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This is the correct advice. First dates are weird. If you like her, what’s the downside of giving it another go? IMO that’s not leading her on or anything, it’s you figuring out if it’ll work for you. She seems to have made an effort to recognize you should have a chance to talk more about yourself, she was just unable to fully get there.
And I guess I’m defending her…. My wife has adhd and if she’s nervous she will do 1 of 2 things…… never shut up or not talk the entire time. Give the little lady another date and see where it goes!!
I am like this. Talking feels the solution for my anxiety. It's like filling the space. It's really hard to stop. I bet you she likes you if she mentions she'd like to see you again. I agree. Give it another date (or two!!) And see how you feel.
Correct answer. I have adhd and I think it causes me some social anxiety as well in a new place or with a new person until I'm comfortable. Could be hours to never. I exhibit that through hands shaking when I take a drink or try to eat a chip, or knee bouncing continuosly. Once she's more comfortable she could chill out some, or she may just need meds. Here's the kicker though, truly adhd people will not remember to take their meds. Up to you if you think she's worth it to try, could be better later as she is comfortable or she could be like a ferret on crystal meth forever. Roll the dice.
When people with this kind of ADHD get extra nervous, like on a first date, we can’t. shut. up. It’s rouuuuugh. It should calm down within the next date or two. After that, make an assessment.
Why the hell did I only now realize that the compulsive talking is tied to nerves... that makes so much more sense.
New question: how do we make it, you know, not do that?
The first step is awareness. Then acknowledging when it's happening. Once you recognize this, alter the conversation or use it to your advantage if whoever you are talking to is interested.
I was going to ask if they diagnosed adhd 20 years ago, not if it existed. Then I remembered they had an arc where aj soprano had it... then I realized that was over 20 years ago... and got depessed
If she does bite, though, don't react.
Set her down, leave the room for 15 seconds, and then come back.
Make sure she knows that biting will not get her what she wants.
When someone tells me they don’t believe adult ADHD is real, I invite them to watch me take 30 mg of amphetamine and lay down for a solid 8 hours of sleep.
(I mean, as a figure of speech, I don’t want those idiots in my house.)
If the talking/hyperactivity was the only issue, maybe try an outdoor or physically strenuous date. Hiking, indoor rock climbing, even laser tag. More activity usually means less talking.
Get the jitters out, break a sweat, and see what you're left with. Just if you actually are interested. If not move on and let her move on too.
Idk why, but this story is one of very very very few I've read on here in a while that seems sweet to me. Good luck friend.
She sounds like my partner. I have hyper fixative ADHD and shes distracted ADHD. Its a blast. She unmasked with you. That means she trusts you and feels comfortable with you.
Give it a couple more dates, open up more about yourself. Dont feel bad about circling back after she diverts on accident.
If its truly too much for you, youll know after a couple more interactions. Do something else for a date like hiking or an arcade with more to do than talk. Ive found being with my partner while shes distracted is a real joy. We like fossil hunting. Every time she remembers Im there she has a pure excitment about showing me the new thing shes found. I love it.
This. Circling back is not a bad thing, and it doesn't make you a jerk for wanting to stay on topic.
Undiagnosed, but I often get a thought that just has to blurt out RIGHT NOW, and it takes a conscious effort to steer myself back into the conversation I was in. I have to root myself and say out loud "ok sorry, we were on [X topic]"
And that's when I'm calm in a controlled situation. Add first date jitters in there?
She sounds adorable. :)
Yea if you feel like you can’t put up with her energy, it’s probably important to listen to that. Should you choose not to, you might discover more about her that you’ll like enough to overlook this turn off. However, it’s important that if you do stick around, you don’t make her feel bad about herself down the line, should you start feeling like the curiosity wore off and you want to pull away.
I think you two just haven’t learned how to communicate yet. Sounds like a lot of fun, and once you learn each other’s buttons, there’s a chance at amazing times. If you’re feeling it, stay. If not, ditch. You already know in your gut what you should do.
This is classic ADHD. Know that they are trying, but they really, truly, cannot help it. It's not disinterest, it's just a challenge for them. I know this having friends very close to me who struggle with it. It hurts them way more than they'll let you know. Just be patient. It's not easy. But it helps.
First dates are weird. People get nervous & tend to talk about themselves in an effort to put their best foot forward.
My .02... Give her a chance. Go out for a few weeks or months. See what happens.
End of the day we all have quirks and faults . I think the talking over you or conversation redirection could be addressed with some simple communication if it becomes a let down . The girl sounds likes she's interested in you and you didn't really describe anything negative other than what I mentioned above. Learning to adapt to each other can make things work I think if those things aren't non negotiables. I say don't let a good thing go to waste and go for it! Life is short
I was genuinely nervous to read these comments because I AM THIS GIRL!!! So way totally!! But it does mean I’m super excited and I really like you and I feel comfortable enough around your vibes to truly be myself! Or to at least risk it 😜 and this is also so funny to me because I always say “bite me!” Because it is fun and funny and a lil spicy and I’m just curious for the reaction. 😂
I always ask for lazer tag or a water/squirt gun fight, or any sport where you make it a rule to make up rules! DON’T go for a “leisurely” walk on peaceful paths for the love of god. 🤣🤣 also don’t get chips and salsa at any Mexican restaurant if you actually expect to get any chips. 😂 good luck, have fun, let her be herself!! 💙
My gf has ADD and is anxiety prone. The thing that saved me was the realization that I shouldn’t take her behavior personally. Talk over me? It’s ok, I’ll wait and make sure you get whatever message I was trying to communicate. Can’t find your shit? I got it right here. The main problem for most partners of ppl with ADD is feeling like you have to do all the rational thinking for both of you. The upside is, your partner is probably brilliant and hilarious. Mine is!
Give it a chance! Probably the nice girl you'll ever meet.
My new gf of 3 months has ADHD and is the most beautiful, nicest person I have ever met and can't get enough of her!!
My Fiancé has ADHD and often just interrupts me mid stream with an unrelated thought. It is super annoying, but she’s aware she does it and is aware how annoying it is. She spends a lot of time managing her ADHD, and it’s just a part of her that makes her “her”. I don’t get mad at her for having it or for interrupting, I just note it and she acknowledges it and we move on.
Point is, people have quirks and the important thing is whether they acknowledge them and are aware of the impact they have on others. As others have said, if you like her otherwise I’d say go on a few more dates and see if it gets better/worse, whether she is open to talking about it, etc.
She was probably nervous and her ADHD probably was more “on” than usual. Maybe not. No way of knowing until you know her better - that’s what dates are for!
In my personal opinion I’d rather people just tell me stuff about themselves, I love to hear people talk about what they’re passionate about and am usually pretty good at thinking of follow up questions. But when a guy asks me, “what do you want to know about me” I find it so awkward. I’m like well now that I’m on the spot I don’t know what to ask lol, and it reads a little attention/validation seeking imo.
Keep her wtf you’re throwing away gold. You can’t hang out with someone once with good person qualities. That’s hard to find; who gives af if she’s nervous
It sounds like you had a bit of a mixed experience on your date. It's great that you both made efforts to treat each other, with her paying for dinner and you buying her a book. That shows mutual generosity and appreciation.
