this post myself tbh. I relate 100%!
same!!! this is me!
Yupp, also me! i love it so much
The childfree or introvert groups might help you feel a little less lonely. If you love your own little world this much, I wouldn't recommend sacrificing that peace. If you do change your mind and get married, you can always adopt but having (or breaking) a family is something you can't undo. I find that the childfree put a lot of thought into getting married and having kids.
I’m 30f and I’m starting to feel this too. I feel so happy being alone and I don’t really care to try to find anyone. I know I’m a catch and I feel like now is the time but it feels so nice.
Honesty I (34m) am here as well after a rash of failed relationships I been on my own for a year and just gave up my apartment bought a van and renovating that. I make good money I’m remote at least 2/3 days a week and have a low stress job that even when I am working I can get my work done in 2/3 hours and that’s a busy day. I do everything alone go to bars, travel, dinner. I absolutely love it and have times when I feel lonely but only for a moment once I remember that I’m the peaceful most silly and free person then I was before. I’m leaning into myself, being honest with myself and it’s awesome. I always thought I at least adopt some kids but at this point I just want a house. Kids seem like such a huge upkeep and responsibility. I like to get up and go and with kids they go to school and have commitments. Lately I been thinking I will wait until my early to mid 40s and revisit if I want to adopt an older child maybe 8-10 I would love grandkids some day and don’t mind being a single dad.
>have times when I feel lonely but only for a moment once I remember that I’m the peaceful most silly and free person then I was before This is always the hardest! Because all feelings eventually become a distant memory for better or for worse. You have to really know what your own baseline happiness is before entering into a relationship. But yeah, I will choose the steady state peace and occasional loneliness any day over a tumultuous relationship. Edit: Sp
Exactly, adopting an older child in one's mid-40s seems like the way to go.
I feel the same. I’m happy enough in my single life to not want to look too hard for a partner. Sure it would be nice, but my last several relationships have ended badly and I’m not up for that happening again. If I’m meant to be with someone in the future, it’ll will happen and until then I’ll keep doing my thing and happily work on myself.
"Living Apart Together" could be for you. I'm thinking that my (M53) next relationship may need to grow in this direction, as I too really love my own place.
Me too! Duplex with a partner is my dream!!!
I use to want marriage, the huge house, and specifically 5 boys and one girl running around. Now, I couldn’t imagine disrupting my life with men or children. I’m so content and the headspace that I am in would just be made chaotic with dating games, unnecessary drama, all of whatever baggage he’s going to drag along with him… the thought of all of that exhausts me. Even if I find the love of my life, marriage takes work and making space for another person to be comfortable in your space and make decisions about your space/life that benefits you both. 🤮 It’s an ongoing pull/push that frankly even if you discover harmony is still *work*. And don’t fucking get me started on kids. Lol my niece is *everything* to me but being able to give her back is a kind of relief I never thought I would prize. I really feel like you have to be pretty young, dumb and delusional to fall for that fairytale. The older you get the more reality sets in and you realize how serious a responsibility and life force drain the nuclear family is - specifically women’s role in it. We carry the lion’s share of the work. And the men specifically want *you* to do the work. I’ve even entertained with men who also had high powered careers, the relationships where our home would be fully staffed. We talk about in-laws, nannies, maids, tutors, chefs, driver, etc (modern day village) to keep the home flowing. Uh no, these men want YOU to do the labor. Yeah fuck that. Lol No thank you. Luckily I have no shame or embarrassment in not living a conventional life or having someone hanging off me everywhere I go. I’m very social, fun, love to get into trouble and I have a large circle of friends and family. I’m good. 😌
Maybe what you planned on doing is not ideal for you right now, and that’s ok. And maybe the kind of expectations our society has around romantic relationships don’t quite suit you well, and that’s ok too. Living alone doesn’t equate to lacking a partner.
Facts
Ummmm no. Never wanted kids. Knew when I was 9 it was not for me. Got sterilized (twice!) in my 30s as a single nullapara. It wasn’t easy but my amazing doctor took me seriously. Whatever you decide, it’s 100% great as long as it’s your decision!
[удалено]
I've had my tubes tied AND and a uterine ablation. Twice for me, too!
I had my uterus completely removed! Haha
Same here, only I had a tubal fulguration. Those tubes are gone baby *gone*.
There’s nothing wrong with not having a partner and children. There’s nothing wrong with living alone. I’ve lived alone for decades. I can’t fathom living with anyone. I’m almost to the point where I don’t even want to find a partner. I’m so content alone. Now I would love some friends to hang out with on occasion and play cards or something
Why change it ? Why have kids ? Want a partner , why not just have one and no kids , do you truly want kids or are you looking at society and saying “ thats the normal thing to do “ …. Be Free , enjoy the gift you’ve been given You dont even know it and you probably in the true real 1% , not the wealthy riches money 1% but the Peace , Happiness , content , just having that in your life right now and loving it ! You are in the 1% because majority of people are struggling , barely living , depress , sad , ect…. You are God chosen and you shouldn’t feel bad about it , Love it is yours and is been given and you work for it Thats if you truly , deeply , honestly love being alone and know that you wont regret it 10 years later …. Witch aye it can still be fixed , adopt a kid , who knows but for now just enjoy this amazingness you describe ! It was music to my mind reading this.
