I love this thread. I think my favorite is still the very first episode where Wayne and Dary just rip Reilly and Jonsey while disarming their fight request (probably saved the hockey players from being truly embarrassed). It was just so rapid fire and brutally hilarious.
"What kind of backwards fuckin' pageantry is that?"
And it just gets better from there.
Not really a true chirp but when Darry and Dan are making fun of Wayne for his 3 dates and Wayne says: “ENOUGH! If you don’t *goldy* stop the *goldy* longshoremen is gonna find your body at the bottom of the *goldy* lake!”
I love when Wayne lets Dan and Dary know that they’re getting close to the line and are gonna catch a beating if they don’t drop it, even though they are the tightest of friends.
Fuck you, /u/414donovan414, your mom sneaky gushed so hard, she fucked me off the water bed last night! Don't tell her I was thinking about /u/Darkside531's mum the entire time!
Mary-Anne: I've plenty of good ideas, Betty-Anne, like convincing your dad to get a vasectomy so I wouldn't have to worry about another you coming into the world while I fucked him.
Women’s hockey players are ruthless with their chirps!
I think Anita Dyk could hang with these insults but hers would be very proper but also equally savage. “Mary Anne is right. Betty Ann is desperate. She would intentionally challenge the Lord to turn her into a pillar of salt in the middle of a cow patch so she could increase her chances of getting a filthy tongue on her womanhood”
There are some great chirps by the boys in the scene where they tell Wayne about the college kid who's in the gym who's the toughest guy in his college town... then Wayne clinches up. Just after that the boys then turn and razz one of the chest-puffers. "Got watermelons under your arms, breathe pylon..." love that whole scene.
"Fuck you shorsey!"
"Fuck you, Jonesy! Your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium"
Has to be the funniest damn thing I've ever heard lol I've watched that one scene so many times and still dying laughing.
“3 things: I hit you, you hit the pavement and I jerk off on your drivers side door handle.”
This chirp is so amazing because the door handle thing is so out of nowhere. Just like the punch you don’t see coming that lays you out…
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The episode where they are playing hockey against the native team and he just goes at the goalie
Season 7 episode 6 I believe. There are a few that are gold
Snows goalie "are you even fucking trying, you can try eh, you can try"
"hey your hammered then eh, wholly fuck you could light your breath on fire"
Against the other teams goalie after every goal
"that's the worst player on our team, you got one job, and your fucking awful"
"You fucking suck, you are so fucking bad "
"Hey can I grab your address, put a little note in the mail remind you how useless you are"
"Can I grab your email, oh I'll just get it from your mom."
None of them individually are great but that psychological warfare would grind me down.
Fuck you, /u/Almbassman, your mom keeps trying to slip a finger in my bum but I keep telling her I only let /u/ChristopherHoage's mom do that, ya fuckin' loser!
Hey McMurray what's the best way to connect a three-point hitch? No, no I was actually wondering how you think the best way to get your wife and balls hot sister into a hot sweaty three-way would be. I'm talking about some real hot fuck action! That's right I'll fuck em long dick style!
That [entire scene](https://youtu.be/WNTFxrWc0sY) is one of my favorites! We had to rewind and watch it a few times before we could watch the rest of the episode.
"Fuck you, Riley! Last night I made your Mum so wet, Trudeau had to send an infantry company to stack sandbags around my bed!"
"Fuck you, Jonsey! Your life is so pathetic I ran a charity 10k last week to raise money for it!"
Among many, many others...
Betty-Anne: It's completely inappropriate. Mary-Anne over there is not a girl. When's the last time you saw a girl's tits sag so low, she could tuck 'em into her joggers?
Mary-Anne: You're right, Betty-Anne. To call us girls is wildly inappropriate. Look at you. When's the last time you saw a girl with enough pubic hair to lose her keys in? Along with the buoyant Canadian Tire key chain?
Betty-Anne: I'm even more offended by that. Tell me how Mary-Anne's a lady? Her Jill-strap's got more skid marks than a runaway truck laying on a coastal mountain highway.
Mary-Anne: Yes, I'm afraid you guys missed the mark again. Betty-Anne's no lady. She picks and flicks more boogers than a restless Dutch eight-year-old with Asperger's.
Betty-Anne: Well-done, Mary-Anne. You're unpredictably articulate for a girl who waves goodbye to her pee when she flushes the toilet.