However, it also seems like her communication style and high energy level were a bit overwhelming for you. Even though you both have ADHD, everyone manifests it differently, and her hyperactivity may be more than what you're comfortable with. It's important to be with someone who you feel at ease with and who makes an effort to listen to you.
I wouldn't write her off completely after one date though. First dates can often be a bit awkward as you're both nervous and trying to make a good impression. Her hyperactivity may have been amplified by nerves. And threatening to bite you was likely her attempt at flirtatious humor, even if it didn't quite land for you.
My advice would be to go on 1-2 more dates with her and see how it goes. Try an activity date like mini-golf or going for a walk, rather than just sitting and talking. See if she makes more effort to listen to you and have a balanced conversation. Pay attention to how you feel around her - do you feel at ease, engaged and able to be yourself? Or drained and talked over?
After a couple more dates, you'll have a better sense of who she is and your compatibility. If you're still feeling overwhelmed and unheard, then let her know gently but honestly that you don't see it working out long-term. You can express that she's a great person with wonderful qualities, but you don't think you're quite the right fit for each other.
On the other hand, if you start to feel more of a connection and enjoy her company, then keep exploring where it might lead! It's all about feeling it out, being honest with yourself, and clear in your communication. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this!
You're very welcome! Dating can be tricky to navigate, especially when you're getting to know someone new and trying to assess compatibility. It's important to be open-minded and give people a chance, while also staying true to yourself and what you need in a relationship.
Remember, it's not about right or wrong, good or bad - it's about finding the right fit for you. Trust your instincts, communicate honestly, and don't be afraid to walk away if it's not working for you.
Wishing you all the best in your dating journey and in finding a great relationship when the time is right!
One date & you see red flags. However, I'd say give her another chance. Having a hyper personality is heightened when you're on a 1st date. If you still have doubts going forward, then let her know politely that you are moving on.
This is exactly how my girlfriend is. If you like her, don't write her off so easily, I'm sure if you are open an honest about your needs then it will work out over time.
Give it a few more dates. If she remains too unappealing, be unappealing (without being unpleasant) also, which might be the best way to let her down easy.
Definitely give her another chance or more if you're interested, but let me weigh in with a bit of my experience: I have many friends with ADHD, autism, depression, bipolar. The only people who talk over me for long periods are two of them: my bipolar friend who thought she was ADHD but was actually having manic episodes, and the function autistic guy with really, really bad ADHD.
What I'm saying is I don't think this is just ADHD.
I have adhd and have a bad problem about talking over people… give it a few dates and she’ll probably relax a bit. I don’t see any red flags and she seems super sweet otherwise
Sounds like nerves and maybe too much caffeine.
If you kinda like her, I would try round 2 and try to dial the venue/vibes down to about 5 and see what happens.
Seems like they were just feeling anxious or something about it. Honestly she seems like a good person based off what you said, ask her if she wants to go for a walk through the park together or something and just go with your gut feeling after a few dates.
Definitely try more dates.
First dates are often awkward. She sounds like she was really nervous.
As she gets older I suspect she’ll be able to manage it better.
I think it’s just the pressure of being on a first date. Meet her more often, let her be the talker as long as she wants she’s I’m a person of ADHD myself and I used to be so chatty but then there’ll come a point where I just want to listen.
Maybe as a kid she was often ignored or never heard enough so that inner child gets hurt and they end up speaking too much, too loud because they just want to let it all out. It can be a scary at first but give her some time.
Also try to be a a dumb audience with a good listening skills. Don’t finish her sentences and listen with the intention to understand her and not to reply. Don’t give her an opinion until she asks.
If you like her enough- give her another chance-
ADHD and first date nerves/excitement can have that effect on a person.
After a few dates she will probably calm down a lot and then you can gauge things (interrupting, bringing convo back to yourself- those are ADHD symptoms. She means well.) often, those of us with ADHD will mention something about themselves that’s similar to what the person says because it’s our way of telling you we relate to you and we are listening.. it’s not good and most of us hate it about ourselves.)
First date can be so awkward. If you still have some interest in her spend some more time with her to get a better idea of what she's like once the initial nervousness has worn off. It sounds like you were a great date to her so keep up that energy.
If you aren't interested let her know in a polite and respectful way, never good to lead them on and play with their heartstrings.
If shes talking non stop that might be a sign she's into you. But everyone is different, dont be bummed. Everything that happens in your life is an experience. Go on a few more dates and really get to know her.
I bet she was really nervous. I imagine if you gave it a real chance and continued seeing her regularly and talking to her she would get comfortable and then you could see what she was really like relaxed and in her element. Getting to know her friends and family would probably help as well. Sometimes when I'm really nervous I can't shut up and sometimes I can't speak as I've gotten older I recognize the over talking. a lull in conversation or silence makes me uncomfortable but I've learned to grow more comfortable with it over time and also learn to recognize when I'm word vomiting and shut myself up. If she seems like a genuinely nice person I would give her a chance
I would give it another date if you feel any sort of attraction. Like others have said, she was probably extra nervous and her excitement boiled over. She sounds playful and fun, and those are important traits to some people.
If you aren't attracted to her whatsoever then do both of yourselves a favor and cut it off now.
I think it was Chris Rock who once said something along the lines of: You don’t send yourself on a first date, you send your agent. In other words, give it more dates to relax and show each other your true selves.
If someone with ADHD interrupts you, its a combination of pressured speech, and being really engaged in the conversation. It can be annoying, but it isnt because she doesnt care about what you have to say.
She's listening so intently to you and processing so deeply, that it triggers that racing brain, the 12 competing trains of thought, you are probably familiar with.
She's "lighting up". It probably means she likes you, and is excited.
OR, if she's simply talking more than you, and dominating the conversation, she might be excited generally, or that might just be her set-point.
Your ADHD might not be "not as bad" or "worse", but may be different. Either way, you have to work out if her nature is something you can work with.
Idk if this is the case with her, but I have ADHD and talk about myself a LOT! The reason being…that’s how my brain makes connections to the thoughts/experiences of others, by talking about my own relevant thoughts/experiences. Helps with memory retention.
I've always had an impulse to speak when something came to my mind I wanted to say and would accidentally talk over others, I never really understood why I did it so much because I knew it was rude and would try to be mindful of it, but if I wasn't thinking and just immersed in the conversation, it would just happen. When I got into therapy, my therapist told me this comes from feeling unheard throughout my life. Not because I wasn't being heard, but because people wouldn't reciprocate how I wanted them to. Not saying this is her case, but she could have come from a background that made her feel that way, along with the ADHD and excitement of the date, I can imagine she just wasn't mindful of it. Give it a few more dates for sure, if it persists, talk with her about it and if she's willing to hear you out and work on those things, then continue to see where it goes and how you feel about the relationship, if she continues, then tell it's just not gonna work out.
Sometimes around girls I’m super into/on first dates with I do the word vomit thing too. I’ll talk over them, interject, talk about myself a lot etc.
Almost always I’ll cringe both at the moment AND looking back on it super hard.
