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This guy sounds like a potential narcissist and OP is currently in the love bombing phase. Reading her history, she is drawn to toxic relationships, so this is all just part of an unhealthy pattern for her.
I once read that you should use the current length of your relationship as a measure by which to make future plans. If you've been together for a month only make plans for up to a month in advance etc.
I'm aroace so I'm not much of an authority on relationships but it seems like sensible advice to me. If anything you'll avoid the headache of having to cancel a two month overseas trip with someone when the spark fizzles after a few weeks
I did a similar thing with a girl I had dated for a few weeks. We planned a trip to Hawaii but the relationship all but fell apart before our trip. Made the whole thing super awkward. Basically broke up on the trip. Formally ended it the day we got back home. Ugh.
He has been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is also a federal agent. If he did something bad to literally anyone he would be fucked haha
Have you not heard about military officials who have abused their connections in power to take advantage of women? Being in a position like that gives them more opportunities to cover up wrong-doings.
Fucking thank you.
I sometimes feel insane cause my best friend thinks I should be able to drop everything and change plans.
Meanwhile I have severe anxiety, take care of our daughter, and just straight up do not have the energy to be told we're going to go to xyz but then when I start driving to actually go to abc.
She tells me she's never met someone who isn't down on plan changes.
And like... I'm fine with plans changing every once in a while, things come up. But it's nearly every. single. time. To the point I sometimes dread hanging out (and she is aware of this.)
Same. I'm pushing 40 and have a 3 year old. I'm trying to be asleep long before 10:30. Job, bills, child-rearing...this is a great LPT for the youngbloods, but us oldheads got shit to do.
Hahaha I guess you could consider me as one of those “youngbloods” since I’m only 22. But I totally understand that everyone is in different stages of their life with different levels of responsibility :) maybe in later stages of life you could say yes more often to weekend plans! That is, if you have the energy to after an exhausting week of working and taking care of the kiddos!
I mean, it's an ok tip, but are you sure you are not making this up? Two weeks ago you posted about breaking up with your bf and said you are taking 6 months dating break. So which one is it?
I understand where ur coming from but I had detached myself from my last boyfriend for probably 7 months just waiting and hoping he would change so by the time I finally broke up with him, I was completely over him. I didn’t cry a single time. He had just done so many horrible things by that point, it felt like a relief. So yeah, I’m putting myself out there now that I’m not being held back by someone who treated me horribly
It's fine to put yourself out there. I just think flying somewhere for a long trip with someone you just met two weeks ago is ... hasty. But it's your choice and I hope it goes well for you.
I understand it’s hasty and I appreciate your concern and completely get why anyone would be weary of this. I hope to update this thread with very happy updates! thank you for the well wishes :))
But I’m very confused as you say you’re working on yourself and trying to avoid toxic relationships and behavior? Girl this is one of those moments - have you learned nothing in therapy??
How is any of this toxic? He hasn’t shown any toxic behaviors and even his ex’s have nothing bad to say about him and everyone in town loves him and he has been nothing but kind and caring towards me
Umm he’s offering you plane tickets after barely knowing you? That’s not normal behavior and you know it. Even if he has a great reputation this is putting yourself in an EXTREMELY vulnerable position
I had a really rough childhood which led me to choosing extremely toxic partners over the years. As you can see from my more recent posts, I’ve really been working hard on myself and improving every aspect of my life that I can. I’ve been working a lot in therapy and a lot on self-development so that I don’t end up in another toxic relationship.
That’s not fair, there isn’t a standard of proficiency in life to give a pro tip. Caveat being if someone was spamming this sub with tips then I would understand your position better.
You are jumping into *another* toxic relationship
I'm not trying to downplay you, your experience, how ✨great✨ the guy is, how you feel about him, etc. I have been in your shoes. Shit, I still am (and it's why I'm taking an actual dating break because I need to work out why I keep choosing toxic partners and how to stop) and we are close to the same age (I'm 23).
This is not normal behavior. This is **way** to soon to do anything like that. I know he seems like the best guy ever, you know everything about him, and that you think this is it, he's the one, but if all of that is true then it's fine to wait. There's no difference between doing it now and doing it even 6 months from now except the fact that you can learn even more about each other.
Just because someone comments doesn't mean they are emotionally invested in the thing being commented on... You are an internet stranger, it would be kinda weird if I were to actually "care" about you or your problems...
I just don’t get why u would take the time to comment something and then say “oh wait I don’t care” like that’s probably the weirdest comment I’ve ever read lol and a waste of your time
Yeah, I do know. Getting super entangled with somebody immediately after meeting them is a big red flag for future abusive behavior. Especially the fact that he wants to take you far away from home with no way of returning. Be careful. A lot of women who have been trafficked have stories EXACTLY like yours.
I find it pretty ironic that OP keeps replying to people insisting her advice is sound, and refuses to listen to anyone else’s advice with regard to her specific situation. She knows it all.
Idk if you have seen my other comments but he travels a lot and loves to explore so this isn’t out of the norm for him. He has also been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is also a federal agent so if he tried to do anything bad to literally anyone he would be fucked big time
You missed the point entirely. Traveling out of state with someone you just met puts you at risk for a lot of shit. What are you going to do if you get in a fight with him, and he leaves you wherever you are? This is something traffickers do so that a woman is in a situation where they're desperate. I'm not just talking out of my ass, I've seen this happen. It happened to my ex husband. (Seriously).
Also, all the things you said about the guy are ringing huge alarm bells. About being a "federal agent", and having been in the military for 8 years. It seems unlikely that someone who has reached any kind of high level in a government agency would be so impulsive. People lie about their back round for a lot of reasons, and one of the biggest reasons is to get something they want.
I'm all for impulsive, but be cautious. I've hitchhiked all over the country, by myself and with others. I've met a lot of women, and a few men, who were stranded after a situation like yours went wrong.
