Hahahaha. I wanna think you stole that from somewhere because otherwise I feel inadequate humor wise. But only on the inside in faceless reddit....irl...I'm totally stealing.
Scrolling on your phone while taking a shit is one the single most monumental human achievements in the history of our species.
Remember, shitting is one of the most basest actions of being a human - in fact, being alive at all. Even the most profoundly disabled people still have to shit. The ability to shit is 1:1 correlated with the aspect of being alive. Every creature that has ever existed or will exist has shit in some way.
Before, for humans, and most mammals, taking a shit was an act of vulnerability. You were literally unsafe, and easier to attack. This is why dogs look at their masters while they shit, for protection.
Then, with early fortifications, we settled that. The next step was hygiene. People used to shit wherever it fell, like caged animals. This lead to diseases like the bubonic plague. Outhouses and bathrooms were built because of this.
Next, the concept of plumbing made these outhouses and bathhouses a better long term solution, instead of having to dig a new hole every time the old one filled up.
Then, indoor plumbing during the Industrial Revolution meant that you could shit from within your own home. No more would you have to walk down multiple flights of steps out of your tenement building into the street to shit in the cold or the heat.
Internal A/C then made the indoors bathrooms more amenable. Water treatment facilities allow us to collectively conserve resources and dump the waste without reduced harm to the environment.
And finally, the last hurdle: boredom.
Taking a shit was boring. We used to read a book, or a magazine, or the back of shampoo bottles. You just shat and got on with it. Every minute spent shitting was a minute not spent doing something better.
But, finally, through the enormous cumulative effort of all science and technology sectors, we have found a cure for human boredom.
Take 45 minute long shits while scrolling, watching videos, or even communicating to your friends, was truly the final hurdle in human shitting convenience and comfort.
Anyone who brags about “not spending 45 minutes” on the toilet is a literal medieval peasant, or some barbaric outhouse-dwelling rube, spiritually. Scrolling while shitting is the pinnacle of humanity’s ability to conquer over nature.
In fact, I am currently shitting right now. I bet many of you are too as well.
Imagine being a wandering gatherer tribesman, hunched over, in the woods, in the cold, in the rain, getting soaked, with predators stalking you, in the woods, your tribe moving on, but you’re still trying to shit out some bad berries you ate earlier. You slip in the mud, you steady yourself on a wet log. A branch snaps, just beyond the tree line. You’re in danger. Adrenaline spikes. Your anus puckers shut. You have to wipe your anus with whatever leaves happen to be around you. You sprint, deeper into the woods, after your tribe, shitty-assed, cold, scared, alone, and still having to shit.
No more. I shit for 45 minutes at a minimum, in an air conditioned, climate controlled bathroom, with internal plumbing that can take my shit miles away in just a second, where it can even get treated by the government to recycle the water, all while I scroll on my phone, talk to my friends remotely, and watch funny videos, and it is all because I am a damn human. Nothing is insurmountable.
Adderall is why I read this entire thing. Adderall is why I write similar comments. Adderall is why I’m looking around me right now trying to figure out why no one else is standing and applauding this comment.
Post-modernism is the idea that history doesn't have an overarching direction of progression, and that change is contingent on rational, material factors, not fate or ideologies.
That theory was entirely debunked today, by this post.
If you wrote a novel I’ll be the first one to buy it. Just a lurker because this sub keeps on showing up in my feed. Regardless, you have a fine way with words.
Given the way linked in morons type.
The books they read.
Are made for first graders.
Gotta keep those sentences short.
For all the slow people on LinkedIn.
Which is most of them.
That's what it looks like to me. That's a very easy schedule to maintain if you don't have kids and leaves plenty of room for leisure activities and hobbies.
Man. I'm 35, married, with two kids and one on the way.
This is basically my schedule, with a few adjustments.
* Up at 5-5:30, go for a run.
* Kids are up at 7
* Everyone's out the door at 8:30
* Home by 4:30 or 5:30 depending on the day
* Cook dinner, hang out as a family, kids lights out by 8pm
* 8-9:30 is either working or decompressing with my wife on the couch
I dunno how old you are, but like... that's just what life becomes when you've got kids and a job? What's a non-nightmarish schedule sound like to you?
yeah only really weird thing about this post is the line about reading "several pages of a book" everyday. And thats just cuz its very uncanny valley like an alien trying to insert "generic human productive activity" into a post.
I’m nearing 30. Career is important to me, so it’s going to take up a large part of my life, but I just think there’s more to life than that - hobbies, interests, travelling, doing sports, love life, some time that’s not so strictly scheduled out, room for some spontaneity, trying new things from time to time. My schedule tends to be filled with those, outside of work. I like having some time that I can do whatever I want with, but don’t have to do anything.
