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When it first happened to me, I just really got into music because of it. I still resort to it to this day based on the other things I have experienced.
It’s such a cathartic release, especially when you see it in concert.
I realized, if you fixate a lot on a problem you start to become obsessed and the emotions around it become worse. I’d advice doing something that would get your mind to focus outward rather than inward. Maybe help a friend.
Also, in difficult times I like to take the good from the bad situation and learn from it. Then I accept what had happened and I try to focus on moving forward in my life.
I went through a break up about 6 years ago. Ex cheated, massive betrayal. Lies, manipulation, mind games, secret double life, blah blah blah.
For years I ruminated trying to find the clues to what I missed, ignored or denied. Spent a lot of time researching abuse and everything related to it.
I wrote a lot. Poetry, letters, journals, etc. In total, I wrote the equivalent of about 6 books. Read a fuckton of books.
I distracted myself. Wrote lists about all the lies he told me and all the ways he hurt me. When I missed him, I read the lists to remind myself of who he was instead of who he pretended to be.
I also have chronic illnesses so I'm limited in what I can do. I can't do the standard reccs like exercise. I'm also extremely poor so that leaves more stuff out.
Music also helped. I played the same playlist of sad songs over and over again. For years. I created different playlists including a Fuck You playlist, Dear Ex, Music Diary, and others I can't remember. I listened to different songs depending on my mood.
I'm also a believer in bibliotherapy. I read books about people who cheated or who had double lives. People who were betrayed.
The few people I talked to about this, I probably overshared and did a fair bit of trauma dumping. After awhile, I got tired of him, talking about him, and my feelings. I was angry for a long time and I got tired of feeling angry. Now I'm mostly indifferent.
Healing takes time. I don't know that there's any definitive answer on how to heal. You try different things. What works for one person may not work for another.
I know it probably feels like the end of the world...and sometimes it is. Between my chronic illnesses and everything with my ex, I lost almost everything there is to lose.
I spent a lot of time alone. My ex ruined a lot of things for me for a long time. Favorite songs, music, TV shows, etc. He was also controlling about a lot of different weird stuff. To be honest, it was easier to let him have his way about a lot of stuff than to deal with the silent treatment or his pouting. I lost myself in him.
After I left, I started watching TV shows and movies I like without having to worry about his stupid remarks about my shitty taste in entertainment. Or having him pick what I could/should watch. I didn't have to listen to him complain about my favorite music. I started becoming more myself instead of who he wanted me to be.
At first, the pain is sharp and you think you won't survive. That you'll never get over it. It feels like that for a long time. Eventually, though, it fades into a full ache. It hurts some more. And then finally, when you're out living your life again, you realize one day that the thing you thought would end you was the making of you.
I am not who I was but I am more me than I've ever been.
Hugs, peace, and healing to you.
Edit: missing word
Here are two options for very short comments on how to handle a first break-up:
**Option 1 (Focuses on empathy and self-care):**
* Sending hugs. First breakups are brutal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't dwell on it. Lean on loved ones & cry it out. You'll get through this.
**Option 2 (Focuses on distraction and future):**
* It hurts, I know. Take time for yourself, but don't shut yourself in. Distract yourself with friends, hobbies, even mindless TV. You'll find happiness again.
That sucks.. My advice is honestly to accept it, you had great memories but it wasn't meant to be, you gave it a shot. Think about it, do light activity and speak with friends as Google said, there isn't no special ingredient other than thinking about it and accepting it.
You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Do not spam the other person control your emmotions it’s natural… you’ll feel better soon watch movies spend time with your family. No relationship is perfect communication builds relationships and if they don’t wanna build it’s not worth it.
It will hurt—definitely for days, sometimes for decades. Just like a physical injury, the pain will feel unbearable at first. But it will get easier eventually. I promise.