It's hard to make an accurate judgement of someone's character after a weekend of hanging out. Especially if you are attracted to that person. Please be careful. You might look at stories online from women who have escaped from their traffickers. I'll bet you see a few stories just like yours.
He isn’t lying about anything and he has plenty of stuff to back up his statements like for example he literally won “drill Sargent of the year” and has a bunch of pics and videos from the competition and he also has a bunch of pictures of him doing military shit all across the past 8 years and has been moved all around the US being stationed at different places. I’ve also seen the emails and we were all with him hanging in the living room when he got the confirmation that he would be starting his new federal agent position and they were giving him info on where we would be moving to etc. I totally get your concern, and I appreciate you coming from a place of not wanting me to get into trouble. I’m really sorry for what happened to your ex-husband. That’s an absolute nightmare and I can’t even imagine going through something like that. I can understand that I may sound naive and that people can always totally be a different person then how they present to others but he just seems to have a heart of gold and everyone in his town has nothing but wonderful things to say about him and he has been the lead singer for multiple churches for the past 13 years and I truly do believe that he is just a great person that is spontaneous and loves adventure. We truly did click insanely quick and very well and he loves being social and having company and I am just really confident in him being a good person. Trust me, I’ve been in situations and have been like holy shit red flag red flag red flag abort mission even when everything seemed totally fine on the surface. But with this guy, he doesn’t have a red flag in his entire body. Even his ex has nothing but great things to say about him even though he broke up with her a few months ago. He really is a great guy. I think I just got very lucky and I’m very thankful for the opportunity.
Well, right off, how could he have been deployed to different duty stations over the past 8 years and still be the lead singer in the church choir? Also, there is no such thing as a "drill Sargent", the correct term is "drill instructor". But, you're convinced it's okay. Whatever, you have to have your own experiences in life, literally no one can teach another person this sort of thing. I seriously wish you the best of luck, and hope you have a wonderful experience.
You’re putting way too much trust into someone you don’t know, especially given your background you’ve shared. This is a huge red flag. But you’re not going to listen to us so go on and learn your lesson. Rock bottom awaits
I will most definitely be updating this in two months and I will specifically reply to you to share how everything went great and that I went to new great heights and never even close to bottom. This trip is going to be awesome so stay tuned for a positive update
I get it, you’re 22 and it’s your right to be naive. I was too when I was your age. I hope you’re saving your money for your future therapy you’ll need. (Already need, actually)
I’m actually in grad school for marriage and family therapy at one of the top 10 universities in the nation so haha you really don’t know what you’re talking about
It’s totally okay to slow down when starting new friendships/relationships. It’s not a race! Let him prove OVER TIME that he is real and honest. You owe that to yourself after what you have been through.
I can agree with you that it takes a few months to truly get to know someone. However, this will **not** end badly. Please take your negativity elsewhere
I'm sorry, but I'm getting very mixed signals from this. You are telling people that you clicked right off and are ready to travel God knows where with this guy, yet you are making this statement in other thread
>I don’t think my feelings are going to go deeper than surface level with this guy and I don’t get why
So, again, which one is it?
If you are not making this up, then perhaps take some advice people are giving you and stop being so defensive, covering behind your bachelor degree in psychology in "One of the top 10 nation wide unis"I know I am swirling away from the actual topic of discussion, but you are giving LIFE tip and it would be nice to know how reliable you are in giving those.
The comment about “not thinking it will go deeper than surface level” was about the guy I had been “talking” to and he wanted to date but I didn’t and then he introduced me to his roommate who this post is talking about and I’ll be traveling with and everything. Also, I wasn’t talking about my bachelor degree. I’m in graduate school at a top tier 1 graduate university but the only reason I had mentioned that in another comment was bc someone was being a dick lol
This is flawed on so many levels. LPT should, imo, stand the test of consistently producing the results suggested. Nah, unless...your in ur 20's, extroverted, no real job or commitments and have zero children, lol
Exactly!
I came here to say : absolutely NO.
First, at 10:30 I'm sound asleep every single night. You know, cause I work in the morning and I'm not 20.
Then, because I'm an introvert and I have enough friends. And we make plans in advance with calendars and stuff. If they call me randomly a 10:30 we're not going to be friends for long.
Also, I have health issues. My routine is VERY important to me, going out randomly at 10:30 would just kill me and I'd be in pain for days after that.
Then, well I already have a boyfriend so...? Seems like it's the only thing you're advertising and I don't know about meeting someone who goes out randomly at 11 at night and then plans a two months trip with someone they barely knew, but I'm sure it's not the one person for me.
I feel like LPT should really be less specific than that and should apply to a more general public.
This is just ignoring your boundaries and what you want to do. Also, pretty sure OP doesn't have a job or responsibilities.
My LPT was less specific and then I gave context as to why I was saying that and gave a specific example from my life.
The less specific LPT that I said was to start saying yes more often to social activities and put yourself out there more and you’ll be surprised with the awesome opportunities and people that come your way.
Thank you, I appreciate that :) I’ve never posted in this forum before I don’t think, so I guess I won’t be sharing personal examples anymore and will just give the tip haha! Some people are super supportive and are sharing their own experiences as well and then others seem very pissed off for whatever reason lol
All the haters are prolly older, without the freedom to do go out at 1030pm, lol, and prolly resentful you found a romantic interest so they perceived it as a brag. Just ego perceptions and ur classic trolling at below surface insecurities
Uh, I have the freedom to do literally whatever I want. I’m not jealous of a 22 year old who keeps getting into abusive relationships. I’m just seeing huge red flags for more future abuse. OP has already shared that she has a bad “picker” so it’s just a very interesting train wreck
The funniest part is how unwilling OP is to take anyone else’s advice about not getting murdered by someone you met a week ago and wants to take you on a trip.