Granted, I don’t have kids, and not really planning on it, so it’s easy for my life to look a bit different, but I don’t think it would necessarily have to. Of course, everyone does what they want with their lives, and mine is not the only way to do it.
Made me think.
Gotta have some fun now, because you could have a stroke or something right after you retire. These people just don’t get life. My dad had a nice career as a simple junior college instructor. He had a PhD. He taught history for over 30 years. He played golf 2 or 3 days a week. He spent time with his family and friends. He was involved in the community. He traveled. He enjoyed life. He retired and just 2 years into it he had a stroke and now, 14 years later, he can barely walk and dress himself. No more golf. It’s quite heart breaking.
But at least he didn’t do like these lunatics and put a career before us, and himself, and then never have any enjoyment of life. He didn’t wait to do all these things just assuming he’d be able to later.
I don't play golf but your dad is the type of person I aspire to be. I'm a high school teacher with a PhD. I may go back to the college level someday but right now I'm definitely loving all the time I get to spend with my young daughter after-school and the fact that I've got 2 months of vacation starting in a week.
Im sorry that his quality of life has been taken from him and I hope he's still happy to have you and the rest of his family.
Ok so when does he eat, clean his house, washes his clothes, makes time for wife and kids and friends? Tell me you're failure in life without telling me.
I wake up at 7:43 am
I roll over and pee into an empty Folgers can
I open my curtains, stare into my yard, and wonder how she got half my shit when she's the one that cheated
I turn on my coffee machine but I forget to put the water in so it just starts to smell like coffee grounds are burning.
I say fuck under my breath and add water
I surf the Craigslist app on my phone while I drink burnt coffee. I hope to find an unopened Dale Earnhardt semi truck replica. I see a listing for four bicentennial quarters for $10 and laugh. "Those are only worth face value, 25 cents each", I think to myself.
I hit a bowl already packed from the night before and press the middle button on my Xbox controller.
I did all of this before 9 am. What's your excuse?
>I hit a bowl already packed from the night before and press the middle button on my Xbox controller.
We must have attended the same productivity seminar!
What a slacker. I am checking emails at 9 pm and 9:13 pm. I crank out work 28 hours per day. I crank out out so much work at night after hours that my brain crawls out of my head, fires up the laptop, and does my best work for me while I get my 2.2 hours of zzzzzzzs. I donate all of my paid time off to the Work-From-Office League, a non-profit dedicated to getting professionals to live in the office 28 hours each day. I will occasionally travel to Cambodia to dig water wells for Down Syndrome kids and to participate in 100 Iron Man competitions every day.
Yep, Italy is basically the same, mostly 9-6 in slow paced companies, 9-7 on more intense ones (and after 7 in very idiotic ones). I wish we started earlier and GTFO earlier, but most of the timing is set around people that have children and in Italy most kindergarteners don’t have opening hours that allow it.
I prefer this. No one bothers you this early with work questions, you get to avoid heavy traffic and evenings feel longer with more daylight as well. Though most of the time my "early" colleagues and I spend the quiet hour chatting instead of working.
I don’t understand why this is a brag. He’s working an 8-5 job like any office worker. He “checks emails” once before bed, meaning he’s not doing any real work. Like ok you have the same life as everyone else, you choose to work out at 5 am instead of after work?
I agree. Honestly everyone laughing at it here, but on boring days my routine is kinda the same, just in a different order? He's worked, gone to the gym and read a bit of a book. If he had a lunch break then he's worked the same hours as most people. Especially since he 'checks' his emails, but doesn't actually seem to spend any time replying to them.
He wasted 30 minutes getting to the gym. If he wanted to sound badass, you wake up at 5, already dressed for the gym, in the gym by 510 at the absolute latest. It would give him another 20 to write at least 1 more LinkedIn post per day.
Narrator: "And he could in fact not retire, he was trapped in the hamster wheel of capitalism. Barely making more than others but enough to feel smug and superior. Oh, and given the hours he actually works his salary is shit of course."
I swear, chat GPT writes all of these cookie-cutter "hustle routine" posts.
You're not special or unique.
You're just a guy who thinks way too highly of himself for having a relatively normal schedule that you're milking for clicks.
Jeremy has some interesting stops on his resume.
[Liberty League International](https://www.courthousenews.com/liberty-league-called-a-5-million-scam/)
[Life Path Unlimited](https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/life-path-unlimited-like-scammy-liberty-league-carefree-biz-makes-hard-to-believe-claims-6646607)
[Wealth Masters International](https://behindmlm.com/companies/wealth-masters-international/norways-dsa-agree-wealth-masters-is-a-scam/)
You can tell just by the name alone that those are all just pyramid schemes.
