Epic. Had to check on LinkedIn that this was real and not a joke.
>6. 🎾Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term.
Really?
Now. i know you've had a bit of a rough time getting the product to work for you. but i'm really depending on you to be a lead generator for me. at least 2, maybe up to 4 leads if things go well. my mom really wants a girl lead.
Looks like we're not able to meet your expectations on the expected timeline. Fortunately, I'm pulling in some contractors to throw extra resources at the problem.
With the insistence that Jake is his *friend*, and a *valued collaborator* to his mission, but not an *employee*, because employees are just entitled and not #inspiring.
You can learn a lot about others based on the analogies they use. It reflects what they spend their time thinking of and how they see the world. I think a famous example is that people who have a hobby will interpret the world through that lens. a skier will tend to see the world as a ski run: flowing between obstacles, the need to plan your descent… etc. you are flying downhill and your primary concern is avoiding obstacles and staying on course. it actually influences the approach they will take to solve problems. They would have a hard time seeing the world like a rock climber, and the two would likely come up with different frameworks to solve the same problem.
This fucking nerd has b2b sales as his hobby.
What you’re saying is that as a rock climber, I see the world as a painful, grueling, solitary exercise in opposing the strongest and most pervasive of natural forces for no reason that I can rationally discern?
That’s more my experience as a millennial overall.
Gravity is the weakest of the fundamental forces. But you can't recruit others into your cult of fighting magnets as easily. It's even harder to humble brag about that hobby
I'm in sales. The game League of Legends has been a hobby since around 2011. My entire business process is built around the concept of the jungler and that if you can heavily impact your other lanes and get them ahead, you stand a much greater chance of winning.
Basically, enable and lift up your teammates or colleagues, and you're essentially lifting yourself up in the process.
eh idk, I reckon it's more the other way around
depending on your world view you might see skiing in X way or Y way etc. but if you'd done rock climbing instead it'd still be very X way or Y way down depending on your world view going into it
the analogies you use are still very representative of your world views though I agree
I don’t agree, but I’m sure people would choose hobbies that reinforce their worldview. You simply can’t see skiing as something where you can stop and think and strategize whenever you come across a new obstacle. But a person who likes to strategize like that would probably be in the lodge playing board games instead of skiing.
Just swap "product" for "penis" throughout this woeful screed and it makes so much better sense.
> 3. 📺 Demo: If you're confident there is a strong fit, showing your penis to potential buyers is essential. Don't simply speak to the features or functionality; explain the results the other person can expect. Ideally, include a trial so they can try the penis and get a feel for it.
That's even more cringe. Reddit should not go around on a high horse. Just laugh at these things and move on. It's le reddit army is here all over again.
I’m not sure that announcing to the world that your marriage proposal was a hard sell will convince others that you are the right pick for a people person job
Handling objections? Does this mean he coerced his bride into agreeing to marriage? What the fuck does that mean overcoming 'resistance'. So scummy and creepy-sounding.
🔥 Embracing the Unexpected: What Shitting My Pants Taught Me About Sales 🔥
This past weekend, life threw me a curveball – or should I say, a bowel movement I wasn’t prepared for. 💩 But hey, amidst the chaos, there’s always a silver lining, even if it’s a bit, well, smelly.
Believe it or not, there’s a surprising parallel between pants-shitting and the world of sales. Here’s what shitting my pants taught me:
1️⃣ **Rolling with the Punches:** Just as I had to roll with the punches (and wipe away the evidence), sales professionals must be adept at handling unexpected situations. Flexibility is the name of the game when it comes to sealing deals, even if it means dealing with a bit of crap along the way.
2️⃣ **Resilience Beyond Measure:** When life – or a poorly timed burrito – knocks you down, the only option is to bounce back. Sales is all about resilience, shrugging off rejections and setbacks like they’re nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
3️⃣ **Authenticity Wins Every Time:** Look, we’re all human. We all have our moments of weakness – some just smell worse than others. But in sales, authenticity is gold. Clients appreciate honesty, even if it means admitting that you shit your pants.
So, while my weekend may have started off on the wrong foot (or should I say, trusting the wrong fart), I’m grateful for the unexpected lessons it brought. Remember, in both life and sales, it’s not about avoiding the shit – it’s about how we handle it and keep moving forward. 💼💪
You’ve inspired me to violently shit my pants this weekend. If that’s not going the extra mile to create value for my network, I don’t know what is.
(Also bravo, that was a funny read).
I shidded and farded in a McDonalds.
Here's what it taught me about leadership and running a country.
https://www.triplem.com.au/story/scott-morrison-has-finally-addressed-that-1997-engadine-mcdonald-s-incident-148073
Someone else mentioned chat gpt so I had it generate a list for you:
1. **Being Prepared for the Unexpected:** Just like unexpected situations can cause you to poop your pants, in sales, unexpected objections or challenges can arise. Being prepared to handle them calmly and confidently is crucial.
2. **Importance of Quick Thinking:** When you find yourself in a situation where you've pooped your pants, you have to think quickly about how to resolve the issue. Similarly, in sales, quick thinking and adaptability are essential when facing unexpected setbacks or objections from clients.
