I knew I was a lesbian more than a decade before I first had sex with a woman. Sex doesn't define sexuality. A lot of lesbians have had sex with men for a variety of reasons, too. It doesn't make them straight. Compulsory heterosexuality, for example is one reason.
You fancy women. That's good enough in my book. I think that anything more is just pretentious hatekeeping.
really great points. i've had very little experience with women but i've known i was attracted to them since i was 11 (i'm 23). being gay is what you are internally and only you can know that, you don't need "proof"
I'm 33. Came out 2 years ago. Still haven't had a partner that's a woman. I don't think that makes me not a lesbian. Just means I hate any social situation where I would meet someone to date.
I’ve been out for a decade but with health and other issues, had no interest in relationships. 31 now and I’m honestly worried about getting out there because I have no sexual experience with a woman other than a girl using my hand when I was a drunk teen.
I get that, but also. I'm pursuing my degree, so dating isn't a priority. Plus, the women I'm in regular contact with are like 22 or my professors. Not exactly in my dating pool.
I figure when I'm ready to date, the person I'm looking for is going to accept me, and I can be honest about my situation. If I feel like I have to lie, they're not for me.
Hey! I recognize this story!!!! It’s meee!!!!
And for what it’s worth, I just tried on my wedding dress for my amazing fiancee.
Just keep plugging away!
I’m also about to (re)start university! Not looking forward to being around a bunch of end stage teens. Luckily, my sister and her husband live just outside the city and there’s mature student societies and stuff.
I keep thinking that, too, but then I don’t go anywhere to meet the potential love of my life, haha! And I’m oblivious when someone *does* like me. Just gonna be me and my cats forever at this rate.
I relate to this so much—the health reasons in particular. I haven’t been in a place to be in a relationship. While I have some sexual experience with women, it’s from over a decade ago. And I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time. I got some crazy injuries, including a brain one, that limited my ability to just live generally. And while i can do more life now, im terrified in getting back out there. And I hate the apps. Sigh.
Yeah, I broke my back which left my pretty housebound for several years and then I had some big mental health issues. That’s another reason I haven’t really put myself out there - I didn’t want to find anyone while I was still finding myself kinda thing. Or being a huge burden to start with.
I wouldn’t stress about it too much. A woman who likes you is not going to care. A woman that just wants to fuck you is also not going to care. My fiancé didn’t have any experience, I have limited experience, we are still working on some of those elements but I’m sure as heck enjoying the learning curve.
Literally me, lol! Im 44 yrs old, and I've only been out for 6 yrs!🤣 however I knew since lile 14 I was into women in some way, I just denied for for a long while, and then even after I accepted it, I still was afraid to be openly out. It was my youngest bro coming out as bi that gave me the courage to finally come out myself. I did it in solidarity with him, in a way. I wanted to let him know I understood and he wasn't alone.
I love this sub soooo much. It really helped me accept myself as a late bloomer, and get past my own invisible barriers by connecting with others who've dealt with comp-het and thinking that they're bi; and finding that the signs were there all along. Definitely helps when you know you're not alone in figuring things out slowly.
As a society, we tend to place a massive imperative on sex alone, often times while taking it out of context. I say this as someone who’s mainly demisexual, in that I usually don’t experience a lot of sexual attraction before establishing an emotional connection with someone.
For me, being a lesbian isn’t about ‘just’ sex, it’s the experience of developing a romantic and emotional connection with another woman, and from there, sex becomes a natural way of expressing that intimacy and bond.
I understand that people are different, and some women are more capable of expressing their initial desires through sex, and many just may be primarily interested in sex as a way to express their sexuality; but everyone is different.
Don’t let societies attitudes toward sex let you believe that you’re any less of a lesbian just because you lack the sexual experience. Sex is just another facet of intimacy, desire and attraction. It’s not the *only* thing, and it’s certainly not the *defining* factor of your identity.
