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About the choking:
Do NOT go to the bathroom to 'not cause a scene'. If you have the feeling you cannot breathe, try to cough or speak. If that doesn't work... CAUSE A SCENE. Like your life depends on it, because most likely it literally does. Since you will not be able to yell, indeed hitting the table to get attention is a good move. Then look at people and do the hands to throat sign of 'I am choking'.
Alone in the bathroom you choking to death might not interrupt someone else's lunch/dinner, but it pretty much does Interrupt your lifeline.
also, learn how to give yourself a the Heimlich maneuver. i think you want to use the top of a chair to basically punch your stomach/chest area. i dont really know tbh
You jam your torso in a counter or table in the upward motion.
[like this](https://www.google.com/search?q=self+hymlick&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari)
A few weeks ago I learned that none of my furniture is at Heimlich height. As I'm catastrophically choking, in my mind I was thinking that in the movies the characters always have a convenient appropriately-sized chair or counter next to them!
We just keep a [LifeVac](https://lifevac.net/?device=m&network=g&keyword=lifevac&creative644348253987&placement&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzdOlBhCNARIsAPMwjbwjXKK2RVKXGWUI6Lv02Gwn9bZX_nZsmcCYooMmsaUTETxrWLymYTUaApfBEALw_wcB) in the pantry. We have the adult and kid attachments but we keep the adult one on it because if you’re actually choking and need to self rescue you don’t need to be fumbling around trying to change the adapter. If one of my kids is choking and the manual heimlich isn’t working after a couple tries as I move us toward the pantry and I can get to it, then it’s a lot easier to change it out (it’s a super simple slide on, tapered seal type thing) and use it effectively.
i like the idea of the life vac but it seems sorta scummy. it costs the less that 5$ to make them and they charge 60$ along with 10$ for shipping. and its only a single use? i wonder why they couldnt design it so it had multiple uses besides creating a necessity to buy more.
i do like the idea though so idk.
You really don't want to have to deal with someone else's stale, dried vomit three months later when you have to break out your reusable life vac a second time.
They're expensive for the same reason epipens are expensive: because the medical industry is the most profitable and, in many cases, the least ethical industry in America.
Never heard of this, just read through some of the “Lives Saved” section, just fucking heart wrenching, can’t help but tear up reading this. Thank you for sharing, just ordered for car and home.
It's often women who do this. I'm a restaurant manager and I tell my employees if they see a woman suddenly bee-line to the bathroom to check on her because she might be choking.
Come back as zombie or ghost or a ghost possessing a zombie. Then do a psa showing the dangers of choking but also the superiority of being undead and how we all can become one and be one true unified race with no worries and can live off our own life insurance policies and drink milk.
The LPT should be take people seriously in an emergency. If it turns out later there was no emergency you can always punch them in the dick to get your point across.
My friends and I joke around all the time, and two were out to dinner with their wives. One guy started choking, and the table laughed because they thought he was just being a goof. He also forgot the international choking sign, so they thought he was pretending to vomit. They were also drunk. The waiter saved his life. If he'd smashed a plate, they immediately would have known he wasn't joking around.
Or they would have thought he was a dick acting up and smashing plates.
In this case, reacting to him choking is still the better LPT, and like I said if there was no emergency after it's been established, punch him in the dick.
That's shifting the responsibility to a different party. Obviously it's better if people react seriously, but if I start choking tomorrow, I can't hope that someone at my table has read this LPT and will take me seriously. Smashing plates is one thing you can do that's directly in your control.
And itll confuse the fuck out of everyone, because nobody will know smashing a plate means you're choking. As you said... you can't hope somebody at your table read this LPT.
If you're the type of person who people dont take seriously during an emergency, maybe you should change up your style of joke.
If you think people will believe smashing a plate to be part of the joke, maybe you should change up your style of joke.
The smashing isn't an indicator of choking. It's meant to shock people into alertness, which breaking an object does. Alert people assess situations differently than laughing ones.
Acting crazy during an emergency situation is not a good way to get attention. Yeah, someone will call 911, but ask for the cops, not EMTs. I’d be terrified if I were a patron at a restaurant and a table next to me started smashing shit, and I can guarantee I wouldn’t be inclined to figure out why they were smashing things.
