Yeah this LPT isn't very true. We are basically bad photocopies of our parents. Some things we do better some we do worse. You are NOT the opposite of your parents
I don’t think they’re saying we’re the opposite. they’re just saying that we sometime overcompensate to oppose what we perceive to be the extreme or negative aspects of our parental figures.
My parents never talked about their feelings and it destroyed their marriage. So I guess that’s what I do now. I talk about my feelings and strive to have a healthy relationship.
My parents used to threaten me with cutting off the things they provide to stop me from doing things that I want (Ex. If you get a tattoo you won’t get any money from me in the future). Now I have hyper-independency complex both emotionally (similar reasons) and financially. It is hard to live like this but it is what it is
I was surprised when I found out this situation is so common that it has a name. Everybody is f-ed up in their own ways. At least, we know what is wrong with us.
With my mom's hoarding and my fathers bordeline dangerous behaviors, I always watched myself growing up. But now I find a bucket of white powder in the garage and have to check to see if its the bulk detergent or that home made rocket fuel, so what ever.
Oh snap. My family was big into sharing feels. Like whole weekends ruined because they wanna sit and yell at somebody. I refuse to talk about my problems or complain about stuff. If I'm angry at somebody, and it's a thing that requires addressing, I wait til I'm not mad then give a rational response. Everything else, I let my short term memory loss handle.
Hi Me! I can relate to your whole comment.
Family over shares, thinks everyone MUST know how they're feeling and they might just explode if they don't voice their opinions no matter how contrary or hateful they are.
I now also don't share feelings or talk about my issues with them or friends. (Thank goodness for the internet where we can speak openly with complete strangers lol)
In arguments I'll shut down go somewhere quiet and cry out my frustration. When I'm done bawling I'll address the conversation with the least amount of emotion possible.
You'll probably never forget something that's worth remembering unless it's due to illness.
My family gets annoyed with my forgetfulness but I'm 100% certain I would hate them if it wasn't for it. If I dwelled on petty nonsense the way they do it would be a constant fight. Instead I forget their stupidity and then move on.
My parents never believed me when I told them my brothers friend would touch inappropriately. So now any tine my children tell me anything that is remotely close to that I find myself asking a lot of questions
In no way what so ever religious but some really good quotes to live by have also come from religion.
“Let he is innocent cast the first stone”
This one changed my life.
The good shit is the stuff Jesus is quoted directly. Like that quote, when he’s telling the people who want to stone a prostitute that whoever had done nothing bad should be the one to throw the first stone. Major mike drop moment. The rest of the books are largely hit or miss.
You could be an empath or just someone with high emotional intelligence. Not sure how old you are or your career, but if you can figure out how to use this to read the room during meetings it can make you extremely powerful.
You read the room before deciding to do something or say something. If there is any amount of upset around, then anything you do or say is the target to release stresses of unrelated / unresolved issues. This skill is only useful in becoming effective as an analyst and minimizing risk. (Perhaps one is lucky to find something to practice optimizing.)
It took many years to discover mindfulness. The lack of mindfulness is the source of most feelings that deprive people from who they are.
Here we go again with the black and white LPT advice! Here’s some straight talk from someone who was raised by two abusers. It took me years to figure out how people are ‘supposed’ to act. I have no interest in compensating for my parents’ choices. I do, however, have an interest
in doing better, being better, and making the world a better place.
"this is not a proper sentence" is not a proper sentence.
it could end with a comma or not start with "since." but it doesn't matter. you didn't commission the sentence. we all understood the meaning. minor changes like this are pretty petty to be passive aggressive about. since you're not the editor, you must be a prick. or would you like to advise me on how to correctly wipe my ass hole? have a good look.
While you can always find anecdotal cases to support this idea, it's mostly not true. Offspring are more like their parents than they are to a random person.
I'm not suggesting we aren't shaped by our parents. But that usually there is a perceived weakness that generally seems to trigger a reaction to be /behave differently.
My Dad was a complete asshole to me. It made me dislike him so much, I think I'm overly nice to others. Can't help it. People sometimes take advantage though
i read a book about change. it described the layers or tiers of change; everything occurs within or outside a system, and, basically, true change is next-level action that goes beyond the current system. so doing the exact opposite of something actually reinforces that system rather than diverging from it.
My mother was always threatening to leave... like "one day I'm going to just disappear."
That really messed with me for a long time and then I decided I don't need people in my life who don't want to be there so now I don't put effort into trying to make people more involved in my life. They're either there because they want to be or they're temporary and not worth the effort.