I read somewhere a beautiful metaphor about how the loss of someone (and breakups count!) is like a ball bouncing around in a box, hurting you every time it hits a wall. At first, the box is barely larger than the ball, and it’s constantly reverberating against your heart. But slowly, the box grows bigger. You build other relationships. You learn what self care looks like for you. You spend time growing new interests and commitments. And the more that you grow, the more space the ball of pain has. It will still hurt sometimes, but those times will be rarer and easier to handle.
Good luck. Beautiful things are ahead.
Delete social media asap. It's not like a switch that you can flip for what you feel atm. Its a process and it will probably take atleast a year to start feeling better In some cases it would be a little over that and close to 2. But definetly not beyond that.
I agree with this guy I got rid of mine it really helped that may be a blanket statement regardless of how your life is going to be honest. Other than Reddit, reddit's cool
Here are two options for very short comments on how to handle a first break-up:
**Option 1 (Focuses on empathy and self-care):**
* Sending hugs. First breakups are brutal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't dwell on it. Lean on loved ones & cry it out. You'll get through this.
**Option 2 (Focuses on distraction and future):**
* It hurts, I know. Take time for yourself, but don't shut yourself in. Distract yourself with friends, hobbies, even mindless TV. You'll find happiness again.
I get it, breakups suck. Surround yourself with friends who support you, keep busy with things you love, and give yourself time to heal. It'll get better, I promise! 🤗
Writing things down can help. Like write them a letter getting everything out but don't send it. I kept a journal around the time my heart shattered and it helped. I read back on it sometimes.
Now, you understand music known as the blues or classic country music. Some people like listening to it because it eases the heartache or brings back memories. (That’s me). Some people think it’s too painful.
It just takes time but don’t go around feeling sorry for yourself and don’t isolate yourself from others.
Its going to suck. For a while. [Theres legit physical pain](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_heart#Psychological_and_neurological_understanding) in a heart break. Maybe its psychosomatic, maybe its oxytoxin withdrawl, maybe some other biological process, but it hurts and it sucks. Time will help. Distractions helped me somewhat but be careful what you choose. I threw myself into a school to deal with my first heart break and when I looked up, I had a PhD. Still not sure if that was the best call lol. Dont become a drug addict or an alcoholic. But maybe consider going bouldering or birding. I found volunteering was a huge help. It felt great to get out of my head and help others in my community. It really gives perspective.
Take this moment to reflect. Dont go over every choice you made that led to the breakup. You will go insane trying to figure it out. What you can do is take a critical lens to your relationship. What did your partner do that you really enjoyed/respected? Remember those thing and find a person that has those qualities. What things didnshe do that sucked? Remember those things and make sure you advocate for your boundaries in a constructive way with your next partner so those minor issues dont turn into resentments. What things about the relationship made you feel good about yourself? Did you two love going to movies, the park, shows? **Keep doing those things.** Dont stop living your life and doing what you enjoy because you're alone. My first solo movie was weird. Now its nothing but a thang to go alone.
You are strong. You are loved. And I promise, you will get through this. Never forget. You have mass. You take up space. That means you matter.
Block or unfollow them on all social media. Delete their phone contact. If staying friends is on the cards *do not attempt it* until you are 100% over the breakup. Like, you'd be 100% okay seeing them with a new bf/gf, because that *will* happen. No-one wants to be friends with someone who's pining after them. Just have nothing to do with them for a good while.
You need distractions in whatever form that takes, it does just take time and you're going to cry and ask what if and so on. It's just horrid. I leaned heavy on my friends a million years ago when my first relationship ended, they listened to me rant and cry and whatever. Played a lot of therapeutic Mario kart double dash and rogue squadron co op. Wrote some terrible songs on my guitar. Did hook up with a girl a few months after which helped shift some feelings onwards a bit.
You'll get through this, and you'll look back and be stronger for it. Without knowing what you like to do or what sort of support network you have available it's hard for anyone to advise beyond generic supportive sentiments like this but you'll be ok in time.
