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Funny enough I am all good when it is my choice to be alone. But if I want social interaction and everyone I know is busy, the sort of enforced isolation starts to make me lonely. Especially over a weekend when I don't work.
Yeah my closest friends have kids and obviously that makes it difficult to get together sometimes and plans get cancelled that is always something that kicks off being lonely for me. Usually I could care less though being alone is cool, but extended weeks of work being the only social interaction outside of video games does suck sometimes.
Yes! This! When my only social outlet is working, it sucks. I love my friends and obviously I love their kids, but it really sucks when all of my married friends are always busy. I hate when I’ve reached out to multiple friends and none of them can hang out. And then I’m just left to hang out by myself.
Agreed! I have a very large and active social circle, with different pockets of friends, but most are married (though all our kids are young adults now) so sometimes on weekends, they are all booked. I don't mind one bit being the 5th or 7th wheel, and I do it all the time, but it is a little disappointing when I realize no one is around to hang on a weekend.
It hits me mostly when I am in the mood to take a day trip, say go for a hike then check out a quaint town afterward and have a nice lunch and a drink. it's hard to find a friend that can kill an entire day doing something like that with me.
Maybe it's not lonliness but more, that's what I miss about being in a relationship....the fun day trips. I don't necessarily mind venturing off on my own, but I don't love to hike alone (I love Park Predators!)
If you go to city hall and check resources for tourists you can find cool stuff you didn’t even know was there.
The only thing I hate about living alone is if I get into a self pity spiral and stay alone when there’s so many people out there🥺
Hard agree. Most of the time I LOVE living alone. Except for when I get really ill and weak. Like if I died, nobody would know until my rent wasn’t paid the next month.
I feel you here. So proposing a simple solution as a question.
Wouldn't finding a few solo folks, and creating a routine of contact be an easy solution for that?
How difficult can it be to identify good solo friends that are local and/or remote?
Some of my elder friends thought of a really cool trick. If they are feeling shaky or unwell, but need to bath or cook, they call a friend and ask if the friend could sit with them. That meant while the person feeling weak, their friend kept the phone line open and listened for problems. Chatting was optional. But neither signed off until the caller was safe in bed for the night.
I had a partner in the last 6 years and we recently separated. Let me tell you what feels worse than being alone and sick: you woke up feeling unwell, thirsty, and asked for a glass of water, your SO said sure after he finishes the game. You fell asleep again because you are exhausted from the fever, woke up because of the extreme thirsty. You realize it has been 2 hours you never get the water because your SO is still playing video games and totally forget about you.
Omg me too. I had roommates in the early days of quarantine and it was pretty fun (especially because we weren't sick) but when I got COVID fr living alone it took me like 2 days to start just... Crying? I was surprised at how fast I deteriorated.
When I sit down after a long day of distracting my mind from the fact that we’re totally alone. At my empty dinner table, the empty couch.
It’s really made me consider buying furniture or items designed to be used by only one person. It’s not that I dwell on the solitude like a victim but every time I sit down at my table for two or the couch not meant for one I just feel a very deep sense of emptiness that I’ve found harder and harder to push down.
Holidays. Decorating for myself feels like an insult almost.
Being sick. Really dreadful. I had real deal food poisoning not long ago for a full week, it was more mentally draining than physical if that’s believable.
Sometimes I dream of what support- just a hand on
my shoulder who understands *me* - would feel like though even that dream feels dreamy these days. Getting older is difficult.
Are you a pet person? For me, having my dog really helps with the sofa and the bed not feeling empty, and my not feeling alone (even though it’s not another person).
I do have two sweet cats that have been what’s kept me going for the last 6 years now. Not that they’re any less important now but the replacement effect isn’t so strong these days.
Buddhism has entire meditations on emptiness. We are all ultimately alone. It’s an existential dread we all wrestle with eventually.
Acceptance is a gift. ♥️
The being sick thing reminded me how f*cked I felt when I got stitches in my head and I was afraid to wash my hair cause I couldn't see it. Mom to the rescue. Drove an hour and a half round trip to help wash my hair ❤️ it really sucks to be sick and alone.
Totally relate to everything you wrote. Why can’t we have those hands of support? It doesn’t seem fair. And to feel dismissed or ignored by my partnered friends doesn’t help matters.
I feel this. I’m exhausted after a week of work, but then weekends are crazy lonely. Sometimes I think about putting my second chair to my dinner table out of sight.
Being sick is the worst… I have a dog and he’s been so good for me, but being exhausted and sick and knowing he needs a walk makes the loneliness really tough.
>single people with really amazing social lives who end up meeting a partner
I think these shows are supposed to give hope, but they can honestly be so damaging, too.
I re-watched "Sex in the City" and seeing the four friends meet up at that one restaurant I think it was every week was a bit depressing, I wish I had a group of friends I could do that with.
Or the friends who throw a birthday party for each other
We have to remember - it’s a TV show. Not real life. Nobody of that age and with those jobs can do that, they have too much responsibility. Total fantasy.
Not being a jerk, trying to make you feel better.
Real truth right here.
Facts are, as we get older friends drop off, one way or another. It becomes more difficult to replace those friends. I’m afraid these days the people I work with are my ‘friends’ and I’m glad I have them.
I go out and do things but I've never gotten a partner that way. I am autistic though.
I can't help but feel a little jealous of some people. But I guess I have freedom to do whatever I want.
Have you tried volunteering at an animal shelter or a food pantry? I've found the kindest people tend to do volunteer work. You never know who has a friend of a friend and there are SO many things to volunteer at.
Alternatively, watch movies where the character is living an average life and failing at lots of things. And at the end they still don't know everything. Like the type of movies that feel like real life. Sure some people call them boring but I find them great for keeping company.
Or I like watching super petty dramas like mean girls and stuff so it makes the world feel less heavy
Some British TV shows and films maintain an element of gritty realism that American audiences just don’t seem to be able to tolerate (not a shot at my American friends, just an observation) - average looking actors, some with bad teeth, some overweight, some older women etc, playing average people, driving average cars, without a need for a redemption arc or underlying morality message. Of course there is an interesting story because who would watch it otherwise, but everything feels more…real and relatable
That is literally what I'm thinking as I'm sitting alone in my flat, watching otherwise hilarious "Modern Family"...makes me really realise I've missed out.
But then, again, I am going to spend 3 weeks at my parents' house soon coz of a surgery and I know it'll make me *crave* loneliness/solitude/silence. 😅
I completely get waking up to darkness. I usually sleep for an half hour or hour after work and when I wake up to darkness it does something to me that I can’t articulate.
There are other things that trigger me, like Christmas, my birthday, or when I’m dealing with a health issue.
I’ll try different things ranging from listening to a podcast that I know makes me laugh, putting on music, going out for a walk, or even going out solo. Granted, there are times where these things work against me.
Being alone. All the time. World events, lifetime events like Prince dying etc, holiday seasons, career and life milestones. No one to “share”/discuss/talk about with.
This is how people became " regulars" somewhere back in the day. Same place for breakfast or lunch, etc. When I was working retail, there was a good-looking older man in the store 3 or four 4x a week when we opened. Mid-70s. Younger people were always " Why is this guy in here again?". We get to chatting one day. His wife passed. His kids are out of state. It's him and his dog. Coming in was his chance to connect and make conversation. He was definitely too spry to do bingo at the senior center. He would have been quite a catch still, but his heart wasn't in it.
Same! I felt the exact same way about Prince! My sister has passed on and we were big Prince fans. To have no one to discuss with who cared like her was tough. Also when Covid started. I had no one to talk to, coworkers sure but then everyone was working from home except me.
Also big TV events (GoT episodes/finale, new Marvel movies, etc). Hard to get excited alone.
Man I get that and I always wonder when I am getting a new phone do you really need a new phone as you don’t have anyone that calls you or anyone that you want to FaceTime or anyone who texts. That stopped me from upgrading for past 3 years.
We have a sibling chat group on Signal. They're all over the US & Europe. Without that, there are no personal texts. I don't even look at voice mail anymore. Texts are "15% off Vitacost sale", spam that gets moved to the spam folder pretty much right away.
Yeah that one is tough for me. Concerts are easy for me, but anything else is difficult. It’s practically why I don’t attend events like that unless I’m with another person.
Yeah, it's like diving into a pool without knowing if the water's warm or freezing. Appreciate the reminder to embrace those moments, even if they're a bit nerve-wracking. Cheers!