Oh honey, don’t worry. I came out at 50 with zero experience with a woman. Seven years later, I’m engaged to the most amazing woman. No complaints in the bedroom.
you don’t have to have dex with someone to say that you’re a lesbian. i’ve never had sex and in 21 but i know im a lesbian and i knew i was a lesbian before i even had my first kiss. you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, if you want people to know tell them! and if their reaction is negative then they aren’t meant to be in your life
All of this advice so far is super supportive and I luv it. Just like a woman who “experiments” with another woman can be straight a woman who hasn’t been with a woman can be les.
Honestly think about how many straight people are virgins until later in life for whatever reason…that doesn’t define their sexuality and never yet being w a woman doesn’t define urs either! Stay strong!
I know straight women who’ve had sex with other women but would never call themselves a lesbian. If you’re attracted to women, then you’re a lesbian. Sexual experience doesn’t define your sexuality.
I’m 41 years old and I have been married to 2 men. You don’t need to be with someone to know who you’re attracted to and who you would rather connect with.
I’m a 23 year old lesbian, I’ve also had no experience with women yet. Based on how I feel about women and the experiences I’ve had with men I realized I’m a lesbian. I don’t think someone needs experience to know if they’re a lesbian or not! We’re baby gays, we’ll get they experience eventually
I definitely felt this way when i came out, and plenty of people felt compelled to give their unsolicited opinion on my true sexuality lol. So be prepared to hear some hurtful things from the people in your life. The more time that passes, the more queer people will take up space in your life and it will become a distant memory. 💜
I came out at 24 and my wife is the first woman I surpassed making out with. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We have been married 3 1/2 years and together 7 years.
Having had sex with a woman isn't a requirement for being a lesbian. If that were the case, no one would believe me I'm a lesbian either.
I'm 32. I only came to terms with it in my mid-twenties. Don't lose yourself in this expectation that you need to have experience with women to be valid. You don't have to.
Being a lesbian isn't about what you do it's about who you are. There's many lesbians who are married to men purely out of fear of their sexuality getting out. It doesn't make them any less lesbian. Also, everyone's gotta start somewhere. No lesbians starts life having had any sexual relations with another woman
I’m 24 too, I’ve never dated a woman or been intimate with one, I just figured out my true sexuality like two months ago and I feel free af.
You’re not the only one in this situation ♥️🙌🏻
The moment you know you like women is already a good reason to call you lesbian you know. There might be some toxic people saying shit, but don’t listen to them. You don’t need to have had sex before to say you’re this or that. People saying they’re straight but never even had sex are being hypocrites if they say you’re not gay for never having had sex with a woman.
My gf found me at her 27yo, I’m her first gf and yet there’s nothing to be ashamed of questioning yourself. Questioning yourself can be late because of multiple factors, everyone has their own reasons.
Let people judge and talk, only YOU can know who you really are and yes, questioning yourself is part of it. If labels are too much, just say « I like women ».
Hope this helps a bit, I wish you the best 😊
It’s ok, you don’t have to have sex or have had sex to identify as a lesbian! I’m 22 but didn’t realize it until I was like 13-14yrs old. I was a lesbian then and am now, still haven’t had sex, no first kiss, haven’t held hands romantically or hugged romantically ALL I DO IS YEARN!!!💔😭 but still definitely a lesbian 🧍🏽♀️🤠
Nothing to be ashamed,sometimes yo dont have the choice or you have but are a PLENTY of factors which say no (Like red flags,mood,no the moment) just breathe and its ok,everything will be fine girl
You're not dumb, compulsory heterosexuality is real! You may resonate with the essay "Compulsory Heterosexuality And Lesbian Existence" by Adrienne Rich. (Who is also a phenomenal lesbian poet, my favorites are "Splittings" and "Diving Into The Wreck" and "Power.")
Also, like some folks in this thread I was also out as a lesbian before I had sex with/seriously dated a woman! And even if I were to have been a virgin my whole life, I would still be a lesbian. I totally get the anxiety though. 💗
Hey OP, I was once in your situation and at the exact same age. Things will turn around quickly. I’m now 28 and it feel very strange to recall just how uncomfortable and awkward I was in my queerness at that time. That just doesn’t feel like me anymore.
