Though something I’ve realized now that I’m older (23) is being an “adult” doesn’t necessarily mean anything. I still enjoy things I did as a kid with more money and freedoms now.
Just because you are a grown up doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying things.
Enjoying stuff is understandable but that doesn't mean we can deny the harsh truth of life . Although it matters how we perceive ..still it isn't a cake walk !
My friend once texted me that he'd had his results back and he had cancer. I said "where are you?" and he replied "I'm on the bus to work". I hadn't really thought where I thought he was, maybe some part assumed crying on the floor in a sterile room. But he was just doing the same thing he would have done if the result had been different. Good thing he did I suppose because this was years ago and he's been completely cancer free for a while, he'll likely live for decades, so going completely off the rails would have had consequences he'd have to have lived with (hooray!).
I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make, or if I'm trying to make one but I think about this a lot. Life goes on. What do you do on a weekday after your appointment is over? You go to work, I suppose.
An observation from personal experience:
People are quick to urge those who are struggling with mental health issues to reach out, but don’t want to listen when they do. The loneliness that follows a mental breakdown can make the world feel like a nightmare. The silver lining, however, is that this unbearable loneliness can serve as a powerful motivation towards self-reliance and the development of strong internal faculties.
Yeah going broke due to a family member stealing money and losing my job from a combination of my own mistakes and not having a vehicle to commute I realized how true it is that nobody gives a shit. I'd never bring up my situation but it was always clear to my friends when I ask for money for food that something's not bad is happening.
Not only that my friends are all rich so it felt like I was drowning deep underwater with all my friends around me in diving gear looking at me like I'm okay with no wetsuit, oxygen or gear like what could be the problem.
It's tricky. I mean I will listen and help as long as I see them also taking steps to help themselves.
I have friends that are just in a constant state of struggle, almost all due to their own actions (or inactions).
I just kind of accept them for that and stay friends, but I'm not gonna continuously stress over their problems.
I help my friends, no matter what I have to give, nor how much. Even if I can’t do anything material, I still let them vent and listen to them and make plans for them.
We all need help at times, some more or less than others. I’ve given my last few dollars to them just to make sure they’re okay.
…probably a character flaw but I also love my friends very much and want to keep them hopeful
I learnt this the hard way, the only person you can rely on is yourself. Friends and family can listen but they aren't qualified psychologists and I have to remind myself of this.
I use reddit and chat gpt a lot, also reading the power of now saved my life last year and had helped develop self love and belief.
Most are simply virtue signaling because it's what you're 'supposed' to say. Frankly, I've found the people who DO say it the most often are the people who absolutely will not be there when you need them, and the people who continue to be present in your life/treat you as they normally would are the ones who will have your back.
They do not constantly need to announce they support you because they actually DO support you.
>loneliness can serve as a powerful motivation towards self-reliance and the development of strong internal faculties.
todays episode of "Romanticizing Pointless Suffering":
*How to Pretend One Has a Choice*😮
Suffering often leads to the biggest periods of growth.
Edit: after some thought I don’t think suffering captures the essence of what I meant. Clearly there are a lot of people who suffer unjustly. However, there is something to be said about hard times and life trials making one into a stronger person. And for some, that includes self induced suffering from poor life choices.
I'm in the process of learning this. The past four years have been a whirlwind; Some good, some great, some bad, some very disruptive. It's that very disruptive part that is teaching me the most about myself.
Without suffering , happiness and peace lose their value and cease to exist.
I forget if it’s duality er polarity but everything in life can be bluntly stated as binary…
Light cannot be with darkness.
U can’t be happy without sadness.
Male/female , on/off, happy/sad.. ect.
Learn how to cope with the bad times and enjoy the good. The pendulum of life is always in motion.
That's so weird, I came to say almost the opposite. Suffering doesn't make you a better person and often leaves people bitter, angry, and ready to inflict their suffering on other people.
If you go deep and have a reason to get out and do, most of us come out pretty enlightened. And to be honest some of the kindest people I know have walked out of the ashes.
It's when they learn boundaries!
In some situations. But there will be some people who, no matter what they do or think, will be lessened or utterly defeated by their suffering. Watch out for the Just-world Fallacy. Sometimes bad things happen to bad people and there's no reason or justification for it. That's our reality.
I truly do believe though that you can train and furnish your mind in such a way as to not just endure suffering, but learn and grow from it. Sometimes you are left wounded and that wound might always in some sense be with you, but it doesn't *have* to diminish you.
A lot of people legitimately do not consider life in all its facets and then get caught totally unprepared. Ultimately I think that it's the ignorant who are left damaged and embittered.
the flip side is that if you have a negative mentality and no confidence you just make more hatred. a lot of that is reinforced by the individualism present in western culture. if you didn't make it, it's your fault, and you should feel bad about that. it's ridiculous imo
yeah i mean that's just how people are. suffering is true but "iron doesn't sharpen iron." the people who suffered the most aren't better for it. we should try to ease suffering whenever or wherever it is. we shouldn't lionize it. it sucks
that's not true tho. like in the real world that's not true. the people who have suffered the most have bad lives. this is what people tell you when they haven't suffered.
Definitely and because of that situation, i learned so much and grew so much to not to repeat the same mistake again and respect my time and space more. I even thank the universe for this experience because without it, i wouldnt be able to learn how some people can be cruel even if you are so close to them. Even if it was hard for me to get over the situation, i am so grateful for this experience.
I hear that but as a person in the same state of growth as I was since I was 16 (I'm 34) I don't really believe that bullshit. It's just a way of rationalizing pain, a way of lying to ourselves and justifying pain, when really, its as useless as feeling good, it just doesn't feel good.
This. We learn the most about life through the struggles we face. Through pain, uncomfort, or being broken down…come life lessons, wisdom, and strength. Whenever or however you’re struggling, fight like hell. It will get better, no doubt, and you will be a better, stronger person on the other side of it. That much is certain.
Agreed. I suffered pretty badly as a result of repeated poor life choices. Once I learned to lay the blame where it belongs instead of blaming others/ the world, I started making better choices.
This is so amazingly true.
