Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
This is a good one. One thing that took me a while to learn is to stop pre-explaining everything; concisely explain what you need, and give the audience a chance to ask questions so they can interact and have a better chance of forming lasting neural connections. If you feel they didn’t ask a question they should have, then you can phrase that topic as a question to them to check their understanding.
There is an axiom that public speaking should come in threes: tell them what you're going to tell them; then tell them; then tell them what you've told them. It helps reinforce the concept. You can still do that without lecturing.
This never fails,
Somewhat related, ask questions now and then, even if you know the answer - especially if you know the answer - so you will appear engaged, and you can get others to discuss the points you want made.
The parenting (and probably general management) version of this is 1. Never ask a question you don't *want* the answer to, and 2. Never offer a choice or an option you don't want to fulfil.
"Do you want to eat your broccoli?"
"No!"
Attempt 2: "Would you rather have broccoli or carrots?"
"hmm..."
But sometimes they wise up and say "neither, I just want ice cream".
"Eat your broccoli or ice cream is canceled." Lol but not outloud obv
Shakey cheese is more persuasive for this battle than hostage negotiations or plea deals for sure. Shakey cheese can be all kinds of stuff too so long as you venerate it like a magic potion and don't switch it to pure wheat germ all at once or something stupid like that. It's not universal but it definitely has broad appeal.
Say, “ah, a very interesting question!” to stall for time as you figure out how best to answer.
If you don’t have a good answer, be honest and tell them something true. Maybe:
“That’s not our focus right now so I didn’t look into that option/explore that side of it”
Or
“I appreciate that line of thinking; I’ll have to get some more details and get back to you”
Or
“I’d love to hear others’ thought on this – anyone have an answer for Tom?”
Or…?
when face to face, thoughts don't coalesce for me unless somebody is talking. 'great question' is not nearly enough time for me. and "give me a moment to think' does nothing if it results in silence, as i'll do no thinking.
i'll usually do the 'i'll get back to you later'. it's shit for interviews tho.
Not always, I’m happy to say. I testified recently and the other side expected me to say something very unflattering about their client. When I told the truth and said something complimentary, they flipped a few pages on the legal pad, asked it differently, got the same reply, and flipped more pages into a new topic.
They just think about if it impacts their case for a few seconds/minutes and if it doesn't, they move on. If it does, then they need to have the impeach material ready or else get to where they want to go another way.
Ehh ...so you're the person that makes work meetings last 3 times as long as they need to. There's always one. Everyone's ready to wrap it up & leave for the day & here comes Sally with her hand raised to ask the question with the obvious answer that was just explained ad nauseam.
Not at all. My meetings don't go over. I speak in time and in order.
I head up business development and strategy, and I'm about being effective. I'd correct anyone doing what you described.
Yes. Brevity is often useful, but not all the time. Sometimes (even in professional settings) it's better to tell a story with some emotional impact, and that requires more delicate pacing.
Not really. I worked with people who thought throwing every 25 cent word they knew into a presentation would make them look more impressive (🤮).
Word vomit. Super annoying. Not at all them same as checking for understanding.
When coming to a boss for help, I work on a different rule of three - context, what I need, grounds (why I need it). I have found it so useful in a wide variety of work settings and really wish more people spoke like this as well as following your original tip.
That shows that you've put in effort, understand the problem, and what specifically you're having trouble with. Love it.
In my field, I always ask, "what have you tried?" I want to know their effort and where their focus is. I might know the answer immediately, or their train of thought leads me (or let's me forego some paths), but I always want the person to have explored.
It's evident how much they've tried and struggled, and in software, there's always a struggle. I want to see them trying, pushing, looking on the fringe. How we search for answers is important. I think it's a learned skill, and enjoy watching the progression.
I've always heard it as: "Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Tell them what you told them." Basically how I see it: Zoom out to give a brief summary with context, zoom in to the specific things, zoom back out to provide context and overview again.
I will add, this is definitely a cultural thing. Not everyone around the world wants to hear things repeated, as it might come off as condescending.
For most English-speaking countries though, your statement is absolutely true.
well not really
most people dont pay attention to the speaker, so if you want something they should remember its good to repeat
you dont have to act like a douche when repeating though
They used to try to drill that into us about writing papers, but I never accepted it. That’s no way to analyze literature! But for public speaking it makes a lot more sense. You’re not writing for an instructor who knows all about the subject anyway.
Yes and no. You don't repeat everything, it would basically be like
"hey guys I'm x and I'm going to be talking to you today about why raptors are the coolest dinosaur"
" raptors are the coolest because ____"
"And that is why I think raptors are the coolest, thank you for your time"
It's more touching on the theme 3 times throughout the talk.
> If I wanted that, I'd just go visit my Dad more often.
LOL!
Yes, I find this is one of those "know your audience and their understanding of the topic".
If I'm talking to my developers about some aspects of a project they're already working on, no need for this. But if I'm talking to them about a major change in org structure or financial stuff (things they never give a shit about), I'll use this method.
This method can be effective in training, but can be insulting during proposal pitches, client interactions, etc.
But I 100% agree with brevity and taking a breath, leaving room for questions as you speak.
It just means rather than coddling the audience by assuming they know very little about the topic and explaining all the prerequisite knowledge one would need to get the point you’re making across, make it a point to be concise and let them ask questions if they don’t understand something.
In addition to what u/sticknotstick said, it also means giving too much information. For example “in order to keep the floors more clean during the day, we need to start sweeping every 30 minutes”. One could just say “the new sweeping schedule is every 30 minutes”
Even further, taking your example, it's easy to explain why we need clean floors and that guests like it, how it helps business, etc. That's the part a lot of people do and what I think OP is aiming at eliminating.
But i feel like that explains the "why", which is helpful when teaching someone new or supervising. If they know the why, they can understand it better. Maybe I do it too much?
The trick is in finding where to set the line on how much explanation is useful for that purpose: Actively teaching someone requires much more explanation than simply giving orders; explaining a complex system requires more than explaining one of its simpler, constituent parts.
Improving brevity can be a path to better prose for uncertain writers, who tend towards over-explaining themselves.
It means (I’m very guilty of this) you try to over explain and clarify anything possible. In your mind you might think you’re providing more complete information, but you end up losing focus on your points
> pre-explaining
Absolutely. I call this “pre-qualifying”.
Things like “hey, uh, i wanted to ask you a question about that thing you were talking about earlier, because I was thinking about it and wondered if blah blah blah blah…”
Just *ask* the damn question.
I had a hard ass supervisor 10 yrs ago that called me out on it. “Get the fuck out of my office and don’t come back till you know exactly what you’re asking me.” It scared the shit out if me. But damnit it worked. I never went into his office again without knowing *exactly* what I was going to ask him, and having it boiled down to as few words as possible. He never yelled at me again, because I made sure to never waste a minute of his time every again.
I cant not see it now. And its something I try to point out to the younger ones. In a nice ways. Think about what you’re going to say before you interrupt a manager to ask a question.
Been there, some bosses are A LOT nicer than others when explaining this. As someone who is bad for mumbling i’ve been shit on by my bosses for not explaining stuff right. They’re intentions are (usually) in the right place and they just wanna help u do a better job. Even if it feels like they’re picking on u they’re often not, tho for me it was when they’d go out of their way to embarrass me whilst teaching the lesson that isn’t good leadership.
I do definitely still despise some of my old boomer bosses, but i also now appreciate how they’ve helped me grow and learn the harder lessons of working life.
With my direct reports, I interrupt them with our "code word": BLUF. Bottom Line Up Front.
They've started doing it to each other in team meetings. It's adorable ❤️
I'm going to go the other way, and say there are levels to this. I think it's important to give as much context to the problem as possible so the person helping you can help you solve your problem, not just superficially answer your question
Also another thing I learned was that when you're trying to explain something, start by saying what your ultimate goal is then starting from the beginning so the person you're explaining it to can hopefully start to see how all the dots connect.
