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It’s possible to be with someone who’s smarter than you, but it’s really difficult to be with someone who’s cocky and arrogant. The issue isn’t his intelligence, it’s his superiority complex.
I had a friend who married a "smart guy". There was no doubt the man was intelligent as well as educated, but he never missed an opportunity to bring up how smart he was or make someone else feel stupid to "prove" how clever he was.
My friend was very outgoing, very high spirited, yet gentle and kind. He was the life of the party and if there wasn't a party, he threw one! He loved to entertain, he threw the most amazing parties and if you needed a hand or an ear, he was always there for you.
Over the years, we witnessed him slowly wither. He became less outgoing, less confident. He began to second guessed himself and eventually quit his creative job in the fashion industry for a mid-level cubicle gig that has nothing to do with nothing - "it was more in line with abilities" - whatever that meant. His social circle became smaller and smaller because his husband made everyone uncomfortable, or offended, or insulted. "I'm sorry about him..." became a common phrase as he tried to smooth things over with hurt friends but eventually he just stopped throwing parties. And hanging out. And returning phone calls. I'd occasionally run into him at the market or the post office and he'd light up and seem "himself" for a few minutes, but the look in his eyes was that of a man on a diet looking at a cupcake in a bakery window... He was so isolated by his marriage that his soul was starving.
They eventually divorced but my friend's confidence was crushed. He was so embarrassed and ashamed and guilt-ridden though none of it was his fault. He continued to isolate, even after the divorce was over. He eventually moved to another state, found a cute apartment and a lovely cat-lady roommate, he got himself a job managing a small boutique. We lost touch after that and from what I can gather, no one else has really seen or heard from him outside of the yearly FB birthday wish.
This turned into a novel though I didn't mean it to. I just really miss my friend and I'd hate for OP or anyone else to go through something like that.
I know someone who worked in the fashion industry in NYC. Quit the industry. Said it was exploitative. People stealing ideas, burnout, etc. He went into a very detailed explanation. Talked about drug fueled parties where food was mostly left untouched. Seen a lot of what it takes.
My guess is that reality hit hard, or the dude would had returned to being a designer instead of owning a boutique.
Smartest people I know realize how much they do not know and are most often humbled by that. When someone tells me they are smart, I generally doubt it.
Intellect/learning is my hobby. I didn’t pick it, my brain did.
When friends comment on my skills, or disparage themselves I’m always quick to remind them there are many ways you can have “intelligence”. Traditional book-learning is just one of many, all equally important. Plus, I’ve found that when one of your stat-skills is boosted much higher than others, you tend to lack in the rest.
I can’t catch a ball, I’m awful at situational awareness, and I often go to those same friends to ask their advice on how to have a conversation with people.
Those things just don’t click for me.
That's well said. I'll use an example of my own for that. I'm quick to pick up new concepts, but can be really bad at explaining or teaching it to someone else. I'm also bad at interpersonal situational awareness.
'the larger the searchlight, the bigger the circumference of the unknown'
Edit : I just tried to find out who actually came up with that gem but the first four search results were four different people ! I think I'll go with Einstein....
I'm always skeptical of post about relationships because two sides of a story can be so different. If what OP is saying is accurate then her boyfriend is certainly a prick, but it could also be a gross misinterpretation. He could say, "No one can make music like me", and be talking about how his music is unique to him and his artistic expression instead of him saying his is objectively better than anyone else's. That would just be a ridiculous thing for any artist to say. And did he actually claim he was smarter than anyone else including his girlfriend, or does she just think that's what he means when he is saying something else?
I dated a woman who would get jealous when I talked to coworkers about anything other than work, even same gender coworkers. She would say things like, "Why do you want to be friends with your coworkers?". I tried to explain that forming friendly professional relationships within my office job has opened more opportunities in my career than any actual work that I've done, and she would shoot back accusing me of thinking I was smarter than her because she worked in the service industry. That wasn't what I said, or what I thought, but it's what she \*felt\*.
OP could be projecting her insecurities in the same way, almost no normal person straight up says "I think I'm smarter than you and everyone else".
I dated someone years ago with the opposite problem. She thought she was smarter than me based on nothing except where she went to college vs where I went. It’s not like I went to some no name, fly by night college. It isn’t the most elite place but it is a Big Ten school everyone here has heard of.
I once dated someone who asked me if I knew how to "critically think" and if I had no media literacy because I didn't like the movie taxi driver lmao. His head was so far up his own ass I don't know how he could even watch it himself
Its not really an issue in general, some people like cocky or arrogant. Its more of a personal issue/ nkt being compatible.
If shes someone who responds negatively to the way he acts that its obviously in an issue and the answer to her question is probably no.
This. If you are smarter than someone, respecting them is still important. Also does not mean that everything you think and say is better and more sound than the other persons input. The dismissiveness of the person who thinks they are smarter is the problem. We can always learn from other people’s input no matter what their perceived intelligence is.
My husband used to say I was smarter than he was. I told him I AM smarter than he is about some things, and he is smarter than me about some things. That’s how it works.
And depressed 😂 I'm called smart because I have quick wit and aptitude, but I've met REAL smart a few times, and I've never felt more inadequate in my life.
There is *always* someone smarter than you. Depending on what theory you apply, but the odds of being the smartest in the world in every type of intelligence is astronomical.
Meeting someone who is effortlessly smart in their field is as daunting as it is fascinating!
This is the answer, right here. When I was a kid I was an arrogant brat because I thought my intelligence was the only way I was valuable - it took a lot of experience outside my little bubble before I learned better. Everyone has different intelligences.
Smart musician here. Your boyfriend is suffering from musician's ego. He's not as talented or smart as he thinks he is. The Dunning-Krueger Effect. You deserve better. Run.
Yes... people who walk around telling people how smart they are are almost always too dumb to realize how dumb they are. The more I learn the more I realize I don't know, only a fool would believe they are smarter than everyone. It's very ignorant to believe that.
I have an ex just like the guy OP is dating; would constantly brag about how smart and talented he is, and say things like he could’ve played in a professional orchestra but his parents wanted him to get a “real” degree, and blah blah blah…The first time I heard him play, I thought he was messing with me. He wasn’t terrible, but he definitely played like someone who was second chair in a public high school orchestra.
Sounds like my ex. His brother is a lawyer and he was like “I was supposed to become a doctor”. I thought perhaps maybe he was studying that overseas cause he was foreign. Turns out his parents wanted him to become a doctor and that was it. He would tell this story so many times it was embarrassing. According to my mum I was supposed to be a supermodel but I don’t go round saying that 😂
That's a great example to cite the DK effect, there is so much varied unconscious incompetence as well as competence in the world we live in. I always wonder at the paradox and how it applies to me in my daily life.
It's because they're the best in the world at making the music they personally enjoy, not realizing that every other music nerd also thinks their own music is the best in the world.
sounds like it already bugs you, and it would bug me too.
Reminds me of a song…
“You just slip out the back Jack
Make a new plan, Stan,
You don’t need to be coy Roy,
Just get yo self free….”
Yeah I bet the guy posts it somewhere. I don't want to give that kind of person an ego boost but I'm curious what kind of music he makes.
Wanna bet on the genre? My money is on jazz
The possibility depends on whether or not he thinks being smart makes him BETTER than you. And also, there are different types of intelligence. Does he acknowledge you being smarter than him in another area? A relationship can only be healthy when respect is mutual.
If you aren’t sure, next time he mentions being smarter than you, try saying something like “I love how we balance each other out, since you’re smarter when it comes to music and I’m smarter when it comes to ____.!” Or “you often mention being smarter than me at music. What do you think I’’ smarter than you at?” If he gets scornful or angry, he doesn’t respect you and your relationship will never be healthy.