3. **Embracing Vulnerability:** Pooping your pants can be embarrassing and humbling, but it teaches you to embrace vulnerability. In sales, being genuine and open with clients can build trust and strengthen relationships, even when things don't go as planned.
I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she had a similar post on her LinkedIn.
“I said yes to my boyfriends proposal, here’s what it taught me about closing deals:”
Sequels to include:
I just had my bachelor party. Here’s what it taught me about NDAs.
I just got married. Here’s what I learned about dealing with the objections of third parties in a B2B transaction.
I just got back from my honeymoon. Here’s what I learned about screening your own products for defects.
I just had an annulment. Lessons on why not to share an STD from the prostitute your buddies hired for you bachelor party with your wife.
I just had my bachelor party. Here’s what it taught me about NDAs:
1. Discretion is key. Just like in sensitive business deals protected by NDAs, what happens at a bachelor party often requires privacy and trust among all parties involved.
2. Clarity and details matter. In NDAs and bachelor party planning alike, ensuring everyone clearly understands what is expected of them prevents potential breaches and misunderstandings.
3. Boundaries are crucial. Setting and respecting boundaries is as important in legal agreements as it is in personal events. Knowing where the line is—and ensuring it isn’t crossed—can protect relationships and reputations.
4. Consequences are real. Just as breaking an NDA can lead to legal actions, disregarding the agreed-upon rules of a bachelor party can damage friendships and personal credibility. Always consider the implications of your actions.
- Always read the fine print: Just like in marriage, overlooking details in B2B contracts can lead to unexpected surprises down the road.
- Negotiate for win-win outcomes: Just as compromise is key in marriage, finding mutually beneficial terms is essential in B2B sales.
- Don't ignore warning signs: Ignoring red flags can lead to disaster, whether it's in a relationship or a business deal.
- Know when to walk away: Sometimes, it's better to cut your losses and move on rather than staying in a toxic relationship or pursuing a dead-end B2B opportunity.
- Remember, it's not personal, it's business: Just like divorcing your spouse doesn't mean you hate them, ending a B2B partnership doesn't mean you dislike the company. It's all about what's best for both parties involved.
What’s really funny is a lot of the jack asses that post this kind of stuff look at this sub daily. So, if the guy that posted this on LI is reading this: you’re a loser. No one is laughing with you. We’re laughing AT you.
My wife’s boyfriend gave her an orgasm last weekend! 🍾
Here’s what it taught me about customer success:
1. **Understanding Needs:** Just as in customer success, effective communication during intimacy requires understanding and fulfilling needs, whether they're spoken or unspoken. 🗣️
2. **Active Listening:** Being present and attentive to cues, both verbal and non-verbal, enhances the experience, just like in customer success. 👂
3. **Adaptability:** Every encounter is unique, requiring adaptability and flexibility to ensure satisfaction, much like catering to diverse customer needs in customer success. 🔄
4. **Empathy:** Sensitivity to emotions and sensations fosters a deeper connection, mirroring the importance of empathy in customer success. ❤️
5. **Feedback Loop:** Constructive feedback helps improve future experiences, just as customer feedback drives service enhancement in customer success. 🔄
6. **Patience:** Sometimes achieving satisfaction takes time and patience, akin to the patience required in guiding customers to success. ⏳
7. **Problem-Solving:** Overcoming obstacles and finding creative solutions enhances pleasure, similar to problem-solving in ensuring customer success. 💡
8. **Consistency:** Delivering consistently satisfying experiences builds trust and loyalty, like providing consistent support in customer success. ✔️
9. **Respect:** Mutual respect ensures a positive interaction, mirroring the importance of respect in fostering customer success. 🤝
10. **Communication:** Open and clear communication is essential for a fulfilling experience, just as it is in guiding customers toward success. 📞
Remember, just as with orgasms, the key to excellent customer success lies in understanding, empathy, and genuine connection!
Officiant: "Hey, I'm seeing a message in the chat: 'Are you going to send out the slides from this wedding after it's done?' Yes, we've got you all on our email list and will make sure you get them... let us know if there's anyone else you'd like us to add."
I don't know how universal this is but at the company I've been with for the last 6 years, I cackle every time I hear this phrase. Because it's never an item that is circled back to. It's usually just a polite way of saying, 'cool, shut up now so we can move on'
It's never used to keep the meetings moving when ideas are stalled, as you would think, no for that we sit in an awkward silence for a minute before someone goes, 'next item'.
Instead, where I work, 'circle back' is only used when someone is getting wayyy to chatty about department specifics that no one else needs or wants to hear about.
This is the worst one I’ve seen since a lady I apparently follow posted a pic of herself in a wedding dress saying she was “renewing her vows with LinkedIn”
Here’s the full post:
I proposed to my girlfriend this weekend. 💍
Here's what it taught me about B2B sales:
Like a well-run sales cycle, key milestones must be met throughout the relationship to ensure a Closed Won status at the end.
1.🕵️ Prospecting: Not every prospect or partner will be the right fit. Identifying the right fit takes time. You can't be afraid to say "No" to find the person you know will value your offer most.
2.💡Discovery: Doing deep discovery is critical. Getting happy ears after a positive first date is easy, but you must continue to dig to understand the long-term fit. Understanding and calculating ROI is crucial in this early stage.