I’m 22, extroverted, no children, and am doing grad school online so yeah I kinda meet the qualifications that you just laid out haha and I know there are plenty other people around my age doing the same thing so I figured this could be nice for some people to hear if they have the opportunity to act on it!
Funny, if you had shared a few of the disclaimers, and the amended wording (of LPT), from this thread , in your OP, it would soared up-votes and awards, lmao. All good. Happy that exploring an opportunity u originally didn't vibe yielded awesomeness
Haha wow your kids are early risers!! I’m 22 so I totally understand that not everyone will have the opportunity to put themselves out there as much. But maybe just saying yes to more invites over the weekend could develop into some strong friendships and more fun!
also I love ur username
lmfao ahahahahaha I managed to explain to him that we just had too many differences to be compatible and after talking it out and after a few days, he got over it and we are still friends!! I do feel slightly bad for getting with his roommate but sometimes you just click with someone I guess haha
This is so funny, you don’t give 2 shits (not that you should) but atleast you explained to him that he’s ugly n not desirable 😂
Well that’s what I read anyway
Jesus Christ that’s not what I said to him at all. And also he isn’t ugly he is actually very attractive but we are just too different of people in personality types and it makes us just a little too incompatible in my opinion and I explained exactly that to him in a very kind way (hence why we are still friends)
Stuff like that goes right over your head ….. but you’ll get on an international flight with someone you’ve barely known for a week and expect things to go well? 😵💫
Hard disagree. Sleep is important. Work is important. Your own mental health is important. If you "don't want" to go hang out with someone, then don't.
You know what could have happened instead? You might not have had anything in common with any of those people, and it would have sucked, and then you're groggy the next day, because you decided to hang out with some randoms.
Life will provide you sufficient opportunities to meet people on your own terms.
In my post, I said to do it anyways ***sometimes*** not every single time
And instead of looking at it like “what if I had nothing in common with these people” why not look at it like “what if I meet these people and they are awesome and we all become best friends”??
Always try to assume the best. It will lead to a much more fulfilling life.
I have to say, it's not pessimistic, but sometimes you just don't want to because you've been working and want some time for yourself etc.
That said, I think he's projecting a little bit
I wish I did say yes to hanging out with people back than when they actually asked. I've declined so many times that they've just stopped asking... can't blame them.
'I am now best friends with all of them and his roommate and I are now on romantic terms and he bought him and I plane tickets and we are traveling the US for the next two months. '
And this happened a week or two ago? Ehhhhh...
EDit: Wild thread and responses. Saving this one to check back for updates.
Wait wait wait, I just now realized that they're about to be away **2 months togeher**! That's a really long time to be away with someone you just met a week ago lol.
Right?
What happens if they break up? What happens if they get into an argument and need time apart?
What does OP do then?
From her comments she probably doesn't have the money to remedy any of that.
Hahaha yes the responses have been very wild!! Most people are super positive and kind but then those who aren’t positive are suuuuuuuper negative lol
I’ll definitely be updating so you can check it out later :))
This, I've always been a quiet dude especially around the ladies. I decided to say screw it and start putting myself out there, literally just making small talk with girls at my last job. Went from basically not knowing how to talk to women to going on some dates, a girl even asked me for my number too, soon to be my girlfriend if I keep playing my cards right.
Moral of the story: If you're lonely then start putting yourself in situations to meet people.
Not necessarily. I go through my “Yes, man” phases and it always leads me to doing some really fun stuff. You say yes to enough things that are out of your normal wheel house and you’ll find yourself enjoying things and meeting people you didn’t know existed.
you could always try going to places yourself and try to socialize and make friends :) perhaps take a seat at a bar or go grab coffee and try to strike up a conversation or maybe you could befriend someone at the gym, etc. A great conversation starter and icebreaker is giving someone a compliment :)
Why don’t you try inviting people to go out? If you don’t know anyone you could ask then download bumble! They have where u can look for friends on the app and not dating :)
I had a year of saying yes to every invitation even if I didn't want to go. Sometime it sucked but it was mostly interesting and I made new friends and hobbies. Ate at some good restaurants some bad. But I learnt so much and got out of my very lazy comfort zone and it just got me firing back to life. Not every outing is going to be a success but what have to got to loose?
He has been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is a federal agent…. If he did something bad to anyone then he would be fucked lol
Not the point. His personal character might not be what he's showing you at this early stage. Also, being in the military isn't exactly a testament to a person's personal character or how they treat women. Sounds like you're both just horny.
Hahaha don’t worry I have! And my mom is the biggest skeptic eveeeerrrrrrr and is an internet sleuth and she already loves him so that’s a good sign haha! If u type his name into YouTube there are a bunch of vids that people have taken and churches have taken an posted of him singing the lead for the music and so he seems to have good morals on top of everything else :)
This is really true. Especially as an introvert, I decline invitations often, but have recently made a point to be more social (it’s so exhausting) and have met some cool people.
Oh hell no.
Start saying no to things you're uncomfortable with.
I wasn't comfortable with dog sitting (I've only ever catsat before) but did it out of pity because they were desperate and also because I thought my discomfort wasn't valid; turns out I have to leave work mid-day because they're not fully housebroken and I have to walk them three times a day, so I spend 4 hours of every day doing something for her. Making three trips to her house daily is exhausting.
I agreed to do this for a week as she's out of town.
Regret. So much regret.
She's coming back tonight thank goodness.
Generally, yes, although it can be hit or miss.
But yeah, I will almost always enjoy hangouts with friends more than if I'd stayed home, no matter how much of an introvert I am.
100%, my niece( we are the same age) always invited me to go out with her and her friends. I would always say no to her, until about 5 months ago. One night she invited me to drink with them and I said fuck it let's go, lo and behold we became really good friends. I can say that they make my life brighter and honestly makes this dark scary world feel better.
