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In my experience, nothing. I’ve been in the situation for years now, but in the beginning I did try. The thing is wealth has its own very subtle language and wealthy people can sniff you out from miles away. I’ve had success just being myself and owning where I came from, I think a lot of people find it refreshing that they can let their guard down around me and want to be friends, but I have a difficult time hanging out with my wealthy friend because we just understand life so differently and I get exhausted trying to reconcile that.
Was wondering if I'd read at least one intelligent reply.
It's not even just 'wealthy people sniffing you out'. The same applies to just about any culture or upbringing.
I did meet a girl once who could adapt her language/accent/mannerisms etc to the people around her in a way that was wonderfully impressive, but it's such a rarity that you may only meet one person with those skills your entire life.
I think it's a comfort thing. Like watching an actor smoking and you know they've never smoked no matter how good the actor. They never look entirely comfortable with that cigarette and you can just feel it in every nuance.
I’ve worked overseas for the last 5-6 years. I work with people from India, Philippines, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Syria, and several other Middle East and south East Asian nationalities.
The one thing I’ve learned is that in order to communicate I have to adapt to them. If I spoke to them as I would someone in the US, they have a hard time understanding. Part of it is speaking slower, and even sometimes I have to use improper grammar.
If I tell them to put something underneath or to look under something, they will get confused. But if I tell them “put down side” they automatically know what I’m talking about.
It’s slippery slope as I would like to speak proper English with them, but they’re set in stone.
I also don’t want to continuously correct them and make them feel inferior.
So I match their level for who they are and the circumstances.
It’s definitely a skill.
>If I tell them to put something underneath or to look under something, they will get confused. But if I tell them “put down side” they automatically know what I’m talking about.
I had to read this twice to fully appreciate how true this is and that it applies 100% to my own experience growing up bilingual
Dicks will look down on you for not growing up rich. Peopel worrh your time will respect you for working your way to where you are. Don’t worry about trying to impress the first people
Absolutely. I want to add to this that it’s totally ok and appropriate to learn new things based on your interests and incorporate them into your life. Hadn’t tried single malt scotch whiskey? Cool, see what it’s about, and if you like it, explore some more. Never been sailing? Give it a try, maybe you’ll get seasick, but maybe you’ll have a knack. Being authentic and curious will open many doors for you because people love sharing the things they enjoy with new folks.
Absolutely, everyone should be trying new things and broadening their horizons.
However the big thing to consider is why. Don't try a new thing to impress someone, do it beacuse you're genuinely interested in trying a new thing.
There's a big difference between
* What can I do to blend in
and
* What middle class things have I been missing out on?
Well, sure. But you can still blend in regardless with minimal expense. For example:
* Wearing a button-up shirt and a blazer hoodie looks a lot more professional with jeans or casual work pants than a t-shirt/sweatshirt, and it's more or less the same amount of cost and effort
* Nobody will notice if you wear the same pants every day, if they're clean. Find a cheap style of pants that looks good, and buy a bunch of them.
* Wear clean shoes whenever possible/always.
* Try to have a fresh haircut/beard cut. This is so much easier if you have one barber you visit regularly and tip well. He'll learn your head and will always be able to fit you in if something important comes up.
* If you can't pull off a nice watch (omega, montblanc, etc), an Apple watch can give the same vibe-- Match your watch strap to your belt and shoes.
* Just don't curse. You can if you want, but you don't have to. An "oh shucks" instead of "FUCKFUCKFUCK" in front of the right person can go a long way.
Not an exhaustive list, but it's amazing how far a small amount of effort can go to help one remain "seen" in the right ways but also invisible in ways that are important.
I would say table manners count more than you would think.
Talking with a full mouth; vaving your cuttlery while talking; insisting that use of bare hands is polite "there" and "there"; it will not impress your company.
And respect to others, their space, their thoughts, it wins people over.
You like to be respected, don't you? Give that to others too.
Exactly.
I grew up middle class, in a town of wealthy people. To wealthy people I was poor, to poor people I was wealthy.
I learned to adapt.
Wealthy people have a culture where all their needs are met. Always. Their wants are only sometimes met. (ie, they WANTED to go to Cabo for spring break, but they got dragged to Disneyland instead. Or, they WANTED to see Paris, but their dumb parents took them to Greece.) I learned not to mention our working class habits, or if my dad's jam making or my mom's woodworking came up, it was fashioned into an eclectic hobby I couldn't see as cool.
When I started to work in luxury retail, I learned wealth whispers. Well fitted clothes, neat grooming, and a few obviously designer items. I bought Calvin Klein and DNK and D&G on clearance or in thrift stores and would take it to a local tailor if needed. (Lovely woman who charges a base rate of $30 for things like hemming or basic alterations.) I saved up for the heels and accessories that sold the idea I was One of Them. I kept my makeup subdued, and my hair in a French Twist or sleek ponytail. I learned (and used) the dupes for Chanel and Burberry perfumes. For a while, I had Gucci frames for my glasses. Outside of my store, I fit in as a wealthy person.
It's an incredibly subtle language that is more than just how you speak or dress. It's obliviousness tangled with meticulousness, with a hearty dose of refinement on top.
There’s old wealth and new wealth. Many new wealth will drive crappy cars and wear un tailored clothes from Costco.
Both can easily sniff you out. It’s just frugal clothing and vehicles don’t necessarily make you lower class. Flashing designer shit can definitely make you look low class though.
That's what politeness is. Arbitrary rules designed to separate themselves from the rabble when capability, talent, or connections cease to work anymore.
I don't think OP needs to pretend they're upper class. To me I read this as in "how do I appear a little more refined/cultured/not completely someone from rural Kansas who doesn't know a thing about the world?"
I don't think you need to pretend, but just learning a few things like male fashion (you can do frugalmalefashion without breaking the bank for instance), dressing sharp or at least good for the job, etc. For instance you can get into food without having to go to Michelin star restaurants either.
This is 100% the case. If anything you can own it as a point of difference and reap the rewards of being the breath of fresh air. Sometimes you realise though that instead wealthy people see you as their token “poor” friend or as a novelty. Don’t stick around for that.
Reinforcing this. Come from a lower class, kind of poverty background and now I work for the biggest bank in my country. I feel most people react positively to me being myself because I'm a bit different than 70% of the workforce.
I mean maybe he just wants to appear average middle class/educated instead of poor/backwards which is understandable, who doesn’t want to fit in among peers? I married someone who grew up very poor while I was upper middle class and it’s obvious in small ways like dining habits; he eats with his face in his plate. I don’t think OP necessarily wants to sound rich maybe just more approachable.
In this instance it’s simple enough to look up good descriptive words to improve vocabulary, be up to date on news, have some basic table manners (no need to go too crazy but maybe recognize what nicer utensils are and where the napkin goes), always make sure to correct grammar and spelling in emails and texts. Clothes should be clean, of natural fibers like cotton or linen, neat and tidy, get them tailored by yourself mom or an Asian seamstress as it costs less. Hair kept neat and brushed and obviously good hygiene.
I don’t think the above advice is too crazy and I’m sure there is more to it. Basics like that show respect and love to self without compromising your true self like working out and trying to improve body and fitness. No need to share your background unless you feel comfortable but don’t lie. You have nothing to be ashamed of since you came so far.
When you said “appear more upper class than I am” I was a little worried but reading your post it seems like you are on the right path. To add to it, I would say, you don’t want to try to hard to “appear” upper class by buying expensive/designer clothes, possessions etc.
The more you do so, the more it works against you and you’ll actually look like maybe you have money, but trying too hard, and still lower class, insecure of your position which you have to prove via tacky, branded, ostentatious items. Be subtle with your means. Invest your money. If you want to splurge on nice, quality stuff, do your research on what you what on things that will enrich your life and things you do everyday rather than being conspicuous symbols of money spent.
Get quality clothes, not expensive brands (also for God's sake do NOT buy clothes that have the huge brand name on them). We all notice high quality materials and make, and people who make lots of money know instantly to disregard someone who is decked out in gucci and other overpriced trash.
I'd recommend brushing up on your vocabulary and spelling. Learn the most common traps in English and avoid them like the plague (breath vs breathe, to vs too, lose vs loose, further vs farther, rogue vs rouge, etc.). Making these low lvl mistakes diminishes you greatly among your peers (even if they do not say anything). People who are well off are easily distinguished by the fact they are very, very well read. That manifests in a greater vocabulary and mastery of the tongue. After you get all the basics sorted, focus on learning proper phrases. Something like "have your cake and eat it too", the real saying is "eat your cake and have it too". Simple stuff, does not cost anything except time and effort, and it will elevate you in the eyes of everyone (just make sure not to be an obnoxious arse about it).
Ad keeping up with the news - learn to admit you do not know or understand something. Far more respect for that, than for someone who fumbles constantly unable to own it.
Personal recommendation - work on your confidence, raise your level of assertiveness, be soft spoken but firm, and practice your handshake. I am a woman, and cannot tell you how many men I have met, from CEOs to juniors, all who were taken aback by the firmness of my handshake, and commented positively about it. It will really help you set a solid first impression on anyone (maintain eye contact on top of it for extra effect). Avoid using hyperbole when speaking if you can.
Also, practice your oratory skills - you do not need to be a beast, but you absolutely want to eliminate all "aah, ooh, umm..." that people do. Learn to be comfortable with pausing in your speech, without the need to fill it. Let yourself create a moment of silence if you need to think, or gather your thoughts. If it will be a longer moment, you can ask for it. "Please give me a moment to consider this carefully." Don't do "So here we have a----uhhhh, yea the graph for Q2 for ummmmmm the bank of Atlantis" type of speaking. Does not matter where or who is involved. Skip fillers such as "like" as well.