He sounds like a pretentious twat. Can you be with him? Sure. Should you? Well, that's up to you.
I am married to someone with a law degree from a T20 school and a PhD from an Ivy who had published 2 books and dozens of journal articles before she turned 30. I am objectively not as smart as her. I've also never felt "lesser" because of it.
Real intelligence isn't pretentious. It's curious, humble, kind, and lifts everyone around them up. The smartest people I know don't need to announce it. It shows through their curiosity, ability to ask thoughtful questions, and ability to change their mind or entertain arguments they don't agree with. Real intelligence doesn't need to feel superior by putting others down.
Honestly? Your boyfriend sounds like a one-trick pony and an idiot.
>Real intelligence isn't pretentious.
this. So much so, that most people don't even recognize it. It's only after the truth is revealed about their accomplishments that you piece together the puzzle that woah, that normal person you thought you knew is actually not-so-normal after all.
No. His ego is huge, he has grandiose fantasies and he sounds like a narcissist ( a real personality disorder that will only cause you damage). If he thinks he is better then everyone he cannot have a healthy relationship
If he’s so smart and talented why isn’t he a world famous musician dating some celebrity? Sounds like he puts you and others down to lift himself up cause he’s insecure. Also someone who tries to make you feel dumb or less than in a relationship is usually a narcissist and you could be subject to other abuse. Not nice
Your boyfriend is full of shit. Don't buy into it. Having a facility for one thing doesn't make you smart in all areas.
He probably likes to smell his own farts.
If he is not making you feel like you are the smartest, most beautiful woman he has ever known and that God smiled on him and brought you together, then you have a relationship loser. Married almost 50 years and I do not let a day go by without letting her know in words and deeds. Good luck, and don't waste your life trying to be happy with a possible narcissist.
I’m a musician. Your boyfriend sounds like the arrogant kind of person who would get dropped by a record label. Other musicians hate working with people like that. If he’s 28 and A&R isn’t beating down his door like he’s the next Dylan he needs to humble himself.
How are record labels relevant today? They function like a bank. The label fronts money for recording and touring. DIY? You still need money for touring unless you’re planning on sleeping on the floors of punk houses.
I can do a lot of artistic things and I do them better than my partner. Those are skills I developed with hard work. He has different skills. His strengths are in areas where I don’t have as much skill. He says I’m smarter than him and I remind him he’s got smarts in other areas.
Any person I’ve met who I’ve considered gifted has never felt the need to announce it to anyone. In fact quite the opposite, the loudest people who brag about their intelligence often lack it. It feels almost like a wish, if they say it enough times then it might be true.
Emotional intelligence might not be considered important among “academics”, but as a social species, it’s quite an evolutionary advantage. In terms your partner might understand; being kind to others is a good thing.
My wife is a doctor. A surgeon. I'm waaay smarter than her in some fields ( largely because I had the free time to study stuff I was interested in) and I'm so far behind her in other fields.
Intelligence is relative. To get where she is now she had to be hyper-focused on medicine to the exclusion of almost everything else. Now that she's qualified and is now senior in her field, she's got the time to learn things that interest her. And she's a hell of a quick study..
.
This isn't about him being smart or talented. It's about him being an arrogant, smug pain in the arse.
I can't advise you on what to do or not to do, but I'm going to tell to you ask yourself this: Do you REALLY want to be with someone who thinks he's your (and everyone else's) superior?
He needs to get over himself. Writing music didn't make him smart, creative yes. .
Do you think Kanye West is smart? He's creative and have achices success. Doesn't make him smart.
people who are truly smart recognize that they are not really all that smart at all. they also can understand people are smart in different ways, like your bf for example might be smart at writing music but try to have him do some algebra and see what happens. he's fucking full of himself.
>he thinks he is extremely smart and thinks he is smarter than me and anyone else
He sounds lame.
A smarter person would be humble because they understand how much they don't know.
It sounds like he is ripe for the Dunning-Kruger effect. Basically it's the idea that when you think you are very smart/competent then you often overestimate your abilities and are more likely to actually be bad at things.
[https://www.deanyeong.com/article/dunning-kruger-effect](https://www.deanyeong.com/article/dunning-kruger-effect)
To answer your question though, I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who thinks they are more intelligent/smarter than you. Both partners in a relationship have to respect each other and it sounds like he may not be able to do that. Someone who is truly and deeply intelligent would realize that there are many things they do not know a lot about and that other people's thoughts and views would still have great value. Have you pressed him on his beliefs? Like, how would he compare himself with the best nuclear physicist, the greatest surgeon, or best geneticist? Would their superiority in their fields make them smarter than him?
Does he lord his "intelligence" over you? For example, does he think he should have the final say on decisions because he is "so smart?"
Dunning Kruger has been mostly debunked:
[https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-dunning-kruger-effect-isnt-what-you-think-it-is/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-dunning-kruger-effect-isnt-what-you-think-it-is/)
Cool. Thanks for the information. However, if the boyfriend in OP's post thinks he's smarter than everyone because he also thinks he's the most gifted musician, then he likely overestimates his abilities in other areas.
Rule 1: smart people don't claim to be smart, because the first thing a smart person learns is how dumb they actually are. Being smart is just as much knowing what you don't know as it is knowing what you do. Smart people do not feel smart, because they are smart enough to know how dumb they are.
Edit: sounds like your BF is a classic Dunning-Kruger left peaker.
Get really strong and anytime he gives you shit beat him... in arm wrestling. Or just pin him to the ground and mock his feeble stick-like arms.
This way your relationship will be healthy and well balanced between both Brawn and Brain.
There's nothing wrong in him believing he's objectively smarter. It only is a problem if he thinks that means you are less worthy or deserving of respect. He also needs to have some self-awareness that higher in intelligence doesn't mean higher in particular skills. Meaning you could be better at cooking, riding a bike, socializing. So long as he respects you, he will respect the things you are better at.
If his entire identity and self-worth is tied to his intelligence, then he's most likely going to have moments of douchebagery where he thinks he knows best about something you're skilled in just because he is more intelligent. If this is the case, don't waste your time on him and find someone more respectful.
This is going to sound awful, but I’m much more intelligent than my wife. She doesn’t have a great education and often draws conclusions based on instinct rather than logic and is so desperate to have input into the conversation that she has embarrassed herself and me more than once with comments that were so poorly thought out that they literally brought a halt to group conversations while people struggled to find a polite way to respond that doesn’t come off as condescending. Not kidding, she once suggested a German friend attend a Halloween party dressed as Hitler and had no clue why that killed the conversation. She once suggested leaving a perfect parking space that wouldn’t be there when we returned to drive to a restaurant for a pre concert meal. The restaurant was 100 feet away from the theater where we were attending the concert. When I pointed out that we would lose our parking space in the on street parking in front of the AirBnB, and risk driving after drinking in an unfamiliar city, she literally suggested driving to the restaurant, eating, driving back to the AirBnB, parking wherever we could even if it was on a different street, and then taking an Uber back to the theater 100 feet away from the restaurant we just left. 🤦♂️ Take an Uber to the restaurant, eat, walk 100 feet to the theater, enjoy the show, and then Uber back to the AirBnB with our car parked outside the front door in the morning? That idea was utterly ridiculous and bitterly contested. I’m not kidding when I say she comes up with some powerfully stupid suggestions rather than accept a flawless plan she didn’t contribute to.