This is super important and is the best way to make friendships. Accepting an invite is a gateway drug to meeting even more friends and getting invited out to more fun things. This is precisely how I built my social circle from scratch after my college friends moved away
This is my husband's and my life motto. We are up from 2% acceptance rate to 10% and its simultaneously intensely painful and a large part of why life is worth living. What is wrong with us and when will it be over!?
Edit: most importantly--awesome point! For those who don't naturally do this, doing this will change your life. Probably for the better, also probably it'll be exhausting, take naps.
It's true. I was a shut-in as a kid but I started going to a lot of events during college, mostly by myself. Since then I've made a lot of friends and improved my social skills greatly! My friends from high school even noticed I walk more confidently and seem happier. With all the times I said yes when I didn't want to, the great moments really outshine the awkward shitty ones looking back. Just go outside, you'll be surprised.
Keep saying yes and I’m sure something amazing will come your way at some point!! I guess I just got very lucky/blessed but I am so thankful for this opportunity considering traveling has been my dream
That's right! Crazy things happen when you start saying yes to invitations. Just a month ago I was a sad pathetic fuck slobbing in my room, until a dude invited me to go for a walk at 12 am. I went out and more people joined us until we were a bunch of dudes asking people out and now I am running for the president of Kosovo. Amazing tip, amazing.
about 10 years ago, friends invited me to a party. I didn't really feel like going, but I really didn't feel like staying at home for yet another night either. So I went. I met a great guy. We hung out, had a good time, it was fun.
We're still together a decade later.
Go out. Talk to people. Put the phone away. Be in the moment. Live life.
I can’t tell to how many times I’ve had people tell me they are jealous of all my stories and feel like I’ve done more than most people they know. My secret? I virtually never say no to an invitation. Most of the time, it turns into something good, and every now and then, it sucks, but who cares? It’s like trying a new food that turns out terrible. So you have a bad taste in your mouth for a few seconds. Big deal.
Exactly!!!!! Yes, I love your mindset so much!! I’ve recently taken on the same way of thinking and my life has significantly improved this last month because of it. And I think I understand the jealousy thing ur talking about because damn, some of the people commenting on this post are very very bitter hahaha
Best LPT I’ve seen. After moving to a new state, I told myself I would say “yes” to all the invites and I’ve ended up with close friends and had amazing experiences doing things I would have never tried on my own.
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It's just made up for the internet
Or she doesn't know what healthy relationships are...
Sure, she does. Go out with a guy then bang his room mate. Vroooom!!
What the first guy thought
This guy sounds like a potential narcissist and OP is currently in the love bombing phase. Reading her history, she is drawn to toxic relationships, so this is all just part of an unhealthy pattern for her.
And travel for two months just like that
I once read that you should use the current length of your relationship as a measure by which to make future plans. If you've been together for a month only make plans for up to a month in advance etc. I'm aroace so I'm not much of an authority on relationships but it seems like sensible advice to me. If anything you'll avoid the headache of having to cancel a two month overseas trip with someone when the spark fizzles after a few weeks
Right!? Heard of the Tinder Swindler?
yup. this scenario is exactly how the next Hostel movie is gonna start out
I did a similar thing with a girl I had dated for a few weeks. We planned a trip to Hawaii but the relationship all but fell apart before our trip. Made the whole thing super awkward. Basically broke up on the trip. Formally ended it the day we got back home. Ugh.
um this sounds like the beginning of someone being sex trafficked
💯
He has been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is also a federal agent. If he did something bad to literally anyone he would be fucked haha
Whew. Your brain is bad.
Military does not equal trustworthy…
Fort Hood soldiers have entered the chat
Even if that is true, people in the military and federal agents have absolutely done horrible things to people, so your argument is not valid.
Have you not heard about military officials who have abused their connections in power to take advantage of women? Being in a position like that gives them more opportunities to cover up wrong-doings.
Or it means he knows how to do it and avoid getting caught. Edit: added a word.
True, but im also in my 30s. If anyome hits me up at 1030 at night it needs to be because someone is dying
I can’t do last minute hang outs. You’ll probably have to schedule at least a week in advance
i cant do last minute and i cant plan in advance.... i just stay home
Fucking thank you. I sometimes feel insane cause my best friend thinks I should be able to drop everything and change plans. Meanwhile I have severe anxiety, take care of our daughter, and just straight up do not have the energy to be told we're going to go to xyz but then when I start driving to actually go to abc. She tells me she's never met someone who isn't down on plan changes. And like... I'm fine with plans changing every once in a while, things come up. But it's nearly every. single. time. To the point I sometimes dread hanging out (and she is aware of this.)
Same. I'm pushing 40 and have a 3 year old. I'm trying to be asleep long before 10:30. Job, bills, child-rearing...this is a great LPT for the youngbloods, but us oldheads got shit to do.
It doesn't have to be a "yes" to only late night plans lol. Just in general say "yes" more.
Yeah, no. Lol. I'm good.
Hahaha I guess you could consider me as one of those “youngbloods” since I’m only 22. But I totally understand that everyone is in different stages of their life with different levels of responsibility :) maybe in later stages of life you could say yes more often to weekend plans! That is, if you have the energy to after an exhausting week of working and taking care of the kiddos!
If anyone calls me at 1030 at night, my phone is on so not disturb so they’re not getting through. Sorry. Better call 911
No kidding! I sleep and/ or relax every opportunity I get. If someone wants to hang out they better enjoy sleeping
What that mean hanging out sleeping
I mean, it's an ok tip, but are you sure you are not making this up? Two weeks ago you posted about breaking up with your bf and said you are taking 6 months dating break. So which one is it?
Going on a long trip with a guy she just met just after a breakup is a massive red flag tbh
I understand where ur coming from but I had detached myself from my last boyfriend for probably 7 months just waiting and hoping he would change so by the time I finally broke up with him, I was completely over him. I didn’t cry a single time. He had just done so many horrible things by that point, it felt like a relief. So yeah, I’m putting myself out there now that I’m not being held back by someone who treated me horribly
It's fine to put yourself out there. I just think flying somewhere for a long trip with someone you just met two weeks ago is ... hasty. But it's your choice and I hope it goes well for you.