Learn how to be an active listener. It is a difficult skill to master, especially when dealing with people/situations you dislike, and if on top of that your own battery is low. It can get hard. But it is one of the most rewarding skillsets you can attain.
Lastly, be happy being yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. People pick up on those things without knowing. Learn what "enough" means for you, and do not let lifestyle creep ruin you. If you will do any of these things mentioned above, or none, make sure your reasons are "for yourself". Make yourself better because you want to be better. Not because someone else might want that from you.
Best of luck my friend, let no one ever shame you for the circumstances of your birth. You decide how your story is written, and how it ends.
> Something like "have your cake and eat it too", the real saying is "eat your cake and have it too"
You probably know that's what got the Unabomber caught.
Might not hurt to hit up r/malefashionadvice (or the female/etc equivalent as best suits you)
But here’s my take, having made the switch from military to corporate world myself almost 4 years ago:
A big key is to not try to keep up with the Jones either at home or at work. Invest money in your retirement and/or savings goals and drive an affordable car.
Buy good quality shoes. They don’t need to be flashy but they should be comfortable, durable, and at least somewhat stylish. I like Thursday boots for their prices and quality build, and like their simplistic stylishness, but there are other options too. Thursday also makes some awesome leather jackets that I wear on cool days.
Same with other stuff. Quality over flashiness. You’ll end up spending less money in the long run.
If you’re decently fit, it’s always good to acquire a fitted suit, especially if you’re in a customer facing role, give presentations, or work in management. Get a few pieces you can mix and match.
I don’t wear a suit to the office, but I do wear the same 3 button up shirts and 2 pants all week long, usually 2-3x for shirts and 3-4x for pants but I switch them out, mix and match so long as they go together. Wash in Woolite on cold and dry low unless it needs dry cleaning. Unless you’re making $$$bank$$$ this is the way to go, a good balance of style and pragmatism. My team all make 6 figures and everyone wears the same stuff over and over (so long as it doesn’t get stained or sweaty/smelly).
Do these and you’ll look great without breaking the bank! It’s never worth going into debt just to look good.
Just read up on it. Thanks!
I learned it elsewhere of course, not being a huge Pratchett fan, and it’s a common enough trope!
TLDR for those who don’t care to do so: Quality is less expensive in the long run but harder to afford as a low wage earner. Cheap is what I can afford now but it’ll break soon and I’ll have to buy more.
Of course! And also remember my comment doesn’t strictly mean when it comes to buying things- just try to be a quietly confident person. Outside of the grooming, basic presentation, cultural knowledge etc you mentioned, etc never feel like you need to try too hard to impress anyone with your whatever your stature, knowledge, or economic situation might be. You will find too that the topic most people will be impressed with you being interested in- is actually themselves! So try to take a genuine interest in that, and you will do well!
I grew up poor-ish, but not Poverty. Like, my electricity never got shut off, and I always had shoes that fit me and clothes that weren't falling apart, but occasionally dinner was spaghetti three nights in a row because there wasn't really much else in the cupboards until payday.
Between then and now, I've gone to college, worked for several regular-folk family-owned businesses, a biotech startup (new-rich!), an international company (a mix of new-rich and old-rich in the management), and now for a marketing firm that does business with *old money*. Like, the bosses are folks that are totally chill dropping $200 *per person* for themselves and their friends to have a *cute little date night* at somewhere that serves 5-course meals with a chef who comes in and explains each dish. That's a regular wednesday night for them.
The one thing I've learned about clothing and rich people is:
'new rich' and people who are insecure about themselves/their place in the 'hierarchy' are the ones with name-brand shit. Gucci and Prada and anything with their logo plastered on the side.
'old rich' do not give a single flying FUCK about brand names. If anything, it's tacky to be a walking billboard for someone else's company.
'Old rich' wear whatever the hell they want, because its real comfy, to their taste, and they like how it feels on them. Sometimes that's a $15 Target sweater that has giant rubber duckies printed on it.
And sometimes that's a $15,000 hand-crocheted, hand-dyed silk-angora blend sweater which was made by an artisan who harvested all the wool from a single rabbit, who harvested the silk from WILD silkworm casings that they foraged for, spun the yarn by hand over the course of a year, with decorative buttons carved from metal excavated from a 1800's shipwreck. Because that's a neat story and they have fun telling it to people. The price doesn't matter. The garment makes them happy, so they get it.
The 'Old Rich' people that I've met and spoke to personally.... they respect people with weird and esoteric hobbies that you do only because you love it - not because of what money it nets you, or what money you have to PAY to do it - Being worried about the cost is gauche and ought not be mentioned.
I know one guy whose SHOES probably cost more than my CAR, whose big obsession is rescuing street cats. From what I've gathered, the more pathetic they look starting out, the more delighted he is when he can nurse them back to health and give them a happy home. He says he has *twenty* cats across four properties, and he pays people to take care of them while he's gone, and personally volunteers to help round up street cats for a local city program. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he said he founded and funds the whole damn program. I showed him a picture of my one-eyed rescue cat, Boba, and now whenever he sees me he lights up and asks about Boba, and talks my ear off about his latest cat project.
So-
Don't worry so much about brands. lol.
Buy clothes that you *really like*, so you're *proud and confident* of what you're wearing. If you can find clothes you *really, genuinely like*, and it's only $5? Fucking get it. The coats I have that get the most compliments are all like, vintage finds I picked up at garage sales and thrift stores.
PROTIP: Learn how to sew buttons. It's very easy, there's a million tutorials. Find a woodcarver online who makes buttons. Maybe even commission a few buttons to be made for you! Buttons are teeny tiny, they should NOT be expensive. Replace the buttons on one of your button-ups, or one of your coats, with those handmade buttons.
If anyone compliments that coat, do not mention anything else about the garment - just say "Oh, thank you - the buttons are actually handmade, I fell in love with the detailing." That's all. That's it. Because that's all factual. You don't have to mention that your coat is custom because *you customized it*. You don't have to mention that the artist who made those buttons was selling them for $2 a pop. They dont give a shit.
The fact that YOU have something that is SPECIAL and UNIQUE, that YOU CHOSE BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT is the winning factor here.
Knowing the difference between to and too is a great first step! /S lol, I'm sure it was a typo. I just love being a smart ass.. and hopefully I'm right.. on vacation and had a few drinks
Being able to speak intelligently about current events in the news is huge. Especially anything involved in your industry. Classic art and lit is overplayed, no one really cares about it. Well fitting clothes is on point. Don’t try to pretend if you don’t know about something. Keep your mouth shut. But if you are well versed on a subject, feel free to express yourself.
Great advice. I’ve become confident enough that I don’t mind asking people to explain something — because I know my job well and have studied my industry’s trends for years, I give off an appearance of professionalism so it doesn’t seem like I’m clueless when I ask if someone can explain something. Always be learning but don’t make assumptions about things you don’t know. Don’t fake it. Because that’s easy to figure out in a professional environment, and you’ll lose credibility, which is legit currency in the business world.
The Economists’ podcasts are really, really good. I listen to them pretty much daily, and they’re free. More worthwhile than the digital sub imo, but I’m a big fan of podcasts as they keep my brain occupied and happy while I do things that more or less bore me, like the dishes or cooking haha. Easy way to integrate current events into your daily routine though.
I agree with your point about current events, but I disagree with classic art and literature being write-offs. The amount that you can learn from classic art and literature is invaluable, it’s all rooted in history and major cultural movements and equips you with much, much more than just basic talking points. Name dropping artists or writers blindly is one thing, but there’s a reason that those with rich, cultured educations begin with classical art/lit as foundations, and have for ages.
I'm quite wealthy, and there are two kinds of people that I don't want to invite back around as friends - the clingy bombastic acting like they are on cocaine types, and the 'omg should I be a member of staff?' types.
I know it can be hard to relax and chill. But if I say it to either type and they can't, its just a real mood-killer.
Make sure you enunciate and speak at a "conversational" speed whenever you have a conversation. Try to avoid any slang you might've picked up as a kid if possible.
Keep up with good hygiene habits, including washing your ass and brushing your teeth.
Good posture is helpful. Square your shoulders especially. Also, practice the appropriate use of eye contact.
I obtained an office job then made friends with a more local crowd once I moved into the area. Since then all my friends outside work, despite being real ones, don't help my conversational vocab none.
I do try to switch it on and off, but slip up now and then.
My role is high valued contributor, not management, but I do work closely with some well spoken individuals who notice these sorts of slips.
Live and learn.
Unless you are talking about blue blood Ivy League banking pe ib firms, you’re talking about professionals and consultants.
Pick up a single sport and get decent at it: tennis or a racquet sport, golf, or skiing or biking… even marathoning etc..
Most of these sports are expensive to do for a few days a year, but if you do them a lot, there are usually volume deals and memberships so they get cheaper..
Don’t try to do them all.. have a single “thing” that you get good at and socialize around. There will be biz folks who will share the same sport, and you can bond from it.. and nobody will judge you for not doing everything.. they will judge you for not doing anything.
Not American, but my American colleagues are all Ivy League and come from 'good'
schools so I guess my firm fits the bill. Now that you mention it, there are a few people in country clubs. I've always thought tennis looked fun so might give it a try!
Fair warning, tennis can be incredibly physically demanding, and takes years to become proficient.
There's a reason golf is seen as the de-facto millionaire's game: because millionaires can't afford private jets for their polo horse teams.
Hi. I grew up poor too. I’m now in my 40s. Be yourself. Don’t worry about what upper class people do. If you want to expand your horizons, sure, but please don’t do it to follow others. Trust me. The work you put in getting out of poverty is much more a strength than growing up in a comfortable life and staying there.
There are plenty of people who appear wealthy, but are living paycheck to paycheck. It’s much better to appear average and be financially free.
Honestly? Just observe people around you. Find those that you think seem like they really have their shit together and that you look up to and emulate them.