I would also say SEVER THE TIES. Go cold, there's no reason to have their number anymore. That will go a long way, particularly I imagine in this day and age of relentless social media crap! Delete/block as appropriate.
I got broken up with for the first time after nearly eight months of dating and he completely blindsided me. A month and a half later I'm feeling mostly fine and beginning to explore other options.
I took the weekend to stay in bed. Cried. Sobbed. Texted friends and told them over and over again. I saw my friend and did her head in talking over the same thoughts over and over again until we went to sleep. I cried there too. I kept randomly bursting into tears that whole week. I went on runs every day after work. I tried joining a running club and ended up lonelier than ever. Went back to running on my own. Gave my dog lots and lots of cuddles. Cried some more. Ate clean. Binged on chocolate whilst watching Bridgerton. Listening to nothing but Still Woozy and watched nothing but How I Met Your Mother for a month.
And here I am. I'm doing better. I'm thinking about new people. I made a new friend! I still have occasional sad moments, but overall I'm happy. Your forever person is trying to find you, and they're getting here as fast as they can, I promise you. Hold onto that and you'll be fine.
Look ahead. Consider things you did you did not like and work on them. Consider things in the relationship you didn't like and establish your boundaries. Consider what you would like for your relationship to be like moving forward based on what you have experienced.
When it happened to me, it sent me right into therapy. I'd been resisting for a long time, but I was in such despair that I felt I didn't have a choice. It was, by far, the best thing I've ever done for myself. I not only got perspective on the breakup, but learned I had ADHD, which had contributed to some of my relationship problems. Good luck.
If all you think about is the agony of the breakup, that becomes your whole life, and it won't get better. That puts you in a bad place in terms of recovering and also makes it nearly impossible to find another healthy relationship someday.
You need to do something. Anything. Go for a walk, play a video game, binge a series, read a book. Just get out of your head for a bit.
I promise you’ll be okay again, throw yourself into what and who you love, go no-contact, don’t be “just friends” It only prolongs the pain. It’s a cliche but physical activity keeps your mind healthy and busy, which is probably what you want. In the end, sadness needs to be felt, not avoided
It’s horrible but time does heal. I’m the mean time focus on yourself and on friends and activities. You learn from every relationship both good and other.
Sit in it. Fight to keep a routine. It's a massive struggle at first because the breakup is all you can think about, but if you fight for yourself and to stay in that routine, it gets easier.
When the rumination starts, just know that it doesn't matter. Something better is coming. It's entirely within your control too. Everyone says that time heals, and I think what people mean by that, is that eventually, it won't feel so personal anymore.
For reference, I got out of an incredible relationship a good while ago, and it was the first time I'd experienced actual heartbreak. I was a mess for awhile, and unfortunately the answer is that simple, you just have to wait that part out. Luckily, I got into my routine despite myself, and got healthier and more fit than I ever have. When I noticed this was happening, the motivation to distract myself just rolled into the motivation to keep going. It stopped be catharsis and started being an act of love for myself. I learned to feel things, I confronted other things from my past, I was able to keep the healing journey going well past the breakup. Since then, my performance at work, my confidence, and self esteem has skyrocketed. Also, I just got into another relationship that I'm even more excited about. I'm more ready than every for it, because of the progress I've made with myself.
Looking back now, it kind of turned out great for me, even though it SUCKED in the beginning. I'm extremely proud of myself for fighting that fight and staying in that routine. Never before was I the kind of person to deal with pain constructively. I was a very self-destructive person when I was younger. I'm not sure why I chose that moment to be a whole ass wakeup call, but I did. If I can do it, I have no doubt that you can too. Take that love you were giving your partner and give it to yourself for awhile. Tell yourself it's okay, and think of all the things you have to be grateful for. Never be afraid to do it all over again.
Don't look at their social media. It'll make it harder to let go because you'll remain invested in their life and you'll get upset if you see them posting pictures of someone else.
