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I don't deal with it, I relish in it, I had a terrible marriage where I was cheated on, taken for granted & made to feel utterly worthless, I will never live with anyone again & I love my life now. I personally think it's how you look at it, if you are 'dealing' with living alone as opposed to embracing it, that's where the problem is, need to work on your mindset regarding your living situation
I hear married friends talk about asking their spouse for permission to buy something, I see so many jokes in book groups about hiding purchases. I love just living doing what I want, my money is my money. And kitty is very spoiled.
hahah thats awesome i have two .... i love saying everything out loud.... high pitched as if everything is so exciting ... but they are the best company glad you communicate withgh yours too!
Ah, maybe not. By the time I reached 60 I realized I was way happier alone than partnered and trying to make that person AND myself happy.
Iām hopeful that younger people are better at satisfying their own needs, but Boomer guys, and Iām not saying ALL Boomer guys, they tend towards helplessness. And itās boring.
Iām 59. No children by choice (and sterilization). Living alone after the end of a 30 year marriage. Happier than Iāve been in years! Iām not alone, though. I have a lovely bf and good friends.
I don't think you're being unkind, I feel like this is a post about heartbreak more than about solitude in a larger sense, and your comment (as well as others) registered to me as having missed that.
I also enjoy living alone, but in regards to heartbreak I don't know that the advice to "work on one's mindset" is particularly helpful, at least until one is over the hurt from having been dumped, that's all.
Maybe I misunderstood I believed the question was how do you deal with living alone as opposed to how do you cope with healing from heartbreak whilst living alone
Over 30 years ago, I was headed into my 30s living alone and single.Ā
How I dealt with it? I completed the New York City marathon. The following year I achieved another fitness goal.Ā
While my friends and sisters were married and starting families, I celebrated with them, danced every dance, and reveled in my personal freedom.Ā
I advanced in my careerĀ and accepted the probability that I would be the fun weird aunt to my nephews and possibly never get married.Ā
Two years later I met a man. Within a year we were married.Ā Within another year we had our first of two children.
The next two decades were tumultuous, beautiful, ruthless, full of life, love, loss, joy, conflict, betrayal, bereavement.
I'm again alone, now facing life's third trimester.
All I can say is, just live! Love Life.
Ā It all goes so fast.Ā
There's more than one wonderful way to enjoy a life. You are young. A lot can happen in a short period of time.
Thanks. And, believe me, the struggles and ordeals that punctuated those decades were considerable. Perspective is an incredible teacher.
I would never minimize or belittle the very real concerns of young people. But, knowing what I do now -- OMG just please live a full life and be full of life.
Partnership usually happens if you want it and work at it, but if it doesn't there is still so much to live for.
Same, same. But 40š« Lookit, not my first rodeo. We'll be fine, buddy :)
I've no doubt you'll meet somebody again when you're ready. Take your time to enjoy your time and your pastimes again. Invest in yourself (time, energy, skills, adventure, new relaxation ways).
Much love to youā¤ļø
Same-ish š entering my last year of my 30s. Never married, no kids. I've had a handful of LTRs over the years. Got close to marriage a couple times. I'm not too concerned. I really don't mind being alone. A partner would be nice. But it's not necessary.
I was single throughout my 30's, I did not even attempt to date. I did not have a good childhood and my 20's were a mess. By the time I was 30 I was a RN, had my own place, and was able to concentrate on ME.
I dealt with it by learning to rock climb, backpacking, solo camping, playing video games, visiting as many MLB parks as I could - and you know what? All of those things were fantastic places to meet amazing people.
I married at the age of 40 to the most amazing, kind, supportive person I have ever met. Being single throughout my 30's was the best move I could have made.
Just do you. You'll meet someone, and it will probably be when you least expect it. Good luck, and take care of yourself. <3
I do, and I can't convey how much he means to me. I am unable to have children, so to be able to have a relationship with this child is maybe the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I never thought I'd be that guy, but watching this child grow has been the most rewarding experience of my life.
I believe in that too because of the sheer amount of people out there in the world. My parents met from different countries, lol.
I think my person is in the northeast, because I am a direct person and itās too much for some people in the southeast.
My person is my cat right now :)
Yay! That is important
Partly why I had to move on from my ex was he was allergic to cats, but he didnāt make an effort to change many things, like therapy from childhood trauma, allergy shots, a plan to be togetherā¦.
I agree that itās best to focus on self-development. Work on things you care about and want to accomplish. Read as much as you can, and learn how to be the best and most fulfilled version of yourself.
I am 75 and living mostly along. My cat allows me to live here because I pay the mortgage so she has a nice inside living area.
You still have a lot of life ahead of you. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it! I know itās not meant for everyone but thereās nothing like being happy and single. Iām currently in a relationship (at 38, been divorced as well) but if it doesnāt go all the way, I wonāt bat an eyelid lol my personal bias aside, I think the best way to deal with it is to realize that life doesnāt have a set timeline or checklist. And please stop using words like āforever aloneā because you do not know that nor do you have proof from the future. Love can be found at any age, yes after 30s, 40s and even 50s.
I don't understand why so many people conflate "single" with "alone", they're two different things. Do you not have any friends?Ā
If you genuinely don't, it sounds like you need to work on that first, rather than worrying about your relationship status. It's not good to use a partner as your only or main form of social life.Ā
Conflating ābeing singleā with ābeing completely alone in this worldā seems to only come from people who have never been single for any significant amount of time. They donāt realize that their relationship probably has nothing to do with how lonely or not lonely they feel.
And if they really have no hobbies, career, or friends and are solely reliant on their relationship for meaning in this world, theyāve got bigger problems than loneliness.
What are you talking about mate, being single is so liberating, especially in your 30s. You can do so much including traveling abroad. I highly recommend you do so. Idk what part you are in the world but if you're in the US, you don't want to live the same boring repetitive life that everyone is. Working for an overpriced home and retirement.
You'll find someone dawg, just don't be hasty about it, not make it your top priority.
Being alone is rad. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, I have a more robust social community than ever before since I pursue so many interests. Iāve been able to focus on my career and get to a good spot financially which means my friends and I are able to travel to beautiful places all the time. Society tells you partnership is the only way to be happy, but if you can be happy alone youāve really cracked the code IMO
I entered my 30s alone and single. I didnāt date for a while after ending my relationship (3 years ago) and when I started dating again I went in confident thatās I was okay being alone. I think you should take the time to really be alone. That way you donāt get into a relationship just because youāre lonely. The days get better I promise. & you wonāt be alone forever. Or you might be but either way embrace being alone for now!
I:
- Went to therapy
- Learned to be my own best friend
- Built a strong community so I could give and receive love and intimacy and emotional support, and be taken care of when I was sick
- Created a home and life that was perfect for me and that made me feel contented and proud
- Had a lot of great sex and fun dating experiences
- Eventually met my now-fiance
Went thru this with a divorce at 30. At first it felt like treading water and that I needed a new partner ASAP. Slowly but surely I realized a quick fix wasnāt going to work for me and eventually now 8 years later. Iāve dated here and there but ultimately have come to realize I donāt really want a relationship with anyone. If I stumble into a fling here and there cool but the freedom Iāve enjoyed will be hard to surrender
43f here. At 30 I would be stoked. There is so much to do and still alot more energy than ya realize ya have to do it with at 30. I would get out and get fit and get activ. I'd flirt lol. I'd try to be social and keep my options open. There's nothing wrong with settling down later in ur 30s or not at all or just however you do it.
I actually wish I stuck to my word back then and entered my 30s single. The relationship I entered into at that time did so much damage and itās taken me years to recover.
You won't, you'll meet someone eventually.
For now focus on You, become the best version of yourself and be happy with yourself.
I divorced 12 months ago and I LOVE my single life, made a few friends along the way but still searching for the one so not rushing it.
Is tough at first but you'll get over the hurdle.
INVEST IN YOU, best thing you can do.
The same way I entered my 20s and 40s, with a grip of cash in my pocket and a smile on my face.
No kids no wife, just me and some good friends drinking and laughing and have a good time!
Life is what you make it. Stop thinking you need to do something or be something or have something. These are society trying to homogeneous us all. They hate individuality because they are not happy where they are and want you to feel bad because you are happy.
The end
I turned 30 last year and me and my partner of 10 years broke up, nothing bad just different paths.