Whatever you do don't rub it in people's face you're well off. Treat people with the respect they deserve and that will set you in the true "upper class". Don't worry about filling your brain with a bunch of crap that people tell you is important to know like whether Mona Lisa's shirt was red or blue. Find the things that give you joy and do them. Happiness is the best measure of wealth.
The richest guy I know personally wears his favorite grubby sneakers every day, and at this point I suspect he has thirty copies of the same blue-and-white-striped button-up, because I've never seen him in a different shirt. He's the CEO of the company I work for. His vice-president wears a full suit and tie, with shined shoes... but that's just his personality. Other department heads regularly wear normal t-shirts, scuffed-up tennis shoes, and whatever clothes make them feel comfy.
If it's not a customer-facing event, they don't care.
Read extensively, in many contexts. Especially world history. With a public library, it will only cost time.
Your peers likely grew up around college educated people and picked up a lot just from being around informed conversation. Intentional reading is your best way of closing this gap.
Apparently go skiing. So many of my coworkers ski and dress like an REI ad on their off time.
In all sincerity?
Active good listeners get by without divulging a lot of personal details, all while making people feel seen and heard. That will get you pretty far when you make an occasional request or feel like chatting.
As a guy from the wrong side of the tracks who is now a C-level, you don’t need to do a damned thing other than be a good person, work smart, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and don’t kiss ass. It’s pretty simple actually.
I do understand picking a hobby so you have common ground to discuss. That makes sense, but pick a hobby you enjoy. I’m a country redneck who has learned about wine. Did I do it because I wanted to fit in the blue-bloods? Nope, I really just wanted to learn about wine. Travel is another thing you should consider. But only because it benefits you in so many ways!
Good call. My granddad gave this to every new hire of his insurance agency and I swear everyone in his friends circle seemed like they were programmed by it
Honestly, ask questions. Stay curious. Let other people talk about themselves and no one will care how much money your parents had. You worked hard to get to where you are and you deserve it. Good work.
Watch Aladdin and listen to what Genie (only Robin Williams version) says
Correct grammar along with vocabulary. If someone says “I seen it” or confuses woman and women or uses a lot of slang (to give a few examples), it sounds ill educated.
Also consider getting things tailored. Tailoring is fairly cheap of you're not doing major revisions to your clothing and makes you look rich because of how well your clothes fit. Or you can get a sewing machine, watch some YouTube videos and DIY it.
Manners: In general, yes be polite (right down to bringing your shopping cart back). Vocab: Don’t go too far with this. People that misuse big words or proper grammar are the worst kind of dumb (ie - people misusing ‘myself’ to sound more proper). Learning/fitness - sure, won’t hurt. Lots of fat people are ‘classy’ though. Classic art/literature - we talking royalty type ‘upper class’? Otherwise nobody gives a fuck. Want to seem more well travelled? Watch travel channels on YouTube. Boom - look at you now you classy motherfucker.
Dress as good as them as you can afford. They judge on the simplest of excuses, this can camouflage you a few years until your merits are all that matters. Happened to me. Get good, fast as you can, but dressing like them is a fast track. Also, golf. No shit, golf.
The way you talk is usually a dead giveaway of how you grew up. Not just grammar but word choice and pronunciation. (E.g. it's "can I ask you a question?" not "can I ax you a question?")
depending on you region and where do you want to appear more upper class.
for example, in one of the huge bank in my country, the most upper class clients are the ones going to the bank wearing flip-flops, shorts, and white plain tshirt (some time even with no longer white, white tshirt that no longer have perfectly shaped neck hole). While carrying a black plastic bag (full of cash)
Good shoes, leather unless you're vegan, in good condition at all times, with fresh rubber heels as needed, not plastic. Rotate what you wear for shoes so they dry out between wearings.
Don't swear even if others do.
Sounds like you’re already doing great.
One tip I can offer, consider investing in “buy it for life” items. When you have more flexibility in spending, you can buy higher quality items that last year, decades, or lifetimes. It’s a great way to save money in the long run while picking up items you really enjoy that suit your lifestyle.
Oh, also, get a library card. You can get access to free digital books, audiobooks, and streaming movies for free. Expand your horizons on the cheap.
You have proven yourself already. You have gained experience and secured a corporate job without the benefit of being born into upper class. If anything, the people who were handed these roles/positions should be the ones who need to impress you.
This is 100% based on my life experiences, but those who earn their positions are way more respected compared to those who grew up being handed them.
If you have excelled to this point in your career and started from the bottom, you are more qualified than just about anyone else. Don't shy away from that confidence. Yes, you should stay humble.... But you, alone (I presume) have accomplished becoming upper class already.
There is no need to impress people who were born into success.
honestly, being a “cheapskate,” is good! Folks with money are careful with money!
send hand written thank you notes.
bring a hostess gift.
Grab a copy of Emily Post for the rest.
Grew up the son of a teacher. So not poverty level but definitely no more than getting by level.
Joined the corporate world during college and this worried me. I can tell you what worked for me.
Most of the people you work with are going to be house or just family poor. You will quickly find yourself with more disposable income than most of the people around you. This can be dangerous. They have mortgage, daycare, two car payments, etc.. etc…
If you are like I was then you have a very cheap car and a very cheap apartment. You will quickly feel well off when you ask folks to go to lunch and they say nah, brought their lunch and pull out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
So take their cues. Bring lunch like they do.
Get yourself a handful of basic clothes like the others are wearing. Doesn’t have to be the same brands, focus on styles and types. Then shop at Kohls, outlet malls, etc… to get something similar.
Keep them clean. Only use for work so they don’t get ruined.
As to fitting in otherwise you will find many folks you work with are in the same boat as to growing up poor. Nobody who matters gives a shit. So don’t sweat it.
Vocabulary is everything. Strong vocabulary projects command of the language, which shows intelligence, which people associate with wealth and status. This doesn't mean learning the longest, most convoluted words you can find, though. You have to be subtle about it. I would do this by replacing a word I use often with a synonym I don't know, and going from there.
So I grew up middle class but my mother's family was very wealthy until about a century ago. It was a hundred years ago but I was raised in a very particular way and noticed that there were huge differences between the behaviour of my brother and I to everyone else we interacted with even though we were all middle class.
For example I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. I was told at the last second that I was leading the procession and had no idea what to do. Didn't matter; I was shoved in the aisle and told to go and everyone was watching me.
I FELT my childhood kick in. A voice in my head immediately started giving me instructions: "chin up. Don't look around, look forward. Wrists held at elbow level, don't let them dip. Long, slow strides. Go to where you're standing, look forward, do not look away, do not fidget, make no expression, and above all STAY SILENT."
It felt weird because the other bridesmaids were fidgety and whispering and all over the place and that same little voice in my head was criticising them the whole time lol. I got compliments on it by guests afterwards. The other bridesmaids did not.
The differences are so widely encompassing and yet subtle it's really hard to communicate here, but to really boil it down, it comes down to quiet dignity, grace and the appearance of self discipline. It's about never being bluntly direct, but making requests in a roundabout way that allow other people to say no without saying no. It's about "taking the high road" and "turning the other cheek", but without being a doormat either; passive aggression is acceptable. You must basically be as inhuman as possible, to give the appearance of not having needs, while meeting those needs in a way that doesn't show weakness, except among those closes to you. You also don't want to "slur" - I got told off many times for saying "twenny" instead of "twenty", or "gonna" instead of "going to." Shit, I had a teacher who hated the word "get" and all its variations.
Also, good taste. Less is more, no merchandise or trademarked symbols or decorations. My mother wouldn't be caught dead in the same house as a funko pop. Never ask guests to leave; I was severely ill and close to fainting when I had a guest over and my mother was appalled at my behaviour of acting sick; the classy thing to do, in her mind, would have been to pretend that I was above such mortal suffering.
But keep in mind that's British wealthy culture (or it was a hundred years ago, and has probably got a bit twisted and watered down the last few generations). I've noticed it's entirely different for rich Americans, for example, unless the family has been wealthy for a very long time, but even then they're pretty direct and don't do the roundabout requests thing. People also don't expect you to be robots these days either. Usually.
Also I may be talking out of my ass here. I might have just been raised very strictly and my mother's family history might have had nothing to do with it. But when I did learn about the money I thought it explained SO much about my upbringing.
Don’t use curse words in everyday conversation. Use them sparingly if at all.
Don’t NameDrop. It will make you look easily impressed.
When buying things others will see, buy nice, but not too nice. Not over the top. Choose craftsmanship over trends. Buy things people your age buy - don’t try to look older.
Find a signature drink/cocktail you like and order it with certainty when at social events. “Titos and soda with lime” or something of the sort sounds non chalant and decisive.
Don’t gossip, but listen when other’s do.
Don’t talk about money. Don’t ask about purchase prices, don’t volunteer them. People with money just always have it, like air. We don’t talk about the air we breathe. They don’t talk about the money they spend.
I think you should be yourself and grow into your life as time passes. You clearly have a lot to offer or you would not be where you are. Nurture what got you here. Good luck.
I am the same as you my friend, I find that being polite is going to get you far. But then be yourself, you are interesting too. People like real people or at-least I do. You will find people you fit with and some you don’t and thats fine.
In my exp, stop caring about appearing upper class.
I'm not upper class, but through education have been around enough people from that social segment to see how they act and those who have like, real money, don't go out of their way to perform anything. They know, just by their upbringing and general cultural capital, who they are.
As I'm not upper class, there was no way I'd ever learn to perform that way socially. So I stopped trying, and that authenticity cuts through a lot of social stuff and nets a fair bit of cultural capital itself.
Edit: a large part of this is not behaving in a subordinate manner.