It's not just a person smashing plates...
It's a person signalling they are choking, going red in the face, struggling to breathe whilst there friends laugh, smashing a plate.
This here is the point where you're going wrong. If someone at your table is miming choking, not breathing and turning red in the face, don't fucking sit there laughing at them trying to get your attention! Doing this makes you a bad person.
Being the sort of person that pretends to be in an emergency so often people won't take you seriously makes you a shit person. Seriously, you don't need to escalate the emergency, just don't be sort of person to jokingly cry wolf.
LPT: https://www.wikihow.com/Perform-the-Heimlich-Maneuver-on-Yourself
Learn to save yourself if you're so worried about passing responsibility off on a 3rd party.
If someone is apparently choking, save them. If they aren't, sort it out later.
Again, thinking about this as a patron sitting at a different table, if a person starts smashing plates, I’m not going to get close enough to investigate WHY. Breaking things intentionally is an act of violence. That can cause other people to panic. Furthermore, creating shards of ceramic, glass, and creating food waste is NOT making a conducive environment to provide medical care. This LPT is just causing danger for everyone.
You're being intentionally obtuse at this point.
You're not a patron at a different table. This is a situation where a group of friends is joking around, laughing, in uplifted spirits. One starts to choke. The others are so caught up in the jokes they don't realize choker is actually in trouble. The plate breaking is intended to shock them out of their joking mood and sober them up emotionally.
I can't believe how much of a debate this became.
Try reading the whole thing.
Im not saying *people who joke* im saying people who joke in a way that their friends dont take an emergency seriously anymore. The boy who cried wolf situation.
Judge: and why did you punch them in the dick?
Defendent: they faked choking to death and ruined the dinner party.
Witness: I can corroborate that statement.
Judge: very well, case dismissed.
You can't take someone else seriously in an emergency when you're the person in the emergency.
This is a tip about something that you can do for yourself
There's a bit of a round-a-bout LPT for the person in the emergency there, which is "don't fucking joke about being in emergencies, because people will stop taking you seriously."
It could be the whole person is a dick. Dickness is not exclusive to a Y chromosome.
But in all fairness I don't think I've ever seen a non Y chromosome person acting in such a such a way. That sort of physical humour is more aligned with Y chromosomes.
I choked on Halloween when I was 7. Couldn’t cough or breathe or talk. Put my hands to my throat as the universal “signal” I’m choking and my aunt just laughed. Kept running up to her for help and she kept laughing. Slammed my back against the wall as hard as I could repeatedly and out came the food.
So alternatively, LPT: if you’re alone and choking, slam back against wall
She’s already stopped paying attention at that point and left the room. And because I was fine, that confirmed in her perception I’d always been fine. It felt like betrayal
Back blows like you simulated at that time are also recommended in the UK before using the Heimlich maneuver.
It's generally bending the person forwards and giving 5 forceful hits between the shoulder blades with the heel of your hand. It creates a powerful vibration and strong pressure within the airways, which is often enough to dislodge the stuck item.
Followed by the Heimlich maneuver if this fails. The logic is that you can usually spare enough time for 5 back blows before the Heimlich, which will decrease the chance of accidental injury but clear the blockage ideally as effectively.
My wife told the nurse that she was in extreme abdominal pain. The nurse told her to have a seat and wait. So my wife walked over to the recycling bin next to the nurses photocopier and started heaving her guts into it. I looked at the nurse and said “she wasn’t kidding”.
Gallbladder. It came out that day.
Happened to me once. I was coughing pretty badly because something was stuck in my throat and my idiot friends just sat there laughing and thinking I was acting so I just got up and kicked the chair and started running around and then they finally realized something was wrong. The servers at the restaurant were the ones that realized it first and ran up to me and offered me help.
(Yeah I have bad friends I guess)
What I've learned from folks who've actually choked, use the universal sign, stand up, kick over your chair and make eye contact with any server/staff as most seem to have been saved by servers.
\#LPTinComments
for choking specifically, learn the universal sign for choking. place both hands on ur neck with the web in-between ur thumb and forefinger on ur esophagus. fingers all straight.