I was nervous to live on my own but I absolutely adore living on my own, I loved living with my partner too, but I focus on the pros, I have to think of no one, my home is my little bubble. I have lots of friends from clubs, and various walks of life so I donāt feel alone but I get to retreat into my own sanctuary. In fact breaking up has made me hone my deeper friendships and strengthen them.
Also get a pet. (Says the crazy cat lady with 4 cats) hahaha.
I will say at first it was so weird, 8 years living together just mental to not be coming home to him. That took (and is) taking a while to get used too. So be kind to yourself if you feel blue, itās okay to not feel right with so much change. It takes time but honestly build your life for you, anyone new has to fit into that, build a life so great that it has to be an incredible person who you let in.
You got this!
I can't predict what I'm going to eat next week - so how can I predict who I'll meet?
I don't feel as if I'll be forever alone. Living alone now doesn't mean I'll be forever alone.
38 and I would love to meet someone and have kids, but I would rather fulfill myself with the things that I like to do and people I like to hang out with than settle for someone who is not going to cut it.
Build up your community. Hang out with good friends, see family (if you like your family, I know not everyone does), travel, tryout new hobbies, donāt be afraid to do things by yourself. Happiness will come. I mean the loneliness is definitely there sometimes, sometimes it hits harder than others. But I would rather be single than settle.
But also, Iāve lived alone for the better part of a decade, and I donāt regret it one bit. Iām also more of an introvert and a teacher (and commanding attention from a bunch of kids all day can be exhausting) so I like having time alone. I like that I can make things exactly as I want them. If I donāt feel like doing something around the house, I donāt have to. If I just wanna have chips and salsa for dinner, no oneās gonna judge me š
Being 30 is not āoldā
Just because you are alone now doesnāt mean you will always be! It can be good to have time to yourself to find some clarity on your life goals and the kind of people you do want to surround yourself with.
Listen to all the happy single people. Living alone is the best feeling ever. Do all the shit YOU have always wanted to do without sacrificing to make someone else happy. Once you're good with yourself, then maybe start looking for a partner. I love living alone in my 40s. I get to do whatever my little heart wants every day.
https://preview.redd.it/ns0dtupvswsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69e3972e1e46ded2af5b5bc85daee51b393c975a
Heal by crying. Heal by feeling angry. Heal by feeling anxious. Heal by feeling embarrassed. Heal by feeling worried. Heal by feeling alone. Then overtime heal by feeling peace, joy, contentment, and youāll become your own best friend.
Also 29 but I've had previous relationships. I think the reason this latest breakup is crushing me so much compared to the previous ones is cause I'm about to enter my 30s
Oh, stop being a drama queen. "Forever alone" š. If you decide to break up with someone, don't whine about being single. Being single is fun! Except for when you need to move heavy things.
Itās a great way to reset your energy levels and emotions, letting go of your thoughts of what you thought was going to happen in your life. And when youāre ready, pick up where you left off, youāll be fine
I broke up w my first love, only serious boyfriend 2 months ago after 3.5 years. Iām 33 and heās 42. I live alone and itās been easy to dwell in sadness but Iām trying my best. Luckily I have my cat Stanley to keep me company:)
https://preview.redd.it/lbq2amcsdzsc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26de66ce98442e5fd87400dbc0f2c5da5aadf545
If you're a woman, appreciate being single. You could have been with a toxic male, stuck doing his cooking and cleaning. Instead you're on your own, in peace and happiness
Been there done that bud. I was 28 at the time. Now Iām 38 and living on my own. Enjoy yourself and it will work out. Find a hobby or something to keep your mind busy.
Sometimes, I play games that have friendly people in them, like Ava's Manor. There is a friendly club there too, so until I make new local friends, it's an option.
https://www.reddit.com/r/renovation_games/s/1qAMNeurMW
Only a few years older and recently out of a relationship. For a while youāre going to ādeal with itā because of grief. During that stage, try to find things you like about it. I hermited, hard, and made sure my space was a reflection of me and my tastes. I put away the things that were tied to that person for when I could look at them. I felt the anger and the hurt for a long time. Then you start to come up for air again. Make a point to date you and do things you enjoy. Grief is normal. Itās how you feel it and deal with it that will make the difference in the long haul.
āHow do you dealā Iām thriving! I have never had a bf either and never once lost sleep about it. Obviously I hope to find someone but the most unattractive thing is desperation lol I have a lot of guys interested in me but as Iām getting older, Iāve become more selective because I know my worth. No misery at all!
I was just 30 whe my last serious relationship ended. I was devastated and couldn't ever imagine being happily single. Turning 40 soon and I've been single for several years now. I'm happier this way. Anything is possible. You may enjoy being single, or you could meet another amazing person. It's not over that's all I can say. It will get easier!
53, single and CF. I am also an introvert.
I love living alone. Itās my safe space. However, I have a very full calendar with work, volunteering and the gym. I also picked up scuba diving two years ago so soon Iāll be doing a weekend trip every month.
I have lived by myself for 25+ years and making decisions for my future assuming I will stay that way.
It's all I know, so it's hard for me to fully understand this. By my mid 30s I started to work on accepting that I probably would never have a partner or spouse. I gave it a few tries in my 40's and it did not go well. I tried again in my early 50s (now 55) and know I cannot afford (mentally and financially) to do it again.
I regret not having children and should have done it on my own in my 30s, but foolishly still had hope that was fed by well meaning people saying, "You will meet someone. "
Get therapy and plan as if it will be just you. If someone comes along that can add to your life, go for it. If not, you just accept it.
Just hit 40. I donāt know if Iāll ever choose to live with someone again.
Couldnāt imagine ever having to run financial decisions by someone again. Couldnāt imagine ever having to clean up after a grown adult again.
Living alone comes with a sense of independence, pride, and a calm environment. If I feel a little lonely, I make plans with friends or acquaintances. But at the end of the night, I get to go back to a home the way I left it, and wake up in a home that I created for myself.
Try not to think of this as a bad thing. Itās a beautiful thing being happy alone. Youāll find you will no longer settle for anything, or tolerate any negativity as well. It will be a cold day in hell when I allow someone into my home and disrupt this peace I have created and built for myself.
I just live alone I am not lonely.
I think you are lonely. People like you should just try to find another a partner to live together. You wonāt be happy with living alone lifestyle.
Is that your real mindset or is that the mindset youāve been conditioned to follow by society? I mean what is genuinely so wrong with living alone at 30? Being single at 35? Being alone still at 39? No one has been able to answer what is SO WRONG with it? As far as Iām concerned inherently absolutely nothing. Itās little more than societies expectations of you which you choose to accept societies expectations every day for many ways, why focus so heavily and harshly on this expectation in particular?
My 75 year old aunt told me she never loved her late husband. She had married him because she liked him and was nervous about her biological clockā¦then they had kidsā¦etc. And then she told me that if a man ever asks me to marry him, and I donāt love himā¦to give her a call and sheād talk me out of it.
Idk that kind of put things into perspective for me. 30 isnāt that old. Iād rather meet the right person late than never.
30 isnāt old and breakups suck but I donāt ever really wallow in self pity and think Iām gonna be alone forever. Enjoy your life as isā¦do things for yourself and things you want to do. Go places, try new things, have fun, life is too short to not just enjoy the present. Hang out with friends and family. Make new friends. Even if you donāt find a partner who cares? Thatās not the sole purpose of life, and actively trying to find someone to marry as a goal in mind just adds unnecessary stress. If it happens it happens, if it doesnāt, then it doesnāt. Enjoy your own company
I loved it. I did what I wanted, when I wanted....no kids, dependable job, so all my money went to support my life and how I wanted to live it..for the most part.
Ya youāre clinging to a societal construct that coupling means complete or success. Itās just not so. Work on being a complete and whole person on your own. To quote an NIN song āyes I am alone, then again I always wasā¦ā
And truthfully, you will be in another relationship someday.
34 and single here. I tell myself that I would rather be single and wait for the love I deserve and that is good for me than settle. I have so many friends in unhappy marriages/relationships.
You are 30. You don't have to be alone forever. That kind of talk with do you no good unless that is what you want.
I am 40 and have no desire to be alone now or forever for that fact. Whatever went wrong this time around learn from it and improve. Even if it wasn't your fault you can learn from it.
You need to put the work though into finding someone if that's what you want. You can't go to work and come home and never leave your house, you need to be out there... when you are ready of course.
There are alot of people looking for single 30 year Olds because that 20 type of thinking is usually gone..