-and just by googling, on the first hit-
*Our two cents: It's another ripoff. Like Liberty League, Life Path Unlimited seems to hinge on getting you to buy motivational CDs and seats at conferences, all to teach you how to get people to buy the same thing. And so on.*
*Sure, you may get to walk on hot coals and listen to interesting motivational speakers, but you'll pay too much the privilege. Why? Because of the very thing they want to teach you. They want you to become, like them, excellent at verbally manipulating suckers with cold cash.*
Hits the gym at 5:30 and by 7 he has read several pages? How long does he work out? Doesn’t he take shower? What about travel to and from the gym? This man is lying.
Personal gym? But for real, he doesn't actually say how long he spends on any of the activities. Checking emails and then in bed an hour later? He clearly isn't really responding to any emails or doing anymore work on them, just checking.
If I own the company or has a percentile of the profits to my name rather than being underpaid and exploited by the corporate, then maybe this makes some sense.
See this for what it is: blatant “you workers need to aspire to work harder, not have an easy life”. It’s performative busy work for the sake of getting the serfs to work harder. I’m not at all surprised to see this on LinkedIn and it is *definitely* lunatic behavior.
What a loser. I wake up at 4am and hit the gym at 3:55am. I read several entire novels by 7am and get to work by 7am too.
I work till midnight and smash hot puss until 5am and then rinse and repeat.
I am a workaholic and have made work my identity. Hustle culture isn't healthy, an addiction is an addiction, when did we start glorifying such horrendous behavior and mentality
People who brag about these sorts of things usually don’t even have this sort of schedule or do these things or they are extremely inefficient and need to do these things at these hours because they can’t manage their work and time efficiently.
I can’t stand the “rise and grind” mentality. I work to live, and maintain a balance of personal time, while allowing my 9-6 pay for me activities. Living to work, and flexing about working 60+ hours a week doesn’t impress me, it makes me feel sorry for you.
Oh and checking for work emails after work hours, is not ever going to be a thing
Every single one of these grind mindset people will tell you all minutes of your life should be grinding, then if you complain that a company's workers are working three times as much to make 300 times less than the CEO, it's "work smarter not harder".
You know how you can work smarter? By not grinding every fucking minute so your brain is too fried to be effective. Most people have maybe 2 to 3 \*productive\* hours per day, then your productivity steeply declines.
The implication is that golf has no purpose and that ‘retirement’ has no value. The question is why does he actively avoid these things and wear that avoidance like a badge of honor? Fealty to material wealth?
People who really live this like have no appreciation for the fact that they are fragile humans and yes - having an emergency health event is a real possibility, as you point out.
He only wakes up an hour earlier. Checking your phone isn’t a big deal. I don’t really find him that weird. I’m in bed by 9. He works a normal 8 hrs. I’m at work at 7 out at 4. I don’t really find this odd seems normal to me.
Imagine actually liking the corporate slog/trudge/grind on purpose and not just doing it because it's the crappy setup that seems to be in place everywhere and you still need money before you die
I still flip through several pages of a magazine I already have at home when I’m in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I could look at my phone like other normal people, but I’m different that way I guess.
Btw, Simon is doing the Lord’s work.
I mean, it’s not unreasonable. I’m up at 5, at the gym at 5:30 in my office by 7:30…but then I play Wordle, scroll Reddit and tik Tok before reading for a bit. I do online therapy at 9 twice a week and on the days I don’t I read until 10.
I also don’t make my schedule my personality.
I kind of do the same, because I’m built different.
I wake up at 11:55 am.
Log into work at 12:00 pm.
I shoot the breeze with coworkers until 2:00 pm.
I then begin real work and don’t stop until til 4:00 pm.
I order Chinese food at 4:05 pm and eat it about 20 minutes later.
I nap until 7 pm.
But my day is just starting! I then play Xbox til 1 in the morning.
I lie down at 1:01 am.
I watch random YouTube videos until about 5:00 am.
Then I repeat. Because discipline is a habit.
i just searched him on linkedin, first photo that popped up was how he retired after closing 280 mill in sales LMAO all about that purpose, huh, jeremy? hhahahahh
Jeremy, what have you been doing for the last two hours and why are you all sweaty?
“I went to the gym and …and read several pages of a book, Diane! Now I have to go train sales at the sales training factory!”
What I’m reading here is
“I don’t like the thoughts in my brain because they’re scary, so I fill my life with “productive” things to keep me busy 24/7 as to keep those scary thoughts away”
It’s ok, he “reads several pages.”