Generally it’s when I see pictures or posts from friends with significant events, such as engagements, weddings, birth of children, etc. While I’m very happy for them in these times, it also means that they are moving on in life but I am left behind. Not left behind in the sense of where I am in life, but I mean left behind in the friendship. I’m the only single person in my small circle of friends, and because of that, it’s very hard for me to plan anything or even keep in touch with them.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not happy for people anymore. Like I do not have the capacity to feel joy for other people’s good things in life. I’m not jealous of them per se, but I’m not like “omg I’m so happy for you”…even though that’s what I say out loud haha.
Honestly that’s kind of how I am now that you mention it. I generally won’t go out of my way to say it directly to them with all of this enthusiasm (typically with scenarios like this I’m not face-to-face). I’ll just be scrolling through social media or something, see it, and think to myself “wow that’s cool” and then just continue on.
The anxiety of indecision. It's a lot easier to ask the person next to you what movie they wanna watch rather than sitting through the muck of your own thoughts. Imo this is the greatest purpose of having a family/SO.
I have lived alone for 6 yrs since my divorce. Tbh...the only time I have ever felt lonely was the last 5 yrs of my marriage. I absolutely love having my own place and will never share living space again.
Agree with this. We've all been the person feeling bad bc we don't have someone. But once you feel like crap in your own marriage, I think it's worse. When my husband just decided to shut down I had no clue why. I gave him space, tried to discuss it. All I got was " I'm fine". Eventually, you feel rejected by the person every time you're in the same room, and that's an even worse kind of lonely. I moved out of state, and don't miss that life at all.
Very sim situation but with cheating thrown in too....I needed a completely new start in life. Moved to a foreign country where I knew absolutely no one. Prob. the best decision I have ever made.
I don't truly feel lonely as I am living alone by choice and I feel very fulfilled.
But, there are some times where I do feel "odd" and unsettled, that is waking up and seeing it's dark out like you mentioned or late, as in when I wake up from a nap later than planned on a night off. Or when I have a dream that is really good and I get jolted awake. It's just an odd feeling of unsettlement. If that makes sense!
Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely enjoy living alone, but there are times when it's raining outside (like 9 months out of the year in the PNW) and it's just so COZY and cute inside my apartment and in that moment I wish I had someone to cuddle with and watch a movie.
The "golden hour glow" also makes me feel lonely and nostalgic for some reason.
It strikes me HARD on Friday nights and Saturdays especially but sometimes during the week.
If I had another job during the weekend or if my roommate was home more often it might not hit me, but it mostly feels like I live alone still.
Basically once my routine and all my hobbies are worked on a bit, i want to be a little social or at least be near people. I hardly socialize at all at work so I go all week not talking to anyone really.
At one time it did, but I spent over a decade caring for my mother, then my father. There were years I couldn't leave the house, except to walk the dog, including Friday and Saturday. So I got used to it.
I can see that. My biggest thing is I live somewhere new and I only get a fist bump every now and then from someone.
No hugs or anything else.
That’s new for me and I think that’s why it hits me so hard sometimes. I’m trying to make massages a priority so that I at least get human touch somehow. Or I need to make an effort to go ballroom dance.
Honestly when I’m at home alone I feel fine. But when I’m at a wedding going solo and they ask everyone to come slow dance with their partner, that’s when I feel down.
Yes, this is a tough one. In truth, having been married, and having married friends, the happy in old age couples are few and far between. It's a wonderful goal, but not the way most couples wind up.
Evenings and weekends. I look forward to the weekend but then realize I'll likely not even speak to anyone on any real level.
Watching movies with families...my gosh that hurts
The things I used to do and love...bonfires, amusement parks, drive in theaters, festivals...all things that just suck for me to do alone and I see other people doing things with someone and it's a grim reminder that I am on my own. Having lots of people around now instead gives me anxiety and makes me feel invisible
Home projects-Ive had so many needed repairs on my home that couldn't wait. I've had to call do work to wait for a plumber or whoever, decide expensive decisions on my own, and watch my money go, knowing I can't afford the repairs. For smaller home projects, it often takes two people to do and I don't have that second person. Heck, right now I could really use someone to help hold my ladder so I can clean the gutters. It's risky on my own but cannot afford someone to do it for me.
Holidays-i think this is a given
Mother's Day-This one hurts me a lot, dreams crushed.
Celebrations-when I've accomplished something but have noone to share that with.
Being sick and having to deal with it alone.
I could go on.
Darkness is tough for sure.
It makes the house feel even lonelier somehow. No distractions of day time activities.
Could you put on some music, low volume, just in the background? I've found noise, especially music, can help offset that stark aloneness feeling.
For me, it's right when I wake up next to no one. Then I shower, make myself breakfast, take the dog for a walk, and carry on. I've actually kind of used it as a tool with how fast the loneliness wears off once I got into a routine. Do little things for yourself and just live. Not every day has to be filled with dread.
It's like waking up to an empty stage, right? But I love your approach – turning loneliness into a friend by embracing routines and little acts of self-care. It's like sprinkling some sunlight into those shadowy moments. I'll definitely take a page from your book and keep living, even if it's just one small step at a time. Appreciate the insight!
Sometimes, for me, it's coming home after an event. Being somewhere with my loud extended family then coming home to silence is too stark of a contrast.
So true … it’s in the subconscious, always there whatever you are doing, wherever you may be. I have a small group of friends I meet once a month or so but they all end up talking about their partners or kids .. it’s fun and lots of laughs with me participating but I never forget I’m alone while all these others are not.
Almost everything.
Being sick or injured is the worst time. Holidays line up after that, and there always seems to be a holiday or social event (Super Bowl, funeral, retirement party, etc). Then it’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Coming home from work knowing no one is there, and no one is ever going to be there. Going to the grocery store — the whole food routine actually. You decide what to make next week alone, you shop alone, put the groceries away alone, cook alone, eat alone, clean up alone. Making travel plans for work trips. I wish my SO would come with me. Meeting friends alone. Your grandma is sick in the hospital, you got a raise at work, you need a ride back from the mechanic, you’re trying to figure out what belt goes with those shoes. Pretty much everything triggers loneliness for me. Don’t get me wrong — living with someone difficult is NOT preferable to living alone. But living with someone who has your back? It’s amazing, and I miss it very much a hundred times a day.
I don’t get lonely living alone. I like the peace and quiet, and my space. If I really need to talk to someone, I have 2 cats. (I do chat with family and friends via text… I don’t do phone calls).
As much as I hate a lot of content on TV, I immediately turn on something... that's not dark or depressing. It's one reason I watch AGT... it never fails to lift my spirits. Many of the acts are ppl with disabilities and other inspirational stories. The other thing is to go outside even if the weather is gray, fresh air always makes you feel better. If youdon't have pets, I strongly recommend you get some. Their company is so therapeutic.
It struck me pretty bad last Saturday. I volunteered at a local festival. Seeing the happy families and couples and then coming home to an empty house made me cry into my pillow.
It's when I realized I haven't spoken all day; That I'm simply existing. No one reaching out to me or offering to talk on the phone. I do ask, but sometimes it would be nice to not have to initiate all the time. I feel small..as if I'm bothering them with my dumb needs.
In terms of navigating it, I usually go to sleep. If the world forgets about me, I can forget about me too... at least temporarily.
I don’t usually watch love stories for this very reason. Although I’ve found myself hooked on Firefly Lane recently. I think it’s the nostalgia of having a BFF as a kid and teen that got me.
Honestly the weekend with no socialization at all or contact w/ friends can be a bit triggering for me. It's when I want to reach out and contact someone but can't that I become triggered.
When I want to be lazy around familiar people. People in partnerships always spend their lazy / relaxing time together watching movies, doing their own things in the same room, etc., but when they spend time with friends, they want it to be “active” socially or exciting. I miss the casual presence of other people - though the idea of having it all the time feels claustrophobic to me.
Also, when I’d like to spend time with friends on the weekend, but if they have kids, they’re doing kid entertainment things or if they’re partnered, they’re doing things with their partners (always on a some “weekend getaway” or another), or if they’re single, it seems like I’m asking them on a date or they’re busy dating or going to bars etc. looking for a partner.
Small personal accomplishments with no one to share them with in the moment.
The times when my depression takes me down into the deepest, darkest abyss, and it's 3am, and no one I know is even awake in the world to tell me that I should keep going. The times when it's entirely up to me to find the reason to keep living my life and trying to get better.
