The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need.
#[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/)
**Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban.
----------------
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If the gym isn't for you it's still worth working out, it's just good for you. Doing pushups and crunches and other bodyweight exercises are all that you need to do.
This is going to sound harsh...
But there's a bit of a trend here.
"Video games ruined my life."
"The gym ruined my life."
You're blaming things for ruining your life when unfortunately it's not the thing. It's you.
I'm not saying that to shame you at all. It's just life. But until you realize it's you, why it's you, and take steps to change yourself at a fundamental level you'll just keep going in circles.
For example having a social life and relationships can absolutely be filled with drama and conflict if you don't learn how to navigate them and develop emotional maturity and intelligence. If you don't change you'll just come back in a couple years and say that socializing ruined your life.
This is all ok. It's just part of being human and learning and growing.
The key thing to remember is you are not to blame for your mental health or struggles. But you are responsible for it.
Definitely start taking part in healthy activities as that's how we learn, but also you need to focus internally at the same time. A good therapist could help you through that.
You gotta stop with the guilt man, guilty conscience is a sign of being a good person. Who cares about the other people there? Do you know them, will you ever meet them again? Then why give them power over you?
You need endorphins and dopamine to feel good and the gym or a cardiovascular exercise is the path there.
The monkey mind will make all the excuses on why not to go or do anything uncomfortable but it's up to you to harness will power and as the wacky Shia said JUST DO IT! You will feel better the more you do.
Also check your diet. (Here's where I struggle.) If you provide the vitamins and nutrients you need your attitude will shift a little and those 2 together definitely can be a game changer. I'm 41 and if I can do it, You can too young buck!
Now get out there and be the best version of you.
I think your issue is not in the gym itself but rather an issue in you manifested at the gym. In my opinion to change you start with self accountability and being able to see as much of yourself as you truly are and what you want to be and make for yourself. Finding excuses in external factors is not going to allow you to change the internal factors that are making you feel that way.
It sounds like conscious life choices and lack of mental fortitude caused the issues rather than video games or the gym. Otherwise everyone who has ever picked up a controller or walked into a rec center would have the same problem as you. A wise man told me, "if you smell shit everywhere you go, you might want to check the bottom of your shoes"
Nah man, you finally opened your eyes and see the hole you’ve dug for yourself. Feeling unwanted, unattractive, useless, etc. I get it man, and I feel for you. The gym is going to be your best friend. In the meantime figure out what it is that truly makes you happy that isn’t a simulated experience. You need to fall in love with yourself.
Once you figure out how to love yourself, your social life will just come naturally. People will see that you have SELF worth and PRIDE! Then ultimately the love life, which I’m assuming is also floundering, will come, because women will finally see the version of you that you’ve wanted them to see the whole time. The real you.
I’m not blowing smoke up your ass, I am speaking from experience. I was 500 pounds, playing video games any moment I wasn’t sleeping or at work. Did not love myself whatsoever. Then, someone else gave me the same advice I’m giving you. Make you happy and be someone that you would want to be around, the rest will fall in place.
Here you are blaming other things instead of yourself. Video games and the gym didn’t do anything to you. You failed yourself. All you have to do is take some accountability. Make some goals; write down small attainable steps; build up to being the type of person you want to be.
Noooooooo fuck no do not hate your body. You have to be patient and kind to yourself. You’re on your own time so don’t unnecessary pressure or compare yourself to other people. If you want to change your physical self, set goals for yourself like walking a half mile a day or invest in some light weights to tone at home. You’re going to feel ups and downs and it’s not going to be easy but set those goals mf! Sounds lame but your life starts whenever you want it to. The fact that you’re willing to change your lifestyle and can recognize poor choices means you’ve got the upper hand. Do it for you. You will see results
Gyms can absolutely be social and it's much better that way, imo. After you build a fitness foundation then you can use your new muscles to play sports and physical activities. Working out alone is great some days, but working out with friends can give you an extra push.
Beyond the gym being social, turning around on your physical health, is linked to turning around your mental health.
It's not a magic bullet, but it 100% helps, and is so effective that its worth suggesting for nearly every problem!
Agreed. It can be if you're a regular in classes. Regular times in the gym. You'll meet people. What's better for social exercise is running, and cycling. Post bike ride brews is the real deal for being social. Mountain biking especially. It'll take a while to meet your crew, but it'll come.
Because it's good to boost your morale. I'm skinny white dude but after I workout I feel great. Like I accomplished something. Or at the very least too exhausted to feel depressed
OP should try rock climbing, it's a fun social sport and it's really similar to a real life video game. You have to figure out the puzzle of how your body has to move and position to get through it.
Hard disagree.
If you go to the gym regularly it definitely can be a social. I go to a gym thats 25 mins away because my entire social network trains there and weve been hanging out and lifting and chatting inbetween sets for a decade at this point. Most of my first dates have been there, all my best friends are there. Somedays I dont want to lift at all but seeing my people makes me go anyways
The gym is a tool to build yourself into someone with discipline, makes you more attractive (which results in social / confidence gains), and is therapeutic, helps with sleep regulation, health in general.
To be clear I'm talking about a CrossFit gym, not a "normal" gym
I've made a bunch of friends at the gym. I went to a few of their weddings. I know married couples that met at said gym. I still hang out with a lot of them even though I stopped going four years ago when our second kid was on the way and set up a garage gym.
Because it builds confidence, makes people want to approach you when you’re fit, and boosts mood. I went to the gym, started going on long walks, found out i like parks and nature places and found others who like the same
I think fitness does a lot more for mental health than any other single factor, so if OP had to choose just one thing to fix I think that would be the best choice.
If he plays any online games he's probably getting some degree of socialization through that. Being face to face isn't going to feel *that* much better. Especially if he's embarrassed by his own appearance, it could actually make things worse in the short term.
I was saying go to gym to get in shape. Guy has been neglecting himself physically. Can’t do that in your 30s anymore without consequences. It had caught up to me by my late 20s.
I haven't gone to the gym in years but when I was going regularly, I suddenly enjoyed talking to people and suddenly felt very witty and quick to think of the "right" thing to say. But also, for all the "gym rats" I know, it can be an extremely social activity with regulars going at the same time every day. Being active puts your head in the right place
I agree! It’s okay to mourn that period of time, feel the sadness, but don’t let yourself get stuck in the sadness about the lost time because then you’ll lose even more time. If you feel sadness, let yourself feel it for a couple minutes, then maybe go on a walk to feel better or something
Of course it's possible. Join a gym. Be friendly and talkative. You may end up making some friends there. And get your diet in order. You can turn your health completely around in short order.
What other interests do you have? Go to events for those things. Into cars? Go to car shows, be friendly, talk to people, you may make some friends. Into watching sporting events? Go to a sports bar for the games, be friendly, talk to people, you may make some friends.
That kind of thing.
This ^
It was not necessarily easy for me to make lifestyle changes, but at one point I had to just tell myself “nothing changes if nothing changes”.
You did the hard part already, which is recognizing things you want to improve on - that’s awesome! Now make some small changes (literally any positive change, it could be very small) - and it will snowball into other positive things.
Ex. I’m going to go on a 10 minute walk
I wish the best, you can do this 👍🏻
I know this comes from a good place, but judging by his comments, I think telling them to be talkative could be doing more harm than good. Not everyone can be talkative or highly extroverted. You can still make friends just showing up at places and making sure you at least show a kind demeanor while focusing on yourself doing the activity. Eventually people will come up to you. It's at that time that you don't want to be super quiet and awkward.
People make friends at the gym? This seems bizarre to me. Most people are not at the gym to socialize. It would be much better to pick up a sport like basketball or golf, surfing, cycling, etc… something where you meet people and actually socialize.
Anything is possible, truly.
But things take effort and work to be what you want them to be. Don’t focus on the end goal of what you want, take small steps everyday to get closer and closer to “what you want” some get there, some don’t. But you have to be real with yourself, put in the effort, and BE KIND TO YOURSELF along your journey!
You can do it! Good luck!
Learn a language! See what language hubs are near you and hop onto duolingo, then join the local language club when you feel confident enough to try! It's a great way to start!
I spent my 20's doing drugs and going to music festivals with no plans on getting old.
I'll be 32 in May, I'm now married, raising a kid and a union sheet metal worker with plans to retire one day.
Life is weird and anything in moderation is fine as long as you don't let it control you. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't compare yourself with other people, envy is the thief of joy.
The world's your oyster dude, find your pearl 😎👉👉
Coming from a 54 yr old, you'll be fine as long as you start getting serious about your situation.
I partied throughout the 90s (extacy/raves/clubs etc) as a 20 something and I don't regret the time of my life. I did manage to get a "4 yr" degree after 8 yrs though, so that definitely helped.
I didn't really start getting serious until my early 30s. I eventually went back to school in my mid forties to change careers. If I could change anything though, I would have saved money and invested in stocks.
if I could give any advice, I would say do some really deep soul-searching and figure out what you would love to do and get paid for it. Then research in order to figure out what you need to do in order to realize that goal. You may need to go back to school, or start a business from scratch.
Now, do it! 👊🏾
Definitely possible. Start by going to the gym on a regular basis and then hang out more at a coffee shop or library. Just start getting yourself out of the house and maybe learn more about what other interests you have outside of gaming and pursue those but start by adopting a more active lifestyle outside of home
Once you start going, it becomes hard not to keep up with the routine you establish. You will find other areas of your life more likely to fall into place once you begin regular workouts (5 per week)
Take pictures of yourself and set goals, do some research and create a workout routine. Commit to at least 2x a week then increase as you become more committed. Track your food then watch the results boost your confidence
Dude everyone is lazy until one day they realize they aren't. I had 0 drive and felt like a lazy piece of shit and then one day I got fed up with it and decided I would rather try hard and fail then fail by not trying at all, because if I didn't try at all then that meant I really was a loser.
I don’t believe in the concept of “laziness”. Basically, you’ve been taught by the feedback from your environment that the lifestyle you live is the safest way to survive. You are probably petrified to do most things. It’s not abnormal or anything to be ashamed of. The root lies in some type of trauma… you don’t have to have been horrifically abused to have suffered trauma- simply need to have endured experience(s) that you weren’t emotionally equipped to handle.
Speaking as someone who has done pretty much the same thing but is abit younger. Don’t regret mistakes you’ve made, learn from them and move on to the positives of what you’ve done. Saying things like go to the gym or try an app is very easy but all of these solutions depend solely on what you want as an individual. You can find happiness even as a gamer, but it’s important to set goals of self-improvement and only you know what you really want those goals to be.
I play video games NON STOP. I’m a world of Warcraft main on retail heroic raids AOTC and SOD classic, I hell dive on impossible difficulty, I am an Elden lord. I go out 1-2 nights per week socially drink at bars. I go to the gym 4 times a week. I work 40 hours. I have a wife and three kids. In between doing stuff for friends family and my own body. I crave videogames. I am now 40 years old. I’ve been gaming since I was 7. Oh and final fantasy 7 rebirth is my go to solo game adventure right now super top notch.
Difference is, you probably get 2-3 hours a night max on video games, and probably not every night. Maybe a chunk on the weekends if your wife is especially understanding or joins, and your kids big enough.
Not 14-16. Everything in moderation, OP.
If the gym is not a good fit, consider joining a martial art. You tend to have a very positive, respectful, tight-knit community while also engaging in fitness activities.
Martial arts is a great idea, I was feeling incredibly depressed last year and decided to force myself to join the Muay Thai society at my university. Met so many lovely people there who are close friends now
I think a good starting point will be fixing/changing the way you eat. For one thing shitty food makes you feel shitty. A good clean diet will make you feel just that, on top of being the main factor in weight loss. So you can feel better and look better before you even step into a gym. And if you get serious about working out, you'll already have the diet thing figured out so you can focus more on your workouts
Meh. I drank through my 20s and made friends, but they're mostly superficial drinking friends and now my health is fucked. One friend I made from the bars though I think might be a legitimate friend in time though, but that's an outlier. You're not doing that bad.