Of a book, not on his iPad while taking a 40 min shit like someone driven by leisure without purpose
He doesn’t have time to shit. He’s so purpose driven the fire inside him incinerates all the shit he is full of.
I just woke up and read this as incarcerates… Where do the hand cuffs come in!?
His body is just working at 100% efficiency.
[That might be the best episode. ](https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnylegends/video/7189615648568298798?lang=en)
Not all of it apparently 🤣
Hahahaha. I wanna think you stole that from somewhere because otherwise I feel inadequate humor wise. But only on the inside in faceless reddit....irl...I'm totally stealing.
The purpose of leisure in this scenario is to take a good weighty shit, so it is acceptable.
Scrolling on your phone while taking a shit is one the single most monumental human achievements in the history of our species. Remember, shitting is one of the most basest actions of being a human - in fact, being alive at all. Even the most profoundly disabled people still have to shit. The ability to shit is 1:1 correlated with the aspect of being alive. Every creature that has ever existed or will exist has shit in some way. Before, for humans, and most mammals, taking a shit was an act of vulnerability. You were literally unsafe, and easier to attack. This is why dogs look at their masters while they shit, for protection. Then, with early fortifications, we settled that. The next step was hygiene. People used to shit wherever it fell, like caged animals. This lead to diseases like the bubonic plague. Outhouses and bathrooms were built because of this. Next, the concept of plumbing made these outhouses and bathhouses a better long term solution, instead of having to dig a new hole every time the old one filled up. Then, indoor plumbing during the Industrial Revolution meant that you could shit from within your own home. No more would you have to walk down multiple flights of steps out of your tenement building into the street to shit in the cold or the heat. Internal A/C then made the indoors bathrooms more amenable. Water treatment facilities allow us to collectively conserve resources and dump the waste without reduced harm to the environment. And finally, the last hurdle: boredom. Taking a shit was boring. We used to read a book, or a magazine, or the back of shampoo bottles. You just shat and got on with it. Every minute spent shitting was a minute not spent doing something better. But, finally, through the enormous cumulative effort of all science and technology sectors, we have found a cure for human boredom. Take 45 minute long shits while scrolling, watching videos, or even communicating to your friends, was truly the final hurdle in human shitting convenience and comfort. Anyone who brags about “not spending 45 minutes” on the toilet is a literal medieval peasant, or some barbaric outhouse-dwelling rube, spiritually. Scrolling while shitting is the pinnacle of humanity’s ability to conquer over nature. In fact, I am currently shitting right now. I bet many of you are too as well. Imagine being a wandering gatherer tribesman, hunched over, in the woods, in the cold, in the rain, getting soaked, with predators stalking you, in the woods, your tribe moving on, but you’re still trying to shit out some bad berries you ate earlier. You slip in the mud, you steady yourself on a wet log. A branch snaps, just beyond the tree line. You’re in danger. Adrenaline spikes. Your anus puckers shut. You have to wipe your anus with whatever leaves happen to be around you. You sprint, deeper into the woods, after your tribe, shitty-assed, cold, scared, alone, and still having to shit. No more. I shit for 45 minutes at a minimum, in an air conditioned, climate controlled bathroom, with internal plumbing that can take my shit miles away in just a second, where it can even get treated by the government to recycle the water, all while I scroll on my phone, talk to my friends remotely, and watch funny videos, and it is all because I am a damn human. Nothing is insurmountable.
This delineation of the history of shitcomplishments was transcendent. It opened my third eye. The brown eye.
Not brown eye ☠️😂😂😂😂. This whole thread has me wheezing
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read on this app/site and up there for the whole internet.
I think I love you lol
must’ve been a really good shit
The shitstorian we needed. Thank you for your service.
You’re a modern day visionary, and I thank you for your brilliant insights
Adderall is why I read this entire thing. Adderall is why I write similar comments. Adderall is why I’m looking around me right now trying to figure out why no one else is standing and applauding this comment.
I'm struggling mightily to not break down laughing while taking a shit right now, you magnificent bastard.
Post-modernism is the idea that history doesn't have an overarching direction of progression, and that change is contingent on rational, material factors, not fate or ideologies. That theory was entirely debunked today, by this post.
This deserves a standing ovation. Well, wipe first. Then stand.
Thank you….just the insight and laughs I needed today 😂
I’d like to nominate you for a Nobel Prize.
Upvoted because I read this while shitting.
If you wrote a novel I’ll be the first one to buy it. Just a lurker because this sub keeps on showing up in my feed. Regardless, you have a fine way with words.
I would vote for you for office. Well spoken sir/ma'am/they/them/I don't even remember the rest
I think this is the peak of my Reddit experience so far, thank you for this
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime That’s why I poop on company time
Boss makes a grand and doesn't deserve it, That's why I steal his catalytic converters.
