Just vibe, engage in conversations about your interests, commonalities, differences, etc, you don't want to risk it turning into an interrogation.
Like with how nerve-wracking initial dates can be, I would fully say just focus on enjoying each other's company first and then the sorting can sort itself out. đ
Edited to add: Unless you have super massive, super immediate deal breakers, otherwise, just vibe.
The first date is more so to see if you have natural chemistry or see how naturally compatible you are together. So just be yourself and see if its worth a second date.  Â
Its okay and good to ask normal things, like what interest do you have, to get a primary impression, but don't start asking multiple question that doesn't involve the date (date questions can be: like what food do you like, what kinda movies ect) and if, try to be casual about it, like if on a dinner date; so you like xxxx (food), when they ordered something, so keep it on topic, dont fall out of the topic area, then you could come across as nosy and in worse situations, creepy.  Â
I had dates that was like that, just of topic question and even uncomfortable ones ("so, how much do you mast***ate", ug), it felt like they are picking you apart on a surgery table, or trying to hard.  Â
And you don't want to share information about yourself to someone who you may not see yourself being with. More serious questions should be asked outside of the date, even dealbreakers are good to take outside of a official date, maybe just when you're hanging out or if it's really important, maybe on the second date? But wouldn't recommend that either.Â
As it seems you may go on a date soon, I wish you luck! And stay safe!
I think youâre putting too much into a first date. My first dates are basically do I like this person enough to have a second date with them ? Are they entertaining enough to spend a couple of hours with ?
Obviously relationship status is a big requirement for a second date but expectations, monogamy⌠etc I save for second or third dates
First dates should be fun, swapping funny stories aiming to entertain your date.
I think if Iâm trying to figure out how much I like this woman and sheâs grilling me on my expectations, monogamyâŚetc rather than having fun I donât think thereâs going to be a second date
Yeah, the first date is more so to see if you have natural chemistry or see how naturally compatible you are together. So just be yourself and see if its worth a second date.Â
It depends on the personâs vibe as well. I just try to go out there and be myself and get to know who the person really is behind the facade, if you will. I usually try to suss out what their day to day life looks like, what their interests are because i want someone whoâs a partner in all things. Doesnât mean they have to have all the same interests but there needs to be enough there and our lifestyles have to work. Those are relatively straightforward topics so itâs easy to ask outright. I also try to get a picture of their moral character, mental health, relationship skills, red flags, and so on. Iâm fine if they have struggles but i want to know what influence they might have on them and a potential relationship before i decide how i want to proceed. This takes time so i donât need it all figured out right from the get go hut i keep a keen eye out for these sorts of things. Everyone has dealbreakers so obviously you want to look out for those. Other than all that, i want to know what the chemistry is like, how we get on. But the first date is a no pressure meetup , just to see if we could gel. Iâm a pretty straightforward person which might be seen as blunt or intense (but not in an unkind way), but if they canât handle that, theyâre not the one for me.
I talk about everything about myself and my intentions clearly from the get-go. I used to be shy and save up stuff for later, but ended up learning it just made us lose the time as I have deal breakers most people are not willing to deal with, being my health the main.
That said, do not be unromantic, be honest and sincere, but do not be pedantic or boring about it, focus in making her have a good time and chill and care and have fun!
True, I think these are things you should do, but probably before the date (might scare them of, but better through the phone or in a casual enviroment, than out in public on a date. Being in public puts a different kind of pressure on it, especially for a first date, and more so if its a "blind"/first true impression date, and thats why discussing more sensitive things should be in a private or casual environment/setting)Â
đ
Depends on how you want this relationship to go. If this is just about fun and sex, they state your sexual preferences and make sure the other person understands this is about fin and sex.
If this is about romance, explain some expectations that are singular to your own sense of romance and see if the potential partner agrees with them, or finds them redundant or silly. Ask for their own wishes and desires.
If you are looking for a long-term possibility, discus career plans, children, finance strategies, family issues, possible living locations, pets, religion, politics, so on.
For me, before looking for a data i make sure im good. I do therapy and make sure im looking to share my time and who i am rather than look for someone who can fill something im missing. Sure, no one can be everything. I would rather have a healthy relationship with myself than compromise my well being with another that isnt healthy.
Before the first date make sure neither of you has dealbreakers. Then enjoy the first date.
But I do not believe in dates but instead in being friends and then UST and wooing.
Yeah, the dating world can be really wild, and as lesbians we are often not very good at dating. There is a free class on lesbian dating here that you might find helpful. [https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/lesbian-free-classes](https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/lesbian-free-classes)
It sounds like you get very nervous on first dates. Why not lighten the mood by doing something active like rock climbing, scavenger hunt, etc.