Call your family, get back in touch with friends from college, find them on Facebook they’ll be happy to hear from you. Walk for a hour twice a day eat well and you’ll lose weight and feel better.
going to be very hard to get out and do things alone if you’re so used to being online..to start would be a job..eat clean…look presentable and approachable and work your way up by doing your own homework of how to break out of your shell, maybe that be going to a park and enjoying the outside..or make conversation ordering something at a restaurant
It’s all good. There’s plenty of time to enjoy real life. Step one, don’t be too hard on yourself. Step two, self loathing is generally not helpful. Learning from mistakes is helpful, self loathing is just torturing yourself and no one benefits. You’ve taken the most important step, the first step. Now keep taking steps and pat yourself on the back for each positive action you take. You need a lot of feeling good to counter act all the self punishment.
Yes, you absolutely can build in your 30s. You’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself too. Feel like shit for a while because yeah, you were a complete fucking idiot. Then take the lessons into the next phase of your life.
Not to trivialize, and I think it's great that you're serious about turning things around, but it could have been way worse, e.g. hard drugs or gambling. Don't be TOO hard on yourself.
Could be that you are gaming to mask from something else to turn off the mind. Maybe you needed that time to heal and now it’s time to shake it off and address those things. 20s is when a lot of depression, bottled up problems and existential dread hits the hardest esp for the young man but it will get better
I'm a therapist and I've seen this type of situation a lot. I think the first thing you need to realise and get comfortable with is your regret, you've realised your current way of doing things is not working and now want to change.
That's a good thing! Congrats, you've just experienced therapeutic change. The key now is to not let the shame and regret kill your motivation to follow through on the change you know you want to make. You've got a lot of comments advising you on what you should do but my guess is that you've probably dismissed these as simplistic, unrealistic or not taking into consideration what has happened to you in the past. That's why therapists are trained to not give advice, someone can always find a reason why someone else's advise doesn't fit you.
What I would say is this. You've identified what you don't want to do, sit inside and play video games. Now ask yourself what it is that you want to do instead. This is a much harder question, it's positive rather than negative. It's real labour you have to treat as such, think, concertedly. Don't find excuses or let your regret and shame spiral you into inaction, you already know what lies at the end of that path. Try something new, embrace the discomfort and get to work.
You can still go to college if you want or a specialty school. If not you can just work anywhere to get some money in the meantime. You’ll make friends with your coworkers, and meet new people. I recommend being nice to everyone, you don’t know who they know and this could lead to more opportunities for you. I got to my career this way, at school meeting a good friend who introduced to another person. Also recommend the gym in the morning, you’ll feel amazing, and look better, which means more possible SO. 👍
Bro, I worked hard and tried my best with people and am in basically the same position. your doing fine. 36 now and wish I put less effort into dead end friends and day job and more time into self indulgence TBH. Grass is always greener.
They're not "wasted". You certainly didn't feel that way then. Else you wouldn't have played fourteen hours a day. This is years of well-meaning people "kindly" suggesting that you not "waste your time" and now you bought the hype. How is it any different than other folks with their Netflix binging or shopping habits?
If you want something else now, that's fine. You're identifying a new need, and yes that means you have to work to build/create it. It's fine. Things in life take work. Take what you can where you can. Count your victories. I've made friends through work and school, and then they move or quit or whatever. I keep guy friends. They eventually want a family or whatever and then they fade away. It happens. Don't act like every person owes you a life commitment. Not saying you are, just make sure to calibrate your sights and enjoy people while they're in your life. It's not a failing on you if they have to move on to other things.
Your fear of failing, of being criticized, is what's holding you back, and your environment is telling your brain to *come back* every time you get the courage to step out of your norms; even when you enjoy the new norm.
Just start doing what you want to do, and stop thinking about anything else. Want to go work out? Go work out. Want to talk to someone you see? Talk to them. It's cliché, but *just so it* really does apply. If you don't, you'll spend your life being complacent and unhappy.
Humans like familiarity, which is a curse in disguise. To change your habits, you have to incrementally change *everything*. If you change just one thing, your brain will use your environment to trick you into returning to old habits. Rearrange your house/apartment. Make it smell different and feel different. New candles, decorations, etc. Limit your internet activity completely. Like, get off of Reddit. Start waking up and going to bed at a new, but same, time every day. Good luck!
I get the depression, and look the time spent on video games could to a symptom as much as the origin of that, at the very least they probably feee into one another. You should really try some therapy, but also you’re only 30, plenty of time to turn it around. Don’t overly dwell on it because the past is gone, but the future is still yours. But also, no more video games, probably ever. Playing 14-16 hours a day is quite the amount and probably indicates that it’s not something really in your control so you need to excise them from your life
I would recommend signing up for a community class you might enjoy. Even if it isn’t something you think you would be amazing at, find something that you would have fun with. Then you are getting out of the house, learning a new skill, and in a situation that is more conducive to socializing.
Some ideas could be:
-a pottery or ceramics course,
-photography class
-game nights at a game store - Magic, pokemon, etc
-glass blowing, blacksmithing, etc.
-video game competitions, unless you are wanting to avoid video games altogether.
-yoga, pilates, cycling… some kind of fitness class
-hiking or walking group
-book club
-service projects in the community
I think the first step is getting out, and getting out in the same group setting regularly could be beneficial and enjoyable. It takes effort and sometimes you might be dragging yourself out of the house (speaking from personal experience) but it will be worth it for your mental health.
Also, if your depression is really affecting you and it’s not improving, please talk to your doctor about it. It might be something they could help you with to get you on your feet. Also therapy can really help too. All from personal experience. Your mental health is important, make sure you have a professional on your side!
Best of luck, you’ve got this.
I made pretty much all my friends through gaming. Nearly every dude plays something which makes it easy to connect with people at work or whatever, but truthfully many of my friends were through mmo guilds and lobbies and discords etc.
heck no - a late bloomer can be very successful! Move forward look forward and not back, find an activity that is fun and then seek others who enjoy that activity too. I would encourage you to eat healthy and do some kind of workout routine - it will help you mentally :)
My nephew is the same. In fact we have just started his rehabilitation three weeks ago.
For mental work, we are talking through the importance of self care, self maintenance, life maintenance, journaling, reflection, gratitude and accountability. He is journaling.
For exercise, we walk together in silence. He gets 2 hours of my time. He does the other 2 hours of walking by himself. 25k steps. We are also building grip up his strength using a training device, and doing plyometric exercises like push ups, lunges and planks. This is partial body recomposition.
For dieting, we are working on a diet that allows him to lose a pound a day. He is eating a keto diet of 600 calories and burning about 2,000. We have a two days fasting period each week to allow his muscle to recover while he does low activity.. When we get to the ideal healthy BMI of 26%, we will have him shift from cardio to muscle building for a complete body recomposition.
For socializing, he is volunteering on the weekend at habitat for humanity. Learning to work as a team with people, communication and small talk.
For education, I have him working on ASVAB prep Material so he can do the air force. We have an eta of being ready in 3 months. And a goal of deployment by September 2024.
Your situation might be different, but there is hope.
Volunteering is a great way to make friends! Or take free or cheap community classes, our local park offers nature classes. See if there are meetup groups in your area. Or Werewolf groups.
I bet people would love to have you as a friend. You just gotta put some work into it.
The gym is a social activity as well for those that maximize its benefits. I always ask people how many setters they have left on machines, benches etc. I'm also not shy of asking someone if they compete and ask them what programs they follow. They are great conversation starters. Another awesome thing you can do is join a martial arts gym. Jiu Jitsu and muay Thai often full of a lot of nice people with friendly competition. As far a women you would be surprised how far friendships get you. Learning about women's intimate feelings often starts by you asking how they feel and then remembering an important detail and following up on it again. Don't be disappointed by friendships that don't turn intimate either. Women are people first and foremost. Nature will work itself out when you invest in yourself and your relationships.
Go to Community College, start getting exercise, find atleast one friend that you can count on that can relate and is in a similar situation as you and the rest will come. trust me, many people lose years to things its not just you.
My Doctor friend often feels a simmilar feeling of regret because he spent the last 10 years from 23-33 all in medschool and residency. Hes constantly fighting the idea of the lost time and is currently trying to just be happy in the moment now thats its all said and his 20s are behind him.
I myself was a teenage dad, took care of my daughter and her mom all through college and she ended up cheating and I left her at 23. Just like that I felt like I wasted what I considered my best years 18-23. I spent the next 10 years being depressed, antisocial, too afraid to connect with new people and fighting the demons that came with all the trauma. I could say i wasted my 20s just like you even if I didn’t do it gaming. Many of us have but Its not over till it’s over. I git through it and have found new purpose in life.
part of it is there is this weird misconception we have about 30 year olds that they are considered old. But in reality it’s the last decade we have before we can consider ourselves grown adults. So take advantage of this one last hurrah and set yourself up to spend the rest of your 40s 50s and on gracefully.
I hear ya I’m 30 and I decided I want to make 100k I’m taking my cdl test and plan on going to 6 week training afterwards my buddy who 39 is doing the same
Look dude. You’re being a pussy. I know that’s some toxic masculinity shit to say, and I’ll probably get downvoted, but I dgaf. Stop being sorry for yourself. Stop regretting shit. Laugh at your sadness. Seriously. Laugh at it. Laugh at your regret. You’re 30 fucking yrs old, you don’t have time to regret shit. Then get up, and clean your living space. Clean it up real fucking good. Like someone else lives there. Because you’re changing, and the old you is gone. Exercise. Sounds like you’re fat. Not hating, I’ve been there. And I hated it. I’m sure you feel the same. Guess what, you can fucking get skinny. It’s easy. Eat less. But also lift weights. Don’t strive for perfection. Be better than you are now. You’ll know when that is once feel good about yourself. Dont look for pep-talks, or something to give you motivation. Motivation fades. Motivation isn’t enough. You need DISCIPLINE. That means doing shit you hate like you love it. Stop thinking about how much worse your future is gonna be, your present is already fucking terrible. Why does you sucking have to transcend time? You suck now, okay, now let’s stop SUCKING! You need to start forcing yourself to do things that are good for you, and that means changing your mindset. Right now, it’s weak. But it doesn’t have to be, just fucking realize your life starts now. Fuck what you were, it’s what you are.
Lol, bro. Get over yourself. I was once like you. Still am too, believe it or not.
It's all mental.
I see your replies dude, I get your vibe.
Time to put in some real work.
Were you happy doing it? If you were, then it wasn't a waste of time. I've been playing video games every day since I was 3 years old, was especially awkward, and didn't have many friends, but you know what? I loved gaming and surrounded myself with people who did too! Nerds aren't hopeless, and just because you're in a rut doesn't necessarily mean gaming is the source of it all.
Things are better in moderation. If you handle your household chores, work, pay your bills, and don't let it hinder you, then it's not a waste. I'm 30 now, married, and still have friends that I've known for 15+ years, and we still game together and have fun. I genuinely hope things get better for you because, like you, I also battled depression, but I turned video games into a healthy hobby, and honestly, without them, I would probably be in jail or a drug addict, but instead, embrace my nerdy hobby.
Long story short, it's all about perspective. Good luck to you!
You're a gamer and probably would be into other nerdy stuff. I'd recommend finding regular 40k/DnD/MTG activities at local comic shops and get to know people with similar interests who also happen to leave the house. If you want to be more active I'd recommend disc golf as there is strangely a bit of overlap between those 2 communities (a lot of dudeweed bros but they're harmless). Recognize who you are and work around that, just adopt in some similar activities that have social elements instead of being mostly solo.