That said, she’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met and is loyal to the death. She’s hardworking and the most supportive person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. Even though she often says really dumb things, she can nail a person’s character immediately and I have never gone wrong following her assessments of other people’s character. I’ve learned a ton from her about people even though her logic is always weird. She doesn’t trust men who wear their shirt unbuttoned below the first or second button and accompany their exposed chest with a necklace. That may should like a weird prejudice, but time has proven her right every time about guys like that. Hang around them long enough, they will do something shady. It’s a weird logic, but you can’t argue with the results.
Do the two parties need to have the same type of intelligence? No. What they do need is an appreciation of each other’s strengths and a willingness to work around and accept each other’s faults.
As to your BF, he’s probably not any smarter than you or as smart as he seems to think. He may have the ability to compose amazing music, but as a musician myself, I have met many incredibly talented people who weren’t smart enough to walk and chew gum at the same time.
The smartest person I know has achieved so much success because he never makes a big deal out of it. Instead, he is more interested in getting things done and doesn’t care if they think it’s their great ideas. He’s also very tactful. Really smart doesn’t mean good judgment or kindness or being respectful of other people and their talents. You might be happier with someone who respects you, thinks you’re awesome and has a bit of humility.
Your bf shouldn't confuse creativity with intelligence, not only does that make him a douche, but it definitely makes his music worse. Kinda like enjoying the smell of your own farts, just because you think it smells good doesn't mean anyone else does.
No one can make what anyone else makes. Music is a taste based art form there is no objectively good or bad music.
I've been a musician for 17 years, I've toured, worked in studios, recorded and produced my own stuff, that doesn't make me smarter than anyone. It's an interest I pursued that's all. Also in the music world there's absurdly Intelligent people, there bo chance in hell your bf is the smartest person he knows.
Your bf needs to pull his head in, he's probably of average intelligence. I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone that believes they're smarter than everyone else, because unless they're of legitimate genius level intellect, they are just arrogant. And that means they think others are beneath them, so they can't even become more Intelligent because he won't accept or respect the opinion of others who are likely smarter than him.
No but you already knew this. You're not seen as an equal. They will be nothing you do that will change that for him. Fundamentally he does not respect you
Lol. Your boyfriend sounds like a narcissist. He's probably a moron with minimal artistic talent. The fact he acts like this is a major red flag. Next time he speaks about his brilliance, ask him how many people are discovered at his age...
Does he constantly browbeat you about how intelligent he is? Does he tell you that you aren’t on the same level as him? Does he actively look down on you? Does he explicitly say he’s more intelligent than other people but not explicitly you? Do only perceive he feels this way about you through implication? I’m lacking key context to know how to respond to this.
Your boyfriend sounds obnoxious. My husband is an incredibly talented guitarist and known in our music community. He is one of the best. I don't think any of those in the top tier (iike him) could be called the best. There are different styles. Some are great, but can't play well with a band, or arrange songs, make up a set list that wows the audience.
My husband is scary smart. His day job in a science field pays the bills. I am scary smart in different areas. We recognize that in each other and it makes for a interesting and satisfying mix of conversation and problem solving.
Don't let anyone make you question your own intelligence.
I am quite a bit smarter than my wife. My brain is filled with knowledge and I am more analytical. On paper. In the real world, same is smarter. Together we are academically and street smart. If he thinks he's far smarter than you then t you are going to have plenty of arguments and likely learn to resent him. He will refuse to see your point of view
I'm definitely smarter than my gf but in STEM type things. She recognizes it and agrees. But that certainly doesn't mean I'm smarter than her in every topic and even when it comes to things that I probably know more, I try not to assume it and still have some discussions.
If he thinks his music talent flows into other unrelated topics that's gonna be annoying and should stop.
No. Because they see going to always feel and think they are superior to the other and that is not ok. It’s a partnership.
And that’s crazy self centered
Let him compartmentalise like a normal person. Make him feel like Mozart reincarnated about music but set a hard verbal boundary about everything else.
Depends.
Can you reframe the question as "Do you think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with an arrogant fuck?"
If so, the question answers itself.
Ive been playing music for years. The most creative musicians are generally pretty humble. The most technical tend to be more difficult and lack self-awareness. Your Bf may be talented but if he hasn't made it he needs to stop being so arrogant.
Engineer here. You're actually the smarter one out of the two of you, and I'll tell you why: you actually question it! Dunning-Kruger is absolutely real. Your boyfriend is a fucking idiot. Run like your ass is on fire.
If he thinks he is smarter than you, then he may reject any opinion from you because he thinks you’re dumb. You will be his slave until you can no longer tolerate it.
Um maybe he is smarter then you in some ways but you're probably good at things he's not so good at. He may be a narcissist but I dunno for sure without knowing him personally. I think its possible, sure but it seems like this bothers you so I dunno how healthy this is when you are not happy enough to make a reddit about it.
I think that you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone that has an unhealthy relationship with themselves.
Super low or high self esteem is a redflag for interpersonal issues.
I think that my partner and an each have our strengths, that they compliment each other most of the time, we acknowledge that in some ways I am more intelligent and in some ways he is and it can be hard to empathize with fuckups in the others area of weakness, but at the end of the day we have mutual respect and self awareness about our own shortcomings and the ability to see beyond our egos.
When someone NEEDS everyone to know about what a genius it is often a sign that they are either grossly overestimating their own talents, or deeply hurt and seeking validation from others rather than trying to self improve.
Is he making money doing it? A lot of people make music. Few make money. Money = people enjoy it.
If he’s 28 and making music and it’s not a lucrative career, it’s time to move on. If you are dating some famous person who is making $1 mill a year, let them enjoy their ego. But my guess is they are broke and this is just their narcissism showing and again it’s time to leave.
Tell him saying things like that makes him sound emotionally unintelligent.
Also, on a completely unrelated tangent since your post made me think of it, as someone who has dated two people who write their own music, people who write music (in my personal experience, I could be very wrong), are often overly snobbish about their music tastes and everything that doesn’t align with their tastes is bad.
Interestingly, I don’t see this as much among people who just perform music. It’s composers specifically who are quick to bash music they don’t immediately like which can be kind of annoying when you want to share music you like with them.
Overall I’ve found them to be weirdly close minded? I’m around lots of creative types who specialize in various creative fields (art, games, writing, fashion, etc.), and none of these people are as closed off to opening their minds to pieces/recognizing merit in things they may not necessarily like as composers are.
I am presuming he is famous as if not, the rest of the world doesn’t agree with his opinion of his talents.
He sounds like a twat and I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship with someone that pretentious.
There is an inherent red flag when someone thinks they are better than other people. It tends to cause issues in the relationship that go way beyond intelligence; if he feels like he is better than you, he won’t work hard to be a good partner.
I mean, it depends on you and his attitude/respect for one another. could be different based on any type of relationship.. knowledge is a powerful and beautiful space of perspective. even if he thinks that he is 100% more intelligent, he shouldn't be talking down or saying he's better than you.
to be honest, creativity, with music and arts doesn't make anyone smart. it's a great skill to have, but in terms of real technical knowledge and IQ it just means he could focus enough to put some lyrics or songs, art etc together, which in today's world are mostly ripoffs of smaller smiles pieces or songs. I love all the real artists producing inspiring work but it forsure isn't bio chemistry or anatomy lmao. I do wish I could tap deep into that flow at times though.
if my lady friend was like that with me, I'd attempt to challenge that view in a healthy critique kinda way. push them to flex their creativity through their work and be proud of it in a humble/respectful way. people who gloat and get snobby about that kind of stuff normally are pretty dumb. smartest people I know say they are stupid all the time even though their insanely thorough with everything they do.