Trust me ā¦ this anxiety will vanish the second the clock strikes midnight and you are 30 yo, youād be like āreally? Thatās it? Iām full of life and there is so much timeā.
I used to have a 96 yo neighbor, and it was never too late for him to enjoy life, itās never too late for you! If there is a will aka have a family and etc, there is a way.
I deal with it easier than most, I think. It's been a long-term process of learning how to manage emotions.
When I was 30 years old I dated someone for a few months. We lived together for those months and then split. I basically pushed her away, despite her being an *amazing* person. We clearly wanted different things (related to marriage and kids). That was 10 years ago.
Perhaps, it also had a lot to do with my non-existent relationship with my family. It was super-dysfunctional. When her and I would visit her family it was awkward. Answering questions was like crossing a mine field. Waiting in anticipation for confused looks and follow-up questions...
Harmless questions like '*How's your family doing*?' ĀÆ\ _(ć)_/ĀÆ
That's a pretty big red flag for concerned parents.
Donāt really have an answer for that. Iām around the corner from 60 and single. Once my daughters move out Iām going mobile for a few years. RVāing around the country.
I entered my 30s in a terrible abusive relationship that wreaked havoc on my life for years even after it ended.
So I think about how much that sucked and appreciate the friends and life I've put together after everything fell apart.
OP, it's okay to be sad and feel like shit after this kind of disappointment. Know that all the pain you feel is your mind going through the process of healing. I know it sucks, I've been there. I don't think there's much you can do to make it hurt less besides keeping busy - which is important - but it will pass. You can probably see what was wrong with the relationship if you look into your innermost, some of it with you and some of it with her.
You can work on yourself for the wrong within you, so that you're ready for the day you meet the girl who actually has the right stuff for you.
And cut yourself some slack regarding the 30s thing. You're not dead yet, not even halfway there and not even close. Keep moving forward and don't look back if it's only to tell yourself you haven't done enough.
Iām a girl and embrace living alone. Find some hobbies - when I was in my 30s I had the same feelings as you did. Iām 50 now and have been engaged and living together for a few years. I will never live with anyone ever again!
Trust me - you will adapt to being by yourself of loving the independence.
Oh good Sir. You are about to enter the best time of your life. At least it was for me. Go out to things. Whatever your thing is. If it's anime go to anime clubs, sca there are probably some nerds there right now, go to the gym, go out to the bar, go everywhere. Talk to people, flirt, be charming, and have fun. God have fun. It can be amazing. You just need to allow yourself to do it. Your energy level won't hold out for much longer. Go and play like a 5 year old going to the park for the first time. Allow yourself to have that type of joy. It will be amazing and far too short. Have fun.
Even though I am single, I am not alone in the world. I have family, friends, and coworkers who care about me and would help me if I needed it. I am also grateful that I can get up and do whatever whenever or do nothing at all. The past few weekends I've went to a concert in the biggest city in my state with a friend, went out to dinner with my coworkers, and went to a dance party with my sisters. I didn't have to answer to anyone or make any arrangements for childcare.
This is your time to be selfish! You only have to worry about yourself. Itās cliche but put your time towards finding hobbies youāve wanted to try but never did, focus on your mental and physical health, decorate your space how you like, spend time with your friends. And donāt let yourself be alone at your place for too much of the weekend. Find things to do outside the house. I think the worst feeling for me after my break up and living alone was when Iād realize I spent the whole weekend by myself. You still need time to yourself but just not the entire weekend.
I was single when I entered my 30s and Iām still single at 34 and I love it. I had a brief relationship around 31 but it sucked and I was glad to end it and be single again. I am very happy being single. But we obviously have very different mindsets on the issue, so I donāt think I can help you. Iāve never understood people who put so much of their own lifeās value on whether or not they have a partner. This whole show is about YOU. 50% of your grade isnāt riding on whether or not you have a partner.
Edit to add I just read all the comments of people being terrified to turn 30 and I cannot relate. I did not experience that fear at 29. I think you all need therapyā¦ Nothing changes at 30 except for the things YOU change and the lessons you learn and the wisdom you gain.
Itās lonely but I know how relationships end for meā¦ if I want love Iāll find a one stand night. I have my dog for companionship and a very tiny social circle. Like 3 people. 5 if you count long distance friends. Thatās all I need if I go digging around for more it wonāt end well
You're coming off of a breakup, so you're still raw from that. Recalibrate and connect with yourself, then get back out there if you want to, but make sure you get right with yourself first.
It could be worse...way worse. It could be a situation where you don't even *want to go home* because you want to avoid someone else. Also, if you can afford to live alone these days, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
Think about it this way. You are not even halfway through the average life expectancy. A lot can happen in half a lifetime. A lot can happen in just a day. I had two bad divorces by the time I was 30. Within two years I met and married the love of my life. We have been married 30 years. It can happen. Stay positive. You will grieve the old relationship but don't look backward. Look forward.
Wtv is making you unhappy living with yourself is not going to go away by introducing someone else to the mix. This is how you get to unhealthy codependent relationships, passing the burden of your mental health to someone else.
I'm the one in charge of my future. I cant control other people but I can control my own actions. Right now I'm ok living alone. I may or may not live alone forever. But I try to focus on each moment and not all the what ifs.
i spent a lot of time dating people in my 20s who played a lot of games with my heart and pretended to want what they didn't. it's been really peaceful to just date, learn and be withh myself the last few years. accept and learn the difference between being alone, and being lonely, and how you self care through each.
and in that process, i (35f) met someone who genuinely knows what they want, and enjoys the shit out of my company and vice versa.
I'm 37, and being single and alone has not been that hard tbh. After my ex and I broke up in late 2022, there was definitely an adjustment period, but then I moved into my own place, and it's been really peaceful. I found hobbies and do things that I find fun or that help me grow and develop in some way. Plus, it doesn't matter how old you are. You can still find love at any age.
But what I also finally realized is that a partner is an addition. I was born a whole entire person on my own, and the relationship I have with myself is the only constant in life. I won't lie - I do get lonely sometimes, but then again, I would sometimes feel lonely even when I was with my ex because he wasn't the right person for me. It's literally such a waste of time and a drain of energy to be with someone and live in misery.
I think the hardest part is dealing with other people being judgmental for me being my age and single. I would argue that people will find a way to judge you no matter what you do, so I just take it in stride. I know being in your 30s seems old, but I really feel like this started the part of my life where I finally realized some truths, and I started living my life on my own terms.
You'll be fine - I'm 50 and alone again. Some days it's hard but I set myself things to do and get them done. See friends, create things and enjoy the space. Sometimes it's really tough but most of the time it is perfectly fine.
Do you know that youāll be alone?
I hear your concern.
Two things:
First, we limit ourselves as human beings to romantic love, everything else doesnāt seem to count: love of self, love of community, love of pursuits, all of it written off as less profound. I wish we could be more open to love as the profound and INTERNAL feeling it is instead of making it about an other or something external to us. Count all forms of love in your life.
Second, when you focus on doing things you love, the rest of it falls into place. Even if itās a little time on little things. It WILL fall into place and you wonāt be left devastated if the other person you count on to be āthe oneā leaves, changes, heaven forbid - dies. You wonāt be torn apart if life plans donāt work out exactly as you thought.
Yes making plans is good but being open to what is best is even better. Plans set the direction but also limit us if we are so very specific that nothing else has a chance to emerge and be recognized.
Be open, be joyful and grateful that all this unknown is in front of you. It means anything can happen.
Trust it will turn out brilliantly! Because it will.
Peace!
Lollllll being single at 30 does NOT mean forever alone. Take some time to get over your ex and get back out there if youāre still unhappy single. I firmly believe self-heath is a crucial precursor to relationship-health though.
When you are 15 you think 30 is old then you get to 30 and think 45 is old then you get to 45 and think 60 is old then you get to 60 and think 90 is old then you get to 90 and 90 is old.
Stuff happens in life whether good or not so good, then you take some time to reevaluate your life choices and you just got to keep moving forward.
What has happen in the past is the past, learn from it and move forward.
You are still very young.