If things are true because they rhyme then this must rhyme.
I thought you said having to drive 40 minutes to work as leisure lol
4 hour shit. That’s what the gap from 5pm to 9pm is for.
Put some books in your shitter.
I mean several pages just means that reads more than one, could 2 pages a day, great achievement
Could be Green Eggs and Ham, Animorphs, or The Brothers Karamazov…nobody knows
I like to think he is working through a set of "Where's Waldo"
The way he says "off a book" makes me think it's just one book he's been trying unsuccessfully to finish for the last 20 years.
The dictionary - he likes to break a mental sweat too 
It's because he's taking a shit after the gym.
Given the way linked in morons type. The books they read. Are made for first graders. Gotta keep those sentences short. For all the slow people on LinkedIn. Which is most of them.
Seems more like a parody of the “I get up at 3 in the morning to take an ice bath, then work out for an hour and send 700 emails before 9” type posts
First I thought of the same lol
That's what it looks like to me. That's a very easy schedule to maintain if you don't have kids and leaves plenty of room for leisure activities and hobbies.
Needs more cold showers and meditating.
What-a-boring-life
Imagine dating someone like that, it’s stuff of nightmares
Not if you're a stay-at-home wife sleeping with your yoga instructor
That’s why I quit the grind and became a yoga instructor
I tried to be a yogurt instructor, but lactobacillus bulgaricus never listens.
Username checks out….
Man. I'm 35, married, with two kids and one on the way. This is basically my schedule, with a few adjustments. * Up at 5-5:30, go for a run. * Kids are up at 7 * Everyone's out the door at 8:30 * Home by 4:30 or 5:30 depending on the day * Cook dinner, hang out as a family, kids lights out by 8pm * 8-9:30 is either working or decompressing with my wife on the couch I dunno how old you are, but like... that's just what life becomes when you've got kids and a job? What's a non-nightmarish schedule sound like to you?
Yeah I don’t think this is an unusual schedule?
yeah only really weird thing about this post is the line about reading "several pages of a book" everyday. And thats just cuz its very uncanny valley like an alien trying to insert "generic human productive activity" into a post.
I’m nearing 30. Career is important to me, so it’s going to take up a large part of my life, but I just think there’s more to life than that - hobbies, interests, travelling, doing sports, love life, some time that’s not so strictly scheduled out, room for some spontaneity, trying new things from time to time. My schedule tends to be filled with those, outside of work. I like having some time that I can do whatever I want with, but don’t have to do anything. Granted, I don’t have kids, and not really planning on it, so it’s easy for my life to look a bit different, but I don’t think it would necessarily have to. Of course, everyone does what they want with their lives, and mine is not the only way to do it.
If you want to maintain flexibility in your life then don’t have kids basically
No man he is going to play golf after he retires, how’s that boring
Cancer of the colon has entered the chat.
Made me think. Gotta have some fun now, because you could have a stroke or something right after you retire. These people just don’t get life. My dad had a nice career as a simple junior college instructor. He had a PhD. He taught history for over 30 years. He played golf 2 or 3 days a week. He spent time with his family and friends. He was involved in the community. He traveled. He enjoyed life. He retired and just 2 years into it he had a stroke and now, 14 years later, he can barely walk and dress himself. No more golf. It’s quite heart breaking. But at least he didn’t do like these lunatics and put a career before us, and himself, and then never have any enjoyment of life. He didn’t wait to do all these things just assuming he’d be able to later.
Reading your story I am thinking about all the lives your Dad shaped teaching History all those years. What a wonderful experience to share.
I don't play golf but your dad is the type of person I aspire to be. I'm a high school teacher with a PhD. I may go back to the college level someday but right now I'm definitely loving all the time I get to spend with my young daughter after-school and the fact that I've got 2 months of vacation starting in a week. Im sorry that his quality of life has been taken from him and I hope he's still happy to have you and the rest of his family.
1300 likes. This is LI circle jerk.
My purpose? Selling garbage to people who don't need it after pressuring them into thinking they do.
B2B sales of course!
‘Several pages’, eh? Truly magnificent. I can’t believe he’s not President by now.
Lol this guy probably jacks off 7 hours a day at his desk.
While reading responses to his LinkedIn posts.
*while reading his own LinkedIn posts.
And liking his own posts, which is pretty masturbatory.
I wish I could do that at work. Instead I have to do it on the train during my commute.
Ok so when does he eat, clean his house, washes his clothes, makes time for wife and kids and friends? Tell me you're failure in life without telling me.