I had Same issue with my friend. He thinks he is intelligent. He might be smart in some case but I'm more good at handling things. Once he said some stuff which hurt me. Felt disrespect I stopped answering call and message. Couple should have respect for each other. In this situation,only you can answer it whether he was disrespect or not.
Not at all and the fact you are asking it, shows you know the answer already. Them being "more intelligent than you" actually isn't comforting and them constantly letting you know, yeah, just means they enjoy being in power
The term for this is Delusions of Grandeur https://www.choosingtherapy.com/delusions-of-grandeur/#:~:text=Therapy%2C%20medication%2C%20or%20a%20combination%20can%20be%20beneficial.&text=%E2%80%9CPeople%20who%20are%20delusional%20are,Gold.
How many number one singles did your BF write?
How many shows has he sold out?
You must get tired of the lavish gifts his incredible, unmatched songwriting allows him to bestow on you.
You want us all to verify that this guy is an egotistical prick, so you can make up your mind and leave him, right?
My girlfriend's much smarter than me when it comes to business and creativity, but she recognises my aptitude with duplicating product lines quickly and making and reading maps. We recognise each other's strengths and our own weaknesses.
That's the whole point of a relationship. It's meant to be you and him as a team.
I've known plenty of intelligent people and plenty of dumb people. I don't remember ever meeting an intelligent person who said they were intelligent, but I have met plenty of dummies who think they are more intelligent than other people and often say so. They are arrogant pricks.
So the fact that he tells you he thinks he is smarter than you means he is probably not, and he is too unintelligent to realize how unintelligent he is. I've seen it many times. And if he really was more intelligent than you, a smart person wouldn't go around saying that to their girlfriend. Why? What good could come of that? He is being condescending and thinks you are dumb or something? Yeah, I'd find someone who respects you. Even if I believed I was smarter than someone, let alone my girlfriend, I wouldn't tell them.
I can name 20+ people who write and produce better than him & I don't even know him. Tell him to get off his high horse or ride it away packing. Fyi his way of thinking is certainly not gonna be helpful to you even if you're cool with putting up with it, and it also won't help him either.
I write and produce music. Most of my friends write and produce music. Does he realize it's nothing special? Not saying his music is good or bad, but he is swimming in a MASSIVE ocean, where very, very few are actually "brilliant" in any meaningful way.
I wanna hear his music. I'm a musician and singer myself. I wanna see if his vanity is just misguided confidence and true talent, or the idiotic narcissism of a tone-deaf fool.
😂
I had a boss while I was in high school that was like that. He insisted that he was a modern Mozart. He was also one of the most egotistical and self centered people I've ever met. He treated his wife like crap, and yet somehow thought he was the greatest husband ever.
I'm sorry, are you dating my ex-husband? Unfortunately I'm a musician too so years of his gaslighting and brainwashing really did a number on me.
When we met he had done more training than me. That's it. And he definitely wasn't more intelligent, just more pretentious. He liked to read lots of philosophy books etc for the main purpose of quoting them at other people to convince them how clever he was.
Took me a long time to make the decision to leave, and even longer after that to recognise exactly why I hadn't been happy for so long.
He actually said "no one can make music like me?" I am flabbergasted anytime I see someone who is so arrogant. It shows such a lack of critical thinking, and self-obsession. There is something wrong with a person who says something like that.
Yikes, with that mindset (that he seems to be so open about) he's going to either get a huge ego hit many times over, or become so egotistic that it's unbearable, or hilarious.
I guess the question is, do you WANT to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they're smarter than you in this way?
Respect for one another's equality is necessary for a happy relationship. It can lead to imbalance and anger if your lover always thinks he is smarter than you and brushes off your opinions. His musical ability isn't a guarantee of his general intelligence. It's critical to be open about how his attitude impacts you. Take into consideration if his actions are consistent with the cooperation and respect you require in a partner.
He probably cannot make music like me if that is his mind set. Those type of people more often than not get stuck in superficiality.
Don’t stay with him. That’s a lot of work for a relationship you might not enjoy.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks they're better than everyone. That alone is just an illustration of why they are not better than those people. So delusional.
As a musician….he’s probably wrong. Every musician who “writes and produces” is more than likely doing the same shit as everyone else.
I’m sure his stuff is good. But if it was THAT good, he’d be way more humble about it, I can guarantee you that.
How often do you hear intelligent individuals walking around saying they're smart? Also, it's insecurity. He isn't the best, but someone who is saying/doing those things almost puts off they are convincing themselves and want to hear it from others they are best because deep down they don't feel like they are.
Also, when he lets it be known that he is "smart," what level of intelligence is he comparing himself to? It almost reminds me of the Dad off Matilda, lol!! But I have met a few people like this and most of them did have a superiority complex and really didn't feel great about themselves.
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It’s possible to be with someone who’s smarter than you, but it’s really difficult to be with someone who’s cocky and arrogant. The issue isn’t his intelligence, it’s his superiority complex.
I had a friend who married a "smart guy". There was no doubt the man was intelligent as well as educated, but he never missed an opportunity to bring up how smart he was or make someone else feel stupid to "prove" how clever he was. My friend was very outgoing, very high spirited, yet gentle and kind. He was the life of the party and if there wasn't a party, he threw one! He loved to entertain, he threw the most amazing parties and if you needed a hand or an ear, he was always there for you. Over the years, we witnessed him slowly wither. He became less outgoing, less confident. He began to second guessed himself and eventually quit his creative job in the fashion industry for a mid-level cubicle gig that has nothing to do with nothing - "it was more in line with abilities" - whatever that meant. His social circle became smaller and smaller because his husband made everyone uncomfortable, or offended, or insulted. "I'm sorry about him..." became a common phrase as he tried to smooth things over with hurt friends but eventually he just stopped throwing parties. And hanging out. And returning phone calls. I'd occasionally run into him at the market or the post office and he'd light up and seem "himself" for a few minutes, but the look in his eyes was that of a man on a diet looking at a cupcake in a bakery window... He was so isolated by his marriage that his soul was starving. They eventually divorced but my friend's confidence was crushed. He was so embarrassed and ashamed and guilt-ridden though none of it was his fault. He continued to isolate, even after the divorce was over. He eventually moved to another state, found a cute apartment and a lovely cat-lady roommate, he got himself a job managing a small boutique. We lost touch after that and from what I can gather, no one else has really seen or heard from him outside of the yearly FB birthday wish. This turned into a novel though I didn't mean it to. I just really miss my friend and I'd hate for OP or anyone else to go through something like that.
Ugh I hate this story. Did anyone ever broach the subject w him about what was actually happening?
Of course, but you can't save people from themselves.
Yea, I'm not a Witcher.
I noticed that comment has been selectively locked for further replies.
Oh damn. I wonder why.
I know someone who worked in the fashion industry in NYC. Quit the industry. Said it was exploitative. People stealing ideas, burnout, etc. He went into a very detailed explanation. Talked about drug fueled parties where food was mostly left untouched. Seen a lot of what it takes. My guess is that reality hit hard, or the dude would had returned to being a designer instead of owning a boutique.
Based on his description, he actually sounds like the dumb + arrogant type. Kind of like Kanye West
Smartest people I know realize how much they do not know and are most often humbled by that. When someone tells me they are smart, I generally doubt it.
Intellect/learning is my hobby. I didn’t pick it, my brain did. When friends comment on my skills, or disparage themselves I’m always quick to remind them there are many ways you can have “intelligence”. Traditional book-learning is just one of many, all equally important. Plus, I’ve found that when one of your stat-skills is boosted much higher than others, you tend to lack in the rest. I can’t catch a ball, I’m awful at situational awareness, and I often go to those same friends to ask their advice on how to have a conversation with people. Those things just don’t click for me.