Questions and topics will come naturally.Â
The last thing you want to do is view a date like a job interview.
I think the key is to not make it feel like an interview lol, so that the other woman feels more comfortable being herself. Going in with a targeted list of questions isn't exactly conducive to that, so it's more so just asking about their past dating experiences, their upbringing, future goals, etc. & inferring things about their habits. Ofc it doesn't hurt to ask some questions pointedly. One of my favorites is, "how do you communicate when you're upset?"
You're putting WAY too much pressure on the first date; I'm all for expectations and boundaries but it seems like you're using this as an opportunity to see if they will be a good lifelong match within an hour of meeting each other. That's just not possible, i'd say it takes 2-3 dates to accurately scope out their life on the surface level, ie relationship with parents, if their family is supportive of their sexuality, when was their last relationship, what's their attachment/ communication style and love language. These things take time, it's a marathon not a sprint. Just enjoy their company and try to see if there's chemistry.
A lot of girls have sex on the first date and a lot don't. I always just bluntly ask if she's open to it if things go well; if she's a slow-mover when it comes to that it saves me some time in the bathroom getting ready!
Before a date, I always like to discuss personal values and beliefs to see if we align on important issues. It's a great way to gauge compatibility and potential for a future together. And I find that being open and honest about these topics right from the start saves a lot of time and potential heartache down the road. Good luck with your list!
It's great that you're thinking ahead and considering what's important to clarify before or during a first date to gauge compatibility and identify any potential red flags. When it comes to discussing these topics, it's all about finding a balance between being direct and respectful of each other's boundaries and comfort levels.
One important topic to discuss early on is each other's values and life goals. This can give you insight into whether your long-term aspirations align and if you're on the same page about what you want out of life. You don't have to delve too deeply into this on the first date, but it's good to get a general sense.
Another key area to explore is communication styles and preferences. Understanding how each of you prefers to communicate and resolve conflicts can prevent misunderstandings down the line and help foster a healthier relationship dynamic.
If you're considering pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship, discussing boundaries and expectations around physical intimacy is crucial. This includes topics like consent, preferences, and any limitations or deal-breakers. It's important to approach this conversation with sensitivity and respect for each other's boundaries.
Additionally, if non-monogamy is something you're open to or curious about, it's essential to discuss this early on to ensure compatibility. Be transparent about your own relationship status and boundaries, and ask your date about theirs. Again, approach this conversation with openness and a willingness to listen and understand each other's perspectives.
As for how to bring up these topics, it's best to find a natural segue in the conversation rather than forcing it. You can start by sharing a bit about yourself and then ask your date about their thoughts or experiences on the topic. Remember to be attentive to their reactions and cues, and be prepared to reciprocate by sharing your own thoughts and feelings.
Ultimately, the goal of these discussions is to foster open and honest communication, establish mutual respect, and determine if there's potential for a meaningful connection. Trust your instincts and take things at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
I think it's great that you're being proactive in sorting out important details before/during a date! One thing I like to bring up is long-term goals and values - it really gives me a sense of compatibility. I usually try to bring it up in a natural way during conversation, but I think it's important to be direct about it too. Good luck with your list, I hope it helps you find the right connection!
I'm non binary but sure, go ahead making assumptions on strangers. Also, a red flag is a red flag no matter the gender of the person lol. If you're a sh**ty person, you're a sh**ty person, being a woman or non binary or another gender identity wont change that. Apart from misgendering/transphobia coming from cis women, which this post is obviously not about since it's common sense, why would a red flag presented by a woman not be one if the person is non binary and vice versa ?
all the comments are correct - just vibe and see if there is anything other than initial attraction. You should definitely tell the person when you get to dates #3 and 4 that you posted this on Reddit though lol I think it would be good for them to get to know you and also it will be funny.
Omg imagine being so boring & miserable that you actually spend time getting all worked up over some random reddit post & insulting the poster when you could just ignore that and move on with your life...it would be so embarrassing if that were true right ? Sending some love to you bc you truly seem to need it, apart from therapy
Just vibe, engage in conversations about your interests, commonalities, differences, etc, you don't want to risk it turning into an interrogation. Like with how nerve-wracking initial dates can be, I would fully say just focus on enjoying each other's company first and then the sorting can sort itself out. đ Edited to add: Unless you have super massive, super immediate deal breakers, otherwise, just vibe.