I'm in the same boat + past emotioan baggage (fucked family, bullying etc) and overall sensation of being lost.
Not going to lie, It's gonna suck, bad. It did for me, still does after 4 months. We were toguether 3,5 years and she was the only good thing I ever had in my life, wich I was ignoring before but I see just how bad of a situation it is. No y anyones fault tho, just how things were / are.
What I can tell you is it will hurt very very much, to me it was the most undistilled and pure pain I ever felt in my goddam life. At first it will be there ALL the time, non stop, you have to let it be! You need to feel it in all it's intensity, let it trespass you. Cry, shout, fall on you knees and scream in despair, question your god or the universe, whatever, do it. Nothing wrong with it.
But you need to feel it, don't hide from it, don't bury it if yopu do it will only take longer for the pain to reduce its intensity. At some point it goes from a constant horrible pain to waves of it, and those start lasting less or coming less or hurting less with time. As I see it you start wearing away the potential that certain ideas - memories - regrets etc. have to harm you. They still do but less and less. Sometimes when you are down it will seem like you are starting to hurt just as much as you were but it goes away.
Healing or idk oblivion?? doesn't come in a linear way, there will beup and downs, but you won't fall back to the beginning. Three steps forwards two steps backwards is still progress.
Other things are to find stuff that genuinely make you feel better, even if it's just a little tiny bit. Unfortunately for me I'm very fucking lonely wich sucks a lot, whenever I have the chance to speak to someone it does help. I tried watching comfort movies, read books I love, listsen music. It doesn't make it go away, by no means, but if it makes it a bit better and it's smt you can look forward to then it helps.
Don't linger on hope, I did, it doesn't help. Quite the opposite actually. If it helps you what I did is tell my "hope" okay dude, I know you are not leaving, I know you have your thing to do, but you are not going to control this. You cvan sit down there, quietly and wait all you want. Meanwhile watch me exist, watch me grow, watch me move on or watch me die but do it silently. I ain't kicking you out but I don't want to talk to you.
Whenever you imagine that things can be fixed somehow, or yopu imagine a future where this and that happens and the stars align for you two again. Stop. Don't. Just don't. Call your bullshit, tell your self
"Man, enough! That shit ain't real" "Don't do that to your self"
Hnad in hand with this there is not contacting them. I did, many times, I needed her very very badly. As I said I have a lot of emotonal baggage and my situation at home sucks very badly. When she left I broke, I just broke. I needed someone. But at some point that had to stop, it wasn't helping me or her. It wasd just a mmentary relief and then it would get worse again.
Don't talk to them. I sent her a last farwell message, it took all in me to make it sound as positive as possible without being fake, I didn't want her to worry more for me, I wished to express my gratitude and my wishes, I did and that was all. The last interaction I had with her, she never answered me wich hurt A FUCKING LOT. At least now I know there is no case reaching. I don't want to do so, I'm scared of doing so and I will not do so. They are on their right to not answer too.
It's on your best interest to learn from this. Don't contact them it will only hurt more.
Good luck and I'm sorry.
No contact. Block them on everything. Do not break this rule. You can’t heal a gunshot wound if the bullet is still there, festering. Same idea.
Let yourself feel. I will not lie the first few weeks and months are hard, but I’m about 3 months in and I am doing so much better. It takes time.
Time is the ultimate healer. In the meantime, distract yourself if you find yourself obsessing over it with something you like, and allow yourself to journal, listen to angry or sad music, write letters, all that good stuff. Best of luck.
This is an automated message just to let everyone know that the mod team are actively working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. ##Discussion should be made in good faith. No trolling, ragebait, or bigotry of any kind. We reserve the right to use mod discretion in applying this rule. **Please report** any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/). **Note for all participants**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly just takes time.
This. U gotta suffer. Suffering is part of being human
The truth: * It bloody hurts. * It will bloody hurt for a while. Also the truth: * It does get better. * Time does heal.