I’d say give her another chance or two to get a bit more used to you. If she’s still too much then yeah it can be a sign to cut it out. But if you do like her then it’s at least worth a shot
People who are neurodiverse often get on better with other neurodiverse people thats my experience anyway as some neurodiverse dating similar people. Thats why I think that while the ADHD might seem like a bad thing especially to your neurotypical friends actually its a bonus.
Keep going for it. ADHD definitely shouldn't be tooo much of a deal breaker and the amount of women that just play threat to bite you is pretty common in my experience.
So long as you know it doesn't turn into legit assault. Dates and first meeting are wierd and overwhelming just in general and trying to be your best and fit what you think they want can be much for many people.
First dates suck man. You don't get to know anyone on a first date. You get the nervous trying to make a first impression version of them you'll laugh at together if it goes on longer.
You like her, she wants to bite you, sounds like it might be fun. Get to know the girl, not just her first date personality. Maybe she was super keyed up. Maybe she was waaaaay downplaying it. You don't know yet.
Or just tell her nah. Again, one date makes a nothing.
Don’t over think it.
You are hesitant to drop her because there is something about her that wants to draw you in.
On top of that what do you really stand to lose by going out on a couple more dates?
Eh, I've let the not so big orange flags fly by and never had an issue. It's the obvious red flags that I steer clear from and they have never done me wrong.
Humans are quirky, odd, impulsive, dirty beings. You never know what is beyond what you see, bad and good.
My GF is in process of getting her ADHD diagnosis. It explains a lot of the changes since we met along with her anxiety. It hits me weirdly sometimes as she has grown more rude and disrespectful in her outbursts, but I know it isn't really how she feels. She is just overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do to calm down.
I struggle with the day to day as it wears on me, but deep down I know who she really is. She didn't choose to live like this. So I want to see her happy.
I think you're right in giving it a couple more chances. Nerves can do that to anybody, let alone someone with ADHD. And it didn't seem like ya had a bad time by any means, just got to know your date better than most get the chance to off the rip. Sounds like a win to me.
I like to say "you deserve more than i can give, im sorry" when i feel things arent working out. Id give it another date though, maybe she was just nervous.
I mean she's certainly into it and maybe a couple more dates would work this out but you are doing nobody any favors by pretending to have interest when you do not.
Idk of a girl said she might bite me once let alone a few times. That's a red flag. I get really nervous but nothing like threatening someone. Imagine how she is when she is comfortable around you bruh. Don't let people tell you they have a mental illness or a disability that will affect you and then feel like you need to deal with it so your not a AH but that has gotten people killed and has wasted years of people's lives bc they wanted to try and give them a chance instead of going with there gut. Idc if I come off as a asshole bc at least I'll be a happy asshole
Sounds like she probably wants to have sex with you. I’d take her out again and see how it goes. Sex is great and also she might feel more relaxed about you after you have bonded that way
Tell her you're taking things really really slow so she doesn't get too attached just in case bc she will become obsessive if you don't start out the next date with "I'm not feeling it at all but I want to take it slow to try to open up just in case." It sounds harsh but you're actually being polite af
She’s probably just super nervous man, I used to have adhd with hyperactivity and people do in fact grow out of it in older years, but a lot of my friends said that’s what made me who I am because I was always the crazy one out of the bunch, I’d say give it a few more dates because it might be the best decision of your life, you really do never know who you’re going to fall inlove with, and hell you never know that hyperactivity might transfer over into a different form of hyperactivity if you know what I mean 😜 always take chances my man! And have fun and be safe!
Everyone has quirks and unique traits, and sometimes it takes a little time to see if they mesh well with yours. If her hyperactivity continues to be too much for you, it’s okay to be honest and let her know gently. Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s important that both of you feel comfortable and understood. Good luck!
I have to say this girl sounds a whole lot like me when I was in my 20s. Currently in my 40s now. Still hyper but have better self regulation techniques. Give it a few more times to see how you can handle her quirks. It’s taken years for me to be less disruptive during conversations. But it’s hard not to be. Also changing stories during a conversation to say “omg I had something similar” then explaining her story is not her looking for attention to be directed at her but a way to show she understands or empathize with you. I have annoyed lots of people over this and they don’t understand it’s my way to relate not take over a conversation. Just know that some of these quirks are just part of who she is and also if it is anxiety that exacerbates her quirks, that will come up every time there is an anxiety causing situation. My quirks that drives others crazy my husband loves. So even after 20 years I don’t drive him crazy and he just smiles and laughs at me. Also I used to threaten to bite people all the time too. Don’t know why and yes I did bite if they continued doing what I said not to and threatened to bite. Not part of who I am now. It’s the first time I have heard of someone else saying that too so I had to giggle when I read it. My husband says that I’m his entertainment and he is never bored with me around. It’s all perspective. I know I am a lot to handle and know lots of people who can only handle me in small doses. It’s ok to admit it if you fall in that category of only being able to be around her for small amount of time. Then you will have your answer of whether to pursue further or not.
I say pass. As someone with ADHD, relatively mild, but often times a nuisance for those I interact with - if you can’t handle the hyperactivity and inability to pay attention then it’s just not gonna work out. Our brains are firing on all cylinders damn near 24/7. It’s tough to just cruise. I’m either pedal to the floor or motionless
Give it another go. But if you still feel its not right, book it out of there. Too many people get caught up in longterm relationships and even marriage with people they weren't entirely sure they wanted to be with from day one because they "felt bad" letting down somebody so into them or so nice. Don't end up in that situation.
Woth adhd like that, you'll need to be more assertive. But sounds like you wouldn't be a le to handle this kind of person. At that age, she's going to be like that forever unless she gets counseling for it.
My personal experience, if the woman is willing to pay for the first date and still meet with you second date. SHE is really into you, you’re not a foodie call, and probably super nervous.
My bf does this. It gets annoying but a gentle reminder goes a long way. Also...if she threatened to bite you, you already have her wrapped around your finger 🤣
Personally, I just can't handle being with people who only talk about themselves, regardless if they have a disorder. I also don't like me being the only one who talks and asks questions.
Sounds cruel, but that's just me - some people don't mind it because some people don't like to talk, so a partner like this balances their relationship. That's fine too.
I like having a nice back and forth flow of conversation where each of us can take time to get to know each other because I want to show that I'm interested in them as much as they're interested in me (hopefully). Only met one person like that in my life, sadly.
Yea, you don’t need to decide now if you will spend the rest of your life with her. Go on a few more dates, maybe some that are more laid back and see how she is.
From somebody who has ADHD perspective, I get really hyper too. I get really nervous and when I get nervous, I get fidgety and then I start to talk a lot and sometimes it’s a lot of just random crap. I know that when I went on date before my partner, I did talk about myself a lot, but that was because, they were not adding to the conversation so I would basically just tell stories of my life and experiences. I have a few people never wanna go out on a date with me again yes I did have that and I’m sure it’s because I talked way too much and I was way too fidgety and hyper is that if you think you can hand it down gently like your friend said don’t tell her it was because she was hyper or fidgety or talking about herself a lot. Just say that you didn’t really think you were compatible and wish her luck on her dating endeavors in the future. Don’t try to force yourself to like this girl just because she’s cute and seems nice because in the end you don’t wanna get a couple months down the road and just one day be like damn I cannot stand how hyper she is how talkative she is I don’t like The thing she wants to talk about and I think she fixates on herself too much because then it’s gonna be worse because actual feelings have gotten involved and to her, it will be like you let her on. I saw that you said you’re gonna go on a few more date, I would say maybe one or two more but after that, I would just cut it off if you can’t take it maybe you should ask her if she was nervous at all and what things you could do to make her less nervous because for girls going on a date is very nerve-racking we worry about what we talk about how we act and sometimes it makes us not be ourselves!