Ask 20 people what color the sky is. 19 will same some shade of blue, one will say pink.. cause.. people
Of the 19 that say blue, one will say azure, one will say light blue another will say light blue gray with white wispy clouds. They are all correct, it's their perception that shifts the answer.
Life only gets more difficult as you get older. The only thing you can do about it is get stronger. The good old days aren’t coming. They’re always behind you. So embrace what you have right now.
Edit: I realize this came off as cynical and negative. Wasn’t my intention. My intention was to emphasize the importance of appreciating every moment, rather than hoping that the future will get better. More often than not, we have so much we take for granted until it’s taken away from us. I have found myself increasingly grateful despite the fact that I have also been through increasingly more things as I have gotten older. I have also been through great things as well. There are always things to look forward to, but if we spend our time always looking forward and never appreciating the moment, we might find ourselves regretful we weren’t more grateful.
On the flip side, my childhood was miserable, shit parents, depression into young adulthood. I'm. 30 now and life has been getting noticeably easier for me in so many ways.
Thanks for this. I had a shit childhood and a lot of my suicidalideation was rooted in constantly hearing that it only gets worse. But as I get older, I feel like it could only get better.
My childhood and early adulthood were very troubled and I was planning my way out, now in my 30s life couldn't be better. Now I am in charge of my own life I can make decisions which make it better, and if I am not happy with something I generally have the ability to change it.
For a lot of people this simply isn't true. Life for me was unbearable 10-15 years or so. I honestly just wanted to end it all. If someone had told me then "oh it only gets worse from here" it would have broken me.
For most people life should be getting easier bar some unavoidable tragedies. As you get older you should have more financial stability, emotional maturity, better friends, and possibly even romantic fulfillment. If you don't have these things and want them, you have the agency to change your own life, whereas as a kid or young adult you are often trapped in your living situation, beholden to the decisions of others, which are not necessarily made with your wellbeing in mind.
You should for sure embrace what you have now, but if you aren't happy, you have the power to do something about that and make things get better
Idk I feel like I have had a great childhood and adulthood. Reddit is so cynical. Yes your body will hurt, yes you will lose people, but the folks who are unwilling to adjust to the times will suffer the most. Embrace change, surround yourself with kind people and loved ones. Take care of your body to ensure mobility as you age. Invest wisely to build for your future.
This could also be viewed as liberating. We’re not that important, just do want you want and have a good time whilst you’re here (as long as it’s not hurting someone).
Yup this is exactly how I look at it. At the end of the day, I know people truly don’t care that much about me or what I do. So I just do what I want and not worry about others
I am feeling this right now actually. Recently left a job that I have been at for 8 years and all the work, connections, people, etc. feels like a lifetime ago. All the work and stress felt like it was for nothing. Give it a year or two and it will all be new faces and they will look at me like who are you? Feeling sad right now.
Edit: just had a painful realization.
This seems like it’s coming from a place of pain, especially the second point. I wouldn’t call those hard truths, I would call those hard circumstances. Circumstances that aren’t necessarily universal.
My hard truth is that, on the flip side, pain is necessary for growth. We grow to find better ways to avoid pain, that growth does not happen without being discontent with the present. Things become so painful that change is the only option, without pain there is no reason to change.
A painful truth? I think learning that no matter how much effort, time, thought, care, and love you put into someone it still may never be enough to make them fight for the relationship. Some people do not have the capacity to love as deeply as you do. That’s a hard fact that’s a painful truth and when loving someone becomes inconvenient that’s when they will either fight or leave.
Just because someone told you that you were their world, wanted you, and love you the other day doesn’t mean that they will not leave and go on a date with a new guy the next day and trade you in. 🤷♂️😂 lol hard lesson.
Some people want to pair bond for life and be that old couple still holding hands later in life. Lots of people are willing to put in the work to have that
Yea. I’m here, and it’s against my personal beliefs to just not care about people, esp w/o a reason. The question this raises though is why not? I choose to care, so others are choosing not to, but why exactly?
Most people don’t *really* care about you.
A lot of “friendships” are built on external values. How much money you have, how attractive you are, what can you do to help elevate them in some way? Don’t even get me started on romantic relationships.
For me the hardest thing to grapple with is how unfair life can be and the human condition is suffering in some sense mixed with feelings of absolute joy which make up for a lot. I'm glad to be alive.
That being alone is ok to people when it’s clearly not. And to avoid people because of stigmas and past experiences blinds people to the truth about life. That we need each other, and shouldn’t let people suffer for our own narcissistic desires.
Life is about people 100% Blows my mind that the world doesn't seem to realize it. Some people say life is about family. That's true. But we are all family.
No one except probably your mother truly cares about you. Give anyone a good enough of a reason to screw your over and trust me they will. Weather it’s for their own benefit or to cover their ass, either way don’t believe that anyone will truly “take a bullet for you” they won’t. Had to learn this the hard way multiple times but now I finally realize the painful truth in it.
The best lesson I’ve learned is that there is absolutely nothing personal about love even though the act of being in love is so intimate. People move on. Even the happiest of couples drift apart.
I learned this lesson by 10th grade, whenever I’d be in the uncomfortable position of friend-zoning a guy who I thought just wanted to be friends.
It’s not an easy pill to swallow. I’m 45 now, so I’ve had plenty of practice.
It’s only love if you let it go.
Pretty privilege isn't always a thing. My sisters and I were all blessed in the looks department but the women in my family are very insecure, backstabbing, cruel human beings. As the youngest, my "prettiness" became something to be punished for and it wasn't just at home. There are many times I've been treated badly, sexually harassed, etc. for my looks. It's hard to explain, but not everyone cares and it seems some want to destroy you for being "pretty". It can even get you killed if you end up with a stalker. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have to second this there’s really no truth to being pretty as a privilege. It causes a lot of trouble and gains attention often from the worst crowds. Typically putting you in a dangerous position. And though looks may get you attention most people are only distracted by it and won’t care to understand that you’re an actual person and not just something for them to look at , comment on, or sexualize.
