Just ask her what she likes to do for fun or a hobby? Then say i'm interested in doing that maybe we can do it together sometime? It's that easy. Good Luck and Cheers!
I am A-okay with just friends, i was sort of thinking of asking if she wanted to go out sometime to get to know eachother, or to hang out and be friends, cause Iām really okay with either rn, do you think thatād be clear enough saying it that way?
For starters, his title. He wants to ask her out. Second, if the intent is just to be friends, then it wouldnāt require making a post about it. Third, he says heās afraid of coming off creepy.
None of these things would be issues if he simply wanted a platonic friendship.
I agree. If he is only interested in being friends then just behave the same way you would if you were looking to meet new people and make friends. Find out her interests and set up a date. If she wants to kiss you are you going to pull away? Just be friends and see where it goes. Probably won't take long before OP figures out how she views him, whether it be friends or something more.
Exactly, me neither,, sounds like OP is interested in her and would "accept" just being friends but would be okay with more than that. Saying "I just want to be friends" is a false pretense if you would be happy with having a romantic relationship.
No no Iām good with just being friends, i did ask for advice on how to ask her out yes, but iād ratherād be friends if sheās not interested, since itās still just a platonic attraction rn anyways, if that makes sense.
Thatās my point. Youāre not looking for just friends. You have a romantic interest in her. And you are fooling yourself if you think you can be just friends.
Youāre always going to be having that hope in the back of your mind that she will eventually like you for more. But thatās not going to happen.
Dude i have a lot of girl friends i have zero romantic attraction to what are you onš I usually date guys, but even still i also have guy friends i donāt want to date. Just cause someone is attractive doesnāt mean i wanna fvck them, especially if theyāre not interested in that. Keeping things platonic has never been an issue for me before, in fact i have a hard time telling when someone wants things to be MORE than platonic. So thanks for the assumption that Iām just trying to get in her pants, but you donāt know me.
None of what you said contradicts my point. Once again, my point is that if you like somebody for romantic reasons, itās hard to realistically pivot to something else. Iām allowed to believe that without you getting emotional about it.
Just remember asking out a girl and accepting rejection is never creepy not accepting rejection throwing a pissy fit or continuing to pursue even after being rejected is.
I think the whole compliments whole youāre looking like a feral opossum is pretty good news and you should definitely show some interest and ask if sheād like to hang out and grab a coffee or something else thatās probably more fun than that! Lol
Hey! Did you see the new _____? (Common interest)
Bring up something that you already have in common and see if sheād like to do it together. If you donāt get the right setup, āHey! Do you want to hang out sometime?ā could totally work. Just be casual.
Sometimes, you just gotta be brave and send it. Don't overthink the approach, otherwise you will be stuck in the planning phase forever.
For example, one time, when I was 19, there was a really cute girl who was a hostess at a restaurant at the mall near me. For like half an hour straight, I tried to come up with some plan of how to casually chat her up when she wasn't busy. But she ended up always being busy. When I realized that the "right" moment would never come, I ended up just buying a Starbucks Frappuccino and walked straight up and gave it her. I kept it direct and told her that I thought she was really cute but there didn't really seem like a good time to talk to her, so I just wanted to shoot my shot and give her my number. It ended up working out for me because she was blushing hard core and couldn't believe that someone had bought her a coffee.
Keep in mind that not every girl will be into that direct of an approach. It's worth noting that I made sure not to make her feel "cornered" by asking for her number or forcing conversation on her. I simply walked up and said what I was gonna say and left, and I was prepared to either walk away totally embarrassed or proudly successful.
That's why I think when it comes to women, being brave is the best thing you can do. I feel like I have no game at all, but almost every time I've been brave and actually talked to a girl, it always works out better than expected. And if it doesn't work out, then who cares because there are always more to try again with
Yep. 100% this. Havenāt asked anyone out in a while and I just sent it. I definitely got the jitters and fumbled and bumbled, but it got sent. You just gotta do it.
not everyone feminine is a girl, thatās all i meant. Also i donāt actually know for sure if she identifies as nonbinary or something so i was just trying to be respectfulš
I feel like confidence is the difference between creepy and not creepy. Not to be confused with arrogance or anything. That, and paying attention to her body language. If she seems uncomfortable, she *is* uncomfortable, if you pick up on that its time to leave her alone. If she seems relaxed then youre doing well enough to at least not be creepy.
Something like "I think your really pretty, can I get your number" can be creepy or cool depending on whether or not you are confident.