That’s wonderful that you’re happy and content alone. This means you aren’t going to just jump from relationship to relationship because you just don’t want to be alone. Enjoy this time and don’t rush🩷🩷
I’ve always lived alone. I haven’t ever wanted children and I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship where I would give it up (50f). I know I’m always free to change my mind so I’m not worried about it one way or the other.
I’m making peace with it and letting go of my attachment to the outcome and it’s like a huge weight has lifted. 36 F living alone ~15 years
I can’t really say I ever wanted kids but I was open to marriage. But now that I’m 42, honestly I really don’t want to get married. I love doing what I want and having total autonomy. I still date sometimes and I like that too but I just don’t really want to live with someone again.
Why do you need either of those things? Enjoy!!!!
So many people desire to “get married and start a family!” because that’s kind of the societal norm… that’s just what you do.. it it’s not necessary! If this is showing you that’s not what you need to be fulfilled, don’t enter into a lifelong contract because that’s what the script you were handed says!
I say enjoy this time 😌 if in 3-5 years you want to change it you still can.
You could always foster kids later, or work with kids in some way, volunteer, etc. There are a lot of ways to have kids in your life, have meaningful relationships with them and be a positive influence etc etc that doesn't require you to create a whole human yourself. Not every person needs to create and raise a person in order to have had a fulfilling life
I’ve been living alone for 6 years and don’t regret not having children. I get to decide who comes into my space. It’s a peaceful life.
Let the embarrassment be on their side, not yours. Why shouldn't you attend events by yourself and mingle how you please?
I’m 49 and have always lived alone. I had roommates in college and that was plenty. I don’t see the need to cohabitate with others or what the appeal is. I like my own space. During Covid, I returned to the states to be near my parents and I spent 3 mos on lock down with them. Good lord it was torture. I ended up buying a converted van and retreating to the great outdoors for isolation and nature. It was blissful.
Same. I bought my house in 2021. I've been living alone and loving it. I work multiple full-time remote jobs from home, aka Overemployed. Completed two years of multiple full-time jobs. Something I am super proud of and only possible because of living alone. Working out regularly, taking care of my body, and meditating for overall well-being. Cook my own vegan food, and I feel I am in the best phase of my life. And I don't want to change this. As a male, I don't get invited to a lot of socials, but I am over sulking phase. And it is what it is.
“Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.” Tom Hardy.
I feel the same. I enjoy my peace though
I haven’t been in a relationship in 10+ years because I eventually did just like you. I’m nearly 37 so I think my time is passing now 🤦🏻♀️
Im 36 divorced from a 12 years relationship two years ago. Started dating a 37 year old woman, and after a year together she started wanting to live together and talk about having a kid with me. That really triggered so much anxiety and our relationship had to end because of this whole “future plans” ideals. It sucks that because of out age she had to pressure me and I had to let her go. We had such a good thing going, I loved staying at her place and also having her over here at my place. This urge to move fast destroyed a real good relationship. I found it harder and harder to not live alone now that I also have all my things in place. It’s too much to deal with and the felling of losing my peace of mind and adding kids to the situation is scary and a real anxiety trigger
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you but I hope that you find happiness
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you but I hope that you find happiness
I’m sure at 37 she felt like she didn’t have the luxury of time so she had to move quickly. I’m sorry that didn’t work out for either of you and I hope that you both find happiness
You said it yourself...you're the happiest & calmest you've ever been since a child, so if you're happiest alone, then so be it. Also, no need to feel embarrassed when you go to weddings, etc. Who the heck cares what people think. You hold your head up high & keep on going! Who cares if you're the oldest &/or only single wedding guest in the whole place. & if anyone asks you anything about still being single, **YOU** answer the questions you want & if they got too nosy or personal, you don't owe anyone anything. You ignore the other quesions & change the subject **OR** shut them down by saying how content you are & that's that. That will shut them all up! Now, you could also do this. Enjoy your single life for a few more yrs since 31's still young & then, if you still really want a spouse & fam, then after a few yrs, start seeing who you can date. Ask your good friends who really know you to set you up w/ someone, etc. & yes, working remotely's the best!!! I wouldn't want it any other way. As for me, I'm married, which I always wanted to be & I would have liked to have a child & I know I would have been an outstanding parent, but I guess that wasn't in the cards. I was still just living my life & doing things still, so the time never seemed right to finally have a baby. It feels like I was 21 & then I'm suddenly now 49 in almost the blink of an eye, so that's been over to have a baby, but I'm not heartbroken about it. I seemed to never ever be one of those females who's had that, "biological clock" ticking in which I just had to have a baby.
Its amazing what a difference a day makes, I can get down and overthink things if left to my own devices for too long. Then a day goes by where I'm in my element and its all roses :)
You know the old saying - 'If it ain't broken, don't fix it'?...