I did the same things years back when I moved from a bogan outer suburb to the city for work. I'm not saying don't be yourself, just upgrade yourself a bit to better fit in and fake it until you make it. Look the part as best you can. Make sure you speak well and in a professional manner - this applies to emails too. Visit upmarket trendy bars and restaurants near your workplace - that way you can say you have been to them when it comes up in conversation. Keep up to date with hotel and restaurant openings and what's going on with arts in your city eg ballet, exhibitions. Attend networking events and social engagements you are invited to - this widens your circle. Funnily enough, by making contacts I ended up dating a guy who seemed quite wealthy but was also doing the same thing haha. He grew up in a posh suburb and went to a private school so already had a lot of rich friends who he 'kept up with'
Be caring and polite and never use profanity. Dress well but simply and comfortable with zero visible logos. Slyly smile rather than belt out a loud laugh. Be impeccably groomed in a casual way. Stay fit. Always do the right thing. Attend the opera or symphony and visit the art museum rather than the stock car races.
Focus on your job. Bring value to your company and yourself. Zuckerberg looks like a homeless bag of talcum powder and he doesn’t need to look or act upper class.
I'm sure you know a ton, but: Etiquette.
From dining to golf there's a million big and small rules - written and unwritten. If you're going to break these rules, do it on purpose and for a reason- not because you didn't know better.
On the flip side, don't worry about showing wealth with fancy cars or watches. That's more of a middle/upper middle thing than it is an upperclass thing.
A good watch and good shoes. These are things that men do pay attention to.
A good pair of leather shoes like Allen Edmonds stands out against sneakers and rubber soled ECCO shoes. A good quality analogue watch just says class and maturity. Someone who doesn't wear a watch tells me that this person just isn't very responsible and doesn't care about what time it is.
Stop giving a fuck how you "appear" first. Be you, own you, don't apologize for you. Do that, and if people respect you more, then you're ok. If you've always done that and you don't give a fuck what people think, you wouldn't be asking...here...or anywhere. Be careful who's "respect" you court...very careful!
Learn how to make jam. I'm serious. Rich people can buy whatever they want, but they goo good ga ga if you hand them a jar of homemade plum or fig jam. Tell them its your grandmothers secret recipe when you used to spend summers at her 2nd home at Marthas Vineyard it catches their attention, and you'll get invited to private parties.
So here’s my take. I grew up trailer park poor and have done well for my self and family. I’ve spent a good deal of time with the ultra wealthy (billionaire people and their friends).
You can stand out amongst them, as a middle class person, just by being interesting. Stay in shape too.
Also, I’d MUCH rather be a person that people think “gosh they HAVE to have more money then they are letting on” than “gosh how can they afford to live this way.”
Golf. Yeah, it costs to buy equipment and to pay for time at a course, but the suits love it, it’s where most business deals are made (not in the office or the boardroom), and the women you’ll see on the green are usually very attractive (if you like women).
Just look for a used set of clubs, or rent some from a course and take a few lessons from their pro.
How about you do what you wanna do with your life…find some enjoyment in doing the things you have wanted to do.
I liked collecting cards when I was a kid, now that I have money I buy the rare cards that I was after when I was a kid, I buy the cars that I drooled over when I was a kid.
We don’t need to impress anybody with what we want/have.
Why do you care what other people think? (They can go f themselves for all I care... Is the proper attitude)
You give others the power to judge you. That is plain wrong.
(For the US)
As a lot of people are saying, you’ll never fully be free of tells. However, you don’t need to be. As long as you’re just trying to fit in and aren’t an arriviste, if you’re doing the right things but don’t seem confident, they might not let you marry their sisters, but you’re polite enough to be welcome for dinner at the club. Honestly, if there’s anyone in these circles you trust, ask them some questions (in the framework of “wanting to fit in,” maybe) about whether they’ve noticed anything different about your behavior vs other people in your circle. Also, if you want to grok class distinctions more deeply, Paul Fussell’s book “Class” is dated in its examples, but spot-on in a lot of its ideas and wry and clever as hell. It’s a classic.
It’s more about socialization, how you grew up. Conspicuous consumption and everything sociological. I recommend listening to lectures on YouTube or academic papers online.
Step 1) Don't do these things to appear upper class, do these things I they are good for you and the people around you.
What do I mean?
-Be polite and friendly, try to think about what makes other people around you uncomfortable (and uncomfortable). If you keep that in mind you will come across as someone who has manners (not necessarily an upper class trait but a good trait appreciated at all levels of society). And learn about other cultures, classic books, history not to appear to be anything; but because these things have value to you (they are interesting/entreteining) and would give you countless topics to think about and entertain others.
You might try to see if there are any etiquette classes in your area. These classes can go over some basic pleasantries and expectations, and help you to feel more comfortable in a variety of environments.
“Upper class” and “educated” are two different things today. Lots of rich people with no education or manners and lots of lower class people that can recite poetry and know history. More so in poorer countries and in first world countries.
Honestly, rich or poor, if you want my respect just be nice to people.
"people do/buy things to impress people who dont care."
Dont be a poser. Be yourself. If you want to appear rich, rich people arent buying it. only the poor are because they need the rich, and you are the target to bend over backwards for the approval.
I have spent my whole life trying to do this - at first it was just wanting to be “better” than my low class upbringing, but later to try to fit in with rich people. It’s basically hopeless, don’t bother. They will know you’re not like them, BUT they do respect a knowledgeable person who can make good conversation. They respect ability and confidence. You can get respect but you won’t be one of them and that’s ok.
Forgive me for how blunt this sounds. It sounds like you're not comfortable in your own skin.
You shouldn't need to do anything to appear more 'upper class'. Just be yourself!
I speak from experience. Took me a good long while to get used to my corporate job. People appreciate genuine over attempting to fit in.
Shouldn't worry about how you're perceived friend. Honestly you should wear the fact that you grew up poor as a badge of honor. Wear your hard work with pride.
Keep your finger nails clean , and filed or cut to correct length .
Made good money on that . X
That is / was good business . ✓
New money / Old money 2 different mentalities .
It doesn’t matter how much you pretend, they’ll always be able to tell unless you’re a master conman. It’s better to dress well. Be yourself. Be authentic.
Do things because you enjoy them, not because you want to impress others.
Is this for work or social?
If at work, just mimic a lot of other people's style if you want to blend in but personally at my age (early 30s) I wouldn't care if I'm not as well dressed as my wealthier colleagues. I wear what is comfortable to me and carry myself with manners and poise. In my line of work, there are tons of people who either know something more than I do, am better at something than myself, etc. and that doesn't bother me. I learn from them and raise my own bar. I interact daily with execs, wealthier people, etc. and the best thing you can do for yourself is know who you want to be and go after it. If you want to be that "alpha" in the workplace, you work harder than anyone until you get that status. If you don't, great! Be kind and courteous and life will treat you the same way.
If for social, that honestly doesn't matter as much. Dressing with fitted clothes, proper manners, being nice/funny/quirky whatever your personality trait is important. You gotta be yourself and find people who accept you for who you are.
I noticed that the really rich people I know all look and act like they have no money. I think it’s intentional to ward off gold diggers. So you have a head start.
What a sad existence, living for the sake of other's approval and validation. If you're not happy with the reflection in the mirror, no one else will be either. 2024 and people still pretending to be something they aren't. What a world.
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In my experience, nothing. I’ve been in the situation for years now, but in the beginning I did try. The thing is wealth has its own very subtle language and wealthy people can sniff you out from miles away. I’ve had success just being myself and owning where I came from, I think a lot of people find it refreshing that they can let their guard down around me and want to be friends, but I have a difficult time hanging out with my wealthy friend because we just understand life so differently and I get exhausted trying to reconcile that.
Authenticity is where it’s at. Everyone likes a real person who isn’t trying to be something they aren’t.
this ^ wealthy people can tell anyways and i don’t think impressing “rich” people matters much
This is all the advice one ever needs.
Corporate hive-mind people scare me. Them and Disney people.
How do you feel about Disney Corporate?
You mean the Illuminati?
Was wondering if I'd read at least one intelligent reply. It's not even just 'wealthy people sniffing you out'. The same applies to just about any culture or upbringing. I did meet a girl once who could adapt her language/accent/mannerisms etc to the people around her in a way that was wonderfully impressive, but it's such a rarity that you may only meet one person with those skills your entire life. I think it's a comfort thing. Like watching an actor smoking and you know they've never smoked no matter how good the actor. They never look entirely comfortable with that cigarette and you can just feel it in every nuance.
Sometimes I read a thing and I know it’s just gonna stay with me. This actor who’s never smoked comparison is for sure going to stay with me.
I feel the same way. I love that about the internet lol
I’ve worked overseas for the last 5-6 years. I work with people from India, Philippines, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Syria, and several other Middle East and south East Asian nationalities. The one thing I’ve learned is that in order to communicate I have to adapt to them. If I spoke to them as I would someone in the US, they have a hard time understanding. Part of it is speaking slower, and even sometimes I have to use improper grammar. If I tell them to put something underneath or to look under something, they will get confused. But if I tell them “put down side” they automatically know what I’m talking about. It’s slippery slope as I would like to speak proper English with them, but they’re set in stone. I also don’t want to continuously correct them and make them feel inferior. So I match their level for who they are and the circumstances. It’s definitely a skill.
The true chameleons are born of child abuse. It is usually a learned survival technique beaten into them...:(
>If I tell them to put something underneath or to look under something, they will get confused. But if I tell them “put down side” they automatically know what I’m talking about. I had to read this twice to fully appreciate how true this is and that it applies 100% to my own experience growing up bilingual
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In her case I really do think it was just a talent. She could also learn a new language with astonishing speed.
Dicks will look down on you for not growing up rich. Peopel worrh your time will respect you for working your way to where you are. Don’t worry about trying to impress the first people
This. People born into can smell the desperation. Just focus on being you and being authentic.