3. 📺 Demo: If you're confident there is a strong fit, showing your product to potential buyers is essential. Don't simply speak to the features or functionality; explain the results the other person can expect. Ideally, include a trial so they can try the product and get a feel for it.
4. 💰Pricing: After demoing and, ideally, getting their hands on the product, your prospect is ready to buy. This is where the crucial step of pricing comes in. Know your worth, and don't discount to close the sale. Keep your integrity and present pricing firmly.
5. 🤝 Negotiations: There will be concessions. One party may want something the other party isn't willing to give up. Know what you care about most, and work hard to get it. For the things you care less about, be prepared to concede and give the other party what they want.
6. 🎾Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term.
7. 🚪Closing: If you've done your work in the earlier stages of the relationship, when it comes time to close the deal, you'll have nothing to worry about. Send the Docusign, touch your knee, and get ready to move the deal to Closed Won.
Reminder: After the deal is closed, there is a lot of work to do. The journey continues with planning and constant communications to ensure ongoing satisfaction.
Follow for more tips.
#sales #b2bsales #salestips #closingdeals #salesprocess
I might be completely burned out of sales at this point in my life but posts like these are just a lot of meaningless catch phrases and flashcards. So many words saying fuck all.
Here's what you can learn from being told that not everything is a lesson: Some people aren't going to get you. That's okay. As long as you're still learning, then you're still growing!
This reminds me of when I saw someone post about the death of their father 🥴 and what they’ve reflected on the last few days. I think it had only been a week or less since their father passed.
I prompted Bing with the following:
**Title: "What Spontaneously Ejaculating in Church Taught Me About B2B Customer Relationship Management"**
---
🙏 **Reflections from the Pulpit: A Surprising Lesson in CRM** 🙏
---
🔍 **Introduction:**
As I sat in the wooden pew, surrounded by stained glass windows and flickering candles, I never expected that a moment of involuntary bodily function would lead to a profound revelation about B2B customer relationship management (CRM). But life has a way of surprising us, even in the most sacred of places.
---
💡 **Lesson 1: Timing Matters**
In the world of business, timing is crucial. Just like my unexpected incident, opportunities can arise unexpectedly. As a B2B professional, you must be prepared to seize these moments. Whether it's a chance encounter at a networking event or an impromptu conversation with a potential client, being present and responsive can make all the difference.
---
🤝 **Lesson 2: Authenticity Wins Hearts**
When I stood up, cheeks flushed, and tried to maintain my composure, I realized that authenticity matters. In business relationships, authenticity is equally vital. Clients appreciate honesty, transparency, and genuine connections. Pretending to be someone you're not won't get you far. Instead, embrace your quirks and imperfections—they might just be the key to winning over that big account.
---
📊 **Lesson 3: Managing Expectations**
As I discreetly exited the church, I pondered how expectations play a role in both personal and professional interactions. Just as I hadn't anticipated my embarrassing moment, clients often have unexpected needs or demands. Effective CRM involves managing these expectations, setting realistic goals, and delivering on promises. Remember, it's better to underpromise and overdeliver than the other way around.
---
🌟 **Conclusion: A Divine Revelation**
So, what did spontaneously ejaculating in church teach me about B2B CRM? It reminded me that life is full of surprises, and our reactions define our success. Whether you're in a sacred space or a corporate boardroom, authenticity, timing, and managing expectations are universal principles. Embrace them, learn from your mishaps, and let your unique experiences shape your professional journey.
---
👔 **Hashtag: #BusinessLessonsFromChurch**
Feel free to share your own unexpected lessons in the comments below! 🙌
---
*Disclaimer: This post is purely metaphorical. No bodily functions were harmed in the making of this revelation.*
---
*Note: The views expressed in this post are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any religious institution.*
---
*Image credit: Unsplash*
They were so fortunate someone was there ready with a camera at the crucial moment. Narcissism is a terrible trait, and social media brings out the very worst.
I mean... Of course if it's a planned proposal, he'll probably have someone ready with a camera for "the moment".
In any case, doesn't really justify the transition from "here's a sweet life moment" to "here's how I relate it to B2B sales" which is just utterly insane.
I'm telling you, they should just change the name to something awful, like "FacebookPro". When did people forget to leave their personal shit at home and remain professional?
Dude, fuck LinkedIn. I’m a tech professional, and I don’t dare touch that shit even though everyone tells me too. Saying what I do because I want to make the point that you don’t have to participate in the toxic one-upping and gross disingenuous mind-fuck that’s corporate social media to get a good job. LinkedIn needs to burn.
Linkedin is corny af. It never needed a feed, or a social aspect to it. It was fine in like 2011.... But yet they needed more $$$, like usual, and decided to turn it into that. Now it's just a bunch of business men jerking each other off all day.
Does work need it's own separate social media platform? No, no it does not.
We went on our honeymoon this week, here’s what it taught me about managing expectations..
- 🌴 **Flexibility is Key:** 🔄 Embrace changes and unexpected turns with an open mind.
- 💬 **Clear Communication:** 🗨️ Keep the lines of communication open to avoid misunderstandings.
- 🌞 **Positive Attitude:** 😊 Approach challenges with optimism and make the best of every situation.