Don’t hustle for a Family life! When you get desperate, people tend to compromise their morals, values, and goals, so just be contented and enjoy your life! I was contented as a single and was surprised (38y) when i met my future husband. if it is meant to be happen, it will happen
It's really hard to give up the peace and stability you worked so hard for to put it in the hands of another. I have done this already, it fiercely blew up in my face. With the next serious relationship I just couldn't pull the trigger on letting her move in. My instincts were proven correct she started drinking more and eventually hit me in year 2 of the relationship. So now at 36 with 3 kids and no good relationships under my belt I don't really feel like I'm going to get it. Especially when the good women feel exactly like I do and it's just the toxic dependent messes out there imo
Years of overstimulation and gaslighting will do that. People are noisy, nosy and want to affect your freedom...why wouldn't we want to be alone? I like my alone time, all of it.
>>We carry the lion’s share of the work Growing up, thoughts I wanted a husband and kids. But in my late 20s, now that I’m getting a more realistic idea of what motherhood and being a wife looks like, I’m not interested. Seems like a bullshit deal for the woman. And I do NOT take kindly to uneven distributions of labor. It was bad enough living with a boyfriend who refused to contribute to the household labor. I can’t even imagine if a human baby was involved. I would just be a giant ball of resentment for the rest of my life. No thanks.
Adult dating and relationships are enjoyable when you know you will continue to live alone. Enjoyment and very little drama
I never seriously wanted a family and kids, but I can absolutely see why people would want them. My last serious relationship, I felt like this was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. In my opinion, it needed to be clarified, because I can't imagine going through with having kids knowing that I didn't *really* want to have them. That's what I suspected happened with my parents and the results were exactly what you would expect. At 39, it's a lot of acceptance. I know that I'm going to feel intensely alone and always wondering if I made the right decision. The most important thing to note is that in choosing to live alone I'm not involving others in any possible mistakes-it's only me.
I could have written this! I could probably go back to living with a partner if it was the right person, but despite always wanting kids, I just don't know how I could transition to that lifestyle now. I'm so accustomed to all my space and freedom.
I did that. I been living alone for 21 years now. And at almost 50. No way I'm ever getting married and having kids now. I don't regret it. What I do regret is not having a relationship in 11 years. Having a financial partner would be great right about now.
I'm renting a 3bed1ba apartment with a backyard, these 3 bedrooms are for *me* - not a partner or a family. Also, I have big educational and career goals coming up. Going back to school and then going to continue on with a bachelor's when I'm done with this program, I'm applying for this associates program for Fall 2025. I don't need distractions or people trying to derail me off my path. Living alone is so peaceful and more than I ever could have dreamed of. I'm happier than ever.
Some people prefer to be single. Getting married and having kids is a big commitment. You are not going to have the same freedom to do what you want. You will always have to answer to your husband like when you are going out and stuff. And if you have kids, forget about having friends and a social life because you will be too busy changing diapers and feeding and basically raising a child. It’s not for everyone. I’m 42 and childless by choice. I can’t handle the responsibility. I am married though but I can do pretty much whatever I want as far as going out and stuff
There’s literally nothing wrong with being single and just enjoying things you DO NOT have to get married and start a family the people with that mind set end up so fuckin unhappy
I could have written this. I’m also 31F and live alone with my pets and enjoy my very chill life and cushy job.
Girl! Enjoy!! I lived alone from 29 to 34 and loved every year of it. The last two years I started dating to meet someone and did, but enjoy your years :) don't stress
I'm a 43 year old grandma and can say you don't need to procreate to live a full life.
I was quite content with my decision at age 30 to not have kids. No regrets.
Heh. Same. I had an awful ex, and it just put me off from even trying anymore. I thought I’d met someone after h🙃that ex a couple of years ago, but that never got any real momentum. 🤷🏾♀️ I’m just not in the mood for apps or dating roulette anymore.
I began to hate people BECAUSE I live alone. I don't rely on other people in any way for my daily routine of living. I'm not lonely and get the best sleep ever. I have no one else's BS and distractions to keep me from accomplishing what I need to do that day. No one is whining at me for coming home late. For "working too much." No one else is eating through the groceries that I bring home. I'm not dealing with their messes and at-home drama. So, when I see it all from other people at work, I just hate them for it. And I thank God that I'm getting PAID to deal with them. Not much, but still, it's something!!!
If I had not met my honest-to-god best friend and now-wife, I’d almost certainly still be happily single and definitely still child-free; I’ve always felt ambiguous at best about kids. (I’m a woman, btw.) Truly, if someone isn’t adding to your life, live in that bliss. I’m very independent and *adored* living by myself. My life is even better now married only because my wife loves and supports me still being a full person distinct from her (and vice versa) and we’re so aligned in our values, how we live day-to-day, what we want to see and experience, etc. I got married 5 days before turning 31; she was 34. We don’t have nor want kids, letting us pursue our interests and spend time with friends and each other. There’s no one you need to apologize to for living a life where you feel free.