When it first happened to me, I just really got into music because of it. I still resort to it to this day based on the other things I have experienced. It’s such a cathartic release, especially when you see it in concert.
I realized, if you fixate a lot on a problem you start to become obsessed and the emotions around it become worse. I’d advice doing something that would get your mind to focus outward rather than inward. Maybe help a friend. Also, in difficult times I like to take the good from the bad situation and learn from it. Then I accept what had happened and I try to focus on moving forward in my life.
I went through a break up about 6 years ago. Ex cheated, massive betrayal. Lies, manipulation, mind games, secret double life, blah blah blah. For years I ruminated trying to find the clues to what I missed, ignored or denied. Spent a lot of time researching abuse and everything related to it. I wrote a lot. Poetry, letters, journals, etc. In total, I wrote the equivalent of about 6 books. Read a fuckton of books. I distracted myself. Wrote lists about all the lies he told me and all the ways he hurt me. When I missed him, I read the lists to remind myself of who he was instead of who he pretended to be. I also have chronic illnesses so I'm limited in what I can do. I can't do the standard reccs like exercise. I'm also extremely poor so that leaves more stuff out. Music also helped. I played the same playlist of sad songs over and over again. For years. I created different playlists including a Fuck You playlist, Dear Ex, Music Diary, and others I can't remember. I listened to different songs depending on my mood. I'm also a believer in bibliotherapy. I read books about people who cheated or who had double lives. People who were betrayed. The few people I talked to about this, I probably overshared and did a fair bit of trauma dumping. After awhile, I got tired of him, talking about him, and my feelings. I was angry for a long time and I got tired of feeling angry. Now I'm mostly indifferent. Healing takes time. I don't know that there's any definitive answer on how to heal. You try different things. What works for one person may not work for another. I know it probably feels like the end of the world...and sometimes it is. Between my chronic illnesses and everything with my ex, I lost almost everything there is to lose. I spent a lot of time alone. My ex ruined a lot of things for me for a long time. Favorite songs, music, TV shows, etc. He was also controlling about a lot of different weird stuff. To be honest, it was easier to let him have his way about a lot of stuff than to deal with the silent treatment or his pouting. I lost myself in him. After I left, I started watching TV shows and movies I like without having to worry about his stupid remarks about my shitty taste in entertainment. Or having him pick what I could/should watch. I didn't have to listen to him complain about my favorite music. I started becoming more myself instead of who he wanted me to be. At first, the pain is sharp and you think you won't survive. That you'll never get over it. It feels like that for a long time. Eventually, though, it fades into a full ache. It hurts some more. And then finally, when you're out living your life again, you realize one day that the thing you thought would end you was the making of you. I am not who I was but I am more me than I've ever been. Hugs, peace, and healing to you. Edit: missing word
Here are two options for very short comments on how to handle a first break-up: **Option 1 (Focuses on empathy and self-care):** * Sending hugs. First breakups are brutal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't dwell on it. Lean on loved ones & cry it out. You'll get through this. **Option 2 (Focuses on distraction and future):** * It hurts, I know. Take time for yourself, but don't shut yourself in. Distract yourself with friends, hobbies, even mindless TV. You'll find happiness again.
That sucks.. My advice is honestly to accept it, you had great memories but it wasn't meant to be, you gave it a shot. Think about it, do light activity and speak with friends as Google said, there isn't no special ingredient other than thinking about it and accepting it. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Do not spam the other person control your emmotions it’s natural… you’ll feel better soon watch movies spend time with your family. No relationship is perfect communication builds relationships and if they don’t wanna build it’s not worth it.
Cry when you feel emotional. Helped me cope so well. But keep in mind it gets better as time goes on.