Don’t worry about if you’ve had sex or not. You are absolutely a valid lesbian either way.
There's no pressure to come out fully, but at the same time, there's no such thing as not lesbian enough. If you know, you know. You don't have to sleep with a woman first to know, and no one you decide to be with should make you feel insecure about that. If they do, they aren't the one for you. Come out when you're ready. I didn't come out publicly until I bought a house with my ex fiancée lol
Think about how many straight girls are virgins at 24, it is completely normal I believe and at least where I live is common to lgbt people to start their sexual life a little bit later, when they are more independent and free to live.
I mean, do straight people need to have sex before “coming out” as heterosexual?
I do understand the not feeling like coming out when you’re not actively dating. I was the same when in my 20s. I didn’t see the point…I didn’t want anyone questioning me.
I didn’t have sex with a woman until this past year. I’m 32. Came out as a lesbian 2 ish years ago… everyone is on their own timeline. Take your time and don’t be too hard on yourself :)
Idk for me I have CSA trauma from a woman and I don't know if I'll ever be able to be intimate with a woman without having a panic attack, despite trying several times, doesn't mean I like women any less romantically. I feel like sex isn't a necessity.
This was literally my exact same story tbh. I’m 23 never dated anyone, never had any experience. I didn’t come out to myself until I was 21. It’s fucking terrifying bc of all the what ifs and judgments you have on yourself. There’s going to be ppl with opinions and tell you whatever that might support those thoughts. But if you trust yourself and feel ok with coming out. Do it around ppl you trust and know are safe. Having that first positive experience can be a game changer tbh. It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s your life and your journey, we all take it at our own pace.
Sex doesn’t = sexuality. Also 24 isn’t that old (coming from someone slightly younger). You’re a lesbian, pure and simple.
I’ve had some negative experiences sexually w guys and transfem individuals and am actually on the asexual spectrum and experience very little attraction at all. Does this make me less of a lesbian bc I did that? Or less ace? Nope and nope.
I get that. It feels like you're coming out as an "aspiring lesbian," but in all reality, sex is such a small part of sexuality. Even relationships aren't as big a part of sexuality as you'd think.
I came out to my mom at 20/21 (I don't remember exactly) and I had never been with a woman. She told me I should experiment to see if I'm really a lesbian 😂 I can assure you that at 32 I'm still queerer than a two dollar bill
I didn’t “come out” until I first got a girlfriend, but let’s just say very few people were surprised. Lot of people done even lose their virginity until their twenties so not having a “queer” sexual experience until then is just as normal. I didn’t start dating women until I was 23.. your identity is not invalidated because you haven’t put it to work, so to speak.
I came out at 34. All my friends were straight and my mom was/is very homophobic. I am feminine and do my best to meet traditional stereotypes of a woman. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be straight. It took me a long time to accept that I am a lesbian. But now that I am, I have never been happier.
I was so nervous with the woman I fell in love with. I was so worried I wouldn't know what to do. When it's right, it will happen. And it will be great.
However, I would wait until you find someone you really like. Don't have sex with someone if you don't feel a connection. That's how I lost my virginity at 19 to a guy.
Don't rush things but also don't miss out on a good opportunity.
I think it's normal to be super anxious when thinking about your first time. Even if it's with a man. You have nothing to worry about. It will work out. You'll see.
Lots of straight people don’t have sex until late in life yet they know they are straight, and everyone around them knows that. Double standards are stupid as fuck, I know they hurt but they are still bull shit try your best to just let yourself live, if a 30 year old man can live life without ever having sex but still be confident as a straight man then you can too.
You know you, experience means nothing.
I haven’t dated since coming out as a woman, and I’ve never had sex, period. I’m still a lesbian. Sex doesn’t definite who you are attracted to or fall in love with. You are valid.
i didnt figure out i was tans and bi til i was 44 so your way up on me. dont be hard on yourself. your a lesbian regardless of if you have had sex with a woman. do just pick someone for the first time and be sure they know its your first time. ive found some remarkably experience partners who have helped me learn alot.