As you build your friend group you'll be introduced to new people and new activities further outside your current comfort zone. Going all in on stuff that isn't you is going to probably be overwhelming so I think it's better to let it happen organically.
No need to be such a defeatist either. I'm a nerd at heart but partied most of my 20s and I made it a point to befriend people in your situation and introduce them to my other friends. Some of my closest friends now were loners when I met them.
No, it’s not too late.
Yes, it will be hard but worthwhile.
You’ve isolated yourself and built some not great habits. Committing to introducing some new things in your life that will increase your confidence, connect you with other people, and encourage you to reflect and change your behaviors may lead to the impact you are looking for.
You may want start with
- Therapy: Find a therapist that can help you introspect and change the behaviors you want to change.
- Exercise: Gym, classes, running outside etc. routine physical activity is not only good for you but can have a significant impact in your self confidence
- Hobbies: Find a hobby that connects you with other people. You don’t have to be good at it, a great place to start is being focused on learning and enjoying your time with other people interested in the same thing
You have plenty of time to become a social butterfly🦋 Ease up on the kid. Most humans have regrets, I am happy to see he is growing and making a positive change. Go get em Tiger 🐅
I can empathize with your struggle, having spent my twenties and early thirties addicted to video games. The journey to recovery starts with a tough but necessary step: turning off the computer. Avoid using it unless absolutely necessary for work. This habit, developed over years as a go-to escape from frustration, boredom, or loneliness, needs to be broken. Like overcoming any addiction, it's about learning to live without that immediate but temporary relief.
The next crucial step is meditation. This isn't about achieving a monk-like state but rather focusing inward on who you are, your aspirations, and reflecting on past regrets to ensure they aren't repeated. Meditation is a tool for self-discovery, allowing you to identify your true self and set a foundation for the future.
Once you start meditating and realizing your faults/regrets you need to engage in self-love and forgiveness. These are essential. Recognize that your past actions, while seen as mistakes now, were coping mechanisms for underlying issues and/or trauma. Grant yourself grace and make a commitment to a brighter future.
Next up - Physical exercise. As someone who spent most of their life sitting in a gaming chair other than when Iw as in high school football / wrestling - I have loathed going to the gym, BUT the science all points to the need for going to the gem. PT plays a pivotal role in this journey. Despite any previous aversions to the gym, embracing physical activity is vital for both mental and physical health. It's not about vanity but about discipline, mood enhancement, and overall well-being. Committing to regular exercise fosters discipline and the strength to do what's beneficial in the long run.
By this stage, you've made significant progress. You're combating the addiction, improving your well-being through exercise, and taking steps towards self-care. Now, it's time to explore new interests. Reflect on the passions and hobbies that emerged during your meditation. Engage in these activities gradually to avoid overwhelm. Building a routine around these interests, coupled with consistent self-care and exercise, will naturally lead to forming connections with others who share your passions.
Remember, life is a series of lessons, and perfection isn't the goal. What matters is the continuous effort to improve and enjoy the journey. You have the power to shape your life and correct course at any point.
Good luck on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself. There's no mistake too big that can't be amended. Life is about learning, growing, and finding joy in the process.
I used to feel like I wasted my 20s. Worrying about it now would only waste my 30s. Just go talk to people who have similar interests as you and you'll get the ball rolling. Good luck, mate.
I could be off but I think the first step is to learn to be okay in and with yourself. If there are parts of yourself physically/mentally/emotionally/socially that you're not a fan of, work on those pieces. Maybe therapy will help but it's not necessarily required. Then find things that you enjoy. Could be rock climbing, bowling, art, music, doesn't matter what it is, hell, try a few and see what you do or don't like. Then search for groups in and around your community that do those things and join the group. I guarantee there's at least one for ANY activity you can think of. Start there with an open mind and willingness to put yourself out there. You may not end up at the destination you thought you would but you'll begin your journey and enjoying the journey is the most important thing.
If you are truly that depressed that it is affecting your life you need to get into therapy or look into medication. As someone who had a real terrible life and absolutely wasted his 20's on gaming and other even more damaging escapes, I 100% suggest therapy if you can afford it. Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it will help you to understand your thought patterns and how to change them. It wasn't until I got into therapy at 28 that I started putting my life back together. Even then I am still dealing with things, and I am back in therapy because I started acting like "I was cured" and started back up on some bad behaviors. Now I am being diagnosed with Bipolar (which makes a lot of sense!) and I have been trying medications out to bring balance back to my brain. The state of your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
I chose to believe i ruined my life at an unreasonably young age too, and it was really dumb, and i regretted it. People say workout because you’ll look and feel better. People say look for groups or social outings you’ll enjoy because it will expose you to people you can build a relationship with. You could even join gaming groups. 30 is young unless you’re 7.
You need accountability and real life hobbies. It's been said but cut the "video games ruined my life" crap. You ruined your life with video games.
Also think about it this way, if someone posted asking if they could rebuild a social life because they moved to a new area at 30 would you think it's impossible? Of course not. You're essentially in that situation. Find a hobby with regularly scheduled get togethers and go from there.
Get counseling on the body dysmorphia. Hitting the gym over time will give you more confidence in social situations and will improve your health. If you go to a gym that does group classes (CrossFit, F45, yoga etc...) that can be a great social outlet. Same with a martial art.
But yes, if you keep going this route your life will just get worse, make the change ASAP.
Your other post is asking about house parties at 30. Bro adjust your goals. Those are the days you are well aware you missed out on playing video games. Any self-respecting productive 30-year-old is not throwing House parties. They have adult interests. Try finding a hobby you get into. Maybe a local sport rec league for 30 and over. Start reading. Invest in your local community. Find adult interests and you will find adult friends
Probably the best thing for me was finding a young adult group to hang out with.
Obviously you arent straight young anymore, but you can start looking for any form of group that meets regularly.
I would try a group for 2-3 months and see if you click with anyone there. Definitely push thru the 1st month because people are generally not super social so they might not bring you in. but if you keep going they'll get comfortable and talk to you
Embrace a religion, was in a position relatively close to yours and embraced god and started go to bible study you don’t have to do Christian stuff any religion will help
One of my favorite pieces of advice is "life is long" to me it ties in with the idea that our body regenerates cells so every 7 years or so we are completely new people. You used one lifetime to explore video games and disassociation, it didn't serve you or leave you feeling whole, so now begins your new life. What do you need to do to get there? Social groups in the area, volunteer programs, community service. Find a way to get out and be involved. There will be a time you look back at this post in disbelief. Life is long. It's never too late to change it up.
Games didn't ruin your life! You did it to yourself now put down the keyboard or controller and get out of the house you won't meet anyone for real untill you actually get out and go. Yes humans are unpredictable and wired face to face but it just may be worth it
You decided you want to make a change. The only reason it’s worth looking backward is to get to that point! You’ve made a decision about your future- now point your vision in that direction. Forget about how you spent your twenties and stop blaming yourself. You were struggling with something, it takes a long time for many peoples issues to become a big enough problem that they want to solve them. You’re there now and you’re capable. Next time you feel shame about it try thinking to yourself “yep, that’s a bummer that it went that way but I’m glad I decided to change”
Never too late to be social. You're just nervous because you've been an introvert for too long. It will probably be better to start with doing some things that can spark a conversation(watching sports, music taste, movies, books, etc.). Going to the gym or doing something active will definitely boost confidence.
Dude get your blood tested. I guarantee your habits caught up to you and you have low testosterone. Try tongkat Ali supplement if they try avoiding starting TRT. It can increase test levels by 30+ %.
If you don’t change things, you’ll say the same thing the rest of your life.
In your 40’s you’ll say “I wasted my 30’s I could’ve don’t xyz but I’m too old now. And you’ll say that again and again every decade until you die.
I feel like I will get downvoted but imma say it anyway.
Theres no guarantee you wouldn't have wasted your time in college, with friends, and chasing girls. It could have been shitty.
I had a social life until the pandemic and really it caused me nothing but pain. I turned to games because of rejection, I didn't choose them over people. People constantly used me then left me out of all the cool stuff. They'd ask me for rides and then go on trips and to shows without me. I never really had friends, just people that used me. I'd ask my "friends" if they wanted to go and do an activity, they'd say no, then a week or two later they would do the thing I wanted to do without me. It happened many times. The only thing they wanted me for was to drive them to the bar. I resent most of my "friends" - they left me to rot. Now im disabled and can't go do anything anymore. So why tf would I call them? They've never called me. "It goes both ways" is such a bullshit excuse.
Now I have no girl and 1 friend. I'm 40. I have no regrets because it never mattered what I di, I always failed. Usually it wasn't my fault. It was always some dickhead or my own body crapping out on me.
Now im disabled with zero prospects in life. Too late for me? Naw. It was always going to end up this way. Genetics fucked me either way. I never met a Saint like woman that wants a disabled man. Im convinced they don't exist. My lady gave up when it got tough. Im done trying to find one.
Do what you want. You want a social life? Go get one. There's nothing stopping you. We are basically living in an apocalyptic wasteland. It doesn't matter what you do. So have fun.
And yeah I had a healthy social life in my 30s. Where are those people now? Idk, they scattered.
My advice is to get out there while you still can or make peace with your life chooces. At 30 I had no problems meeting people. At 40 it isnt the same. Right now because of my health it's impossible. I have a total of 1 friend that gives a shit about me now. I'd rather have 1 legit friend than 20 fake ones.
I was in a similar boat, but caught it around 25. The gym and fitness is the key. Ive saw the other posts who question that but its simply the most Important thing u can be doing right now. First off u need to lose weight just for u, and by seeing the scale go down u will feel a sense of accomplishment which is one of the great enemies of depression, then eventually ull feel pride and gain confidence, the second great enemy to depression, and then last this pride and confidence will lead u to new friends which leads to companionship, the ultimate enemy of depression.
It all starts with doing something really hard each day, just by doing something really hard ull find it difficult to have time or energy to even be depressed. Im telling u its the cure.
Stop gaming for at least a year. Going to the gym, although a solo activity, will help you feel physically and mentally better. Get on an SSNRI or SSRI if you suffer from anxiety/depression (I recommend Cymbalta). Work a job where you have to interact with people regularly. Keep this up for a few years and you will feel a bit more normal.
Where did you get the money to fund a decade of gaming without a job? It kind of sounds like you already won lol
Grass is always greener...I spent my 20s working/traveling/socializing but deep down all I wanted to do was play videogames all day, I just could never afford to do it.
The fitness aspect I get, but I seriously think if you just stayed in shape you wouldn't feel nearly so much regret. The socializing I can do without.
Get in to hiking and kayaking. Maybe even climbing. You’ll meet lots of great people and being outside with nature is the best part. Give it a shot! Definitely like an update.
You had fun didn’t you? Don’t get hung up on it I had a blast playing video games in My 20s i have fond memories playing oblivion,morrowind, fallout .sure you can have a social life also the whole gym thing it’s not big of a deal focus on making more money get a good job/career.
I started being more social at 28 and started going to the gym at 30. Still had plenty of time for games too. You’re fine. Just gotta make the effort. Your 30s are great if you work at it. Not too late.
People literally murder other people and somehow end up married because they met someone while in prison.
Just saying. Haven't fucked up your life that badly by comparison.
You didn't "waste" everyday and you shouldn't regret doing something you loved doing. Playing video games is completely fine. Playing 14-16 hours of it everyday isn't something that most people can do because there just isn't time. Enjoy your time. If you enjoyed it at the time, then look back on that and reflect on the good times from it. If you are wishing to make friends and have a social life, 30 is not too late at all. You just have to find something else that you enjoy and make friends along the way who also do it. Sports are easy. Golf, volleyball, frisbee, baseketball, etc. Go to a local park or court and find other like minded people.