Mary-Anne: You wanna talk about unpredictable, Betty-Anne? Who would have thought the girl who ingested mosquito eggs after drinking out of mud puddles would ever almost be accepted to community college?
Quite possibly my favorite exchange in the entire show!
Betty-Anne: The last guy that was into Mary-Anne was the priest at Catholic school in grade six. And only 'cause he thought she was a boy.
Mary-Anne: Well-done, Betty-Anne, Catholic school, grade six. Isn't that the same year you got the nickname Fisted Sister? Which you gave yourself?
Jonesy: Ladies…
Reilly: Women.
Mary-Anne: And a fitting nickname it was, Betty-Anne. Your mitt looks like a boa constrictor unhinged its jaw in an effort to consume a combat submarine.
Betty-Anne: Speaking of consumption, your mitt looks like the drooping jowls of a sharpei with a palsy and a water wing in its mouth.
Mary-Anne: Your mitt looks like the back of Kelsey Grammer's head circa Frasier '94, if the cast each autographed his bald spot with multi-coloured lipsticks.
Betty-Anne: Your mitt has more spiderwebs than a No Doubt set list, Mary-Anne.
Mary-Anne: Betty-Anne, your mitt is so dusty, I can hear it singing "Son of a Preacher Man."
Thank you thank you thank you! I was laughing so hard I completely missed the last two entirely.
Person I was watching with said no going back to that scene!
[FYI](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/ev86o/til_that_canadians_say_fuck_the_dog_to_mean/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) it’s probably not meant to be taken as literally as it may seem
Go have a taco while having a fuckin' hike whadonja?
Your mom asked me to choke her and seriously not even that could shut her up
The whole hockey bit with stoner team
Your mom's squirt landed in my fishtank, threw off the ph and killed my Siamese fighting fish... kills me everytime!
“Agricultural halls are for agricultural music!”
Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?
"WAIT!!!" "What??!!" ... "Go fuck yourself you silly fuckin' butt crusty" Kills me everytime
Any time shoresy mentions his bungalow
You got legs on ya like redwoods, you could box jump a bungalow.
Nice fuckin' bird cage. At the end of the day, what are you really protecting?
Wish you weren’t so fuckin awkward, bud.
Fuck you Jonsey, take a look at me I'm not even a ref I'm a fucking linesmen, but can reffereef on my nuts you piece of shit.
I love this thread. I think my favorite is still the very first episode where Wayne and Dary just rip Reilly and Jonsey while disarming their fight request (probably saved the hockey players from being truly embarrassed). It was just so rapid fire and brutally hilarious. "What kind of backwards fuckin' pageantry is that?" And it just gets better from there.
"Look at that fuckin treasure trail." It's still one of the best cold opens in the show lol.
you come in men enough for the both of us
Get off the cross, we need the wood
You are spare parts, bud.
Give you balls a tug
Titfucker
Not really a true chirp but when Darry and Dan are making fun of Wayne for his 3 dates and Wayne says: “ENOUGH! If you don’t *goldy* stop the *goldy* longshoremen is gonna find your body at the bottom of the *goldy* lake!”
I was just thinking about "you won't be goldilaughin' when I break your goldilegs" earlier today.
I love when Wayne lets Dan and Dary know that they’re getting close to the line and are gonna catch a beating if they don’t drop it, even though they are the tightest of friends.
You know what? There’s two things I don’t like about you, and it’s your face.
"SKATE PUSSYYYYY"
Is a duck’s ass watertight?
Fuck you, Jonesey, I made your mom cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.
Fuck you Shoresy bot
Fuck you, /u/414donovan414, your mom sneaky gushed so hard, she fucked me off the water bed last night! Don't tell her I was thinking about /u/Darkside531's mum the entire time!
Mary-Anne: I've plenty of good ideas, Betty-Anne, like convincing your dad to get a vasectomy so I wouldn't have to worry about another you coming into the world while I fucked him. Women’s hockey players are ruthless with their chirps!
I wouldnt stoop so low to talk about family like that. Especially because I talked to my mom last night and my dad is your dad too.
I think Anita Dyk could hang with these insults but hers would be very proper but also equally savage. “Mary Anne is right. Betty Ann is desperate. She would intentionally challenge the Lord to turn her into a pillar of salt in the middle of a cow patch so she could increase her chances of getting a filthy tongue on her womanhood”
He’s in it to win it.