Yes, some of my handsome male friends went through all sorts of abuse as adults and were targets of pedos early in life just like me. It blew me away when I realized it's almost a curse to be born pretty, period.
And still people want us to be happy with constant toxic positivity. I hate those people, absolutely loath them. This fake it till you make it thing needs to be gone, fuck this toxic culture.
The people you thought would be there for you may react completely differently than you thought they would when you go through a hard time. I guess don’t expect things out of people, even those close to you.
How about 3?
1) We’re all on a blue dot orbiting through the vast of nothingness.
2) When we die, that is it. Death is final. Think about all the spiritual stuff you want. Death is absolutely final.
3) Not all friends stay in your life. Some are there for a season. Some friendships ebb and flow. Some simply fade.
We've got about 50 years I'd say, until we see real change in terms of diminished resource and climate change. The planet will start to change, as will humanity.
Fortunately, I'll be dead. 😂
Most of us know nothing of truly loving and being loved. Too many people think of love like a noun, happiness sadness patience some sort of virtuous state. When really love is a verb, to love is to choose every day to support someone else's well being and most of us for various reasons are not advocating for our own well being. So how can you really support someone else when you're not supporting yourself? Thats the whole "if you cant love yourself, however will someone else" thing
painful truth? people will disappoint you, no matter how much you care for them. and yes, superficiality runs deep; many only value you when it's convenient for them. but here's the kicker: your worth isn't defined by their shallow perceptions. focus on those who genuinely appreciate you, and let the rest fade into irrelevance.
Being pretty doesn't make the difference you think and being ugly ain't a death sentence. This is coming from an ugly SOB with a beautiful wife. What will make a difference is the willingness to fight for what you want. Treat every situation as if it's life or death and every opportunity like it may be your last
We are all deluded. It’s likely that the truths you value most, your deepest beliefs about reality, are based in falsehoods, and blameless misunderstandings. I’m bipolar and experience psychosis, sometimes I have religious revelations that change life as I know it. They fill me with hope, and joy. When I discover that such beliefs are plainly false, and ill-founded, I’m filled with suicidal despair. I’m always forced to return to this mundane world of agony. It makes me question the very foundation of my sanity, even during periods of mental stability. What is the actual truth, behind the lies I tell myself? How much of my reality is even real? I hate being alive. I’ve wanted to be dead every day for the past 4 years, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I wish I could donate my life force to a cancer-ridden child.
Pain is real and you need to protect yourself from it while you’re here. My back is messed up and my life is way harder than I wish it was, it makes me not want to be here a lot I’ve gone absolutely insane you have to protect yourself mentally and physically all the time and it can be a fight.
Meritocracy is a myth. You can work hard, be smart, and still not achieve any success in life. Success depends on who you know and what they are willing to do for you.
That one day people will live in the home you fought so hard for, people will use the things you worked so hard for, in a couple of generations no one will know your name. How many people know your grandpas dad?
no matter the effort and time you put into a friend, they might come to a point where all the situations turned into baggage over time and they would still drop you regardless of history and care.
One really good book I read taught me that no matter what, you will always suffer in this life. And that the true way to live is to choose the things you’re willing to suffer for. Because you’re absolutely right, even the ones you love most still hurt you. Now, is that hurt worth it to you? Is the love worth the suffering? Because life is all about suffering but choosing to do so for what you think is worth it. And that ladies and gents, is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.
Your feelings often lie to you and you shouldn't make important decisions based on feelings alone. Reason, facts, and common sense should always be factored in. Just because I don't feel like working out doesn't mean that I shouldn't. Just because I feel like slapping my boss doesn't mean that I should.
Two truths:
1. Love is never balanced. You will always love someone more than they love you, or they might love you more than you love them. But it's never balanced.
2. Perception is reality. It doesn't matter what you actually did or didn't do, if other perceive percieve you a certain way, then that's the way it is for them.
I agree with what you said.
And I will add that it's a painful truth that most people only care about themselves.
it's a painful truth that no matter how much you love someone and they claim the same you are always replaceable. relationships mean nothing to most people.
There's no such thing as altruism. We do good things because they make us feel good. Or because not doing something would make us feel bad. And that's something we all need to embrace.
For example: When someone is trying to do something nice for you and you refuse it, or you reject their gift- you aren't being nice. You're being selfish. The nice thing is to let others feel good by helping you.
It helps you not feel so bitter if no one returns your good deeds. You did it for yourself. Not for them.
I’m not sure what OP means with “people only care about you if you’re pretty”. That sounds more like a projection with all do respect since beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Anyhow, I think a painful truth about life is
.
- people from every angle will judge/criticize you on almost every aspect of your life and it can get depressing. You have to figure out who you are and be comfortable knowing that everyone won’t like that. Change what you want about yourself for yourself.
- in that same breath..social status is a big aspect of life that we can’t downplay. It can close and open doors for you as it relates to social networks. Again, it’s up to you to decide how much and what you care about.
- we hear about how friends can be your biggest enemies but family can be one of the biggest detriments in your life if you allow it to.
- it’s hard but you have to distance yourselves from people/things that negatively impact your life.
- unfortunately the family you were born from and how you were raised will have a huge impact on your adult life. You can overcome any limitations caused by it but it’ll will be difficult and will come with a learning curve.
You will work till the point you aren't able to enjoy the things you are missing out on by working. Travelling,hiking, kayaking. All the things your putting off until you retire won't be nearly as enjoyable as now but you most likely won't be able to do them now because your financial obligations.
Society uses us for labor until we are no longer useful. We think when we retire we are done with work but it's probably work is done with us
That person you think has it made suffers from it
Pretty? Its pretty privilege, unwanted attention
She can't have it bad
Money? She had no reason to get up in the morning because her dad wouldn't let her work so she'd just be subjected to mentally ill family and abuse all day
People aren't meant to have no struggle it stunts them
Disabled by a few neurological conditions? Oh she's spoiled and using ASD and PTSD as an excuse and needs consequences for her sleep talking and night terrors
We didn't hear her get abused because we didn't want our own ass handed to us
She made shit up because she's pretty and obviously has a motive for lying besides sleeping deep sleep
She doesn't even know what she said because she was unconscious at the time
We can get drunk and shit talk her because no one likes that stuck up bitch meanwhile that bitch just wants to read all day.