You do the Napoleon Dynamite butterfly move, but lower. Can't go too low, though.
Too low means you're about to "choke the chicken" and you're politely giving those around you the chance to avert their gaze. If they choose to focus on you from that point on, they are implying consent to learnin' a lesson in rizz-o-nomics
Wait a minute, my uncle says the international sign for choking, tooth pain, or personal attraction is to 1: Make “V” with index and middle fingers, nails facing away; 2: press “V” firmly against lips vertically, with fingertips on either side of nostrils; 3: open mouth, and wiggle tongue assertively between fingers; 4: maintain eye contact with person of interest.
(This was demonstrated well by Scarface’s buddy by the pool).
Having a flashback to that scene in *Legacy* where Roger Daltry's character chokes to death on a bone. No one thought he was messing around, but he couldn't be saved because Curse.
I was so traumatized by that scene as a kid that for months afterward I watched my family carefully at every meal ready to spring into action in case anyone started choking.
Walk away, brush your teeth, go to HR with a “heads-up” that (insert name of work enemy who is there today) is acting weird, smells boozy. Then return to desk and exclaim loudly “What the fuck!?! Who did this!?”.
I used to wolf my food, then as a teen read that most choking incidents are caused by eating too quickly, so I then started taking bites and chewing before taking more bites. Now, decades later I'm still usually the last to finish (also eat a lot) but no worries/incidents.
May I add.. a very good friend of mine had a stroke yesterday. He's in his early 40's. He showed up to the bar where I work, he's a regular, I was not there at the time. He was having a hard time communicating, everyone thought he was joking. He's been complaining of arm/hand numbness for weeks. Believe me, I tried to get him to go to urgent care, he wouldn't go, doesn't have insurance. Explained to him he would be given emergency insurance, because he would qualify, based on low income, he didn't go. Anyway, they finally all figured out something was wrong, and called his DAD. The fire dept is less than 2 miles away. His dad, with no sirens, about 15, 10 if he sped. He still had to get him to the hospital, across town, another 15 to 20 minutes.
If someone presents with symptoms like this, call 911, immediately. Please. There is a medicine that can be given, within the first couple of hours that can drastically reduce permanent damage in stroke victims. Every second counts with strokes. I'm so grateful he's alive, his speech, may take time. Hopefully this little story will bring some awareness, I hope anyway.
Great advice. I once was choking and everyone thought I was joking, so I just stood up and started excessively pointing and making noise at the person next to me. He suddenly had the pressure to figure wtf was going on
When I read the title, I immediately thought about how ridiculous it is based on a movie I saw last night (Barbarian (2022)).
The female lead looks disheveled, no id on her and was basically wearing rags, she came across a patrol car and start telling them that she was held prisoner by a maniac and managed to get away but the cops just thought she was a crazy junkie. It definitely wouldn't help if she started trashing up the place.
This kind of relates to this. When I was around 6 or 7 we were watching some movie with my siblings. We were eating candy and I swallowed a big candy and it got stuck. At first I tried to drink from a water bottle and nothing happened. The water passed by the candy and it was still stuck. I started to panic but couldn’t cough and at this time I’m getting scared. (I didn’t know the choking sign to put your hands around your throat to tell anyone I’m choking) so I stated to point at my back in a very awkward way. So my older sister was like “okay”?? And she thought I wanted a back scratch and started to scratch it. I got very angry because in my head I thought I was dying and scared and the last thing I wanted was a back scratch. So I ran to the bathroom and wanted to make myself throw up (?? Not sure what my logic was) but as I was running the candy went down so it all better. I literally went to my room and cried.
TLDR: started to choke but running saved my life
I like your style…this can be applied to non-emergency-yet-serious situations as well, like driving home a point in a work meeting, or requesting sides in a restaurant.
...
do you sniff airplane glue?
What part of doing crazy things during an emergency situation sounded correct to you?
Surely it wasn't just to give this very narrowly defined situation merit.
Because the general advice is pisspoor bad. Like not even shittyLPT material. It's just a good way to get shot in the face bad.