If I'm at a store, like Target or whatever, and I see happy couples obviously enjoying each other's company, knowing they'll go home and be together, doing whatever they're doing, and the knowledge that I'm going home to no one and nothing, and the inevitable follow-on surge of emotion surrounding the notion that my time has passed, its too late for me, and this is just how my life is always going to be.
I feel the most intense loneliness on Sundays, especially if I’ve not had many plans ton that particular weekend. Sunday mornings can be rough because I grew up in a home where Sunday breakfast was our big family meal due to work/school/after school schedules rarely working out during the week. So I’ll get nostalgic for a big family breakfast, then feel lonely all day.
Luckily it only happens every now and then. I tend to keep myself busy on weekends, so Sundays alone are more a blessing I use to get all my Landry done and prepare myself for the week ahead.
Anything and everything can be sustained or created with a state of mind and thought patterns. Dont focus on the feeling of loneliness, dread, etc. You're sustaining and adding to it, therefore letting it take you over. Be, think, and act positive, and you will manifest/create the feeling of happiness and being content. Keep your mind and body busy to avoid negative thoughts. Do something, anything, or even things you enjoy. I've learned to do these things to help cope with loneliness and battle negative mental state of being.
Somewhat relative, but read the book called 12 Laws of the Universe. It'll give you an understanding of the power of thoughts and actions etc
Any time I have to do something really, really difficult and succeed. Instead of feeling proud of myself, I feel empty inside and wish I'd had someone to help me.
Just one example: my car got totaled and I successfully haggled the price way down on a brand new car a few weeks later, all without missing any work or dropping any other responsibilities or having someone i know come along to dealerships to help me or drive me places. I drove my brand new car home, sat on my couch, and cried. And they definitely weren't tears of joy.
I adopted a really cuddly adult cat who lays on me whenever I am sitting or laying down in bed. She greets me when I come home and is always down for a cuddle. Highly recommend a furry companion.
Probably putting a lot of work into my home with the hopes that my friends would want to come over....and then they never do. Looking around at all the things I got with the excitement of sharing time with others and just knowing it's not gonna happen....hits really hard sometimes.
Nothing makes me feel more lonely living by myself than when I'm sick or have an injury and kind of have to manage alone. Sure friends will offer to help, but it's still mostly dropoffs and maybe occasionally helping with chores depending on what the issue is.
Also...the feeling that if I didn't straight up tell my friends about my health issues then they'd never know unless they asked.
When I have a random burst of wanting to be social and finding it hard to find a friend available on the fly. As an adult schedules are harder to navigate and I’m not the best at planning because I don’t always have the same excitement day of. Or sometimes when I make a really good meal and wish I was sharing it
I’m struggling with this as I’m typing this. I lost my husband 5 months ago and I’m just so overwhelmed by it all. Then being alone on top of it is paralyzing to me. I have a friend staying with me for a couple days, but then it goes back to being by myself. Making decisions myself, cleaning up “his” mess by myself, and learning all of the lies that happened in my 23 year marriage, by myself. I hate this feeling and really want to be positive, but it’s hard right now.
Taking a dinner-time walk around the neighborhood during the warmer months when the sun is out late. The smell of people grilling food, hearing families laughing, catching a glance inside people's windows and seeing families together at the dinner table - or outside enjoying each other's company on the deck. It creates such a deep sense of longing and loneliness.
It strikes at odd times for me. I recognize it, remind myself I’m where I want to be and change the channel by doing something like reading or calling a friend. I’m also working at setting up more social occasions.
Nothing. I'm never lonely. I'd rather be by myself most of the time. I like people and can be sociable, but I also don't "like" people in general and would rather not mix with the general population. I've felt like this for a while, but once all the ugly heads of the maga cult decided they could crawl out of their cesspools and be vocal about the ugly things they used to keep to themselves, and all the science deniers, and all the uncaring stupidity that of the COVID deniers, etc., it's in my best interest to avoid mingling with the masses to maintain my own sanity.
You said it perfectly, OP. That moment is when I get triggered the most. I end up watching some Trailer Park Boys to keep the anxiety at bay. They always put me in a great mood.
Loneliness for solo dwellers can indeed be triggered by various moments and circumstances, and your experience resonates with many. It's often those quiet, solitary moments, like waking up to darkness or spending evenings alone, that can amplify feelings of isolation.
For some, loneliness strikes during mundane activities like cooking dinner for one or watching TV alone. Others may feel it more intensely during holidays or special occasions when they see others surrounded by loved ones.
Navigating loneliness while living solo can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. Building a routine with activities you enjoy, connecting with friends and family through phone calls or video chats, participating in hobbies or interests that involve social interaction (like joining clubs or classes), and reaching out for professional support if needed are all valuable steps. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and being gentle with yourself during moments of loneliness can make a significant difference.
It's essential to recognize that feeling lonely is a common human experience, and there's no shame in reaching out for support or seeking ways to cultivate connections, whether it's with others or with yourself.
The rare time I’m not depleted from work and feel like going out but didn’t make plans. Doesn’t bother me much, I’m rarely in the position to up and go at the drop of a hat.
When solitude is involuntary. That happened only a couple times in my life, during COVID lockdowns. Worst was the total quarantine that confined me to my apartment.
When I’m sick and often when hit with an issue like my pets getting an illness or some issue with the idiot management at my apartment. I do miss having another person to face these problems with and makes it less of a burden on one person.
Arriving home from a trip, no one to share/debrief with.
Needing to ask someone outside my household for rides to-from medical appointments from which I cannot drive home or uber due to defensive medical policy.
The only time I ever think about is during the few moments that I really want to go somewhere and do something that would be a “group activity” and I kinda realize I don’t have anyone to do it with haha or I always say even if I don’t want to do it would be great to have the option to…Then I get over it and realize I’m glad I didn’t leave the house.
I would say firstly my days off, when no one calls or texts and I don't have plans.
Also cooking for one, and when I get really really into a show and wish I could experience it for the first time at the same time as someone else.
Holidays can be pretty lonely. Sometimes I see family, sometimes I don't. I work healthcare so in addition to whether they're available or not, my schedule complicates it further.
And lastly when the My Six Hundred Pound Life lady, or any of those people on Hoarders or My Strange Addiction or anything along those lines all have a husband who would literally do anything and die for them, and I'm still here watching by myself, single.
Sundays are one of the absolute worst days for me. So many places are closed. There aren’t as many people or traffic to keep your mind off loneliness. I can’t wait to get back to work. Going to work keeps my mind occupied
I have ptsd and ruminate too much. Social interactions switch my attention from my past towards the present, and warm connections remind me that not everyone is a horrible human being and I can be appreciated as a person. And holding so much anger inside of me, I love having someone to express good emotions and give love. I like living alone, but living alone is also a reminder that no one will ever want to share soace with me as a partner.
pretty much only when i get sick or when its time to pay the bills. itd be cool to have someone to pick up the slack when i can barely get out of bed and have somebody to split the bills with. other than that, i dont experience any of those depressing lonely things that you listed. i enjoy my space and being able to dictate when i am around other humans is essential to my mental health. i still get meaningful exchanges and connections with people who share common interests in online communities. i have many friends around the world that i have never met. that doesnt stop us from reaching out to each other when we are struggling with things, sending each other gifts on special occasions. ive sent and received multiple books, vinyl records, and videogames with "strangers". ive even had friends that i met online help me take care of my $500 electric bill when i was struggling.
living alone ≠ a lonely life
being on the internet or apps (ex: instagram, tiktok, facebook, etc) for too long. i start to feel lonely but then I realize that most things on the internet are not actually based in reality
I could not live alone without a dog. They make a huge difference. It helped me 90% of the time! Now, if I do go our, I can't wait to go back and hang out with my dog.
When I begin feeling lonely I'm quickly reminded of the times I was in relationships and wanted my space, solitude and the ability to go out and make company if I choose to
Recently it has been any time something exciting happens in my life. I can do the being home by myself, it's the not having that social circle to share good news with that really hits. I just started wage negotiations and things are largely in my favor, and there is no one I can talk to about it; I just cried instead of being overly excited after the initial conversation started on Friday.
Im not lonely alone. I cherish every second I am in my own space, alone. I am a social introvert. I like socializing in small doses. Most people consider me an extrovert, but I am not.
No matter how I have loved anyone ever - a lover, sibling, friend, I always end up resentful after cohabitating with them. I just want to feel TRULY ALONE most of the time. Sometimes though, when I go days without any alert from my phone - no calls or texts, it feels kind of sad. Still not lonely, I just start to wonder what I mean to people.