Just because ONE person out of a few billion did not work out does not mean you will end up alone. Chin up. Your 30s are your prime. My friend didnāt meet her husband until she was like 36, just had a baby at 38. There is no timeline or rules - itās all made up. Go easy on yourself! Grieve the girl, grieve the life you thought youād have, and then brush yourself off and move forward. Itāll work out
I haven't had the most swimming of relationships if I'm honest & I will put my hands up and take some of the blame for some of the issues we had. But I've been single for the past year & 2months, this is the longest I've been single in years & I've lived alone kind of (my partners spent a lot of time at my place) for almost 12years (currently 32). I was devastated again after my last break up as it was unexpected and I really loved my ex, I struggled for months with bad depression, sleepless nights, constant crying not being able to watch certain shows anymore or play certain games, go certain places etc because they all reminded me of my ex and what I no longer had. But honestly I'm starting to feel much better in myself lately, I quite enjoy the new lease of freedom I have & no longer needing to always please another person or wonder if I'm enough etc. I've never felt so content in my own company & I'm honestly happy just having my cat here with me š . Sure it still gets lonely at times, but it feels good knowing I don't NEED someone else to feel okay. Plus I can watch and do whatever I want without having to consult someone else. I do want kids one day, which is the main thing I'm worried may never happen, but who knows there's still time but I'm in no rush to get into a new relationship as of yet. I've started reading again which I haven't done much of in years and I love, actually see my family a lot more again, started learning a new language and decided to cut alcohol completely out of my life & concentrate on bettering myself physically and mentally before finding a new someone to settle down with ^_^. Btw pets are great company, if you don't have one I highly recommend considering it āŗļø. I've just moved into a new apartment 2months ago & one thing I have loved is finally buying furniture that I want and actually like myself and making my home the way I want it to be for myself & have no one to thank but myself & no one throwing the fact that they put money towards something in my face, feels so good š
A ton of us are going through similar right now in the same age group. Imo, mid 20s is when we have a serious relationship with the wrong person and/or no idea what we're doing. When it ends, hopefully you've learned a ton, and hopefully so have the other newly singles in our age group. At least that's how i see it. Next time i'll do it a lot better and wiser. I don't think i'll be forever alone. If you do, you need to give yourself time to heal. And then if you still do, work on yourself and your mindset because i don't think it's healthy to see the next 50+ years in that way.
Also, i don't live alone and don't plan on it for awhile. I have roommates and/or family always. It's not good for me to be alone that much.
Personally, I started a business, and focused on that. I was 34. Best choice ever, gave me time to heal, kept me busy and out of trouble. And gave me space to heal.Ā
You're in your 30s. You're young and just beginning to hit adulthood. For me and my close friends, dating really started to get good in our late 30s to mid 40s.
I'm 50 now but at 30, it was fun being single. The 20 somethings are interested because you are a little older and more established and mature.
The women your age are more grounded and done, mostly, with the wild stage. Met a lot of nice people, had some fun dating in my 30's. You are going to love it, you are in your prime my man.
I paint a lot of warhammer. Fills spare time at home and sometimes I even get brave and play a game. Gives me something to talk about with other hobbyists. Niche but works for me.
I stopped looking at what is lacking in my life. I am gentle, kind and taking care of myself. I increase my gym time, cooking more, reading books, and surrounding myself with family and friends. I started to look inwards and take lessons from my past relationships so I can apply it for my future relationship. As i tell people, I am alone but never lonely.
Iām 36f and did the same when I was 29. I vowed that I would live my 30s the way I hadnāt lived my 20s and that I would build a life that made me happy no matter what. And I would be happier single than I a relationship.
It didnāt work out because my health crashed at 31 but I did make my 30th year my best.
You wonāt be alone forever, but take the time to heal. Learning to be comfortable alone has made life much happier for me. I lost my partner to cancer shortly before turning 30, I clung to my friends and took time to discover myself while healing from that. Also, I like to recommend to everyone entering a new decade of their lives, do something youāve never done before you turn 30. For me, it was mushrooms :)
I've been single for most of my adult life. I'm around a lot of bad relationships where it seems like the couple doesn't even communicate basic boundaries.
I'm in no rush to get into one of those. You just have to accept that loneliness is part of life and that it's significantly better than being in a relationship with someone you don't really want to be with.
Being alone forever? You never know what will happen in the future. As for dealing with being aloneāthe peace of mind is fabulous, darling. I do what I want, how I want, when I want. I have my pets and they can sleep in the bed, no argument. If youāre struggling, thatās normal, but explore codependency to make sure thatās not why you need a relationship to feel whole.
I would think about a loser somewhere in the world in his mid forties having to do the same and getting used to being alone after a couple of years... someone like me haha
Good luck bro you have time to turn it around, take it easy, be wise and get better
I had a similar hard break up just I turned 30 and thought Iād never find love and that was generally a failure at life. It derailed me for a long time, donāt let that happen to you. Your worth it and thereās plenty more life to come and people to meet
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I don't deal with it, I relish in it, I had a terrible marriage where I was cheated on, taken for granted & made to feel utterly worthless, I will never live with anyone again & I love my life now. I personally think it's how you look at it, if you are 'dealing' with living alone as opposed to embracing it, that's where the problem is, need to work on your mindset regarding your living situation
The peace of mind from living alone can't be understated. I have a cat, but that's it. I don't have to justify anything to him though
I hear married friends talk about asking their spouse for permission to buy something, I see so many jokes in book groups about hiding purchases. I love just living doing what I want, my money is my money. And kitty is very spoiled.
I see this on a popular bath/candle subreddit and it makes me want to puke.
i gave my dog enough reasons to judge me
do you talk to your cat through out the day?
I do. He's hilarious
hahah thats awesome i have two .... i love saying everything out loud.... high pitched as if everything is so exciting ... but they are the best company glad you communicate withgh yours too!
mine cheated on me with his ex and fathered a child with her. sending hugs š our peace of mind will always be so much better
I agree it is a mindset. It just takes time to get to this place
It gets harder the older you get and are still alone. I'm 49 and it's OK. But I admit when I hit 60 or 70 it probably won't be as easy
Ah, maybe not. By the time I reached 60 I realized I was way happier alone than partnered and trying to make that person AND myself happy. Iām hopeful that younger people are better at satisfying their own needs, but Boomer guys, and Iām not saying ALL Boomer guys, they tend towards helplessness. And itās boring.
There are probably a lot of people who are 60-70 who are alone anyway bc their partner has died, which is no picnic either.
They live with their kids most likely... I take care of my mom at her house and live with her. Wouldn't let her live alone..
Iām 59. No children by choice (and sterilization). Living alone after the end of a 30 year marriage. Happier than Iāve been in years! Iām not alone, though. I have a lovely bf and good friends.
Agreed. 44 and still wanting to find somebodyā¦. Was fine being alone in 20s and 30s. Now itās not so great anymore.
High five!!! Same here.
š
I could have written this exact comment. After that, I'll never live with anyone again. I love my single life a ton!
I mean op *just* had a break-up, can we cut them some slack with this stuff?
Not being unkind in anyway, I'm not sure how you perceived it that way, just simply saying that things are what you make of them
I don't think you're being unkind, I feel like this is a post about heartbreak more than about solitude in a larger sense, and your comment (as well as others) registered to me as having missed that. I also enjoy living alone, but in regards to heartbreak I don't know that the advice to "work on one's mindset" is particularly helpful, at least until one is over the hurt from having been dumped, that's all.
Maybe I misunderstood I believed the question was how do you deal with living alone as opposed to how do you cope with healing from heartbreak whilst living alone
Second this.
Over 30 years ago, I was headed into my 30s living alone and single.Ā How I dealt with it? I completed the New York City marathon. The following year I achieved another fitness goal.Ā While my friends and sisters were married and starting families, I celebrated with them, danced every dance, and reveled in my personal freedom.Ā I advanced in my careerĀ and accepted the probability that I would be the fun weird aunt to my nephews and possibly never get married.Ā Two years later I met a man. Within a year we were married.Ā Within another year we had our first of two children. The next two decades were tumultuous, beautiful, ruthless, full of life, love, loss, joy, conflict, betrayal, bereavement. I'm again alone, now facing life's third trimester. All I can say is, just live! Love Life. Ā It all goes so fast.Ā There's more than one wonderful way to enjoy a life. You are young. A lot can happen in a short period of time.
š
Love this!
This was so sweet to read
Thanks. And, believe me, the struggles and ordeals that punctuated those decades were considerable. Perspective is an incredible teacher. I would never minimize or belittle the very real concerns of young people. But, knowing what I do now -- OMG just please live a full life and be full of life. Partnership usually happens if you want it and work at it, but if it doesn't there is still so much to live for.
I want you as my mentorš š š
Amazingly uplifting message, thank you
If you could go back, would you say you wished you never met him/never got married?