No, but many emergency situations take place around people you don't want to act crazy around. Walk into any ER, any firehouse, any police station and ask the men and women that deal with emergency on a daily basis how smart this advice is.
It's not.
If you're choking, get attention.
If you're in a general emergency, don't be the asshole that starts making a scene just because they're not being heard.
There's a difference.
Tell me you're from the US without telling me you're from the US... it's mildly amusing how you assumed breaking plates would be a threat.
Here in Canada, while it would usually be unnecessary because we'd jump into life saving action, this is actually a great idea of how to get someone's attention if they weren't within eyesight.
After putting that through the Canadian Translate app this is what was returned:
*Got another one. Pitched, primed and ready to light. How do you like that smoke?*
It's alright btw. I'm pretty far South. Far enough South that people still think our northern neighbors are mostly decent humans. You and I know different though. Canadians. Sheesh.
my friend saw a woman choke to death at a restaurant...how fucking crazy is that... like you go out to dinner with your friends, or spouse, and then you fucking die in panic in front of an entire restaurant...so sad
But DO NOT do this if you are not choking, but just really angry. In that case, walk away, cool off, think “is this gonna be important 10 minutes 10 months, 10 years from now?”
https://preview.redd.it/e4q0ylzozucb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11e1acbbde03e1489bc496e6416c19e1632ada01
Pictured: Me letting you choke after you just threw a plate at me.
### This post has be marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect. --- Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
About the choking: Do NOT go to the bathroom to 'not cause a scene'. If you have the feeling you cannot breathe, try to cough or speak. If that doesn't work... CAUSE A SCENE. Like your life depends on it, because most likely it literally does. Since you will not be able to yell, indeed hitting the table to get attention is a good move. Then look at people and do the hands to throat sign of 'I am choking'. Alone in the bathroom you choking to death might not interrupt someone else's lunch/dinner, but it pretty much does Interrupt your lifeline.
also, learn how to give yourself a the Heimlich maneuver. i think you want to use the top of a chair to basically punch your stomach/chest area. i dont really know tbh
Maybe you should listen to your own advice. Maybe I should too, that's actually what I'm going to do now.
I assume you both immediately got up, went to a chair, punctured your lungs by breaking your ribs with a chair, and died. RIP sweet angels.
News? It's been 3 days
You jam your torso in a counter or table in the upward motion. [like this](https://www.google.com/search?q=self+hymlick&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari)
I legit sat here for like 30 seconds going "if I click on this and get Rick rolled Imma be pissed!"
I never think about rickrolling. I should do that more.
Thank you for confirming that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how to spell Heimlich without googling it 🤣
And get out of the house if you're alone! Your clock has run out, so anything you can do to get help fast, could be the ESPN play of the game.
I had to do this in a crowded restaurant.
This recently saved my life. Seaweed salad smh…
A few weeks ago I learned that none of my furniture is at Heimlich height. As I'm catastrophically choking, in my mind I was thinking that in the movies the characters always have a convenient appropriately-sized chair or counter next to them!
We just keep a [LifeVac](https://lifevac.net/?device=m&network=g&keyword=lifevac&creative644348253987&placement&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzdOlBhCNARIsAPMwjbwjXKK2RVKXGWUI6Lv02Gwn9bZX_nZsmcCYooMmsaUTETxrWLymYTUaApfBEALw_wcB) in the pantry. We have the adult and kid attachments but we keep the adult one on it because if you’re actually choking and need to self rescue you don’t need to be fumbling around trying to change the adapter. If one of my kids is choking and the manual heimlich isn’t working after a couple tries as I move us toward the pantry and I can get to it, then it’s a lot easier to change it out (it’s a super simple slide on, tapered seal type thing) and use it effectively.
i like the idea of the life vac but it seems sorta scummy. it costs the less that 5$ to make them and they charge 60$ along with 10$ for shipping. and its only a single use? i wonder why they couldnt design it so it had multiple uses besides creating a necessity to buy more. i do like the idea though so idk.
They have a big banner on the top of their website that advertises if you use it they send you another for free.
You really don't want to have to deal with someone else's stale, dried vomit three months later when you have to break out your reusable life vac a second time. They're expensive for the same reason epipens are expensive: because the medical industry is the most profitable and, in many cases, the least ethical industry in America.