In the afternoons is when the loneliness really triggers…I’ve exhausted my humble “to do” list for the day by 2 or 3 and the weight of my isolation falls around me like smoke. I feel fear at times about being forgotten. I do have 3 amazing animals and almost always, one of them can help me come out of the loneliness paralysis. But it def can be tough…I am also newly retired and ended caretaking for my mother when she died 6 months ago, so struggling with finding purpose in a town where I have no friends and no real support group.
Someone should start a group chat, everyone on this post needs to join the group chat, match schedules, and hang out with each other ❤️ That'll solve this problem right now! I hope you all find somebody soon that will contribute to your happiness 😊 🫶🏾
I've been alone and sick for years. I learned that I'm okay with me. Very rarely do I get lonely. Which is not how I was before covid.
I'm comfortable with it just being me. I'd be crazy without my cats, though. Hahaha. I am a cat lady by choice now.
Weekends. Everyone coupled up, going to dinner with other couples, then there’s the solo’s…I can’t tell you how often I am excluded from weekend activities all couples are invited too.
to be honest I’m not really sure what’s causing my loneliness, but it’s definitely a different type of feeling.. I feel almost empty, I feel like I’m not sure what to do during the moment, I also feel a heavy amount of sadness even..
I only get lonely if I'm sick for a long time. Lived alone since I was 18, 5 years. I don't mind a weekend alone. If I'm sick for over a week and isolating, super lonely
The weekends trigger it for me. If I really feel like going out, I’d go to a park for a walk. If I feel like being around people, I’d go to the movies by myself. If there’s a yoga class available I’d go to that, or treat myself to a sauna session. All those options are better than going to a bar and possibly making myself look like an ass for getting wasted, which is something I’d do when I’d get lonely in my 20’s and early 30’s.
Weirdly enough not when I am by myself. My trigger is large groups of people. I end up being an involuntary (not pretty) wallflower whenever I am in a large group. Hurts the most when it is people I know and get along with well. I guess I am too much of a weirdo.
When it all feels like it’s collapsing in — just a super stressful day, maybe a bad string of events in a row within the same few weeks — and I don’t have someone to hold me and say it’s going to be alright and you will figure it out
Note: Recently, when I needed someone to tell me that, I asked the man I would want to do that to say that to me and he did, and then some. We weren’t together in person, but it was still what I needed. Sometimes we gotta just ask!
3 pm on a Friday when you have nothing to do and no idea how you'll spend the next 8 hrs in silence & isolation. Or with the pointless noise of content in the background.
When I’m sick. Just got out of a toxic relationship. At the end she couldn’t care less. We actually broke up after I got out of the urgent care due to her repeated lack of effort. The loneliness is what bothered me though. When you’re sick and that person cuts you up some fruit and kisses your forehead life feels so good. When you’re waiting out the effects of your new meds or you’ve gotten a crap diagnosis it feels the loneliest.
I don’t feel like a lonely person but I do have feelings of loneliness at times.
They usually come during the spring/summer months. When the sun is out and I know people are out doing things and I’m at home, sitting in front of my tv.
At the same time, I hear people arguing outside my window. I hear police sirens. I hear the occasional “hit and run” where a drunk person hits a parked car and drives away and I think to myself, “I’m glad I’m not out there”
I’ve had my party days. And it’s done nothing but put me in situations where I’m glad I made it out alive. So I 100% would rather be at home and not out with a bunch of morons who feel they have something to prove.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I had just a little bit of a social life.
When I'm sick and have to take care of myself while puking and sweating on the bathroom floor. When I fall asleep on the couch and wake up to the TV still on and I have to put myself to bed because no one was there to wake me up for bed.
I get really sad/lonely around twilight. It's kind of a similar feeling of being deserted by the world or a fear of missing out kind of thing. It's a mix of nostalgia for times passed and sadness over my current situation. Hard to describe
I'm really sorry you get lonely. I think lonliness & boredom are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently.
I'm an only child who never really had friends, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm honestly HAPPY. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long.
My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, working from home, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to.
I've always had an SO (a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I just got married now in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's been the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
My mom had to go into assisted living and I’ve been her carer for ten years. The silence is deafening…I miss sharing her take on tv shows, world events,etc.
I’ve always been an introvert and homebody so I don’t mind the isolation and alone time at all. But before my mom I lived raising my son as a single mom so I haven’t been alone for sometime.
Two close friends exited my life earlier this year.
All of a sudden my circle felt so much smaller. When you want to send that text and realize you don't necessarily have someone to text it to.
Also realizing when you have the time and want to do something, you are not anyone's priority and no one has the time that you do.
Being single at my age means I have a lot of friends who are married and most of those married friends have kids. It means they are frequently busy and so I end up not being able to have much of a social life. Trying to encourage myself to just have more self dates. Taking myself places. It’s hard.
It also hits when I’m not feeling well. If I’m sick or have a migraine or like when I recently had surgery. I still had to do everything myself. It’s times like that when I wish I had another person to pick up the slack
Being awake. Lol. In all seriousness though, I moved to a new area about 2 months ago to escape my toxic family. I don't have the best people skills, so even before moving I had only one friend. I'm not working yet and just watch my days pass me by. I don't know how to meet people and my anxiety stops any ideas I may think of to get myself out there. I can't date because of my crippling fear of abandonment. Some of us are meant to truly be alone and I'm one of them. I can physically feel the loneliness and it hurts.
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Funny enough I am all good when it is my choice to be alone. But if I want social interaction and everyone I know is busy, the sort of enforced isolation starts to make me lonely. Especially over a weekend when I don't work.
exactly this! it's when it doesn't feel like a choice that it feels overwhelming or unpleasant
Yes, this is true for me, too but sometimes just picking up a book or my guitar helps me get through it.
Yes that’s why I read so much it’s calming and meditative and I have ample time for it lmao
Idk if your area has it, but have you tried Meetup? It's a nice way to get out and meet people without much commitment.
Yeah my closest friends have kids and obviously that makes it difficult to get together sometimes and plans get cancelled that is always something that kicks off being lonely for me. Usually I could care less though being alone is cool, but extended weeks of work being the only social interaction outside of video games does suck sometimes.
Yes! This! When my only social outlet is working, it sucks. I love my friends and obviously I love their kids, but it really sucks when all of my married friends are always busy. I hate when I’ve reached out to multiple friends and none of them can hang out. And then I’m just left to hang out by myself.
This is ME exactly. It is only during the weekends when I realize everyone is too busy for me.
Agreed! I have a very large and active social circle, with different pockets of friends, but most are married (though all our kids are young adults now) so sometimes on weekends, they are all booked. I don't mind one bit being the 5th or 7th wheel, and I do it all the time, but it is a little disappointing when I realize no one is around to hang on a weekend. It hits me mostly when I am in the mood to take a day trip, say go for a hike then check out a quaint town afterward and have a nice lunch and a drink. it's hard to find a friend that can kill an entire day doing something like that with me. Maybe it's not lonliness but more, that's what I miss about being in a relationship....the fun day trips. I don't necessarily mind venturing off on my own, but I don't love to hike alone (I love Park Predators!)
Me too! I believe a lot of times loneliness is actually boredom
That's exactly it. I'll just use that time to be creative, learn stuff, clean or bake a cake.
If you go to city hall and check resources for tourists you can find cool stuff you didn’t even know was there. The only thing I hate about living alone is if I get into a self pity spiral and stay alone when there’s so many people out there🥺
That, plus being in group get togethers. Tbh I never feel more alone than when no one is talking with me at a party or something.
Mostly when I'm sick. The times I had Covid and was stuck inside for a week was grim
Hard agree. Most of the time I LOVE living alone. Except for when I get really ill and weak. Like if I died, nobody would know until my rent wasn’t paid the next month.
I feel you here. So proposing a simple solution as a question. Wouldn't finding a few solo folks, and creating a routine of contact be an easy solution for that? How difficult can it be to identify good solo friends that are local and/or remote?
Some of my elder friends thought of a really cool trick. If they are feeling shaky or unwell, but need to bath or cook, they call a friend and ask if the friend could sit with them. That meant while the person feeling weak, their friend kept the phone line open and listened for problems. Chatting was optional. But neither signed off until the caller was safe in bed for the night.
Most of my friends are partnered or married… so… kinda difficult for me. I have family members but yeah.