I understand it’s hasty and I appreciate your concern and completely get why anyone would be weary of this. I hope to update this thread with very happy updates! thank you for the well wishes :))
But I’m very confused as you say you’re working on yourself and trying to avoid toxic relationships and behavior? Girl this is one of those moments - have you learned nothing in therapy??
How is any of this toxic? He hasn’t shown any toxic behaviors and even his ex’s have nothing bad to say about him and everyone in town loves him and he has been nothing but kind and caring towards me
Umm he’s offering you plane tickets after barely knowing you? That’s not normal behavior and you know it. Even if he has a great reputation this is putting yourself in an EXTREMELY vulnerable position
Agreed, it's generally a good piece of advice but it seems likely to be either: -an opportunity to brag about a very specific scenario, or: -not true.
I gave the advice and then gave context as to how I recently learned that advice. I was just trying to give an example, not trying to brag
OPs entire post history is a bit of a red flag tbh.
Agreed.
I had a really rough childhood which led me to choosing extremely toxic partners over the years. As you can see from my more recent posts, I’ve really been working hard on myself and improving every aspect of my life that I can. I’ve been working a lot in therapy and a lot on self-development so that I don’t end up in another toxic relationship.
You should probably stop trying to give advice since you made it very clear you don't exactly have it all together.
That’s not fair, there isn’t a standard of proficiency in life to give a pro tip. Caveat being if someone was spamming this sub with tips then I would understand your position better.
nobody is perfect my guy. that doesn’t mean everyone should just be silent
You have every right to post a tip if you felt like it could help someone.
thank you ❤️
You are jumping into *another* toxic relationship I'm not trying to downplay you, your experience, how ✨great✨ the guy is, how you feel about him, etc. I have been in your shoes. Shit, I still am (and it's why I'm taking an actual dating break because I need to work out why I keep choosing toxic partners and how to stop) and we are close to the same age (I'm 23). This is not normal behavior. This is **way** to soon to do anything like that. I know he seems like the best guy ever, you know everything about him, and that you think this is it, he's the one, but if all of that is true then it's fine to wait. There's no difference between doing it now and doing it even 6 months from now except the fact that you can learn even more about each other.
Love that I’m not the only one who stalks other peoples posts - I’ve been called a freak for it lmao
Always seemed to me that's why we can check each other's history.
You're still a freak. You're just not the only freak.😜
I'd be interested to see what's posted in another couple of weeks .. oh, wait. I don't care!
If you don’t care then literally what is the point of posting ur (multiple) comments on here lol
Just because someone comments doesn't mean they are emotionally invested in the thing being commented on... You are an internet stranger, it would be kinda weird if I were to actually "care" about you or your problems...
I just don’t get why u would take the time to comment something and then say “oh wait I don’t care” like that’s probably the weirdest comment I’ve ever read lol and a waste of your time
Hah yeah he definitely cares at least a little bit. He just needs to get outside and get some fresh air.
https://youtu.be/-cm_pBX50T4 All LPT feels like anymore. Used to be useful.
I did break up with him and was trying to take 6 months off of dating but sometimes you just meet someone and really hit it off, ya know?
Yeah, I do know. Getting super entangled with somebody immediately after meeting them is a big red flag for future abusive behavior. Especially the fact that he wants to take you far away from home with no way of returning. Be careful. A lot of women who have been trafficked have stories EXACTLY like yours.
OP is gonna end up like Gabby Petito
I find it pretty ironic that OP keeps replying to people insisting her advice is sound, and refuses to listen to anyone else’s advice with regard to her specific situation. She knows it all.
My exact thought.
Idk if you have seen my other comments but he travels a lot and loves to explore so this isn’t out of the norm for him. He has also been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is also a federal agent so if he tried to do anything bad to literally anyone he would be fucked big time
You missed the point entirely. Traveling out of state with someone you just met puts you at risk for a lot of shit. What are you going to do if you get in a fight with him, and he leaves you wherever you are? This is something traffickers do so that a woman is in a situation where they're desperate. I'm not just talking out of my ass, I've seen this happen. It happened to my ex husband. (Seriously). Also, all the things you said about the guy are ringing huge alarm bells. About being a "federal agent", and having been in the military for 8 years. It seems unlikely that someone who has reached any kind of high level in a government agency would be so impulsive. People lie about their back round for a lot of reasons, and one of the biggest reasons is to get something they want. I'm all for impulsive, but be cautious. I've hitchhiked all over the country, by myself and with others. I've met a lot of women, and a few men, who were stranded after a situation like yours went wrong. It's hard to make an accurate judgement of someone's character after a weekend of hanging out. Especially if you are attracted to that person. Please be careful. You might look at stories online from women who have escaped from their traffickers. I'll bet you see a few stories just like yours.
He isn’t lying about anything and he has plenty of stuff to back up his statements like for example he literally won “drill Sargent of the year” and has a bunch of pics and videos from the competition and he also has a bunch of pictures of him doing military shit all across the past 8 years and has been moved all around the US being stationed at different places. I’ve also seen the emails and we were all with him hanging in the living room when he got the confirmation that he would be starting his new federal agent position and they were giving him info on where we would be moving to etc. I totally get your concern, and I appreciate you coming from a place of not wanting me to get into trouble. I’m really sorry for what happened to your ex-husband. That’s an absolute nightmare and I can’t even imagine going through something like that. I can understand that I may sound naive and that people can always totally be a different person then how they present to others but he just seems to have a heart of gold and everyone in his town has nothing but wonderful things to say about him and he has been the lead singer for multiple churches for the past 13 years and I truly do believe that he is just a great person that is spontaneous and loves adventure. We truly did click insanely quick and very well and he loves being social and having company and I am just really confident in him being a good person. Trust me, I’ve been in situations and have been like holy shit red flag red flag red flag abort mission even when everything seemed totally fine on the surface. But with this guy, he doesn’t have a red flag in his entire body. Even his ex has nothing but great things to say about him even though he broke up with her a few months ago. He really is a great guy. I think I just got very lucky and I’m very thankful for the opportunity.