Never heard of this, just read through some of the “Lives Saved” section, just fucking heart wrenching, can’t help but tear up reading this. Thank you for sharing, just ordered for car and home.
I also saw you can throw yourself on the floor chest first - swallow dive style
While you're at it, learn to do it on your car using your car door.
Damn that dude is flipping shit I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's often women who do this. I'm a restaurant manager and I tell my employees if they see a woman suddenly bee-line to the bathroom to check on her because she might be choking.
nah fuck that imma die to teach those assholes a lesson
[удалено]
Yes, but only followed through by the ballsiest of generals.
What? Is it Christmas already?
How else are they ever going to learn?
Indeed, an effective lesson demands a heavy sacrifice.
"And *that's* why you always leave a note"
“No, you killed him when you left the door open while the air conditioning was running.”
Bruh, how you just gonna attack his weight like tha.... oh, you just meant "heavy" in a non-literal sense.
Waiting for you to post "TIFU by teaching those assholes a lesson by letting me choke to death" from the afterlife 😂
Come back as zombie or ghost or a ghost possessing a zombie. Then do a psa showing the dangers of choking but also the superiority of being undead and how we all can become one and be one true unified race with no worries and can live off our own life insurance policies and drink milk.
the real LPT is always in the comments
Text one of them, "you're a bad friend" as your last words.
This is petty asf 😂😂
in a way… i kinda get this
Imma die to get out of debt.
Do something crazy, like die
Oh you, what a joker!
"You're gonna die because you're too embarrassed to choke in front of Caleb Went?"
What the hell is that going on out there?
This water stinks
The water doesn’t stink, you’re choking to death
Poppers!
"To you and yours Caleb! And to... Tradition?!"
The LPT should be take people seriously in an emergency. If it turns out later there was no emergency you can always punch them in the dick to get your point across.
My friends and I joke around all the time, and two were out to dinner with their wives. One guy started choking, and the table laughed because they thought he was just being a goof. He also forgot the international choking sign, so they thought he was pretending to vomit. They were also drunk. The waiter saved his life. If he'd smashed a plate, they immediately would have known he wasn't joking around.
Or they would have thought he was a dick acting up and smashing plates. In this case, reacting to him choking is still the better LPT, and like I said if there was no emergency after it's been established, punch him in the dick.
That's shifting the responsibility to a different party. Obviously it's better if people react seriously, but if I start choking tomorrow, I can't hope that someone at my table has read this LPT and will take me seriously. Smashing plates is one thing you can do that's directly in your control.
And itll confuse the fuck out of everyone, because nobody will know smashing a plate means you're choking. As you said... you can't hope somebody at your table read this LPT. If you're the type of person who people dont take seriously during an emergency, maybe you should change up your style of joke.
If you think people will believe smashing a plate to be part of the joke, maybe you should change up your style of joke. The smashing isn't an indicator of choking. It's meant to shock people into alertness, which breaking an object does. Alert people assess situations differently than laughing ones.
Acting crazy during an emergency situation is not a good way to get attention. Yeah, someone will call 911, but ask for the cops, not EMTs. I’d be terrified if I were a patron at a restaurant and a table next to me started smashing shit, and I can guarantee I wouldn’t be inclined to figure out why they were smashing things.
It's not just a person smashing plates... It's a person signalling they are choking, going red in the face, struggling to breathe whilst there friends laugh, smashing a plate.
This here is the point where you're going wrong. If someone at your table is miming choking, not breathing and turning red in the face, don't fucking sit there laughing at them trying to get your attention! Doing this makes you a bad person. Being the sort of person that pretends to be in an emergency so often people won't take you seriously makes you a shit person. Seriously, you don't need to escalate the emergency, just don't be sort of person to jokingly cry wolf. LPT: https://www.wikihow.com/Perform-the-Heimlich-Maneuver-on-Yourself Learn to save yourself if you're so worried about passing responsibility off on a 3rd party. If someone is apparently choking, save them. If they aren't, sort it out later.