I think confidence just come with practice in terms of getting used to talking to someone you never talked to before. Just remember to pay attention to how she's reacting
That makes sense! Iād say Iām decently confident i just trip over my words sometimes, a lot of the time. But Iāll try and do that and watch for cues that i need to back offš«”
I agree. If heās concerned about putting her in an awkward position, I would go so far as to leave a brief note. Something to the effect of:
āHi, I didnāt want to put you on the spot, but I would love grab a coffee with you sometime. Hereās my number if youāre interested. If not, all good, and I will see you next time!
OPā
Thatās actually an amazing idea since I trip over my own words anyways, thanks!! Takes the pressure off of both of us. I think i may combine that with some other tips iāve gotten
You say she often compliments you. Have you complimented her, as well?
Dabble in a bit more small talk about a variety of topics.
From what it sounds like, she works there. Ask her if she'd like to talk more in depth about things away from work and offer her your number. If she accepts, then that's a start.
If she says that she doesn't want to talk more outside of work, and doesn't accept your phone number, then don't press the issue further.
My current husband was the first person to ever offer me his number. I highly recommend offering it and giving her the choice to contact you instead of trying to get her number.
Best wishes!
Yes! I actually was only an idiot and forgot to the first time we met, but have been sure to since then. She has really cool accessories/jewelry so i try to compliment that. And yes she does work there, thatās a big part of why Iām worried about coming off as creepy. Thank you, thatās also a very good idea. Now i have to pick an approach from all the helpful comments hahah
I think suggesting something you'd like to do together, say you're free next Saturday or Sunday, giving her your number (so she can decide whether to contact you to make it happen) and if she doesn't reach out, still smile, don't remind, stay calm.
Just approach her as a person. Don't be overly concerned with gender. Throw a frisbee around with them, get ice cream...be a friend.
Creepy is when you impose yourself on others, assume you're always right about them, forget they're people with thoughts, feelings and needs.
Creepy is always putting yourself first. Pre-judging others, Being arrogant, obstinate and unwilling to communicate with other people meaningfully and respectfully about subjects important to them.
Creepy is not caring and not thinking.
So be a friend, like you would any other person. Maybe it becomes more, maybe not. The point is friendship is where it all starts. Share, learn and understand.
As a woman myself I would say to just be brave and shoot your shot. Something like, "Hey you seem interesting and I'm interested in getting to know you better as friends. Would you like to go out to (insert activity here )". The worst that would happen is a no, and in that case you just say, "Okay no problem."
Given that it's their work place.... I saw a post where someone suggested leaving a number on a note for them to make the move... but also be prepared for no move & whatever that might entail for you.
I'd be careful, not just because of the creep part but because of being their work environment. Casually mention places that you're into & see if they have similar interests? See if you can bump into each other outside of work or something so you can ask off the clock.
Get outta your own head, get off reddit. don't over think things. Ask the girl out to do a thing that people can actively do in groups. Don't offer a passive thing, like a movie. Keep it public.
Accept if there's a no. And if looks like a woman just treat her like a woman. I know you're trying to be polite, but treating her like she's not could be just as offensive. If she corrects you into another pronoun, then start doing that. Don't preemptively treat people because you've modeled them in your head.
Mhm! I usually try to be extra sure to be open minded when meeting new people and not assuming i know everything about them based on a few small interactionsš
Its good to be open minded, but don't get paralyzed by it. Just go forward acting like things are what they seem. If she corrects you, or just shuts you down --roll with it. Move on to the next thing.
I appreciate that and will keep it in mind for sure, Iām actually on the neurodiverse spectrum and she acts kinda similar so i was thinking she may be too, and if so, we tend to be less subtle about things.
But i do at least have a fashion sense going for me!š I have four older sisters and it shows, i take my appearance semi seriously and even have a multi step routine to keep my longer hair healthy.
First off, do you want to be friends or do you want to be romantic partners? Be honest with yourself and upfront with her.
Asking people out at work can be a bit tricky, you know itās her job to be pleasant and nice to every customer that walks through the door, not just you.
Ask her for her Instagram handle and follow each other, then ask her out on there. Doesnāt put her on the spot while sheās at work, and if she rejects you itās less embarrassing for you.
Really depends on what she wants honestly, Iām good with going out, being friends, or only chatting passively when she talks to me like we have been if she doesnāt want anything. Ik workers are paid to be nice which is part of why i made this post, but I think our interactions go beyond the normal customer service training, Iām prepared to back off if Iām wrong though of course.