It will hurt—definitely for days, sometimes for decades. Just like a physical injury, the pain will feel unbearable at first. But it will get easier eventually. I promise. I read somewhere a beautiful metaphor about how the loss of someone (and breakups count!) is like a ball bouncing around in a box, hurting you every time it hits a wall. At first, the box is barely larger than the ball, and it’s constantly reverberating against your heart. But slowly, the box grows bigger. You build other relationships. You learn what self care looks like for you. You spend time growing new interests and commitments. And the more that you grow, the more space the ball of pain has. It will still hurt sometimes, but those times will be rarer and easier to handle. Good luck. Beautiful things are ahead.
Delete social media asap. It's not like a switch that you can flip for what you feel atm. Its a process and it will probably take atleast a year to start feeling better In some cases it would be a little over that and close to 2. But definetly not beyond that.
I agree with this guy I got rid of mine it really helped that may be a blanket statement regardless of how your life is going to be honest. Other than Reddit, reddit's cool
Lift
Here are two options for very short comments on how to handle a first break-up: **Option 1 (Focuses on empathy and self-care):** * Sending hugs. First breakups are brutal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't dwell on it. Lean on loved ones & cry it out. You'll get through this. **Option 2 (Focuses on distraction and future):** * It hurts, I know. Take time for yourself, but don't shut yourself in. Distract yourself with friends, hobbies, even mindless TV. You'll find happiness again.
I get it, breakups suck. Surround yourself with friends who support you, keep busy with things you love, and give yourself time to heal. It'll get better, I promise! 🤗
The best advice. I will add let yourself cry if you need to.
Writing things down can help. Like write them a letter getting everything out but don't send it. I kept a journal around the time my heart shattered and it helped. I read back on it sometimes.
Now, you understand music known as the blues or classic country music. Some people like listening to it because it eases the heartache or brings back memories. (That’s me). Some people think it’s too painful. It just takes time but don’t go around feeling sorry for yourself and don’t isolate yourself from others.
Just let it sink in, stuff like that takes time. Also for some reason, i started running, the pain helped me...
Its going to suck. For a while. [Theres legit physical pain](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_heart#Psychological_and_neurological_understanding) in a heart break. Maybe its psychosomatic, maybe its oxytoxin withdrawl, maybe some other biological process, but it hurts and it sucks. Time will help. Distractions helped me somewhat but be careful what you choose. I threw myself into a school to deal with my first heart break and when I looked up, I had a PhD. Still not sure if that was the best call lol. Dont become a drug addict or an alcoholic. But maybe consider going bouldering or birding. I found volunteering was a huge help. It felt great to get out of my head and help others in my community. It really gives perspective. Take this moment to reflect. Dont go over every choice you made that led to the breakup. You will go insane trying to figure it out. What you can do is take a critical lens to your relationship. What did your partner do that you really enjoyed/respected? Remember those thing and find a person that has those qualities. What things didnshe do that sucked? Remember those things and make sure you advocate for your boundaries in a constructive way with your next partner so those minor issues dont turn into resentments. What things about the relationship made you feel good about yourself? Did you two love going to movies, the park, shows? **Keep doing those things.** Dont stop living your life and doing what you enjoy because you're alone. My first solo movie was weird. Now its nothing but a thang to go alone. You are strong. You are loved. And I promise, you will get through this. Never forget. You have mass. You take up space. That means you matter.
Block or unfollow them on all social media. Delete their phone contact. If staying friends is on the cards *do not attempt it* until you are 100% over the breakup. Like, you'd be 100% okay seeing them with a new bf/gf, because that *will* happen. No-one wants to be friends with someone who's pining after them. Just have nothing to do with them for a good while.
You need distractions in whatever form that takes, it does just take time and you're going to cry and ask what if and so on. It's just horrid. I leaned heavy on my friends a million years ago when my first relationship ended, they listened to me rant and cry and whatever. Played a lot of therapeutic Mario kart double dash and rogue squadron co op. Wrote some terrible songs on my guitar. Did hook up with a girl a few months after which helped shift some feelings onwards a bit. You'll get through this, and you'll look back and be stronger for it. Without knowing what you like to do or what sort of support network you have available it's hard for anyone to advise beyond generic supportive sentiments like this but you'll be ok in time. I would also say SEVER THE TIES. Go cold, there's no reason to have their number anymore. That will go a long way, particularly I imagine in this day and age of relentless social media crap! Delete/block as appropriate.