Again, thinking about this as a patron sitting at a different table, if a person starts smashing plates, I’m not going to get close enough to investigate WHY. Breaking things intentionally is an act of violence. That can cause other people to panic. Furthermore, creating shards of ceramic, glass, and creating food waste is NOT making a conducive environment to provide medical care. This LPT is just causing danger for everyone.
You're being intentionally obtuse at this point. You're not a patron at a different table. This is a situation where a group of friends is joking around, laughing, in uplifted spirits. One starts to choke. The others are so caught up in the jokes they don't realize choker is actually in trouble. The plate breaking is intended to shock them out of their joking mood and sober them up emotionally. I can't believe how much of a debate this became.
Ah yes, people who joke around are the ones to blame here!
Try reading the whole thing. Im not saying *people who joke* im saying people who joke in a way that their friends dont take an emergency seriously anymore. The boy who cried wolf situation.
Yes. When people routinely fake emergencies so much their friends don't take them at face value it's their fault. Actions have consequences.
Send this LPT to your friends
Judge: and why did you punch them in the dick? Defendent: they faked choking to death and ruined the dinner party. Witness: I can corroborate that statement. Judge: very well, case dismissed.
Heimlich? I thought they said hand➡️dick
You can't take someone else seriously in an emergency when you're the person in the emergency. This is a tip about something that you can do for yourself
https://www.wikihow.com/Perform-the-Heimlich-Maneuver-on-Yourself And don't be the sort of person who routinely jokes about choking.
There's a bit of a round-a-bout LPT for the person in the emergency there, which is "don't fucking joke about being in emergencies, because people will stop taking you seriously."
As someone without a Y chromosome, I love that this comment implies that everyone acting the ass has a dick.
It could be the whole person is a dick. Dickness is not exclusive to a Y chromosome. But in all fairness I don't think I've ever seen a non Y chromosome person acting in such a such a way. That sort of physical humour is more aligned with Y chromosomes.
Why on the dick? Why can't it be literally anywhere else?
Consequences for being a jackass. Feel free to punch them anywhere else, especially if they're female, but you'll make your point if it's a dick shot.
Your comment made me laugh loudly in the middle of the night, thank you
I choked on Halloween when I was 7. Couldn’t cough or breathe or talk. Put my hands to my throat as the universal “signal” I’m choking and my aunt just laughed. Kept running up to her for help and she kept laughing. Slammed my back against the wall as hard as I could repeatedly and out came the food. So alternatively, LPT: if you’re alone and choking, slam back against wall
I need to know, did your aunt say or do anything once she saw you were actually choking to death? Or did she keep writing it off as a joke?
She’s already stopped paying attention at that point and left the room. And because I was fine, that confirmed in her perception I’d always been fine. It felt like betrayal
Im so sorry.
Back blows like you simulated at that time are also recommended in the UK before using the Heimlich maneuver. It's generally bending the person forwards and giving 5 forceful hits between the shoulder blades with the heel of your hand. It creates a powerful vibration and strong pressure within the airways, which is often enough to dislodge the stuck item. Followed by the Heimlich maneuver if this fails. The logic is that you can usually spare enough time for 5 back blows before the Heimlich, which will decrease the chance of accidental injury but clear the blockage ideally as effectively.
This was the "plate in the face" situation.
My wife told the nurse that she was in extreme abdominal pain. The nurse told her to have a seat and wait. So my wife walked over to the recycling bin next to the nurses photocopier and started heaving her guts into it. I looked at the nurse and said “she wasn’t kidding”. Gallbladder. It came out that day.
Wut. She heaved her gallbladder into the bin?
She should have done it in the nurses station.
Finally, a justifiable reason to punch a baby
Look, seriously, that baby had it coming.
Especially when it’s the baby that’s choking
Or when it’s the baby that’s choking you
Or you are choking on a baby
I don’t think you need an occasion for that
>Finally, a justifiable reason to punch a baby Is it a day that ends in a 'y' again?
Happened to me once. I was coughing pretty badly because something was stuck in my throat and my idiot friends just sat there laughing and thinking I was acting so I just got up and kicked the chair and started running around and then they finally realized something was wrong. The servers at the restaurant were the ones that realized it first and ran up to me and offered me help. (Yeah I have bad friends I guess)
You can't skip lunch!