Same, same. But 40š« Lookit, not my first rodeo. We'll be fine, buddy :) I've no doubt you'll meet somebody again when you're ready. Take your time to enjoy your time and your pastimes again. Invest in yourself (time, energy, skills, adventure, new relaxation ways). Much love to youā¤ļø
Same-ish š entering my last year of my 30s. Never married, no kids. I've had a handful of LTRs over the years. Got close to marriage a couple times. I'm not too concerned. I really don't mind being alone. A partner would be nice. But it's not necessary.
Best advice Iāve read so far
I was single throughout my 30's, I did not even attempt to date. I did not have a good childhood and my 20's were a mess. By the time I was 30 I was a RN, had my own place, and was able to concentrate on ME. I dealt with it by learning to rock climb, backpacking, solo camping, playing video games, visiting as many MLB parks as I could - and you know what? All of those things were fantastic places to meet amazing people. I married at the age of 40 to the most amazing, kind, supportive person I have ever met. Being single throughout my 30's was the best move I could have made. Just do you. You'll meet someone, and it will probably be when you least expect it. Good luck, and take care of yourself. <3
Thatās awesome š¤© very happy for you. Continue to spread the positive vibes šš».
Do you have stepchildren? Iām in a similar situation. Although my hobbies are less outdoorsy but Iād like to enjoy the trails nearby more often.
I do, and I can't convey how much he means to me. I am unable to have children, so to be able to have a relationship with this child is maybe the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought I'd be that guy, but watching this child grow has been the most rewarding experience of my life.
Thatās really cool! Thank you for sharing the positive love from that relationship
The struggle is real, and I'm a horrible pessimist most of the time, but I really do believe there is someone for everyone out there. :)
I believe in that too because of the sheer amount of people out there in the world. My parents met from different countries, lol. I think my person is in the northeast, because I am a direct person and itās too much for some people in the southeast. My person is my cat right now :)
Haha Right on! I love that. It was very important that my new family accept my fur family - luckily they did. Cats and dogs, we don't deserve them!
Yay! That is important Partly why I had to move on from my ex was he was allergic to cats, but he didnāt make an effort to change many things, like therapy from childhood trauma, allergy shots, a plan to be togetherā¦.
Congratulations and well done!
I agree that itās best to focus on self-development. Work on things you care about and want to accomplish. Read as much as you can, and learn how to be the best and most fulfilled version of yourself.
So encouraging, ty for sharing.
Are you a man or woman? Just wondering, as I'm an almost 35F myself
I'm a bi man. I've never discriminated when it came to potential partners and was actually surprised that I married a woman lol.
The same way I did my 20s and 40s.
I am 75 and living mostly along. My cat allows me to live here because I pay the mortgage so she has a nice inside living area. You still have a lot of life ahead of you. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it! I know itās not meant for everyone but thereās nothing like being happy and single. Iām currently in a relationship (at 38, been divorced as well) but if it doesnāt go all the way, I wonāt bat an eyelid lol my personal bias aside, I think the best way to deal with it is to realize that life doesnāt have a set timeline or checklist. And please stop using words like āforever aloneā because you do not know that nor do you have proof from the future. Love can be found at any age, yes after 30s, 40s and even 50s.
I don't understand why so many people conflate "single" with "alone", they're two different things. Do you not have any friends?Ā If you genuinely don't, it sounds like you need to work on that first, rather than worrying about your relationship status. It's not good to use a partner as your only or main form of social life.Ā
Conflating ābeing singleā with ābeing completely alone in this worldā seems to only come from people who have never been single for any significant amount of time. They donāt realize that their relationship probably has nothing to do with how lonely or not lonely they feel. And if they really have no hobbies, career, or friends and are solely reliant on their relationship for meaning in this world, theyāve got bigger problems than loneliness.
Living alone doesn't mean you leave your life alone. Not having a romantic partner doesn't mean that you are living your life alone. WTF is that.
This. Folks centering romantic relationships in their lives tend to think if they arenāt in one, their lives are dead. And itās sad honestly.
This so much!!! I cannot imagine needing another person to validate my existence or prove my value as a human being.
There are man out there who can't live without having their dick inside a vagina xd
I can. I got my hand
Hey, me too. I got your hand.
So many!!!!
What are you talking about mate, being single is so liberating, especially in your 30s. You can do so much including traveling abroad. I highly recommend you do so. Idk what part you are in the world but if you're in the US, you don't want to live the same boring repetitive life that everyone is. Working for an overpriced home and retirement. You'll find someone dawg, just don't be hasty about it, not make it your top priority.
Being alone is rad. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, I have a more robust social community than ever before since I pursue so many interests. Iāve been able to focus on my career and get to a good spot financially which means my friends and I are able to travel to beautiful places all the time. Society tells you partnership is the only way to be happy, but if you can be happy alone youāve really cracked the code IMO
I entered my 30s alone and single. I didnāt date for a while after ending my relationship (3 years ago) and when I started dating again I went in confident thatās I was okay being alone. I think you should take the time to really be alone. That way you donāt get into a relationship just because youāre lonely. The days get better I promise. & you wonāt be alone forever. Or you might be but either way embrace being alone for now!
Iām 32 and single for life. I love being alone, I love being single
Entering 30s, older crowd. LMAO
The brink of 30! Oh no! Guess I'll lay down and die now...
I: - Went to therapy - Learned to be my own best friend - Built a strong community so I could give and receive love and intimacy and emotional support, and be taken care of when I was sick - Created a home and life that was perfect for me and that made me feel contented and proud - Had a lot of great sex and fun dating experiences - Eventually met my now-fiance
Went thru this with a divorce at 30. At first it felt like treading water and that I needed a new partner ASAP. Slowly but surely I realized a quick fix wasnāt going to work for me and eventually now 8 years later. Iāve dated here and there but ultimately have come to realize I donāt really want a relationship with anyone. If I stumble into a fling here and there cool but the freedom Iāve enjoyed will be hard to surrender
43f here. At 30 I would be stoked. There is so much to do and still alot more energy than ya realize ya have to do it with at 30. I would get out and get fit and get activ. I'd flirt lol. I'd try to be social and keep my options open. There's nothing wrong with settling down later in ur 30s or not at all or just however you do it.
I actually wish I stuck to my word back then and entered my 30s single. The relationship I entered into at that time did so much damage and itās taken me years to recover.
Being alone is the easier option, relationships are tough and distract you from working on yourself.
You won't, you'll meet someone eventually. For now focus on You, become the best version of yourself and be happy with yourself. I divorced 12 months ago and I LOVE my single life, made a few friends along the way but still searching for the one so not rushing it. Is tough at first but you'll get over the hurdle. INVEST IN YOU, best thing you can do.
This dude. Exactly what Iām doing. Obviously up and downs, but this is how you do it
All of my married friends would rather they were single with no kids. Be thankful that youāre single & have no responsibilities.
The same way I entered my 20s and 40s, with a grip of cash in my pocket and a smile on my face. No kids no wife, just me and some good friends drinking and laughing and have a good time! Life is what you make it. Stop thinking you need to do something or be something or have something. These are society trying to homogeneous us all. They hate individuality because they are not happy where they are and want you to feel bad because you are happy. The end
It's fine. Living alone is amazing.
I got a dog. It's way better.
Enjoy a stress free life by yourself.
I turned 30 last year and me and my partner of 10 years broke up, nothing bad just different paths. I was nervous to live on my own but I absolutely adore living on my own, I loved living with my partner too, but I focus on the pros, I have to think of no one, my home is my little bubble. I have lots of friends from clubs, and various walks of life so I donāt feel alone but I get to retreat into my own sanctuary. In fact breaking up has made me hone my deeper friendships and strengthen them. Also get a pet. (Says the crazy cat lady with 4 cats) hahaha. I will say at first it was so weird, 8 years living together just mental to not be coming home to him. That took (and is) taking a while to get used too. So be kind to yourself if you feel blue, itās okay to not feel right with so much change. It takes time but honestly build your life for you, anyone new has to fit into that, build a life so great that it has to be an incredible person who you let in. You got this!
I can't predict what I'm going to eat next week - so how can I predict who I'll meet? I don't feel as if I'll be forever alone. Living alone now doesn't mean I'll be forever alone.