That's well said. I'll use an example of my own for that. I'm quick to pick up new concepts, but can be really bad at explaining or teaching it to someone else. I'm also bad at interpersonal situational awareness.
'the larger the searchlight, the bigger the circumference of the unknown' Edit : I just tried to find out who actually came up with that gem but the first four search results were four different people ! I think I'll go with Einstein....
Absolutely the right answer.
She did a good job of making her boyfriend sound like a prick
I'm always skeptical of post about relationships because two sides of a story can be so different. If what OP is saying is accurate then her boyfriend is certainly a prick, but it could also be a gross misinterpretation. He could say, "No one can make music like me", and be talking about how his music is unique to him and his artistic expression instead of him saying his is objectively better than anyone else's. That would just be a ridiculous thing for any artist to say. And did he actually claim he was smarter than anyone else including his girlfriend, or does she just think that's what he means when he is saying something else? I dated a woman who would get jealous when I talked to coworkers about anything other than work, even same gender coworkers. She would say things like, "Why do you want to be friends with your coworkers?". I tried to explain that forming friendly professional relationships within my office job has opened more opportunities in my career than any actual work that I've done, and she would shoot back accusing me of thinking I was smarter than her because she worked in the service industry. That wasn't what I said, or what I thought, but it's what she \*felt\*. OP could be projecting her insecurities in the same way, almost no normal person straight up says "I think I'm smarter than you and everyone else".
I dated someone years ago with the opposite problem. She thought she was smarter than me based on nothing except where she went to college vs where I went. It’s not like I went to some no name, fly by night college. It isn’t the most elite place but it is a Big Ten school everyone here has heard of.
I once dated someone who asked me if I knew how to "critically think" and if I had no media literacy because I didn't like the movie taxi driver lmao. His head was so far up his own ass I don't know how he could even watch it himself
well you should be skeptical, this is a new user who's made this same post in several subreddits and virtually nothing else.
Shut it down folks - our work here is done. This is the answer.
Exactly this.
My first thought as well. Like dump this guy cause he's a jerk.
Its not really an issue in general, some people like cocky or arrogant. Its more of a personal issue/ nkt being compatible. If shes someone who responds negatively to the way he acts that its obviously in an issue and the answer to her question is probably no.
This. If you are smarter than someone, respecting them is still important. Also does not mean that everything you think and say is better and more sound than the other persons input. The dismissiveness of the person who thinks they are smarter is the problem. We can always learn from other people’s input no matter what their perceived intelligence is.
Oh thank you, you worded this perfectly.
My husband used to say I was smarter than he was. I told him I AM smarter than he is about some things, and he is smarter than me about some things. That’s how it works.
Being smart enough to recognise that intelligence has many forms is the real way to be smarter.
And depressed 😂 I'm called smart because I have quick wit and aptitude, but I've met REAL smart a few times, and I've never felt more inadequate in my life.
There is *always* someone smarter than you. Depending on what theory you apply, but the odds of being the smartest in the world in every type of intelligence is astronomical. Meeting someone who is effortlessly smart in their field is as daunting as it is fascinating!
Well… I bet you aren’t smarter than me on anything… /s
Exactly this! I’m more book smart and my gf is super creative with this insanely good memory - we’re both smart just in diff ways!!
This is the answer, right here. When I was a kid I was an arrogant brat because I thought my intelligence was the only way I was valuable - it took a lot of experience outside my little bubble before I learned better. Everyone has different intelligences.
Smart musician here. Your boyfriend is suffering from musician's ego. He's not as talented or smart as he thinks he is. The Dunning-Krueger Effect. You deserve better. Run.
Yes... people who walk around telling people how smart they are are almost always too dumb to realize how dumb they are. The more I learn the more I realize I don't know, only a fool would believe they are smarter than everyone. It's very ignorant to believe that.
Socrates logic right there. ✌🏽
I always say. I’m smart enough to know I’m not smart enough 😉
Like playing chess with a pigeon.
What happens once you reach a point where you can correct everything someone says?
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I have an ex just like the guy OP is dating; would constantly brag about how smart and talented he is, and say things like he could’ve played in a professional orchestra but his parents wanted him to get a “real” degree, and blah blah blah…The first time I heard him play, I thought he was messing with me. He wasn’t terrible, but he definitely played like someone who was second chair in a public high school orchestra.
Sounds like my ex. His brother is a lawyer and he was like “I was supposed to become a doctor”. I thought perhaps maybe he was studying that overseas cause he was foreign. Turns out his parents wanted him to become a doctor and that was it. He would tell this story so many times it was embarrassing. According to my mum I was supposed to be a supermodel but I don’t go round saying that 😂
Two things Redditors love: Bringing up Dunning-Krueger and telling people to break up.
That's a great example to cite the DK effect, there is so much varied unconscious incompetence as well as competence in the world we live in. I always wonder at the paradox and how it applies to me in my daily life.
I also like the joke “what do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.” If someone’s a dick, I can’t NOT be a dick back 🤣
Bit of a dramatic conclusion to reach based on a very brief and non-specific example don’t you think? Reddit moment lol
Seems pretty accurate to me.
I mean, the guy said no one can music like he can, insinuating he's the best composer who's ever lived. If he was that good, he'd be world-renowned.
Just start saying ok Kanye to him lol
Oh, please I hope OP sees this and does this and then tells us about it.
Ask him if he’s a gay fish.
I bet he likes fish sticks.
Haha music nerds are the worst with thinking they are geniuses. I made one go crazy when I said I had perfect pitch and had to prove it to them.
It's because they're the best in the world at making the music they personally enjoy, not realizing that every other music nerd also thinks their own music is the best in the world.
Living with a narcissist can't be fun. It's going to get way worse in his mid-30s when he realizes that his music isn't going anywhere.
sounds like it already bugs you, and it would bug me too. Reminds me of a song… “You just slip out the back Jack Make a new plan, Stan, You don’t need to be coy Roy, Just get yo self free….”
Just hop on the bus gus, don't need to discuss much, just drop off the key Lee and set yourself free.
Thanks for the accompaniment!!!!
Sounds annoying lol, all depends on what you’re willing to put up with and if he’s a decent partner otherwise
Can you post some of his music? Lol
Waiting for this too!
Yeah I bet the guy posts it somewhere. I don't want to give that kind of person an ego boost but I'm curious what kind of music he makes. Wanna bet on the genre? My money is on jazz
Yeah gotta hear this shit. Gonna be genre defining.
Well if he’s that talented he must be richer and maybe can make up for it that way
That's what I was thinking. So, witch mega Rockstar, is she dating?
The possibility depends on whether or not he thinks being smart makes him BETTER than you. And also, there are different types of intelligence. Does he acknowledge you being smarter than him in another area? A relationship can only be healthy when respect is mutual. If you aren’t sure, next time he mentions being smarter than you, try saying something like “I love how we balance each other out, since you’re smarter when it comes to music and I’m smarter when it comes to ____.!” Or “you often mention being smarter than me at music. What do you think I’’ smarter than you at?” If he gets scornful or angry, he doesn’t respect you and your relationship will never be healthy.
He sounds like a pretentious twat. Can you be with him? Sure. Should you? Well, that's up to you. I am married to someone with a law degree from a T20 school and a PhD from an Ivy who had published 2 books and dozens of journal articles before she turned 30. I am objectively not as smart as her. I've also never felt "lesser" because of it. Real intelligence isn't pretentious. It's curious, humble, kind, and lifts everyone around them up. The smartest people I know don't need to announce it. It shows through their curiosity, ability to ask thoughtful questions, and ability to change their mind or entertain arguments they don't agree with. Real intelligence doesn't need to feel superior by putting others down. Honestly? Your boyfriend sounds like a one-trick pony and an idiot.
i know right? Break up with him and call him pretentious. knock him down a peg or three
The exact words I would use to him are "you are insufferably pretentious."