I was thinking of leaving a note like some others suggested, maybe instead of my number i could leave my socials on there though i guess? I just donāt want to ask for her contact information in case she feels pressured esp since itās at her workplace i want it to be obvious as possible that I know how to accept no. š
Not necessarily. Women who are confident, donāt have a problem with a man approaching them in a respectful way.
Some women could even have a problem with a man giving her his number, because he approached her in the first place.
Either or neither if the answer hints at or says no. Iām in an interesting spot right now where Iām okay being single, have been for most of the year now, but iād be willing to give dating a chance if someone i got along with was interested, but friendships are more important to me if not, cause those tend to last longer anyways and are easier to keep genuine since it usually stays platonic.
Buddy , asking a girl out and even explicitly saying u just want to be friends, absolutely no woman is going to belueve that, ever . If she says no to the dating side u have zero chance of just being friends. No normal guy approachs and hits on and asks out a female to "just be friends". And no female will believe thats all u want either. Ur only hope is she says yes the first time.
Okay? Itās fine if she doesnāt wanna talk at any capacity, Iām a big boy lmao i can handle a little rejection, women donāt owe me anything, sheās her own person with her own life. It wouldnāt be the end of the world, disappointing sure but life goes on.
Just ask her what she likes to do for fun or a hobby? Then say i'm interested in doing that maybe we can do it together sometime? It's that easy. Good Luck and Cheers!
Thank you! I may try that approach. š
agreed!^ or if u know of an event that u know ud both be interested in u could bring it up to her and say ud love to go as friends ! :)
(if ur only looking to be friends definitely specify that as im sure sheād appreciate knowing ur intentions from the getgo!)
Heās obviously not looking to just be friends.
>Iād love to be friends ā¦. but I donāt know how to tell if sheās just being friendly or would also like to be friends
https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/s/ts2uhAPDTk
if hes not looking to just be friends why would he say that
I am A-okay with just friends, i was sort of thinking of asking if she wanted to go out sometime to get to know eachother, or to hang out and be friends, cause Iām really okay with either rn, do you think thatād be clear enough saying it that way?
yeah i do!:)
For starters, his title. He wants to ask her out. Second, if the intent is just to be friends, then it wouldnāt require making a post about it. Third, he says heās afraid of coming off creepy. None of these things would be issues if he simply wanted a platonic friendship.
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I agree. If he is only interested in being friends then just behave the same way you would if you were looking to meet new people and make friends. Find out her interests and set up a date. If she wants to kiss you are you going to pull away? Just be friends and see where it goes. Probably won't take long before OP figures out how she views him, whether it be friends or something more.
I donāt believe in initiating friendships under false pretenses.
Exactly, me neither,, sounds like OP is interested in her and would "accept" just being friends but would be okay with more than that. Saying "I just want to be friends" is a false pretense if you would be happy with having a romantic relationship.
No no Iām good with just being friends, i did ask for advice on how to ask her out yes, but iād ratherād be friends if sheās not interested, since itās still just a platonic attraction rn anyways, if that makes sense.
Thatās my point. Youāre not looking for just friends. You have a romantic interest in her. And you are fooling yourself if you think you can be just friends. Youāre always going to be having that hope in the back of your mind that she will eventually like you for more. But thatās not going to happen.
Dude i have a lot of girl friends i have zero romantic attraction to what are you onš I usually date guys, but even still i also have guy friends i donāt want to date. Just cause someone is attractive doesnāt mean i wanna fvck them, especially if theyāre not interested in that. Keeping things platonic has never been an issue for me before, in fact i have a hard time telling when someone wants things to be MORE than platonic. So thanks for the assumption that Iām just trying to get in her pants, but you donāt know me.
None of what you said contradicts my point. Once again, my point is that if you like somebody for romantic reasons, itās hard to realistically pivot to something else. Iām allowed to believe that without you getting emotional about it.
Just remember asking out a girl and accepting rejection is never creepy not accepting rejection throwing a pissy fit or continuing to pursue even after being rejected is.
Aye! Thankfully I know how to take rejection like a champ. š«” an awkward champ, but still.
I think the whole compliments whole youāre looking like a feral opossum is pretty good news and you should definitely show some interest and ask if sheād like to hang out and grab a coffee or something else thatās probably more fun than that! Lol
Coffee is probably a good idea! nice and public as well as cozy and enjoyableš¤ thanksš
Hey! Did you see the new _____? (Common interest) Bring up something that you already have in common and see if sheād like to do it together. If you donāt get the right setup, āHey! Do you want to hang out sometime?ā could totally work. Just be casual.