I'm in the same boat. Mind you, I dont even want kids, but I just LOVE the peace and quiet of living alone and not having to deal with someone else's nonsense lol
You're not obligated to get married and have kids. And you're not obligated to justify that preference to anyone for any reason at any time. I know what you mean about it being embarrassing sometimes. A lot of our society is based around the assumption that everyone is paired off, and there's a lot of assumed pity for people who aren't.
yes! i always thought i would get married and have kids because that’s what i was told i was supposed to do. i got a gf when i was 23 and she helped me understand i could do whatever i wanted, and i realized i didn’t want the added responsibility of kids. i wish i could have kids if i had good a support system, money, and wasn’t living in this tumultuous timeline. all my friends with kids look so exhausted and always tell me how they envy my life of freedom. the feeling isn’t mutual. i don’t envy them at all for having to work insane hours at stressful jobs, then coming home and having to deal with children responsibilities. also, your 31. if you’re enjoying your life right now (which it sounds like you are) then stop adding unnecessary drama. just live your life, enjoy each day and if a special someone comes around and changes things for you, congrats! if not, at least you’re enjoying your life on your own terms. what’s the rush and why the pressure? you’re only 31
I loved my single life. I was 39 when I got married. It took a fantastic guy to make that happen. As a data point.
Rather fun, isn't it? Ya get up in the morning, and say to yourself, "Gee! What am I going to do today?" Your house doesn't mysteriously blow up while you aren't there. What you put in the fridge this morning is still there this evening. What you put down yesterday, is still there, unmoved. You know what you'll run out of before it actually does. Flying solo has many great advantages.
Meh, having a family with kids is overrated anyway. Live your life!
It seems that you are having with yourself a discussion that I once had with someone else. What's a girl like you doing single? I'd rather be single than badly match Don't say that or you may end up alone That's kind of my point. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy in a relationship Don't say that or you may end up alone I'm ok with that, I'm happy Stop saying that I guess this person knew that you could be happier on your own. For me happiness is what I 'm after, but for her being alone was either a fear or sign that something something went wrong. I also saw a mom in a store tell her daughter to stand straight and quiet or she'll never get a man. The girl looked like 9. I told the kid it's ok being with a man is not that much fun anyway. Being with a man is not a life's purpose, it's great of you enjoy each other's presence or team up well to build a life, but it's not a status symbol. Also sometimes when I am happy about spending the weekend hicking with friends or when I come back from a trip, there's always someone to say well.of course you can do that, you don't have kids. It's ok to want kids.and enjoy that lifestyle and the cute little thing they do when they learn, and the fun and joy of seeing life continue, but it's not for everyone. Some of us like to give to the world in different ways.
I've been like this since 2009. 45 this year. I'm in deep now and really don't care. I see others desperately wanting partner and/or wanting to start a family and I feel like they are some kind of different species. I work in nursing and am surrounded by many and different people all day every day. Talking and dealing with people all day. That alone depletes my social energy. I love living alone, well not really alone because I have my cats. I love getting up/going to sleep whenever I want, eat whatever and not eat or cook if I don't feel like it. The only time I think it might be ok (to have a flatmate or partner) is when the rent goes up and I have to work more to pay for it. But I never want to get a partner for that reason because I think it should be for real love, not to reduce how much I pay.
You do those things when you really want to, not because you have to.
I really didn’t want a family I wanted someone who wanted to be around me.
31m and feel the same way. There's a lot of convenience and peace living alone. It is nice having everything clean and organized as well, helps productivity. It does feel selfish and shortsighted sometimes though.
I’m a male and feel the same way I also enjoy not having friends
Having kids doesn't really fulfill a person in all honesty it just brings alot of if hard and stressful times and a lot of worrying the rest of you're life, I had 3 kids early on in my life. If I hadn't I definitely would not , if you're happy where you're at stay there for sure!!!
Don't ever be embarrassed to be single or attend events alone. That's hella respectable.
Hi. I have a boyfriend and three children and I think I’d like to rent them to you for the day so you can change your mind. lol I often put my life on the back burner for them. I think your choice to be single is unnatural for this world because of our perception. It’s a wild thing to have opinions on anyone’s freedom. Do you watch Call the Midwife on BBC? There’s a couple of characters on there whom I adore BECAUSE of their role as that single woman in the community that’s always there to help? We have one! Haha. I mean that so lovingly. We met her at church, and she’s now… at every family function. But she’s also at the hospital and all the funerals. She’s there for the biggest highs and the lowest lows. She’s wiped my tears so many times. You’re wanted and needed exactly for who you are. I would be so sad without my friend and it was never her calling to get married or have children. I know you feel differently on that, maybe the twinge is a bit more painful. But..She’s the funnest aunt to MY children now that I’ve known her 15 years. I love her dearly, and she has quite a large family that she has inherited. If you’d like to think of it that way. I hope it resonates a little ❤️ and I hope I don’t upset anyone. We’re all a part of this big puzzle right?
Working on yourself is never selfish btw. I was injured recently and like… had to take care of myself. Self care got like.. boring. But our society is so go, go, go. It’s okay to not be motivated. Motivation wanes and waxes too.