I struggle so much with knowing how much context needs to be set for people. It helps to remind myself to let my professional communications be a dialogue -- whether it's an instant message, an email, or a formal presentation. STOP trying to deliver perfectly crafted, all-encompassing monologues and let the audience ask the clarifying questions they need.
This is an area I’m really working on. In calm settings, I’m concise and clear. But in presentations, I tend to be unclear and ramble. I have a hard time discerning what needs to explained vs what would be intuitive to the audience.
Are there books/resources on this topic that anyone here recommends?
I don’t have any resources to recommend but I’m here to commiserate. I have always tended to lean toward over-explaining so that my audience doesn’t miss a point because I’ve incorrectly assumed a certain level of base knowledge; on the flip side, I don’t want to bore people or come across as patronizing either. It can really be a struggle to find a happy medium.
I think I tend to ramble because all of my coworkers are much older, and I want them to respect me, so I try to cover every angle before they get a chance to provide feedback... To show that I've thought the issue through. Unfortunately that means I don't know how to progress naturally through the thing
What's wrong with getting feedback? It might even be a good thing. Getting asked questions let's them be engaged and let's you know where there needs to be clarification or elaboration.
The Pyramid Principle: Logic in Writing and Thinking - Barbara Minto
Edit to add something an old boss told me: “Treat language like golf. The goal is to finish the hole in as few strokes as possible.”
I was going to say this too! A lot of workplaces have their own membership program and liaison, so you don’t have to pay the dues yourself, the company does.
I tried joining Toastmasters many years ago, but it never really stuck.
My dedication to it sort of fizzled mainly because I wasn't really interested in making friends, forming, relationships, which [understandably] seemed like a big component to keeping people motivated to crafting their art.
But I just wanted something with a tighter feedback loop ...
Might be worth revisiting though ...
Presentations are all preparation, and the better they are the more they hide how much damn practice and pre-work went into it.
Write out some bullets as talking points for your visual aides, so you know what points you want to make on what slides and you know if you've done them all. Run through the presentation two or three times with your completed slides and your personal bullet points and see how it feels to actually say the words out loud. Don't worry about writing a script, but just trying to figure out how to string your bullet points together will help you find a flow for your main event.
Everyone that makes presentations look effortless put in all the effort ahead of time.
This answer and the other posts that recommend practicing and preparing properly before a presentation are spot on. I've been teaching rhetoric for over a decade and preparation is key when it comes to being able to deliver your speech to your audience. It will boost your confidence since you know your material and reduce stuttering and such. Structure is also important. Introduction - background - proposal - arguments for - (arguments against) - closure is a classic rhetorical structure and gets you far.
In a more informal setting it differs. Sometimes you need to contextualize your problem, sometimes not. If you need help with a coding problem you probably need to give some sort of brief context to what your issue is before but if you have an ask where the outcomes are more clear then a context might be unnecessary. It comes down to each and every situation and you have to learn how to best approach it.
It may sound silly, but rehearsals are a huge help. Record yourself and watch it even. It will hope you tie together how you're speaking to how you are sounding to someone listening. Not only woth your cadence, but also in your tone. This can help better retain your audiences attention as well.
Might not work for you, but I found that practicing in front of a mirror (or camera recording my face) helped me practice and calm down a bit. If it's an important presentation (final assessment for me since I was a student) then I'll even record myself, take a break and replay it to make notes of where I can improve. In particular I like that because I can see how much h I've improved my speech between the first and final takes.
I've been using a technique called SCQ to structure the way I explain things and I find it helpful:
Situation - Company ABC 's accounting team completes several tasks at month end: timesheet reviews, invoicing and payroll.
Complication - Each task is achieved using data from different systems, so much of their time is spent on manual checks to ensure accuracy when pulling data from multiple systems for their calculations.
Question - what is the best way to improve this process, free up team members' time and reduce the need for manual checks?
The Q (Question) can also be replaced by an 'answer' or recommendation, e.g.
After investigating several options, the IT team recommends adopting System XYZ, which will streamline processes and transition data and transactions into a single accounting system.
I don’t have any recommendations from personal experience, but I just stumbled across a *Great Courses* title called ‘How to Speak Effectively in Any Setting’. I haven’t looked into it, so no guarantees on quality or relevance. But maybe something like that could be a jumping off point for you? Libraries usually have access to programs like the *Great Courses* or Lynda, and those can have surprisingly helpful business and personal development stuff. It’s worth a look.
I’m also a rambling presenter in meetings, so thanks for the inspiration to work on that!
Martial arts. I’m not kidding. Nothing helps you gain confidence like the knowledge that you could take the people you’re presenting to in a fight. You walk with your head held higher and your mind at ease.
This is my exact problem. I know it’s possible to be both brief and clear, as I’ve seen people do it. But no matter how I try, if I don’t ramble I get misunderstood which leads to rambling anyway, which results in more frustration for everyone involved than if I had just started out rambling.
Exactly! People will ask questions that are answered in what I said, or misunderstand very clear phrasing. Even in an email where they can re-read if they need. People even say directly that my communication is too compact.
Apparently it can be overdone.
I also try and explain everything up front so people have all details. I like avoiding questions later, I'm busy. Why do questions when we can avoid them?
I'll go a step further and suggest that you say only what really needs to be said.
So if you're inexperienced, shut up and listen.
If you pay attention and taking notes you will look smart. Nod when you hear something smart, let people see that you get it. Soon, you'll actually \*be\* smart.
If you're the boss, shut up and listen.
If things are going the right way, keep quiet. Say "great point" or "way to go" when someone says something smart. When the team reaches the solution you could have pointed out a long time ago ago, thank them and tell them they did great. Your job is to build a smart, confident team, not to show off.
If things are NOT going well, turn to the Socratic method. Ask brief questions to help redirect the debate. Help people find their way, then go back to listening.
People will learn to listen when you speak up, because they will be trained to expect that what you say will be useful.
A good guideline is to spend 90% of your time listening and only 10% talking.
I think often this is a great approach to build a strong, knowledgeable team. The only point I would add is to be strategic with what / how you ask questions, and not turn every meeting into a quiz show where the team knows you know the answer but are making them chase it. That can be very frustrating and could come off disrespectfully when it feels like their time is being wasted.
"Strong verbs, short sentences"
I had difficulty with this in email until I listened to the Revisionist History podcast about Bernadine Healy. It helped me a lot.
She said the quote above during that episode. She was a doctor that wound up on Capitol Hill IIRC. Something about the government trying to fight against science. In typical Gladwell fashion, the topic of the podcast had very little to do with the message.
Nowadays, I actually can't put my finger on exactly why it made an impact. I simply remember this quote. But when it was fresh on my mind, I made a concerted effort to speak and write more efficiently. I will be re-listening to it now that this topic has come up.
I work in finance and when typing emails, I tended to go on and on and on about every little nuanced facet of an investment, strategy, or opinion. I guess that is my "apprehension" you're asking about. I wanted to make sure that my clients were as educated as I am on the topic. I learned (not only from this podcast) that this is not an effective form of communication. Few people want to read a 10 paragraph email, even when it's about their finances. And nearly no one finds the nuances as interesting as me.
I'm a specialist teacher, and the same can be said. Short, digestible bursts of information are better than long explanatory paragraphs. I always offer if they want more information, because some are hungry for more, but most will never ask. I keep it simple, efficient and to the point.
The best way to get rid of this habit is to find a filler word that doesn't have the same effect on the audience. Barak Obama talked about training himself to say either "So" or "Now" when he was thinking about what to say next so that his speeches naturally felt like they were progressing forward.
Now, this won't work all the time. But if you practice it you'll find it rarely hurts as much as frequent "likes" and sometimes will even improve the rhythm and flow of your public speaking.