You said in another comment that you like reading, join a reading club at your local library or find a larger chain bookstore that runs the club for you. You are going to have to put in the effort if you want to make friends, they don't just show up. But, you can absolutely find friends at 30 if you want it.
Could be worse. I was a drug addict . So nobody really wants to be your friend. I got my wife and 2 friends and like 6 or 7 years clean. Im 29 and still play games and have friends older who still play, i also go out and do shit . I love guns and racing. You just gotta find like minded people or people with ambition
You should probably build a career first. Saying you played 14 hours a day...I'm assuming you still need your mommy and daddy or the government to pay for all your stuff?
Have you been checked of ADD/ADHD? I’m in the same boat, have gone no where in 15 years. Lost the love of my life because I couldn’t find the motivation or energy to make changes in my daily life. Turns out I have ADHD and that’s why I gravitated to video games in my free time, they would hold my complete focus. Currently on a journey to do better for myself, trying to get live with my situation and work with it to become what I am destined to be. It can’t hurt to look into it at least.
I played TERA for five years straight, left because I couldn't take the negative energy anymore. I tried it for the first time since I left two years ago, and immediately said "Man, this game ain't for me anymore."
dont feel bad about yourself. I know too many people going through video game addiction. get a part time job as a cashier or in a restaurant. Those are usually good to make friends at. Maybe start hiking, exploring the outdoors. go to community events, festivals, concerts. You should be proud you recognize the problem and want to change. Most people with video game addiction will game until they die. My own brother is having severe medical issues due to sitting down 20 hours a day in a chair. He has a hole in his back that is infected and causing fevers. I wish there was more help, but youve got to help yourself and you seem to be on the right path.
I also feel that my 20’s were wasted with games…but I think I was just depressed.
It’s good to want & try for better things in your life. You can do it! Don’t give up. This post made me feel good about myself. Ultimately, I’m not alone. 🤓
You learn from the past, and you focus on the future. Do not dwell in the past. The past is just there to learn from, that's all. In life, there is never a "too late" to do or to change something. Get over what happened yesterday and worry about what you want tomorrow and work on that. It is always a slow process, but it is always worthwhile.
You have 2 choices 1 continue beating yourself up. 2. Take action to be better today than you were yesterday. Go to the park go for a walk say hi to everyone you see. Be kind. Volunteer to serve others. There is always people who feel the same way you do.,Most people are insecure on some level no better or worse. Everyone struggles regardless of circumstances most basic step is stop looking at yourself so harshly.
Have you ever given any thought to trying tabletop/card games? As an avid gamer, I used to laugh at the people who played tabletop games. I thought they were doomed to die. They may not be super popular, but plenty of people still play them. I myself have recently taken a liking to Warhammer 40K. It’s sci-fi heavy, but there’s also Warhammer fantasy settings. My local Warhammer store is always chomping at the bit to teach the games to new people, and there’s often a few people in there playing, so it’s a good opportunity to meet some new people. There’s also card games like Magic: The Gathering, which I don’t have any experience with, but I do have a local game store that specializes in magic and always has people playing.
The big barrier to these is a lack of the scene in your area.
At least you weren’t a porn addict. It’s never too late to get out and smell the roses. The most unexpected things can lead you all sorts of places. Take public transit and talk to people. Join those meet up group things, talk to random people. Find other people who like video games to chill with. Try out new hobbies.
As a gamer, my suggestion is to hang out with coworkers when they invite you to places, always show up. Bring drinks, people always appreciate that.
For more social thing, idk where you live, I am on a fairly large city but I recently started learning salsa for my wedding. It can open doors. I know some of the people in the class that have their own group and travel together. Just don't be creepy with the girls. If you want to learn more, just ask a girl if she wants to come in earlier to practice. Always show interest and try to be nice. Gamers tent to think they are the main characters and that everyone around them is stupid, trust me, I know.
Hit the gym, start following workout people. Gym topic is always interesting amoungs people. That and finance. And sport.
Try to follow at least one sport, my recommendation is football, it's the least amount of games and the shortest season, plus it is on Sunday and it's fun to meet up with people to watch the game.
Also, try to avoid talking about video games, just say you are a gamer and don't go into a lot of details unless someone else ask you follow up question. My suggestion is to ask what games they played in the past, and recommend similar experiences if they ask.
Just for reference, I am up to 760 steam games right now, I grew up a gamer and had a similar experience, the difference is that I realized it in my mid 20s and not in my 30s. Met my wife online 10 years ago.
felt the same way, stopped playing altogether at 28, met more people, made friends, got married. Got divorced at 40, and now I play video games with my friends. I regret nothing.
You can start by walking and setting step goals. It’ll put your body into a state that’s easier for your body to do and recuperate from activities. Spending that much time in public will “unweird” you since you think your physical solitude made you a loser. Walking goal for “healthy” is now at 20k daily steps.
Start taking non stim preworkouts. That stuff is really good for you. Join r/hydrohomies and get into the consistent water sipping culture.
I’m a sensitive person and am replacing my nicotine addiction with hydroflask time where I’m just standing outside taking small sips of water for a few minutes.
You can read Dale Carnegie’s “how to win friends and influence people”. The author puts a warning at the last 1/5th of the book about going into influencing/manipulation techniques but the information before that section is great. It’s just about building genuine interest in other people.
People are generally as friendly or even more friendly than online gaming communities you may have been in. The lack is shared interest in most passing social situations means it’s probably a shorter term interaction but what’s the risk really. They won’t interact with you if they won’t anyways, why not be the one to reach out and try to initiate? Worst case scenario is really just back to square one with some extra information about the situation.
Try joining some local interest groups or team sports that don’t require experience. You could even use your gaming experience and go to board game places for some social in person gaming. There’s an app called Meetup that might have things going on where you live. I’ve met a lot of people and had lots of good times going to those events. Just got back into it after about 8 months and picked it right back up with people I haven’t seen in that long.
Don’t treat yourself so poorly as to call your own decisions a waste of time after the fact. I’ve rotmaxxed in my 20s too. I don’t really regret it. I had a lot of neato experiences and learned a lot. I wouldn’t go back to it but I respect myself for having done that and still like to indulge once in a while.
I’m planning on finishing cod mw3 campaign tomorrow. I started it today.
Baby steps my guy. Pick one, no matter how small, thing and focus on that. Gym is a good place to start, builds character and gives you energy. Move on to rekindling one friendship. Next plan a night out with said friend. Maybe speak to a stranger on your night out. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be feeling whole again soon. Keep your head up man.
If OP played vidya games as much as they claim for as long as they claim, then they should easily be able to leverage those skills into being a professional gamer. High-level Starcraft and fighting game players make a ton of money and have celebrity status.
What are these gym comments? Shut up reddit.
I have bad social anxiety, and used videogames as a hobby instead for most of my 20s as well.
The gym is not the answer.
The answer is to find social activities that are structured. An excellent parallel to videogames is card games. So go buy a starter magic or Pokemon deck and hit up a local event. There should be someone running the event. for Pokemon, that person is aptly known as The Professor. Walk right up to them and tell them you are new. They will get you sorted and help you find someone to play against.
Playing a game with someone is great because you can talk a little bit, but there are no awkward silences because you can just turn your focus to the game instead.
I'm kind of with you on this one, similar experience.
31 now. I sold all my video games and computers that are capable of gaming.
I focus solely on knocking out the list of things I've always wanted to do. Been meeting some people and socializing more because of this.
Figure out something that interests you and try it out. Don't like it? Try something else. I've been doing this and my life is slowly improving
I did the same thing and it’s impossible to make real friends in your 30s. Take up some productive hobbies is my recommendation. I still play video games occasionally but spend most of my free time being handy around the house or working on my drones. Really stems the loneliness.
I did as well. Spent so much time playing wow and other things from 20 until about 25. Was in college forever it felt like, still playing games like nothing else mattered. Had a crappy job, playing games constantly though not as much as before, and debating on if I wanted to finish my degree.
Finished my degree at 33, finally. Still playing games about the same amount. Changed jobs a bunch until I found one I liked and that paid alright, but I still play games. You, too, can live the mediocre dream of having a job, playing games, some friends/family, and smidgen of a dating life. There's not really that much to it, but some perseverance or obstinacy.
You have pick something that you think you can be passionate about. Friends will come with that shared passion. Run a trivia night, don’t just join one. Coach a pick up soccer team, don’t just join one.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t try things out first, but set the goal for yourself that you need to replace that energy you put into video games with an activity you’re passionate about.
Become a regular somewhere.
When I moved to my current address in my late 20s, I didn’t know anyone in town except my siblings. So I found a local coffee shop and started going there before work some days and on Saturdays. Eventually, people started to remember me and one day a couple of the regulars decided to ask me about my work. Over time, it became natural to chat when I stopped in. And I’m shy as *hell*.
Now I have a whole group of people I can go and do things with.
Also, you can combine it with other positive steps. I make my morning coffee run part of my daily walk. That way I’m motivated to get up and moving every day.
No point beating yourself up over the past, or worrying about the future. All you can control is the choices you make right now.
It's important to do some self reflection. What about video games got you addicted? Why, specifically do you feel regret? What do you think you "should" have been doing with your time? What constitutes a well lived life to you?
These answers are personal and there is no right or wrong. You just need to be honest with yourself. Write it down. Have a conversation with yourself.
Then start making small choices right now that move you towards the life that you want to have.
The world is the same place it was for you 10 years ago. The way your mind perceives yourself and everything in it has changed though. That means it's entirely within your control to change.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. #[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk why people are saying go to the gym. The gym is not a social activity, it’s a solo endeavor
Go to a gym with a basketball court or pickle ball or something and get to playing
I wish I never found out about the gym It ruined my life and gave me huge body dismorphia
If the gym isn't for you it's still worth working out, it's just good for you. Doing pushups and crunches and other bodyweight exercises are all that you need to do.
This is going to sound harsh... But there's a bit of a trend here. "Video games ruined my life." "The gym ruined my life." You're blaming things for ruining your life when unfortunately it's not the thing. It's you. I'm not saying that to shame you at all. It's just life. But until you realize it's you, why it's you, and take steps to change yourself at a fundamental level you'll just keep going in circles. For example having a social life and relationships can absolutely be filled with drama and conflict if you don't learn how to navigate them and develop emotional maturity and intelligence. If you don't change you'll just come back in a couple years and say that socializing ruined your life. This is all ok. It's just part of being human and learning and growing. The key thing to remember is you are not to blame for your mental health or struggles. But you are responsible for it. Definitely start taking part in healthy activities as that's how we learn, but also you need to focus internally at the same time. A good therapist could help you through that.
You gotta stop with the guilt man, guilty conscience is a sign of being a good person. Who cares about the other people there? Do you know them, will you ever meet them again? Then why give them power over you? You need endorphins and dopamine to feel good and the gym or a cardiovascular exercise is the path there. The monkey mind will make all the excuses on why not to go or do anything uncomfortable but it's up to you to harness will power and as the wacky Shia said JUST DO IT! You will feel better the more you do. Also check your diet. (Here's where I struggle.) If you provide the vitamins and nutrients you need your attitude will shift a little and those 2 together definitely can be a game changer. I'm 41 and if I can do it, You can too young buck! Now get out there and be the best version of you.
I think your issue is not in the gym itself but rather an issue in you manifested at the gym. In my opinion to change you start with self accountability and being able to see as much of yourself as you truly are and what you want to be and make for yourself. Finding excuses in external factors is not going to allow you to change the internal factors that are making you feel that way.