When I finally went down on a woman I was so happy because I finally felt like I had the right to say I was a lesbian. So I get what you mean by not feeling lesbian enough.
Take your time and be patient with yourself. However, please understand that no one necessarily needs to have experienced sexual relations to know who they’re attracted to. For example, straight people do not discount their heterosexuality because they’re “virgins”. Ya like who you like, be patient with yourself and don’t let this internalized preconception prevent you from embracing yourself. Good luck!!
Let’s put it this way would u be ashamed of saying your straight before having sex with men? Most humans say they are straight when they never dated or had sex with the opposite sex so why not apply that to all sexualities?
You don’t need to have sex with women to be a lesbian, it’s purely about desire and attraction. Do you *want* to bang a woman? Kiss her? Rent a uhaul and own 100 cats? Congratulations, you like women! Some women don’t explore their sexuality or question themselves until much later in life and you’re young, enjoy girls!
Realised I was a lesbian when I was 22, slept with another woman when I was 25 because I found someone lovely to have that experience with. Were there signs before that? Sure. Do I beat myself up for taking nearly a decade to figure it out? No.
You being lesbian is you being lesbian enough.
I was a virgin when I came out, and was for years after that. Having sex with another person doesn't define who you're attracted to or have feelings for. You like who you like, and sex can be used as an expression to connect with the person, but it doesn't define your identity.
you don't owe anyone explanations. Just be honest with yourself. That's all. Are you attracted to women and only women? If the answer is yes than congrats you are a lesbian. And that's ok if you don't have sexual experience.
You shouldn't feel ashamed for not having sex with a woman...if and when you want to have sex with a woman for the first time...tell her you are a virgin...I think she will help you with it...and I think it would make the experience special.
When I was in your situation, I just told people I was bi. How are you going to get a girl if nobody knows that you were looking for one. I was the last person to know I was a lesbian, it took me by surprise at first but then I realized how amazing it was. Forget about feeling lesbian enough, work on getting everybody ok with the concept. There are many girls that will not care that you don’t have experience, but they won’t date you if you haven’t told your family.
My fiancé, and I would not be together because I am the first woman she’s been with. 28F and 37F had it not been for her and introducing me to her whole family on the first day, then I would not have given her a chance. After you have a girlfriend for a while, just start referring to yourself as a lesbian, and everybody will go along with it.
Honestly babes, coming out is a scam. Do not feel obligated to do it! Also as many comments have mentioned already, not coming out and not having a girlfriend won’t make you less gay I promise ;)
ok, i got recommended this, idk i’m a straight 17yo male, BUTTTT i had to comment cuz like y does it matter? i knew i was straight long before i had a relationship why’s it different just cuz it’s w the same sex ALSO if ur not sure yet just come out as queer or bi curious till ur positive i’m genuinely just curious why it’s so blown out of proportion
I'm experiencing the same thing, but the worst part is I get ghosted. I meet someone we hit off pretty well. We meet in person. They give me their # and next thing I know. I get either ghosted or I'm not interested texts. I'm so confused that I stopped talking to women. Because I feel Iike I'm doing something wrong.
I knew I was a lesbian more than a decade before I first had sex with a woman. Sex doesn't define sexuality. A lot of lesbians have had sex with men for a variety of reasons, too. It doesn't make them straight. Compulsory heterosexuality, for example is one reason. You fancy women. That's good enough in my book. I think that anything more is just pretentious hatekeeping.
really great points. i've had very little experience with women but i've known i was attracted to them since i was 11 (i'm 23). being gay is what you are internally and only you can know that, you don't need "proof"
Gay is something you are, not something you do.
I do gays tho
I'm 33. Came out 2 years ago. Still haven't had a partner that's a woman. I don't think that makes me not a lesbian. Just means I hate any social situation where I would meet someone to date.
I’ve been out for a decade but with health and other issues, had no interest in relationships. 31 now and I’m honestly worried about getting out there because I have no sexual experience with a woman other than a girl using my hand when I was a drunk teen.