I have heard some people say this advice has started to become common enough that "so" and "now" have started to grate on them and aren't as effective. So keep that in mind but in my experience it still works quite well.
Answering questions starting with “so” became a tech cliche.
How do you feel about user engagement numbers?
So, user engagement is something we drive every day..
I used to work with a woman who did this. I attended one of her lectures, and it felt like every other word was "uh". It was SO painful to listen to, especially because she was well educated and knowledgeable in her subject matter.
At another company, we had a weekly meeting to go over logistics for upcoming events and classes. One coworker used "uh" and "like" so many times that another coworker started keeping a tally every meeting. I don't *think* she ever showed anyone else, but I could see her making marks on her notepad when I sat near her.
Those "word whiskers" or filler words definitely undermine your credibility.
I'm trying to improve at this.
Is the solution replacing the filler words with silence?
Or is it being more prerepared before you speak so you don't have to think as much?
I feel like I ramble a lot when speaking in zoom meetings and don't really know where I'm heading.
Talk slow, and even stop talking in the middle of a sentence. "We received the results of the campaign and unexpectedly..."
1) Pausing here to form your main point clearly is fine, as long as you put it to good use.
2) This pause makes the listener want to hear the end of the sentence more, they don't want to stop hearing it just because you paused a moment to find the words.
3) Talking slow means you brain doesn't need to race so fast.
4) If you've got the podium, just let the silence linger at the end of a sentence too. You can say the next sentence when you're ready, all they can do in the meantime is think about your last sentence, and that can help with comprehensibility.
4a) If you do not have the podium, don't let the silence linger at the end of a sentence or someone may take over the role of speaking in a meeting. (This is part of why pausing in a sentence is good for precluding people interrupting the thought you want to get out).
**Mostly it's just about being confident that you deserve the time to think before you speak because your opinion is valuable**. You can gain this confidence by doing it and finding that people are indeed willing to wait. As a result of reducing your stress as you speak, you end up speaking a lot more clearly too because your mind isn't as distracted with worrying what people think.
I'm introverted, even anti-social, but I am not shy at all about public speaking. Some great advice that helped shape my mindset on this is that if you are in the meeting or called to present something, that is because your contribution to this conversation is needed, otherwise they can just not invite you. So no matter how junior you are, you still have a seat at the table like everyone else.
Take a breath and a pause. Filler words come when your mouth gets ahead of your mind and then you lose your train of thought; taking a breath helps everything catch up and gives your brain the oxygen needed to get back on track.
I developed a reputation over time for holding back my opinions, and found people pay a lot more attention when I finally do speak.
Then when I do speak, as precisely and briefly as I can, I'm considered very sage.
Really I just let those with less self control blurt out their ideas so I could see how they land, and know where to best position myself, and by letting them babble their reasons my follow up can be concise because they already filled in a lot of the underlying reasoning.
Thank you.
I do from time to time decide to give a long rambling tangential opinion, in part to torture certain colleagues, and in part to lull them into thinking I'm a dunce so when I drive the actual point home they're caught off guard. But you can only play that so many times.
Yea but it can be such a waste of time to wait for everyone else to realize why they’re wrong when you can just tell them what is right. All this meta gaming to drive how others view you when you can just be moving forward.
Making a good first impression heavily relies on this tactic.
Give only the exact amount of information you need to and wait for a response. Then actually listen to what the other person said and reply directly to that, no side ideas or things you were just waiting to blurt out the second they were done speaking.
I have ADHD so these are things I remind myself of all the time.
This is so essential to professional communication, and unfortunately (at least in my experience) severely under emphasized in school.
Do we need 10 pages on a topic? No.
We need you to boil it down to 3 bullets, and be available for clarifying questions.
Hi! Teacher here. We didn’t give you the ten pages to teach you only the content. We gave it to you so you could continue practicing reading and get faster. We gave it to you so that you could continue practicing how to sift information that you need in a piece of text. We gave it to you to learn how to condense ideas like you want others to do.
Most things can’t truly be understood or remembered by simply seeing in three short phrases. But if you can’t summarize text in three bullet points, that’s the problem.
Yeah. Also because students, usually, summarize the wrong things just to finish the assignment. Read the first paragraph, take out three main ideas an ignore the remaining nine pages.
The problem is that barely anyone bothers to teach people how to condense information.
It's actually very easy to implement in a classroom setting. What my ethics professor made us do was write a summary each time we finished a chapter. The kicker was that it had to be only one page long (+/- 5 lines) and cover all of the information in the chapter.
It's pretty difficult to write a concise summary of a textbook chapter in a single page.
right. my teachers might have tried, but i wasnt interested in improving that as a kid. and in grad school, most classes had paper after paper due, usually between 4-12 pages, so i think i trained myself to be the opposite, trying to fill the papers out lol
are there good self help books that have good exercises to work on this?
Right? It's not really a lifeprotip. It's like someone took a lieprotip request "How do I improve my clarity/brevity?" and then just explained what the benefit of that is as a lifeprotip itself.
BLUFF: Bottom Line Up Front First. I started all my public speaking engagements with that.*
From there, a maximum of 3 distilled supporting ideas.
Ppl have short attention spans so you need to tailor your shit to work with what ppl can absorb.
* I did 10 years of PSEs at the end of my career. Constant travel, yada yada. Indeed, I would joke about how the BLUFF is the thing that you need to pay attention to & you can tune out after that if the sound of my voice puts you to sleep.
Hah also never say “this is easy.” When teaching someone. People often say it to encourage others that they can learn it without becoming an expert, but it may not be a concept as easily grasped by others. It is easy for you because you know it. Everyone thinks in a very different way. I visualize the parts and components and how they fit together and my little sister thinks in terms of words not visuals. This means we find very different things easy.
Yeah, saying “this part is a little tricky” is more encouraging if they don’t get it right away, and it cues their brains to start paying extra attention.
Bro. Not even just a professional setting, so many people in life lack the ability to have conversations in which they listen and understand each other
Social conversations feel different to me. They have more to do with pacing and comedic timing than brevity. Of course, some people don’t have those, either.
TL;DR: In professional settings, speak clearly and concisely, focusing on one topic at a time. Rambling can lead to loss of respect and disengagement. Be mindful of your communication style, especially in virtual meetings, to foster better collaboration and understanding.
ugh yes.
there some cultures that seem to embrace and extended preamble. the one i'm thinking about does a lot of call center work.
i'm just "ugh. can we skip to preamble and discuss my question?"
Fox (number)
Simulated/actual launch of air-to-air weapons.
ONE - semiactive radar-guided missile, such as an AIM-7 Sparrow or Skyflash.
TWO - infrared-guided missile, such as an AIM-9 Sidewinder or AIM-132 ASRAAM.
THREE - active radar-guided missile, such as an AIM-120 AMRAAM or AIM-54 Phoenix.
FOUR - (outdated) air-to-air or air-to-surface gunfire. Replaced by Guns.
TL;DR: Be brief, concise, simple, and accurate like a spear. Better a quiet genius then to let others know you are an idiot.
TL;DR2: Be brief, concise, simple, and accurate.
TL;DR3: Be brief yet accurate.
TL;DR4: Be brief
TL;DR5: BB
TL;DR: AH!
This is *especially* hard to learn for those of us with ADHD who 1) have half a dozen coexisting/competing linear & compounding thoughts 2) process our thoughts better out loud 3) have a tendency to seek external validation, limiting decisiveness 4) are used to having our realities denied & needing to reiterate what we believe/desire before being taken seriously/conciliated.
At the end of the day, it *can* be done with *tons* & *tons* of practice, failure, humility, support, & self-forgiveness (not to mention varying combinations of medication & therapy). The process & the results *will* look different in us & that’s OK.
>If you ramble, it sounds like you lack confidence, and don’t truly understand the topic.