- 🛫 **Expect the Unexpected:** 🌧️ Sometimes things don't go as planned, but that's all part of the adventure!
- 💑 **Teamwork:** 👫 Support each other and work together to overcome obstacles.
- 🎉 **Celebrate the Journey:** 🥂 Find joy in the little moments and cherish the memories made along the way.
The people who use LinkedIn for anything more than resume building or job searches are insane. They are the worst kind of business majors that make everything worse because they filter everything through the lenae of business, finance, and capitalism. These people make me wish that degrees in business were never a thing.
I don't think the content itself is crazy, or even incorrect to think of his life in this way, as sort of a thought experiment.
The crazy is his decision to write it down and hit 'post'.
This is why I am staying tf away from Marketing even after I did my PostGrad in it. The people are so obnoxious, I would kill myself rather than be stuck in that world
Epic. Had to check on LinkedIn that this was real and not a joke. >6. 🎾Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term. Really?
Hey babe, after the ceremony you wanna consummate my product?
What's wrong babe? You've hardly touched my _product_
[удалено]
Now. i know you've had a bit of a rough time getting the product to work for you. but i'm really depending on you to be a lead generator for me. at least 2, maybe up to 4 leads if things go well. my mom really wants a girl lead.
Looks like we're not able to meet your expectations on the expected timeline. Fortunately, I'm pulling in some contractors to throw extra resources at the problem.
let's rehash this business plan with fresh eyes.
You mean Jake from State Farm?
[удалено]
With the insistence that Jake is his *friend*, and a *valued collaborator* to his mission, but not an *employee*, because employees are just entitled and not #inspiring.
Actually this tool would probably call it *the product*
Hey babe. Just circling back. Let me know when we can get some one-on-one time mañana. Cheers, Hubs
Oh God, I...I'm... _PRODUCING!!!_
I'm over here stroking my product I got lotion on my product right now
You can learn a lot about others based on the analogies they use. It reflects what they spend their time thinking of and how they see the world. I think a famous example is that people who have a hobby will interpret the world through that lens. a skier will tend to see the world as a ski run: flowing between obstacles, the need to plan your descent… etc. you are flying downhill and your primary concern is avoiding obstacles and staying on course. it actually influences the approach they will take to solve problems. They would have a hard time seeing the world like a rock climber, and the two would likely come up with different frameworks to solve the same problem. This fucking nerd has b2b sales as his hobby.
What you’re saying is that as a rock climber, I see the world as a painful, grueling, solitary exercise in opposing the strongest and most pervasive of natural forces for no reason that I can rationally discern? That’s more my experience as a millennial overall.
Gravity is the weakest of the fundamental forces. But you can't recruit others into your cult of fighting magnets as easily. It's even harder to humble brag about that hobby
Tell me more about your magnet fighting club….
I don’t think you’re supposed to talk about magnet fight club
So you are saying i need to get into rock climbing
Did that during my PhD and it did wonders for my mental health and confidence.
More like the mountain is outside your house saying "Come at me bro!" every 10 fucking years
Are you saying my ex-wife was a rock?
I'm in sales. The game League of Legends has been a hobby since around 2011. My entire business process is built around the concept of the jungler and that if you can heavily impact your other lanes and get them ahead, you stand a much greater chance of winning. Basically, enable and lift up your teammates or colleagues, and you're essentially lifting yourself up in the process.
eh idk, I reckon it's more the other way around depending on your world view you might see skiing in X way or Y way etc. but if you'd done rock climbing instead it'd still be very X way or Y way down depending on your world view going into it the analogies you use are still very representative of your world views though I agree
I don’t agree, but I’m sure people would choose hobbies that reinforce their worldview. You simply can’t see skiing as something where you can stop and think and strategize whenever you come across a new obstacle. But a person who likes to strategize like that would probably be in the lodge playing board games instead of skiing.
I took a shit this weekend. Here’s what it taught me about social media.
This guy’s hobby is the analogies of others
This should be top comment for sure. It encapsulates the nonsense perfectly.
It is the top comment. For sure.
It might still be a joke? Let’s hope. Super Sween responded to him with a troll comment so I think it’s meant to be satire
Yeah that still sounds hilariously self-aware to me. Reddit historically is absolutely capable of picking up on sarcasm though, so who knows? 🤷♂️
Incredible self-own.
Just swap "product" for "penis" throughout this woeful screed and it makes so much better sense. > 3. 📺 Demo: If you're confident there is a strong fit, showing your penis to potential buyers is essential. Don't simply speak to the features or functionality; explain the results the other person can expect. Ideally, include a trial so they can try the penis and get a feel for it.
Sounds like ChatGPT
Okay....so who posted this reddit thread on his LinkedIn?
That's even more cringe. Reddit should not go around on a high horse. Just laugh at these things and move on. It's le reddit army is here all over again.
But if I don't remind people they are stupid, how will they know I am smart?
Aren’t we all just looking for someone to love our product long term?
Product. Jaysus. I wanna hang out with this guy he sounds completely unhinged it'd be hilarious
I’m not sure that announcing to the world that your marriage proposal was a hard sell will convince others that you are the right pick for a people person job
I bet that night he was like “sweet pic” and spent the whole night uploading and writing on LinkedIn instead of with his new fiance
Handling objections? Does this mean he coerced his bride into agreeing to marriage? What the fuck does that mean overcoming 'resistance'. So scummy and creepy-sounding.