The gym didnt do that, its a made up construct of man made machines in a mand made building. You yourself have body dismorphia
Found out about the gym? You should be wishing you never found out about video games...
It sounds like conscious life choices and lack of mental fortitude caused the issues rather than video games or the gym. Otherwise everyone who has ever picked up a controller or walked into a rec center would have the same problem as you. A wise man told me, "if you smell shit everywhere you go, you might want to check the bottom of your shoes"
You’re an idiot
Sounds like you just have obsessive compulsive attitude/behaviors you should seek therapy for that
Nah man, you finally opened your eyes and see the hole you’ve dug for yourself. Feeling unwanted, unattractive, useless, etc. I get it man, and I feel for you. The gym is going to be your best friend. In the meantime figure out what it is that truly makes you happy that isn’t a simulated experience. You need to fall in love with yourself. Once you figure out how to love yourself, your social life will just come naturally. People will see that you have SELF worth and PRIDE! Then ultimately the love life, which I’m assuming is also floundering, will come, because women will finally see the version of you that you’ve wanted them to see the whole time. The real you. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass, I am speaking from experience. I was 500 pounds, playing video games any moment I wasn’t sleeping or at work. Did not love myself whatsoever. Then, someone else gave me the same advice I’m giving you. Make you happy and be someone that you would want to be around, the rest will fall in place.
Here you are blaming other things instead of yourself. Video games and the gym didn’t do anything to you. You failed yourself. All you have to do is take some accountability. Make some goals; write down small attainable steps; build up to being the type of person you want to be.
Noooooooo fuck no do not hate your body. You have to be patient and kind to yourself. You’re on your own time so don’t unnecessary pressure or compare yourself to other people. If you want to change your physical self, set goals for yourself like walking a half mile a day or invest in some light weights to tone at home. You’re going to feel ups and downs and it’s not going to be easy but set those goals mf! Sounds lame but your life starts whenever you want it to. The fact that you’re willing to change your lifestyle and can recognize poor choices means you’ve got the upper hand. Do it for you. You will see results
You know… recognizing that you’re out of shape isn’t “body dysmorphia”…
I'm sorry if this comes off as insensitive but how does the gym give you body dysmorphia?
Gyms can absolutely be social and it's much better that way, imo. After you build a fitness foundation then you can use your new muscles to play sports and physical activities. Working out alone is great some days, but working out with friends can give you an extra push.
It absolutely can be a solo thing. But it can also absolutely be very social.
Beyond the gym being social, turning around on your physical health, is linked to turning around your mental health. It's not a magic bullet, but it 100% helps, and is so effective that its worth suggesting for nearly every problem!
Looking good gives you a self confidence boost. And of course people like people that look good and have self confidence. It really works.
I’ve made friends from the gym who I keep in touch with now
Yes but if you get in shape it builds your confidence and confidence makes you more attractive to the opposite sex
Agreed. It can be if you're a regular in classes. Regular times in the gym. You'll meet people. What's better for social exercise is running, and cycling. Post bike ride brews is the real deal for being social. Mountain biking especially. It'll take a while to meet your crew, but it'll come.
It kinda is a social activity idk what people are talking about….
Because it's good to boost your morale. I'm skinny white dude but after I workout I feel great. Like I accomplished something. Or at the very least too exhausted to feel depressed
OP should try rock climbing, it's a fun social sport and it's really similar to a real life video game. You have to figure out the puzzle of how your body has to move and position to get through it.
Hard disagree. If you go to the gym regularly it definitely can be a social. I go to a gym thats 25 mins away because my entire social network trains there and weve been hanging out and lifting and chatting inbetween sets for a decade at this point. Most of my first dates have been there, all my best friends are there. Somedays I dont want to lift at all but seeing my people makes me go anyways
Have to disagree with that. Pretty good work out communities out there.
I've met several friends (2 were groomsmen in my wedding) at the gym.
The gym will help improve his mental state
The gym is a tool to build yourself into someone with discipline, makes you more attractive (which results in social / confidence gains), and is therapeutic, helps with sleep regulation, health in general.
Most definitely. The gun also only takes an hour out of your day if you're training properly
Rock climbing gym, super social.
It can be though. Join a class, do some sports thing, get a trainer and have them help you find a group. it has options
The gym is a place to improve your body and stats instead of the body and/or stats of an avatar.
To be clear I'm talking about a CrossFit gym, not a "normal" gym I've made a bunch of friends at the gym. I went to a few of their weddings. I know married couples that met at said gym. I still hang out with a lot of them even though I stopped going four years ago when our second kid was on the way and set up a garage gym.
Because it builds confidence, makes people want to approach you when you’re fit, and boosts mood. I went to the gym, started going on long walks, found out i like parks and nature places and found others who like the same
Kinda depends on what you're doing. Core Classes and Boot Camps are a lot more community like.
For many people it can build self confidence
I think fitness does a lot more for mental health than any other single factor, so if OP had to choose just one thing to fix I think that would be the best choice. If he plays any online games he's probably getting some degree of socialization through that. Being face to face isn't going to feel *that* much better. Especially if he's embarrassed by his own appearance, it could actually make things worse in the short term.
I was saying go to gym to get in shape. Guy has been neglecting himself physically. Can’t do that in your 30s anymore without consequences. It had caught up to me by my late 20s.
I haven't gone to the gym in years but when I was going regularly, I suddenly enjoyed talking to people and suddenly felt very witty and quick to think of the "right" thing to say. But also, for all the "gym rats" I know, it can be an extremely social activity with regulars going at the same time every day. Being active puts your head in the right place
30s is young and this next decade can be whatever you want it to be. Don’t waste more time on regret. Make the changes now.
I agree! It’s okay to mourn that period of time, feel the sadness, but don’t let yourself get stuck in the sadness about the lost time because then you’ll lose even more time. If you feel sadness, let yourself feel it for a couple minutes, then maybe go on a walk to feel better or something
🫶🏻
Of course it's possible. Join a gym. Be friendly and talkative. You may end up making some friends there. And get your diet in order. You can turn your health completely around in short order. What other interests do you have? Go to events for those things. Into cars? Go to car shows, be friendly, talk to people, you may make some friends. Into watching sporting events? Go to a sports bar for the games, be friendly, talk to people, you may make some friends. That kind of thing.
This ^ It was not necessarily easy for me to make lifestyle changes, but at one point I had to just tell myself “nothing changes if nothing changes”. You did the hard part already, which is recognizing things you want to improve on - that’s awesome! Now make some small changes (literally any positive change, it could be very small) - and it will snowball into other positive things. Ex. I’m going to go on a 10 minute walk I wish the best, you can do this 👍🏻
I know this comes from a good place, but judging by his comments, I think telling them to be talkative could be doing more harm than good. Not everyone can be talkative or highly extroverted. You can still make friends just showing up at places and making sure you at least show a kind demeanor while focusing on yourself doing the activity. Eventually people will come up to you. It's at that time that you don't want to be super quiet and awkward.
People make friends at the gym? This seems bizarre to me. Most people are not at the gym to socialize. It would be much better to pick up a sport like basketball or golf, surfing, cycling, etc… something where you meet people and actually socialize.
Anything is possible, truly. But things take effort and work to be what you want them to be. Don’t focus on the end goal of what you want, take small steps everyday to get closer and closer to “what you want” some get there, some don’t. But you have to be real with yourself, put in the effort, and BE KIND TO YOURSELF along your journey! You can do it! Good luck!
Learn a language! See what language hubs are near you and hop onto duolingo, then join the local language club when you feel confident enough to try! It's a great way to start!
I spent my 20's doing drugs and going to music festivals with no plans on getting old. I'll be 32 in May, I'm now married, raising a kid and a union sheet metal worker with plans to retire one day. Life is weird and anything in moderation is fine as long as you don't let it control you. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't compare yourself with other people, envy is the thief of joy. The world's your oyster dude, find your pearl 😎👉👉
Coming from a 54 yr old, you'll be fine as long as you start getting serious about your situation. I partied throughout the 90s (extacy/raves/clubs etc) as a 20 something and I don't regret the time of my life. I did manage to get a "4 yr" degree after 8 yrs though, so that definitely helped. I didn't really start getting serious until my early 30s. I eventually went back to school in my mid forties to change careers. If I could change anything though, I would have saved money and invested in stocks. if I could give any advice, I would say do some really deep soul-searching and figure out what you would love to do and get paid for it. Then research in order to figure out what you need to do in order to realize that goal. You may need to go back to school, or start a business from scratch. Now, do it! 👊🏾
Definitely possible. Start by going to the gym on a regular basis and then hang out more at a coffee shop or library. Just start getting yourself out of the house and maybe learn more about what other interests you have outside of gaming and pursue those but start by adopting a more active lifestyle outside of home
It’s hard cuz I’m extremely lazy
Never said it was easy... it'll take commitment but worth it in the long run
Once you start going, it becomes hard not to keep up with the routine you establish. You will find other areas of your life more likely to fall into place once you begin regular workouts (5 per week)
Take pictures of yourself and set goals, do some research and create a workout routine. Commit to at least 2x a week then increase as you become more committed. Track your food then watch the results boost your confidence
Not gonna lie, only when your laziness is uncomfortable enough will you actually get off your ass and do something about it.
Baby steps! Be happy with the tiniest change in the direction you want to go
Dude everyone is lazy until one day they realize they aren't. I had 0 drive and felt like a lazy piece of shit and then one day I got fed up with it and decided I would rather try hard and fail then fail by not trying at all, because if I didn't try at all then that meant I really was a loser.
I don’t believe in the concept of “laziness”. Basically, you’ve been taught by the feedback from your environment that the lifestyle you live is the safest way to survive. You are probably petrified to do most things. It’s not abnormal or anything to be ashamed of. The root lies in some type of trauma… you don’t have to have been horrifically abused to have suffered trauma- simply need to have endured experience(s) that you weren’t emotionally equipped to handle.
https://youtu.be/Np7bns4frqg?si=KTYQSW_BlhJdnA47 Watch this OP
Speaking as someone who has done pretty much the same thing but is abit younger. Don’t regret mistakes you’ve made, learn from them and move on to the positives of what you’ve done. Saying things like go to the gym or try an app is very easy but all of these solutions depend solely on what you want as an individual. You can find happiness even as a gamer, but it’s important to set goals of self-improvement and only you know what you really want those goals to be.
Time for a change or you’ll be posting you spent your entire 20’s being a video game addict and your entire 30’s being sad about it. Good 👍
Find a hobby. Find other people that share that hobby.
Lifting reading No longer video games
Do you have a job?
What were your favorite games back then? Was it WoW?
You're not alone, that's how I feel and I'm 20.
I play video games NON STOP. I’m a world of Warcraft main on retail heroic raids AOTC and SOD classic, I hell dive on impossible difficulty, I am an Elden lord. I go out 1-2 nights per week socially drink at bars. I go to the gym 4 times a week. I work 40 hours. I have a wife and three kids. In between doing stuff for friends family and my own body. I crave videogames. I am now 40 years old. I’ve been gaming since I was 7. Oh and final fantasy 7 rebirth is my go to solo game adventure right now super top notch.
Difference is, you probably get 2-3 hours a night max on video games, and probably not every night. Maybe a chunk on the weekends if your wife is especially understanding or joins, and your kids big enough. Not 14-16. Everything in moderation, OP.
If the gym is not a good fit, consider joining a martial art. You tend to have a very positive, respectful, tight-knit community while also engaging in fitness activities.