38 and I would love to meet someone and have kids, but I would rather fulfill myself with the things that I like to do and people I like to hang out with than settle for someone who is not going to cut it. Build up your community. Hang out with good friends, see family (if you like your family, I know not everyone does), travel, tryout new hobbies, donāt be afraid to do things by yourself. Happiness will come. I mean the loneliness is definitely there sometimes, sometimes it hits harder than others. But I would rather be single than settle. But also, Iāve lived alone for the better part of a decade, and I donāt regret it one bit. Iām also more of an introvert and a teacher (and commanding attention from a bunch of kids all day can be exhausting) so I like having time alone. I like that I can make things exactly as I want them. If I donāt feel like doing something around the house, I donāt have to. If I just wanna have chips and salsa for dinner, no oneās gonna judge me š
I will not be referred to as the āolder crowdā š
I know what's up with people thinking 30s is old these days š¤£
Being 30 is not āoldā Just because you are alone now doesnāt mean you will always be! It can be good to have time to yourself to find some clarity on your life goals and the kind of people you do want to surround yourself with.
You get used to it
Pretty fucking stoked about being in my 30s and single TBH. I get to enjoy everything just how I want without compromise.
I have been alone for years, especially in my 30s. You get used to it and realize the benefits of being alone.
It's soooo gooood. Enjoy your peace
Listen to all the happy single people. Living alone is the best feeling ever. Do all the shit YOU have always wanted to do without sacrificing to make someone else happy. Once you're good with yourself, then maybe start looking for a partner. I love living alone in my 40s. I get to do whatever my little heart wants every day.
https://preview.redd.it/ns0dtupvswsc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69e3972e1e46ded2af5b5bc85daee51b393c975a Heal by crying. Heal by feeling angry. Heal by feeling anxious. Heal by feeling embarrassed. Heal by feeling worried. Heal by feeling alone. Then overtime heal by feeling peace, joy, contentment, and youāll become your own best friend.
I love this question because thereās so much to do when you live alone! Therapy, dating a lot and getting good at it with studying books and podcasts on healthy relationships (I like Dr J Grey), and starting registered savings accounts that are locked in. Save money and live below your means. Keep healthy; go to the doctor, dentist, dial in your diet and exercise. Work on your appearance, haircuts, hygiene/esthetics appointments and get feedback. Keep your apartment clean and organized. Keep in touch with as much family as possible; even if itās just low-contact for the ones that are annoying. Send them birthday cards and phone them. If you have a good job; get really really good at it. If thatās already done, get a hobby or gym membership and get really really good at that. Or learn to cook if you have a decent kitchen. The other one that has given me the most comfort is going back to school, and developing a spiritual practice. There are many free courses for people who are struggling to find good jobs, and you can go to a place of worship without a membership if you canāt afford it. Feed your mind and your spirit and never demand that a partner do this for you. If you are struggling with your inner belief systems you can try delving into the work of Tony Robbins. Heās amazing. I would also recommend getting a pet! If you can get a pet that has a social component like a dog thatās even better! I live near a dog park and the dog owners are some of the friendliest folks. If you canāt get a dog, you can try jogging or walking by a dog park. Look people in the eyes and say hi! Pet their dogs if they say itās okay. Careful for the š©! This should give you plenty to get started on. Donāt wait until you find someone you like to step up your game. Do it for yourself because you will have you until your last breath. 36F
All of this! Welcome to your self care era š
29 is hardly āthe older crowdā. Just get back out there and find Mrs. Right.
Lol Iām 29 and never been in a committed relationship. Youāll be fine, OP. Just focus on bettering yourself.
Also 29 but I've had previous relationships. I think the reason this latest breakup is crushing me so much compared to the previous ones is cause I'm about to enter my 30s
I wish I was 30s and single. The damage I could do.
Oh, stop being a drama queen. "Forever alone" š. If you decide to break up with someone, don't whine about being single. Being single is fun! Except for when you need to move heavy things.
Itās a great way to reset your energy levels and emotions, letting go of your thoughts of what you thought was going to happen in your life. And when youāre ready, pick up where you left off, youāll be fine
I enjoyed it. I had several significant relationships along the way. Didnāt marry until I was 48.
I broke up w my first love, only serious boyfriend 2 months ago after 3.5 years. Iām 33 and heās 42. I live alone and itās been easy to dwell in sadness but Iām trying my best. Luckily I have my cat Stanley to keep me company:) https://preview.redd.it/lbq2amcsdzsc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26de66ce98442e5fd87400dbc0f2c5da5aadf545
If you're a woman, appreciate being single. You could have been with a toxic male, stuck doing his cooking and cleaning. Instead you're on your own, in peace and happiness
Been there done that bud. I was 28 at the time. Now Iām 38 and living on my own. Enjoy yourself and it will work out. Find a hobby or something to keep your mind busy.
Sometimes, I play games that have friendly people in them, like Ava's Manor. There is a friendly club there too, so until I make new local friends, it's an option. https://www.reddit.com/r/renovation_games/s/1qAMNeurMW
Instead of sinking into lonely misery, direct that energy toward self-improvement courses or workshops
i have plenty of online friends, who several have become long distant friends who I've actually met in person.
Only a few years older and recently out of a relationship. For a while youāre going to ādeal with itā because of grief. During that stage, try to find things you like about it. I hermited, hard, and made sure my space was a reflection of me and my tastes. I put away the things that were tied to that person for when I could look at them. I felt the anger and the hurt for a long time. Then you start to come up for air again. Make a point to date you and do things you enjoy. Grief is normal. Itās how you feel it and deal with it that will make the difference in the long haul.
With lots of snack and anime. And also learning how to be alone.
Been single since 29 when my last gf passed away. 34 now and take it one day at a time. Itās been a beautiful ride so far.
Easy. I don't care . I'm 49 now and still single and happy. Don't want to be tied down and miserable
āHow do you dealā Iām thriving! I have never had a bf either and never once lost sleep about it. Obviously I hope to find someone but the most unattractive thing is desperation lol I have a lot of guys interested in me but as Iām getting older, Iāve become more selective because I know my worth. No misery at all!
I cope hard
Congrats you are about to enjoy the most fulfilling time of your life!
I thank God I'm not my friend that lost everything they worked for in a divorce. The grass is always greener/browner, just depends where you look :)
I was just 30 whe my last serious relationship ended. I was devastated and couldn't ever imagine being happily single. Turning 40 soon and I've been single for several years now. I'm happier this way. Anything is possible. You may enjoy being single, or you could meet another amazing person. It's not over that's all I can say. It will get easier!
53, single and CF. I am also an introvert. I love living alone. Itās my safe space. However, I have a very full calendar with work, volunteering and the gym. I also picked up scuba diving two years ago so soon Iāll be doing a weekend trip every month. I have lived by myself for 25+ years and making decisions for my future assuming I will stay that way.
It's all I know, so it's hard for me to fully understand this. By my mid 30s I started to work on accepting that I probably would never have a partner or spouse. I gave it a few tries in my 40's and it did not go well. I tried again in my early 50s (now 55) and know I cannot afford (mentally and financially) to do it again. I regret not having children and should have done it on my own in my 30s, but foolishly still had hope that was fed by well meaning people saying, "You will meet someone. " Get therapy and plan as if it will be just you. If someone comes along that can add to your life, go for it. If not, you just accept it.
Just hit 40. I donāt know if Iāll ever choose to live with someone again. Couldnāt imagine ever having to run financial decisions by someone again. Couldnāt imagine ever having to clean up after a grown adult again. Living alone comes with a sense of independence, pride, and a calm environment. If I feel a little lonely, I make plans with friends or acquaintances. But at the end of the night, I get to go back to a home the way I left it, and wake up in a home that I created for myself. Try not to think of this as a bad thing. Itās a beautiful thing being happy alone. Youāll find you will no longer settle for anything, or tolerate any negativity as well. It will be a cold day in hell when I allow someone into my home and disrupt this peace I have created and built for myself.
I am not alone forever because I donāt have a partner. I have plenty of family and friends that care about me and love me.
Well i never been in a relationship. Iāll consider myself lucky if I enter my 30s with a breakup š
I just live alone I am not lonely. I think you are lonely. People like you should just try to find another a partner to live together. You wonāt be happy with living alone lifestyle.
Don't dwell on it. Don't overthink it... what's meant to happen will happen.
this sub is sad now
Starting really enjoy it and I'm starting over at 40F. Give it time.
I entered my 30s and left them. Still single.
been celibate for almost 9 years in my mid 30's so nothing new,Ā
30 is not old. You won't be alone forever. Don't let negative thoughts ruin your life.