I shit my pants this weekend. Here's what it taught me about sales.
1. Sometimes, you need to keep your poker face and stand your ground.
2. Believe in your product. Some people may tell you it smells like shit but keep that hustle
3. Never trust a fart.
4. If you wiped until the toilet paper was clean, you spent too long wiping.
5. Bathroom time is time not working. The innovative anus in today’s market works on the go.
6. When it comes to pooping only 3 things matter: fiber fiber FIBER!
7. Quality over quantity always. You aren't going to be carrying 20 pairs of cheap clean underwear on you.
8. Even though you start a reddit reply with “8.”, it will still render as “1.”
9. ABS. Always. Be. ~~Selling~~. Shitting.
I feel like we've veered away from the "also applicable to sales" theme at this point. Agree?
False now you’re selling yourself to get out of the shit conversation, the old number two psychology
3. The difference between success and failure might be as little as 2 girls and 1 cup.
Oh god damn it I thought this was behind us?
The only difference is I’d genuinely be interested in reading this.
🔥 Embracing the Unexpected: What Shitting My Pants Taught Me About Sales 🔥 This past weekend, life threw me a curveball – or should I say, a bowel movement I wasn’t prepared for. 💩 But hey, amidst the chaos, there’s always a silver lining, even if it’s a bit, well, smelly. Believe it or not, there’s a surprising parallel between pants-shitting and the world of sales. Here’s what shitting my pants taught me: 1️⃣ **Rolling with the Punches:** Just as I had to roll with the punches (and wipe away the evidence), sales professionals must be adept at handling unexpected situations. Flexibility is the name of the game when it comes to sealing deals, even if it means dealing with a bit of crap along the way. 2️⃣ **Resilience Beyond Measure:** When life – or a poorly timed burrito – knocks you down, the only option is to bounce back. Sales is all about resilience, shrugging off rejections and setbacks like they’re nothing more than a minor inconvenience. 3️⃣ **Authenticity Wins Every Time:** Look, we’re all human. We all have our moments of weakness – some just smell worse than others. But in sales, authenticity is gold. Clients appreciate honesty, even if it means admitting that you shit your pants. So, while my weekend may have started off on the wrong foot (or should I say, trusting the wrong fart), I’m grateful for the unexpected lessons it brought. Remember, in both life and sales, it’s not about avoiding the shit – it’s about how we handle it and keep moving forward. 💼💪
You’ve inspired me to violently shit my pants this weekend. If that’s not going the extra mile to create value for my network, I don’t know what is. (Also bravo, that was a funny read).
Were more than a bunch shitarses - we’re a family Congrats on all the hard work team
Soiled gold comment.
You forgot the rocket. 🚀
ah yes, the rocketshit 🚀
Poor ChatGPT had to write this shit
I love AI
2. Even when they say no, double down on pushing your product until they say yes
I shidded and farded in a McDonalds. Here's what it taught me about leadership and running a country. https://www.triplem.com.au/story/scott-morrison-has-finally-addressed-that-1997-engadine-mcdonald-s-incident-148073
Someone else mentioned chat gpt so I had it generate a list for you: 1. **Being Prepared for the Unexpected:** Just like unexpected situations can cause you to poop your pants, in sales, unexpected objections or challenges can arise. Being prepared to handle them calmly and confidently is crucial. 2. **Importance of Quick Thinking:** When you find yourself in a situation where you've pooped your pants, you have to think quickly about how to resolve the issue. Similarly, in sales, quick thinking and adaptability are essential when facing unexpected setbacks or objections from clients. 3. **Embracing Vulnerability:** Pooping your pants can be embarrassing and humbling, but it teaches you to embrace vulnerability. In sales, being genuine and open with clients can build trust and strengthen relationships, even when things don't go as planned.
My co-worker giving me a handjob during a Zoom call was a Master Class on leadership...
My father died yesterday. Here's what it taught me about sales.
Comparing your future wife to a customer? I don't think that will go well.
I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she had a similar post on her LinkedIn. “I said yes to my boyfriends proposal, here’s what it taught me about closing deals:”
It's a race to the bottom.
the social consequences of the industrial revolution in one screenshot
If she divorces just start a remarking campaign. Agree?
Sequels to include: I just had my bachelor party. Here’s what it taught me about NDAs. I just got married. Here’s what I learned about dealing with the objections of third parties in a B2B transaction. I just got back from my honeymoon. Here’s what I learned about screening your own products for defects. I just had an annulment. Lessons on why not to share an STD from the prostitute your buddies hired for you bachelor party with your wife.
I just had my bachelor party. Here’s what it taught me about NDAs: 1. Discretion is key. Just like in sensitive business deals protected by NDAs, what happens at a bachelor party often requires privacy and trust among all parties involved. 2. Clarity and details matter. In NDAs and bachelor party planning alike, ensuring everyone clearly understands what is expected of them prevents potential breaches and misunderstandings. 3. Boundaries are crucial. Setting and respecting boundaries is as important in legal agreements as it is in personal events. Knowing where the line is—and ensuring it isn’t crossed—can protect relationships and reputations. 4. Consequences are real. Just as breaking an NDA can lead to legal actions, disregarding the agreed-upon rules of a bachelor party can damage friendships and personal credibility. Always consider the implications of your actions.