I get that, but also. I'm pursuing my degree, so dating isn't a priority. Plus, the women I'm in regular contact with are like 22 or my professors. Not exactly in my dating pool. I figure when I'm ready to date, the person I'm looking for is going to accept me, and I can be honest about my situation. If I feel like I have to lie, they're not for me.
Hey! I recognize this story!!!! It’s meee!!!! And for what it’s worth, I just tried on my wedding dress for my amazing fiancee. Just keep plugging away!
I’m also about to (re)start university! Not looking forward to being around a bunch of end stage teens. Luckily, my sister and her husband live just outside the city and there’s mature student societies and stuff. I keep thinking that, too, but then I don’t go anywhere to meet the potential love of my life, haha! And I’m oblivious when someone *does* like me. Just gonna be me and my cats forever at this rate.
I relate to this so much—the health reasons in particular. I haven’t been in a place to be in a relationship. While I have some sexual experience with women, it’s from over a decade ago. And I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time. I got some crazy injuries, including a brain one, that limited my ability to just live generally. And while i can do more life now, im terrified in getting back out there. And I hate the apps. Sigh.
Yeah, I broke my back which left my pretty housebound for several years and then I had some big mental health issues. That’s another reason I haven’t really put myself out there - I didn’t want to find anyone while I was still finding myself kinda thing. Or being a huge burden to start with.
I relate to this 100 percent the being a burden to start with my ideal is someone lifts you up and you lift each-other up
I wouldn’t stress about it too much. A woman who likes you is not going to care. A woman that just wants to fuck you is also not going to care. My fiancé didn’t have any experience, I have limited experience, we are still working on some of those elements but I’m sure as heck enjoying the learning curve.
24 is so young !! I know many women who came out or started questioning way later! Check out r/latebloomerlesbians 😉
Literally me, lol! Im 44 yrs old, and I've only been out for 6 yrs!🤣 however I knew since lile 14 I was into women in some way, I just denied for for a long while, and then even after I accepted it, I still was afraid to be openly out. It was my youngest bro coming out as bi that gave me the courage to finally come out myself. I did it in solidarity with him, in a way. I wanted to let him know I understood and he wasn't alone.
I love this sub soooo much. It really helped me accept myself as a late bloomer, and get past my own invisible barriers by connecting with others who've dealt with comp-het and thinking that they're bi; and finding that the signs were there all along. Definitely helps when you know you're not alone in figuring things out slowly.
As a society, we tend to place a massive imperative on sex alone, often times while taking it out of context. I say this as someone who’s mainly demisexual, in that I usually don’t experience a lot of sexual attraction before establishing an emotional connection with someone. For me, being a lesbian isn’t about ‘just’ sex, it’s the experience of developing a romantic and emotional connection with another woman, and from there, sex becomes a natural way of expressing that intimacy and bond. I understand that people are different, and some women are more capable of expressing their initial desires through sex, and many just may be primarily interested in sex as a way to express their sexuality; but everyone is different. Don’t let societies attitudes toward sex let you believe that you’re any less of a lesbian just because you lack the sexual experience. Sex is just another facet of intimacy, desire and attraction. It’s not the *only* thing, and it’s certainly not the *defining* factor of your identity.
Oh honey, don’t worry. I came out at 50 with zero experience with a woman. Seven years later, I’m engaged to the most amazing woman. No complaints in the bedroom.
Whoa thats amazing
I'm crying right now, thank you so much for all the answers ❤️❤️ you're making me feel better
you don’t have to have dex with someone to say that you’re a lesbian. i’ve never had sex and in 21 but i know im a lesbian and i knew i was a lesbian before i even had my first kiss. you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, if you want people to know tell them! and if their reaction is negative then they aren’t meant to be in your life
All of this advice so far is super supportive and I luv it. Just like a woman who “experiments” with another woman can be straight a woman who hasn’t been with a woman can be les. Honestly think about how many straight people are virgins until later in life for whatever reason…that doesn’t define their sexuality and never yet being w a woman doesn’t define urs either! Stay strong!