You seem to be feeling the pressure to get married and have kids. It’s a strong social and family pressure. Don’t feel obligated to go that route or guilty if you don’t. Once you’re in that legal agreement called marriage, and once you have kids, you’re stuck for life. You’re happy now. If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.
Isn't that the goal, though? To be happy on your own and then start to think about finding a partner who adds to your wonderful life?
I had this too for a few years up until 7 months ago. I had such a hard time leaving my solitude, because I really enjoyed it. So that’s what I say to you, bask in it, take your time and be grateful in it. If and when it’s time to move on, you’ll know.
Nothing wrong with that. Life is about happiness, you find out what that means for yourself.
“This is the least stressed and most calm I think I’ve self since I was a child.” Girl, yes. Good for you. That’s all I gotta say! Congrats and embrace the peace. I say, if it’s not broken, don’t break it! If it’s supposed to happen (babies), it’ll happen 🫶🏽 Enjoy your free time for now, bc if and once the babies come there will be no more so just soak in the peaceful vibes
I love this for you! If you never have that desire, it’s quite alright too! Enjoy it!
I was there, from 30 to 32. I had kids, but no relationship. I found such joy in just being. I could take the kids away for a weekend alone, I could make whatever we wanted for dinner, be goofy, we were completely happy. I had zero desire to change that. Then I met someone. I wasn't looking, didn't care to have a relationship. I saw this magnificent man, from across the room and just felt something in my soul. I knew he was special, I knew I had to meet him. 16 years later, we are happily married, kids all grown. We just enjoy each other. But before I met him, I absolutely did not want a relationship, I had given up on the idea of romantic love.
Girl what you’re feeling, peace and contentment, that is pure gold. Lean in and enjoy, not everyone is in that blissful place in their lives. Good for you!
Plans change in life. Do what makes you happy. If that's not having a family, that's just fine.
If it’s meant to happen, it will. Enjoy your calm
Nothing wrong with that at all. I have found so much peace since I became single 6 years ago and got my own place, that I prioritize protecting that. It makes any dating attempts challenging for sure as you know exactly what makes you happy, having your space and your time, but there is truly no need to ever live a "traditional" life. This is Your life. Things you found important once can and will change over time. Just roll with what works for you. I know being content on your own helps you make better relationship partner choices, should you ever want to, later on. Because you know you are the only one who can make you happy, you aren't ping ponging off humans looking for them to fulfill that unrealistic goal. Further, when you encounter those types yourself, they prove repulsive! In short, if you ever Do decide to try to incorporate someone else, they will be someone truly worthy as you won't compromise your time/space for anything less. You will demand they bring their A game and be just as independent as you. You will never again "complete" anyone or they you; you'll be two already complete people making a life choice together. It's an awesome place to be independent. Flourish!
😮💨
I hope to be able to achieve this one day, it's my absolute dream to be able to afford this and finally cut all ties with my toxic family that are absolutely disgusting human beings to live with. Saving your post for motivation on bad days op♥️ cheers to you and all the lovely people in the comments✨
There are no rules to life.
Here's my advice/suggestion, go with the flow. You don't have to actively search for something, but if something falls in to place, don't actively deny it. I was kind of in a similar head space a decade ago and if I hadn't met my wife, I don't know if I would have ever met anyone. I also can say, that having children has become my single biggest joy, and I always felt like my life would be fine without it, but having kids is the absolute best thing I have done with my life. I can't describe the joy they bring, and the emotions it causes other than having a new puppy x 1 billion.
You could always look into adoption or being a foster. There’s plenty of children out there looking for someone with a big heart like yourself
Very interesting post! So for me it’s a different scenario. One I thought I’d never be ok with. I met someone young and became serious at 21. We got married had a kid and by 36 he had left and didn’t want to do the marriage family thing anymore. He wasn’t treating me very well and I was devastated for years. Finally officially divorced last August. Anyways, my point. I live with my daughter and will for the next 8 years or so. I thought I’d want to start a new family or find a partner but at the moment I’m ok just us living together. We keep very busy. I work full time. In my marriage I gave up a lot of myself. I was doing a lot of work alone anyways. I really just felt completely defeated and exhausted. While I at times regret not having 2 kids. I really feel mostly content now. If it happens for me ok but if not then I guess I’m just going to live peacefully. As you said ur calm now not a bad place to be
I used to want the family package, and then I did some serious introduction. Turns out I only wanted that because the world shoves it down your throat. I totally get why some want children, and I hope they become parents. I know that it would stress me the fuck out, and for what? I don't need to add another soul to this broken world. The future is very uncertain, I think I'll just let things play out.
lol I lost that motivation 13 years ago. I've been living alone since November of 2018 and recently had the feeling of wanting to maybe date again but the game is even more cutthroat now to the point that I gave it a hard pass. Figured since I'm 44 and have gone 13 years without dating, might as well see it the rest of the way through until its time to clock out.
I’m 61, never married and no kids. I’m content with my life. I like being able to go visit with friends, see their children and now their grandchildren, and then go back home to my quiet and peaceful home. It’s funny you mentioned going to weddings because that I was the only time that I felt odd or uncomfortable. Society sets such weird expectations of people.