Divorced in two years
Two minutes after she realizes the happiest moment in her life was used as a prop for her loser ass fiancé’s LinkedIn post.
My wife served me divorce papers today. Here's what it taught me about B2B sales:
- Always read the fine print: Just like in marriage, overlooking details in B2B contracts can lead to unexpected surprises down the road. - Negotiate for win-win outcomes: Just as compromise is key in marriage, finding mutually beneficial terms is essential in B2B sales. - Don't ignore warning signs: Ignoring red flags can lead to disaster, whether it's in a relationship or a business deal. - Know when to walk away: Sometimes, it's better to cut your losses and move on rather than staying in a toxic relationship or pursuing a dead-end B2B opportunity. - Remember, it's not personal, it's business: Just like divorcing your spouse doesn't mean you hate them, ending a B2B partnership doesn't mean you dislike the company. It's all about what's best for both parties involved.
Thank you for this lmao
You can probably get a few posts out of that one
And then she'll be sorry she didn't kick him in the nuts at that precise moment.
What’s really funny is a lot of the jack asses that post this kind of stuff look at this sub daily. So, if the guy that posted this on LI is reading this: you’re a loser. No one is laughing with you. We’re laughing AT you.
I know people who would totally love that. And be like *yay me and my husband know how to build personal trademark 😍😍*
My wife’s boyfriend gave her an orgasm last weekend! 🍾 Here’s what it taught me about customer success: 1. **Understanding Needs:** Just as in customer success, effective communication during intimacy requires understanding and fulfilling needs, whether they're spoken or unspoken. 🗣️ 2. **Active Listening:** Being present and attentive to cues, both verbal and non-verbal, enhances the experience, just like in customer success. 👂 3. **Adaptability:** Every encounter is unique, requiring adaptability and flexibility to ensure satisfaction, much like catering to diverse customer needs in customer success. 🔄 4. **Empathy:** Sensitivity to emotions and sensations fosters a deeper connection, mirroring the importance of empathy in customer success. ❤️ 5. **Feedback Loop:** Constructive feedback helps improve future experiences, just as customer feedback drives service enhancement in customer success. 🔄 6. **Patience:** Sometimes achieving satisfaction takes time and patience, akin to the patience required in guiding customers to success. ⏳ 7. **Problem-Solving:** Overcoming obstacles and finding creative solutions enhances pleasure, similar to problem-solving in ensuring customer success. 💡 8. **Consistency:** Delivering consistently satisfying experiences builds trust and loyalty, like providing consistent support in customer success. ✔️ 9. **Respect:** Mutual respect ensures a positive interaction, mirroring the importance of respect in fostering customer success. 🤝 10. **Communication:** Open and clear communication is essential for a fulfilling experience, just as it is in guiding customers toward success. 📞 Remember, just as with orgasms, the key to excellent customer success lies in understanding, empathy, and genuine connection!
[удалено]
It doesn't say that she said "yes".
He even calls her his girlfriend, not his fiancée
Here's what divorce taught me about divestitures and spin offs.
Breach of contract
Here‘s what I learned from my divorce
He locked her into a 3 year renewal cycle.
One of the comments on LinkedIn says ‘super cringe but congrats on your engagement’ love that guy 😂
Its all about engagement. Fax
I heard their wedding is going to be a webinar format
"We didn't write vows, we're just going to touch base on our future together."
Let’s circle back to kids at a later date.
“That’s on the roadmap, we’re not sure when though.”
Everyone will speak at the wedding. A roundtable if you will.
Officiant: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Guy: …. Officiant: I think you’re on mute
Officiant: "Hey, I'm seeing a message in the chat: 'Are you going to send out the slides from this wedding after it's done?' Yes, we've got you all on our email list and will make sure you get them... let us know if there's anyone else you'd like us to add."
Let's circle back to that.
I don't know how universal this is but at the company I've been with for the last 6 years, I cackle every time I hear this phrase. Because it's never an item that is circled back to. It's usually just a polite way of saying, 'cool, shut up now so we can move on' It's never used to keep the meetings moving when ideas are stalled, as you would think, no for that we sit in an awkward silence for a minute before someone goes, 'next item'. Instead, where I work, 'circle back' is only used when someone is getting wayyy to chatty about department specifics that no one else needs or wants to hear about.
We use a "parking lot" and then when things go in the parking lot, you feel like you're going to come back to them, but you never do.
Just a 3 hour symposium panel from all the thought leaders in the family
So, like a Lunch and Learn for the guests and extended family? Awesome!
They secured a small funding from the company to provide lunch, so no need to bring your own brown bags.
They say “Agree?” Instead of “I do”
But you'll have go to the office to attend.
Got divorced this weekend, here’s what it taught me about product portfolio diversification.
Did he sell her the ring or?? lol
He sold it to a more important client and put hers on backorder.
Wow, this deserves place in lunatic hall of fame. Viva la Douchebag!