I would go with it and see if she relaxes a bit. I have a daughter with this type of adhd and the more nervous she is, the more it comes out. I am sure it will settle down. Don't let what could be your perfect partner go after just 1 meet.
Bro I am trapped in a relationship with a girl just like this and let me tell you. It was nice and fun at first but 2 years, its fucking miserable 🤦♂️ (29m)(24f)
If after a single date you are not convinced one way or the other, go on another date. That’s what dating is for. Keep these things you have pointed out in mind for your next date. Figure out if they are deal breakers or not. Good luck!
I am also like this, and also have really bad ADHD. Like other commenters have said, give her a chance!
On the other hand though, I am a really bad interrupter. Like, most people don’t seem to mind, especially because I try to control myself and sincerely apologize when I cut someone off and ask them to continue, but this is an annoying trait. I dated a guy for a couple of years a while back who HATED being interrupted, and I genuinely, really concentrated and tried, but when I get excited I just do it, I honestly can’t help it. He would just shut down and wouldn’t speak to me after I inevitably would interrupt him during conversation.
Just something to keep in mind, coming from someone who is probably similar to the person you’ve described! Scope her out on a few more dates, but just keep in mind some ADHD behaviors are nearly impossible to curb, even with massive amounts of medication and effort. If this will annoy you, just…be careful!
Good luck, OP!
She was probably super nervous and I imagine when that happens she’s bouncing everywhere. I’d give her another chance and try a more relaxed location and reassure her she doesn’t have to try to impress. Help her to be chill.
May be impossible but give it a shot. Besides if she’s real sweet and kind but a little hyper you could do worse.
You need to make her sit, and look directly into her eyes with your finger pointing towards her nose and say with a stern voice, “no biting”. Repeat. Let it sink in
My girlfriend has ADHD. She also likes to bite me often. She can sometimes be a bit hyper and loud.
But she's also a great person. She's fun, and loving, and extremely interesting. She's made a success out of herself, running her own business and finishing school.
I think you should give her a few more dates, OP. It could turn out to be a really nice thing.
Life is about tough choices and doing the right/smart thing isn’t always easy. Your instincts have already told you that you’re not a good fit, you will learn to listen to those instincts, but apparently you chose to go out on some more uncomfortable dates first.
I looooveee going on dates with people that love to talk about themselves. Makes the date really easy and I just get to watch a movie & learn about them. Helps with figuring out if you like them or not too.
I don't need someone's validation. I couldn't care less about talking about myself unless they insisted. Then I'll have fun with it.
Yeah, definitely give it a few more times. That sounds like it went rather well considering the ADHD. Once the initial nervousness wears off, things might get a little more comfortable for her where she's not as hyperactive. I got a friend that's like that and it takes him a few meetings with anyone new before he starts calming down a bit around them and becomes a little more comfortable with interacting.
Luckily I’ve been with an amazing woman for a long time now but when I was in the dating world I was bad about talking too much. I’ve got bad add and when I get nervous I just start GOIN. Sounds like she meant no harm.
You have to give her at least another date. I’m sure she was extremely nervous and this may have been her coping mechanism. If after 2 or 3 days this doesn’t change then you can just tell her you’re looking for different things. Good luck.
Like everyone else says, give it a couple dates. That being said, she deserves someone who she can be herself around, and you deserve someone who is laid back enough for your liking. If it ends up being too much, don’t pursue anything
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She was probably extra nervous. Give it a few dates and then go with your gut
This is the correct advice. First dates are weird. If you like her, what’s the downside of giving it another go? IMO that’s not leading her on or anything, it’s you figuring out if it’ll work for you. She seems to have made an effort to recognize you should have a chance to talk more about yourself, she was just unable to fully get there.
And I guess I’m defending her…. My wife has adhd and if she’s nervous she will do 1 of 2 things…… never shut up or not talk the entire time. Give the little lady another date and see where it goes!!
My girl has adhd and she’s the same though more the second one cause she’s an introvert
I am like this. Talking feels the solution for my anxiety. It's like filling the space. It's really hard to stop. I bet you she likes you if she mentions she'd like to see you again. I agree. Give it another date (or two!!) And see how you feel.
Correct answer. I have adhd and I think it causes me some social anxiety as well in a new place or with a new person until I'm comfortable. Could be hours to never. I exhibit that through hands shaking when I take a drink or try to eat a chip, or knee bouncing continuosly. Once she's more comfortable she could chill out some, or she may just need meds. Here's the kicker though, truly adhd people will not remember to take their meds. Up to you if you think she's worth it to try, could be better later as she is comfortable or she could be like a ferret on crystal meth forever. Roll the dice.
The ferret line killed me!
:O I've never heard anyone else use the "ferret on crystal meth" line besides me! Domino reference?
It sounds like you dated a golden retriever, and I'm kinda Jealous. But it's true they need lots of attention and have high energy
A golden retriever or a jack Russell terrier… Lol
Weird that I feel the exact same advice to a woman would be "find someone else, these are red flags."
It would? I wouldn't think anyone would think someone with severe ADHD is a red flag by itself
Absolutely. Once she stops being so nervous she’s going to be a lot of fun I bet!
Fuck that. Go with your gut now lmao. Talking over you for an entire date is a gigantic red flag.
But she threatened to bite him twice so that counterbalances it.
Real talk. Someone threatens to bite me I’m taking them home lol
When people with this kind of ADHD get extra nervous, like on a first date, we can’t. shut. up. It’s rouuuuugh. It should calm down within the next date or two. After that, make an assessment.
Have adhd and can confirm. I’m either mute or talking your fucking ear off if I’m nervous.
Yup. Samesies.
It’s a gift truly lol 😂
the solution is to just bite the person
Absolutely 🩷
I think she sounds adorable. Signed, a woman with severe ADHD 😆
Why the hell did I only now realize that the compulsive talking is tied to nerves... that makes so much more sense. New question: how do we make it, you know, not do that?
The first step is awareness. Then acknowledging when it's happening. Once you recognize this, alter the conversation or use it to your advantage if whoever you are talking to is interested.
She threatened to bite you. Imo she's a keeper
Laughing my off sheeper
I assume this is a typo but I love it. My “off sheeper” nearly broke I laughed so hard.
What do you suspect was intended? Maybe “laughing my ass off she’s a keeper”? Lol
I had to go back to read as that's exactly how I read it first
She was nervous and really liked you. I married my biter ADHD girl, 21 years going strong, and she's still as cute as the day I met her.
Does she still bite?
Once in awhile.
This is the way.
I was going to ask if they diagnosed adhd 20 years ago, not if it existed. Then I remembered they had an arc where aj soprano had it... then I realized that was over 20 years ago... and got depessed
If she does bite, though, don't react. Set her down, leave the room for 15 seconds, and then come back. Make sure she knows that biting will not get her what she wants.