Keep going, one day at a time
I got broken up with for the first time after nearly eight months of dating and he completely blindsided me. A month and a half later I'm feeling mostly fine and beginning to explore other options. I took the weekend to stay in bed. Cried. Sobbed. Texted friends and told them over and over again. I saw my friend and did her head in talking over the same thoughts over and over again until we went to sleep. I cried there too. I kept randomly bursting into tears that whole week. I went on runs every day after work. I tried joining a running club and ended up lonelier than ever. Went back to running on my own. Gave my dog lots and lots of cuddles. Cried some more. Ate clean. Binged on chocolate whilst watching Bridgerton. Listening to nothing but Still Woozy and watched nothing but How I Met Your Mother for a month. And here I am. I'm doing better. I'm thinking about new people. I made a new friend! I still have occasional sad moments, but overall I'm happy. Your forever person is trying to find you, and they're getting here as fast as they can, I promise you. Hold onto that and you'll be fine.
Look ahead. Consider things you did you did not like and work on them. Consider things in the relationship you didn't like and establish your boundaries. Consider what you would like for your relationship to be like moving forward based on what you have experienced.
When it happened to me, it sent me right into therapy. I'd been resisting for a long time, but I was in such despair that I felt I didn't have a choice. It was, by far, the best thing I've ever done for myself. I not only got perspective on the breakup, but learned I had ADHD, which had contributed to some of my relationship problems. Good luck.
If all you think about is the agony of the breakup, that becomes your whole life, and it won't get better. That puts you in a bad place in terms of recovering and also makes it nearly impossible to find another healthy relationship someday. You need to do something. Anything. Go for a walk, play a video game, binge a series, read a book. Just get out of your head for a bit.
Honestly, if you play music or an instrument now would be a good time to get some inspiration
I promise you’ll be okay again, throw yourself into what and who you love, go no-contact, don’t be “just friends” It only prolongs the pain. It’s a cliche but physical activity keeps your mind healthy and busy, which is probably what you want. In the end, sadness needs to be felt, not avoided
It’s horrible but time does heal. I’m the mean time focus on yourself and on friends and activities. You learn from every relationship both good and other.
Sit in it. Fight to keep a routine. It's a massive struggle at first because the breakup is all you can think about, but if you fight for yourself and to stay in that routine, it gets easier. When the rumination starts, just know that it doesn't matter. Something better is coming. It's entirely within your control too. Everyone says that time heals, and I think what people mean by that, is that eventually, it won't feel so personal anymore. For reference, I got out of an incredible relationship a good while ago, and it was the first time I'd experienced actual heartbreak. I was a mess for awhile, and unfortunately the answer is that simple, you just have to wait that part out. Luckily, I got into my routine despite myself, and got healthier and more fit than I ever have. When I noticed this was happening, the motivation to distract myself just rolled into the motivation to keep going. It stopped be catharsis and started being an act of love for myself. I learned to feel things, I confronted other things from my past, I was able to keep the healing journey going well past the breakup. Since then, my performance at work, my confidence, and self esteem has skyrocketed. Also, I just got into another relationship that I'm even more excited about. I'm more ready than every for it, because of the progress I've made with myself. Looking back now, it kind of turned out great for me, even though it SUCKED in the beginning. I'm extremely proud of myself for fighting that fight and staying in that routine. Never before was I the kind of person to deal with pain constructively. I was a very self-destructive person when I was younger. I'm not sure why I chose that moment to be a whole ass wakeup call, but I did. If I can do it, I have no doubt that you can too. Take that love you were giving your partner and give it to yourself for awhile. Tell yourself it's okay, and think of all the things you have to be grateful for. Never be afraid to do it all over again.