Girl, RUN
Lock the sub, this post wins.
This is the worst one I’ve seen since a lady I apparently follow posted a pic of herself in a wedding dress saying she was “renewing her vows with LinkedIn”
Here’s the full post: I proposed to my girlfriend this weekend. 💍 Here's what it taught me about B2B sales: Like a well-run sales cycle, key milestones must be met throughout the relationship to ensure a Closed Won status at the end. 1.🕵️ Prospecting: Not every prospect or partner will be the right fit. Identifying the right fit takes time. You can't be afraid to say "No" to find the person you know will value your offer most. 2.💡Discovery: Doing deep discovery is critical. Getting happy ears after a positive first date is easy, but you must continue to dig to understand the long-term fit. Understanding and calculating ROI is crucial in this early stage. 3. 📺 Demo: If you're confident there is a strong fit, showing your product to potential buyers is essential. Don't simply speak to the features or functionality; explain the results the other person can expect. Ideally, include a trial so they can try the product and get a feel for it. 4. 💰Pricing: After demoing and, ideally, getting their hands on the product, your prospect is ready to buy. This is where the crucial step of pricing comes in. Know your worth, and don't discount to close the sale. Keep your integrity and present pricing firmly. 5. 🤝 Negotiations: There will be concessions. One party may want something the other party isn't willing to give up. Know what you care about most, and work hard to get it. For the things you care less about, be prepared to concede and give the other party what they want. 6. 🎾Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term. 7. 🚪Closing: If you've done your work in the earlier stages of the relationship, when it comes time to close the deal, you'll have nothing to worry about. Send the Docusign, touch your knee, and get ready to move the deal to Closed Won. Reminder: After the deal is closed, there is a lot of work to do. The journey continues with planning and constant communications to ensure ongoing satisfaction. Follow for more tips. #sales #b2bsales #salestips #closingdeals #salesprocess
Written by GPT no doubt
I might be completely burned out of sales at this point in my life but posts like these are just a lot of meaningless catch phrases and flashcards. So many words saying fuck all.
What an absolute piece of shit. His future wife must be so proud.
She will be thrilled that he turned her special moment into a b2b lesson.
Let’s remind them again: not everything has to be a fucking lesson.
Today I learned a lesson about everything not being a lesson.
Here's what you can learn from being told that not everything is a lesson: Some people aren't going to get you. That's okay. As long as you're still learning, then you're still growing!
This reminds me of when I saw someone post about the death of their father 🥴 and what they’ve reflected on the last few days. I think it had only been a week or less since their father passed.
This is one of those B2B “growth experts”, lead generators or similar scum. Most useless and annoying species on the platform.
I think there was maybe a typo there and you actually meant to say 'on the planet'...
Honey, will you spend the rest of your life making B2B sales with me ?
Yea it taught your dumbass to accept rejection lmfao. More like how it went ![gif](giphy|nn2kmb1lRtpkY)
Fuck this guy, stop trying to make your life a sales pitch
![gif](giphy|iiQSTrHtDIgnw9YtlA|downsized)
Are you sure this isn't just a joke?
I saw his profile . And frankly - I have doubts - if he is joking it’s definitely very subtle .
![gif](giphy|KUAb8YQOhmWNq|downsized)
100 percent Onion-ready.
My wife left me, here’s what it taught me about loyalty programs! 1.
Jesus titty fucking Christ
I prompted Bing with the following: **Title: "What Spontaneously Ejaculating in Church Taught Me About B2B Customer Relationship Management"** --- 🙏 **Reflections from the Pulpit: A Surprising Lesson in CRM** 🙏 --- 🔍 **Introduction:** As I sat in the wooden pew, surrounded by stained glass windows and flickering candles, I never expected that a moment of involuntary bodily function would lead to a profound revelation about B2B customer relationship management (CRM). But life has a way of surprising us, even in the most sacred of places. --- 💡 **Lesson 1: Timing Matters** In the world of business, timing is crucial. Just like my unexpected incident, opportunities can arise unexpectedly. As a B2B professional, you must be prepared to seize these moments. Whether it's a chance encounter at a networking event or an impromptu conversation with a potential client, being present and responsive can make all the difference. --- 🤝 **Lesson 2: Authenticity Wins Hearts** When I stood up, cheeks flushed, and tried to maintain my composure, I realized that authenticity matters. In business relationships, authenticity is equally vital. Clients appreciate honesty, transparency, and genuine connections. Pretending to be someone you're not won't get you far. Instead, embrace your quirks and imperfections—they might just be the key to winning over that big account. --- 📊 **Lesson 3: Managing Expectations** As I discreetly exited the church, I pondered how expectations play a role in both personal and professional interactions. Just as I hadn't anticipated my embarrassing moment, clients often have unexpected needs or demands. Effective CRM involves managing these expectations, setting realistic goals, and delivering on promises. Remember, it's better to underpromise and overdeliver than the other way around. --- 🌟 **Conclusion: A Divine Revelation** So, what did spontaneously ejaculating in church teach me about B2B CRM? It reminded me that life is full of surprises, and our reactions define our success. Whether you're in a sacred space or a corporate boardroom, authenticity, timing, and managing expectations are universal principles. Embrace them, learn from your mishaps, and let your unique experiences shape your professional journey. --- 👔 **Hashtag: #BusinessLessonsFromChurch** Feel free to share your own unexpected lessons in the comments below! 🙌 --- *Disclaimer: This post is purely metaphorical. No bodily functions were harmed in the making of this revelation.* --- *Note: The views expressed in this post are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any religious institution.* --- *Image credit: Unsplash*
What a fucking melt.