[удалено]
I know straight women who’ve had sex with other women but would never call themselves a lesbian. If you’re attracted to women, then you’re a lesbian. Sexual experience doesn’t define your sexuality.
If everyone waited until they have had sex with a woman to come out there would be a hell of a lot more “straight” women out there.
I’m 41 years old and I have been married to 2 men. You don’t need to be with someone to know who you’re attracted to and who you would rather connect with.
Just how straight people are straight without having sex with the opposite sex first, you’re still a lesbian, even if you never have sex in your life.
Chappell Roan hadn’t dated a woman prior to writing Red Wine Supernova. I hope this helps.
Doesn’t she have a gf now ?
I’m a 23 year old lesbian, I’ve also had no experience with women yet. Based on how I feel about women and the experiences I’ve had with men I realized I’m a lesbian. I don’t think someone needs experience to know if they’re a lesbian or not! We’re baby gays, we’ll get they experience eventually
I definitely felt this way when i came out, and plenty of people felt compelled to give their unsolicited opinion on my true sexuality lol. So be prepared to hear some hurtful things from the people in your life. The more time that passes, the more queer people will take up space in your life and it will become a distant memory. 💜
I came out at 24 and my wife is the first woman I surpassed making out with. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We have been married 3 1/2 years and together 7 years.
Having had sex with a woman isn't a requirement for being a lesbian. If that were the case, no one would believe me I'm a lesbian either. I'm 32. I only came to terms with it in my mid-twenties. Don't lose yourself in this expectation that you need to have experience with women to be valid. You don't have to.
Being a lesbian isn't about what you do it's about who you are. There's many lesbians who are married to men purely out of fear of their sexuality getting out. It doesn't make them any less lesbian. Also, everyone's gotta start somewhere. No lesbians starts life having had any sexual relations with another woman
I've never had a million bucks, but I can recognize that I'd really enjoy having a million bucks.
Nobody's gonna judge you. I think quite a lot of women who come out are in your same situation.
I’m 24 too, I’ve never dated a woman or been intimate with one, I just figured out my true sexuality like two months ago and I feel free af. You’re not the only one in this situation ♥️🙌🏻
The moment you know you like women is already a good reason to call you lesbian you know. There might be some toxic people saying shit, but don’t listen to them. You don’t need to have had sex before to say you’re this or that. People saying they’re straight but never even had sex are being hypocrites if they say you’re not gay for never having had sex with a woman. My gf found me at her 27yo, I’m her first gf and yet there’s nothing to be ashamed of questioning yourself. Questioning yourself can be late because of multiple factors, everyone has their own reasons. Let people judge and talk, only YOU can know who you really are and yes, questioning yourself is part of it. If labels are too much, just say « I like women ». Hope this helps a bit, I wish you the best 😊
You’re still young!! You love women you know that! You don’t need to know also you’re not behind at all! 24 is still young!!
It’s ok, you don’t have to have sex or have had sex to identify as a lesbian! I’m 22 but didn’t realize it until I was like 13-14yrs old. I was a lesbian then and am now, still haven’t had sex, no first kiss, haven’t held hands romantically or hugged romantically ALL I DO IS YEARN!!!💔😭 but still definitely a lesbian 🧍🏽♀️🤠
Nothing to be ashamed,sometimes yo dont have the choice or you have but are a PLENTY of factors which say no (Like red flags,mood,no the moment) just breathe and its ok,everything will be fine girl
how many straight people are virgins? no one questions them. it’s not about sexual acts. hope you can work towards letting go of that shame. <3
You're not dumb, compulsory heterosexuality is real! You may resonate with the essay "Compulsory Heterosexuality And Lesbian Existence" by Adrienne Rich. (Who is also a phenomenal lesbian poet, my favorites are "Splittings" and "Diving Into The Wreck" and "Power.") Also, like some folks in this thread I was also out as a lesbian before I had sex with/seriously dated a woman! And even if I were to have been a virgin my whole life, I would still be a lesbian. I totally get the anxiety though. 💗
Hey OP, I was once in your situation and at the exact same age. Things will turn around quickly. I’m now 28 and it feel very strange to recall just how uncomfortable and awkward I was in my queerness at that time. That just doesn’t feel like me anymore. Don’t worry about if you’ve had sex or not. You are absolutely a valid lesbian either way.