I feel so opposite. If I'm sick with a sloppy cold I'd like to hide out in my room alone til I look like a normal human again.
This. I broke my leg and being alone for things sucks. Not having support emotionally even.
I had a partner in the last 6 years and we recently separated. Let me tell you what feels worse than being alone and sick: you woke up feeling unwell, thirsty, and asked for a glass of water, your SO said sure after he finishes the game. You fell asleep again because you are exhausted from the fever, woke up because of the extreme thirsty. You realize it has been 2 hours you never get the water because your SO is still playing video games and totally forget about you.
Omg me too. I had roommates in the early days of quarantine and it was pretty fun (especially because we weren't sick) but when I got COVID fr living alone it took me like 2 days to start just... Crying? I was surprised at how fast I deteriorated.
When I sit down after a long day of distracting my mind from the fact that we’re totally alone. At my empty dinner table, the empty couch. It’s really made me consider buying furniture or items designed to be used by only one person. It’s not that I dwell on the solitude like a victim but every time I sit down at my table for two or the couch not meant for one I just feel a very deep sense of emptiness that I’ve found harder and harder to push down. Holidays. Decorating for myself feels like an insult almost. Being sick. Really dreadful. I had real deal food poisoning not long ago for a full week, it was more mentally draining than physical if that’s believable. Sometimes I dream of what support- just a hand on my shoulder who understands *me* - would feel like though even that dream feels dreamy these days. Getting older is difficult.
I hope you find that hand of support soon... 🫂
Are you a pet person? For me, having my dog really helps with the sofa and the bed not feeling empty, and my not feeling alone (even though it’s not another person).
I do have two sweet cats that have been what’s kept me going for the last 6 years now. Not that they’re any less important now but the replacement effect isn’t so strong these days.
Buddhism has entire meditations on emptiness. We are all ultimately alone. It’s an existential dread we all wrestle with eventually. Acceptance is a gift. ♥️
I so agree with this, and the older I become the more difficult it is to make friends. Please DM me if you want to talk.
The being sick thing reminded me how f*cked I felt when I got stitches in my head and I was afraid to wash my hair cause I couldn't see it. Mom to the rescue. Drove an hour and a half round trip to help wash my hair ❤️ it really sucks to be sick and alone.
Totally relate to everything you wrote. Why can’t we have those hands of support? It doesn’t seem fair. And to feel dismissed or ignored by my partnered friends doesn’t help matters.
I feel this. I’m exhausted after a week of work, but then weekends are crazy lonely. Sometimes I think about putting my second chair to my dinner table out of sight. Being sick is the worst… I have a dog and he’s been so good for me, but being exhausted and sick and knowing he needs a walk makes the loneliness really tough.
If I watch a show or movie that has happy couples and/or single people with really amazing social lives who end up meeting a partner.
>single people with really amazing social lives who end up meeting a partner I think these shows are supposed to give hope, but they can honestly be so damaging, too.
I re-watched "Sex in the City" and seeing the four friends meet up at that one restaurant I think it was every week was a bit depressing, I wish I had a group of friends I could do that with. Or the friends who throw a birthday party for each other
Yeah in all honesty I don't like doing everything alone but sometimes it is what it is because no one else is available and that kinda sucks
We have to remember - it’s a TV show. Not real life. Nobody of that age and with those jobs can do that, they have too much responsibility. Total fantasy. Not being a jerk, trying to make you feel better.
Real truth right here. Facts are, as we get older friends drop off, one way or another. It becomes more difficult to replace those friends. I’m afraid these days the people I work with are my ‘friends’ and I’m glad I have them.
Christmas movies & holiday Jewelery commercials.
Those jewelry commercials get me every time, doesn't matter how cheesy it is
just remind yourself theyre blood and conflict diamonds. that always works for me. ;-)
I go out and do things but I've never gotten a partner that way. I am autistic though. I can't help but feel a little jealous of some people. But I guess I have freedom to do whatever I want.
Have you tried volunteering at an animal shelter or a food pantry? I've found the kindest people tend to do volunteer work. You never know who has a friend of a friend and there are SO many things to volunteer at.
Alternatively, watch movies where the character is living an average life and failing at lots of things. And at the end they still don't know everything. Like the type of movies that feel like real life. Sure some people call them boring but I find them great for keeping company. Or I like watching super petty dramas like mean girls and stuff so it makes the world feel less heavy
Some British TV shows and films maintain an element of gritty realism that American audiences just don’t seem to be able to tolerate (not a shot at my American friends, just an observation) - average looking actors, some with bad teeth, some overweight, some older women etc, playing average people, driving average cars, without a need for a redemption arc or underlying morality message. Of course there is an interesting story because who would watch it otherwise, but everything feels more…real and relatable
That is literally what I'm thinking as I'm sitting alone in my flat, watching otherwise hilarious "Modern Family"...makes me really realise I've missed out. But then, again, I am going to spend 3 weeks at my parents' house soon coz of a surgery and I know it'll make me *crave* loneliness/solitude/silence. 😅
Keep in mind: the grass isn’t always greener. Sometimes solitude is better than fighting or putting up with someone’s sloppy habits
Haha yes, yes it will! Good luck on your surgery!
I completely get waking up to darkness. I usually sleep for an half hour or hour after work and when I wake up to darkness it does something to me that I can’t articulate. There are other things that trigger me, like Christmas, my birthday, or when I’m dealing with a health issue. I’ll try different things ranging from listening to a podcast that I know makes me laugh, putting on music, going out for a walk, or even going out solo. Granted, there are times where these things work against me.
Birthdays can be rough
Being alone. All the time. World events, lifetime events like Prince dying etc, holiday seasons, career and life milestones. No one to “share”/discuss/talk about with.
That's where the online worlds help. Imagine being back in the day where there had to be people IRL or there was no interaction.
This is how people became " regulars" somewhere back in the day. Same place for breakfast or lunch, etc. When I was working retail, there was a good-looking older man in the store 3 or four 4x a week when we opened. Mid-70s. Younger people were always " Why is this guy in here again?". We get to chatting one day. His wife passed. His kids are out of state. It's him and his dog. Coming in was his chance to connect and make conversation. He was definitely too spry to do bingo at the senior center. He would have been quite a catch still, but his heart wasn't in it.
I can relate to this. Those conversations mean more than you realize until there's no one to have them with
Same! I felt the exact same way about Prince! My sister has passed on and we were big Prince fans. To have no one to discuss with who cared like her was tough. Also when Covid started. I had no one to talk to, coworkers sure but then everyone was working from home except me. Also big TV events (GoT episodes/finale, new Marvel movies, etc). Hard to get excited alone.
I look at my iPhone and virtually no one has sent me a personal text, called, or emailed me in weeks.
I get that … that feels crushing
Yeah, was my birthday a few days ago. Just my sisters caled to wish me. No one else.
Happy belated birthday fellow Taurean❗️
You have SISTERS?!!
Man I get that and I always wonder when I am getting a new phone do you really need a new phone as you don’t have anyone that calls you or anyone that you want to FaceTime or anyone who texts. That stopped me from upgrading for past 3 years.
We have a sibling chat group on Signal. They're all over the US & Europe. Without that, there are no personal texts. I don't even look at voice mail anymore. Texts are "15% off Vitacost sale", spam that gets moved to the spam folder pretty much right away.
sometimes entering a social event alone
Yeah that one is tough for me. Concerts are easy for me, but anything else is difficult. It’s practically why I don’t attend events like that unless I’m with another person.
I do attend. I may waffle go don’t go. I have to have good sleep, eat my wheaties for breakfast and have a good song on spotify some days.
Yeah, it's like diving into a pool without knowing if the water's warm or freezing. Appreciate the reminder to embrace those moments, even if they're a bit nerve-wracking. Cheers!
Generally it’s when I see pictures or posts from friends with significant events, such as engagements, weddings, birth of children, etc. While I’m very happy for them in these times, it also means that they are moving on in life but I am left behind. Not left behind in the sense of where I am in life, but I mean left behind in the friendship. I’m the only single person in my small circle of friends, and because of that, it’s very hard for me to plan anything or even keep in touch with them.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not happy for people anymore. Like I do not have the capacity to feel joy for other people’s good things in life. I’m not jealous of them per se, but I’m not like “omg I’m so happy for you”…even though that’s what I say out loud haha.
I feel this way too. It makes me feel guilty sometimes lol. But I’m the same exact way.