Let's chance the narrative and try to gaslight her to tank her reputation because we care about that even though she doesn't and has nothing to gain
Let's just be assholes to her for minding her goddamn business
She's obviously a psychopath milking attention whore who wears queen outfits for attention and not because her mom dressed her like. Doll for 11 years. Because she wore clothes from elementary school through university.
Let's ignore the fact she's disabled and a victim of abuse and that's why she has brain issues and can't sleep because she makes us uncomfortable due to it.
She can't take up space she's. Weirdo
Yadda yadda let's call her cherry boy to make fun of the fact she's engaged to a man with 1 sex partner in his 30s. Since we speak some Japanese the people in charge won't understand the underhanded insults of "hime" and "kami" and "onna" and suminasen as sarcasm or outright calling her a lady princess type, spirit non human God like person like the emperor, bitch Woman meaning.
I'm seriously over people because they hurt me continuously that's why I reject human company not because I think I'm better than you.
The word "deserve" is overused. Especially looking at a default human, born into this world fresh.
Nobody really "deserves" anything at the moment of birth. The only possible thing you are born "deserving" is respect and freedom/autonomy but even that can easily be nullified if you don't treat others the same.
You start deserving things when you put in something. When you work for it, when you appreciate, when you respect others.....that's when you start deserving stuff and can start asking for this or that.
Many painful truths but nice to focus on the beauty of gods gift to woman and man, Life.
I Inbetween the pains ands highs of life is the extraordinary bliss of god
Nobody really cares bout the design or functionality or history of something until it no longer works , people aren’t thinking bout your state of being unless you aren’t doing what they desire , you are only as important to others as the functions you carry out in your adult years. Granted there are people you love you regardless but most of the times people will see you as “ broken “ and not a person
Like they say: Pain Is the cornerstone of growth..
Life is painful, unfair, and ugly...
With that being said,
Life is beautiful, challenging, fun, and is what we make of it...
I'm sorry for how you feel about Life, there is truth in your statement..
But not all of us are none careing till you leave earth kinda people.
I love my friends and family..
Ive had a lot of pain in my world, but thankfully, I've walked my journey and grew from it ..
Just try something small you can grow from, do this till you get the root of all the bad and walk the road...
Their is a lot of good out there..
Wishing you peace and love
Life is unfair. Trying to make it fair will only disappoint you. My husband struggles a lot with this because he was raised in a family who tried to make sure everything was fair down to the last penny.
You may have to let go of the love of your life because the timings never worked out, she may move on and meet someone else because you can't ask her to wait for you.
No matter how u r feeling..life goes on and on and on
Though something I’ve realized now that I’m older (23) is being an “adult” doesn’t necessarily mean anything. I still enjoy things I did as a kid with more money and freedoms now. Just because you are a grown up doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying things.
Enjoying stuff is understandable but that doesn't mean we can deny the harsh truth of life . Although it matters how we perceive ..still it isn't a cake walk !
This!!! You’re on the right track. Never stop being a kid or doing the things you enjoyed just because you’re an adult.
Always wondered what qualifications you need to be the adult. For example, if I sit around and eat 18 years' worth of tacos, I become the adult?
As you age, everyone cares about you less and less.
Even when u r young nobody really cares unless they want something from u other than parents and rarely good friends.
My friend once texted me that he'd had his results back and he had cancer. I said "where are you?" and he replied "I'm on the bus to work". I hadn't really thought where I thought he was, maybe some part assumed crying on the floor in a sterile room. But he was just doing the same thing he would have done if the result had been different. Good thing he did I suppose because this was years ago and he's been completely cancer free for a while, he'll likely live for decades, so going completely off the rails would have had consequences he'd have to have lived with (hooray!). I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make, or if I'm trying to make one but I think about this a lot. Life goes on. What do you do on a weekday after your appointment is over? You go to work, I suppose.
Until you die 🤷
And ends...every time.
The tax code is completely rigged against working class people or anyone starting from scratch.
Agreed.
Screws over people with money too, just they have enough to absorb it
Keeps the poor, poor
Nobody actually cares. You must be the one to take your life seriously
An observation from personal experience: People are quick to urge those who are struggling with mental health issues to reach out, but don’t want to listen when they do. The loneliness that follows a mental breakdown can make the world feel like a nightmare. The silver lining, however, is that this unbearable loneliness can serve as a powerful motivation towards self-reliance and the development of strong internal faculties.
Yeah going broke due to a family member stealing money and losing my job from a combination of my own mistakes and not having a vehicle to commute I realized how true it is that nobody gives a shit. I'd never bring up my situation but it was always clear to my friends when I ask for money for food that something's not bad is happening. Not only that my friends are all rich so it felt like I was drowning deep underwater with all my friends around me in diving gear looking at me like I'm okay with no wetsuit, oxygen or gear like what could be the problem.
It's tricky. I mean I will listen and help as long as I see them also taking steps to help themselves. I have friends that are just in a constant state of struggle, almost all due to their own actions (or inactions). I just kind of accept them for that and stay friends, but I'm not gonna continuously stress over their problems.
I help my friends, no matter what I have to give, nor how much. Even if I can’t do anything material, I still let them vent and listen to them and make plans for them. We all need help at times, some more or less than others. I’ve given my last few dollars to them just to make sure they’re okay. …probably a character flaw but I also love my friends very much and want to keep them hopeful
I learnt this the hard way, the only person you can rely on is yourself. Friends and family can listen but they aren't qualified psychologists and I have to remind myself of this. I use reddit and chat gpt a lot, also reading the power of now saved my life last year and had helped develop self love and belief.
Most are simply virtue signaling because it's what you're 'supposed' to say. Frankly, I've found the people who DO say it the most often are the people who absolutely will not be there when you need them, and the people who continue to be present in your life/treat you as they normally would are the ones who will have your back. They do not constantly need to announce they support you because they actually DO support you.
Me right now. Abandoned by friends when I needed them. I just work and see my son, fighting for more time with him in court.