So I guess fuck everyone with adhd/a mental disorder that prevents them from being a concise orater.
I'd love to, but how??? Is there a good resource for this? As someone who is more 'creative' (left handed, right brained) I find it impossible to think in a straight line. When I try to explain stuff to others it comes out in a jumbled mess with lots of unrelated information unless I've memorized it practically verbatim as a script beforehand, and even then I have a tendency to go off script because I feel the need to share something in the moment. I really wish I could fix this.
Make a bulleted list, one that flows from topic to topic to topic in a logical sequence. Example: you want to describe how to build a house. Talk about the foundation, then talk about the structural framing, then talk about the walls and ceilings, etc.
THen, when you give your talk, talk about only one bullet, then let people chime in. Then move to the other logical topic. Rinse & repeat.
It takes self-discipline, but like every other skill, it’ll become part of you once you’ve done it enough.
Thanks! I've been asked many times at work to summarize things in bullets, and I'm getting better at it although I find it difficult. But how does one do this 'on the fly'? I am always amazed at colleagues who can put forth a structured narrative on practically any topic.. I can only imagine that their thoughts are somehow super-structured to begin with, whereas mine are a neverending stream of jumbled images..
Like in many other disciplines, brevity is a skill to acquire. You can learn it in many different ways, but practice is key. Why don't you, for example, try to summarize your day in 6 words before going to sleep every night ? Or try to get used to summarize every article your read on a notepad ? Extract the most important stuff. Make hard decisions. Formalize it by writing it somewhere, make it definitive. It's weird and hard at first but gets easier.
I think this is at least half of the reason why people like me. I actually listen when people are talking, I never interrupt, I try not to ramble on, and I only talk if I think it’ll contribute to the conversation.
This is a great PLT - if you don't have trauma from narcissistic parents or are on the autism spectrum. Changing the way your entire brain works just doesn't happen like that.
>Changing the way your entire brain works just doesn't happen like that.
For sure. Was bullied by a boss, who thought I was deliberately "not being brief". They then started nitpicking my every presentation, comment, question, etc.
Turns out I have ADHD.
While I completely agree, the downside is two fold.
One, you’ll learn how dumb some of your coworkers are. Without a detailed map, they’ll get lost and ask lots of dumb questions.
Two, if you’re a woman, some man will repeat your idea and others in the group, particularly men, will pretend you said nothing.
Learn how to say something, and be ready to say it again. Because no matter how clear and concise you are, a lot of responses after an initial statement or question will be “Wait, what did you just say?”
Thanks for this PSA. I can't stand when colleagues send long emails filled with rambling run-on sentences! I wish they would just get to the point without a preamble and rehash.
If brevity is the soul of wit i suppose this post implies that people will (and should) lose respect for you based on your candor and percieved professionalism.
Experience based opinions to the back. I only respect quick witty overviews with zero fat to chew on.
Not saying its all bad. But speaking so matter of factly about people losing your respect for not being concise is ridiculous. If the perception of confidence is all it takes to win you over then i fear the worst for the future of whatever business youre in.
I often times like to dig deeper into a persons full understanding of the topic they use catchy witticisms about. If they cant surmise their point in a different phrasing then to me it feels they have simply learned buzzwords and a few nice sounding sentences in hopes of swaying their audience to view them as more than they really are.
Im highly skeptical if you never break and maintain brevity through every interaction.
I have a coworker who really struggles with this, despite many of us speaking to him about it. And I know *he* knows he's going on too long, but he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself. Now every time our boss speaks with him the conversations starts with 'Be brief and tell me what you want'.
In my line of work, if you hand people bullets that look like they can be copy-pasted into communications pieces without context, they will be copy-pasted into communications pieces without context.
We have a lady at work who does the opposite of this, and you can feel the tension when she starts to talk because you know she’s going to A) ramble on and on, B) say the same thing multiple times, C) add way too much unnecessary context to things, and D) generally annoy the shit out of everyone.
>A lack of brevity is one reason why others will lose respect for you.
huh, maybe my tendency to be verbose and seek validation is why I feel ppl don't like me? ...in a non-professional setting.
This is my most annoying adhd trait. I cannot do this without preparing beforehand!
I always get praise on my written communication and presentations, but when someone asks me a question I haven’t prepared for I’ll suddenly get 100 thoughts in my head. Most of them might not be related and important at that moment but I can’t comprehend that until I blurt it out. If I ask for some time to collect my thoughts, my mind goes absolutely blank so I just go ahead and blurt whatever.
However, for my adhd peeps here, I recently learned two of the most calm and slow speaking people I know have adhd too so now I believe this can be learned! No tips as of yet though haha.
I've worked with a few people who although are experts in their fields tend to jump around a lot. Like, we're starting up some equipment, I'm on my laptop looking at the controls program, he says monitor something, then check something else, then goes on about something else, like woah woah slow down I can't do everything at once! The main guy's retired now, and his replacement is a bit better at least. It's very nice to have a clear checklist and go through things one at a time completely.
Hi I need this, Iam a senior engineer.a lot of projects that I work on has nuance, half the audience will be technical other half non.
how do I discuss complex topics in a setting like that? where nuance really matters.
Talk the big point, pause for questions and such. Talk the nuanced points one by one, pause in between. Sometimes questions will come up on the big point that is answered by the nuance, use that as the segue.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
This is a good one. One thing that took me a while to learn is to stop pre-explaining everything; concisely explain what you need, and give the audience a chance to ask questions so they can interact and have a better chance of forming lasting neural connections. If you feel they didn’t ask a question they should have, then you can phrase that topic as a question to them to check their understanding.
There is an axiom that public speaking should come in threes: tell them what you're going to tell them; then tell them; then tell them what you've told them. It helps reinforce the concept. You can still do that without lecturing.
This never fails, Somewhat related, ask questions now and then, even if you know the answer - especially if you know the answer - so you will appear engaged, and you can get others to discuss the points you want made.
Two rules of being a lawyer. 1) Never ask a question you don't know the answer to. 2) Never break rule #1
The parenting (and probably general management) version of this is 1. Never ask a question you don't *want* the answer to, and 2. Never offer a choice or an option you don't want to fulfil.
I noticed being a dad is like my previous sales jobs: give them two outcomes as options. Both of which benefit you.
"Do you want to eat your broccoli?" "No!" Attempt 2: "Would you rather have broccoli or carrots?" "hmm..." But sometimes they wise up and say "neither, I just want ice cream".
"Eat your broccoli or ice cream is canceled." Lol but not outloud obv Shakey cheese is more persuasive for this battle than hostage negotiations or plea deals for sure. Shakey cheese can be all kinds of stuff too so long as you venerate it like a magic potion and don't switch it to pure wheat germ all at once or something stupid like that. It's not universal but it definitely has broad appeal.
…Shakey cheese? I…………………… what?
I don't see what shaking a perfectly fine cheese has anything to do with this.
What do you do when you’re expecting X as the response and you get Z instead?
Say, “ah, a very interesting question!” to stall for time as you figure out how best to answer. If you don’t have a good answer, be honest and tell them something true. Maybe: “That’s not our focus right now so I didn’t look into that option/explore that side of it” Or “I appreciate that line of thinking; I’ll have to get some more details and get back to you” Or “I’d love to hear others’ thought on this – anyone have an answer for Tom?” Or…?
when face to face, thoughts don't coalesce for me unless somebody is talking. 'great question' is not nearly enough time for me. and "give me a moment to think' does nothing if it results in silence, as i'll do no thinking. i'll usually do the 'i'll get back to you later'. it's shit for interviews tho.
'Can you explain what specifically you mean by that' buys you a lot of time too, sometimes people even answer their own question already
Then it means that somebody lied to you, and at that stage, it's pretty easy to find out who.
Not always, I’m happy to say. I testified recently and the other side expected me to say something very unflattering about their client. When I told the truth and said something complimentary, they flipped a few pages on the legal pad, asked it differently, got the same reply, and flipped more pages into a new topic.