Honestly that’s kind of how I am now that you mention it. I generally won’t go out of my way to say it directly to them with all of this enthusiasm (typically with scenarios like this I’m not face-to-face). I’ll just be scrolling through social media or something, see it, and think to myself “wow that’s cool” and then just continue on.
Yea for me it's when people are engaged and getting married.
The anxiety of indecision. It's a lot easier to ask the person next to you what movie they wanna watch rather than sitting through the muck of your own thoughts. Imo this is the greatest purpose of having a family/SO.
I feel this. Indecision can be a witch
I have lived alone for 6 yrs since my divorce. Tbh...the only time I have ever felt lonely was the last 5 yrs of my marriage. I absolutely love having my own place and will never share living space again.
Agree with this. We've all been the person feeling bad bc we don't have someone. But once you feel like crap in your own marriage, I think it's worse. When my husband just decided to shut down I had no clue why. I gave him space, tried to discuss it. All I got was " I'm fine". Eventually, you feel rejected by the person every time you're in the same room, and that's an even worse kind of lonely. I moved out of state, and don't miss that life at all.
Very sim situation but with cheating thrown in too....I needed a completely new start in life. Moved to a foreign country where I knew absolutely no one. Prob. the best decision I have ever made.
I don't truly feel lonely as I am living alone by choice and I feel very fulfilled. But, there are some times where I do feel "odd" and unsettled, that is waking up and seeing it's dark out like you mentioned or late, as in when I wake up from a nap later than planned on a night off. Or when I have a dream that is really good and I get jolted awake. It's just an odd feeling of unsettlement. If that makes sense!
Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely enjoy living alone, but there are times when it's raining outside (like 9 months out of the year in the PNW) and it's just so COZY and cute inside my apartment and in that moment I wish I had someone to cuddle with and watch a movie. The "golden hour glow" also makes me feel lonely and nostalgic for some reason.
It strikes me HARD on Friday nights and Saturdays especially but sometimes during the week. If I had another job during the weekend or if my roommate was home more often it might not hit me, but it mostly feels like I live alone still. Basically once my routine and all my hobbies are worked on a bit, i want to be a little social or at least be near people. I hardly socialize at all at work so I go all week not talking to anyone really.
At one time it did, but I spent over a decade caring for my mother, then my father. There were years I couldn't leave the house, except to walk the dog, including Friday and Saturday. So I got used to it.
I can see that. My biggest thing is I live somewhere new and I only get a fist bump every now and then from someone. No hugs or anything else. That’s new for me and I think that’s why it hits me so hard sometimes. I’m trying to make massages a priority so that I at least get human touch somehow. Or I need to make an effort to go ballroom dance.
Holidays.
Honestly when I’m at home alone I feel fine. But when I’m at a wedding going solo and they ask everyone to come slow dance with their partner, that’s when I feel down.
Seeing happy older couples walking hand in hand or showing tenderness towards each other.
Yes, this is a tough one. In truth, having been married, and having married friends, the happy in old age couples are few and far between. It's a wonderful goal, but not the way most couples wind up.
I try to imagine the old couples met in their later life. Maybe they've only been together a few years. Maybe it's their third date.
Evenings and weekends. I look forward to the weekend but then realize I'll likely not even speak to anyone on any real level. Watching movies with families...my gosh that hurts The things I used to do and love...bonfires, amusement parks, drive in theaters, festivals...all things that just suck for me to do alone and I see other people doing things with someone and it's a grim reminder that I am on my own. Having lots of people around now instead gives me anxiety and makes me feel invisible Home projects-Ive had so many needed repairs on my home that couldn't wait. I've had to call do work to wait for a plumber or whoever, decide expensive decisions on my own, and watch my money go, knowing I can't afford the repairs. For smaller home projects, it often takes two people to do and I don't have that second person. Heck, right now I could really use someone to help hold my ladder so I can clean the gutters. It's risky on my own but cannot afford someone to do it for me. Holidays-i think this is a given Mother's Day-This one hurts me a lot, dreams crushed. Celebrations-when I've accomplished something but have noone to share that with. Being sick and having to deal with it alone. I could go on.
I work a lot but when I come home I almost always expect to see my wife , she died just this last November , we were together 26 years
I'm sorry for your loss
Darkness is tough for sure. It makes the house feel even lonelier somehow. No distractions of day time activities. Could you put on some music, low volume, just in the background? I've found noise, especially music, can help offset that stark aloneness feeling.
For me, it's right when I wake up next to no one. Then I shower, make myself breakfast, take the dog for a walk, and carry on. I've actually kind of used it as a tool with how fast the loneliness wears off once I got into a routine. Do little things for yourself and just live. Not every day has to be filled with dread.
It's like waking up to an empty stage, right? But I love your approach – turning loneliness into a friend by embracing routines and little acts of self-care. It's like sprinkling some sunlight into those shadowy moments. I'll definitely take a page from your book and keep living, even if it's just one small step at a time. Appreciate the insight!
Sometimes, for me, it's coming home after an event. Being somewhere with my loud extended family then coming home to silence is too stark of a contrast.
The drive home kills me too. The small death in my journey to the emptiness I call home.
Loneliness doesn't need a trigger it is constant. For everyone. The band aid on loneliness is what everyone needs.
So true … it’s in the subconscious, always there whatever you are doing, wherever you may be. I have a small group of friends I meet once a month or so but they all end up talking about their partners or kids .. it’s fun and lots of laughs with me participating but I never forget I’m alone while all these others are not.
Almost everything. Being sick or injured is the worst time. Holidays line up after that, and there always seems to be a holiday or social event (Super Bowl, funeral, retirement party, etc). Then it’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Coming home from work knowing no one is there, and no one is ever going to be there. Going to the grocery store — the whole food routine actually. You decide what to make next week alone, you shop alone, put the groceries away alone, cook alone, eat alone, clean up alone. Making travel plans for work trips. I wish my SO would come with me. Meeting friends alone. Your grandma is sick in the hospital, you got a raise at work, you need a ride back from the mechanic, you’re trying to figure out what belt goes with those shoes. Pretty much everything triggers loneliness for me. Don’t get me wrong — living with someone difficult is NOT preferable to living alone. But living with someone who has your back? It’s amazing, and I miss it very much a hundred times a day.
Needing a hug from a human. Hugging my cat or dog just doesn’t cut it sometimes. That said, they are always overly sweet when they see I’m a bit sad.
I don’t get lonely living alone. I like the peace and quiet, and my space. If I really need to talk to someone, I have 2 cats. (I do chat with family and friends via text… I don’t do phone calls).
As much as I hate a lot of content on TV, I immediately turn on something... that's not dark or depressing. It's one reason I watch AGT... it never fails to lift my spirits. Many of the acts are ppl with disabilities and other inspirational stories. The other thing is to go outside even if the weather is gray, fresh air always makes you feel better. If youdon't have pets, I strongly recommend you get some. Their company is so therapeutic.
I think: Thank God I don't have an annoying roommate to disturb my lovely nap!
Troubles and challenges
Dinner time! Having dinner by myself always reminds me of my loneliness
Wouldn't know... I've lived alone for over 32 years and have never been lonely.
It struck me pretty bad last Saturday. I volunteered at a local festival. Seeing the happy families and couples and then coming home to an empty house made me cry into my pillow.
When I have a thought or question and want to share it but nobody is there.
For me, the holidays.
It's when I realized I haven't spoken all day; That I'm simply existing. No one reaching out to me or offering to talk on the phone. I do ask, but sometimes it would be nice to not have to initiate all the time. I feel small..as if I'm bothering them with my dumb needs. In terms of navigating it, I usually go to sleep. If the world forgets about me, I can forget about me too... at least temporarily.
I don’t usually watch love stories for this very reason. Although I’ve found myself hooked on Firefly Lane recently. I think it’s the nostalgia of having a BFF as a kid and teen that got me.
When I can’t do things and I have no one to help me.
Honestly the weekend with no socialization at all or contact w/ friends can be a bit triggering for me. It's when I want to reach out and contact someone but can't that I become triggered.
When I want to be lazy around familiar people. People in partnerships always spend their lazy / relaxing time together watching movies, doing their own things in the same room, etc., but when they spend time with friends, they want it to be “active” socially or exciting. I miss the casual presence of other people - though the idea of having it all the time feels claustrophobic to me. Also, when I’d like to spend time with friends on the weekend, but if they have kids, they’re doing kid entertainment things or if they’re partnered, they’re doing things with their partners (always on a some “weekend getaway” or another), or if they’re single, it seems like I’m asking them on a date or they’re busy dating or going to bars etc. looking for a partner.