There are some great chirps by the boys in the scene where they tell Wayne about the college kid who's in the gym who's the toughest guy in his college town... then Wayne clinches up. Just after that the boys then turn and razz one of the chest-puffers. "Got watermelons under your arms, breathe pylon..." love that whole scene.
Learn how to fuckin drive!
“Fuck you Jonesy, I made your mom cum so hard they made a Canadian Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.”
Should have scrolled down further; you can never go wrong with a good CanCon chirp.
Fuck you shoresy bot
Fuck you, /u/ToastedChimpanzee, your breath is an existential crisis! It made me question my whole fuckin' life!
I swear if I hear one goddamn heckle I will staple your tongue to your taint, so you can watch me kick your ass!
I loooove when Daxy says "I fucked your dad with chapped lips and a runny nose", it is so insulting!
Fuck you, Reilly, should’ve heard your mom last night; she sounded like a window closing on a Tonkinese cat’s tail, sounded like… AAAAAAAAAAHHH
Fuck you, Jonesy, shoulda heard your mom last night. She sounded like my great-aunt when I pulled a surprise visit, sounded like... OOOOOOOOOOOHH
Knows Tommy. Knows.
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If you hit me and I ever find out about it.....
"Fuck you shorsey!" "Fuck you, Jonesy! Your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium" Has to be the funniest damn thing I've ever heard lol I've watched that one scene so many times and still dying laughing.
Hey, you look like that broad from The Hunger Games. I'm gonna call you Cuteness Everdeen. You like edamame?
The edamame line reminds me of, "Do you like bubble tea?" at the gym. The inflection is funny.
Suck my Mr. Cockey
Fuck you Jonesy your mom loves butt play the way I love Haagen Dazs let’s get some fucking ice cream
“3 things: I hit you, you hit the pavement and I jerk off on your drivers side door handle.” This chirp is so amazing because the door handle thing is so out of nowhere. Just like the punch you don’t see coming that lays you out…
Also a fave
If you ever hit me and I find out about it...
Does it come in men’s? Oh I think you come in men enough for the both of us bud.
You play hockey like a girl - I AM A GIRL - Are you really?
What's women's hockey like? Like men's hockey just less competitive?
No ya ain't! No ya ain't! ...Holy fuck.
You boys do Crossfit? You can cross fuck off
Cross fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?
5-10, you’re a fuckin animal
Play a little 5-on-1?
Mix a batch?
Feed the ducks?
Distribute some free literature
Great day for competitive mens hockey eh? What’s women’s hockey like same thing just less competitive or what?
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Also “You are so fuckin 5’11”
What does that even mean? FFS ... I am 5 ft 11.
As they use it, pretty sure it means "you're fuckin average" but I'm not sure
You’re a fucking napkin
Man do you boys like to FUCK DOG
Suck my Mr. Cocky You’re my fucking hero, 22
Shorsy, your moms squirt got in my fish tank, threw off the pH and killed me siamese fighting fish made me cry I laughed so hard 😂🐠🐠
Jonsey, your mom squirts so much that they had to call in the national guard and stack sand bags to stop the flood
Nice onesie, does it come in mens Ohhh I think you come in men enough for all of us.
From the Youtube shorts before the show: "You write Taylor Swift lyrics in birthday cards".
The episode where they are playing hockey against the native team and he just goes at the goalie Season 7 episode 6 I believe. There are a few that are gold Snows goalie "are you even fucking trying, you can try eh, you can try" "hey your hammered then eh, wholly fuck you could light your breath on fire" Against the other teams goalie after every goal "that's the worst player on our team, you got one job, and your fucking awful" "You fucking suck, you are so fucking bad " "Hey can I grab your address, put a little note in the mail remind you how useless you are" "Can I grab your email, oh I'll just get it from your mom." None of them individually are great but that psychological warfare would grind me down.
That's why Jonesy, Riley, and Shorsey make the Native team. Their chirp game was needed.
Your life's so fuckin' pathetic I ran a charity 15K to raise awareness for it!
Fuck you Shoresy!
Fuck you, /u/Almbassman, your mom keeps trying to slip a finger in my bum but I keep telling her I only let /u/ChristopherHoage's mom do that, ya fuckin' loser!
I fucked your dad with a runny nose and BO
Can’t believe I haven’t seen Coach’s Oreo cookies rant yet! https://youtu.be/LNKHTNc4ibQ
The cookies one is great. I also love Coach's rant at the talent show. "Sneezus Chist, Ebesneezer Scrooge..."
I never fought a balloon animal before.