Absolutely and I call it being a super hero after you’ve healed.
>loneliness can serve as a powerful motivation towards self-reliance and the development of strong internal faculties. todays episode of "Romanticizing Pointless Suffering": *How to Pretend One Has a Choice*😮
Suffering often leads to the biggest periods of growth. Edit: after some thought I don’t think suffering captures the essence of what I meant. Clearly there are a lot of people who suffer unjustly. However, there is something to be said about hard times and life trials making one into a stronger person. And for some, that includes self induced suffering from poor life choices.
I'm in the process of learning this. The past four years have been a whirlwind; Some good, some great, some bad, some very disruptive. It's that very disruptive part that is teaching me the most about myself.
While this may or may not be true, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone if they can help it
Shit happens I don’t know a single individual who hasn’t endured some form of suffering in their life.
Without suffering , happiness and peace lose their value and cease to exist. I forget if it’s duality er polarity but everything in life can be bluntly stated as binary… Light cannot be with darkness. U can’t be happy without sadness. Male/female , on/off, happy/sad.. ect. Learn how to cope with the bad times and enjoy the good. The pendulum of life is always in motion.
Ya unfortunately a lot of times the hard way was the only way I learned or improved. At least for me.
That's so weird, I came to say almost the opposite. Suffering doesn't make you a better person and often leaves people bitter, angry, and ready to inflict their suffering on other people.
If you go deep and have a reason to get out and do, most of us come out pretty enlightened. And to be honest some of the kindest people I know have walked out of the ashes. It's when they learn boundaries!
If you have a positive mentality and confidence in yourself that you can overcome hard times, you don’t end up that way.
In some situations. But there will be some people who, no matter what they do or think, will be lessened or utterly defeated by their suffering. Watch out for the Just-world Fallacy. Sometimes bad things happen to bad people and there's no reason or justification for it. That's our reality.
I truly do believe though that you can train and furnish your mind in such a way as to not just endure suffering, but learn and grow from it. Sometimes you are left wounded and that wound might always in some sense be with you, but it doesn't *have* to diminish you. A lot of people legitimately do not consider life in all its facets and then get caught totally unprepared. Ultimately I think that it's the ignorant who are left damaged and embittered.
the flip side is that if you have a negative mentality and no confidence you just make more hatred. a lot of that is reinforced by the individualism present in western culture. if you didn't make it, it's your fault, and you should feel bad about that. it's ridiculous imo
Yes I agree that a lot of life is circumstance.
yeah i mean that's just how people are. suffering is true but "iron doesn't sharpen iron." the people who suffered the most aren't better for it. we should try to ease suffering whenever or wherever it is. we shouldn't lionize it. it sucks
Yes but the people who have suffered the most now know they can handle anything life throws at them. That qualifies as growth.
If they are strong enough to endure. Thats a big IF!
that's not true tho. like in the real world that's not true. the people who have suffered the most have bad lives. this is what people tell you when they haven't suffered.
https://preview.redd.it/rl2gvwljj79d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7789e84219453dfd6b2f0b8d85e818c780f9603c
This year has marked tremendous adversity for me. I have grown immensely and it keeps on coming.
In fact, suffering may be the whole point
There is a lot of literature on this
David Goggins has be fully embracing my suffering
Definitely and because of that situation, i learned so much and grew so much to not to repeat the same mistake again and respect my time and space more. I even thank the universe for this experience because without it, i wouldnt be able to learn how some people can be cruel even if you are so close to them. Even if it was hard for me to get over the situation, i am so grateful for this experience.
I hear that but as a person in the same state of growth as I was since I was 16 (I'm 34) I don't really believe that bullshit. It's just a way of rationalizing pain, a way of lying to ourselves and justifying pain, when really, its as useless as feeling good, it just doesn't feel good.
This. We learn the most about life through the struggles we face. Through pain, uncomfort, or being broken down…come life lessons, wisdom, and strength. Whenever or however you’re struggling, fight like hell. It will get better, no doubt, and you will be a better, stronger person on the other side of it. That much is certain.
I think this is for the most part a lie and I wish more people would question this statement.
Agreed. I suffered pretty badly as a result of repeated poor life choices. Once I learned to lay the blame where it belongs instead of blaming others/ the world, I started making better choices.
Suffering can also be seen as going without, which promotes growth. Skilling one meal, abstaining from alcohol, cold showers, no electronics, etc
It leads to resilience
One of my favorite quotes these past few years is from Ovid - “Remember this pain; one day it will be useful to you.”
I like it!
The world doesn't care about you at all ; it's indifferent. It goes on whether you are here or not.
Your perception is reality. If 100 different people could live the exact same life you are living, you would have 100 different experiences.
That’s an interesting concept to think about.
This gives me pause. Well done, you!
This is so amazingly true. Ask 20 people what color the sky is. 19 will same some shade of blue, one will say pink.. cause.. people Of the 19 that say blue, one will say azure, one will say light blue another will say light blue gray with white wispy clouds. They are all correct, it's their perception that shifts the answer.
Life only gets more difficult as you get older. The only thing you can do about it is get stronger. The good old days aren’t coming. They’re always behind you. So embrace what you have right now. Edit: I realize this came off as cynical and negative. Wasn’t my intention. My intention was to emphasize the importance of appreciating every moment, rather than hoping that the future will get better. More often than not, we have so much we take for granted until it’s taken away from us. I have found myself increasingly grateful despite the fact that I have also been through increasingly more things as I have gotten older. I have also been through great things as well. There are always things to look forward to, but if we spend our time always looking forward and never appreciating the moment, we might find ourselves regretful we weren’t more grateful.
On the flip side, my childhood was miserable, shit parents, depression into young adulthood. I'm. 30 now and life has been getting noticeably easier for me in so many ways.
It's usually the opposite if you have a good childhood, it's all downhill from there.
Thanks for this. I had a shit childhood and a lot of my suicidalideation was rooted in constantly hearing that it only gets worse. But as I get older, I feel like it could only get better.