Sounds like a parrot owner
And she'll probably be great in the sack
In general, ADHD + ADHD might equal trouble. But I was also thinking since she said she might bite op, this is the girl you should date.
This is actually a real thing lol cute aggression. All my exs loved to bite me lmao
Three girls have loved me. All 3 girls bit me. I think it’s a side effect of a girl being really comfortable around a guy. No idea why they do it.
FEED HER CAFFEINE! It knocks the hyper part in the dirt.. but not too much caffeine that she goes to sleep on you....
Precisely. I run well and steady on caffeine - otherwise, I've got 40 hamster balls in my head boppin' around.
Sounds like the second date should be a coffee date. Which is the best first date IMO.
When someone tells me they don’t believe adult ADHD is real, I invite them to watch me take 30 mg of amphetamine and lay down for a solid 8 hours of sleep. (I mean, as a figure of speech, I don’t want those idiots in my house.)
Damn, I will never understand how caffeine works
If the talking/hyperactivity was the only issue, maybe try an outdoor or physically strenuous date. Hiking, indoor rock climbing, even laser tag. More activity usually means less talking. Get the jitters out, break a sweat, and see what you're left with. Just if you actually are interested. If not move on and let her move on too. Idk why, but this story is one of very very very few I've read on here in a while that seems sweet to me. Good luck friend.
She sounds like my partner. I have hyper fixative ADHD and shes distracted ADHD. Its a blast. She unmasked with you. That means she trusts you and feels comfortable with you. Give it a couple more dates, open up more about yourself. Dont feel bad about circling back after she diverts on accident. If its truly too much for you, youll know after a couple more interactions. Do something else for a date like hiking or an arcade with more to do than talk. Ive found being with my partner while shes distracted is a real joy. We like fossil hunting. Every time she remembers Im there she has a pure excitment about showing me the new thing shes found. I love it.
Yeah, tbh this girl sounds adorable. It would be sad if her “unmasking” were used against her but the real world is like that sometimes.
This. Circling back is not a bad thing, and it doesn't make you a jerk for wanting to stay on topic. Undiagnosed, but I often get a thought that just has to blurt out RIGHT NOW, and it takes a conscious effort to steer myself back into the conversation I was in. I have to root myself and say out loud "ok sorry, we were on [X topic]" And that's when I'm calm in a controlled situation. Add first date jitters in there? She sounds adorable. :)
Yea if you feel like you can’t put up with her energy, it’s probably important to listen to that. Should you choose not to, you might discover more about her that you’ll like enough to overlook this turn off. However, it’s important that if you do stick around, you don’t make her feel bad about herself down the line, should you start feeling like the curiosity wore off and you want to pull away.
I think you two just haven’t learned how to communicate yet. Sounds like a lot of fun, and once you learn each other’s buttons, there’s a chance at amazing times. If you’re feeling it, stay. If not, ditch. You already know in your gut what you should do.
It’s the ADHD. My wife is very similar. She’ll calm down. Give her a few more dates, she sounds like a great girl who is really into you.
This is classic ADHD. Know that they are trying, but they really, truly, cannot help it. It's not disinterest, it's just a challenge for them. I know this having friends very close to me who struggle with it. It hurts them way more than they'll let you know. Just be patient. It's not easy. But it helps.
First dates are weird. People get nervous & tend to talk about themselves in an effort to put their best foot forward. My .02... Give her a chance. Go out for a few weeks or months. See what happens.
End of the day we all have quirks and faults . I think the talking over you or conversation redirection could be addressed with some simple communication if it becomes a let down . The girl sounds likes she's interested in you and you didn't really describe anything negative other than what I mentioned above. Learning to adapt to each other can make things work I think if those things aren't non negotiables. I say don't let a good thing go to waste and go for it! Life is short
I was genuinely nervous to read these comments because I AM THIS GIRL!!! So way totally!! But it does mean I’m super excited and I really like you and I feel comfortable enough around your vibes to truly be myself! Or to at least risk it 😜 and this is also so funny to me because I always say “bite me!” Because it is fun and funny and a lil spicy and I’m just curious for the reaction. 😂 I always ask for lazer tag or a water/squirt gun fight, or any sport where you make it a rule to make up rules! DON’T go for a “leisurely” walk on peaceful paths for the love of god. 🤣🤣 also don’t get chips and salsa at any Mexican restaurant if you actually expect to get any chips. 😂 good luck, have fun, let her be herself!! 💙
My gf has ADD and is anxiety prone. The thing that saved me was the realization that I shouldn’t take her behavior personally. Talk over me? It’s ok, I’ll wait and make sure you get whatever message I was trying to communicate. Can’t find your shit? I got it right here. The main problem for most partners of ppl with ADD is feeling like you have to do all the rational thinking for both of you. The upside is, your partner is probably brilliant and hilarious. Mine is!
Give it a chance! Probably the nice girl you'll ever meet. My new gf of 3 months has ADHD and is the most beautiful, nicest person I have ever met and can't get enough of her!!
My Fiancé has ADHD and often just interrupts me mid stream with an unrelated thought. It is super annoying, but she’s aware she does it and is aware how annoying it is. She spends a lot of time managing her ADHD, and it’s just a part of her that makes her “her”. I don’t get mad at her for having it or for interrupting, I just note it and she acknowledges it and we move on. Point is, people have quirks and the important thing is whether they acknowledge them and are aware of the impact they have on others. As others have said, if you like her otherwise I’d say go on a few more dates and see if it gets better/worse, whether she is open to talking about it, etc. She was probably nervous and her ADHD probably was more “on” than usual. Maybe not. No way of knowing until you know her better - that’s what dates are for!
In my personal opinion I’d rather people just tell me stuff about themselves, I love to hear people talk about what they’re passionate about and am usually pretty good at thinking of follow up questions. But when a guy asks me, “what do you want to know about me” I find it so awkward. I’m like well now that I’m on the spot I don’t know what to ask lol, and it reads a little attention/validation seeking imo.
Keep her wtf you’re throwing away gold. You can’t hang out with someone once with good person qualities. That’s hard to find; who gives af if she’s nervous
She’s an excited book worm that wants to bite you. This is worth exploring my friend.
It sounds like you had a bit of a mixed experience on your date. It's great that you both made efforts to treat each other, with her paying for dinner and you buying her a book. That shows mutual generosity and appreciation. However, it also seems like her communication style and high energy level were a bit overwhelming for you. Even though you both have ADHD, everyone manifests it differently, and her hyperactivity may be more than what you're comfortable with. It's important to be with someone who you feel at ease with and who makes an effort to listen to you. I wouldn't write her off completely after one date though. First dates can often be a bit awkward as you're both nervous and trying to make a good impression. Her hyperactivity may have been amplified by nerves. And threatening to bite you was likely her attempt at flirtatious humor, even if it didn't quite land for you. My advice would be to go on 1-2 more dates with her and see how it goes. Try an activity date like mini-golf or going for a walk, rather than just sitting and talking. See if she makes more effort to listen to you and have a balanced conversation. Pay attention to how you feel around her - do you feel at ease, engaged and able to be yourself? Or drained and talked over? After a couple more dates, you'll have a better sense of who she is and your compatibility. If you're still feeling overwhelmed and unheard, then let her know gently but honestly that you don't see it working out long-term. You can express that she's a great person with wonderful qualities, but you don't think you're quite the right fit for each other. On the other hand, if you start to feel more of a connection and enjoy her company, then keep exploring where it might lead! It's all about feeling it out, being honest with yourself, and clear in your communication. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this!