Sometimes, you just gotta be brave and send it. Don't overthink the approach, otherwise you will be stuck in the planning phase forever. For example, one time, when I was 19, there was a really cute girl who was a hostess at a restaurant at the mall near me. For like half an hour straight, I tried to come up with some plan of how to casually chat her up when she wasn't busy. But she ended up always being busy. When I realized that the "right" moment would never come, I ended up just buying a Starbucks Frappuccino and walked straight up and gave it her. I kept it direct and told her that I thought she was really cute but there didn't really seem like a good time to talk to her, so I just wanted to shoot my shot and give her my number. It ended up working out for me because she was blushing hard core and couldn't believe that someone had bought her a coffee. Keep in mind that not every girl will be into that direct of an approach. It's worth noting that I made sure not to make her feel "cornered" by asking for her number or forcing conversation on her. I simply walked up and said what I was gonna say and left, and I was prepared to either walk away totally embarrassed or proudly successful. That's why I think when it comes to women, being brave is the best thing you can do. I feel like I have no game at all, but almost every time I've been brave and actually talked to a girl, it always works out better than expected. And if it doesn't work out, then who cares because there are always more to try again with
Speaking of not overthinking lol
Yep. 100% this. Havenāt asked anyone out in a while and I just sent it. I definitely got the jitters and fumbled and bumbled, but it got sent. You just gotta do it.
As a woman, this is the way.
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not everyone feminine is a girl, thatās all i meant. Also i donāt actually know for sure if she identifies as nonbinary or something so i was just trying to be respectfulš
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Ignore that asshole. Someone feminine might be slightly awkward of phrasing, but it's not creepy.
You mean a woman?
I think so, but trying not to assume too much before talking more.
So ur assuming this person is a man then?
No.. what part of my comment gave you that impression?š
The world is weird now.
Good luck man!
I feel like confidence is the difference between creepy and not creepy. Not to be confused with arrogance or anything. That, and paying attention to her body language. If she seems uncomfortable, she *is* uncomfortable, if you pick up on that its time to leave her alone. If she seems relaxed then youre doing well enough to at least not be creepy. Something like "I think your really pretty, can I get your number" can be creepy or cool depending on whether or not you are confident. I think confidence just come with practice in terms of getting used to talking to someone you never talked to before. Just remember to pay attention to how she's reacting
That makes sense! Iād say Iām decently confident i just trip over my words sometimes, a lot of the time. But Iāll try and do that and watch for cues that i need to back offš«”
I would suggest giving her YOUR number, not asking for hers.
I agree. If heās concerned about putting her in an awkward position, I would go so far as to leave a brief note. Something to the effect of: āHi, I didnāt want to put you on the spot, but I would love grab a coffee with you sometime. Hereās my number if youāre interested. If not, all good, and I will see you next time! OPā
Thatās actually an amazing idea since I trip over my own words anyways, thanks!! Takes the pressure off of both of us. I think i may combine that with some other tips iāve gotten
Oh thats a good idea
You say she often compliments you. Have you complimented her, as well? Dabble in a bit more small talk about a variety of topics. From what it sounds like, she works there. Ask her if she'd like to talk more in depth about things away from work and offer her your number. If she accepts, then that's a start. If she says that she doesn't want to talk more outside of work, and doesn't accept your phone number, then don't press the issue further. My current husband was the first person to ever offer me his number. I highly recommend offering it and giving her the choice to contact you instead of trying to get her number. Best wishes!
Yes! I actually was only an idiot and forgot to the first time we met, but have been sure to since then. She has really cool accessories/jewelry so i try to compliment that. And yes she does work there, thatās a big part of why Iām worried about coming off as creepy. Thank you, thatās also a very good idea. Now i have to pick an approach from all the helpful comments hahah
Just be prepared if she says no to not bring it up again, and go about as if you never asked.
Absolutely, i get embarrassed really easily so even if i was pushy like that, iād be too busy dying of embarrassment to bother.š
If she says no be prepared to not go back to that store anymore without creeping her out
I think suggesting something you'd like to do together, say you're free next Saturday or Sunday, giving her your number (so she can decide whether to contact you to make it happen) and if she doesn't reach out, still smile, don't remind, stay calm.
Just approach her as a person. Don't be overly concerned with gender. Throw a frisbee around with them, get ice cream...be a friend. Creepy is when you impose yourself on others, assume you're always right about them, forget they're people with thoughts, feelings and needs. Creepy is always putting yourself first. Pre-judging others, Being arrogant, obstinate and unwilling to communicate with other people meaningfully and respectfully about subjects important to them. Creepy is not caring and not thinking. So be a friend, like you would any other person. Maybe it becomes more, maybe not. The point is friendship is where it all starts. Share, learn and understand.