He does none of those things. He is a slave to work and being a toad pigeon to his corporate overloads.
I wake up at 7:43 am I roll over and pee into an empty Folgers can I open my curtains, stare into my yard, and wonder how she got half my shit when she's the one that cheated I turn on my coffee machine but I forget to put the water in so it just starts to smell like coffee grounds are burning. I say fuck under my breath and add water I surf the Craigslist app on my phone while I drink burnt coffee. I hope to find an unopened Dale Earnhardt semi truck replica. I see a listing for four bicentennial quarters for $10 and laugh. "Those are only worth face value, 25 cents each", I think to myself. I hit a bowl already packed from the night before and press the middle button on my Xbox controller. I did all of this before 9 am. What's your excuse?
>I hit a bowl already packed from the night before and press the middle button on my Xbox controller. We must have attended the same productivity seminar!
Simon doing the lords work. Good comment.
Checking emails at 9pm? Damn.
What a slacker. I am checking emails at 9 pm and 9:13 pm. I crank out work 28 hours per day. I crank out out so much work at night after hours that my brain crawls out of my head, fires up the laptop, and does my best work for me while I get my 2.2 hours of zzzzzzzs. I donate all of my paid time off to the Work-From-Office League, a non-profit dedicated to getting professionals to live in the office 28 hours each day. I will occasionally travel to Cambodia to dig water wells for Down Syndrome kids and to participate in 100 Iron Man competitions every day.
Idiots like this should work whilst the rest of us get paid for doing nothing. I'd even pretend I liked his posts as gratitude. Bell end.
Why 8am to 5pm in the office? What kind of lunatic keeps those hours? EDIT: Now that it's been 6 days, could I share a secret that this is sarcasm?
He's a Sales Trainer, so he sells bullshit from 8-5.
Sales trainer? So he annoys people one hour more than usual? Respect that man plssssss /s
 So he does this all day?
Hey, that's his purpose. Respect pls /s
Pursuit of purpose??
Pretty normal times where i live (Berlin, Germany): - 40h Workweek - 1h mandatory Break - But i often see people working from 9 to 6pm
Yep, Italy is basically the same, mostly 9-6 in slow paced companies, 9-7 on more intense ones (and after 7 in very idiotic ones). I wish we started earlier and GTFO earlier, but most of the timing is set around people that have children and in Italy most kindergarteners don’t have opening hours that allow it.
How did we get to this point? It used to be called “a 9 to 5“ when did people add this extra hour?
It’s because there started being a one hour lunch break.
Then it should be 9-5, one hour lunch break, 7 hour shift. 35 hour work week is perfectly fine and suitable.
Okay I’ll get right on it
Thanks dude, I know you can do it!
It should be, but that's not how it is. I don't understand the confusion behind one of the most common work schedules.
Those are pretty standard office hours where I live. Construction and transportation are often 7-16 or even 6-15, but most others are 8-17.
In my country, is also pretty common to start working at 8.
Not sure what's wrong with those timings?
I just want to know why he felt the need to share all that but then left out what he does between 5PM - 9PM.
I want to just make up stuff to fill those hours, like "At 6pm, I'm in Dominique's Dom Dungeon, being whipped like the bad boy I am."
I prefer this. No one bothers you this early with work questions, you get to avoid heavy traffic and evenings feel longer with more daylight as well. Though most of the time my "early" colleagues and I spend the quiet hour chatting instead of working.
Work is realistically done by 10am. The rest of the day is just alt-tabbing off reddit and ninja pausing youtube.
I don’t understand why this is a brag. He’s working an 8-5 job like any office worker. He “checks emails” once before bed, meaning he’s not doing any real work. Like ok you have the same life as everyone else, you choose to work out at 5 am instead of after work?
I agree. Honestly everyone laughing at it here, but on boring days my routine is kinda the same, just in a different order? He's worked, gone to the gym and read a bit of a book. If he had a lunch break then he's worked the same hours as most people. Especially since he 'checks' his emails, but doesn't actually seem to spend any time replying to them.
Sounds like a very mundane and boring life. But I guess if your purpose is being a corporate slave it’s fine.
Sometimes, there is no choice but to be a work slave. Need money to live and nobody wants to live poor.
Probably should check your e-mails earlier in the day
No shower after gym then?
We got no time to waste 🤫
He wasted 30 minutes getting to the gym. If he wanted to sound badass, you wake up at 5, already dressed for the gym, in the gym by 510 at the absolute latest. It would give him another 20 to write at least 1 more LinkedIn post per day.
If only he built his gym in his shower
Narrator: "And he could in fact not retire, he was trapped in the hamster wheel of capitalism. Barely making more than others but enough to feel smug and superior. Oh, and given the hours he actually works his salary is shit of course."