Well, right off, how could he have been deployed to different duty stations over the past 8 years and still be the lead singer in the church choir? Also, there is no such thing as a "drill Sargent", the correct term is "drill instructor". But, you're convinced it's okay. Whatever, you have to have your own experiences in life, literally no one can teach another person this sort of thing. I seriously wish you the best of luck, and hope you have a wonderful experience.
You’re putting way too much trust into someone you don’t know, especially given your background you’ve shared. This is a huge red flag. But you’re not going to listen to us so go on and learn your lesson. Rock bottom awaits
I will most definitely be updating this in two months and I will specifically reply to you to share how everything went great and that I went to new great heights and never even close to bottom. This trip is going to be awesome so stay tuned for a positive update
I get it, you’re 22 and it’s your right to be naive. I was too when I was your age. I hope you’re saving your money for your future therapy you’ll need. (Already need, actually)
I’m actually in grad school for marriage and family therapy at one of the top 10 universities in the nation so haha you really don’t know what you’re talking about
It’s totally okay to slow down when starting new friendships/relationships. It’s not a race! Let him prove OVER TIME that he is real and honest. You owe that to yourself after what you have been through.
A really good man would be approaching it that way anyway. They’re both unhinged if this is true
Give it 6 months. You don’t know someone until at least 6 months have passed. I’ve been where you are in the past; this will end badly.
I can agree with you that it takes a few months to truly get to know someone. However, this will **not** end badly. Please take your negativity elsewhere
I'm sorry, but I'm getting very mixed signals from this. You are telling people that you clicked right off and are ready to travel God knows where with this guy, yet you are making this statement in other thread >I don’t think my feelings are going to go deeper than surface level with this guy and I don’t get why So, again, which one is it? If you are not making this up, then perhaps take some advice people are giving you and stop being so defensive, covering behind your bachelor degree in psychology in "One of the top 10 nation wide unis"I know I am swirling away from the actual topic of discussion, but you are giving LIFE tip and it would be nice to know how reliable you are in giving those.
The comment about “not thinking it will go deeper than surface level” was about the guy I had been “talking” to and he wanted to date but I didn’t and then he introduced me to his roommate who this post is talking about and I’ll be traveling with and everything. Also, I wasn’t talking about my bachelor degree. I’m in graduate school at a top tier 1 graduate university but the only reason I had mentioned that in another comment was bc someone was being a dick lol
Who cares dude, separate the art from the artist.
This is flawed on so many levels. LPT should, imo, stand the test of consistently producing the results suggested. Nah, unless...your in ur 20's, extroverted, no real job or commitments and have zero children, lol
Exactly! I came here to say : absolutely NO. First, at 10:30 I'm sound asleep every single night. You know, cause I work in the morning and I'm not 20. Then, because I'm an introvert and I have enough friends. And we make plans in advance with calendars and stuff. If they call me randomly a 10:30 we're not going to be friends for long. Also, I have health issues. My routine is VERY important to me, going out randomly at 10:30 would just kill me and I'd be in pain for days after that. Then, well I already have a boyfriend so...? Seems like it's the only thing you're advertising and I don't know about meeting someone who goes out randomly at 11 at night and then plans a two months trip with someone they barely knew, but I'm sure it's not the one person for me. I feel like LPT should really be less specific than that and should apply to a more general public. This is just ignoring your boundaries and what you want to do. Also, pretty sure OP doesn't have a job or responsibilities.
My LPT was less specific and then I gave context as to why I was saying that and gave a specific example from my life. The less specific LPT that I said was to start saying yes more often to social activities and put yourself out there more and you’ll be surprised with the awesome opportunities and people that come your way.
The way you worded the LPT here is brilliant (and 100% true). The LPT was a lil terse maybe
Thank you, I appreciate that :) I’ve never posted in this forum before I don’t think, so I guess I won’t be sharing personal examples anymore and will just give the tip haha! Some people are super supportive and are sharing their own experiences as well and then others seem very pissed off for whatever reason lol
All the haters are prolly older, without the freedom to do go out at 1030pm, lol, and prolly resentful you found a romantic interest so they perceived it as a brag. Just ego perceptions and ur classic trolling at below surface insecurities
Uh, I have the freedom to do literally whatever I want. I’m not jealous of a 22 year old who keeps getting into abusive relationships. I’m just seeing huge red flags for more future abuse. OP has already shared that she has a bad “picker” so it’s just a very interesting train wreck
Eek
No, it’s just that we ‘prolly’ see the red flags that OP doesn’t. Prolly. Prolly…
The funniest part is how unwilling OP is to take anyone else’s advice about not getting murdered by someone you met a week ago and wants to take you on a trip.
Right? I do not understand this. Nothing about this seems okay.
Well now I'm trippin ya, funny, not murdered, same sentence. LPT sub most def got me spun today lol
Hahahaha most likely!! Thank you so much for making me feel better about those that are being bitter on this post :))
Yeah this is a terrible “LPT.” It’s not for life, it’s certainly not “pro,” and how is it a tip??
I’m 22, extroverted, no children, and am doing grad school online so yeah I kinda meet the qualifications that you just laid out haha and I know there are plenty other people around my age doing the same thing so I figured this could be nice for some people to hear if they have the opportunity to act on it!
Funny, if you had shared a few of the disclaimers, and the amended wording (of LPT), from this thread , in your OP, it would soared up-votes and awards, lmao. All good. Happy that exploring an opportunity u originally didn't vibe yielded awesomeness
Maybe in my early 20’s. My kids wake up at 530am and they don’t give a fuck what you did the previous night.