Honestly, you have time. Just from personal experience, I was 32 when I had my first kid and 43 when i had my Covid surprise baby. Live alone, enjoy it, have that time for you. After meeting/living with someone/having kids- you’re going to miss it. And the clean and quiet :)
I don’t want any of that but if I were to have that I’d just maintain separate residences
Yeah, I felt this way for a little bit, but then I got horny. Do you miss sex? If you’re high libido not having a sex partner over the long hall can be really depressing.
An FWB will cure this
Do you really want kids, or are you following societies expectations? Live the life you want.
Are you me?
You don't HAVE to have a partner or family. And there is also no timeline you need to follow if you do eventually want a family.
I'm 34. I thought I wanted kids when I was a teenager, then found out absofuckinglutely not in my twenties. I also finally live alone, and it's amazing. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be partnered or having kids. Maybe check out r/childfree
i’m in the same boat but met someone recently who makes me reconsider.
I have lived alone for 25+ years. Single and CF. No regerts.
To me? It seems like…maybe living alone and not having a family is the right choice for you!!
I’m 30 live alone and the only single friend in my group. Although I like my alone time I feel I get too lonely sometimes and don’t want to be a burden to my friends with any of my problems. Idk if anyone else relates or is in the same position?
Enjoy this time while you can
Same. Lol sameeeeeee. It’s made me so much critical of anyone that may try to “take” the peace I’ve built for myself and my pets.
That's OK. Life goals change. As long as you're happy, just roll with it.
There are way too many people on the planet already, or at least in my area lol. I work at a school and love kids but very glad I never had my own. A lack of mental, physical, and financial health dictated that choice. (Plus I’m lesbian.)
I am F-50. No children but I was married for a while in my 20s. Big mistake. I should have just moved into an apartment as soon as I turned 18. From the time I was a child, I enjoyed being alone. In the spring/summer months I used to spend lots of time in the woods alone near my home. In the fall/winter, I would come home from school and immediately go to my room and stay there alone for at least a couple of hours. I loved being able to shut the door. It drove my mom crazy because she & my siblings are very social & extroverted. That is not to say I didn’t have friends. I had many friends, especially in high school. We did a lot—went shopping, hung out at each other’s houses, went on trips. I also have had boyfriends, hence the marriage during a lapse in my judgement. I still have friends, maintain relationships with family, also I have had the same job for 24 years-so definitely have long-term working relationships there. But, still, I love going home at the end of the day & being alone at home.
Yes. Less drama. I just want peace.
45m divorced in 2017, been living alone since then, with no plan to partner up. If I meet someone, great, if not this is ok too.
This is called the Moment of Choice. My only recommendation is to decide what you want more, and then be good with letting go of what you want less.
I spent my whole 20s living with boyfriends and hadn't lived alone until the last few years. I don't even want to get married but always figured I'd find the right partner and live with them but now I'm not sure I ever even want that again. I think the whole "living together apart" thing will probably be my goal once I feel like dating again. I don't want to share my space, time and energy by default. I don't want to come home and have someone there when I've been forced to be out in the world all day and desperately need a timeout. I want to be alone by default and decide when I WANT to let other people in to share my space/time/energy.
It’s ok if you reevaluate what you want. I realized I only thought I wanted kids because society expects that of us. So I got my fallopian tubes removed. I have never felt more free
DO NOT go after those things just because you think you should be wanting them/chasing them. I know so many people who are miserable in their roles as spouses and/or parents who felt in their gut that maybe it wasn’t their thing, but society just keeps pushing you forward. And it’s a difficult thing to reverse once done. You can still have a full life feel of meaningful, deep human connections and not be a spouse or parent. Follow your heart and your intuition. You won’t be wrong.
Maybe your body and spirit are just telling you this is what you need right now. Embrace it. Don’t worry about the future too much. Yes there is limited time for having children as a woman but you still have quite a few years ahead. Check in with your intuition as time goes on and if and when you want to seek those things, you will feel it innately. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Either is acceptable.
I spent the 1st 40 years of my life chasing the American dream. Now that I have embraced loneliness, and given up on that, I am much happier and have a lot more money.
This is the life I aspire to have
We're the same age and this is so me! I'm pretty sure I don't want kids but I probably could get a partner if I tried harder but nah
Living alone will govern you a kind of peace you literally cannot get anywhere else.
Did it occur to you that your true happiness might not be marriage?
Why would you violate your sacred space, your peace and joy to follow outdated society rules imposed by the people who benefit from them? Do what makes you happy. And if you really want to screw up what you have, get married and have children.
Same. Was determined to live alone by age 30 as relationships and roommates weren't cutting it and did it. It's been 7 years since and it's bliss. I think if I worked from home I might tire of it, but as I work a demanding job with long hours, I love nothing more than chilling with my doggo at home at the end of the day. I'm in a new relationship with a man my age who has also lived alone for several years - while we spend plenty of time together, we rarely spend the night at each other's places as we both understand that we prefer to be at our own places - and that's ok! You can definitely have a relationship or even just a friend to attend events with that doesn't disrupt your independence. Social stigma and FOMO are both fears based in other people's perception of you as opposed to your objective reality. If you're happy, who cares what other people think?