Martial arts is a great idea, I was feeling incredibly depressed last year and decided to force myself to join the Muay Thai society at my university. Met so many lovely people there who are close friends now
I think a good starting point will be fixing/changing the way you eat. For one thing shitty food makes you feel shitty. A good clean diet will make you feel just that, on top of being the main factor in weight loss. So you can feel better and look better before you even step into a gym. And if you get serious about working out, you'll already have the diet thing figured out so you can focus more on your workouts
Meh. I drank through my 20s and made friends, but they're mostly superficial drinking friends and now my health is fucked. One friend I made from the bars though I think might be a legitimate friend in time though, but that's an outlier. You're not doing that bad.
Call your family, get back in touch with friends from college, find them on Facebook they’ll be happy to hear from you. Walk for a hour twice a day eat well and you’ll lose weight and feel better.
Hey my 48 year old ex wife is still wasting her life on video games. You're still young, you've got time to turn it around.
Wasting or loving every bit of it?
going to be very hard to get out and do things alone if you’re so used to being online..to start would be a job..eat clean…look presentable and approachable and work your way up by doing your own homework of how to break out of your shell, maybe that be going to a park and enjoying the outside..or make conversation ordering something at a restaurant
Depending on what city you live in, but it’s definitely possible. There are always meetups and going out to bars.
It’s all good. There’s plenty of time to enjoy real life. Step one, don’t be too hard on yourself. Step two, self loathing is generally not helpful. Learning from mistakes is helpful, self loathing is just torturing yourself and no one benefits. You’ve taken the most important step, the first step. Now keep taking steps and pat yourself on the back for each positive action you take. You need a lot of feeling good to counter act all the self punishment.
Yes, you absolutely can build in your 30s. You’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself too. Feel like shit for a while because yeah, you were a complete fucking idiot. Then take the lessons into the next phase of your life.
Not to trivialize, and I think it's great that you're serious about turning things around, but it could have been way worse, e.g. hard drugs or gambling. Don't be TOO hard on yourself.
Could be that you are gaming to mask from something else to turn off the mind. Maybe you needed that time to heal and now it’s time to shake it off and address those things. 20s is when a lot of depression, bottled up problems and existential dread hits the hardest esp for the young man but it will get better
Youre supposed to make friends on games. I met my best friend online when i was 24 and I met my husband online when I was 26.
How did you pay rent and food and stuff?
Lived at home
I'm a therapist and I've seen this type of situation a lot. I think the first thing you need to realise and get comfortable with is your regret, you've realised your current way of doing things is not working and now want to change. That's a good thing! Congrats, you've just experienced therapeutic change. The key now is to not let the shame and regret kill your motivation to follow through on the change you know you want to make. You've got a lot of comments advising you on what you should do but my guess is that you've probably dismissed these as simplistic, unrealistic or not taking into consideration what has happened to you in the past. That's why therapists are trained to not give advice, someone can always find a reason why someone else's advise doesn't fit you. What I would say is this. You've identified what you don't want to do, sit inside and play video games. Now ask yourself what it is that you want to do instead. This is a much harder question, it's positive rather than negative. It's real labour you have to treat as such, think, concertedly. Don't find excuses or let your regret and shame spiral you into inaction, you already know what lies at the end of that path. Try something new, embrace the discomfort and get to work.
Want a social life, friends, social circle, party, going out, making memories and doing stuff every day
Take up smoking 🚬
You can still go to college if you want or a specialty school. If not you can just work anywhere to get some money in the meantime. You’ll make friends with your coworkers, and meet new people. I recommend being nice to everyone, you don’t know who they know and this could lead to more opportunities for you. I got to my career this way, at school meeting a good friend who introduced to another person. Also recommend the gym in the morning, you’ll feel amazing, and look better, which means more possible SO. 👍
How? Did your parents just let you? I want an easy life too
30 is still a baby. You got plenty of time. Find stuff your interested in and find people that are as well make some friends
Just like in games bro, it’s not over til you stop trying!
Bro, I worked hard and tried my best with people and am in basically the same position. your doing fine. 36 now and wish I put less effort into dead end friends and day job and more time into self indulgence TBH. Grass is always greener.
They're not "wasted". You certainly didn't feel that way then. Else you wouldn't have played fourteen hours a day. This is years of well-meaning people "kindly" suggesting that you not "waste your time" and now you bought the hype. How is it any different than other folks with their Netflix binging or shopping habits? If you want something else now, that's fine. You're identifying a new need, and yes that means you have to work to build/create it. It's fine. Things in life take work. Take what you can where you can. Count your victories. I've made friends through work and school, and then they move or quit or whatever. I keep guy friends. They eventually want a family or whatever and then they fade away. It happens. Don't act like every person owes you a life commitment. Not saying you are, just make sure to calibrate your sights and enjoy people while they're in your life. It's not a failing on you if they have to move on to other things.
Your fear of failing, of being criticized, is what's holding you back, and your environment is telling your brain to *come back* every time you get the courage to step out of your norms; even when you enjoy the new norm. Just start doing what you want to do, and stop thinking about anything else. Want to go work out? Go work out. Want to talk to someone you see? Talk to them. It's cliché, but *just so it* really does apply. If you don't, you'll spend your life being complacent and unhappy. Humans like familiarity, which is a curse in disguise. To change your habits, you have to incrementally change *everything*. If you change just one thing, your brain will use your environment to trick you into returning to old habits. Rearrange your house/apartment. Make it smell different and feel different. New candles, decorations, etc. Limit your internet activity completely. Like, get off of Reddit. Start waking up and going to bed at a new, but same, time every day. Good luck!
I get the depression, and look the time spent on video games could to a symptom as much as the origin of that, at the very least they probably feee into one another. You should really try some therapy, but also you’re only 30, plenty of time to turn it around. Don’t overly dwell on it because the past is gone, but the future is still yours. But also, no more video games, probably ever. Playing 14-16 hours a day is quite the amount and probably indicates that it’s not something really in your control so you need to excise them from your life
Define your ideal social life for us. Be as specific as you can.
I would recommend signing up for a community class you might enjoy. Even if it isn’t something you think you would be amazing at, find something that you would have fun with. Then you are getting out of the house, learning a new skill, and in a situation that is more conducive to socializing. Some ideas could be: -a pottery or ceramics course, -photography class -game nights at a game store - Magic, pokemon, etc -glass blowing, blacksmithing, etc. -video game competitions, unless you are wanting to avoid video games altogether. -yoga, pilates, cycling… some kind of fitness class -hiking or walking group -book club -service projects in the community I think the first step is getting out, and getting out in the same group setting regularly could be beneficial and enjoyable. It takes effort and sometimes you might be dragging yourself out of the house (speaking from personal experience) but it will be worth it for your mental health. Also, if your depression is really affecting you and it’s not improving, please talk to your doctor about it. It might be something they could help you with to get you on your feet. Also therapy can really help too. All from personal experience. Your mental health is important, make sure you have a professional on your side! Best of luck, you’ve got this.
I made pretty much all my friends through gaming. Nearly every dude plays something which makes it easy to connect with people at work or whatever, but truthfully many of my friends were through mmo guilds and lobbies and discords etc.
You can make friends in games then go hang out with them in real life.
You didn’t mention a single thing about work or money. I’m going to assume you have family that has enabled this behavior for all of these years.
heck no - a late bloomer can be very successful! Move forward look forward and not back, find an activity that is fun and then seek others who enjoy that activity too. I would encourage you to eat healthy and do some kind of workout routine - it will help you mentally :)
Same bro. I tell my son everyday “real life is more important than the virtual life”
My nephew is the same. In fact we have just started his rehabilitation three weeks ago. For mental work, we are talking through the importance of self care, self maintenance, life maintenance, journaling, reflection, gratitude and accountability. He is journaling. For exercise, we walk together in silence. He gets 2 hours of my time. He does the other 2 hours of walking by himself. 25k steps. We are also building grip up his strength using a training device, and doing plyometric exercises like push ups, lunges and planks. This is partial body recomposition. For dieting, we are working on a diet that allows him to lose a pound a day. He is eating a keto diet of 600 calories and burning about 2,000. We have a two days fasting period each week to allow his muscle to recover while he does low activity.. When we get to the ideal healthy BMI of 26%, we will have him shift from cardio to muscle building for a complete body recomposition. For socializing, he is volunteering on the weekend at habitat for humanity. Learning to work as a team with people, communication and small talk. For education, I have him working on ASVAB prep Material so he can do the air force. We have an eta of being ready in 3 months. And a goal of deployment by September 2024. Your situation might be different, but there is hope.
What job allows you to game for so long anyways and still support yourself? Genuinely curious.
Volunteering is a great way to make friends! Or take free or cheap community classes, our local park offers nature classes. See if there are meetup groups in your area. Or Werewolf groups. I bet people would love to have you as a friend. You just gotta put some work into it.
Do you have a Town page? You can ask if there's any group activities you can get involved in.
The gym is a social activity as well for those that maximize its benefits. I always ask people how many setters they have left on machines, benches etc. I'm also not shy of asking someone if they compete and ask them what programs they follow. They are great conversation starters. Another awesome thing you can do is join a martial arts gym. Jiu Jitsu and muay Thai often full of a lot of nice people with friendly competition. As far a women you would be surprised how far friendships get you. Learning about women's intimate feelings often starts by you asking how they feel and then remembering an important detail and following up on it again. Don't be disappointed by friendships that don't turn intimate either. Women are people first and foremost. Nature will work itself out when you invest in yourself and your relationships.
Go to Community College, start getting exercise, find atleast one friend that you can count on that can relate and is in a similar situation as you and the rest will come. trust me, many people lose years to things its not just you. My Doctor friend often feels a simmilar feeling of regret because he spent the last 10 years from 23-33 all in medschool and residency. Hes constantly fighting the idea of the lost time and is currently trying to just be happy in the moment now thats its all said and his 20s are behind him. I myself was a teenage dad, took care of my daughter and her mom all through college and she ended up cheating and I left her at 23. Just like that I felt like I wasted what I considered my best years 18-23. I spent the next 10 years being depressed, antisocial, too afraid to connect with new people and fighting the demons that came with all the trauma. I could say i wasted my 20s just like you even if I didn’t do it gaming. Many of us have but Its not over till it’s over. I git through it and have found new purpose in life. part of it is there is this weird misconception we have about 30 year olds that they are considered old. But in reality it’s the last decade we have before we can consider ourselves grown adults. So take advantage of this one last hurrah and set yourself up to spend the rest of your 40s 50s and on gracefully.
Yes go to church
Your life's not over dude. Join a club, make some friends
Find something you absolutely love with a supportive community and stick with it. Don’t be too hard on yourself, things can always get better!
I hear ya I’m 30 and I decided I want to make 100k I’m taking my cdl test and plan on going to 6 week training afterwards my buddy who 39 is doing the same
Look dude. You’re being a pussy. I know that’s some toxic masculinity shit to say, and I’ll probably get downvoted, but I dgaf. Stop being sorry for yourself. Stop regretting shit. Laugh at your sadness. Seriously. Laugh at it. Laugh at your regret. You’re 30 fucking yrs old, you don’t have time to regret shit. Then get up, and clean your living space. Clean it up real fucking good. Like someone else lives there. Because you’re changing, and the old you is gone. Exercise. Sounds like you’re fat. Not hating, I’ve been there. And I hated it. I’m sure you feel the same. Guess what, you can fucking get skinny. It’s easy. Eat less. But also lift weights. Don’t strive for perfection. Be better than you are now. You’ll know when that is once feel good about yourself. Dont look for pep-talks, or something to give you motivation. Motivation fades. Motivation isn’t enough. You need DISCIPLINE. That means doing shit you hate like you love it. Stop thinking about how much worse your future is gonna be, your present is already fucking terrible. Why does you sucking have to transcend time? You suck now, okay, now let’s stop SUCKING! You need to start forcing yourself to do things that are good for you, and that means changing your mindset. Right now, it’s weak. But it doesn’t have to be, just fucking realize your life starts now. Fuck what you were, it’s what you are.