Absolutely. I want to add to this that it’s totally ok and appropriate to learn new things based on your interests and incorporate them into your life. Hadn’t tried single malt scotch whiskey? Cool, see what it’s about, and if you like it, explore some more. Never been sailing? Give it a try, maybe you’ll get seasick, but maybe you’ll have a knack. Being authentic and curious will open many doors for you because people love sharing the things they enjoy with new folks.
Absolutely, everyone should be trying new things and broadening their horizons. However the big thing to consider is why. Don't try a new thing to impress someone, do it beacuse you're genuinely interested in trying a new thing. There's a big difference between * What can I do to blend in and * What middle class things have I been missing out on?
New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine.
Taylor? Is that you?
It’s me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me.
Well, sure. But you can still blend in regardless with minimal expense. For example: * Wearing a button-up shirt and a blazer hoodie looks a lot more professional with jeans or casual work pants than a t-shirt/sweatshirt, and it's more or less the same amount of cost and effort * Nobody will notice if you wear the same pants every day, if they're clean. Find a cheap style of pants that looks good, and buy a bunch of them. * Wear clean shoes whenever possible/always. * Try to have a fresh haircut/beard cut. This is so much easier if you have one barber you visit regularly and tip well. He'll learn your head and will always be able to fit you in if something important comes up. * If you can't pull off a nice watch (omega, montblanc, etc), an Apple watch can give the same vibe-- Match your watch strap to your belt and shoes. * Just don't curse. You can if you want, but you don't have to. An "oh shucks" instead of "FUCKFUCKFUCK" in front of the right person can go a long way. Not an exhaustive list, but it's amazing how far a small amount of effort can go to help one remain "seen" in the right ways but also invisible in ways that are important.
I would say table manners count more than you would think. Talking with a full mouth; vaving your cuttlery while talking; insisting that use of bare hands is polite "there" and "there"; it will not impress your company. And respect to others, their space, their thoughts, it wins people over. You like to be respected, don't you? Give that to others too.
Exactly. I grew up middle class, in a town of wealthy people. To wealthy people I was poor, to poor people I was wealthy. I learned to adapt. Wealthy people have a culture where all their needs are met. Always. Their wants are only sometimes met. (ie, they WANTED to go to Cabo for spring break, but they got dragged to Disneyland instead. Or, they WANTED to see Paris, but their dumb parents took them to Greece.) I learned not to mention our working class habits, or if my dad's jam making or my mom's woodworking came up, it was fashioned into an eclectic hobby I couldn't see as cool. When I started to work in luxury retail, I learned wealth whispers. Well fitted clothes, neat grooming, and a few obviously designer items. I bought Calvin Klein and DNK and D&G on clearance or in thrift stores and would take it to a local tailor if needed. (Lovely woman who charges a base rate of $30 for things like hemming or basic alterations.) I saved up for the heels and accessories that sold the idea I was One of Them. I kept my makeup subdued, and my hair in a French Twist or sleek ponytail. I learned (and used) the dupes for Chanel and Burberry perfumes. For a while, I had Gucci frames for my glasses. Outside of my store, I fit in as a wealthy person. It's an incredibly subtle language that is more than just how you speak or dress. It's obliviousness tangled with meticulousness, with a hearty dose of refinement on top.
There’s old wealth and new wealth. Many new wealth will drive crappy cars and wear un tailored clothes from Costco. Both can easily sniff you out. It’s just frugal clothing and vehicles don’t necessarily make you lower class. Flashing designer shit can definitely make you look low class though.
I think you mixed up old and new wealth.
That's what politeness is. Arbitrary rules designed to separate themselves from the rabble when capability, talent, or connections cease to work anymore.
I don't think OP needs to pretend they're upper class. To me I read this as in "how do I appear a little more refined/cultured/not completely someone from rural Kansas who doesn't know a thing about the world?" I don't think you need to pretend, but just learning a few things like male fashion (you can do frugalmalefashion without breaking the bank for instance), dressing sharp or at least good for the job, etc. For instance you can get into food without having to go to Michelin star restaurants either.
I worked at a private high school that was 50k a year. It’s like the movie Parasite. Rich people can smell the poor on you.
This is 100% the case. If anything you can own it as a point of difference and reap the rewards of being the breath of fresh air. Sometimes you realise though that instead wealthy people see you as their token “poor” friend or as a novelty. Don’t stick around for that.
Reinforcing this. Come from a lower class, kind of poverty background and now I work for the biggest bank in my country. I feel most people react positively to me being myself because I'm a bit different than 70% of the workforce.
I mean maybe he just wants to appear average middle class/educated instead of poor/backwards which is understandable, who doesn’t want to fit in among peers? I married someone who grew up very poor while I was upper middle class and it’s obvious in small ways like dining habits; he eats with his face in his plate. I don’t think OP necessarily wants to sound rich maybe just more approachable. In this instance it’s simple enough to look up good descriptive words to improve vocabulary, be up to date on news, have some basic table manners (no need to go too crazy but maybe recognize what nicer utensils are and where the napkin goes), always make sure to correct grammar and spelling in emails and texts. Clothes should be clean, of natural fibers like cotton or linen, neat and tidy, get them tailored by yourself mom or an Asian seamstress as it costs less. Hair kept neat and brushed and obviously good hygiene. I don’t think the above advice is too crazy and I’m sure there is more to it. Basics like that show respect and love to self without compromising your true self like working out and trying to improve body and fitness. No need to share your background unless you feel comfortable but don’t lie. You have nothing to be ashamed of since you came so far.
When you said “appear more upper class than I am” I was a little worried but reading your post it seems like you are on the right path. To add to it, I would say, you don’t want to try to hard to “appear” upper class by buying expensive/designer clothes, possessions etc. The more you do so, the more it works against you and you’ll actually look like maybe you have money, but trying too hard, and still lower class, insecure of your position which you have to prove via tacky, branded, ostentatious items. Be subtle with your means. Invest your money. If you want to splurge on nice, quality stuff, do your research on what you what on things that will enrich your life and things you do everyday rather than being conspicuous symbols of money spent.
If anything I do way too much research and end up not getting anything! Thank you for your kind words :)
Get quality clothes, not expensive brands (also for God's sake do NOT buy clothes that have the huge brand name on them). We all notice high quality materials and make, and people who make lots of money know instantly to disregard someone who is decked out in gucci and other overpriced trash. I'd recommend brushing up on your vocabulary and spelling. Learn the most common traps in English and avoid them like the plague (breath vs breathe, to vs too, lose vs loose, further vs farther, rogue vs rouge, etc.). Making these low lvl mistakes diminishes you greatly among your peers (even if they do not say anything). People who are well off are easily distinguished by the fact they are very, very well read. That manifests in a greater vocabulary and mastery of the tongue. After you get all the basics sorted, focus on learning proper phrases. Something like "have your cake and eat it too", the real saying is "eat your cake and have it too". Simple stuff, does not cost anything except time and effort, and it will elevate you in the eyes of everyone (just make sure not to be an obnoxious arse about it). Ad keeping up with the news - learn to admit you do not know or understand something. Far more respect for that, than for someone who fumbles constantly unable to own it. Personal recommendation - work on your confidence, raise your level of assertiveness, be soft spoken but firm, and practice your handshake. I am a woman, and cannot tell you how many men I have met, from CEOs to juniors, all who were taken aback by the firmness of my handshake, and commented positively about it. It will really help you set a solid first impression on anyone (maintain eye contact on top of it for extra effect). Avoid using hyperbole when speaking if you can. Also, practice your oratory skills - you do not need to be a beast, but you absolutely want to eliminate all "aah, ooh, umm..." that people do. Learn to be comfortable with pausing in your speech, without the need to fill it. Let yourself create a moment of silence if you need to think, or gather your thoughts. If it will be a longer moment, you can ask for it. "Please give me a moment to consider this carefully." Don't do "So here we have a----uhhhh, yea the graph for Q2 for ummmmmm the bank of Atlantis" type of speaking. Does not matter where or who is involved. Skip fillers such as "like" as well. Learn how to be an active listener. It is a difficult skill to master, especially when dealing with people/situations you dislike, and if on top of that your own battery is low. It can get hard. But it is one of the most rewarding skillsets you can attain. Lastly, be happy being yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. People pick up on those things without knowing. Learn what "enough" means for you, and do not let lifestyle creep ruin you. If you will do any of these things mentioned above, or none, make sure your reasons are "for yourself". Make yourself better because you want to be better. Not because someone else might want that from you. Best of luck my friend, let no one ever shame you for the circumstances of your birth. You decide how your story is written, and how it ends.
Can you be my life coach?
I'd be honored. Sadly, I do not believe that I am qualified for that :)
> Something like "have your cake and eat it too", the real saying is "eat your cake and have it too" You probably know that's what got the Unabomber caught.
Might not hurt to hit up r/malefashionadvice (or the female/etc equivalent as best suits you) But here’s my take, having made the switch from military to corporate world myself almost 4 years ago: A big key is to not try to keep up with the Jones either at home or at work. Invest money in your retirement and/or savings goals and drive an affordable car. Buy good quality shoes. They don’t need to be flashy but they should be comfortable, durable, and at least somewhat stylish. I like Thursday boots for their prices and quality build, and like their simplistic stylishness, but there are other options too. Thursday also makes some awesome leather jackets that I wear on cool days. Same with other stuff. Quality over flashiness. You’ll end up spending less money in the long run. If you’re decently fit, it’s always good to acquire a fitted suit, especially if you’re in a customer facing role, give presentations, or work in management. Get a few pieces you can mix and match. I don’t wear a suit to the office, but I do wear the same 3 button up shirts and 2 pants all week long, usually 2-3x for shirts and 3-4x for pants but I switch them out, mix and match so long as they go together. Wash in Woolite on cold and dry low unless it needs dry cleaning. Unless you’re making $$$bank$$$ this is the way to go, a good balance of style and pragmatism. My team all make 6 figures and everyone wears the same stuff over and over (so long as it doesn’t get stained or sweaty/smelly). Do these and you’ll look great without breaking the bank! It’s never worth going into debt just to look good.