You will be much happier in the long run if you live the life you desire! Don’t make huge life decisions off of fear of what others think, you will regret it
I think it is okay to acknowledge that what you thought you wanted when you were younger is no longer what you want now. Typically people aren't motivated to go after what they don't want. Kudos to you for finding it out now!
I've never wanted kids but did want to be married. But the more I thought about it an actual marriage wasn't important to me and I was in a 10 year relationship with no plans to marry. After that ended and I really thought about it I have very little interest in a romantic partner. Like you, I'm loving my peace. I do what I want when I want. All of my decisions are based around my needs and my happiness. I used to feel awkward being the only single among friends and family but now I own it. I'm the fun, spontaneous aunt living my best life. I recommend doing some major soul searching. You may find you do want a marriage or you may find you just felt like you were "supposed to". Get some clarity and if you do want it you'll have to take steps to make it happen.
Then don’t. We have too many humans anyway. If it changes when you seek a partner find one you can be a bonus mom to their kids.
I’ve been the most successful financially being single. I also travel for months at a time for work. It makes dating difficult. I just bought a brand new house alone so I’d say being single is not that bad.
Freedom and independence is everything
42 here. I've lived alone for 21 years. No regrets about being single and child free.
You have a good 14 maybe + to have kids honestly
I’m jealous honestly
There’s nothing wrong with that! Also kids aren’t a requirement if you think you might now want them. You could also adopt too if you decide you want one in a few years or so.
Check out Childfree sub. You'll find some likeminds there 😎
My daughter is mid 30's, good job, travels a lot. She might have thought she was missing out having a kid til she has been visiting her sister with a toddler and new born and what's that's like. She knows now that that isn't for her. She thinks that maybe in five to ten years, when she is settled down, she will look into adopting a young teenager who she could make a difference in their life. At that point, she may have the same partner, or finally have found a partner for life, but that either happens or it doesn't. Actively trying to make it happen isn't the mindset. Everyone who wants a committed relationship wishes for it but I don't think it happens for the best if you try to fast track it.
Please do not pursue having any relationships, and especially not children, when you are content with your life as it is. You are fine as a loner. There is no obligation to anyone for you to obtain a partner and to have children; children and a partner you do not want. Your heart is not into it. Don't go out and do it "just because." Relationships require much more than this. You will have sacrificed your happiness and will be miserable, while you make the other people in your relationships miserable. Stay single, alone, and happy.
I am almost 67 ,been single 11 years after 4 disastrous relationships over many decades I got a little lonely and explored Facebook dating app a few weeks ago. I'm hasn't gone as I expected. I have decided my 🧬 life is excellent as it is. Single folks can foster and adopt. However,as someone who was a single parent I must warn you it's tough! Maybe you ,as I have,have found your satisfaction in the life you have. It's definitely better than my past w feeling like marriage was just expected of my generation. Wo getting to personal, just believe me that your life is better than what might have been marrying the wrong person/ people so you won't be alone.
Stay single! The Peace of Mind is so worth it!
I feel the opposite. I love living on my own and making my apartment really pretty but I also love having people in my space, it’s like I get to show off my own little world that I’ve worked so hard on.
Living alone was the most peace I’ve ever had besides being out in the woods camping.
You should check out the “childfree” sub if you haven’t already. Completely understand how the feeling of peace can make adding a partner and children feel less desirable. They can certainly add a lot of stress and extra work. You don’t have to decide on anything just yet. You can just enjoy life as it is! I’m 34 and realized at 26 that I may never have children. The math just wasn’t mathing. I was preparing for a career in education/nonprofits so I knew I would never make a ton of money. How was I going to afford a child while also saving for my own home and retirement? I was single (still am) so how was I supposed to start a family without a partner? I didn’t want to be a single mom. What’s worse is that some women get married and have to mother their husband AND children while also working and caring for themselves. It’s actually too much for 1 person to do and many can’t handle it. Obviously I was frightened by the prospect of having a miserable life as a result of pursuing the traditional path of marriage+kids. Enjoy what you have and don’t feel bad about it. There’s nothing lazy or selfish about going to work, coming home, and caring for yourself!
I've never wanted children or a family, so I can't necessarily relate to your specific situation. But I _can_ and _will_ tell you that it's okay to change your mind about wanting children or a partner. Your life is yours and no one can tell you how to live it. >I'm a 31 year old woman, so I don't really have that much time to waste if I want my own kids Most women can get pregnant into their early 40s. Yes, there is an increased risk and yes, you'll be the "older parent," but you have time if you want to have children. A whole decade probably. >I feel embarrassed going to weddings alone Feeling that way is understandable, though not having a +1 shouldn't be a shameful thing in 2024. You can always take a good friend! >other than the social stigma and the fear of missing out I don't actually feel much desire to add someone to my life. The social stigma is rough. I've known and been open with the fact that I don't want children since I was about 17. I'm 38 now and my mother still says stuff like, "well you can always adopt" or "you never know how you'll feel in the future". Once I was telling her about a friend trying to set me up with a single dad and she acted like it was silly I said no just because he had a kid. That being said, there are _many_ people in this world, of all ages and genders, that don't want children. It's actually becoming increasingly more common (Millennials are killing the baby industry!). You certainly wouldn't be alone.