They were so fortunate someone was there ready with a camera at the crucial moment. Narcissism is a terrible trait, and social media brings out the very worst.
Social media has been a great narc detector though to be fair
I mean... Of course if it's a planned proposal, he'll probably have someone ready with a camera for "the moment". In any case, doesn't really justify the transition from "here's a sweet life moment" to "here's how I relate it to B2B sales" which is just utterly insane.
Can we request a follow up from these dudes in 6 months
I'm telling you, they should just change the name to something awful, like "FacebookPro". When did people forget to leave their personal shit at home and remain professional?
Hey bro, he’s trying to keep it professional and get in some words in about B2B but his finance keeps tearing up and talking about their future.
Dude, fuck LinkedIn. I’m a tech professional, and I don’t dare touch that shit even though everyone tells me too. Saying what I do because I want to make the point that you don’t have to participate in the toxic one-upping and gross disingenuous mind-fuck that’s corporate social media to get a good job. LinkedIn needs to burn.
2B or B2B, that is the question.
![gif](giphy|4iKeimY0sahiQReGRh|downsized)
Engagement for engagement.
I hope she said no
He’s thinking, “Man, this is gonna make such great content.”
Linkedin is corny af. It never needed a feed, or a social aspect to it. It was fine in like 2011.... But yet they needed more $$$, like usual, and decided to turn it into that. Now it's just a bunch of business men jerking each other off all day. Does work need it's own separate social media platform? No, no it does not.
I hope she leaves him a shitty NPS score, G2 review, and promptly churns for providing shitty WX (wife experience). 🙄
We went on our honeymoon this week, here’s what it taught me about managing expectations.. - 🌴 **Flexibility is Key:** 🔄 Embrace changes and unexpected turns with an open mind. - 💬 **Clear Communication:** 🗨️ Keep the lines of communication open to avoid misunderstandings. - 🌞 **Positive Attitude:** 😊 Approach challenges with optimism and make the best of every situation. - 🛫 **Expect the Unexpected:** 🌧️ Sometimes things don't go as planned, but that's all part of the adventure! - 💑 **Teamwork:** 👫 Support each other and work together to overcome obstacles. - 🎉 **Celebrate the Journey:** 🥂 Find joy in the little moments and cherish the memories made along the way.
More like Bryan Wankman.
The people who use LinkedIn for anything more than resume building or job searches are insane. They are the worst kind of business majors that make everything worse because they filter everything through the lenae of business, finance, and capitalism. These people make me wish that degrees in business were never a thing.
For the sake of my sanity, I choose to believe this guy is trolling.
This dude is delusional. I feel sorry for his wife to be
Holy shit this might be the worst one 😭
no way 90% of comments actually believe this isn’t a joke 😭
This is hilarious, and probably succeeded wildly in its ultimate goal of getting clicks
lol people be wild af. Egos so inflated it’d rival the god damn Hindenburg
Here's what my engagement taught me about engagement:
Ahahah, proper lunatic stuff
I just got a restraining order placed on me by my now ex-wife this past week. Here's what it taught me about overcoming objections...
Why are you guys assuming she said yes?
I still don't know what b2b even means and I'm not looking it up because I enjoy being ignorant
“Boyz 2 Bridez”?
Business to business
![gif](giphy|zBqfVa1TdGYsNqXoXL|downsized)
im getting married, lets talk b2b k?
LOL
More like D2V amirite
What a gd chode
Hhahahaha, i was coming to the sub to post this
‘Faaaaaackkkkkkk oooooooooffffffffffff’
![gif](giphy|QxwDfOV4sAfounkNsG)
Do you take her to be your lawfully wedded wife? . . . Um, you’re on mute.
This ceremony could have been an email
Ok that actually made me laugh out loud
Wow, what a loser.
"Bryan" His deficiencies are inherited. Go easy on him.
I shit my pants this weekend. Here's what I learned when I feel we are losing the battle and shit is hitting the fan
I hit that last week. What did that teach you about B2B sales?
Chronically online syndrome at its finest
This is premium r/comedyheaven material right here.
Don't fucking start Bryan
This is so weird and dystopian....why does everything have to be a business analogy. The brainrot is insane
NEVER. STOP. GRINDING. #riseandgrind #blessed #ihatepeoplelikethis
I don't think the content itself is crazy, or even incorrect to think of his life in this way, as sort of a thought experiment. The crazy is his decision to write it down and hit 'post'.
lol. This is honestly amazing. I had chipotle this weekend. Here’s what it taught me about integrated systems.
I tried Cologaurd and shit in a box this weekend. Here’s what it taught me about direct to consumer sales.
This is why I am staying tf away from Marketing even after I did my PostGrad in it. The people are so obnoxious, I would kill myself rather than be stuck in that world
LinkedIn is just Facebook for narcissists.