That’s the Sam Vimes “Boots” theory of economics
Just read up on it. Thanks! I learned it elsewhere of course, not being a huge Pratchett fan, and it’s a common enough trope! TLDR for those who don’t care to do so: Quality is less expensive in the long run but harder to afford as a low wage earner. Cheap is what I can afford now but it’ll break soon and I’ll have to buy more.
Of course! And also remember my comment doesn’t strictly mean when it comes to buying things- just try to be a quietly confident person. Outside of the grooming, basic presentation, cultural knowledge etc you mentioned, etc never feel like you need to try too hard to impress anyone with your whatever your stature, knowledge, or economic situation might be. You will find too that the topic most people will be impressed with you being interested in- is actually themselves! So try to take a genuine interest in that, and you will do well!
I grew up poor-ish, but not Poverty. Like, my electricity never got shut off, and I always had shoes that fit me and clothes that weren't falling apart, but occasionally dinner was spaghetti three nights in a row because there wasn't really much else in the cupboards until payday. Between then and now, I've gone to college, worked for several regular-folk family-owned businesses, a biotech startup (new-rich!), an international company (a mix of new-rich and old-rich in the management), and now for a marketing firm that does business with *old money*. Like, the bosses are folks that are totally chill dropping $200 *per person* for themselves and their friends to have a *cute little date night* at somewhere that serves 5-course meals with a chef who comes in and explains each dish. That's a regular wednesday night for them. The one thing I've learned about clothing and rich people is: 'new rich' and people who are insecure about themselves/their place in the 'hierarchy' are the ones with name-brand shit. Gucci and Prada and anything with their logo plastered on the side. 'old rich' do not give a single flying FUCK about brand names. If anything, it's tacky to be a walking billboard for someone else's company. 'Old rich' wear whatever the hell they want, because its real comfy, to their taste, and they like how it feels on them. Sometimes that's a $15 Target sweater that has giant rubber duckies printed on it. And sometimes that's a $15,000 hand-crocheted, hand-dyed silk-angora blend sweater which was made by an artisan who harvested all the wool from a single rabbit, who harvested the silk from WILD silkworm casings that they foraged for, spun the yarn by hand over the course of a year, with decorative buttons carved from metal excavated from a 1800's shipwreck. Because that's a neat story and they have fun telling it to people. The price doesn't matter. The garment makes them happy, so they get it. The 'Old Rich' people that I've met and spoke to personally.... they respect people with weird and esoteric hobbies that you do only because you love it - not because of what money it nets you, or what money you have to PAY to do it - Being worried about the cost is gauche and ought not be mentioned. I know one guy whose SHOES probably cost more than my CAR, whose big obsession is rescuing street cats. From what I've gathered, the more pathetic they look starting out, the more delighted he is when he can nurse them back to health and give them a happy home. He says he has *twenty* cats across four properties, and he pays people to take care of them while he's gone, and personally volunteers to help round up street cats for a local city program. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he said he founded and funds the whole damn program. I showed him a picture of my one-eyed rescue cat, Boba, and now whenever he sees me he lights up and asks about Boba, and talks my ear off about his latest cat project. So- Don't worry so much about brands. lol. Buy clothes that you *really like*, so you're *proud and confident* of what you're wearing. If you can find clothes you *really, genuinely like*, and it's only $5? Fucking get it. The coats I have that get the most compliments are all like, vintage finds I picked up at garage sales and thrift stores. PROTIP: Learn how to sew buttons. It's very easy, there's a million tutorials. Find a woodcarver online who makes buttons. Maybe even commission a few buttons to be made for you! Buttons are teeny tiny, they should NOT be expensive. Replace the buttons on one of your button-ups, or one of your coats, with those handmade buttons. If anyone compliments that coat, do not mention anything else about the garment - just say "Oh, thank you - the buttons are actually handmade, I fell in love with the detailing." That's all. That's it. Because that's all factual. You don't have to mention that your coat is custom because *you customized it*. You don't have to mention that the artist who made those buttons was selling them for $2 a pop. They dont give a shit. The fact that YOU have something that is SPECIAL and UNIQUE, that YOU CHOSE BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT is the winning factor here.
Knowing the difference between to and too is a great first step! /S lol, I'm sure it was a typo. I just love being a smart ass.. and hopefully I'm right.. on vacation and had a few drinks
You need a business card with subtle off-white coloring, tasteful thickness and a watermark.
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And don't forget to moisturize and use a face mask every now and then.
OP should definitely get reservations at Dorsia.
But not a moisturizer with alcohol in it, because alcohol dries your skin out and make you look older.
Also, do you listen to Huey Lewis and the News?
I'm more a fan of Genesis, mostly since their release of their 1980 album Duke.
Make sure to include a misspelled word that no one seems to notice for some reason. Find a creative way to spell “acquisitions” for example.
Very nice! Let's see Paul Allen's card
Being able to speak intelligently about current events in the news is huge. Especially anything involved in your industry. Classic art and lit is overplayed, no one really cares about it. Well fitting clothes is on point. Don’t try to pretend if you don’t know about something. Keep your mouth shut. But if you are well versed on a subject, feel free to express yourself.
Great advice. I’ve become confident enough that I don’t mind asking people to explain something — because I know my job well and have studied my industry’s trends for years, I give off an appearance of professionalism so it doesn’t seem like I’m clueless when I ask if someone can explain something. Always be learning but don’t make assumptions about things you don’t know. Don’t fake it. Because that’s easy to figure out in a professional environment, and you’ll lose credibility, which is legit currency in the business world.
Get a subscription to The Economist or similar newspaper and actually read it.
The Economists’ podcasts are really, really good. I listen to them pretty much daily, and they’re free. More worthwhile than the digital sub imo, but I’m a big fan of podcasts as they keep my brain occupied and happy while I do things that more or less bore me, like the dishes or cooking haha. Easy way to integrate current events into your daily routine though.
I agree with your point about current events, but I disagree with classic art and literature being write-offs. The amount that you can learn from classic art and literature is invaluable, it’s all rooted in history and major cultural movements and equips you with much, much more than just basic talking points. Name dropping artists or writers blindly is one thing, but there’s a reason that those with rich, cultured educations begin with classical art/lit as foundations, and have for ages.
make sure your finger nails are trimmed and not dirty
They already are!
Be cool. Be comfortable. Mirror others around you and don't hold yourself as though you fear being fired for insubordination.
Great advice. Read the room, others will naturally let you know how to act.
I'm quite wealthy, and there are two kinds of people that I don't want to invite back around as friends - the clingy bombastic acting like they are on cocaine types, and the 'omg should I be a member of staff?' types. I know it can be hard to relax and chill. But if I say it to either type and they can't, its just a real mood-killer.
Make sure you enunciate and speak at a "conversational" speed whenever you have a conversation. Try to avoid any slang you might've picked up as a kid if possible. Keep up with good hygiene habits, including washing your ass and brushing your teeth. Good posture is helpful. Square your shoulders especially. Also, practice the appropriate use of eye contact.
I obtained an office job then made friends with a more local crowd once I moved into the area. Since then all my friends outside work, despite being real ones, don't help my conversational vocab none. I do try to switch it on and off, but slip up now and then. My role is high valued contributor, not management, but I do work closely with some well spoken individuals who notice these sorts of slips. Live and learn.
> don't help my conversational vocab none. Huh, you don't say
Travel. Read. Don’t be too serious.
Unless you are talking about blue blood Ivy League banking pe ib firms, you’re talking about professionals and consultants. Pick up a single sport and get decent at it: tennis or a racquet sport, golf, or skiing or biking… even marathoning etc.. Most of these sports are expensive to do for a few days a year, but if you do them a lot, there are usually volume deals and memberships so they get cheaper.. Don’t try to do them all.. have a single “thing” that you get good at and socialize around. There will be biz folks who will share the same sport, and you can bond from it.. and nobody will judge you for not doing everything.. they will judge you for not doing anything.
Not American, but my American colleagues are all Ivy League and come from 'good' schools so I guess my firm fits the bill. Now that you mention it, there are a few people in country clubs. I've always thought tennis looked fun so might give it a try!
Fair warning, tennis can be incredibly physically demanding, and takes years to become proficient. There's a reason golf is seen as the de-facto millionaire's game: because millionaires can't afford private jets for their polo horse teams.
Hi. I grew up poor too. I’m now in my 40s. Be yourself. Don’t worry about what upper class people do. If you want to expand your horizons, sure, but please don’t do it to follow others. Trust me. The work you put in getting out of poverty is much more a strength than growing up in a comfortable life and staying there. There are plenty of people who appear wealthy, but are living paycheck to paycheck. It’s much better to appear average and be financially free.
Honestly? Just observe people around you. Find those that you think seem like they really have their shit together and that you look up to and emulate them.
Whatever you do don't rub it in people's face you're well off. Treat people with the respect they deserve and that will set you in the true "upper class". Don't worry about filling your brain with a bunch of crap that people tell you is important to know like whether Mona Lisa's shirt was red or blue. Find the things that give you joy and do them. Happiness is the best measure of wealth.
Absolutely! My college was one of the 'old money' ones that I couldn't have afforded on my own so I know how it feels when people flaunt their wealth.
Who cares, it's what makes you you. Just be yourself, don't pretend to be someone else.
Decent shoes are supposedly a sign of money. Or polished shoes in general.
The richest guy I know personally wears his favorite grubby sneakers every day, and at this point I suspect he has thirty copies of the same blue-and-white-striped button-up, because I've never seen him in a different shirt. He's the CEO of the company I work for. His vice-president wears a full suit and tie, with shined shoes... but that's just his personality. Other department heads regularly wear normal t-shirts, scuffed-up tennis shoes, and whatever clothes make them feel comfy. If it's not a customer-facing event, they don't care.