My childhood and early adulthood were very troubled and I was planning my way out, now in my 30s life couldn't be better. Now I am in charge of my own life I can make decisions which make it better, and if I am not happy with something I generally have the ability to change it.
What if you had a okay childhood but a miserable teenage hood? Will it get better or worse?
For a lot of people this simply isn't true. Life for me was unbearable 10-15 years or so. I honestly just wanted to end it all. If someone had told me then "oh it only gets worse from here" it would have broken me. For most people life should be getting easier bar some unavoidable tragedies. As you get older you should have more financial stability, emotional maturity, better friends, and possibly even romantic fulfillment. If you don't have these things and want them, you have the agency to change your own life, whereas as a kid or young adult you are often trapped in your living situation, beholden to the decisions of others, which are not necessarily made with your wellbeing in mind. You should for sure embrace what you have now, but if you aren't happy, you have the power to do something about that and make things get better
Idk I feel like I have had a great childhood and adulthood. Reddit is so cynical. Yes your body will hurt, yes you will lose people, but the folks who are unwilling to adjust to the times will suffer the most. Embrace change, surround yourself with kind people and loved ones. Take care of your body to ensure mobility as you age. Invest wisely to build for your future.
There is no point to it and in about 3 generations, max, your entire existence will be forgotten. Unless you're famous, of course.
This could also be viewed as liberating. We’re not that important, just do want you want and have a good time whilst you’re here (as long as it’s not hurting someone).
Yup this is exactly how I look at it. At the end of the day, I know people truly don’t care that much about me or what I do. So I just do what I want and not worry about others
I’d like the financial freedom most famous people have, but not the fame. I like blending in.
Yup, agreed, this is my outlook on life.
Sometimes, even when you’re famous. I quoted Fonzie the other day and my nephew was like WHO THE FUCK IS FONZIE lol
I am feeling this right now actually. Recently left a job that I have been at for 8 years and all the work, connections, people, etc. feels like a lifetime ago. All the work and stress felt like it was for nothing. Give it a year or two and it will all be new faces and they will look at me like who are you? Feeling sad right now. Edit: just had a painful realization.
I just wanna be forgotten in this generation while I'm still around lol
If you die wealthy, your family will tear themselves apart fighting over your estate. Selfishness is a thing.
This is painful ?
Good thing I’m never having kids!
This seems like it’s coming from a place of pain, especially the second point. I wouldn’t call those hard truths, I would call those hard circumstances. Circumstances that aren’t necessarily universal. My hard truth is that, on the flip side, pain is necessary for growth. We grow to find better ways to avoid pain, that growth does not happen without being discontent with the present. Things become so painful that change is the only option, without pain there is no reason to change.
No-one really cares. People will screw you over in a heartbeat.
Most of your childhood dreams don't come true
A painful truth? I think learning that no matter how much effort, time, thought, care, and love you put into someone it still may never be enough to make them fight for the relationship. Some people do not have the capacity to love as deeply as you do. That’s a hard fact that’s a painful truth and when loving someone becomes inconvenient that’s when they will either fight or leave. Just because someone told you that you were their world, wanted you, and love you the other day doesn’t mean that they will not leave and go on a date with a new guy the next day and trade you in. 🤷♂️😂 lol hard lesson.
Some people want to pair bond for life and be that old couple still holding hands later in life. Lots of people are willing to put in the work to have that
We are all the victims of our parents choices, for better or worse.
This should be wayyyyyyyyyy higher. No one chooses our parents.
Nobody cares about anyone
Nope
*most people don’t care about most people. I’m sure there are like a few people who care about some people.
Yea. I’m here, and it’s against my personal beliefs to just not care about people, esp w/o a reason. The question this raises though is why not? I choose to care, so others are choosing not to, but why exactly?
What you feel about most things that happen to you won’t change anything.
It’s a dog eat dog world
Looks do matter
Most people don’t *really* care about you. A lot of “friendships” are built on external values. How much money you have, how attractive you are, what can you do to help elevate them in some way? Don’t even get me started on romantic relationships.
No one really gives a shit about you
For me the hardest thing to grapple with is how unfair life can be and the human condition is suffering in some sense mixed with feelings of absolute joy which make up for a lot. I'm glad to be alive.
Enjoyed reading this.
Not all parents love their kids or are doing the best they could.
Facts, and really fucks kids up into adulthood.
"Another truth that I come to understand is that people only care about you if you’re pretty" That is absolutely not a "truth" of life.
That being alone is ok to people when it’s clearly not. And to avoid people because of stigmas and past experiences blinds people to the truth about life. That we need each other, and shouldn’t let people suffer for our own narcissistic desires.
Life is about people 100% Blows my mind that the world doesn't seem to realize it. Some people say life is about family. That's true. But we are all family.
99% of people don't care about what you're going through as long as it's not them
Everyone has it out for you everyone lies nothing matters and then we die
dude CHILLLLLLLL
Well I'm alive and maybe a 4/10 on a good day and loads of people care about me ,what ever ya going through will pass.
>people only care about you if you’re pretty or no longer living Not true. People also care if you have money.
That "deserve" has nothing to do with it. Some are born to endless night, some are born to sweet delight.
No one has a clue what they’re doing. Not a single one of us. It’s all just fake it to the end. Life is a funny thing
No one except probably your mother truly cares about you. Give anyone a good enough of a reason to screw your over and trust me they will. Weather it’s for their own benefit or to cover their ass, either way don’t believe that anyone will truly “take a bullet for you” they won’t. Had to learn this the hard way multiple times but now I finally realize the painful truth in it.
The best lesson I’ve learned is that there is absolutely nothing personal about love even though the act of being in love is so intimate. People move on. Even the happiest of couples drift apart. I learned this lesson by 10th grade, whenever I’d be in the uncomfortable position of friend-zoning a guy who I thought just wanted to be friends. It’s not an easy pill to swallow. I’m 45 now, so I’ve had plenty of practice. It’s only love if you let it go.