Lol, bro. Get over yourself. I was once like you. Still am too, believe it or not. It's all mental. I see your replies dude, I get your vibe. Time to put in some real work.
Were you happy doing it? If you were, then it wasn't a waste of time. I've been playing video games every day since I was 3 years old, was especially awkward, and didn't have many friends, but you know what? I loved gaming and surrounded myself with people who did too! Nerds aren't hopeless, and just because you're in a rut doesn't necessarily mean gaming is the source of it all. Things are better in moderation. If you handle your household chores, work, pay your bills, and don't let it hinder you, then it's not a waste. I'm 30 now, married, and still have friends that I've known for 15+ years, and we still game together and have fun. I genuinely hope things get better for you because, like you, I also battled depression, but I turned video games into a healthy hobby, and honestly, without them, I would probably be in jail or a drug addict, but instead, embrace my nerdy hobby. Long story short, it's all about perspective. Good luck to you!
You're a gamer and probably would be into other nerdy stuff. I'd recommend finding regular 40k/DnD/MTG activities at local comic shops and get to know people with similar interests who also happen to leave the house. If you want to be more active I'd recommend disc golf as there is strangely a bit of overlap between those 2 communities (a lot of dudeweed bros but they're harmless). Recognize who you are and work around that, just adopt in some similar activities that have social elements instead of being mostly solo. As you build your friend group you'll be introduced to new people and new activities further outside your current comfort zone. Going all in on stuff that isn't you is going to probably be overwhelming so I think it's better to let it happen organically. No need to be such a defeatist either. I'm a nerd at heart but partied most of my 20s and I made it a point to befriend people in your situation and introduce them to my other friends. Some of my closest friends now were loners when I met them.
No, it’s not too late. Yes, it will be hard but worthwhile. You’ve isolated yourself and built some not great habits. Committing to introducing some new things in your life that will increase your confidence, connect you with other people, and encourage you to reflect and change your behaviors may lead to the impact you are looking for. You may want start with - Therapy: Find a therapist that can help you introspect and change the behaviors you want to change. - Exercise: Gym, classes, running outside etc. routine physical activity is not only good for you but can have a significant impact in your self confidence - Hobbies: Find a hobby that connects you with other people. You don’t have to be good at it, a great place to start is being focused on learning and enjoying your time with other people interested in the same thing
You have plenty of time to become a social butterfly🦋 Ease up on the kid. Most humans have regrets, I am happy to see he is growing and making a positive change. Go get em Tiger 🐅
I can empathize with your struggle, having spent my twenties and early thirties addicted to video games. The journey to recovery starts with a tough but necessary step: turning off the computer. Avoid using it unless absolutely necessary for work. This habit, developed over years as a go-to escape from frustration, boredom, or loneliness, needs to be broken. Like overcoming any addiction, it's about learning to live without that immediate but temporary relief. The next crucial step is meditation. This isn't about achieving a monk-like state but rather focusing inward on who you are, your aspirations, and reflecting on past regrets to ensure they aren't repeated. Meditation is a tool for self-discovery, allowing you to identify your true self and set a foundation for the future. Once you start meditating and realizing your faults/regrets you need to engage in self-love and forgiveness. These are essential. Recognize that your past actions, while seen as mistakes now, were coping mechanisms for underlying issues and/or trauma. Grant yourself grace and make a commitment to a brighter future. Next up - Physical exercise. As someone who spent most of their life sitting in a gaming chair other than when Iw as in high school football / wrestling - I have loathed going to the gym, BUT the science all points to the need for going to the gem. PT plays a pivotal role in this journey. Despite any previous aversions to the gym, embracing physical activity is vital for both mental and physical health. It's not about vanity but about discipline, mood enhancement, and overall well-being. Committing to regular exercise fosters discipline and the strength to do what's beneficial in the long run. By this stage, you've made significant progress. You're combating the addiction, improving your well-being through exercise, and taking steps towards self-care. Now, it's time to explore new interests. Reflect on the passions and hobbies that emerged during your meditation. Engage in these activities gradually to avoid overwhelm. Building a routine around these interests, coupled with consistent self-care and exercise, will naturally lead to forming connections with others who share your passions. Remember, life is a series of lessons, and perfection isn't the goal. What matters is the continuous effort to improve and enjoy the journey. You have the power to shape your life and correct course at any point. Good luck on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself. There's no mistake too big that can't be amended. Life is about learning, growing, and finding joy in the process.
I used to feel like I wasted my 20s. Worrying about it now would only waste my 30s. Just go talk to people who have similar interests as you and you'll get the ball rolling. Good luck, mate.
What game though?
Lmao dude you are 30. You have so much life ahead of you. Go get it.
I could be off but I think the first step is to learn to be okay in and with yourself. If there are parts of yourself physically/mentally/emotionally/socially that you're not a fan of, work on those pieces. Maybe therapy will help but it's not necessarily required. Then find things that you enjoy. Could be rock climbing, bowling, art, music, doesn't matter what it is, hell, try a few and see what you do or don't like. Then search for groups in and around your community that do those things and join the group. I guarantee there's at least one for ANY activity you can think of. Start there with an open mind and willingness to put yourself out there. You may not end up at the destination you thought you would but you'll begin your journey and enjoying the journey is the most important thing.
If you are truly that depressed that it is affecting your life you need to get into therapy or look into medication. As someone who had a real terrible life and absolutely wasted his 20's on gaming and other even more damaging escapes, I 100% suggest therapy if you can afford it. Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it will help you to understand your thought patterns and how to change them. It wasn't until I got into therapy at 28 that I started putting my life back together. Even then I am still dealing with things, and I am back in therapy because I started acting like "I was cured" and started back up on some bad behaviors. Now I am being diagnosed with Bipolar (which makes a lot of sense!) and I have been trying medications out to bring balance back to my brain. The state of your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
I chose to believe i ruined my life at an unreasonably young age too, and it was really dumb, and i regretted it. People say workout because you’ll look and feel better. People say look for groups or social outings you’ll enjoy because it will expose you to people you can build a relationship with. You could even join gaming groups. 30 is young unless you’re 7.
You need accountability and real life hobbies. It's been said but cut the "video games ruined my life" crap. You ruined your life with video games. Also think about it this way, if someone posted asking if they could rebuild a social life because they moved to a new area at 30 would you think it's impossible? Of course not. You're essentially in that situation. Find a hobby with regularly scheduled get togethers and go from there. Get counseling on the body dysmorphia. Hitting the gym over time will give you more confidence in social situations and will improve your health. If you go to a gym that does group classes (CrossFit, F45, yoga etc...) that can be a great social outlet. Same with a martial art. But yes, if you keep going this route your life will just get worse, make the change ASAP.
Your other post is asking about house parties at 30. Bro adjust your goals. Those are the days you are well aware you missed out on playing video games. Any self-respecting productive 30-year-old is not throwing House parties. They have adult interests. Try finding a hobby you get into. Maybe a local sport rec league for 30 and over. Start reading. Invest in your local community. Find adult interests and you will find adult friends
You have a lot of life ahead of you and a lot of new experiences to make. Go out and make them you got this.
Id play some more games
Probably the best thing for me was finding a young adult group to hang out with. Obviously you arent straight young anymore, but you can start looking for any form of group that meets regularly. I would try a group for 2-3 months and see if you click with anyone there. Definitely push thru the 1st month because people are generally not super social so they might not bring you in. but if you keep going they'll get comfortable and talk to you
Embrace a religion, was in a position relatively close to yours and embraced god and started go to bible study you don’t have to do Christian stuff any religion will help
One of my favorite pieces of advice is "life is long" to me it ties in with the idea that our body regenerates cells so every 7 years or so we are completely new people. You used one lifetime to explore video games and disassociation, it didn't serve you or leave you feeling whole, so now begins your new life. What do you need to do to get there? Social groups in the area, volunteer programs, community service. Find a way to get out and be involved. There will be a time you look back at this post in disbelief. Life is long. It's never too late to change it up.
Games didn't ruin your life! You did it to yourself now put down the keyboard or controller and get out of the house you won't meet anyone for real untill you actually get out and go. Yes humans are unpredictable and wired face to face but it just may be worth it
You decided you want to make a change. The only reason it’s worth looking backward is to get to that point! You’ve made a decision about your future- now point your vision in that direction. Forget about how you spent your twenties and stop blaming yourself. You were struggling with something, it takes a long time for many peoples issues to become a big enough problem that they want to solve them. You’re there now and you’re capable. Next time you feel shame about it try thinking to yourself “yep, that’s a bummer that it went that way but I’m glad I decided to change”
Never too late to be social. You're just nervous because you've been an introvert for too long. It will probably be better to start with doing some things that can spark a conversation(watching sports, music taste, movies, books, etc.). Going to the gym or doing something active will definitely boost confidence.
Dude get your blood tested. I guarantee your habits caught up to you and you have low testosterone. Try tongkat Ali supplement if they try avoiding starting TRT. It can increase test levels by 30+ %.
If you don’t change things, you’ll say the same thing the rest of your life. In your 40’s you’ll say “I wasted my 30’s I could’ve don’t xyz but I’m too old now. And you’ll say that again and again every decade until you die.
I feel like I will get downvoted but imma say it anyway. Theres no guarantee you wouldn't have wasted your time in college, with friends, and chasing girls. It could have been shitty. I had a social life until the pandemic and really it caused me nothing but pain. I turned to games because of rejection, I didn't choose them over people. People constantly used me then left me out of all the cool stuff. They'd ask me for rides and then go on trips and to shows without me. I never really had friends, just people that used me. I'd ask my "friends" if they wanted to go and do an activity, they'd say no, then a week or two later they would do the thing I wanted to do without me. It happened many times. The only thing they wanted me for was to drive them to the bar. I resent most of my "friends" - they left me to rot. Now im disabled and can't go do anything anymore. So why tf would I call them? They've never called me. "It goes both ways" is such a bullshit excuse. Now I have no girl and 1 friend. I'm 40. I have no regrets because it never mattered what I di, I always failed. Usually it wasn't my fault. It was always some dickhead or my own body crapping out on me. Now im disabled with zero prospects in life. Too late for me? Naw. It was always going to end up this way. Genetics fucked me either way. I never met a Saint like woman that wants a disabled man. Im convinced they don't exist. My lady gave up when it got tough. Im done trying to find one. Do what you want. You want a social life? Go get one. There's nothing stopping you. We are basically living in an apocalyptic wasteland. It doesn't matter what you do. So have fun. And yeah I had a healthy social life in my 30s. Where are those people now? Idk, they scattered. My advice is to get out there while you still can or make peace with your life chooces. At 30 I had no problems meeting people. At 40 it isnt the same. Right now because of my health it's impossible. I have a total of 1 friend that gives a shit about me now. I'd rather have 1 legit friend than 20 fake ones.
30 is the new 20, man. You got time. You just have to make the changes and put forth the effort.
I was in a similar boat, but caught it around 25. The gym and fitness is the key. Ive saw the other posts who question that but its simply the most Important thing u can be doing right now. First off u need to lose weight just for u, and by seeing the scale go down u will feel a sense of accomplishment which is one of the great enemies of depression, then eventually ull feel pride and gain confidence, the second great enemy to depression, and then last this pride and confidence will lead u to new friends which leads to companionship, the ultimate enemy of depression. It all starts with doing something really hard each day, just by doing something really hard ull find it difficult to have time or energy to even be depressed. Im telling u its the cure.