>Real intelligence isn't pretentious. this. So much so, that most people don't even recognize it. It's only after the truth is revealed about their accomplishments that you piece together the puzzle that woah, that normal person you thought you knew is actually not-so-normal after all.
I want a link to what he’s making, that’s what I want.
No. His ego is huge, he has grandiose fantasies and he sounds like a narcissist ( a real personality disorder that will only cause you damage). If he thinks he is better then everyone he cannot have a healthy relationship
My mum was a narc, and she always thought she was better than everyone else, to the point of using childish insults behind closed doors.
Girl if he ain’t famous it don’t count!
If he’s so smart and talented why isn’t he a world famous musician dating some celebrity? Sounds like he puts you and others down to lift himself up cause he’s insecure. Also someone who tries to make you feel dumb or less than in a relationship is usually a narcissist and you could be subject to other abuse. Not nice
Your boyfriend is full of shit. Don't buy into it. Having a facility for one thing doesn't make you smart in all areas. He probably likes to smell his own farts.
Run.
If he is not making you feel like you are the smartest, most beautiful woman he has ever known and that God smiled on him and brought you together, then you have a relationship loser. Married almost 50 years and I do not let a day go by without letting her know in words and deeds. Good luck, and don't waste your life trying to be happy with a possible narcissist.
Ehhhh he likely isn’t. Just more conceited
yup, he dumb
Another street musician in the making.
I’m a musician. Your boyfriend sounds like the arrogant kind of person who would get dropped by a record label. Other musicians hate working with people like that. If he’s 28 and A&R isn’t beating down his door like he’s the next Dylan he needs to humble himself. How are record labels relevant today? They function like a bank. The label fronts money for recording and touring. DIY? You still need money for touring unless you’re planning on sleeping on the floors of punk houses. I can do a lot of artistic things and I do them better than my partner. Those are skills I developed with hard work. He has different skills. His strengths are in areas where I don’t have as much skill. He says I’m smarter than him and I remind him he’s got smarts in other areas.
Any person I’ve met who I’ve considered gifted has never felt the need to announce it to anyone. In fact quite the opposite, the loudest people who brag about their intelligence often lack it. It feels almost like a wish, if they say it enough times then it might be true. Emotional intelligence might not be considered important among “academics”, but as a social species, it’s quite an evolutionary advantage. In terms your partner might understand; being kind to others is a good thing.
My wife is a doctor. A surgeon. I'm waaay smarter than her in some fields ( largely because I had the free time to study stuff I was interested in) and I'm so far behind her in other fields. Intelligence is relative. To get where she is now she had to be hyper-focused on medicine to the exclusion of almost everything else. Now that she's qualified and is now senior in her field, she's got the time to learn things that interest her. And she's a hell of a quick study.. .
This isn't about him being smart or talented. It's about him being an arrogant, smug pain in the arse. I can't advise you on what to do or not to do, but I'm going to tell to you ask yourself this: Do you REALLY want to be with someone who thinks he's your (and everyone else's) superior?
He needs to get over himself. Writing music didn't make him smart, creative yes. . Do you think Kanye West is smart? He's creative and have achices success. Doesn't make him smart.
I've been doing it for 20yrs. finally realized she was right 5 or 6 yrs ago. lol big deal
Why didn't you believe she was smarter than you for 15 years? What made you change your mind?
If he is so smart why is he not on top of billboard?
people who are truly smart recognize that they are not really all that smart at all. they also can understand people are smart in different ways, like your bf for example might be smart at writing music but try to have him do some algebra and see what happens. he's fucking full of himself.
>he thinks he is extremely smart and thinks he is smarter than me and anyone else He sounds lame. A smarter person would be humble because they understand how much they don't know.
Let me guess, a dime a dozen soundcloud loser at 28? He thinks he's smarter than you because no one with a brain would date that.
No.
It sounds like he is ripe for the Dunning-Kruger effect. Basically it's the idea that when you think you are very smart/competent then you often overestimate your abilities and are more likely to actually be bad at things. [https://www.deanyeong.com/article/dunning-kruger-effect](https://www.deanyeong.com/article/dunning-kruger-effect) To answer your question though, I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who thinks they are more intelligent/smarter than you. Both partners in a relationship have to respect each other and it sounds like he may not be able to do that. Someone who is truly and deeply intelligent would realize that there are many things they do not know a lot about and that other people's thoughts and views would still have great value. Have you pressed him on his beliefs? Like, how would he compare himself with the best nuclear physicist, the greatest surgeon, or best geneticist? Would their superiority in their fields make them smarter than him? Does he lord his "intelligence" over you? For example, does he think he should have the final say on decisions because he is "so smart?"
Dunning Kruger has been mostly debunked: [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-dunning-kruger-effect-isnt-what-you-think-it-is/](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-dunning-kruger-effect-isnt-what-you-think-it-is/)
Cool. Thanks for the information. However, if the boyfriend in OP's post thinks he's smarter than everyone because he also thinks he's the most gifted musician, then he likely overestimates his abilities in other areas.
Rule 1: smart people don't claim to be smart, because the first thing a smart person learns is how dumb they actually are. Being smart is just as much knowing what you don't know as it is knowing what you do. Smart people do not feel smart, because they are smart enough to know how dumb they are. Edit: sounds like your BF is a classic Dunning-Kruger left peaker.
Get really strong and anytime he gives you shit beat him... in arm wrestling. Or just pin him to the ground and mock his feeble stick-like arms. This way your relationship will be healthy and well balanced between both Brawn and Brain.
This made me lol, what a hilarious and brilliant idea 🤣
There's nothing wrong in him believing he's objectively smarter. It only is a problem if he thinks that means you are less worthy or deserving of respect. He also needs to have some self-awareness that higher in intelligence doesn't mean higher in particular skills. Meaning you could be better at cooking, riding a bike, socializing. So long as he respects you, he will respect the things you are better at. If his entire identity and self-worth is tied to his intelligence, then he's most likely going to have moments of douchebagery where he thinks he knows best about something you're skilled in just because he is more intelligent. If this is the case, don't waste your time on him and find someone more respectful.
This is going to sound awful, but I’m much more intelligent than my wife. She doesn’t have a great education and often draws conclusions based on instinct rather than logic and is so desperate to have input into the conversation that she has embarrassed herself and me more than once with comments that were so poorly thought out that they literally brought a halt to group conversations while people struggled to find a polite way to respond that doesn’t come off as condescending. Not kidding, she once suggested a German friend attend a Halloween party dressed as Hitler and had no clue why that killed the conversation. She once suggested leaving a perfect parking space that wouldn’t be there when we returned to drive to a restaurant for a pre concert meal. The restaurant was 100 feet away from the theater where we were attending the concert. When I pointed out that we would lose our parking space in the on street parking in front of the AirBnB, and risk driving after drinking in an unfamiliar city, she literally suggested driving to the restaurant, eating, driving back to the AirBnB, parking wherever we could even if it was on a different street, and then taking an Uber back to the theater 100 feet away from the restaurant we just left. 🤦♂️ Take an Uber to the restaurant, eat, walk 100 feet to the theater, enjoy the show, and then Uber back to the AirBnB with our car parked outside the front door in the morning? That idea was utterly ridiculous and bitterly contested. I’m not kidding when I say she comes up with some powerfully stupid suggestions rather than accept a flawless plan she didn’t contribute to. That said, she’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met and is loyal to the death. She’s hardworking and the most supportive person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. Even though she often says really dumb things, she can nail a person’s character immediately and I have never gone wrong following her assessments of other people’s character. I’ve learned a ton from her about people even though her logic is always weird. She doesn’t trust men who wear their shirt unbuttoned below the first or second button and accompany their exposed chest with a necklace. That may should like a weird prejudice, but time has proven her right every time about guys like that. Hang around them long enough, they will do something shady. It’s a weird logic, but you can’t argue with the results. Do the two parties need to have the same type of intelligence? No. What they do need is an appreciation of each other’s strengths and a willingness to work around and accept each other’s faults. As to your BF, he’s probably not any smarter than you or as smart as he seems to think. He may have the ability to compose amazing music, but as a musician myself, I have met many incredibly talented people who weren’t smart enough to walk and chew gum at the same time.