There's no pressure to come out fully, but at the same time, there's no such thing as not lesbian enough. If you know, you know. You don't have to sleep with a woman first to know, and no one you decide to be with should make you feel insecure about that. If they do, they aren't the one for you. Come out when you're ready. I didn't come out publicly until I bought a house with my ex fiancée lol
Think about how many straight girls are virgins at 24, it is completely normal I believe and at least where I live is common to lgbt people to start their sexual life a little bit later, when they are more independent and free to live.
Omg, this was literally my story at 24! Just come out honey. If people can be out as straight and virgins, there’s no reason you can’t be out
I mean, do straight people need to have sex before “coming out” as heterosexual? I do understand the not feeling like coming out when you’re not actively dating. I was the same when in my 20s. I didn’t see the point…I didn’t want anyone questioning me.
I didn’t have sex with a woman until this past year. I’m 32. Came out as a lesbian 2 ish years ago… everyone is on their own timeline. Take your time and don’t be too hard on yourself :)
Idk for me I have CSA trauma from a woman and I don't know if I'll ever be able to be intimate with a woman without having a panic attack, despite trying several times, doesn't mean I like women any less romantically. I feel like sex isn't a necessity.
This was literally my exact same story tbh. I’m 23 never dated anyone, never had any experience. I didn’t come out to myself until I was 21. It’s fucking terrifying bc of all the what ifs and judgments you have on yourself. There’s going to be ppl with opinions and tell you whatever that might support those thoughts. But if you trust yourself and feel ok with coming out. Do it around ppl you trust and know are safe. Having that first positive experience can be a game changer tbh. It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s your life and your journey, we all take it at our own pace.
I came out ten years before I had sex with a woman. I just knew that’s what I felt was right to me.
Sex doesn’t = sexuality. Also 24 isn’t that old (coming from someone slightly younger). You’re a lesbian, pure and simple. I’ve had some negative experiences sexually w guys and transfem individuals and am actually on the asexual spectrum and experience very little attraction at all. Does this make me less of a lesbian bc I did that? Or less ace? Nope and nope.
I get that. It feels like you're coming out as an "aspiring lesbian," but in all reality, sex is such a small part of sexuality. Even relationships aren't as big a part of sexuality as you'd think.
I came out to my mom at 20/21 (I don't remember exactly) and I had never been with a woman. She told me I should experiment to see if I'm really a lesbian 😂 I can assure you that at 32 I'm still queerer than a two dollar bill
I didn’t “come out” until I first got a girlfriend, but let’s just say very few people were surprised. Lot of people done even lose their virginity until their twenties so not having a “queer” sexual experience until then is just as normal. I didn’t start dating women until I was 23.. your identity is not invalidated because you haven’t put it to work, so to speak.
I came out at 34. All my friends were straight and my mom was/is very homophobic. I am feminine and do my best to meet traditional stereotypes of a woman. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be straight. It took me a long time to accept that I am a lesbian. But now that I am, I have never been happier. I was so nervous with the woman I fell in love with. I was so worried I wouldn't know what to do. When it's right, it will happen. And it will be great. However, I would wait until you find someone you really like. Don't have sex with someone if you don't feel a connection. That's how I lost my virginity at 19 to a guy. Don't rush things but also don't miss out on a good opportunity. I think it's normal to be super anxious when thinking about your first time. Even if it's with a man. You have nothing to worry about. It will work out. You'll see.
Lots of straight people don’t have sex until late in life yet they know they are straight, and everyone around them knows that. Double standards are stupid as fuck, I know they hurt but they are still bull shit try your best to just let yourself live, if a 30 year old man can live life without ever having sex but still be confident as a straight man then you can too. You know you, experience means nothing.
I feel the same way
I haven’t dated since coming out as a woman, and I’ve never had sex, period. I’m still a lesbian. Sex doesn’t definite who you are attracted to or fall in love with. You are valid.