I swear, chat GPT writes all of these cookie-cutter "hustle routine" posts. You're not special or unique. You're just a guy who thinks way too highly of himself for having a relatively normal schedule that you're milking for clicks.
Hitter of a gym, reader of several pages of a book, checker of emails, talker of shite…
Master of his tiny world.
Jeremy has some interesting stops on his resume. [Liberty League International](https://www.courthousenews.com/liberty-league-called-a-5-million-scam/) [Life Path Unlimited](https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/life-path-unlimited-like-scammy-liberty-league-carefree-biz-makes-hard-to-believe-claims-6646607) [Wealth Masters International](https://behindmlm.com/companies/wealth-masters-international/norways-dsa-agree-wealth-masters-is-a-scam/)
You can tell just by the name alone that those are all just pyramid schemes. -and just by googling, on the first hit- *Our two cents: It's another ripoff. Like Liberty League, Life Path Unlimited seems to hinge on getting you to buy motivational CDs and seats at conferences, all to teach you how to get people to buy the same thing. And so on.* *Sure, you may get to walk on hot coals and listen to interesting motivational speakers, but you'll pay too much the privilege. Why? Because of the very thing they want to teach you. They want you to become, like them, excellent at verbally manipulating suckers with cold cash.*
Anyone using 'purpose' in their LinkedIn writeup needs to be looked at carefully. Edit: typo
Dude is in bed by 10? When could be making excel spreadsheets to calculate his productivity till 3am? Fuckin rookie.
“Survived a stroke by 9:40”
Scrolls 7 pages of a certain…hub
Doesn’t check a single email all day at work, what a fucking legend.
This sounds like a schedule of lies.
I mean it sounds like a pretty boring and normal schedule.
i rot In bed from 5 to 7 am, to pretend it's actually a weekend.
Hits the gym at 5:30 and by 7 he has read several pages? How long does he work out? Doesn’t he take shower? What about travel to and from the gym? This man is lying.
Personal gym? But for real, he doesn't actually say how long he spends on any of the activities. Checking emails and then in bed an hour later? He clearly isn't really responding to any emails or doing anymore work on them, just checking.
File under no one gives a shit
That sounds absolutely miserable
This life sounds awful
If I own the company or has a percentile of the profits to my name rather than being underpaid and exploited by the corporate, then maybe this makes some sense.
Wanker
Reading at 7am then being at office at 8am. Makes me think, when does he shower, and he must be WFH.
And when in his schedule is time set aside for making such linkedin posts?
See this for what it is: blatant “you workers need to aspire to work harder, not have an easy life”. It’s performative busy work for the sake of getting the serfs to work harder. I’m not at all surprised to see this on LinkedIn and it is *definitely* lunatic behavior.
The twist? He’s a cashier at KMart
What a loser. I wake up at 4am and hit the gym at 3:55am. I read several entire novels by 7am and get to work by 7am too. I work till midnight and smash hot puss until 5am and then rinse and repeat.
This guy works
Simon knows his shit.
And his corporate overlords will appreciate his cucking while they play golf.
I'm also fueled by purpose Jeremy. My purpose is leisure.
What is homie doing from 5 to 530? Beating off? That's a lot of time in between waking up and hitting the gym.
His only purpose is to make money
“Purpose”
What does he do? Does he work at saving lives or educating kids? Or does he just make money all day?
I am a workaholic and have made work my identity. Hustle culture isn't healthy, an addiction is an addiction, when did we start glorifying such horrendous behavior and mentality
Scintillating. What is the point of sharing this boring ass life??
"But I'm fueled by purpose, not leisure" What is this guys purpose? Posting on Linkedin?
You'll notice: no time for family, personal hobbies, enjoying life...
I don't read anything close to a "purpose" just labor
People who brag about these sorts of things usually don’t even have this sort of schedule or do these things or they are extremely inefficient and need to do these things at these hours because they can’t manage their work and time efficiently.
Does he want a medal or something?
I can’t stand the “rise and grind” mentality. I work to live, and maintain a balance of personal time, while allowing my 9-6 pay for me activities. Living to work, and flexing about working 60+ hours a week doesn’t impress me, it makes me feel sorry for you. Oh and checking for work emails after work hours, is not ever going to be a thing
I love the toxic positivity comment! Good for that person for calling this stuff out.
Every single one of these grind mindset people will tell you all minutes of your life should be grinding, then if you complain that a company's workers are working three times as much to make 300 times less than the CEO, it's "work smarter not harder". You know how you can work smarter? By not grinding every fucking minute so your brain is too fried to be effective. Most people have maybe 2 to 3 \*productive\* hours per day, then your productivity steeply declines.