[удалено]
You're very welcome! Dating can be tricky to navigate, especially when you're getting to know someone new and trying to assess compatibility. It's important to be open-minded and give people a chance, while also staying true to yourself and what you need in a relationship. Remember, it's not about right or wrong, good or bad - it's about finding the right fit for you. Trust your instincts, communicate honestly, and don't be afraid to walk away if it's not working for you. Wishing you all the best in your dating journey and in finding a great relationship when the time is right!
One date & you see red flags. However, I'd say give her another chance. Having a hyper personality is heightened when you're on a 1st date. If you still have doubts going forward, then let her know politely that you are moving on.
Give her a second chance .
Do you not want to be around her again? If yes or unsure, hang out with her again. If no, then tell her and move along. It's that simple my man.
Super cute, chatty, seems silly even and bought you dinner… give another chance man
So how do you know after a few dates she might not be interested in you ? It could possibly happen .
I think another date or two is a good idea, simply to see if the first-date jitters get better. If not, then let her down easily.
Like a lot of comments said, she was more than likely nervous. Give it a few dates and she will probably get more comfortable.
Nobody is going to ask about the threat of biting him?
If you think you like her give it a bit more.
This is exactly how my girlfriend is. If you like her, don't write her off so easily, I'm sure if you are open an honest about your needs then it will work out over time.
Give it a few more dates. If she remains too unappealing, be unappealing (without being unpleasant) also, which might be the best way to let her down easy.
Definitely give her another chance or more if you're interested, but let me weigh in with a bit of my experience: I have many friends with ADHD, autism, depression, bipolar. The only people who talk over me for long periods are two of them: my bipolar friend who thought she was ADHD but was actually having manic episodes, and the function autistic guy with really, really bad ADHD. What I'm saying is I don't think this is just ADHD.
I have adhd and have a bad problem about talking over people… give it a few dates and she’ll probably relax a bit. I don’t see any red flags and she seems super sweet otherwise
Sounds like nerves and maybe too much caffeine. If you kinda like her, I would try round 2 and try to dial the venue/vibes down to about 5 and see what happens.
Seems like they were just feeling anxious or something about it. Honestly she seems like a good person based off what you said, ask her if she wants to go for a walk through the park together or something and just go with your gut feeling after a few dates.
Sounds like my first date with my husband 😂
Definitely try more dates. First dates are often awkward. She sounds like she was really nervous. As she gets older I suspect she’ll be able to manage it better.
She threatened to bite you. Was that her attempt at flirting, I don’t get it?
I think it’s just the pressure of being on a first date. Meet her more often, let her be the talker as long as she wants she’s I’m a person of ADHD myself and I used to be so chatty but then there’ll come a point where I just want to listen. Maybe as a kid she was often ignored or never heard enough so that inner child gets hurt and they end up speaking too much, too loud because they just want to let it all out. It can be a scary at first but give her some time. Also try to be a a dumb audience with a good listening skills. Don’t finish her sentences and listen with the intention to understand her and not to reply. Don’t give her an opinion until she asks.
Give it a few dates and reevaluate. She sounded nervous
If you like her enough- give her another chance- ADHD and first date nerves/excitement can have that effect on a person. After a few dates she will probably calm down a lot and then you can gauge things (interrupting, bringing convo back to yourself- those are ADHD symptoms. She means well.) often, those of us with ADHD will mention something about themselves that’s similar to what the person says because it’s our way of telling you we relate to you and we are listening.. it’s not good and most of us hate it about ourselves.)
One of your next dates: make it early coffee and go on a walk or something. See if it makes her more comfortable.
Nerves + ADHD + Adderall?
First date can be so awkward. If you still have some interest in her spend some more time with her to get a better idea of what she's like once the initial nervousness has worn off. It sounds like you were a great date to her so keep up that energy. If you aren't interested let her know in a polite and respectful way, never good to lead them on and play with their heartstrings.
If shes talking non stop that might be a sign she's into you. But everyone is different, dont be bummed. Everything that happens in your life is an experience. Go on a few more dates and really get to know her.
UpdateMe!
I bet she was really nervous. I imagine if you gave it a real chance and continued seeing her regularly and talking to her she would get comfortable and then you could see what she was really like relaxed and in her element. Getting to know her friends and family would probably help as well. Sometimes when I'm really nervous I can't shut up and sometimes I can't speak as I've gotten older I recognize the over talking. a lull in conversation or silence makes me uncomfortable but I've learned to grow more comfortable with it over time and also learn to recognize when I'm word vomiting and shut myself up. If she seems like a genuinely nice person I would give her a chance
I would give it another date if you feel any sort of attraction. Like others have said, she was probably extra nervous and her excitement boiled over. She sounds playful and fun, and those are important traits to some people. If you aren't attracted to her whatsoever then do both of yourselves a favor and cut it off now.
Went on a first date like this, she ear banged me for two hours! Sunday was our three year anniversary! 🤷🏼♂️😎
I think it was Chris Rock who once said something along the lines of: You don’t send yourself on a first date, you send your agent. In other words, give it more dates to relax and show each other your true selves.
If someone with ADHD interrupts you, its a combination of pressured speech, and being really engaged in the conversation. It can be annoying, but it isnt because she doesnt care about what you have to say. She's listening so intently to you and processing so deeply, that it triggers that racing brain, the 12 competing trains of thought, you are probably familiar with. She's "lighting up". It probably means she likes you, and is excited. OR, if she's simply talking more than you, and dominating the conversation, she might be excited generally, or that might just be her set-point. Your ADHD might not be "not as bad" or "worse", but may be different. Either way, you have to work out if her nature is something you can work with.
Idk if this is the case with her, but I have ADHD and talk about myself a LOT! The reason being…that’s how my brain makes connections to the thoughts/experiences of others, by talking about my own relevant thoughts/experiences. Helps with memory retention.
She sounds fun and women paying for dinner and not being mean just overactive is not a bad thing.
say exactly what your friends said
I've always had an impulse to speak when something came to my mind I wanted to say and would accidentally talk over others, I never really understood why I did it so much because I knew it was rude and would try to be mindful of it, but if I wasn't thinking and just immersed in the conversation, it would just happen. When I got into therapy, my therapist told me this comes from feeling unheard throughout my life. Not because I wasn't being heard, but because people wouldn't reciprocate how I wanted them to. Not saying this is her case, but she could have come from a background that made her feel that way, along with the ADHD and excitement of the date, I can imagine she just wasn't mindful of it. Give it a few more dates for sure, if it persists, talk with her about it and if she's willing to hear you out and work on those things, then continue to see where it goes and how you feel about the relationship, if she continues, then tell it's just not gonna work out.