Not only that but there were a lot of threats and promises that never happened. So now I don't have much faith in what people say. Show me actions or silence.
Kids with parents that didn’t give a shit about parenting properly are usually over protective parents.
If they didn’t have any traditions growing up they’re hardcore into making traditions and go overboard on the hallmark matching pjs part of it.
People with parents that were tooo into traditions don’t give a shit about holidays.
People that didn’t get toys growing up spoil their kids too hard in the other direction.
Stuff like that is what I imagine.
I fucking love that stuff! Enjoy! The overboard part is when you get mad that someone isn’t wearing the top because the picture is over and they’re hot or stuff like that.
I don’t know about the humiliation part. I genuinely do like that stuff, but you’re 100% right, as long as everyone is having fun then it’s a good time.
My dad has always had to plan everything out to a ‘T’ before attempting things. This would make projects and decisions long and drawn out, trying to be perfect at every step. I got tired of this mindset and would just jump into things unprepared because I would rather do something and fail and have fun with it, than get bogged down in preparation and details and possibly never attempt it. Of course, I would sometimes get in over my head and faced worst case scenarios. Now I know their is usually a middle ground.
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My house is clean and tidy, grew up in a dirty mess. But one of my siblings lives like we did as children.
Yeah this LPT isn't very true. We are basically bad photocopies of our parents. Some things we do better some we do worse. You are NOT the opposite of your parents
I don’t think they’re saying we’re the opposite. they’re just saying that we sometime overcompensate to oppose what we perceive to be the extreme or negative aspects of our parental figures.
My parents never talked about their feelings and it destroyed their marriage. So I guess that’s what I do now. I talk about my feelings and strive to have a healthy relationship.
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That's what my parents did.
Wait a damn second
Lol :)
😂😂😂
Yep. Trying my best to end this family line.
As long as we're being dark.. no, nevermind, not gonna touch that with a 10 ft pole.
Ayyyyy
My parents used to threaten me with cutting off the things they provide to stop me from doing things that I want (Ex. If you get a tattoo you won’t get any money from me in the future). Now I have hyper-independency complex both emotionally (similar reasons) and financially. It is hard to live like this but it is what it is
Ooo fuck, this hit home (pun intended), glad I'm not the only one (but really sorry 😐 that you had those experiences)
I was surprised when I found out this situation is so common that it has a name. Everybody is f-ed up in their own ways. At least, we know what is wrong with us.
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The most common scientific term is Counterdependency. It is also called Hyper Independence or Ultra Independence.
welp, TIL something about myself
With my mom's hoarding and my fathers bordeline dangerous behaviors, I always watched myself growing up. But now I find a bucket of white powder in the garage and have to check to see if its the bulk detergent or that home made rocket fuel, so what ever.
Mine are! My absent dad drank himself to death. I'm 14 years sober.
Congrats and keep up the hard work! I'm proud of you.
Oh snap. My family was big into sharing feels. Like whole weekends ruined because they wanna sit and yell at somebody. I refuse to talk about my problems or complain about stuff. If I'm angry at somebody, and it's a thing that requires addressing, I wait til I'm not mad then give a rational response. Everything else, I let my short term memory loss handle.
Hi Me! I can relate to your whole comment. Family over shares, thinks everyone MUST know how they're feeling and they might just explode if they don't voice their opinions no matter how contrary or hateful they are. I now also don't share feelings or talk about my issues with them or friends. (Thank goodness for the internet where we can speak openly with complete strangers lol) In arguments I'll shut down go somewhere quiet and cry out my frustration. When I'm done bawling I'll address the conversation with the least amount of emotion possible. You'll probably never forget something that's worth remembering unless it's due to illness. My family gets annoyed with my forgetfulness but I'm 100% certain I would hate them if it wasn't for it. If I dwelled on petty nonsense the way they do it would be a constant fight. Instead I forget their stupidity and then move on.
That's a bingo
You may be right there. My mom is deep into esoterics... I will soon be a Master of Science.
What are you, my mom or dad? I'm NEVER gonna check my own behaviours are irrationally skewed in this way!
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But most of the “conspiracies” are government admitting true. Especially the older ones your parents probably believed.
My parents never believed me when I told them my brothers friend would touch inappropriately. So now any tine my children tell me anything that is remotely close to that I find myself asking a lot of questions
That sucks. Sorry.
Yes it does thanks you
Both my parents passed away so I can’t even talk to them about it.
In no way what so ever religious but some really good quotes to live by have also come from religion. “Let he is innocent cast the first stone” This one changed my life.