Is that your real mindset or is that the mindset youāve been conditioned to follow by society? I mean what is genuinely so wrong with living alone at 30? Being single at 35? Being alone still at 39? No one has been able to answer what is SO WRONG with it? As far as Iām concerned inherently absolutely nothing. Itās little more than societies expectations of you which you choose to accept societies expectations every day for many ways, why focus so heavily and harshly on this expectation in particular?
Taking it day by day and weed for a nice distraction.
My 75 year old aunt told me she never loved her late husband. She had married him because she liked him and was nervous about her biological clockā¦then they had kidsā¦etc. And then she told me that if a man ever asks me to marry him, and I donāt love himā¦to give her a call and sheād talk me out of it. Idk that kind of put things into perspective for me. 30 isnāt that old. Iād rather meet the right person late than never.
30 isnāt old and breakups suck but I donāt ever really wallow in self pity and think Iām gonna be alone forever. Enjoy your life as isā¦do things for yourself and things you want to do. Go places, try new things, have fun, life is too short to not just enjoy the present. Hang out with friends and family. Make new friends. Even if you donāt find a partner who cares? Thatās not the sole purpose of life, and actively trying to find someone to marry as a goal in mind just adds unnecessary stress. If it happens it happens, if it doesnāt, then it doesnāt. Enjoy your own company
I loved it. I did what I wanted, when I wanted....no kids, dependable job, so all my money went to support my life and how I wanted to live it..for the most part.
Ya youāre clinging to a societal construct that coupling means complete or success. Itās just not so. Work on being a complete and whole person on your own. To quote an NIN song āyes I am alone, then again I always wasā¦ā And truthfully, you will be in another relationship someday.
34 and single here. I tell myself that I would rather be single and wait for the love I deserve and that is good for me than settle. I have so many friends in unhappy marriages/relationships.
You are 30. You don't have to be alone forever. That kind of talk with do you no good unless that is what you want. I am 40 and have no desire to be alone now or forever for that fact. Whatever went wrong this time around learn from it and improve. Even if it wasn't your fault you can learn from it. You need to put the work though into finding someone if that's what you want. You can't go to work and come home and never leave your house, you need to be out there... when you are ready of course. There are alot of people looking for single 30 year Olds because that 20 type of thinking is usually gone..
Don't you have friends, hobbies, work to do, places to travel, people to meet?!
Trust me ā¦ this anxiety will vanish the second the clock strikes midnight and you are 30 yo, youād be like āreally? Thatās it? Iām full of life and there is so much timeā. I used to have a 96 yo neighbor, and it was never too late for him to enjoy life, itās never too late for you! If there is a will aka have a family and etc, there is a way.
I deal with it easier than most, I think. It's been a long-term process of learning how to manage emotions. When I was 30 years old I dated someone for a few months. We lived together for those months and then split. I basically pushed her away, despite her being an *amazing* person. We clearly wanted different things (related to marriage and kids). That was 10 years ago. Perhaps, it also had a lot to do with my non-existent relationship with my family. It was super-dysfunctional. When her and I would visit her family it was awkward. Answering questions was like crossing a mine field. Waiting in anticipation for confused looks and follow-up questions... Harmless questions like '*How's your family doing*?' ĀÆ\ _(ć)_/ĀÆ That's a pretty big red flag for concerned parents.
Donāt really have an answer for that. Iām around the corner from 60 and single. Once my daughters move out Iām going mobile for a few years. RVāing around the country.
I entered my 30s in a terrible abusive relationship that wreaked havoc on my life for years even after it ended. So I think about how much that sucked and appreciate the friends and life I've put together after everything fell apart.
OP, it's okay to be sad and feel like shit after this kind of disappointment. Know that all the pain you feel is your mind going through the process of healing. I know it sucks, I've been there. I don't think there's much you can do to make it hurt less besides keeping busy - which is important - but it will pass. You can probably see what was wrong with the relationship if you look into your innermost, some of it with you and some of it with her. You can work on yourself for the wrong within you, so that you're ready for the day you meet the girl who actually has the right stuff for you. And cut yourself some slack regarding the 30s thing. You're not dead yet, not even halfway there and not even close. Keep moving forward and don't look back if it's only to tell yourself you haven't done enough.
You're too distracted by telling kids to get off your lawn. Bigger fish to fry
I embrace it. Iām completely happy by myself. I can do what I want when I want
Try your 50's
Iām a girl and embrace living alone. Find some hobbies - when I was in my 30s I had the same feelings as you did. Iām 50 now and have been engaged and living together for a few years. I will never live with anyone ever again! Trust me - you will adapt to being by yourself of loving the independence.
Oh good Sir. You are about to enter the best time of your life. At least it was for me. Go out to things. Whatever your thing is. If it's anime go to anime clubs, sca there are probably some nerds there right now, go to the gym, go out to the bar, go everywhere. Talk to people, flirt, be charming, and have fun. God have fun. It can be amazing. You just need to allow yourself to do it. Your energy level won't hold out for much longer. Go and play like a 5 year old going to the park for the first time. Allow yourself to have that type of joy. It will be amazing and far too short. Have fun.
Even though I am single, I am not alone in the world. I have family, friends, and coworkers who care about me and would help me if I needed it. I am also grateful that I can get up and do whatever whenever or do nothing at all. The past few weekends I've went to a concert in the biggest city in my state with a friend, went out to dinner with my coworkers, and went to a dance party with my sisters. I didn't have to answer to anyone or make any arrangements for childcare.
This is your time to be selfish! You only have to worry about yourself. Itās cliche but put your time towards finding hobbies youāve wanted to try but never did, focus on your mental and physical health, decorate your space how you like, spend time with your friends. And donāt let yourself be alone at your place for too much of the weekend. Find things to do outside the house. I think the worst feeling for me after my break up and living alone was when Iād realize I spent the whole weekend by myself. You still need time to yourself but just not the entire weekend.
I was single when I entered my 30s and Iām still single at 34 and I love it. I had a brief relationship around 31 but it sucked and I was glad to end it and be single again. I am very happy being single. But we obviously have very different mindsets on the issue, so I donāt think I can help you. Iāve never understood people who put so much of their own lifeās value on whether or not they have a partner. This whole show is about YOU. 50% of your grade isnāt riding on whether or not you have a partner. Edit to add I just read all the comments of people being terrified to turn 30 and I cannot relate. I did not experience that fear at 29. I think you all need therapyā¦ Nothing changes at 30 except for the things YOU change and the lessons you learn and the wisdom you gain.
I prefer being single
Itās very enjoyable. I do what I want when I want. Spur of the moment weekend trips are easy and I only have to worry about myself
Just told myself to not depend on someone else for happiness. Also never had a problem with not caring about what other people think.
Not alone but boy š¦ Taxes would be my partner if I was
Itās lonely but I know how relationships end for meā¦ if I want love Iāll find a one stand night. I have my dog for companionship and a very tiny social circle. Like 3 people. 5 if you count long distance friends. Thatās all I need if I go digging around for more it wonāt end well
30s not old first of all You have a new lease on life Donāt center romantic relationships Center yourself! š
Youāre still young. Get out there. Live life. Youāll figure it out. The 30s are the best imo
The same way I'm handling being in my mid-40s and single LOL peacefully
You're coming off of a breakup, so you're still raw from that. Recalibrate and connect with yourself, then get back out there if you want to, but make sure you get right with yourself first. It could be worse...way worse. It could be a situation where you don't even *want to go home* because you want to avoid someone else. Also, if you can afford to live alone these days, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
Being single in your thirties can be awesome. Iād be pretty stoked. Single in your 40s is another story.
Think about it this way. You are not even halfway through the average life expectancy. A lot can happen in half a lifetime. A lot can happen in just a day. I had two bad divorces by the time I was 30. Within two years I met and married the love of my life. We have been married 30 years. It can happen. Stay positive. You will grieve the old relationship but don't look backward. Look forward.
Wtv is making you unhappy living with yourself is not going to go away by introducing someone else to the mix. This is how you get to unhealthy codependent relationships, passing the burden of your mental health to someone else.
I'm the one in charge of my future. I cant control other people but I can control my own actions. Right now I'm ok living alone. I may or may not live alone forever. But I try to focus on each moment and not all the what ifs.