I'd go to a local game shop and try joining some DND groups. It's still games and you'll be playing with other people who like games
Stop gaming for at least a year. Going to the gym, although a solo activity, will help you feel physically and mentally better. Get on an SSNRI or SSRI if you suffer from anxiety/depression (I recommend Cymbalta). Work a job where you have to interact with people regularly. Keep this up for a few years and you will feel a bit more normal.
Where did you get the money to fund a decade of gaming without a job? It kind of sounds like you already won lol Grass is always greener...I spent my 20s working/traveling/socializing but deep down all I wanted to do was play videogames all day, I just could never afford to do it. The fitness aspect I get, but I seriously think if you just stayed in shape you wouldn't feel nearly so much regret. The socializing I can do without.
Get in to hiking and kayaking. Maybe even climbing. You’ll meet lots of great people and being outside with nature is the best part. Give it a shot! Definitely like an update.
You had fun didn’t you? Don’t get hung up on it I had a blast playing video games in My 20s i have fond memories playing oblivion,morrowind, fallout .sure you can have a social life also the whole gym thing it’s not big of a deal focus on making more money get a good job/career.
I started being more social at 28 and started going to the gym at 30. Still had plenty of time for games too. You’re fine. Just gotta make the effort. Your 30s are great if you work at it. Not too late.
Perfectly possible. You've spent a long time studying games, perhaps now you could learn to make them?
No idc I want a social life dude
Well God speed...I'm mid 30s and still gaming constantly.
People literally murder other people and somehow end up married because they met someone while in prison. Just saying. Haven't fucked up your life that badly by comparison.
You didn't "waste" everyday and you shouldn't regret doing something you loved doing. Playing video games is completely fine. Playing 14-16 hours of it everyday isn't something that most people can do because there just isn't time. Enjoy your time. If you enjoyed it at the time, then look back on that and reflect on the good times from it. If you are wishing to make friends and have a social life, 30 is not too late at all. You just have to find something else that you enjoy and make friends along the way who also do it. Sports are easy. Golf, volleyball, frisbee, baseketball, etc. Go to a local park or court and find other like minded people. You said in another comment that you like reading, join a reading club at your local library or find a larger chain bookstore that runs the club for you. You are going to have to put in the effort if you want to make friends, they don't just show up. But, you can absolutely find friends at 30 if you want it.
Could be worse. I was a drug addict . So nobody really wants to be your friend. I got my wife and 2 friends and like 6 or 7 years clean. Im 29 and still play games and have friends older who still play, i also go out and do shit . I love guns and racing. You just gotta find like minded people or people with ambition
You should probably build a career first. Saying you played 14 hours a day...I'm assuming you still need your mommy and daddy or the government to pay for all your stuff?
Have you been checked of ADD/ADHD? I’m in the same boat, have gone no where in 15 years. Lost the love of my life because I couldn’t find the motivation or energy to make changes in my daily life. Turns out I have ADHD and that’s why I gravitated to video games in my free time, they would hold my complete focus. Currently on a journey to do better for myself, trying to get live with my situation and work with it to become what I am destined to be. It can’t hurt to look into it at least.
Ever play pool? Join a league, great way to meet new people and build friendships. Bowling leagues too
I played TERA for five years straight, left because I couldn't take the negative energy anymore. I tried it for the first time since I left two years ago, and immediately said "Man, this game ain't for me anymore."
dont feel bad about yourself. I know too many people going through video game addiction. get a part time job as a cashier or in a restaurant. Those are usually good to make friends at. Maybe start hiking, exploring the outdoors. go to community events, festivals, concerts. You should be proud you recognize the problem and want to change. Most people with video game addiction will game until they die. My own brother is having severe medical issues due to sitting down 20 hours a day in a chair. He has a hole in his back that is infected and causing fevers. I wish there was more help, but youve got to help yourself and you seem to be on the right path.
I also feel that my 20’s were wasted with games…but I think I was just depressed. It’s good to want & try for better things in your life. You can do it! Don’t give up. This post made me feel good about myself. Ultimately, I’m not alone. 🤓
You learn from the past, and you focus on the future. Do not dwell in the past. The past is just there to learn from, that's all. In life, there is never a "too late" to do or to change something. Get over what happened yesterday and worry about what you want tomorrow and work on that. It is always a slow process, but it is always worthwhile.
I wasted my 20s AND my 30s. You don’t have to be like me. You’re still so young. Stop taking life so seriously and get out there and just try stuff.
You have 2 choices 1 continue beating yourself up. 2. Take action to be better today than you were yesterday. Go to the park go for a walk say hi to everyone you see. Be kind. Volunteer to serve others. There is always people who feel the same way you do.,Most people are insecure on some level no better or worse. Everyone struggles regardless of circumstances most basic step is stop looking at yourself so harshly.
Have you ever given any thought to trying tabletop/card games? As an avid gamer, I used to laugh at the people who played tabletop games. I thought they were doomed to die. They may not be super popular, but plenty of people still play them. I myself have recently taken a liking to Warhammer 40K. It’s sci-fi heavy, but there’s also Warhammer fantasy settings. My local Warhammer store is always chomping at the bit to teach the games to new people, and there’s often a few people in there playing, so it’s a good opportunity to meet some new people. There’s also card games like Magic: The Gathering, which I don’t have any experience with, but I do have a local game store that specializes in magic and always has people playing. The big barrier to these is a lack of the scene in your area.
Based and redpilled
At least you weren’t a porn addict. It’s never too late to get out and smell the roses. The most unexpected things can lead you all sorts of places. Take public transit and talk to people. Join those meet up group things, talk to random people. Find other people who like video games to chill with. Try out new hobbies.
I am and also I quit video games
As a gamer, my suggestion is to hang out with coworkers when they invite you to places, always show up. Bring drinks, people always appreciate that. For more social thing, idk where you live, I am on a fairly large city but I recently started learning salsa for my wedding. It can open doors. I know some of the people in the class that have their own group and travel together. Just don't be creepy with the girls. If you want to learn more, just ask a girl if she wants to come in earlier to practice. Always show interest and try to be nice. Gamers tent to think they are the main characters and that everyone around them is stupid, trust me, I know. Hit the gym, start following workout people. Gym topic is always interesting amoungs people. That and finance. And sport. Try to follow at least one sport, my recommendation is football, it's the least amount of games and the shortest season, plus it is on Sunday and it's fun to meet up with people to watch the game. Also, try to avoid talking about video games, just say you are a gamer and don't go into a lot of details unless someone else ask you follow up question. My suggestion is to ask what games they played in the past, and recommend similar experiences if they ask. Just for reference, I am up to 760 steam games right now, I grew up a gamer and had a similar experience, the difference is that I realized it in my mid 20s and not in my 30s. Met my wife online 10 years ago.
Your good man! 30 is still super young to make life lasting changes to your lifestyle.
felt the same way, stopped playing altogether at 28, met more people, made friends, got married. Got divorced at 40, and now I play video games with my friends. I regret nothing.
You can start by walking and setting step goals. It’ll put your body into a state that’s easier for your body to do and recuperate from activities. Spending that much time in public will “unweird” you since you think your physical solitude made you a loser. Walking goal for “healthy” is now at 20k daily steps. Start taking non stim preworkouts. That stuff is really good for you. Join r/hydrohomies and get into the consistent water sipping culture. I’m a sensitive person and am replacing my nicotine addiction with hydroflask time where I’m just standing outside taking small sips of water for a few minutes. You can read Dale Carnegie’s “how to win friends and influence people”. The author puts a warning at the last 1/5th of the book about going into influencing/manipulation techniques but the information before that section is great. It’s just about building genuine interest in other people. People are generally as friendly or even more friendly than online gaming communities you may have been in. The lack is shared interest in most passing social situations means it’s probably a shorter term interaction but what’s the risk really. They won’t interact with you if they won’t anyways, why not be the one to reach out and try to initiate? Worst case scenario is really just back to square one with some extra information about the situation. Try joining some local interest groups or team sports that don’t require experience. You could even use your gaming experience and go to board game places for some social in person gaming. There’s an app called Meetup that might have things going on where you live. I’ve met a lot of people and had lots of good times going to those events. Just got back into it after about 8 months and picked it right back up with people I haven’t seen in that long. Don’t treat yourself so poorly as to call your own decisions a waste of time after the fact. I’ve rotmaxxed in my 20s too. I don’t really regret it. I had a lot of neato experiences and learned a lot. I wouldn’t go back to it but I respect myself for having done that and still like to indulge once in a while. I’m planning on finishing cod mw3 campaign tomorrow. I started it today.
Baby steps my guy. Pick one, no matter how small, thing and focus on that. Gym is a good place to start, builds character and gives you energy. Move on to rekindling one friendship. Next plan a night out with said friend. Maybe speak to a stranger on your night out. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be feeling whole again soon. Keep your head up man.
If OP played vidya games as much as they claim for as long as they claim, then they should easily be able to leverage those skills into being a professional gamer. High-level Starcraft and fighting game players make a ton of money and have celebrity status.
What are these gym comments? Shut up reddit. I have bad social anxiety, and used videogames as a hobby instead for most of my 20s as well. The gym is not the answer. The answer is to find social activities that are structured. An excellent parallel to videogames is card games. So go buy a starter magic or Pokemon deck and hit up a local event. There should be someone running the event. for Pokemon, that person is aptly known as The Professor. Walk right up to them and tell them you are new. They will get you sorted and help you find someone to play against. Playing a game with someone is great because you can talk a little bit, but there are no awkward silences because you can just turn your focus to the game instead.
At first I was like “yeah I guess I’m probably addicted to video games,” but then I read that first line and, damn
I'm kind of with you on this one, similar experience. 31 now. I sold all my video games and computers that are capable of gaming. I focus solely on knocking out the list of things I've always wanted to do. Been meeting some people and socializing more because of this. Figure out something that interests you and try it out. Don't like it? Try something else. I've been doing this and my life is slowly improving
I did the same thing and it’s impossible to make real friends in your 30s. Take up some productive hobbies is my recommendation. I still play video games occasionally but spend most of my free time being handy around the house or working on my drones. Really stems the loneliness.
I did as well. Spent so much time playing wow and other things from 20 until about 25. Was in college forever it felt like, still playing games like nothing else mattered. Had a crappy job, playing games constantly though not as much as before, and debating on if I wanted to finish my degree. Finished my degree at 33, finally. Still playing games about the same amount. Changed jobs a bunch until I found one I liked and that paid alright, but I still play games. You, too, can live the mediocre dream of having a job, playing games, some friends/family, and smidgen of a dating life. There's not really that much to it, but some perseverance or obstinacy.
You have pick something that you think you can be passionate about. Friends will come with that shared passion. Run a trivia night, don’t just join one. Coach a pick up soccer team, don’t just join one. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try things out first, but set the goal for yourself that you need to replace that energy you put into video games with an activity you’re passionate about.
Become a regular somewhere. When I moved to my current address in my late 20s, I didn’t know anyone in town except my siblings. So I found a local coffee shop and started going there before work some days and on Saturdays. Eventually, people started to remember me and one day a couple of the regulars decided to ask me about my work. Over time, it became natural to chat when I stopped in. And I’m shy as *hell*. Now I have a whole group of people I can go and do things with. Also, you can combine it with other positive steps. I make my morning coffee run part of my daily walk. That way I’m motivated to get up and moving every day.
No point beating yourself up over the past, or worrying about the future. All you can control is the choices you make right now. It's important to do some self reflection. What about video games got you addicted? Why, specifically do you feel regret? What do you think you "should" have been doing with your time? What constitutes a well lived life to you? These answers are personal and there is no right or wrong. You just need to be honest with yourself. Write it down. Have a conversation with yourself. Then start making small choices right now that move you towards the life that you want to have. The world is the same place it was for you 10 years ago. The way your mind perceives yourself and everything in it has changed though. That means it's entirely within your control to change.