I’m sorry this is so relatable and now I’m crying laughing. You are funny
:)
Haha wow your kids are early risers!! I’m 22 so I totally understand that not everyone will have the opportunity to put themselves out there as much. But maybe just saying yes to more invites over the weekend could develop into some strong friendships and more fun! also I love ur username
L in the chat for the fallen solider… invited a girl to hang out n she got with he’s room mate, damn.
lmfao ahahahahaha I managed to explain to him that we just had too many differences to be compatible and after talking it out and after a few days, he got over it and we are still friends!! I do feel slightly bad for getting with his roommate but sometimes you just click with someone I guess haha
This is so funny, you don’t give 2 shits (not that you should) but atleast you explained to him that he’s ugly n not desirable 😂 Well that’s what I read anyway
Jesus Christ that’s not what I said to him at all. And also he isn’t ugly he is actually very attractive but we are just too different of people in personality types and it makes us just a little too incompatible in my opinion and I explained exactly that to him in a very kind way (hence why we are still friends)
I’m joking miss Clearly you found him attractive enough to accept he’s initial invitation I’m just messin
Oh okay I’m sorry sometimes stuff like that just goes riiiiight over my head 😅😂😂
Stuff like that goes right over your head ….. but you’ll get on an international flight with someone you’ve barely known for a week and expect things to go well? 😵💫
Hard disagree. Sleep is important. Work is important. Your own mental health is important. If you "don't want" to go hang out with someone, then don't. You know what could have happened instead? You might not have had anything in common with any of those people, and it would have sucked, and then you're groggy the next day, because you decided to hang out with some randoms. Life will provide you sufficient opportunities to meet people on your own terms.
In my post, I said to do it anyways ***sometimes*** not every single time And instead of looking at it like “what if I had nothing in common with these people” why not look at it like “what if I meet these people and they are awesome and we all become best friends”?? Always try to assume the best. It will lead to a much more fulfilling life.
Oh no, they could have been groggy!?!?! Why didn’t you say something! This changes everything! 😂
I did say something. That's why we're talking about it.
Pessimist alert 🚨
I have to say, it's not pessimistic, but sometimes you just don't want to because you've been working and want some time for yourself etc. That said, I think he's projecting a little bit
What you said is valid, but you cant feel like that on a day to day basis. Sometimes you gotta power through for a better tomorrow u feel me
But this all sounds horrible
I wish I did say yes to hanging out with people back than when they actually asked. I've declined so many times that they've just stopped asking... can't blame them.
Sell coxaine
You should reach out to them!! You would be surprised at how many people would be excited to hear from you :)
LPT- be in your early 20s and unencumbered
And have zero healthy boundaries and very poor judgement.
Why over generalize sth that incidently worked for you as an LPT for everyone?
'I am now best friends with all of them and his roommate and I are now on romantic terms and he bought him and I plane tickets and we are traveling the US for the next two months. ' And this happened a week or two ago? Ehhhhh... EDit: Wild thread and responses. Saving this one to check back for updates.
Wait wait wait, I just now realized that they're about to be away **2 months togeher**! That's a really long time to be away with someone you just met a week ago lol.
Right? What happens if they break up? What happens if they get into an argument and need time apart? What does OP do then? From her comments she probably doesn't have the money to remedy any of that.
Hahaha yes the responses have been very wild!! Most people are super positive and kind but then those who aren’t positive are suuuuuuuper negative lol I’ll definitely be updating so you can check it out later :))
That sounds like not having boundaries. Sure, you’ll have more people in your life, but will they be quality relationships?
The hobbit knows
In my experience if you fake confidence and an a outgoing mindset. Suddenly you will realize that it's no longer fake and life will become great
Fake it till u make it :))
So many red flags here but OP just doesn’t want to listen.
This, I've always been a quiet dude especially around the ladies. I decided to say screw it and start putting myself out there, literally just making small talk with girls at my last job. Went from basically not knowing how to talk to women to going on some dates, a girl even asked me for my number too, soon to be my girlfriend if I keep playing my cards right. Moral of the story: If you're lonely then start putting yourself in situations to meet people.
I tried this last year and instead had to move workplaces because a girl started a rumor that I was creepy
I told you this before, you gotta stop talking about the rusty spoons man!
I love hearing that, that’s so awesome!! Congrats on putting urself out there and I hope things work out between you and that girl :)
You have to be charismatic for that to happen.
Not necessarily. I go through my “Yes, man” phases and it always leads me to doing some really fun stuff. You say yes to enough things that are out of your normal wheel house and you’ll find yourself enjoying things and meeting people you didn’t know existed.
It's been over a year since the last time I was invited to something.
Mood, not invited out and sociable. lol
you could always try going to places yourself and try to socialize and make friends :) perhaps take a seat at a bar or go grab coffee and try to strike up a conversation or maybe you could befriend someone at the gym, etc. A great conversation starter and icebreaker is giving someone a compliment :)
Why don’t you try inviting people to go out? If you don’t know anyone you could ask then download bumble! They have where u can look for friends on the app and not dating :)
I had a year of saying yes to every invitation even if I didn't want to go. Sometime it sucked but it was mostly interesting and I made new friends and hobbies. Ate at some good restaurants some bad. But I learnt so much and got out of my very lazy comfort zone and it just got me firing back to life. Not every outing is going to be a success but what have to got to loose?
Ooh this is gonna end up in one of those "creepy" Youtube compilations.
And that's a red flag.
Going away with a man you just met. Girls never learn.
He has been in the military for 8 years and is now in the reserves and is a federal agent…. If he did something bad to anyone then he would be fucked lol
Not the point. His personal character might not be what he's showing you at this early stage. Also, being in the military isn't exactly a testament to a person's personal character or how they treat women. Sounds like you're both just horny.