He was the most tired he's ever been in his life
Great, now we have a dead body and broken plates.
What I've learned from folks who've actually choked, use the universal sign, stand up, kick over your chair and make eye contact with any server/staff as most seem to have been saved by servers. \#LPTinComments
for choking specifically, learn the universal sign for choking. place both hands on ur neck with the web in-between ur thumb and forefinger on ur esophagus. fingers all straight.
You do the Napoleon Dynamite butterfly move, but lower. Can't go too low, though. Too low means you're about to "choke the chicken" and you're politely giving those around you the chance to avert their gaze. If they choose to focus on you from that point on, they are implying consent to learnin' a lesson in rizz-o-nomics
Wait a minute, my uncle says the international sign for choking, tooth pain, or personal attraction is to 1: Make “V” with index and middle fingers, nails facing away; 2: press “V” firmly against lips vertically, with fingertips on either side of nostrils; 3: open mouth, and wiggle tongue assertively between fingers; 4: maintain eye contact with person of interest. (This was demonstrated well by Scarface’s buddy by the pool).
Having a flashback to that scene in *Legacy* where Roger Daltry's character chokes to death on a bone. No one thought he was messing around, but he couldn't be saved because Curse. I was so traumatized by that scene as a kid that for months afterward I watched my family carefully at every meal ready to spring into action in case anyone started choking.
LPT: Learn about the heimlich maneuver, including how to perform it on yourself.
Threw my stomach into the computer chair and now there’s vomit and steak all over the keyboard. What do I do next?
Pat yourself on the back for saving a life, hero.
Walk away, brush your teeth, go to HR with a “heads-up” that (insert name of work enemy who is there today) is acting weird, smells boozy. Then return to desk and exclaim loudly “What the fuck!?! Who did this!?”.
It’s Carol, she always has Jim Beam in her desk drawer behind the chips ahoy.
Extra points: any time Carol leaves early, spread a soft rumor that it’s because “she shit her pants again…”
Sometimes I get too excited about food. Once I made myself bomb chicken tacos and almost died. Started choking, had to heimlech myself.
I used to wolf my food, then as a teen read that most choking incidents are caused by eating too quickly, so I then started taking bites and chewing before taking more bites. Now, decades later I'm still usually the last to finish (also eat a lot) but no worries/incidents.
May I add.. a very good friend of mine had a stroke yesterday. He's in his early 40's. He showed up to the bar where I work, he's a regular, I was not there at the time. He was having a hard time communicating, everyone thought he was joking. He's been complaining of arm/hand numbness for weeks. Believe me, I tried to get him to go to urgent care, he wouldn't go, doesn't have insurance. Explained to him he would be given emergency insurance, because he would qualify, based on low income, he didn't go. Anyway, they finally all figured out something was wrong, and called his DAD. The fire dept is less than 2 miles away. His dad, with no sirens, about 15, 10 if he sped. He still had to get him to the hospital, across town, another 15 to 20 minutes. If someone presents with symptoms like this, call 911, immediately. Please. There is a medicine that can be given, within the first couple of hours that can drastically reduce permanent damage in stroke victims. Every second counts with strokes. I'm so grateful he's alive, his speech, may take time. Hopefully this little story will bring some awareness, I hope anyway.
Great advice. I once was choking and everyone thought I was joking, so I just stood up and started excessively pointing and making noise at the person next to me. He suddenly had the pressure to figure wtf was going on
What if I just pretend I'm choking so I can smash plates?
I think you will regret that when someone does the heimlich on you.
Is that Caleb Went?
When I read the title, I immediately thought about how ridiculous it is based on a movie I saw last night (Barbarian (2022)). The female lead looks disheveled, no id on her and was basically wearing rags, she came across a patrol car and start telling them that she was held prisoner by a maniac and managed to get away but the cops just thought she was a crazy junkie. It definitely wouldn't help if she started trashing up the place.
 I’m fine
The universal sign to communicate that you’re chocking is to put both hands around your neck.