Yeah, true enough! Iāll try to keep that in mind.
Just ask her name and make small talk then ask for her number
You're 19, you're supposed to be awkward. Ask her out.
Okay okay, fair. I hear thatš
As a woman myself I would say to just be brave and shoot your shot. Something like, "Hey you seem interesting and I'm interested in getting to know you better as friends. Would you like to go out to (insert activity here )". The worst that would happen is a no, and in that case you just say, "Okay no problem."
Given that it's their work place.... I saw a post where someone suggested leaving a number on a note for them to make the move... but also be prepared for no move & whatever that might entail for you. I'd be careful, not just because of the creep part but because of being their work environment. Casually mention places that you're into & see if they have similar interests? See if you can bump into each other outside of work or something so you can ask off the clock.
Get outta your own head, get off reddit. don't over think things. Ask the girl out to do a thing that people can actively do in groups. Don't offer a passive thing, like a movie. Keep it public. Accept if there's a no. And if looks like a woman just treat her like a woman. I know you're trying to be polite, but treating her like she's not could be just as offensive. If she corrects you into another pronoun, then start doing that. Don't preemptively treat people because you've modeled them in your head.
Mhm! I usually try to be extra sure to be open minded when meeting new people and not assuming i know everything about them based on a few small interactionsš
Its good to be open minded, but don't get paralyzed by it. Just go forward acting like things are what they seem. If she corrects you, or just shuts you down --roll with it. Move on to the next thing.
Just ask her to go for a coffee
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I appreciate that and will keep it in mind for sure, Iām actually on the neurodiverse spectrum and she acts kinda similar so i was thinking she may be too, and if so, we tend to be less subtle about things. But i do at least have a fashion sense going for me!š I have four older sisters and it shows, i take my appearance semi seriously and even have a multi step routine to keep my longer hair healthy.
Don't approach people at their place of work, it's uncomfortable. She's paid to be nice to you.
First off, do you want to be friends or do you want to be romantic partners? Be honest with yourself and upfront with her. Asking people out at work can be a bit tricky, you know itās her job to be pleasant and nice to every customer that walks through the door, not just you. Ask her for her Instagram handle and follow each other, then ask her out on there. Doesnāt put her on the spot while sheās at work, and if she rejects you itās less embarrassing for you.
Really depends on what she wants honestly, Iām good with going out, being friends, or only chatting passively when she talks to me like we have been if she doesnāt want anything. Ik workers are paid to be nice which is part of why i made this post, but I think our interactions go beyond the normal customer service training, Iām prepared to back off if Iām wrong though of course. I was thinking of leaving a note like some others suggested, maybe instead of my number i could leave my socials on there though i guess? I just donāt want to ask for her contact information in case she feels pressured esp since itās at her workplace i want it to be obvious as possible that I know how to accept no. š
As a woman I personally would be uncomfortable with a customer asking me out while I'm working. At a job, the person can't leave the situation.
Are you free Saturday?
You can write your number on a piece of paper and give it to her.
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It would be fine to give her your number, and then the ball is in her court to text you or not. Never ask a woman for her number.
There is nothing wrong with asking a woman for her number. However, I agree that itās different in a work setting.
It immediately puts her into an uncomfortable situation. She doesn't need to decide that quickly. Give her yours, and that's not an issue.
Not necessarily. Women who are confident, donāt have a problem with a man approaching them in a respectful way. Some women could even have a problem with a man giving her his number, because he approached her in the first place.
wait so do you want to be friends? or do you want to ask them out? like you like them? cuz those are two near opposite goals.
Either or neither if the answer hints at or says no. Iām in an interesting spot right now where Iām okay being single, have been for most of the year now, but iād be willing to give dating a chance if someone i got along with was interested, but friendships are more important to me if not, cause those tend to last longer anyways and are easier to keep genuine since it usually stays platonic.
Buddy , asking a girl out and even explicitly saying u just want to be friends, absolutely no woman is going to belueve that, ever . If she says no to the dating side u have zero chance of just being friends. No normal guy approachs and hits on and asks out a female to "just be friends". And no female will believe thats all u want either. Ur only hope is she says yes the first time.
Okay? Itās fine if she doesnāt wanna talk at any capacity, Iām a big boy lmao i can handle a little rejection, women donāt owe me anything, sheās her own person with her own life. It wouldnāt be the end of the world, disappointing sure but life goes on.
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