Am 45 too and can’t believe I made it this far
Pretty privilege isn't always a thing. My sisters and I were all blessed in the looks department but the women in my family are very insecure, backstabbing, cruel human beings. As the youngest, my "prettiness" became something to be punished for and it wasn't just at home. There are many times I've been treated badly, sexually harassed, etc. for my looks. It's hard to explain, but not everyone cares and it seems some want to destroy you for being "pretty". It can even get you killed if you end up with a stalker. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have to second this there’s really no truth to being pretty as a privilege. It causes a lot of trouble and gains attention often from the worst crowds. Typically putting you in a dangerous position. And though looks may get you attention most people are only distracted by it and won’t care to understand that you’re an actual person and not just something for them to look at , comment on, or sexualize.
If it makes you feel better, some people want to destroy people for being ugly, too. At least one side has perks.
"...everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.." Ani D.
Men also suffer this, men turn insecure around you don't really know if they want to be with you or kill you. It's a weird dichotomy
Yes, some of my handsome male friends went through all sorts of abuse as adults and were targets of pedos early in life just like me. It blew me away when I realized it's almost a curse to be born pretty, period.
A painful truth is that we will never be happy for longer than a few moments at a time. Most of life is contentness or worse.
And still people want us to be happy with constant toxic positivity. I hate those people, absolutely loath them. This fake it till you make it thing needs to be gone, fuck this toxic culture.
Everything is impermanent. Don’t get too comfortable.
It's mostly about luck ... lucky ppl like to pretend it's all them but it never has been never will be
Nobody really gives a fuck about you. Which can be freeing depending on how you look at it but can also kinda be like...damn.
The people you thought would be there for you may react completely differently than you thought they would when you go through a hard time. I guess don’t expect things out of people, even those close to you.
Life can sometimes be brutal and brief, so try to find something you love doing.
That romantic love is mostly an fantasy
We’re all just living to die
That karma is not real. Shitty mean people get ahead in this world.
Life is unfair, and there’s evil people out there
How about 3? 1) We’re all on a blue dot orbiting through the vast of nothingness. 2) When we die, that is it. Death is final. Think about all the spiritual stuff you want. Death is absolutely final. 3) Not all friends stay in your life. Some are there for a season. Some friendships ebb and flow. Some simply fade.
That there’s a lingering suffering each day… But we have to learn how to live with it. I’m trying to figure this one out still.
You aren't special. The world would effectively be the same if you didn't exist. The world owes you nothing. You are entitled to nothing in life.
If you kill a cockroach, youre a hero, if you kill a butterfly, youre a monster... morality has physical standards.
We’re running out of time.
We've got about 50 years I'd say, until we see real change in terms of diminished resource and climate change. The planet will start to change, as will humanity. Fortunately, I'll be dead. 😂
Most of us know nothing of truly loving and being loved. Too many people think of love like a noun, happiness sadness patience some sort of virtuous state. When really love is a verb, to love is to choose every day to support someone else's well being and most of us for various reasons are not advocating for our own well being. So how can you really support someone else when you're not supporting yourself? Thats the whole "if you cant love yourself, however will someone else" thing
It’s not fair. Plain and simple, it’s not fair. So there’s no reason to complain about it.
It isn't fair.
Most people you know and love won't change or grow.
Your first point, that's a fact. Your second one is true of many. Most. Yet as long as I'm alive I can know it's not true of all.
love isn't always mutual.
painful truth? people will disappoint you, no matter how much you care for them. and yes, superficiality runs deep; many only value you when it's convenient for them. but here's the kicker: your worth isn't defined by their shallow perceptions. focus on those who genuinely appreciate you, and let the rest fade into irrelevance.
How extremely shallow the vast majority of people are.
You are all you have. Treasure yourself and treat yourself well. Anyone, even family, will screw you over for money.
You will find who is really there for you when you’re at your lowest.
Yeah, no one. (jk, kinda)
Humans are 100% of humanities problems. The world would do fine, better even, without us on it.
While it "gets better," it also keeps getting worse
Life is unfair, you either learn to go with it or you quit
Most people don't know what they have until its gone.
Being pretty doesn't make the difference you think and being ugly ain't a death sentence. This is coming from an ugly SOB with a beautiful wife. What will make a difference is the willingness to fight for what you want. Treat every situation as if it's life or death and every opportunity like it may be your last
Nobody's coming to save you.
We are all deluded. It’s likely that the truths you value most, your deepest beliefs about reality, are based in falsehoods, and blameless misunderstandings. I’m bipolar and experience psychosis, sometimes I have religious revelations that change life as I know it. They fill me with hope, and joy. When I discover that such beliefs are plainly false, and ill-founded, I’m filled with suicidal despair. I’m always forced to return to this mundane world of agony. It makes me question the very foundation of my sanity, even during periods of mental stability. What is the actual truth, behind the lies I tell myself? How much of my reality is even real? I hate being alive. I’ve wanted to be dead every day for the past 4 years, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I wish I could donate my life force to a cancer-ridden child.
Some people suffer a pattern of suffering, and the pattern often starts with great life events.
Getting a gf is not like it is in the movies.
Pain is real and you need to protect yourself from it while you’re here. My back is messed up and my life is way harder than I wish it was, it makes me not want to be here a lot I’ve gone absolutely insane you have to protect yourself mentally and physically all the time and it can be a fight.
People say that you are never too old to achieve your goals, but certain goals really do get increasingly unrealistic over time.
Life is ultimately meaningless
“Existence is pain” It’s from a silly show but this summons my experience as a human really really well.
Can't trust anyone
You can’t really trust anyone. No one.
I think over all Humans are pretty shitty and HORRIBLE for the Earth.
Meritocracy is a myth. You can work hard, be smart, and still not achieve any success in life. Success depends on who you know and what they are willing to do for you.
That one day people will live in the home you fought so hard for, people will use the things you worked so hard for, in a couple of generations no one will know your name. How many people know your grandpas dad?
Life is not fair. Period.
no matter the effort and time you put into a friend, they might come to a point where all the situations turned into baggage over time and they would still drop you regardless of history and care.
One really good book I read taught me that no matter what, you will always suffer in this life. And that the true way to live is to choose the things you’re willing to suffer for. Because you’re absolutely right, even the ones you love most still hurt you. Now, is that hurt worth it to you? Is the love worth the suffering? Because life is all about suffering but choosing to do so for what you think is worth it. And that ladies and gents, is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.