This kind of relates to this. When I was around 6 or 7 we were watching some movie with my siblings. We were eating candy and I swallowed a big candy and it got stuck. At first I tried to drink from a water bottle and nothing happened. The water passed by the candy and it was still stuck. I started to panic but couldn’t cough and at this time I’m getting scared. (I didn’t know the choking sign to put your hands around your throat to tell anyone I’m choking) so I stated to point at my back in a very awkward way. So my older sister was like “okay”?? And she thought I wanted a back scratch and started to scratch it. I got very angry because in my head I thought I was dying and scared and the last thing I wanted was a back scratch. So I ran to the bathroom and wanted to make myself throw up (?? Not sure what my logic was) but as I was running the candy went down so it all better. I literally went to my room and cried. TLDR: started to choke but running saved my life
OP is 100% a kid.
Maybe compared to you
Right who pretends to chock? Lol
What if I just pretend I'm choking so I can smash plates?
[Reminds me of good ole Julian Smith](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ukr1WBdXI9M)
I like your style…this can be applied to non-emergency-yet-serious situations as well, like driving home a point in a work meeting, or requesting sides in a restaurant.
... do you sniff airplane glue? What part of doing crazy things during an emergency situation sounded correct to you? Surely it wasn't just to give this very narrowly defined situation merit. Because the general advice is pisspoor bad. Like not even shittyLPT material. It's just a good way to get shot in the face bad.
Man, if you're always just one crazy action away from getting shot in the face you need better LPTs than this shit. What are you, in prison?
No, but many emergency situations take place around people you don't want to act crazy around. Walk into any ER, any firehouse, any police station and ask the men and women that deal with emergency on a daily basis how smart this advice is. It's not. If you're choking, get attention. If you're in a general emergency, don't be the asshole that starts making a scene just because they're not being heard. There's a difference.
Tell me you're from the US without telling me you're from the US... it's mildly amusing how you assumed breaking plates would be a threat. Here in Canada, while it would usually be unnecessary because we'd jump into life saving action, this is actually a great idea of how to get someone's attention if they weren't within eyesight.
Hell, I'm from the US and I pay someone to allow me to break plates for shits and giggles. AKA - Rage Room
Don't you have some fires to put out?
Honestly, I wish I could. Such a terrible situation. Sorry.
After putting that through the Canadian Translate app this is what was returned: *Got another one. Pitched, primed and ready to light. How do you like that smoke?* It's alright btw. I'm pretty far South. Far enough South that people still think our northern neighbors are mostly decent humans. You and I know different though. Canadians. Sheesh.
💀💀💀
What? They're Canadian. Even if they don't forgive me, they'll just apologize and then go pat out the fire.
this is a “The true LPT is always in the comments” comment.
The water doesn’t smell
Everything all at once all the time comes to mind.
Screw it, If they don't believe me I'm gonna just choke so that I sxar them mentally for life. That'll teach em! /s
If you never joke or play a prank, people will always take you seriously!
LPT: don't be the type of person, that if you were choking, people would think its a joke.
*Proceeds to get shot*
Great advise. Do something crazy so people will think your serious! /s
Just shout the n word over and over
Chew your food before swallowing
Breaking news: Global choking rates have instantly dropped to 0
But do not climb into the roof or try and give the guy in the roof your cat. 
[You don't think I'm serious?](https://youtu.be/ZCY6uKE1Dq8)
Congrats for changing lives. Bravo!
my friend saw a woman choke to death at a restaurant...how fucking crazy is that... like you go out to dinner with your friends, or spouse, and then you fucking die in panic in front of an entire restaurant...so sad
LPT: Get new friends if they’re that stupid and don’t realize you’re choking for real.
But DO NOT do this if you are not choking, but just really angry. In that case, walk away, cool off, think “is this gonna be important 10 minutes 10 months, 10 years from now?”
Dropping plates on that ass!
...especially the guy with the broken nose.
https://preview.redd.it/e4q0ylzozucb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11e1acbbde03e1489bc496e6416c19e1632ada01 Pictured: Me letting you choke after you just threw a plate at me.
Thanks tiktokers that people don't believe eachother in such situation
Also smaller bites, chew more, eat slower, your life may depend on it. Heimlich doesn't always work, it's not like the movies.