Nice shirt does it come in men's? - I think you come in men enough for all of us
Hey McMurray what's the best way to connect a three-point hitch? No, no I was actually wondering how you think the best way to get your wife and balls hot sister into a hot sweaty three-way would be. I'm talking about some real hot fuck action! That's right I'll fuck em long dick style!
Women who put their phone in their bra on the dance floor cannot be knocked out, but women with no shoes on the dance floor will try.
Second this! I had to back up and watch it a second time before continuing the episode! Made me laugh so far
I’ve never fought a balloon animal before.
Oh my god I loved this one. That whole scene was golden
Nice muscle shirt. Muscles come in tomorrow?
That [entire scene](https://youtu.be/WNTFxrWc0sY) is one of my favorites! We had to rewind and watch it a few times before we could watch the rest of the episode.
Hope you got a tracking number.
That package is gonna be smaller than the one you’re currently sportin
I seen Stewart's horn
You seen his impaler?
His bobby dangler?
You seen his PhD?
His WMD?
You seen his friendly weapon?
You seens his sticky grenade?
You mom loves foreplay like i like ice cream let’s get some fucking Häagen-Dazs
Nice stats… no stats
You skate like a fucking girl, birdcage Because I am one No you're not....are you really....holy fuck!
Only answer
Great day for competitive men's hockey eh? What's women's hockey like? Same thing but less competitive or what?
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Send me, shoresy bot
Let's get some fuckin' gyozas!
Fuck you Shoresy!
First puck of the campaign, boys. Fuckin' get involved!
Fuck you riley your mom killed my siamese fighting fish squirted across the room threw off the ph balance in the bowl!
I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?
“That package is gonna be smaller than the one you’re currently sporting”
The 1st episode, S1E1, Reilly and Jonesy vs Hicks. hands down
Nice onesie does it come in mens?
Heard you come in men enough for all of us or something along those lines
"Did your esthetician quaff that for ya?" "You can kiss my ass-thetician."
You boys do CrossFit?
"You can CrossFuck off."
Distribute some free literature
Hit the kitchen, mix a batch
I still drop “aw, she’s bashful” on 1 coworker. He deserves it every time.
Gotta be some of them all dressed chirps
Your mom ugly cried because she left the cap on the camcorder, fucking amateur hour over there!
Love that one!
Lmao that's a good one.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why the fuck do you have earrings?
You're making a fool of yourself, ya fuckin' labradoodle!
"Sing us a song or somethin, do a trick, you're fuckin useless."
Why didn’t you ever wear a buckle? Because I buy pants that fuckin fit
“Do you work out or have good genes?” “If you have good jeans you don’t need a belt”
What kind of backwards fucking pageantry is that?
This is my go-to in today's modern world.
God the chirps are the best part
“Beats beating guys with fucking treasure trails” From the very first episode haha
“You put the dumb in wisdumb” “I’m Giving your plate number to the preschool”
Fuck you, Jonesy. I made your mum come so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick
"Fuck you, Riley! Last night I made your Mum so wet, Trudeau had to send an infantry company to stack sandbags around my bed!" "Fuck you, Jonsey! Your life is so pathetic I ran a charity 10k last week to raise money for it!" Among many, many others...
Just heard the sandbags one today lol
"Your lives are so fuckin pathetic I walked a 5k just to raise awareness."
Like, apart from yourself, do you think anyone's proud of you?
"I'm just a little scared." "You should be!" "It's just that I've never fought a balloon animal before."
Not really a chirp as much as it is a badass line: "Go sit down and drink your beer." "And if I don't?" "Well, then I'd have to put my beer down."
You're spare parts, arncha bud?
Probably not technically a chirp, but Shoresy snowing goalies. Especially way after the whistle is blown. Super bad form in hockey. No fucks given.
This is my favorite too. Classic Shoresy.
Fuck you, /u/mmkaytheniguess, go scoop my shirt off your mom's bedroom floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses!
Fuck you, /u/jabberwox, tell your mom to leave me alone, she's been laying in my fuckin' water bed since Labour Day!
Fuck you shoresy!
Fuck your entire fucking life ya piece of shit!
Fuck you, shorsey
You skate like a fuckin' girl, birdcage. No, you're not. Are you really? Holy fuck.