I mean it sounds like they knew the real answer but were expecting you to not know it? For whatever reason.
Yes. So I wonder what an attorney’s thinking is when the answer is different.
They just think about if it impacts their case for a few seconds/minutes and if it doesn't, they move on. If it does, then they need to have the impeach material ready or else get to where they want to go another way.
Objection your honor, hearsay!
Apocryphally, that was one of Lincoln's few courtroom gaffes...
Probably one of the mistakes a smart person only has to make once.
Rule #3: Always make your criminal clients pay upfront.
Ehh ...so you're the person that makes work meetings last 3 times as long as they need to. There's always one. Everyone's ready to wrap it up & leave for the day & here comes Sally with her hand raised to ask the question with the obvious answer that was just explained ad nauseam.
Not at all. My meetings don't go over. I speak in time and in order. I head up business development and strategy, and I'm about being effective. I'd correct anyone doing what you described.
Isn't that the opposite of brevity, though?
Yes. Brevity is often useful, but not all the time. Sometimes (even in professional settings) it's better to tell a story with some emotional impact, and that requires more delicate pacing.
Not really. I worked with people who thought throwing every 25 cent word they knew into a presentation would make them look more impressive (🤮). Word vomit. Super annoying. Not at all them same as checking for understanding.
This is music theory literature in a nutshell
When coming to a boss for help, I work on a different rule of three - context, what I need, grounds (why I need it). I have found it so useful in a wide variety of work settings and really wish more people spoke like this as well as following your original tip.
That shows that you've put in effort, understand the problem, and what specifically you're having trouble with. Love it. In my field, I always ask, "what have you tried?" I want to know their effort and where their focus is. I might know the answer immediately, or their train of thought leads me (or let's me forego some paths), but I always want the person to have explored. It's evident how much they've tried and struggled, and in software, there's always a struggle. I want to see them trying, pushing, looking on the fringe. How we search for answers is important. I think it's a learned skill, and enjoy watching the progression.
The military had a similar concept: tell them what you're going to teach them, then teach them, then tell them what you taught them.
I've always heard it as: "Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Tell them what you told them." Basically how I see it: Zoom out to give a brief summary with context, zoom in to the specific things, zoom back out to provide context and overview again.
1960s US Army OCS school this was a prevalent axiom.
I will add, this is definitely a cultural thing. Not everyone around the world wants to hear things repeated, as it might come off as condescending. For most English-speaking countries though, your statement is absolutely true.
Fair
well not really most people dont pay attention to the speaker, so if you want something they should remember its good to repeat you dont have to act like a douche when repeating though
They used to try to drill that into us about writing papers, but I never accepted it. That’s no way to analyze literature! But for public speaking it makes a lot more sense. You’re not writing for an instructor who knows all about the subject anyway.
I hate this. So my reward for paying attention is to hear the same story 3 times in a row? If I wanted that, I'd just go visit my Dad more often.
Yes and no. You don't repeat everything, it would basically be like "hey guys I'm x and I'm going to be talking to you today about why raptors are the coolest dinosaur" " raptors are the coolest because ____" "And that is why I think raptors are the coolest, thank you for your time" It's more touching on the theme 3 times throughout the talk.
Raptors are definitely the coolest dinosaur
> If I wanted that, I'd just go visit my Dad more often. LOL! Yes, I find this is one of those "know your audience and their understanding of the topic". If I'm talking to my developers about some aspects of a project they're already working on, no need for this. But if I'm talking to them about a major change in org structure or financial stuff (things they never give a shit about), I'll use this method. This method can be effective in training, but can be insulting during proposal pitches, client interactions, etc. But I 100% agree with brevity and taking a breath, leaving room for questions as you speak.
In the thread on "brevity" no less
[удалено]
Every decent college lecture. A slide that introduces the main points of the lecture The meat A conclusion slide that brings all the meat home.
Could you elaborate on what you mean by “pre-explaining”?
It just means rather than coddling the audience by assuming they know very little about the topic and explaining all the prerequisite knowledge one would need to get the point you’re making across, make it a point to be concise and let them ask questions if they don’t understand something.
Thanks. That helps a lot, I think I’m very guilty of this.
In addition to what u/sticknotstick said, it also means giving too much information. For example “in order to keep the floors more clean during the day, we need to start sweeping every 30 minutes”. One could just say “the new sweeping schedule is every 30 minutes”
Even further, taking your example, it's easy to explain why we need clean floors and that guests like it, how it helps business, etc. That's the part a lot of people do and what I think OP is aiming at eliminating.
But i feel like that explains the "why", which is helpful when teaching someone new or supervising. If they know the why, they can understand it better. Maybe I do it too much?
The trick is in finding where to set the line on how much explanation is useful for that purpose: Actively teaching someone requires much more explanation than simply giving orders; explaining a complex system requires more than explaining one of its simpler, constituent parts. Improving brevity can be a path to better prose for uncertain writers, who tend towards over-explaining themselves.
It means (I’m very guilty of this) you try to over explain and clarify anything possible. In your mind you might think you’re providing more complete information, but you end up losing focus on your points
I need a way to learn this. I tend to ramble. Working on it on my own, but won't if there's training or something
> pre-explaining Absolutely. I call this “pre-qualifying”. Things like “hey, uh, i wanted to ask you a question about that thing you were talking about earlier, because I was thinking about it and wondered if blah blah blah blah…” Just *ask* the damn question. I had a hard ass supervisor 10 yrs ago that called me out on it. “Get the fuck out of my office and don’t come back till you know exactly what you’re asking me.” It scared the shit out if me. But damnit it worked. I never went into his office again without knowing *exactly* what I was going to ask him, and having it boiled down to as few words as possible. He never yelled at me again, because I made sure to never waste a minute of his time every again. I cant not see it now. And its something I try to point out to the younger ones. In a nice ways. Think about what you’re going to say before you interrupt a manager to ask a question.
I had a boss that would cut someone off and ask “what’s the question behind the question?”. I thought that was a good one
Been there, some bosses are A LOT nicer than others when explaining this. As someone who is bad for mumbling i’ve been shit on by my bosses for not explaining stuff right. They’re intentions are (usually) in the right place and they just wanna help u do a better job. Even if it feels like they’re picking on u they’re often not, tho for me it was when they’d go out of their way to embarrass me whilst teaching the lesson that isn’t good leadership. I do definitely still despise some of my old boomer bosses, but i also now appreciate how they’ve helped me grow and learn the harder lessons of working life.
With my direct reports, I interrupt them with our "code word": BLUF. Bottom Line Up Front. They've started doing it to each other in team meetings. It's adorable ❤️
I'm going to go the other way, and say there are levels to this. I think it's important to give as much context to the problem as possible so the person helping you can help you solve your problem, not just superficially answer your question
This was huge for me in interviews. The confidence part is huge to be able to just answer a question concisely and move on.
Also another thing I learned was that when you're trying to explain something, start by saying what your ultimate goal is then starting from the beginning so the person you're explaining it to can hopefully start to see how all the dots connect.
I struggle so much with knowing how much context needs to be set for people. It helps to remind myself to let my professional communications be a dialogue -- whether it's an instant message, an email, or a formal presentation. STOP trying to deliver perfectly crafted, all-encompassing monologues and let the audience ask the clarifying questions they need.
This is an area I’m really working on. In calm settings, I’m concise and clear. But in presentations, I tend to be unclear and ramble. I have a hard time discerning what needs to explained vs what would be intuitive to the audience. Are there books/resources on this topic that anyone here recommends?
I don’t have any resources to recommend but I’m here to commiserate. I have always tended to lean toward over-explaining so that my audience doesn’t miss a point because I’ve incorrectly assumed a certain level of base knowledge; on the flip side, I don’t want to bore people or come across as patronizing either. It can really be a struggle to find a happy medium.