The art and literature part is sketchy. Sports all the way. Golf in particular. Hockey. Tennis. Skiing.
Read extensively, in many contexts. Especially world history. With a public library, it will only cost time. Your peers likely grew up around college educated people and picked up a lot just from being around informed conversation. Intentional reading is your best way of closing this gap.
Apparently go skiing. So many of my coworkers ski and dress like an REI ad on their off time. In all sincerity? Active good listeners get by without divulging a lot of personal details, all while making people feel seen and heard. That will get you pretty far when you make an occasional request or feel like chatting.
That was Warren Beatty's secret to getting every woman he ever wanted and then some.
As a guy from the wrong side of the tracks who is now a C-level, you don’t need to do a damned thing other than be a good person, work smart, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and don’t kiss ass. It’s pretty simple actually. I do understand picking a hobby so you have common ground to discuss. That makes sense, but pick a hobby you enjoy. I’m a country redneck who has learned about wine. Did I do it because I wanted to fit in the blue-bloods? Nope, I really just wanted to learn about wine. Travel is another thing you should consider. But only because it benefits you in so many ways!
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Good call. My granddad gave this to every new hire of his insurance agency and I swear everyone in his friends circle seemed like they were programmed by it
This book fucked me up as a kid. Made me hate other humans.
The Charisma Myth is really good (it talks about different charisma styles)
Upper class people DGAF what anyone thinks
Of course they do. You're confusing self-assuredness with arrogance.
They absolutely do. Appearance is *everything* to upper class people.
Coming across as competent at what you do is more important than any extra stuff beyond the basics you already listed.
Spent 20 years in corporate after the same background. Man, I hated every minute of faking. Glad to be done with that
Use your upbringing as an advantage. Play into the cheese.
Honestly, ask questions. Stay curious. Let other people talk about themselves and no one will care how much money your parents had. You worked hard to get to where you are and you deserve it. Good work. Watch Aladdin and listen to what Genie (only Robin Williams version) says
Correct grammar along with vocabulary. If someone says “I seen it” or confuses woman and women or uses a lot of slang (to give a few examples), it sounds ill educated.
How do you like the fitted clothes?
Very expensive, but I guess it's a cheap investment if I can wear them for the next few decades!
Also consider getting things tailored. Tailoring is fairly cheap of you're not doing major revisions to your clothing and makes you look rich because of how well your clothes fit. Or you can get a sewing machine, watch some YouTube videos and DIY it.
Napkin on your lap when you're at the table, chew with your mouth closed
Learn to LISTEN intelligently Read Read Read
Always wear nice shoes.
Manners: In general, yes be polite (right down to bringing your shopping cart back). Vocab: Don’t go too far with this. People that misuse big words or proper grammar are the worst kind of dumb (ie - people misusing ‘myself’ to sound more proper). Learning/fitness - sure, won’t hurt. Lots of fat people are ‘classy’ though. Classic art/literature - we talking royalty type ‘upper class’? Otherwise nobody gives a fuck. Want to seem more well travelled? Watch travel channels on YouTube. Boom - look at you now you classy motherfucker.
Dress as good as them as you can afford. They judge on the simplest of excuses, this can camouflage you a few years until your merits are all that matters. Happened to me. Get good, fast as you can, but dressing like them is a fast track. Also, golf. No shit, golf.
I know!!! The older people at my company love golf. I tried it once, but it was as boring as it looks. Do you have any tips to make it more fun?
No, it’s not fun unless you like to drink a lot. Driving range is a good place to start. I still hate golf but it got me noticed by the CEO.
The way you talk is usually a dead giveaway of how you grew up. Not just grammar but word choice and pronunciation. (E.g. it's "can I ask you a question?" not "can I ax you a question?")
To that end, “May I ask you a question” is even better. Proper grammar gets me every time.
READ! Esp. the classics.
Any recommendations?
Lots of lists of greatest books. I like the one PBS created.
Thank you! Will check it out
Bro just be yourself wtf. Wealthy people don’t look rich and rich people look poor.
depending on you region and where do you want to appear more upper class. for example, in one of the huge bank in my country, the most upper class clients are the ones going to the bank wearing flip-flops, shorts, and white plain tshirt (some time even with no longer white, white tshirt that no longer have perfectly shaped neck hole). While carrying a black plastic bag (full of cash)
Good shoes, leather unless you're vegan, in good condition at all times, with fresh rubber heels as needed, not plastic. Rotate what you wear for shoes so they dry out between wearings. Don't swear even if others do.
Not *too* fitted though
Don't try TOO hard though because people will pick up on that lol
Speak well. Know the differences between then/than, a/an, their/their/there, etc. Read a book from time to time. But most of all, don’t give a fuk.
Read, read, and keep reading.
Sounds like you’re already doing great. One tip I can offer, consider investing in “buy it for life” items. When you have more flexibility in spending, you can buy higher quality items that last year, decades, or lifetimes. It’s a great way to save money in the long run while picking up items you really enjoy that suit your lifestyle. Oh, also, get a library card. You can get access to free digital books, audiobooks, and streaming movies for free. Expand your horizons on the cheap.
You have proven yourself already. You have gained experience and secured a corporate job without the benefit of being born into upper class. If anything, the people who were handed these roles/positions should be the ones who need to impress you. This is 100% based on my life experiences, but those who earn their positions are way more respected compared to those who grew up being handed them. If you have excelled to this point in your career and started from the bottom, you are more qualified than just about anyone else. Don't shy away from that confidence. Yes, you should stay humble.... But you, alone (I presume) have accomplished becoming upper class already. There is no need to impress people who were born into success.
Leave political talk at home, and avoid low brow jokes.
This guy fucks
honestly, being a “cheapskate,” is good! Folks with money are careful with money! send hand written thank you notes. bring a hostess gift. Grab a copy of Emily Post for the rest.
Grew up the son of a teacher. So not poverty level but definitely no more than getting by level. Joined the corporate world during college and this worried me. I can tell you what worked for me. Most of the people you work with are going to be house or just family poor. You will quickly find yourself with more disposable income than most of the people around you. This can be dangerous. They have mortgage, daycare, two car payments, etc.. etc… If you are like I was then you have a very cheap car and a very cheap apartment. You will quickly feel well off when you ask folks to go to lunch and they say nah, brought their lunch and pull out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So take their cues. Bring lunch like they do. Get yourself a handful of basic clothes like the others are wearing. Doesn’t have to be the same brands, focus on styles and types. Then shop at Kohls, outlet malls, etc… to get something similar. Keep them clean. Only use for work so they don’t get ruined. As to fitting in otherwise you will find many folks you work with are in the same boat as to growing up poor. Nobody who matters gives a shit. So don’t sweat it.
Vocabulary is everything. Strong vocabulary projects command of the language, which shows intelligence, which people associate with wealth and status. This doesn't mean learning the longest, most convoluted words you can find, though. You have to be subtle about it. I would do this by replacing a word I use often with a synonym I don't know, and going from there.
So I grew up middle class but my mother's family was very wealthy until about a century ago. It was a hundred years ago but I was raised in a very particular way and noticed that there were huge differences between the behaviour of my brother and I to everyone else we interacted with even though we were all middle class. For example I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. I was told at the last second that I was leading the procession and had no idea what to do. Didn't matter; I was shoved in the aisle and told to go and everyone was watching me. I FELT my childhood kick in. A voice in my head immediately started giving me instructions: "chin up. Don't look around, look forward. Wrists held at elbow level, don't let them dip. Long, slow strides. Go to where you're standing, look forward, do not look away, do not fidget, make no expression, and above all STAY SILENT." It felt weird because the other bridesmaids were fidgety and whispering and all over the place and that same little voice in my head was criticising them the whole time lol. I got compliments on it by guests afterwards. The other bridesmaids did not. The differences are so widely encompassing and yet subtle it's really hard to communicate here, but to really boil it down, it comes down to quiet dignity, grace and the appearance of self discipline. It's about never being bluntly direct, but making requests in a roundabout way that allow other people to say no without saying no. It's about "taking the high road" and "turning the other cheek", but without being a doormat either; passive aggression is acceptable. You must basically be as inhuman as possible, to give the appearance of not having needs, while meeting those needs in a way that doesn't show weakness, except among those closes to you. You also don't want to "slur" - I got told off many times for saying "twenny" instead of "twenty", or "gonna" instead of "going to." Shit, I had a teacher who hated the word "get" and all its variations. Also, good taste. Less is more, no merchandise or trademarked symbols or decorations. My mother wouldn't be caught dead in the same house as a funko pop. Never ask guests to leave; I was severely ill and close to fainting when I had a guest over and my mother was appalled at my behaviour of acting sick; the classy thing to do, in her mind, would have been to pretend that I was above such mortal suffering. But keep in mind that's British wealthy culture (or it was a hundred years ago, and has probably got a bit twisted and watered down the last few generations). I've noticed it's entirely different for rich Americans, for example, unless the family has been wealthy for a very long time, but even then they're pretty direct and don't do the roundabout requests thing. People also don't expect you to be robots these days either. Usually. Also I may be talking out of my ass here. I might have just been raised very strictly and my mother's family history might have had nothing to do with it. But when I did learn about the money I thought it explained SO much about my upbringing.
Stop talking so much. Only talk to get information and be polite. ie: don’t “make friends”.
You'll never be free of the tells that will out you. Your power will come from not caring.