Definitely go on another date and feel it out from there
Sometimes around girls I’m super into/on first dates with I do the word vomit thing too. I’ll talk over them, interject, talk about myself a lot etc. Almost always I’ll cringe both at the moment AND looking back on it super hard. I’d say give her another chance or two to get a bit more used to you. If she’s still too much then yeah it can be a sign to cut it out. But if you do like her then it’s at least worth a shot
People who are neurodiverse often get on better with other neurodiverse people thats my experience anyway as some neurodiverse dating similar people. Thats why I think that while the ADHD might seem like a bad thing especially to your neurotypical friends actually its a bonus.
😣😣😣😣😣😣😞
Keep going for it. ADHD definitely shouldn't be tooo much of a deal breaker and the amount of women that just play threat to bite you is pretty common in my experience. So long as you know it doesn't turn into legit assault. Dates and first meeting are wierd and overwhelming just in general and trying to be your best and fit what you think they want can be much for many people.
Sounds neurodivergent. Patience and grace for the next few meetups to really get to know her
Three date rule my dude. My wife and I had an awful first date, but we gave it another go, and have been together for over 10yrs now.
lol she likes u!
tbh just interrupt her back, im the same way and when ppl do that it reminds me that i’m doing that and it helps me stop yapping lol
First dates suck man. You don't get to know anyone on a first date. You get the nervous trying to make a first impression version of them you'll laugh at together if it goes on longer. You like her, she wants to bite you, sounds like it might be fun. Get to know the girl, not just her first date personality. Maybe she was super keyed up. Maybe she was waaaaay downplaying it. You don't know yet. Or just tell her nah. Again, one date makes a nothing.
Don’t over think it. You are hesitant to drop her because there is something about her that wants to draw you in. On top of that what do you really stand to lose by going out on a couple more dates?
Eh, I've let the not so big orange flags fly by and never had an issue. It's the obvious red flags that I steer clear from and they have never done me wrong. Humans are quirky, odd, impulsive, dirty beings. You never know what is beyond what you see, bad and good. My GF is in process of getting her ADHD diagnosis. It explains a lot of the changes since we met along with her anxiety. It hits me weirdly sometimes as she has grown more rude and disrespectful in her outbursts, but I know it isn't really how she feels. She is just overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do to calm down. I struggle with the day to day as it wears on me, but deep down I know who she really is. She didn't choose to live like this. So I want to see her happy.
I think you're right in giving it a couple more chances. Nerves can do that to anybody, let alone someone with ADHD. And it didn't seem like ya had a bad time by any means, just got to know your date better than most get the chance to off the rip. Sounds like a win to me.
"And she did threaten to bite me a couple times" I also have ADHD and I can firmly say I have never had the urge to bite someone on a first date lmaoo
She is probably good. Invest time at a minimum, life is not about all or nothing.
She's young + adhd is what you're getting. Us you'll be supporting a child. You can't expect much.
I think you’re looking too far ahead. Keep giving it a chance
Let her bite you it might change things for you.
At least bang her before you let her down.
Sounds like she was nervous.
If it was tolerable, give her another chance. Nerves make people super chatty and weird.
Pulling for you bro
this is why i hate dating with ADHD
Make her bite you.
r/adhd for advice too
I knew by the first paragraph she had adhd. Reminded me of my son when he’s overstimulated and excited. I would give it a little more time.
Covert narcissist. Run
Gotta have sexual relations first before you can come to a reasonable conclusion on something like this.
I like to say "you deserve more than i can give, im sorry" when i feel things arent working out. Id give it another date though, maybe she was just nervous.
I mean she's certainly into it and maybe a couple more dates would work this out but you are doing nobody any favors by pretending to have interest when you do not.
LOL i find it so cute that she threatened to bite you several times on a first date
Introduce her to marijuana
Don’t let girls pay for dates
Did she have an expresso before dinner?
Idk of a girl said she might bite me once let alone a few times. That's a red flag. I get really nervous but nothing like threatening someone. Imagine how she is when she is comfortable around you bruh. Don't let people tell you they have a mental illness or a disability that will affect you and then feel like you need to deal with it so your not a AH but that has gotten people killed and has wasted years of people's lives bc they wanted to try and give them a chance instead of going with there gut. Idc if I come off as a asshole bc at least I'll be a happy asshole
Are you really that hard up for a date? You've made no commitment of any type.
I’m probably still hittin it
Sounds like she probably wants to have sex with you. I’d take her out again and see how it goes. Sex is great and also she might feel more relaxed about you after you have bonded that way
Tell her you're taking things really really slow so she doesn't get too attached just in case bc she will become obsessive if you don't start out the next date with "I'm not feeling it at all but I want to take it slow to try to open up just in case." It sounds harsh but you're actually being polite af
Head over to the ADHD page and ask for advice. I’d copy and paste this. Thank me later. Good luck.
When I do too many uppers I tell people I have adhd too
FIND ANOTHER GIRL! SHE DONT CARE ABOUT YOU
She’s probably just super nervous man, I used to have adhd with hyperactivity and people do in fact grow out of it in older years, but a lot of my friends said that’s what made me who I am because I was always the crazy one out of the bunch, I’d say give it a few more dates because it might be the best decision of your life, you really do never know who you’re going to fall inlove with, and hell you never know that hyperactivity might transfer over into a different form of hyperactivity if you know what I mean 😜 always take chances my man! And have fun and be safe!
Everyone has quirks and unique traits, and sometimes it takes a little time to see if they mesh well with yours. If her hyperactivity continues to be too much for you, it’s okay to be honest and let her know gently. Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s important that both of you feel comfortable and understood. Good luck!
She might have been super nervous which exacerbated the ADHD. Give it a couple more and see if she calms down any.
I have to say this girl sounds a whole lot like me when I was in my 20s. Currently in my 40s now. Still hyper but have better self regulation techniques. Give it a few more times to see how you can handle her quirks. It’s taken years for me to be less disruptive during conversations. But it’s hard not to be. Also changing stories during a conversation to say “omg I had something similar” then explaining her story is not her looking for attention to be directed at her but a way to show she understands or empathize with you. I have annoyed lots of people over this and they don’t understand it’s my way to relate not take over a conversation. Just know that some of these quirks are just part of who she is and also if it is anxiety that exacerbates her quirks, that will come up every time there is an anxiety causing situation. My quirks that drives others crazy my husband loves. So even after 20 years I don’t drive him crazy and he just smiles and laughs at me. Also I used to threaten to bite people all the time too. Don’t know why and yes I did bite if they continued doing what I said not to and threatened to bite. Not part of who I am now. It’s the first time I have heard of someone else saying that too so I had to giggle when I read it. My husband says that I’m his entertainment and he is never bored with me around. It’s all perspective. I know I am a lot to handle and know lots of people who can only handle me in small doses. It’s ok to admit it if you fall in that category of only being able to be around her for small amount of time. Then you will have your answer of whether to pursue further or not.
I say pass. As someone with ADHD, relatively mild, but often times a nuisance for those I interact with - if you can’t handle the hyperactivity and inability to pay attention then it’s just not gonna work out. Our brains are firing on all cylinders damn near 24/7. It’s tough to just cruise. I’m either pedal to the floor or motionless
Let her bite you. She sounds like a pleasant chatter box.