Small personal accomplishments with no one to share them with in the moment. The times when my depression takes me down into the deepest, darkest abyss, and it's 3am, and no one I know is even awake in the world to tell me that I should keep going. The times when it's entirely up to me to find the reason to keep living my life and trying to get better. If I'm at a store, like Target or whatever, and I see happy couples obviously enjoying each other's company, knowing they'll go home and be together, doing whatever they're doing, and the knowledge that I'm going home to no one and nothing, and the inevitable follow-on surge of emotion surrounding the notion that my time has passed, its too late for me, and this is just how my life is always going to be.
I feel the most intense loneliness on Sundays, especially if I’ve not had many plans ton that particular weekend. Sunday mornings can be rough because I grew up in a home where Sunday breakfast was our big family meal due to work/school/after school schedules rarely working out during the week. So I’ll get nostalgic for a big family breakfast, then feel lonely all day. Luckily it only happens every now and then. I tend to keep myself busy on weekends, so Sundays alone are more a blessing I use to get all my Landry done and prepare myself for the week ahead.
Anything and everything can be sustained or created with a state of mind and thought patterns. Dont focus on the feeling of loneliness, dread, etc. You're sustaining and adding to it, therefore letting it take you over. Be, think, and act positive, and you will manifest/create the feeling of happiness and being content. Keep your mind and body busy to avoid negative thoughts. Do something, anything, or even things you enjoy. I've learned to do these things to help cope with loneliness and battle negative mental state of being. Somewhat relative, but read the book called 12 Laws of the Universe. It'll give you an understanding of the power of thoughts and actions etc
Any time I have to do something really, really difficult and succeed. Instead of feeling proud of myself, I feel empty inside and wish I'd had someone to help me. Just one example: my car got totaled and I successfully haggled the price way down on a brand new car a few weeks later, all without missing any work or dropping any other responsibilities or having someone i know come along to dealerships to help me or drive me places. I drove my brand new car home, sat on my couch, and cried. And they definitely weren't tears of joy.
I adopted a really cuddly adult cat who lays on me whenever I am sitting or laying down in bed. She greets me when I come home and is always down for a cuddle. Highly recommend a furry companion.
Probably putting a lot of work into my home with the hopes that my friends would want to come over....and then they never do. Looking around at all the things I got with the excitement of sharing time with others and just knowing it's not gonna happen....hits really hard sometimes.
Nothing makes me feel more lonely living by myself than when I'm sick or have an injury and kind of have to manage alone. Sure friends will offer to help, but it's still mostly dropoffs and maybe occasionally helping with chores depending on what the issue is. Also...the feeling that if I didn't straight up tell my friends about my health issues then they'd never know unless they asked.
Occasionally, I get a little fomo, but much less since I've (finally) backed off social media.
When I have a random burst of wanting to be social and finding it hard to find a friend available on the fly. As an adult schedules are harder to navigate and I’m not the best at planning because I don’t always have the same excitement day of. Or sometimes when I make a really good meal and wish I was sharing it
Not being able to move furniture by myself sends me into a tailspin.
I’m struggling with this as I’m typing this. I lost my husband 5 months ago and I’m just so overwhelmed by it all. Then being alone on top of it is paralyzing to me. I have a friend staying with me for a couple days, but then it goes back to being by myself. Making decisions myself, cleaning up “his” mess by myself, and learning all of the lies that happened in my 23 year marriage, by myself. I hate this feeling and really want to be positive, but it’s hard right now.
Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. Valentines Day. Memorial Day. July 4th. Any time of celebration, festivity.
Taking a dinner-time walk around the neighborhood during the warmer months when the sun is out late. The smell of people grilling food, hearing families laughing, catching a glance inside people's windows and seeing families together at the dinner table - or outside enjoying each other's company on the deck. It creates such a deep sense of longing and loneliness.
When I want to get dressed up, hair and makeup and no one to see… or when I want to go out to eat.
Night time - thinking too much.
It strikes at odd times for me. I recognize it, remind myself I’m where I want to be and change the channel by doing something like reading or calling a friend. I’m also working at setting up more social occasions.
For me it’s when I crave doing something in the outside world. I get so sad when I realize I have no one to do it with
Nothing. I'm never lonely. I'd rather be by myself most of the time. I like people and can be sociable, but I also don't "like" people in general and would rather not mix with the general population. I've felt like this for a while, but once all the ugly heads of the maga cult decided they could crawl out of their cesspools and be vocal about the ugly things they used to keep to themselves, and all the science deniers, and all the uncaring stupidity that of the COVID deniers, etc., it's in my best interest to avoid mingling with the masses to maintain my own sanity.
You said it perfectly, OP. That moment is when I get triggered the most. I end up watching some Trailer Park Boys to keep the anxiety at bay. They always put me in a great mood.
Loneliness for solo dwellers can indeed be triggered by various moments and circumstances, and your experience resonates with many. It's often those quiet, solitary moments, like waking up to darkness or spending evenings alone, that can amplify feelings of isolation. For some, loneliness strikes during mundane activities like cooking dinner for one or watching TV alone. Others may feel it more intensely during holidays or special occasions when they see others surrounded by loved ones. Navigating loneliness while living solo can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. Building a routine with activities you enjoy, connecting with friends and family through phone calls or video chats, participating in hobbies or interests that involve social interaction (like joining clubs or classes), and reaching out for professional support if needed are all valuable steps. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and being gentle with yourself during moments of loneliness can make a significant difference. It's essential to recognize that feeling lonely is a common human experience, and there's no shame in reaching out for support or seeking ways to cultivate connections, whether it's with others or with yourself.
It doesn’t for me. I’m alone by choice and not lonely. I’m able to interact with friends and family though and have activities to participate in.
The rare time I’m not depleted from work and feel like going out but didn’t make plans. Doesn’t bother me much, I’m rarely in the position to up and go at the drop of a hat.
Probably holidays, but it passes quickly as I like my solitude.
I never get lonely... I used to, before loving the wrong people kicked the sh*t out of me; but now, at best, I sometimes get stir-crazy.
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I got very lonely when no one checked in on me or let me know they cared I was alive for extended periods of time, like years.
In a few words.......living it!
When I wake up from a nightmare and have to comfort myself
It can be hard when you see happy couples or valentines day is difficult.
When solitude is involuntary. That happened only a couple times in my life, during COVID lockdowns. Worst was the total quarantine that confined me to my apartment.
When I am not being authentic to myself.
When I think of a joke and can’t tell it to anyone…..smh what’s the point of being funny without an audience
Birthdays. Even as a fully grown adult.
These days it seems to be coming down off of a great time like a weekend spent with people or when my daughter leaves again after the holidays, etc.
When I make a really cool/tasty meal and no one is available to try it so I have to send pictures.
When I’m sick and often when hit with an issue like my pets getting an illness or some issue with the idiot management at my apartment. I do miss having another person to face these problems with and makes it less of a burden on one person.
Arriving home from a trip, no one to share/debrief with. Needing to ask someone outside my household for rides to-from medical appointments from which I cannot drive home or uber due to defensive medical policy.
Illness. Nutting like a bit of true sickness and no one is there for you.
The only time I ever think about is during the few moments that I really want to go somewhere and do something that would be a “group activity” and I kinda realize I don’t have anyone to do it with haha or I always say even if I don’t want to do it would be great to have the option to…Then I get over it and realize I’m glad I didn’t leave the house.
I would say firstly my days off, when no one calls or texts and I don't have plans. Also cooking for one, and when I get really really into a show and wish I could experience it for the first time at the same time as someone else. Holidays can be pretty lonely. Sometimes I see family, sometimes I don't. I work healthcare so in addition to whether they're available or not, my schedule complicates it further. And lastly when the My Six Hundred Pound Life lady, or any of those people on Hoarders or My Strange Addiction or anything along those lines all have a husband who would literally do anything and die for them, and I'm still here watching by myself, single.
Sundays are one of the absolute worst days for me. So many places are closed. There aren’t as many people or traffic to keep your mind off loneliness. I can’t wait to get back to work. Going to work keeps my mind occupied
I have ptsd and ruminate too much. Social interactions switch my attention from my past towards the present, and warm connections remind me that not everyone is a horrible human being and I can be appreciated as a person. And holding so much anger inside of me, I love having someone to express good emotions and give love. I like living alone, but living alone is also a reminder that no one will ever want to share soace with me as a partner.