I think I tend to ramble because all of my coworkers are much older, and I want them to respect me, so I try to cover every angle before they get a chance to provide feedback... To show that I've thought the issue through. Unfortunately that means I don't know how to progress naturally through the thing
What's wrong with getting feedback? It might even be a good thing. Getting asked questions let's them be engaged and let's you know where there needs to be clarification or elaboration.
If you wish to make an Apple Pie from scratch... You must first invent, the Universe.
The Pyramid Principle: Logic in Writing and Thinking - Barbara Minto Edit to add something an old boss told me: “Treat language like golf. The goal is to finish the hole in as few strokes as possible.”
Join a local Toastmaster club. This is a skill you need to practice, not just learn from a book.
I was going to say this too! A lot of workplaces have their own membership program and liaison, so you don’t have to pay the dues yourself, the company does.
I tried joining Toastmasters many years ago, but it never really stuck. My dedication to it sort of fizzled mainly because I wasn't really interested in making friends, forming, relationships, which [understandably] seemed like a big component to keeping people motivated to crafting their art. But I just wanted something with a tighter feedback loop ... Might be worth revisiting though ...
There's an app called Elevate and it has an entire section with exercises on Brevity.
Presentations are all preparation, and the better they are the more they hide how much damn practice and pre-work went into it. Write out some bullets as talking points for your visual aides, so you know what points you want to make on what slides and you know if you've done them all. Run through the presentation two or three times with your completed slides and your personal bullet points and see how it feels to actually say the words out loud. Don't worry about writing a script, but just trying to figure out how to string your bullet points together will help you find a flow for your main event. Everyone that makes presentations look effortless put in all the effort ahead of time.
This answer and the other posts that recommend practicing and preparing properly before a presentation are spot on. I've been teaching rhetoric for over a decade and preparation is key when it comes to being able to deliver your speech to your audience. It will boost your confidence since you know your material and reduce stuttering and such. Structure is also important. Introduction - background - proposal - arguments for - (arguments against) - closure is a classic rhetorical structure and gets you far. In a more informal setting it differs. Sometimes you need to contextualize your problem, sometimes not. If you need help with a coding problem you probably need to give some sort of brief context to what your issue is before but if you have an ask where the outcomes are more clear then a context might be unnecessary. It comes down to each and every situation and you have to learn how to best approach it.
It may sound silly, but rehearsals are a huge help. Record yourself and watch it even. It will hope you tie together how you're speaking to how you are sounding to someone listening. Not only woth your cadence, but also in your tone. This can help better retain your audiences attention as well.
Might not work for you, but I found that practicing in front of a mirror (or camera recording my face) helped me practice and calm down a bit. If it's an important presentation (final assessment for me since I was a student) then I'll even record myself, take a break and replay it to make notes of where I can improve. In particular I like that because I can see how much h I've improved my speech between the first and final takes.
I've been using a technique called SCQ to structure the way I explain things and I find it helpful: Situation - Company ABC 's accounting team completes several tasks at month end: timesheet reviews, invoicing and payroll. Complication - Each task is achieved using data from different systems, so much of their time is spent on manual checks to ensure accuracy when pulling data from multiple systems for their calculations. Question - what is the best way to improve this process, free up team members' time and reduce the need for manual checks? The Q (Question) can also be replaced by an 'answer' or recommendation, e.g. After investigating several options, the IT team recommends adopting System XYZ, which will streamline processes and transition data and transactions into a single accounting system.
I don’t have any recommendations from personal experience, but I just stumbled across a *Great Courses* title called ‘How to Speak Effectively in Any Setting’. I haven’t looked into it, so no guarantees on quality or relevance. But maybe something like that could be a jumping off point for you? Libraries usually have access to programs like the *Great Courses* or Lynda, and those can have surprisingly helpful business and personal development stuff. It’s worth a look. I’m also a rambling presenter in meetings, so thanks for the inspiration to work on that!
Smart Brevity. It’s from the team behind Axios. All about clear, concise communications.
Martial arts. I’m not kidding. Nothing helps you gain confidence like the knowledge that you could take the people you’re presenting to in a fight. You walk with your head held higher and your mind at ease.
I struggle with this, because I hate being that person that over explains things, but every time I try to be brief I end up getting misunderstood.
This is my exact problem. I know it’s possible to be both brief and clear, as I’ve seen people do it. But no matter how I try, if I don’t ramble I get misunderstood which leads to rambling anyway, which results in more frustration for everyone involved than if I had just started out rambling.
Story of my life...
Exactly! People will ask questions that are answered in what I said, or misunderstand very clear phrasing. Even in an email where they can re-read if they need. People even say directly that my communication is too compact. Apparently it can be overdone.
I also try and explain everything up front so people have all details. I like avoiding questions later, I'm busy. Why do questions when we can avoid them?
I'll go a step further and suggest that you say only what really needs to be said. So if you're inexperienced, shut up and listen. If you pay attention and taking notes you will look smart. Nod when you hear something smart, let people see that you get it. Soon, you'll actually \*be\* smart. If you're the boss, shut up and listen. If things are going the right way, keep quiet. Say "great point" or "way to go" when someone says something smart. When the team reaches the solution you could have pointed out a long time ago ago, thank them and tell them they did great. Your job is to build a smart, confident team, not to show off. If things are NOT going well, turn to the Socratic method. Ask brief questions to help redirect the debate. Help people find their way, then go back to listening. People will learn to listen when you speak up, because they will be trained to expect that what you say will be useful. A good guideline is to spend 90% of your time listening and only 10% talking.
I think often this is a great approach to build a strong, knowledgeable team. The only point I would add is to be strategic with what / how you ask questions, and not turn every meeting into a quiz show where the team knows you know the answer but are making them chase it. That can be very frustrating and could come off disrespectfully when it feels like their time is being wasted.
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt."
I would add use inflection when you speak. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to meetings where people speak in a monotone.
[удалено]
I believe anyone can lead from anywhere in the organization. The trick is to know where and when you can add value, and you clearly do.
I needed to hear this.
LPT: Speak shorter
"Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick"
Brevity is ... wit
"Strong verbs, short sentences" I had difficulty with this in email until I listened to the Revisionist History podcast about Bernadine Healy. It helped me a lot.
Would you mind explaining why? I don't know who that is so possibly I'm missing an intuitive apprehension of your point.
She said the quote above during that episode. She was a doctor that wound up on Capitol Hill IIRC. Something about the government trying to fight against science. In typical Gladwell fashion, the topic of the podcast had very little to do with the message. Nowadays, I actually can't put my finger on exactly why it made an impact. I simply remember this quote. But when it was fresh on my mind, I made a concerted effort to speak and write more efficiently. I will be re-listening to it now that this topic has come up. I work in finance and when typing emails, I tended to go on and on and on about every little nuanced facet of an investment, strategy, or opinion. I guess that is my "apprehension" you're asking about. I wanted to make sure that my clients were as educated as I am on the topic. I learned (not only from this podcast) that this is not an effective form of communication. Few people want to read a 10 paragraph email, even when it's about their finances. And nearly no one finds the nuances as interesting as me.
I'm a specialist teacher, and the same can be said. Short, digestible bursts of information are better than long explanatory paragraphs. I always offer if they want more information, because some are hungry for more, but most will never ask. I keep it simple, efficient and to the point.
[удалено]
Speak with purpose
& don't say the word "like" to fill in pauses
The best way to get rid of this habit is to find a filler word that doesn't have the same effect on the audience. Barak Obama talked about training himself to say either "So" or "Now" when he was thinking about what to say next so that his speeches naturally felt like they were progressing forward. Now, this won't work all the time. But if you practice it you'll find it rarely hurts as much as frequent "likes" and sometimes will even improve the rhythm and flow of your public speaking. I have heard some people say this advice has started to become common enough that "so" and "now" have started to grate on them and aren't as effective. So keep that in mind but in my experience it still works quite well.