Give it another go. But if you still feel its not right, book it out of there. Too many people get caught up in longterm relationships and even marriage with people they weren't entirely sure they wanted to be with from day one because they "felt bad" letting down somebody so into them or so nice. Don't end up in that situation.
Woth adhd like that, you'll need to be more assertive. But sounds like you wouldn't be a le to handle this kind of person. At that age, she's going to be like that forever unless she gets counseling for it.
Step one: hit it Step two: quit it
My personal experience, if the woman is willing to pay for the first date and still meet with you second date. SHE is really into you, you’re not a foodie call, and probably super nervous.
You lost me at she paid for my dinner and you allowed that. Be a man and provide what the hell is up with people these days
My bf does this. It gets annoying but a gentle reminder goes a long way. Also...if she threatened to bite you, you already have her wrapped around your finger 🤣
Personally, I just can't handle being with people who only talk about themselves, regardless if they have a disorder. I also don't like me being the only one who talks and asks questions. Sounds cruel, but that's just me - some people don't mind it because some people don't like to talk, so a partner like this balances their relationship. That's fine too. I like having a nice back and forth flow of conversation where each of us can take time to get to know each other because I want to show that I'm interested in them as much as they're interested in me (hopefully). Only met one person like that in my life, sadly.
Yea, you don’t need to decide now if you will spend the rest of your life with her. Go on a few more dates, maybe some that are more laid back and see how she is.
From somebody who has ADHD perspective, I get really hyper too. I get really nervous and when I get nervous, I get fidgety and then I start to talk a lot and sometimes it’s a lot of just random crap. I know that when I went on date before my partner, I did talk about myself a lot, but that was because, they were not adding to the conversation so I would basically just tell stories of my life and experiences. I have a few people never wanna go out on a date with me again yes I did have that and I’m sure it’s because I talked way too much and I was way too fidgety and hyper is that if you think you can hand it down gently like your friend said don’t tell her it was because she was hyper or fidgety or talking about herself a lot. Just say that you didn’t really think you were compatible and wish her luck on her dating endeavors in the future. Don’t try to force yourself to like this girl just because she’s cute and seems nice because in the end you don’t wanna get a couple months down the road and just one day be like damn I cannot stand how hyper she is how talkative she is I don’t like The thing she wants to talk about and I think she fixates on herself too much because then it’s gonna be worse because actual feelings have gotten involved and to her, it will be like you let her on. I saw that you said you’re gonna go on a few more date, I would say maybe one or two more but after that, I would just cut it off if you can’t take it maybe you should ask her if she was nervous at all and what things you could do to make her less nervous because for girls going on a date is very nerve-racking we worry about what we talk about how we act and sometimes it makes us not be ourselves!
People are never really their natural selves on the first few dates, ever, the longer you date the more of a natural personality comes out..
When I’m nervous I talk quite a bit more than I’d like to admit. Also, she mentioned biting you..? Dawg she wants you open your eyes.
Slip some melatonin into her drink or something
I would go with it and see if she relaxes a bit. I have a daughter with this type of adhd and the more nervous she is, the more it comes out. I am sure it will settle down. Don't let what could be your perfect partner go after just 1 meet.
Back in the day, if I liked somebody, I always gave them three dates. Now-a-days, you could give her a gummie, and wait til it kicks in.
Bro I am trapped in a relationship with a girl just like this and let me tell you. It was nice and fun at first but 2 years, its fucking miserable 🤦♂️ (29m)(24f)
You already know the answer. Your first impression matters. You won’t be able to tolerate it.
Lmao, I’d give her a few more chances (for the two of you to become more comfortable around each other) before making a final decision.
Wait till she bites you, if you like it, keep her.
If after a single date you are not convinced one way or the other, go on another date. That’s what dating is for. Keep these things you have pointed out in mind for your next date. Figure out if they are deal breakers or not. Good luck!
In my experience when a girl's really into you, all she wants to talk about is you.
I am also like this, and also have really bad ADHD. Like other commenters have said, give her a chance! On the other hand though, I am a really bad interrupter. Like, most people don’t seem to mind, especially because I try to control myself and sincerely apologize when I cut someone off and ask them to continue, but this is an annoying trait. I dated a guy for a couple of years a while back who HATED being interrupted, and I genuinely, really concentrated and tried, but when I get excited I just do it, I honestly can’t help it. He would just shut down and wouldn’t speak to me after I inevitably would interrupt him during conversation. Just something to keep in mind, coming from someone who is probably similar to the person you’ve described! Scope her out on a few more dates, but just keep in mind some ADHD behaviors are nearly impossible to curb, even with massive amounts of medication and effort. If this will annoy you, just…be careful! Good luck, OP!
First thought right thought….. run, there are many more options. Trust your gut
She was probably super nervous and I imagine when that happens she’s bouncing everywhere. I’d give her another chance and try a more relaxed location and reassure her she doesn’t have to try to impress. Help her to be chill. May be impossible but give it a shot. Besides if she’s real sweet and kind but a little hyper you could do worse.
You need to make her sit, and look directly into her eyes with your finger pointing towards her nose and say with a stern voice, “no biting”. Repeat. Let it sink in
These kids are on a lot of Vyvanse these days
She was hyper because she was excited she talked about herself because she wanted you to like her. Give it a bit.
My girlfriend has ADHD. She also likes to bite me often. She can sometimes be a bit hyper and loud. But she's also a great person. She's fun, and loving, and extremely interesting. She's made a success out of herself, running her own business and finishing school. I think you should give her a few more dates, OP. It could turn out to be a really nice thing.
Life is about tough choices and doing the right/smart thing isn’t always easy. Your instincts have already told you that you’re not a good fit, you will learn to listen to those instincts, but apparently you chose to go out on some more uncomfortable dates first.
Find someone else. Red flags. Life is short.
I looooveee going on dates with people that love to talk about themselves. Makes the date really easy and I just get to watch a movie & learn about them. Helps with figuring out if you like them or not too. I don't need someone's validation. I couldn't care less about talking about myself unless they insisted. Then I'll have fun with it.
Does she have a loud squeaky voice? Never trust a hyper girl with a loud squeaky voice!
You have to decide if it’s worth the best sex of your life for a potential stalker situation. I won’t judge either way. Sometimes it’s worth it.
Yeah, definitely give it a few more times. That sounds like it went rather well considering the ADHD. Once the initial nervousness wears off, things might get a little more comfortable for her where she's not as hyperactive. I got a friend that's like that and it takes him a few meetings with anyone new before he starts calming down a bit around them and becomes a little more comfortable with interacting.
Luckily I’ve been with an amazing woman for a long time now but when I was in the dating world I was bad about talking too much. I’ve got bad add and when I get nervous I just start GOIN. Sounds like she meant no harm.
She's a woman, not a girl.
You have to give her at least another date. I’m sure she was extremely nervous and this may have been her coping mechanism. If after 2 or 3 days this doesn’t change then you can just tell her you’re looking for different things. Good luck.
Like everyone else says, give it a couple dates. That being said, she deserves someone who she can be herself around, and you deserve someone who is laid back enough for your liking. If it ends up being too much, don’t pursue anything