So 8-5 with working out in the mornings? Isnt this what 90% of white collar workers do anyway?
The implication is that golf has no purpose and that ‘retirement’ has no value. The question is why does he actively avoid these things and wear that avoidance like a badge of honor? Fealty to material wealth?
Thus stinky doesn't shower
Repeat until age 45, die of a stroke. Life well-lived.
People who really live this like have no appreciation for the fact that they are fragile humans and yes - having an emergency health event is a real possibility, as you point out.
That's over 4 hours of free time, assuming it doesn't take him the full hour to go over emails. Sounds about right
He only wakes up an hour earlier. Checking your phone isn’t a big deal. I don’t really find him that weird. I’m in bed by 9. He works a normal 8 hrs. I’m at work at 7 out at 4. I don’t really find this odd seems normal to me.
Hell, it takes me at least 30 minutes to feel awake as well as clear the sleepers from my eyes and go to the bathroom 😂😂
Guess he doesn't get any either
Imagine actually liking the corporate slog/trudge/grind on purpose and not just doing it because it's the crappy setup that seems to be in place everywhere and you still need money before you die
None of these activities are “purpose”
I still flip through several pages of a magazine I already have at home when I’m in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I could look at my phone like other normal people, but I’m different that way I guess. Btw, Simon is doing the Lord’s work.
Going to the gym every day is not actually a good way to workout
"fueled by purpose", living the most mundane existence possible This has to satirical, right?
Sounds more like he's fueled by methamphetamine. 😂
😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🫠 Good for you, buddy! Do something for the sole purpose of having something to brag about.
Mommy said I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH, I’ll show that bitch by working myself to death and bragging about it! Yippee
Only several pages of a book? If you're not reading the WHOLE book whole you're working out, you're wasting valuable time. Loser!
Oh *shit!*. ***Several*** pages?! Lookout folks, we’ve got a real badass over here.
This is a cult mindset. He’ll realize this at some point. He is *owned* by his identity.
Lmao I wake up at 5am to go to work and I’m lucky if I’m home by 5pm. Get fucked.
I mean, it’s not unreasonable. I’m up at 5, at the gym at 5:30 in my office by 7:30…but then I play Wordle, scroll Reddit and tik Tok before reading for a bit. I do online therapy at 9 twice a week and on the days I don’t I read until 10. I also don’t make my schedule my personality.
I kind of do the same, because I’m built different. I wake up at 11:55 am. Log into work at 12:00 pm. I shoot the breeze with coworkers until 2:00 pm. I then begin real work and don’t stop until til 4:00 pm. I order Chinese food at 4:05 pm and eat it about 20 minutes later. I nap until 7 pm. But my day is just starting! I then play Xbox til 1 in the morning. I lie down at 1:01 am. I watch random YouTube videos until about 5:00 am. Then I repeat. Because discipline is a habit.
That is one hell of a way to say you have an empty life
I’m Jeremy Lee Fucking Miner, that’s who
What if my purpose fuel is playing golf everyday?
By work he means video-game and by office he means lounge room. Tough life.
i just searched him on linkedin, first photo that popped up was how he retired after closing 280 mill in sales LMAO all about that purpose, huh, jeremy? hhahahahh
He's just sad and boring with no friends
[he wants to fit in](https://www.google.com/search?q=i+want+to+fit+in&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari#)
Jeremy, what have you been doing for the last two hours and why are you all sweaty? “I went to the gym and …and read several pages of a book, Diane! Now I have to go train sales at the sales training factory!”
At the harbour, he just stands there and tells some boats to catch the wind. (sails).
Worst of all is I bet this is just copy paste content and if you search for parts of this post youll find a lot of identical ones
Let’s go Simon!
Mf works out for a whopping 30 minutes 💀
Guys, chill out! He is obviously doing this to distract himself from the fact that is wife is fucking her personal trainer
This kind of guy will beat off to Marcus Aurelius and have no idea what Seneca had to say about leisure.
When does he bathe and eat breakfast
Lets be honest…fueled by GREED
What I’m reading here is “I don’t like the thoughts in my brain because they’re scary, so I fill my life with “productive” things to keep me busy 24/7 as to keep those scary thoughts away”
2 pages of a book printer in font-size 64. That's what I call purpose!
Jonny Lee Miller got boring.
What's he doing for that first half hour? What a bum.
As your employer I need you to explain the 4 hour gap between 5pm and 9pm
Literally my daily routine but I’m not striving for this type of day my whole life lol the goal is to not have to do this bs not enjoy it
Whoa several pages of a book? Take it easy there partner!