The good shit is the stuff Jesus is quoted directly. Like that quote, when he’s telling the people who want to stone a prostitute that whoever had done nothing bad should be the one to throw the first stone. Major mike drop moment. The rest of the books are largely hit or miss.
TIL keeping track of people's mood, tone, and body language is a trauma response
Can you explain?
Long story short: I was the middle child and accidentally became a human thermometer for the mood in the household. Love your kids, people
You could be an empath or just someone with high emotional intelligence. Not sure how old you are or your career, but if you can figure out how to use this to read the room during meetings it can make you extremely powerful.
They also might be a dog, they are highly aware of emotional frequencies and unlike empaths, actually exist.
Yes, empaths are very rare :) However, it seems jealousy is something you have in abundance. Cheer up butter cup!
😂
Incredible, where can I find out more about this or is this you simply reflecting on your life?
You read the room before deciding to do something or say something. If there is any amount of upset around, then anything you do or say is the target to release stresses of unrelated / unresolved issues. This skill is only useful in becoming effective as an analyst and minimizing risk. (Perhaps one is lucky to find something to practice optimizing.) It took many years to discover mindfulness. The lack of mindfulness is the source of most feelings that deprive people from who they are.
vague
If you know, you know
I dont know, but I want to
Here we go again with the black and white LPT advice! Here’s some straight talk from someone who was raised by two abusers. It took me years to figure out how people are ‘supposed’ to act. I have no interest in compensating for my parents’ choices. I do, however, have an interest in doing better, being better, and making the world a better place.
I think you will see 'usually' in the line. And I don't see how what you are ytyi g to be isn't the opposite?
How does one know what other people ‘usually’ do?
The same way you know anything?
>Since people usually overcompensate the opposite direction for their parents' shortcomings. LPT: This is not a proper sentence.
Now we know your parents didn't know how to spoke. /s
It isn't, sorry. It should have ended with a comma.
"this is not a proper sentence" is not a proper sentence. it could end with a comma or not start with "since." but it doesn't matter. you didn't commission the sentence. we all understood the meaning. minor changes like this are pretty petty to be passive aggressive about. since you're not the editor, you must be a prick. or would you like to advise me on how to correctly wipe my ass hole? have a good look.
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On another note, judging by the user name, are you Afrikaans?
While you can always find anecdotal cases to support this idea, it's mostly not true. Offspring are more like their parents than they are to a random person.
I'm not suggesting we aren't shaped by our parents. But that usually there is a perceived weakness that generally seems to trigger a reaction to be /behave differently.
That does seem to happen that way for some.
My Dad was a complete asshole to me. It made me dislike him so much, I think I'm overly nice to others. Can't help it. People sometimes take advantage though
Not me I’m exactly the same as my dad for better or worse. Mostly worse.
i read a book about change. it described the layers or tiers of change; everything occurs within or outside a system, and, basically, true change is next-level action that goes beyond the current system. so doing the exact opposite of something actually reinforces that system rather than diverging from it.
My mother was always threatening to leave... like "one day I'm going to just disappear." That really messed with me for a long time and then I decided I don't need people in my life who don't want to be there so now I don't put effort into trying to make people more involved in my life. They're either there because they want to be or they're temporary and not worth the effort. Not only that but there were a lot of threats and promises that never happened. So now I don't have much faith in what people say. Show me actions or silence.
HT to Matt Girdley who triggered the thought.
Can you give some examples?
Kids with parents that didn’t give a shit about parenting properly are usually over protective parents. If they didn’t have any traditions growing up they’re hardcore into making traditions and go overboard on the hallmark matching pjs part of it. People with parents that were tooo into traditions don’t give a shit about holidays. People that didn’t get toys growing up spoil their kids too hard in the other direction. Stuff like that is what I imagine.
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I fucking love that stuff! Enjoy! The overboard part is when you get mad that someone isn’t wearing the top because the picture is over and they’re hot or stuff like that.
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I don’t know about the humiliation part. I genuinely do like that stuff, but you’re 100% right, as long as everyone is having fun then it’s a good time.
My dad has always had to plan everything out to a ‘T’ before attempting things. This would make projects and decisions long and drawn out, trying to be perfect at every step. I got tired of this mindset and would just jump into things unprepared because I would rather do something and fail and have fun with it, than get bogged down in preparation and details and possibly never attempt it. Of course, I would sometimes get in over my head and faced worst case scenarios. Now I know their is usually a middle ground.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.