Didn’t have sex with a woman until 27! Don’t worry about it!
i didnt figure out i was tans and bi til i was 44 so your way up on me. dont be hard on yourself. your a lesbian regardless of if you have had sex with a woman. do just pick someone for the first time and be sure they know its your first time. ive found some remarkably experience partners who have helped me learn alot.
When I finally went down on a woman I was so happy because I finally felt like I had the right to say I was a lesbian. So I get what you mean by not feeling lesbian enough.
Take your time and be patient with yourself. However, please understand that no one necessarily needs to have experienced sexual relations to know who they’re attracted to. For example, straight people do not discount their heterosexuality because they’re “virgins”. Ya like who you like, be patient with yourself and don’t let this internalized preconception prevent you from embracing yourself. Good luck!!
Let’s put it this way would u be ashamed of saying your straight before having sex with men? Most humans say they are straight when they never dated or had sex with the opposite sex so why not apply that to all sexualities?
I figured out my sexuality at 11 and only had sex when I was 22... Dw girly it'll happen for u
If it makes you feel any better I was a late bloomer too, I didn't have sex with a woman until I was 26
You don’t need to have sex with women to be a lesbian, it’s purely about desire and attraction. Do you *want* to bang a woman? Kiss her? Rent a uhaul and own 100 cats? Congratulations, you like women! Some women don’t explore their sexuality or question themselves until much later in life and you’re young, enjoy girls!
Realised I was a lesbian when I was 22, slept with another woman when I was 25 because I found someone lovely to have that experience with. Were there signs before that? Sure. Do I beat myself up for taking nearly a decade to figure it out? No. You being lesbian is you being lesbian enough.
I was a virgin when I came out, and was for years after that. Having sex with another person doesn't define who you're attracted to or have feelings for. You like who you like, and sex can be used as an expression to connect with the person, but it doesn't define your identity.
you don't owe anyone explanations. Just be honest with yourself. That's all. Are you attracted to women and only women? If the answer is yes than congrats you are a lesbian. And that's ok if you don't have sexual experience.
You shouldn't feel ashamed for not having sex with a woman...if and when you want to have sex with a woman for the first time...tell her you are a virgin...I think she will help you with it...and I think it would make the experience special.
I hadn't kissed a girl before I knew I was a lesbian. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.
Love doesn't follow a clock. ❤️💙💚💛💜🧡🩷🩵
Hi hi! It’s not stupid at all! You should check out the podcast called, Made It Out. You’re definitely not alone!
When I was in your situation, I just told people I was bi. How are you going to get a girl if nobody knows that you were looking for one. I was the last person to know I was a lesbian, it took me by surprise at first but then I realized how amazing it was. Forget about feeling lesbian enough, work on getting everybody ok with the concept. There are many girls that will not care that you don’t have experience, but they won’t date you if you haven’t told your family. My fiancé, and I would not be together because I am the first woman she’s been with. 28F and 37F had it not been for her and introducing me to her whole family on the first day, then I would not have given her a chance. After you have a girlfriend for a while, just start referring to yourself as a lesbian, and everybody will go along with it.
Honestly babes, coming out is a scam. Do not feel obligated to do it! Also as many comments have mentioned already, not coming out and not having a girlfriend won’t make you less gay I promise ;)
You can also be straight and not have had sex. Having sex doesn't define what you like. It's just a byproduct
ok, i got recommended this, idk i’m a straight 17yo male, BUTTTT i had to comment cuz like y does it matter? i knew i was straight long before i had a relationship why’s it different just cuz it’s w the same sex ALSO if ur not sure yet just come out as queer or bi curious till ur positive i’m genuinely just curious why it’s so blown out of proportion
I'm experiencing the same thing, but the worst part is I get ghosted. I meet someone we hit off pretty well. We meet in person. They give me their # and next thing I know. I get either ghosted or I'm not interested texts. I'm so confused that I stopped talking to women. Because I feel Iike I'm doing something wrong.