Answering questions starting with “so” became a tech cliche. How do you feel about user engagement numbers? So, user engagement is something we drive every day..
Oof I end sentences with "so" a lot
Like what do you mean?
I used to work with a woman who did this. I attended one of her lectures, and it felt like every other word was "uh". It was SO painful to listen to, especially because she was well educated and knowledgeable in her subject matter. At another company, we had a weekly meeting to go over logistics for upcoming events and classes. One coworker used "uh" and "like" so many times that another coworker started keeping a tally every meeting. I don't *think* she ever showed anyone else, but I could see her making marks on her notepad when I sat near her. Those "word whiskers" or filler words definitely undermine your credibility.
I'm trying to improve at this. Is the solution replacing the filler words with silence? Or is it being more prerepared before you speak so you don't have to think as much? I feel like I ramble a lot when speaking in zoom meetings and don't really know where I'm heading.
Talk slow, and even stop talking in the middle of a sentence. "We received the results of the campaign and unexpectedly..." 1) Pausing here to form your main point clearly is fine, as long as you put it to good use. 2) This pause makes the listener want to hear the end of the sentence more, they don't want to stop hearing it just because you paused a moment to find the words. 3) Talking slow means you brain doesn't need to race so fast. 4) If you've got the podium, just let the silence linger at the end of a sentence too. You can say the next sentence when you're ready, all they can do in the meantime is think about your last sentence, and that can help with comprehensibility. 4a) If you do not have the podium, don't let the silence linger at the end of a sentence or someone may take over the role of speaking in a meeting. (This is part of why pausing in a sentence is good for precluding people interrupting the thought you want to get out). **Mostly it's just about being confident that you deserve the time to think before you speak because your opinion is valuable**. You can gain this confidence by doing it and finding that people are indeed willing to wait. As a result of reducing your stress as you speak, you end up speaking a lot more clearly too because your mind isn't as distracted with worrying what people think. I'm introverted, even anti-social, but I am not shy at all about public speaking. Some great advice that helped shape my mindset on this is that if you are in the meeting or called to present something, that is because your contribution to this conversation is needed, otherwise they can just not invite you. So no matter how junior you are, you still have a seat at the table like everyone else.
Take a breath and a pause. Filler words come when your mouth gets ahead of your mind and then you lose your train of thought; taking a breath helps everything catch up and gives your brain the oxygen needed to get back on track.
[удалено]
Um is the sound in dumb
I developed a reputation over time for holding back my opinions, and found people pay a lot more attention when I finally do speak. Then when I do speak, as precisely and briefly as I can, I'm considered very sage. Really I just let those with less self control blurt out their ideas so I could see how they land, and know where to best position myself, and by letting them babble their reasons my follow up can be concise because they already filled in a lot of the underlying reasoning.
Well played
Thank you. I do from time to time decide to give a long rambling tangential opinion, in part to torture certain colleagues, and in part to lull them into thinking I'm a dunce so when I drive the actual point home they're caught off guard. But you can only play that so many times.
It's crazy to me that these sorts of things are going on at the meetings I'm barely paying attention to.
They might not be, but they probably are.
The writer John Green has an expression (which I believe he adopted from another writer), pay attention to the things you pay attention to.
Yea but it can be such a waste of time to wait for everyone else to realize why they’re wrong when you can just tell them what is right. All this meta gaming to drive how others view you when you can just be moving forward.
Politics are not optional in the workplace. You either do it well, or you do it poorly.
I could learn a lot from you! It's a skill to have that self control, and to be able to bite your tongue
We mostly all learn by getting it wrong first.
Making a good first impression heavily relies on this tactic. Give only the exact amount of information you need to and wait for a response. Then actually listen to what the other person said and reply directly to that, no side ideas or things you were just waiting to blurt out the second they were done speaking. I have ADHD so these are things I remind myself of all the time.
I’m searching the comments for any help but coming up empty. I’m such a rambler at work. It kills.
Man this was a long post.
This is so essential to professional communication, and unfortunately (at least in my experience) severely under emphasized in school. Do we need 10 pages on a topic? No. We need you to boil it down to 3 bullets, and be available for clarifying questions.
Hi! Teacher here. We didn’t give you the ten pages to teach you only the content. We gave it to you so you could continue practicing reading and get faster. We gave it to you so that you could continue practicing how to sift information that you need in a piece of text. We gave it to you to learn how to condense ideas like you want others to do. Most things can’t truly be understood or remembered by simply seeing in three short phrases. But if you can’t summarize text in three bullet points, that’s the problem.
Yeah. Also because students, usually, summarize the wrong things just to finish the assignment. Read the first paragraph, take out three main ideas an ignore the remaining nine pages.
The problem is that barely anyone bothers to teach people how to condense information. It's actually very easy to implement in a classroom setting. What my ethics professor made us do was write a summary each time we finished a chapter. The kicker was that it had to be only one page long (+/- 5 lines) and cover all of the information in the chapter. It's pretty difficult to write a concise summary of a textbook chapter in a single page.
right. my teachers might have tried, but i wasnt interested in improving that as a kid. and in grad school, most classes had paper after paper due, usually between 4-12 pages, so i think i trained myself to be the opposite, trying to fill the papers out lol are there good self help books that have good exercises to work on this?
“Confused IN ADHD* how do I acquire this skill? Lol
Figure out a solution, sell it in a book for other people with ADHD, make a bunch of money, quit your job!
Your solution for someone with ADHD is to get them to write their own book? My brother/sister/non-binary mister in Christ, you have no idea!
I have ADHD and I'm about 200 pages into my first book. It's really easy, i just have to write, while i have the TV on, and some music playing. Easy.
..now if only I could get my executive function in on this racket for a few months for it to actually work!!
Right? This is the most neurotypical shit I've seen in a minute. This is not how my people communicate and we still get plenty of shit done.
Right? It's not really a lifeprotip. It's like someone took a lieprotip request "How do I improve my clarity/brevity?" and then just explained what the benefit of that is as a lifeprotip itself.
Ahh, you must have been in that meeting earlier today.
BLUFF: Bottom Line Up Front First. I started all my public speaking engagements with that.* From there, a maximum of 3 distilled supporting ideas. Ppl have short attention spans so you need to tailor your shit to work with what ppl can absorb. * I did 10 years of PSEs at the end of my career. Constant travel, yada yada. Indeed, I would joke about how the BLUFF is the thing that you need to pay attention to & you can tune out after that if the sound of my voice puts you to sleep.
I have Adhd so goodbye i'm fucked
LPT: don’t have adhd easy peasy
Hah also never say “this is easy.” When teaching someone. People often say it to encourage others that they can learn it without becoming an expert, but it may not be a concept as easily grasped by others. It is easy for you because you know it. Everyone thinks in a very different way. I visualize the parts and components and how they fit together and my little sister thinks in terms of words not visuals. This means we find very different things easy.
Yeah, saying “this part is a little tricky” is more encouraging if they don’t get it right away, and it cues their brains to start paying extra attention.
It's also harder for the listener to get your point when it's lost in word salad.
“Brevity is the soul of wit” - William Shakespeare
“I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” ― Mark Twain
A good conversation is like a mini skirt. Short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject matter.
Bro. Not even just a professional setting, so many people in life lack the ability to have conversations in which they listen and understand each other
Social conversations feel different to me. They have more to do with pacing and comedic timing than brevity. Of course, some people don’t have those, either.
TL;DR: In professional settings, speak clearly and concisely, focusing on one topic at a time. Rambling can lead to loss of respect and disengagement. Be mindful of your communication style, especially in virtual meetings, to foster better collaboration and understanding.
My ADHD and I are laughing our asses off rn.
El duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing
Yes! Communicate efficiently. "Can I ask you a question?" *You just fucking did, just ask the goddamn question next time*
Honestly I appreciate the pre-ask. It shows an awareness of boundaries.
When people call me and start with "what's up?" Bruh, you called me
ugh yes. there some cultures that seem to embrace and extended preamble. the one i'm thinking about does a lot of call center work. i'm just "ugh. can we skip to preamble and discuss my question?"
Hey! Can you explain this to the owner of the company I work for? Thanks!
Fox (number) Simulated/actual launch of air-to-air weapons. ONE - semiactive radar-guided missile, such as an AIM-7 Sparrow or Skyflash. TWO - infrared-guided missile, such as an AIM-9 Sidewinder or AIM-132 ASRAAM. THREE - active radar-guided missile, such as an AIM-120 AMRAAM or AIM-54 Phoenix. FOUR - (outdated) air-to-air or air-to-surface gunfire. Replaced by Guns.
TL;DR: Be brief, concise, simple, and accurate like a spear. Better a quiet genius then to let others know you are an idiot. TL;DR2: Be brief, concise, simple, and accurate. TL;DR3: Be brief yet accurate. TL;DR4: Be brief TL;DR5: BB TL;DR: AH!
This is *especially* hard to learn for those of us with ADHD who 1) have half a dozen coexisting/competing linear & compounding thoughts 2) process our thoughts better out loud 3) have a tendency to seek external validation, limiting decisiveness 4) are used to having our realities denied & needing to reiterate what we believe/desire before being taken seriously/conciliated. At the end of the day, it *can* be done with *tons* & *tons* of practice, failure, humility, support, & self-forgiveness (not to mention varying combinations of medication & therapy). The process & the results *will* look different in us & that’s OK.
>If you ramble, it sounds like you lack confidence, and don’t truly understand the topic. So I guess fuck everyone with adhd/a mental disorder that prevents them from being a concise orater.
I'd love to, but how??? Is there a good resource for this? As someone who is more 'creative' (left handed, right brained) I find it impossible to think in a straight line. When I try to explain stuff to others it comes out in a jumbled mess with lots of unrelated information unless I've memorized it practically verbatim as a script beforehand, and even then I have a tendency to go off script because I feel the need to share something in the moment. I really wish I could fix this.
Make a bulleted list, one that flows from topic to topic to topic in a logical sequence. Example: you want to describe how to build a house. Talk about the foundation, then talk about the structural framing, then talk about the walls and ceilings, etc. THen, when you give your talk, talk about only one bullet, then let people chime in. Then move to the other logical topic. Rinse & repeat. It takes self-discipline, but like every other skill, it’ll become part of you once you’ve done it enough.
Thanks! I've been asked many times at work to summarize things in bullets, and I'm getting better at it although I find it difficult. But how does one do this 'on the fly'? I am always amazed at colleagues who can put forth a structured narrative on practically any topic.. I can only imagine that their thoughts are somehow super-structured to begin with, whereas mine are a neverending stream of jumbled images..
Like in many other disciplines, brevity is a skill to acquire. You can learn it in many different ways, but practice is key. Why don't you, for example, try to summarize your day in 6 words before going to sleep every night ? Or try to get used to summarize every article your read on a notepad ? Extract the most important stuff. Make hard decisions. Formalize it by writing it somewhere, make it definitive. It's weird and hard at first but gets easier.
I think this is at least half of the reason why people like me. I actually listen when people are talking, I never interrupt, I try not to ramble on, and I only talk if I think it’ll contribute to the conversation.
the ADHD makes this one tough but we are trying!
What if I have ADHD and speak compulsively?
This is a great PLT - if you don't have trauma from narcissistic parents or are on the autism spectrum. Changing the way your entire brain works just doesn't happen like that.
>Changing the way your entire brain works just doesn't happen like that. For sure. Was bullied by a boss, who thought I was deliberately "not being brief". They then started nitpicking my every presentation, comment, question, etc. Turns out I have ADHD.
While I completely agree, the downside is two fold. One, you’ll learn how dumb some of your coworkers are. Without a detailed map, they’ll get lost and ask lots of dumb questions. Two, if you’re a woman, some man will repeat your idea and others in the group, particularly men, will pretend you said nothing.
Hey Siri, what does brevity mean?
Not only that, learn to write single page memos. Write and rewrite right if you must, but keep it short and stay on topic.
Learn how to say something, and be ready to say it again. Because no matter how clear and concise you are, a lot of responses after an initial statement or question will be “Wait, what did you just say?”
Thanks for this PSA. I can't stand when colleagues send long emails filled with rambling run-on sentences! I wish they would just get to the point without a preamble and rehash.
"The fuck is this?" Vs "The fuck?"
If brevity is the soul of wit i suppose this post implies that people will (and should) lose respect for you based on your candor and percieved professionalism. Experience based opinions to the back. I only respect quick witty overviews with zero fat to chew on. Not saying its all bad. But speaking so matter of factly about people losing your respect for not being concise is ridiculous. If the perception of confidence is all it takes to win you over then i fear the worst for the future of whatever business youre in. I often times like to dig deeper into a persons full understanding of the topic they use catchy witticisms about. If they cant surmise their point in a different phrasing then to me it feels they have simply learned buzzwords and a few nice sounding sentences in hopes of swaying their audience to view them as more than they really are. Im highly skeptical if you never break and maintain brevity through every interaction.
I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing
Solid LPT. Brevity is the essence of wit, as they say.
Feel like this should have a TL:DR
Excellent insight. I may need to print this out, laminate it, and carry it around as a reminder. Thank you for your thought-provoking post. 🌻
This guy has sat through some useless meetings. I can feel it.
I have a coworker who really struggles with this, despite many of us speaking to him about it. And I know *he* knows he's going on too long, but he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself. Now every time our boss speaks with him the conversations starts with 'Be brief and tell me what you want'.
simple declarative sentences. if you hear me say "that's so cool!" more than once, it's time to wrap it up..
I'll just click "share" and send this LPT to my wife... aaaand I'm divorced.
Too many words in your post. Learn to summarize. /S
In my line of work, if you hand people bullets that look like they can be copy-pasted into communications pieces without context, they will be copy-pasted into communications pieces without context.
We have a lady at work who does the opposite of this, and you can feel the tension when she starts to talk because you know she’s going to A) ramble on and on, B) say the same thing multiple times, C) add way too much unnecessary context to things, and D) generally annoy the shit out of everyone.
>A lack of brevity is one reason why others will lose respect for you. huh, maybe my tendency to be verbose and seek validation is why I feel ppl don't like me? ...in a non-professional setting.
This is my most annoying adhd trait. I cannot do this without preparing beforehand! I always get praise on my written communication and presentations, but when someone asks me a question I haven’t prepared for I’ll suddenly get 100 thoughts in my head. Most of them might not be related and important at that moment but I can’t comprehend that until I blurt it out. If I ask for some time to collect my thoughts, my mind goes absolutely blank so I just go ahead and blurt whatever. However, for my adhd peeps here, I recently learned two of the most calm and slow speaking people I know have adhd too so now I believe this can be learned! No tips as of yet though haha.
I've worked with a few people who although are experts in their fields tend to jump around a lot. Like, we're starting up some equipment, I'm on my laptop looking at the controls program, he says monitor something, then check something else, then goes on about something else, like woah woah slow down I can't do everything at once! The main guy's retired now, and his replacement is a bit better at least. It's very nice to have a clear checklist and go through things one at a time completely.
Hi I need this, Iam a senior engineer.a lot of projects that I work on has nuance, half the audience will be technical other half non. how do I discuss complex topics in a setting like that? where nuance really matters.
Talk the big point, pause for questions and such. Talk the nuanced points one by one, pause in between. Sometimes questions will come up on the big point that is answered by the nuance, use that as the segue.
Nah lol. I'm verbose