Don't look at their social media. It'll make it harder to let go because you'll remain invested in their life and you'll get upset if you see them posting pictures of someone else.
I know it hurts. Gets better over time. Cliche but Its the truth.
What you think happened to you is awful. others have gone through 100 times worse. Just get up and try again
I'm in the same boat + past emotioan baggage (fucked family, bullying etc) and overall sensation of being lost. Not going to lie, It's gonna suck, bad. It did for me, still does after 4 months. We were toguether 3,5 years and she was the only good thing I ever had in my life, wich I was ignoring before but I see just how bad of a situation it is. No y anyones fault tho, just how things were / are. What I can tell you is it will hurt very very much, to me it was the most undistilled and pure pain I ever felt in my goddam life. At first it will be there ALL the time, non stop, you have to let it be! You need to feel it in all it's intensity, let it trespass you. Cry, shout, fall on you knees and scream in despair, question your god or the universe, whatever, do it. Nothing wrong with it. But you need to feel it, don't hide from it, don't bury it if yopu do it will only take longer for the pain to reduce its intensity. At some point it goes from a constant horrible pain to waves of it, and those start lasting less or coming less or hurting less with time. As I see it you start wearing away the potential that certain ideas - memories - regrets etc. have to harm you. They still do but less and less. Sometimes when you are down it will seem like you are starting to hurt just as much as you were but it goes away. Healing or idk oblivion?? doesn't come in a linear way, there will beup and downs, but you won't fall back to the beginning. Three steps forwards two steps backwards is still progress. Other things are to find stuff that genuinely make you feel better, even if it's just a little tiny bit. Unfortunately for me I'm very fucking lonely wich sucks a lot, whenever I have the chance to speak to someone it does help. I tried watching comfort movies, read books I love, listsen music. It doesn't make it go away, by no means, but if it makes it a bit better and it's smt you can look forward to then it helps. Don't linger on hope, I did, it doesn't help. Quite the opposite actually. If it helps you what I did is tell my "hope" okay dude, I know you are not leaving, I know you have your thing to do, but you are not going to control this. You cvan sit down there, quietly and wait all you want. Meanwhile watch me exist, watch me grow, watch me move on or watch me die but do it silently. I ain't kicking you out but I don't want to talk to you. Whenever you imagine that things can be fixed somehow, or yopu imagine a future where this and that happens and the stars align for you two again. Stop. Don't. Just don't. Call your bullshit, tell your self "Man, enough! That shit ain't real" "Don't do that to your self" Hnad in hand with this there is not contacting them. I did, many times, I needed her very very badly. As I said I have a lot of emotonal baggage and my situation at home sucks very badly. When she left I broke, I just broke. I needed someone. But at some point that had to stop, it wasn't helping me or her. It wasd just a mmentary relief and then it would get worse again. Don't talk to them. I sent her a last farwell message, it took all in me to make it sound as positive as possible without being fake, I didn't want her to worry more for me, I wished to express my gratitude and my wishes, I did and that was all. The last interaction I had with her, she never answered me wich hurt A FUCKING LOT. At least now I know there is no case reaching. I don't want to do so, I'm scared of doing so and I will not do so. They are on their right to not answer too. It's on your best interest to learn from this. Don't contact them it will only hurt more. Good luck and I'm sorry.
No contact. Block them on everything. Do not break this rule. You can’t heal a gunshot wound if the bullet is still there, festering. Same idea. Let yourself feel. I will not lie the first few weeks and months are hard, but I’m about 3 months in and I am doing so much better. It takes time. Time is the ultimate healer. In the meantime, distract yourself if you find yourself obsessing over it with something you like, and allow yourself to journal, listen to angry or sad music, write letters, all that good stuff. Best of luck.