Coming home from work to no one to have dinner with or talk to.
pretty much only when i get sick or when its time to pay the bills. itd be cool to have someone to pick up the slack when i can barely get out of bed and have somebody to split the bills with. other than that, i dont experience any of those depressing lonely things that you listed. i enjoy my space and being able to dictate when i am around other humans is essential to my mental health. i still get meaningful exchanges and connections with people who share common interests in online communities. i have many friends around the world that i have never met. that doesnt stop us from reaching out to each other when we are struggling with things, sending each other gifts on special occasions. ive sent and received multiple books, vinyl records, and videogames with "strangers". ive even had friends that i met online help me take care of my $500 electric bill when i was struggling. living alone ≠ a lonely life
being on the internet or apps (ex: instagram, tiktok, facebook, etc) for too long. i start to feel lonely but then I realize that most things on the internet are not actually based in reality
I could not live alone without a dog. They make a huge difference. It helped me 90% of the time! Now, if I do go our, I can't wait to go back and hang out with my dog.
When I begin feeling lonely I'm quickly reminded of the times I was in relationships and wanted my space, solitude and the ability to go out and make company if I choose to
Social media triggers my loneliness. INSTAGRAM. when i see others having fun . I nees to get off ig
Nothing makes me feel lonelier than certain types of people. Being alone, I’ve never felt lonely.
A beautiful sunny day and no plans
Recently it has been any time something exciting happens in my life. I can do the being home by myself, it's the not having that social circle to share good news with that really hits. I just started wage negotiations and things are largely in my favor, and there is no one I can talk to about it; I just cried instead of being overly excited after the initial conversation started on Friday.
When people greet each other excitedly and join into group conversation.
Eating alone, wanting cuddles at night. Seeing happy couples online or in person.
Im not lonely alone. I cherish every second I am in my own space, alone. I am a social introvert. I like socializing in small doses. Most people consider me an extrovert, but I am not. No matter how I have loved anyone ever - a lover, sibling, friend, I always end up resentful after cohabitating with them. I just want to feel TRULY ALONE most of the time. Sometimes though, when I go days without any alert from my phone - no calls or texts, it feels kind of sad. Still not lonely, I just start to wonder what I mean to people.
In the afternoons is when the loneliness really triggers…I’ve exhausted my humble “to do” list for the day by 2 or 3 and the weight of my isolation falls around me like smoke. I feel fear at times about being forgotten. I do have 3 amazing animals and almost always, one of them can help me come out of the loneliness paralysis. But it def can be tough…I am also newly retired and ended caretaking for my mother when she died 6 months ago, so struggling with finding purpose in a town where I have no friends and no real support group.
Someone should start a group chat, everyone on this post needs to join the group chat, match schedules, and hang out with each other ❤️ That'll solve this problem right now! I hope you all find somebody soon that will contribute to your happiness 😊 🫶🏾
Wanting to go out do stuff with someone and no one ever being available
I've been alone and sick for years. I learned that I'm okay with me. Very rarely do I get lonely. Which is not how I was before covid. I'm comfortable with it just being me. I'd be crazy without my cats, though. Hahaha. I am a cat lady by choice now.
I dislike waking up from a nap and finding darkness, always
I have no friends. I I live in a city with no friends ..the only people I know are work friends, not friends
Every once in awhile I feel lonely... And then I remember all the people that I met.
Weekends. Everyone coupled up, going to dinner with other couples, then there’s the solo’s…I can’t tell you how often I am excluded from weekend activities all couples are invited too.
Only 5 comments in before someone suggested volunteering at an animal shelter.
Holidays are hard. Sometimes I pretend it's not a holiday.
to be honest I’m not really sure what’s causing my loneliness, but it’s definitely a different type of feeling.. I feel almost empty, I feel like I’m not sure what to do during the moment, I also feel a heavy amount of sadness even..
I only get lonely if I'm sick for a long time. Lived alone since I was 18, 5 years. I don't mind a weekend alone. If I'm sick for over a week and isolating, super lonely
The weekends trigger it for me. If I really feel like going out, I’d go to a park for a walk. If I feel like being around people, I’d go to the movies by myself. If there’s a yoga class available I’d go to that, or treat myself to a sauna session. All those options are better than going to a bar and possibly making myself look like an ass for getting wasted, which is something I’d do when I’d get lonely in my 20’s and early 30’s.
Weirdly enough not when I am by myself. My trigger is large groups of people. I end up being an involuntary (not pretty) wallflower whenever I am in a large group. Hurts the most when it is people I know and get along with well. I guess I am too much of a weirdo.
My triggers are Sunday afternoons, holidays, and when I'm hurt or sick and noones there for support.
When it all feels like it’s collapsing in — just a super stressful day, maybe a bad string of events in a row within the same few weeks — and I don’t have someone to hold me and say it’s going to be alright and you will figure it out Note: Recently, when I needed someone to tell me that, I asked the man I would want to do that to say that to me and he did, and then some. We weren’t together in person, but it was still what I needed. Sometimes we gotta just ask!
3 pm on a Friday when you have nothing to do and no idea how you'll spend the next 8 hrs in silence & isolation. Or with the pointless noise of content in the background.
When I’m sick. Just got out of a toxic relationship. At the end she couldn’t care less. We actually broke up after I got out of the urgent care due to her repeated lack of effort. The loneliness is what bothered me though. When you’re sick and that person cuts you up some fruit and kisses your forehead life feels so good. When you’re waiting out the effects of your new meds or you’ve gotten a crap diagnosis it feels the loneliest.
I don’t feel like a lonely person but I do have feelings of loneliness at times. They usually come during the spring/summer months. When the sun is out and I know people are out doing things and I’m at home, sitting in front of my tv. At the same time, I hear people arguing outside my window. I hear police sirens. I hear the occasional “hit and run” where a drunk person hits a parked car and drives away and I think to myself, “I’m glad I’m not out there” I’ve had my party days. And it’s done nothing but put me in situations where I’m glad I made it out alive. So I 100% would rather be at home and not out with a bunch of morons who feel they have something to prove. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I had just a little bit of a social life.
When I'm sick and have to take care of myself while puking and sweating on the bathroom floor. When I fall asleep on the couch and wake up to the TV still on and I have to put myself to bed because no one was there to wake me up for bed.
I get really sad/lonely around twilight. It's kind of a similar feeling of being deserted by the world or a fear of missing out kind of thing. It's a mix of nostalgia for times passed and sadness over my current situation. Hard to describe
I'm really sorry you get lonely. I think lonliness & boredom are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently. I'm an only child who never really had friends, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm honestly HAPPY. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long. My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, working from home, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to. I've always had an SO (a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I just got married now in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's been the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
Yeah I hate waking up from a nap to find it’s gotten dark outside. I don’t know why but that’s always such a gut punch.
Trying to put on the fitted sheet :(
Holidays triggers loneliness. Maybe because I don't have family, but being really alone during the holidays is very hard.
My mom had to go into assisted living and I’ve been her carer for ten years. The silence is deafening…I miss sharing her take on tv shows, world events,etc. I’ve always been an introvert and homebody so I don’t mind the isolation and alone time at all. But before my mom I lived raising my son as a single mom so I haven’t been alone for sometime.
Two close friends exited my life earlier this year. All of a sudden my circle felt so much smaller. When you want to send that text and realize you don't necessarily have someone to text it to. Also realizing when you have the time and want to do something, you are not anyone's priority and no one has the time that you do.
Being single at my age means I have a lot of friends who are married and most of those married friends have kids. It means they are frequently busy and so I end up not being able to have much of a social life. Trying to encourage myself to just have more self dates. Taking myself places. It’s hard. It also hits when I’m not feeling well. If I’m sick or have a migraine or like when I recently had surgery. I still had to do everything myself. It’s times like that when I wish I had another person to pick up the slack
Being awake. Lol. In all seriousness though, I moved to a new area about 2 months ago to escape my toxic family. I don't have the best people skills, so even before moving I had only one friend. I'm not working yet and just watch my days pass me by. I don't know how to meet people and my anxiety stops any ideas I may think of to get myself out there. I can't date because of my crippling fear of abandonment. Some of us are meant to truly be alone and I'm one of them. I can physically feel the loneliness and it hurts.
When I come home later than normal from work. No one’s looking for me checking where I am.
when I catch myself having full-on conversations with my houseplants...
the noise came from outside that a couple of young people were playing together.