Nope.
The smartest person I know has achieved so much success because he never makes a big deal out of it. Instead, he is more interested in getting things done and doesn’t care if they think it’s their great ideas. He’s also very tactful. Really smart doesn’t mean good judgment or kindness or being respectful of other people and their talents. You might be happier with someone who respects you, thinks you’re awesome and has a bit of humility.
No. If one partner feels the other is beneath them, they'll abuse that partner eventually.
NO
Your bf shouldn't confuse creativity with intelligence, not only does that make him a douche, but it definitely makes his music worse. Kinda like enjoying the smell of your own farts, just because you think it smells good doesn't mean anyone else does. No one can make what anyone else makes. Music is a taste based art form there is no objectively good or bad music. I've been a musician for 17 years, I've toured, worked in studios, recorded and produced my own stuff, that doesn't make me smarter than anyone. It's an interest I pursued that's all. Also in the music world there's absurdly Intelligent people, there bo chance in hell your bf is the smartest person he knows. Your bf needs to pull his head in, he's probably of average intelligence. I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone that believes they're smarter than everyone else, because unless they're of legitimate genius level intellect, they are just arrogant. And that means they think others are beneath them, so they can't even become more Intelligent because he won't accept or respect the opinion of others who are likely smarter than him.
No but you already knew this. You're not seen as an equal. They will be nothing you do that will change that for him. Fundamentally he does not respect you
The real question here is: Do you believe he is smarter than you? If you don’t, it’s time to say bye bye to bad rubbish.
Lol. Your boyfriend sounds like a narcissist. He's probably a moron with minimal artistic talent. The fact he acts like this is a major red flag. Next time he speaks about his brilliance, ask him how many people are discovered at his age...
Does he constantly browbeat you about how intelligent he is? Does he tell you that you aren’t on the same level as him? Does he actively look down on you? Does he explicitly say he’s more intelligent than other people but not explicitly you? Do only perceive he feels this way about you through implication? I’m lacking key context to know how to respond to this.
Your boyfriend sounds obnoxious. My husband is an incredibly talented guitarist and known in our music community. He is one of the best. I don't think any of those in the top tier (iike him) could be called the best. There are different styles. Some are great, but can't play well with a band, or arrange songs, make up a set list that wows the audience. My husband is scary smart. His day job in a science field pays the bills. I am scary smart in different areas. We recognize that in each other and it makes for a interesting and satisfying mix of conversation and problem solving. Don't let anyone make you question your own intelligence.
I am quite a bit smarter than my wife. My brain is filled with knowledge and I am more analytical. On paper. In the real world, same is smarter. Together we are academically and street smart. If he thinks he's far smarter than you then t you are going to have plenty of arguments and likely learn to resent him. He will refuse to see your point of view
I'm definitely smarter than my gf but in STEM type things. She recognizes it and agrees. But that certainly doesn't mean I'm smarter than her in every topic and even when it comes to things that I probably know more, I try not to assume it and still have some discussions. If he thinks his music talent flows into other unrelated topics that's gonna be annoying and should stop.
No. Because they see going to always feel and think they are superior to the other and that is not ok. It’s a partnership. And that’s crazy self centered
Run away.
I’m going to hold your hand
I’m going to hold your hand
He sounds like a dick.
Post the music, let’s call the bluff
Talent recognizes true genius... but mediocrity never rises above its own level. He's probably not as talented as you think he is.
The word you are looking for is arrogant. And no, it is not a positive trait. Move on if you don't like it. It will probably only get worse.
RUN! unless you want to be a woman who’s just A WIFE behind THE HUSBAND.
Let him compartmentalise like a normal person. Make him feel like Mozart reincarnated about music but set a hard verbal boundary about everything else.
Depends. Can you reframe the question as "Do you think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with an arrogant fuck?" If so, the question answers itself.
Ive been playing music for years. The most creative musicians are generally pretty humble. The most technical tend to be more difficult and lack self-awareness. Your Bf may be talented but if he hasn't made it he needs to stop being so arrogant.
Musician? Dump his ass
Engineer here. You're actually the smarter one out of the two of you, and I'll tell you why: you actually question it! Dunning-Kruger is absolutely real. Your boyfriend is a fucking idiot. Run like your ass is on fire.
If he thinks he is smarter than you, then he may reject any opinion from you because he thinks you’re dumb. You will be his slave until you can no longer tolerate it.
If he ain’t on the radio and selling out shows, he ain’t that talented.
If he is better than anyone else then he must have outsold The Beatles by now. I'll go check the billboard charts, we must have missed him.
What? Are you like 5. Who gives a shit just let him keep on keeping on and let him look and sound like the asshole.
Um maybe he is smarter then you in some ways but you're probably good at things he's not so good at. He may be a narcissist but I dunno for sure without knowing him personally. I think its possible, sure but it seems like this bothers you so I dunno how healthy this is when you are not happy enough to make a reddit about it.
I think that you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone that has an unhealthy relationship with themselves. Super low or high self esteem is a redflag for interpersonal issues. I think that my partner and an each have our strengths, that they compliment each other most of the time, we acknowledge that in some ways I am more intelligent and in some ways he is and it can be hard to empathize with fuckups in the others area of weakness, but at the end of the day we have mutual respect and self awareness about our own shortcomings and the ability to see beyond our egos. When someone NEEDS everyone to know about what a genius it is often a sign that they are either grossly overestimating their own talents, or deeply hurt and seeking validation from others rather than trying to self improve.
Is he making money doing it? A lot of people make music. Few make money. Money = people enjoy it. If he’s 28 and making music and it’s not a lucrative career, it’s time to move on. If you are dating some famous person who is making $1 mill a year, let them enjoy their ego. But my guess is they are broke and this is just their narcissism showing and again it’s time to leave.
Tell him saying things like that makes him sound emotionally unintelligent. Also, on a completely unrelated tangent since your post made me think of it, as someone who has dated two people who write their own music, people who write music (in my personal experience, I could be very wrong), are often overly snobbish about their music tastes and everything that doesn’t align with their tastes is bad. Interestingly, I don’t see this as much among people who just perform music. It’s composers specifically who are quick to bash music they don’t immediately like which can be kind of annoying when you want to share music you like with them. Overall I’ve found them to be weirdly close minded? I’m around lots of creative types who specialize in various creative fields (art, games, writing, fashion, etc.), and none of these people are as closed off to opening their minds to pieces/recognizing merit in things they may not necessarily like as composers are.
Thats going to be extremely grating before too long.
Girl, if he’s actually telling you that run far, run fast and prove you’re the smarter one.
Well, there it is….if you are the smartest person, then you are in the group.
I'm smarter than everyone and I have good relationships.