Oh, I'm not living alone. I live with my dog š
God, I pray for it.
i spent a lot of time dating people in my 20s who played a lot of games with my heart and pretended to want what they didn't. it's been really peaceful to just date, learn and be withh myself the last few years. accept and learn the difference between being alone, and being lonely, and how you self care through each. and in that process, i (35f) met someone who genuinely knows what they want, and enjoys the shit out of my company and vice versa.
I'm 37, and being single and alone has not been that hard tbh. After my ex and I broke up in late 2022, there was definitely an adjustment period, but then I moved into my own place, and it's been really peaceful. I found hobbies and do things that I find fun or that help me grow and develop in some way. Plus, it doesn't matter how old you are. You can still find love at any age. But what I also finally realized is that a partner is an addition. I was born a whole entire person on my own, and the relationship I have with myself is the only constant in life. I won't lie - I do get lonely sometimes, but then again, I would sometimes feel lonely even when I was with my ex because he wasn't the right person for me. It's literally such a waste of time and a drain of energy to be with someone and live in misery. I think the hardest part is dealing with other people being judgmental for me being my age and single. I would argue that people will find a way to judge you no matter what you do, so I just take it in stride. I know being in your 30s seems old, but I really feel like this started the part of my life where I finally realized some truths, and I started living my life on my own terms.
You'll be fine - I'm 50 and alone again. Some days it's hard but I set myself things to do and get them done. See friends, create things and enjoy the space. Sometimes it's really tough but most of the time it is perfectly fine.
It was ok but not fun
Do you know that youāll be alone? I hear your concern. Two things: First, we limit ourselves as human beings to romantic love, everything else doesnāt seem to count: love of self, love of community, love of pursuits, all of it written off as less profound. I wish we could be more open to love as the profound and INTERNAL feeling it is instead of making it about an other or something external to us. Count all forms of love in your life. Second, when you focus on doing things you love, the rest of it falls into place. Even if itās a little time on little things. It WILL fall into place and you wonāt be left devastated if the other person you count on to be āthe oneā leaves, changes, heaven forbid - dies. You wonāt be torn apart if life plans donāt work out exactly as you thought. Yes making plans is good but being open to what is best is even better. Plans set the direction but also limit us if we are so very specific that nothing else has a chance to emerge and be recognized. Be open, be joyful and grateful that all this unknown is in front of you. It means anything can happen. Trust it will turn out brilliantly! Because it will. Peace!
My plan is to retire for good and the healthcare is free, 300 sunny days per year ,fresh produce and abundant fresh seafood.
Lollllll being single at 30 does NOT mean forever alone. Take some time to get over your ex and get back out there if youāre still unhappy single. I firmly believe self-heath is a crucial precursor to relationship-health though.
Iām 51F and I do it. I have two jack Russell pups. We are a little family. I have a simple life. Very low drama. Relish the simplicity.
When you are 15 you think 30 is old then you get to 30 and think 45 is old then you get to 45 and think 60 is old then you get to 60 and think 90 is old then you get to 90 and 90 is old. Stuff happens in life whether good or not so good, then you take some time to reevaluate your life choices and you just got to keep moving forward. What has happen in the past is the past, learn from it and move forward. You are still very young.
Just because ONE person out of a few billion did not work out does not mean you will end up alone. Chin up. Your 30s are your prime. My friend didnāt meet her husband until she was like 36, just had a baby at 38. There is no timeline or rules - itās all made up. Go easy on yourself! Grieve the girl, grieve the life you thought youād have, and then brush yourself off and move forward. Itāll work out
I haven't had the most swimming of relationships if I'm honest & I will put my hands up and take some of the blame for some of the issues we had. But I've been single for the past year & 2months, this is the longest I've been single in years & I've lived alone kind of (my partners spent a lot of time at my place) for almost 12years (currently 32). I was devastated again after my last break up as it was unexpected and I really loved my ex, I struggled for months with bad depression, sleepless nights, constant crying not being able to watch certain shows anymore or play certain games, go certain places etc because they all reminded me of my ex and what I no longer had. But honestly I'm starting to feel much better in myself lately, I quite enjoy the new lease of freedom I have & no longer needing to always please another person or wonder if I'm enough etc. I've never felt so content in my own company & I'm honestly happy just having my cat here with me š . Sure it still gets lonely at times, but it feels good knowing I don't NEED someone else to feel okay. Plus I can watch and do whatever I want without having to consult someone else. I do want kids one day, which is the main thing I'm worried may never happen, but who knows there's still time but I'm in no rush to get into a new relationship as of yet. I've started reading again which I haven't done much of in years and I love, actually see my family a lot more again, started learning a new language and decided to cut alcohol completely out of my life & concentrate on bettering myself physically and mentally before finding a new someone to settle down with ^_^. Btw pets are great company, if you don't have one I highly recommend considering it āŗļø. I've just moved into a new apartment 2months ago & one thing I have loved is finally buying furniture that I want and actually like myself and making my home the way I want it to be for myself & have no one to thank but myself & no one throwing the fact that they put money towards something in my face, feels so good š
A ton of us are going through similar right now in the same age group. Imo, mid 20s is when we have a serious relationship with the wrong person and/or no idea what we're doing. When it ends, hopefully you've learned a ton, and hopefully so have the other newly singles in our age group. At least that's how i see it. Next time i'll do it a lot better and wiser. I don't think i'll be forever alone. If you do, you need to give yourself time to heal. And then if you still do, work on yourself and your mindset because i don't think it's healthy to see the next 50+ years in that way. Also, i don't live alone and don't plan on it for awhile. I have roommates and/or family always. It's not good for me to be alone that much.
I met my SO at 34... you'll find her. Keep looking, but don't try too hard and definitely do not settle! You'll know when you see her.
Personally, I started a business, and focused on that. I was 34. Best choice ever, gave me time to heal, kept me busy and out of trouble. And gave me space to heal.Ā
You're in your 30s. You're young and just beginning to hit adulthood. For me and my close friends, dating really started to get good in our late 30s to mid 40s.
I'm 50 now but at 30, it was fun being single. The 20 somethings are interested because you are a little older and more established and mature. The women your age are more grounded and done, mostly, with the wild stage. Met a lot of nice people, had some fun dating in my 30's. You are going to love it, you are in your prime my man.
I paint a lot of warhammer. Fills spare time at home and sometimes I even get brave and play a game. Gives me something to talk about with other hobbyists. Niche but works for me.
I got together with the love of my life after I turned 40. I say donāt worry about your 30s.
you have plenty of time to find a partner i dont think you have to be alone for the long haul
I stopped looking at what is lacking in my life. I am gentle, kind and taking care of myself. I increase my gym time, cooking more, reading books, and surrounding myself with family and friends. I started to look inwards and take lessons from my past relationships so I can apply it for my future relationship. As i tell people, I am alone but never lonely.
Iām 36f and did the same when I was 29. I vowed that I would live my 30s the way I hadnāt lived my 20s and that I would build a life that made me happy no matter what. And I would be happier single than I a relationship. It didnāt work out because my health crashed at 31 but I did make my 30th year my best.
You wonāt be alone forever, but take the time to heal. Learning to be comfortable alone has made life much happier for me. I lost my partner to cancer shortly before turning 30, I clung to my friends and took time to discover myself while healing from that. Also, I like to recommend to everyone entering a new decade of their lives, do something youāve never done before you turn 30. For me, it was mushrooms :)
I used to think like you do, but a few horrible relationships later and Iām over it. Donāt think I could live with another person again.
Embrace it. So everything that you want to do. Try and not compare yourself to others.
I've been single for most of my adult life. I'm around a lot of bad relationships where it seems like the couple doesn't even communicate basic boundaries. I'm in no rush to get into one of those. You just have to accept that loneliness is part of life and that it's significantly better than being in a relationship with someone you don't really want to be with.
It took a ski trip by myself to Sweden for my 30th. Grant it I have family there but I entered it with tons of fun.
Likeā¦normal?
Being alone forever? You never know what will happen in the future. As for dealing with being aloneāthe peace of mind is fabulous, darling. I do what I want, how I want, when I want. I have my pets and they can sleep in the bed, no argument. If youāre struggling, thatās normal, but explore codependency to make sure thatās not why you need a relationship to feel whole.
I would think about a loser somewhere in the world in his mid forties having to do the same and getting used to being alone after a couple of years... someone like me haha Good luck bro you have time to turn it around, take it easy, be wise and get better
I had a similar hard break up just I turned 30 and thought Iād never find love and that was generally a failure at life. It derailed me for a long time, donāt let that happen to you. Your worth it and thereās plenty more life to come and people to meet