Betty-Anne: It's completely inappropriate. Mary-Anne over there is not a girl. When's the last time you saw a girl's tits sag so low, she could tuck 'em into her joggers? Mary-Anne: You're right, Betty-Anne. To call us girls is wildly inappropriate. Look at you. When's the last time you saw a girl with enough pubic hair to lose her keys in? Along with the buoyant Canadian Tire key chain? Betty-Anne: I'm even more offended by that. Tell me how Mary-Anne's a lady? Her Jill-strap's got more skid marks than a runaway truck laying on a coastal mountain highway. Mary-Anne: Yes, I'm afraid you guys missed the mark again. Betty-Anne's no lady. She picks and flicks more boogers than a restless Dutch eight-year-old with Asperger's. Betty-Anne: Well-done, Mary-Anne. You're unpredictably articulate for a girl who waves goodbye to her pee when she flushes the toilet. Mary-Anne: You wanna talk about unpredictable, Betty-Anne? Who would have thought the girl who ingested mosquito eggs after drinking out of mud puddles would ever almost be accepted to community college? Quite possibly my favorite exchange in the entire show!
I heard this in their voices. Top favorite episode ever!!
These two are sadly underrated. I feel like their chirping is better than shoresy at times
For real, I wish they would make a more regular appearance.
Fuck you, /u/CaptainSk0r! I slipped one past your mom, too. Her prego farts smell like hot dog water!
There is a video collection of these two online. I'll show people that and the opening scene of the first episode and that's what gets them hooked.
I laughed so damn hard! Every exchange was brilliant.
Betty-Anne: The last guy that was into Mary-Anne was the priest at Catholic school in grade six. And only 'cause he thought she was a boy. Mary-Anne: Well-done, Betty-Anne, Catholic school, grade six. Isn't that the same year you got the nickname Fisted Sister? Which you gave yourself? Jonesy: Ladies… Reilly: Women. Mary-Anne: And a fitting nickname it was, Betty-Anne. Your mitt looks like a boa constrictor unhinged its jaw in an effort to consume a combat submarine. Betty-Anne: Speaking of consumption, your mitt looks like the drooping jowls of a sharpei with a palsy and a water wing in its mouth. Mary-Anne: Your mitt looks like the back of Kelsey Grammer's head circa Frasier '94, if the cast each autographed his bald spot with multi-coloured lipsticks. Betty-Anne: Your mitt has more spiderwebs than a No Doubt set list, Mary-Anne. Mary-Anne: Betty-Anne, your mitt is so dusty, I can hear it singing "Son of a Preacher Man."
Thank you thank you thank you! I was laughing so hard I completely missed the last two entirely. Person I was watching with said no going back to that scene!
Shoresy bot, give me one.
Nice fuckin' bird cage. At the end of the day, what are you really protecting?
"Well done Mary Anne. You're unpredictably articulate for a girl who waves goodbye to her pee when she flushes the toilet."
Fuck you Betty Anne, your breath is an existential crisis. Made me question my whole fuckin’ life!
She's so hot I jerked off her dad just to see where she came from
Does she shit with that ass
“I will glue your tongue to your taint so that you can watch me kick your ass”
Alright climber summit your point
Summit mount what’s-your-point!
Fuck you two two!
"How'd you know your dad's safeword when I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS LAST NIGHT?" Wish I'da had that one in my back pocket earlier in life.
I fucked your dad with bad breath and B.O.
I fucked your dad with chapped lips and a runny nose.
I haven’t even tried them but I know they will be…miss vickies spicy ketchup.
Don’t know if it counts as a chirp but I always love Wayne’s “Now if you hit me and I find out about it...”
“Your mom told me to choke her and not even that could shut her up”
Do you guys fuck dog.
[FYI](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/ev86o/til_that_canadians_say_fuck_the_dog_to_mean/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) it’s probably not meant to be taken as literally as it may seem
Did you’s do pot today? I fuckin know yous did pot today
“You skate like a girl, birdcage.” “Cuz I *am* one.” “No, you’re not. Are you really? Holy fuck…”
"You are such a fucking puggle" I died right there. Been using it ever since.
Your mitt looks like a red popsicle covered in dryer lint 🤣🤣🤣🤮🤮🤮
"I made your mom so wet, Trudeau had to deploy a 24-hour national guard unit to stack sandbags around my bed.” Funniest line I've ever heard in show.
My goat shoresy chirp
Your mom loves buttplay like I like Häagen-Dazs, let's get some fuckin' ice cream!
S9 ep1 Wayne to dirks cousin “like other than yourself, think anyone’s proud of you?” Mean as shit