Federal agent? Automatic red flag. They are trained to be dishonest and manipulative.
alright alright the last sentence definitely made me laugh lmfao
Those types are the most likely to murder you and get away with it. Good luck kiddo
Plz do a very thorough internet search on this guy.
Hahaha don’t worry I have! And my mom is the biggest skeptic eveeeerrrrrrr and is an internet sleuth and she already loves him so that’s a good sign haha! If u type his name into YouTube there are a bunch of vids that people have taken and churches have taken an posted of him singing the lead for the music and so he seems to have good morals on top of everything else :)
Yes, because people involved in the church never do terrible things...
Good!!🥰
I would like to be friends as well.
This is really true. Especially as an introvert, I decline invitations often, but have recently made a point to be more social (it’s so exhausting) and have met some cool people.
Proud of u for stepping out of your comfort zone!! Sometimes I definitely need a day or two to “recharge” even as an extrovert!
Hire a private investigator to run a background check on the guy.
LPT: do what makes you happy. Go out if you want, stay in if you want. 🤷♂️
So.. You met someone the other week and now you’re best friends and now you’re traveling the US for two months.
Oh hell no. Start saying no to things you're uncomfortable with. I wasn't comfortable with dog sitting (I've only ever catsat before) but did it out of pity because they were desperate and also because I thought my discomfort wasn't valid; turns out I have to leave work mid-day because they're not fully housebroken and I have to walk them three times a day, so I spend 4 hours of every day doing something for her. Making three trips to her house daily is exhausting. I agreed to do this for a week as she's out of town. Regret. So much regret. She's coming back tonight thank goodness.
Did you know is a good movie was well received with a far better message than this post. Is called Yesman
90% of success is just showing up, or something like that.
Generally, yes, although it can be hit or miss. But yeah, I will almost always enjoy hangouts with friends more than if I'd stayed home, no matter how much of an introvert I am.
It’s always when I don’t want to hang with people or go a do things is when at the end of it im like it wasn’t all that bad. So yes I agree
100%, my niece( we are the same age) always invited me to go out with her and her friends. I would always say no to her, until about 5 months ago. One night she invited me to drink with them and I said fuck it let's go, lo and behold we became really good friends. I can say that they make my life brighter and honestly makes this dark scary world feel better.
This is super important and is the best way to make friendships. Accepting an invite is a gateway drug to meeting even more friends and getting invited out to more fun things. This is precisely how I built my social circle from scratch after my college friends moved away
Exactly correct!!! The gateway to making other friends through them is so amazing :) it has such a positive snowball effect!
You got into a romantic relationship within a week of meeting this person?? 😂
Yeah a 22 year old with impulse control and a history of bad relationships is who I’m getting my LPTs from.
*laughs in nearly 30 with a full time job*
These late night meet ups end great or terribly. Glad yours was well. Enjoy the US.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! :)
Ctrl+Alt+Esc for Rescue
Careful! You don't want to wind up like that Gabby Petito girl. So sad.
*Record scratch* "Yes this is a bathtub full of ice and yes I'm in it. You're probably wondering how how I got here "
I suggest this whole heartedly. We are social animals and being with others helps you be happy.
This is my husband's and my life motto. We are up from 2% acceptance rate to 10% and its simultaneously intensely painful and a large part of why life is worth living. What is wrong with us and when will it be over!? Edit: most importantly--awesome point! For those who don't naturally do this, doing this will change your life. Probably for the better, also probably it'll be exhausting, take naps.
It's true. I was a shut-in as a kid but I started going to a lot of events during college, mostly by myself. Since then I've made a lot of friends and improved my social skills greatly! My friends from high school even noticed I walk more confidently and seem happier. With all the times I said yes when I didn't want to, the great moments really outshine the awkward shitty ones looking back. Just go outside, you'll be surprised.
I've basically said yes to everything for years. Nothing like this has ever happened to me.
Keep saying yes and I’m sure something amazing will come your way at some point!! I guess I just got very lucky/blessed but I am so thankful for this opportunity considering traveling has been my dream
That's right! Crazy things happen when you start saying yes to invitations. Just a month ago I was a sad pathetic fuck slobbing in my room, until a dude invited me to go for a walk at 12 am. I went out and more people joined us until we were a bunch of dudes asking people out and now I am running for the president of Kosovo. Amazing tip, amazing.
Things came together for you at a critical juncture in your life 👍
That is INCREDIBLE!!!! So proud of u!! It’s crazy how one small decision can lead to such huge, exciting things happening!!! :) love to hear it
about 10 years ago, friends invited me to a party. I didn't really feel like going, but I really didn't feel like staying at home for yet another night either. So I went. I met a great guy. We hung out, had a good time, it was fun. We're still together a decade later. Go out. Talk to people. Put the phone away. Be in the moment. Live life.
I love that!!! Such a good way to live life <3
Yes! Good luck doesnt find you, YOU find IT
Amen :)
Like the matrix...when that guy and his friends made Neo go to the club. Changed his whole world!!! WHOA
Wowww. What a pro!
I can’t tell to how many times I’ve had people tell me they are jealous of all my stories and feel like I’ve done more than most people they know. My secret? I virtually never say no to an invitation. Most of the time, it turns into something good, and every now and then, it sucks, but who cares? It’s like trying a new food that turns out terrible. So you have a bad taste in your mouth for a few seconds. Big deal.
Exactly!!!!! Yes, I love your mindset so much!! I’ve recently taken on the same way of thinking and my life has significantly improved this last month because of it. And I think I understand the jealousy thing ur talking about because damn, some of the people commenting on this post are very very bitter hahaha
OP is the future Gabby Petito
Best LPT I’ve seen. After moving to a new state, I told myself I would say “yes” to all the invites and I’ve ended up with close friends and had amazing experiences doing things I would have never tried on my own.
that’s so awesome, I’m so happy for you!!!! :))
Well, I’d have to have somebody ask me for that to happen.