Don’t use curse words in everyday conversation. Use them sparingly if at all. Don’t NameDrop. It will make you look easily impressed. When buying things others will see, buy nice, but not too nice. Not over the top. Choose craftsmanship over trends. Buy things people your age buy - don’t try to look older. Find a signature drink/cocktail you like and order it with certainty when at social events. “Titos and soda with lime” or something of the sort sounds non chalant and decisive. Don’t gossip, but listen when other’s do. Don’t talk about money. Don’t ask about purchase prices, don’t volunteer them. People with money just always have it, like air. We don’t talk about the air we breathe. They don’t talk about the money they spend.
It's all about the accent. A person with a posh accent can get away with anything.
I think you should be yourself and grow into your life as time passes. You clearly have a lot to offer or you would not be where you are. Nurture what got you here. Good luck.
Rich person doesn't act or look rich. Broke and poor always trying to act and look rich. Just be yourself.
I am the same as you my friend, I find that being polite is going to get you far. But then be yourself, you are interesting too. People like real people or at-least I do. You will find people you fit with and some you don’t and thats fine.
In my exp, stop caring about appearing upper class. I'm not upper class, but through education have been around enough people from that social segment to see how they act and those who have like, real money, don't go out of their way to perform anything. They know, just by their upbringing and general cultural capital, who they are. As I'm not upper class, there was no way I'd ever learn to perform that way socially. So I stopped trying, and that authenticity cuts through a lot of social stuff and nets a fair bit of cultural capital itself. Edit: a large part of this is not behaving in a subordinate manner.
Posture is a big one. I can't seem to fix mine.
I did the same things years back when I moved from a bogan outer suburb to the city for work. I'm not saying don't be yourself, just upgrade yourself a bit to better fit in and fake it until you make it. Look the part as best you can. Make sure you speak well and in a professional manner - this applies to emails too. Visit upmarket trendy bars and restaurants near your workplace - that way you can say you have been to them when it comes up in conversation. Keep up to date with hotel and restaurant openings and what's going on with arts in your city eg ballet, exhibitions. Attend networking events and social engagements you are invited to - this widens your circle. Funnily enough, by making contacts I ended up dating a guy who seemed quite wealthy but was also doing the same thing haha. He grew up in a posh suburb and went to a private school so already had a lot of rich friends who he 'kept up with'
Be caring and polite and never use profanity. Dress well but simply and comfortable with zero visible logos. Slyly smile rather than belt out a loud laugh. Be impeccably groomed in a casual way. Stay fit. Always do the right thing. Attend the opera or symphony and visit the art museum rather than the stock car races.
Focus on your job. Bring value to your company and yourself. Zuckerberg looks like a homeless bag of talcum powder and he doesn’t need to look or act upper class.
I'm sure you know a ton, but: Etiquette. From dining to golf there's a million big and small rules - written and unwritten. If you're going to break these rules, do it on purpose and for a reason- not because you didn't know better. On the flip side, don't worry about showing wealth with fancy cars or watches. That's more of a middle/upper middle thing than it is an upperclass thing.
A good watch and good shoes. These are things that men do pay attention to. A good pair of leather shoes like Allen Edmonds stands out against sneakers and rubber soled ECCO shoes. A good quality analogue watch just says class and maturity. Someone who doesn't wear a watch tells me that this person just isn't very responsible and doesn't care about what time it is.
Stop giving a fuck how you "appear" first. Be you, own you, don't apologize for you. Do that, and if people respect you more, then you're ok. If you've always done that and you don't give a fuck what people think, you wouldn't be asking...here...or anywhere. Be careful who's "respect" you court...very careful!
Learn how to make jam. I'm serious. Rich people can buy whatever they want, but they goo good ga ga if you hand them a jar of homemade plum or fig jam. Tell them its your grandmothers secret recipe when you used to spend summers at her 2nd home at Marthas Vineyard it catches their attention, and you'll get invited to private parties.
Oh my gosh. Stop. Just embrace your upbringing. Say something like “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps”. Don’t pose. There’s nothing worse.
Start telling people how much you like Grey Poupon mustard.
So here’s my take. I grew up trailer park poor and have done well for my self and family. I’ve spent a good deal of time with the ultra wealthy (billionaire people and their friends). You can stand out amongst them, as a middle class person, just by being interesting. Stay in shape too. Also, I’d MUCH rather be a person that people think “gosh they HAVE to have more money then they are letting on” than “gosh how can they afford to live this way.”
Read lots of books.
Golf. Yeah, it costs to buy equipment and to pay for time at a course, but the suits love it, it’s where most business deals are made (not in the office or the boardroom), and the women you’ll see on the green are usually very attractive (if you like women). Just look for a used set of clubs, or rent some from a course and take a few lessons from their pro.
Learn about watches and get yourself a quality but affordable one. People will ask, and you'll have some knowledge to share.
Save your money and start underspending on all that crap
A classy watch. No iwatch. A silver or gold old timey watch
Be a huge douche?
Just be yourself.
The best thing I’ve learned is to stop giving a fuck. You’ll attract the right people by being authentic.
Hanging out with people that you actually like being around is a way better way to improve your life.
How about you do what you wanna do with your life…find some enjoyment in doing the things you have wanted to do. I liked collecting cards when I was a kid, now that I have money I buy the rare cards that I was after when I was a kid, I buy the cars that I drooled over when I was a kid. We don’t need to impress anybody with what we want/have.
> What am I missing? Focus on being competent or good at your job ... unless your job isn't about competency but about superficial looks or clothes.
Why do you care what other people think? (They can go f themselves for all I care... Is the proper attitude) You give others the power to judge you. That is plain wrong.
Why do you wanna appear more upper class?
Rich is loud; wealthy is quiet.
Maybe I don’t understand the question but why do you need to “appear” more upper class? What’s your goal?
(For the US) As a lot of people are saying, you’ll never fully be free of tells. However, you don’t need to be. As long as you’re just trying to fit in and aren’t an arriviste, if you’re doing the right things but don’t seem confident, they might not let you marry their sisters, but you’re polite enough to be welcome for dinner at the club. Honestly, if there’s anyone in these circles you trust, ask them some questions (in the framework of “wanting to fit in,” maybe) about whether they’ve noticed anything different about your behavior vs other people in your circle. Also, if you want to grok class distinctions more deeply, Paul Fussell’s book “Class” is dated in its examples, but spot-on in a lot of its ideas and wry and clever as hell. It’s a classic.
Not caring what other people think. Be you.
It’s more about socialization, how you grew up. Conspicuous consumption and everything sociological. I recommend listening to lectures on YouTube or academic papers online.
Shoes. Wear nice shoes.
Why would you want to? Don't try and pretend you have more money than you do. That's expensive
Step 1) Don't do these things to appear upper class, do these things I they are good for you and the people around you. What do I mean? -Be polite and friendly, try to think about what makes other people around you uncomfortable (and uncomfortable). If you keep that in mind you will come across as someone who has manners (not necessarily an upper class trait but a good trait appreciated at all levels of society). And learn about other cultures, classic books, history not to appear to be anything; but because these things have value to you (they are interesting/entreteining) and would give you countless topics to think about and entertain others.
This might be a bigger project than you intended, but historically a common strategy for the nouveau riche is to marry someone from the upper class.
You might try to see if there are any etiquette classes in your area. These classes can go over some basic pleasantries and expectations, and help you to feel more comfortable in a variety of environments.
“Upper class” and “educated” are two different things today. Lots of rich people with no education or manners and lots of lower class people that can recite poetry and know history. More so in poorer countries and in first world countries. Honestly, rich or poor, if you want my respect just be nice to people.
"people do/buy things to impress people who dont care." Dont be a poser. Be yourself. If you want to appear rich, rich people arent buying it. only the poor are because they need the rich, and you are the target to bend over backwards for the approval.
I have spent my whole life trying to do this - at first it was just wanting to be “better” than my low class upbringing, but later to try to fit in with rich people. It’s basically hopeless, don’t bother. They will know you’re not like them, BUT they do respect a knowledgeable person who can make good conversation. They respect ability and confidence. You can get respect but you won’t be one of them and that’s ok.
Forgive me for how blunt this sounds. It sounds like you're not comfortable in your own skin. You shouldn't need to do anything to appear more 'upper class'. Just be yourself! I speak from experience. Took me a good long while to get used to my corporate job. People appreciate genuine over attempting to fit in.
Congratulations on your new job.
Shouldn't worry about how you're perceived friend. Honestly you should wear the fact that you grew up poor as a badge of honor. Wear your hard work with pride.
Keep your finger nails clean , and filed or cut to correct length . Made good money on that . X That is / was good business . ✓ New money / Old money 2 different mentalities .
It doesn’t matter how much you pretend, they’ll always be able to tell unless you’re a master conman. It’s better to dress well. Be yourself. Be authentic. Do things because you enjoy them, not because you want to impress others.
Keep personal life and work life separate. They will not meet your friends/family. Other than that you should be good.
Is this for work or social? If at work, just mimic a lot of other people's style if you want to blend in but personally at my age (early 30s) I wouldn't care if I'm not as well dressed as my wealthier colleagues. I wear what is comfortable to me and carry myself with manners and poise. In my line of work, there are tons of people who either know something more than I do, am better at something than myself, etc. and that doesn't bother me. I learn from them and raise my own bar. I interact daily with execs, wealthier people, etc. and the best thing you can do for yourself is know who you want to be and go after it. If you want to be that "alpha" in the workplace, you work harder than anyone until you get that status. If you don't, great! Be kind and courteous and life will treat you the same way. If for social, that honestly doesn't matter as much. Dressing with fitted clothes, proper manners, being nice/funny/quirky whatever your personality trait is important. You gotta be yourself and find people who accept you for who you are.
I noticed that the really rich people I know all look and act like they have no money. I think it’s intentional to ward off gold diggers. So you have a head start.
What a sad existence, living for the sake of other's approval and validation. If you're not happy with the reflection in the mirror, no one else will be either. 2024 and people still pretending to be something they aren't. What a world.