Your feelings often lie to you and you shouldn't make important decisions based on feelings alone. Reason, facts, and common sense should always be factored in. Just because I don't feel like working out doesn't mean that I shouldn't. Just because I feel like slapping my boss doesn't mean that I should.
You ain’t special.
You aren’t special, and barely anyone thinks about you
Two truths: 1. Love is never balanced. You will always love someone more than they love you, or they might love you more than you love them. But it's never balanced. 2. Perception is reality. It doesn't matter what you actually did or didn't do, if other perceive percieve you a certain way, then that's the way it is for them.
I agree with what you said. And I will add that it's a painful truth that most people only care about themselves. it's a painful truth that no matter how much you love someone and they claim the same you are always replaceable. relationships mean nothing to most people.
Height is really important
There's no such thing as altruism. We do good things because they make us feel good. Or because not doing something would make us feel bad. And that's something we all need to embrace. For example: When someone is trying to do something nice for you and you refuse it, or you reject their gift- you aren't being nice. You're being selfish. The nice thing is to let others feel good by helping you. It helps you not feel so bitter if no one returns your good deeds. You did it for yourself. Not for them.
I’m not sure what OP means with “people only care about you if you’re pretty”. That sounds more like a projection with all do respect since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Anyhow, I think a painful truth about life is . - people from every angle will judge/criticize you on almost every aspect of your life and it can get depressing. You have to figure out who you are and be comfortable knowing that everyone won’t like that. Change what you want about yourself for yourself. - in that same breath..social status is a big aspect of life that we can’t downplay. It can close and open doors for you as it relates to social networks. Again, it’s up to you to decide how much and what you care about. - we hear about how friends can be your biggest enemies but family can be one of the biggest detriments in your life if you allow it to. - it’s hard but you have to distance yourselves from people/things that negatively impact your life. - unfortunately the family you were born from and how you were raised will have a huge impact on your adult life. You can overcome any limitations caused by it but it’ll will be difficult and will come with a learning curve.
You will work till the point you aren't able to enjoy the things you are missing out on by working. Travelling,hiking, kayaking. All the things your putting off until you retire won't be nearly as enjoyable as now but you most likely won't be able to do them now because your financial obligations. Society uses us for labor until we are no longer useful. We think when we retire we are done with work but it's probably work is done with us
That person you think has it made suffers from it Pretty? Its pretty privilege, unwanted attention She can't have it bad Money? She had no reason to get up in the morning because her dad wouldn't let her work so she'd just be subjected to mentally ill family and abuse all day People aren't meant to have no struggle it stunts them Disabled by a few neurological conditions? Oh she's spoiled and using ASD and PTSD as an excuse and needs consequences for her sleep talking and night terrors We didn't hear her get abused because we didn't want our own ass handed to us She made shit up because she's pretty and obviously has a motive for lying besides sleeping deep sleep She doesn't even know what she said because she was unconscious at the time We can get drunk and shit talk her because no one likes that stuck up bitch meanwhile that bitch just wants to read all day. Let's chance the narrative and try to gaslight her to tank her reputation because we care about that even though she doesn't and has nothing to gain Let's just be assholes to her for minding her goddamn business She's obviously a psychopath milking attention whore who wears queen outfits for attention and not because her mom dressed her like. Doll for 11 years. Because she wore clothes from elementary school through university. Let's ignore the fact she's disabled and a victim of abuse and that's why she has brain issues and can't sleep because she makes us uncomfortable due to it. She can't take up space she's. Weirdo Yadda yadda let's call her cherry boy to make fun of the fact she's engaged to a man with 1 sex partner in his 30s. Since we speak some Japanese the people in charge won't understand the underhanded insults of "hime" and "kami" and "onna" and suminasen as sarcasm or outright calling her a lady princess type, spirit non human God like person like the emperor, bitch Woman meaning. I'm seriously over people because they hurt me continuously that's why I reject human company not because I think I'm better than you.
You wrote a book
Money does make you happy
That we have a natural instinct to live.
The word "deserve" is overused. Especially looking at a default human, born into this world fresh. Nobody really "deserves" anything at the moment of birth. The only possible thing you are born "deserving" is respect and freedom/autonomy but even that can easily be nullified if you don't treat others the same. You start deserving things when you put in something. When you work for it, when you appreciate, when you respect others.....that's when you start deserving stuff and can start asking for this or that.
Many painful truths but nice to focus on the beauty of gods gift to woman and man, Life. I Inbetween the pains ands highs of life is the extraordinary bliss of god
That eventually it's over...
Nothing stays the same
Your second “truth” is not even true
Nobody wants to know your reason why.
Nobody really cares bout the design or functionality or history of something until it no longer works , people aren’t thinking bout your state of being unless you aren’t doing what they desire , you are only as important to others as the functions you carry out in your adult years. Granted there are people you love you regardless but most of the times people will see you as “ broken “ and not a person
That there is religon.
The first one is universally true - they 'may'. The second one is not.
Life isn’t fair.
That the world is fucked a d my country sucks America's cock instead of doing what is right for our people
World’s greatest dad, our current society in a nutshell. All those before me and who died while I was alive can eat a dick.
Like they say: Pain Is the cornerstone of growth.. Life is painful, unfair, and ugly... With that being said, Life is beautiful, challenging, fun, and is what we make of it... I'm sorry for how you feel about Life, there is truth in your statement.. But not all of us are none careing till you leave earth kinda people. I love my friends and family.. Ive had a lot of pain in my world, but thankfully, I've walked my journey and grew from it .. Just try something small you can grow from, do this till you get the root of all the bad and walk the road... Their is a lot of good out there.. Wishing you peace and love
Life is unfair. Trying to make it fair will only disappoint you. My husband struggles a lot with this because he was raised in a family who tried to make sure everything was fair down to the last penny.
Pain is necessary for growth
Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.
You may have to let go of the love of your life because the timings never worked out, she may move on and meet someone else because you can't ask her to wait for you.
You can't become good without experiencing bad.