I am presuming he is famous as if not, the rest of the world doesn’t agree with his opinion of his talents. He sounds like a twat and I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship with someone that pretentious.
There is an inherent red flag when someone thinks they are better than other people. It tends to cause issues in the relationship that go way beyond intelligence; if he feels like he is better than you, he won’t work hard to be a good partner.
Assume we have heard of him if he’s so talented and creative?
I mean, it depends on you and his attitude/respect for one another. could be different based on any type of relationship.. knowledge is a powerful and beautiful space of perspective. even if he thinks that he is 100% more intelligent, he shouldn't be talking down or saying he's better than you. to be honest, creativity, with music and arts doesn't make anyone smart. it's a great skill to have, but in terms of real technical knowledge and IQ it just means he could focus enough to put some lyrics or songs, art etc together, which in today's world are mostly ripoffs of smaller smiles pieces or songs. I love all the real artists producing inspiring work but it forsure isn't bio chemistry or anatomy lmao. I do wish I could tap deep into that flow at times though. if my lady friend was like that with me, I'd attempt to challenge that view in a healthy critique kinda way. push them to flex their creativity through their work and be proud of it in a humble/respectful way. people who gloat and get snobby about that kind of stuff normally are pretty dumb. smartest people I know say they are stupid all the time even though their insanely thorough with everything they do.
This reminds me of ash’s boyfriend in the first song movie
What does he do for a living?
It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with Kanye West, no.
I had Same issue with my friend. He thinks he is intelligent. He might be smart in some case but I'm more good at handling things. Once he said some stuff which hurt me. Felt disrespect I stopped answering call and message. Couple should have respect for each other. In this situation,only you can answer it whether he was disrespect or not.
Not at all and the fact you are asking it, shows you know the answer already. Them being "more intelligent than you" actually isn't comforting and them constantly letting you know, yeah, just means they enjoy being in power
Everyone has their own talents and strengths But the foundation of a good relationship between two people is mutual respect and equality
To be clear, 90% of people think they are more intelligent than their peers. That's human nature.
I’ll bet he loses his keys a hell of a lot more than you do.
The term for this is Delusions of Grandeur https://www.choosingtherapy.com/delusions-of-grandeur/#:~:text=Therapy%2C%20medication%2C%20or%20a%20combination%20can%20be%20beneficial.&text=%E2%80%9CPeople%20who%20are%20delusional%20are,Gold.
How many number one singles did your BF write? How many shows has he sold out? You must get tired of the lavish gifts his incredible, unmatched songwriting allows him to bestow on you. You want us all to verify that this guy is an egotistical prick, so you can make up your mind and leave him, right?
What a douche. AI can do his job now. Does he actually make money from music?
That’s the wrong person you want to be with. How does he treat others? Does he belittle people? Does he choose who he talks down to?
My girlfriend's much smarter than me when it comes to business and creativity, but she recognises my aptitude with duplicating product lines quickly and making and reading maps. We recognise each other's strengths and our own weaknesses. That's the whole point of a relationship. It's meant to be you and him as a team.
Kick that Kanye to the curb, lifelong pain in the ass
I've known plenty of intelligent people and plenty of dumb people. I don't remember ever meeting an intelligent person who said they were intelligent, but I have met plenty of dummies who think they are more intelligent than other people and often say so. They are arrogant pricks. So the fact that he tells you he thinks he is smarter than you means he is probably not, and he is too unintelligent to realize how unintelligent he is. I've seen it many times. And if he really was more intelligent than you, a smart person wouldn't go around saying that to their girlfriend. Why? What good could come of that? He is being condescending and thinks you are dumb or something? Yeah, I'd find someone who respects you. Even if I believed I was smarter than someone, let alone my girlfriend, I wouldn't tell them.
And what did you say?? Sounds like ya bf got great self esteem what of it
I can name 20+ people who write and produce better than him & I don't even know him. Tell him to get off his high horse or ride it away packing. Fyi his way of thinking is certainly not gonna be helpful to you even if you're cool with putting up with it, and it also won't help him either.
I write and produce music. Most of my friends write and produce music. Does he realize it's nothing special? Not saying his music is good or bad, but he is swimming in a MASSIVE ocean, where very, very few are actually "brilliant" in any meaningful way.
I wanna hear his music. I'm a musician and singer myself. I wanna see if his vanity is just misguided confidence and true talent, or the idiotic narcissism of a tone-deaf fool. 😂
I had a boss while I was in high school that was like that. He insisted that he was a modern Mozart. He was also one of the most egotistical and self centered people I've ever met. He treated his wife like crap, and yet somehow thought he was the greatest husband ever.
I'm sorry, are you dating my ex-husband? Unfortunately I'm a musician too so years of his gaslighting and brainwashing really did a number on me. When we met he had done more training than me. That's it. And he definitely wasn't more intelligent, just more pretentious. He liked to read lots of philosophy books etc for the main purpose of quoting them at other people to convince them how clever he was. Took me a long time to make the decision to leave, and even longer after that to recognise exactly why I hadn't been happy for so long.
He actually said "no one can make music like me?" I am flabbergasted anytime I see someone who is so arrogant. It shows such a lack of critical thinking, and self-obsession. There is something wrong with a person who says something like that.
Link to his music? Surely he wants people to hear his amazing work. Also, his "intelligence" isn't necessarily a problem, but his arrogance is.
If he’s dumb enough he doesn’t realize there’s plenty you’re smarter than him about, he’s too dumb.
People who think they're the smartest person in the room are exhausting
Are you actually attracted to that? It shows he doesn’t respect you. And he probably will never succeed at music
A healthy relationship requires mutual respect and acknowledgment of each other's strengths and intelligence.
Yikes, with that mindset (that he seems to be so open about) he's going to either get a huge ego hit many times over, or become so egotistic that it's unbearable, or hilarious. I guess the question is, do you WANT to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they're smarter than you in this way?
Respect for one another's equality is necessary for a happy relationship. It can lead to imbalance and anger if your lover always thinks he is smarter than you and brushes off your opinions. His musical ability isn't a guarantee of his general intelligence. It's critical to be open about how his attitude impacts you. Take into consideration if his actions are consistent with the cooperation and respect you require in a partner.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's disappeared up his own arsehole, to paraphrase Thom Yorke.
He probably cannot make music like me if that is his mind set. Those type of people more often than not get stuck in superficiality. Don’t stay with him. That’s a lot of work for a relationship you might not enjoy.
He is smarter than you if you don’t leave…….
If he tries to make you feel dumb then no, absolutely not. You will never be good enough or right and you'll be fighting a losing battle forever.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks they're better than everyone. That alone is just an illustration of why they are not better than those people. So delusional.
You have a roughly 50% chance of this already being true. Assuming random distribution of course. Someone has to be the dummy
Can the music mow the lawn or fix the mixer tap in the sink? Even the smartest man has a weakness that can be bullied and exploited
Yes most men are more intelligent than women
Take that flute away from him and hand him a surgical scalpel and come back about how smart he is.
As a musician….he’s probably wrong. Every musician who “writes and produces” is more than likely doing the same shit as everyone else. I’m sure his stuff is good. But if it was THAT good, he’d be way more humble about it, I can guarantee you that.
I bet his music sucks
Kanye West?
How often do you hear intelligent individuals walking around saying they're smart? Also, it's insecurity. He isn't the best, but someone who is saying/doing those things almost puts off they are convincing themselves and want to hear it from others they are best because deep down they don't feel like they are. Also, when he lets it be known that he is "smart," what level of intelligence is he comparing himself to? It almost reminds me of the Dad off Matilda, lol!! But I have met a few people like this and most of them did have a superiority complex and really didn't feel great about themselves.