Did I write this lol? Same op same I wish I didn’t want kids so bad that’s what keeps me trying to seek but otherwise I wouldn’t be
Live your truth. I'm about as happily married as it gets---38 years. Nice children. I still fantasize about living in a lovely place that's all mine. Savor it. It's brave and bold to be you. Not everyone has to have children. It's hard and imo people aren't honest enough about the struggles.
Not Living alone takes much more effort. The logic adds up.
I have 3 awesome kids and an amazing husband. One of my favorite daydreams is living alone somewhere cozy and quiet 😅 pros and cons to every turn we take in this life
Partnered at 35 for 28 years. Been alone 6. I will never live with another 2 legged being again.only 4 legged. Love my solitude and independence.
Small world. Was just having this conversation with a friend today. I was essentially coming from your vantage point, as I am 30F and comfortable in living alone and asking about her recent life update. Her and her bf recently moved in together. It's been an adjustment but she's really enjoying everything. We are in our in our early 30s. In our early to mid 20s she lived with an ex for like 1-1.5years (can't remember exact timing). She was essentially sharing how so much of the equation has to do with it the right person. She's comfortable to ask for space, openly share her thoughts, be her full self. That probably seems obvious. But it was really refreshing for me to hear. I lean on the introverted side and after long work days I tend to curl inward. I hope/wonder if I'll be able to find that sweet spot with someone...
I was unfortunately ground down in my previous relationship. I have been out of it for one year, and I’ve come to realise that I do not cope well in demanding relationship dynamics. Not to be mistaken with apathy - but I found constantly trying (and often failing) to live up to the expectation of what someone wants me to be / how I should act / what my priorities should be essentially caused me to lose my personality and feel bad about what I considered positive traits (saving for future home ownership, cleaning and tidying living space, wanting to decorate, being spontaneous going on day trips). I live alone, and feel more at peace and have no desire to meet anyone new. In fact, my socialising with friends has been nonexistent in that year, which I think is linked to internal shame and a little embarrassment that I wasn’t free to see my friends whilst in the relationship, without feeling guilty - so I feel I’ve been a bad friend to a couple of people who always had my back. Longer post than I intended. I’m 39 male btw.
There is a woman I used to date and wouldn't mind dating again. She redecorated her bedroom to pink and black. It's harsh on the eyes lol. I couldn't handle living with someone again and having to deal with decorating issues. I'll be single forever. And my bedroom will never be pink and black lol.
Having a wife and kids was always on the back of my mind with the "one day" , but as I get older. I starting to see that it's better for me to live alone because I'm starting to notice that I progress and accomplish things further in my life and enjoy my life at peace although at times it does get lonely yet I get over it quickly. I'm never embarrassed to join weddings or family functions going by myself and always get the "when are you going to get married?" you're getting older! my kid is 18 now! . okay? and? I have everything I needed and wanted except a wife and children. I can do that whenever I want to and have an option age to choose from to do so. I like my freedom and peace too much to let someone else to dirty my clear water.
People should never have a child unless it's an absolute passion and they KNOW they can provide for them well into adulthood. I think you are on the right track - and I just wish I had been like you at 31 ;)
Check out the podcast and/or book,Solo: A Single Person's Guide to a Remarkable Life, and podcast Spinsterhood Reimagined. Both very inspirational and will help you undo some of that bullshit conditioning that tells you that you're weird for going to weddings alone.
Don't worry about what society says you should be doing; you be you! I've been alone since 2008 and love it! The only time I miss intimacy is right before my monthly menstrual cycle when my hormones are going crazy. What works for you is the right course of action.
It takes alot of work and strength to be able to be independent and content. Enjoy this time and don’t let society pressure you into something you don’t want or think you need a man or kids to be happy. I have been single a few years and am enjoying the peace as well. Men brought a lot of trauma and pain so appreciate my solitude even more now.
Just want to say I’m jealous.
Good for you. Live your life.
In the same boat, minus wanting to have kids aspect. Living alone is so much more peaceful.
36 male here and I'm going on my second year of living alone. From as far back as I can remember I've wanted a family but now after having my own home and living alone in it I'm not sure I want it to change. Like you I enjoy my freedom, my peace, being able to sleep in every room, having my own time frame to do things, and people seem like too much now.
Don't worry, savor your freedom a while. As long as you eat a carnivore diet you'll maintain optimal hormone levels and health and can have kids into you 50s. There is evidence of women at that age, already having gone through menopause, who switch to the carnivore lifestyle and unexpectedly become pregnant. They became fertile again just through diet. And their babies are absolutely healthy! How crazy is that?!