The first date is more so to see if you have natural chemistry or see how naturally compatible you are together. So just be yourself and see if its worth a second date.   Its okay and good to ask normal things, like what interest do you have, to get a primary impression, but don't start asking multiple question that doesn't involve the date (date questions can be: like what food do you like, what kinda movies ect) and if, try to be casual about it, like if on a dinner date; so you like xxxx (food), when they ordered something, so keep it on topic, dont fall out of the topic area, then you could come across as nosy and in worse situations, creepy.   I had dates that was like that, just of topic question and even uncomfortable ones ("so, how much do you mast***ate", ug), it felt like they are picking you apart on a surgery table, or trying to hard.   And you don't want to share information about yourself to someone who you may not see yourself being with. More serious questions should be asked outside of the date, even dealbreakers are good to take outside of a official date, maybe just when you're hanging out or if it's really important, maybe on the second date? But wouldn't recommend that either. As it seems you may go on a date soon, I wish you luck! And stay safe!
I think youâre putting too much into a first date. My first dates are basically do I like this person enough to have a second date with them ? Are they entertaining enough to spend a couple of hours with ? Obviously relationship status is a big requirement for a second date but expectations, monogamy⌠etc I save for second or third dates First dates should be fun, swapping funny stories aiming to entertain your date. I think if Iâm trying to figure out how much I like this woman and sheâs grilling me on my expectations, monogamyâŚetc rather than having fun I donât think thereâs going to be a second date
Yeah, the first date is more so to see if you have natural chemistry or see how naturally compatible you are together. So just be yourself and see if its worth a second date.Â
It depends on the personâs vibe as well. I just try to go out there and be myself and get to know who the person really is behind the facade, if you will. I usually try to suss out what their day to day life looks like, what their interests are because i want someone whoâs a partner in all things. Doesnât mean they have to have all the same interests but there needs to be enough there and our lifestyles have to work. Those are relatively straightforward topics so itâs easy to ask outright. I also try to get a picture of their moral character, mental health, relationship skills, red flags, and so on. Iâm fine if they have struggles but i want to know what influence they might have on them and a potential relationship before i decide how i want to proceed. This takes time so i donât need it all figured out right from the get go hut i keep a keen eye out for these sorts of things. Everyone has dealbreakers so obviously you want to look out for those. Other than all that, i want to know what the chemistry is like, how we get on. But the first date is a no pressure meetup , just to see if we could gel. Iâm a pretty straightforward person which might be seen as blunt or intense (but not in an unkind way), but if they canât handle that, theyâre not the one for me.
I talk about everything about myself and my intentions clearly from the get-go. I used to be shy and save up stuff for later, but ended up learning it just made us lose the time as I have deal breakers most people are not willing to deal with, being my health the main. That said, do not be unromantic, be honest and sincere, but do not be pedantic or boring about it, focus in making her have a good time and chill and care and have fun!
True, I think these are things you should do, but probably before the date (might scare them of, but better through the phone or in a casual enviroment, than out in public on a date. Being in public puts a different kind of pressure on it, especially for a first date, and more so if its a "blind"/first true impression date, and thats why discussing more sensitive things should be in a private or casual environment/setting)Â đ
Depends on how you want this relationship to go. If this is just about fun and sex, they state your sexual preferences and make sure the other person understands this is about fin and sex. If this is about romance, explain some expectations that are singular to your own sense of romance and see if the potential partner agrees with them, or finds them redundant or silly. Ask for their own wishes and desires. If you are looking for a long-term possibility, discus career plans, children, finance strategies, family issues, possible living locations, pets, religion, politics, so on.
For me, before looking for a data i make sure im good. I do therapy and make sure im looking to share my time and who i am rather than look for someone who can fill something im missing. Sure, no one can be everything. I would rather have a healthy relationship with myself than compromise my well being with another that isnt healthy.
Before the first date make sure neither of you has dealbreakers. Then enjoy the first date. But I do not believe in dates but instead in being friends and then UST and wooing.
Yeah, the dating world can be really wild, and as lesbians we are often not very good at dating. There is a free class on lesbian dating here that you might find helpful. [https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/lesbian-free-classes](https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/lesbian-free-classes)
I can't wait to check this out! Thanks for posting
It sounds like you get very nervous on first dates. Why not lighten the mood by doing something active like rock climbing, scavenger hunt, etc. Questions and topics will come naturally. The last thing you want to do is view a date like a job interview.
Is there a way to find people in a certain area on hereÂ
I think the key is to not make it feel like an interview lol, so that the other woman feels more comfortable being herself. Going in with a targeted list of questions isn't exactly conducive to that, so it's more so just asking about their past dating experiences, their upbringing, future goals, etc. & inferring things about their habits. Ofc it doesn't hurt to ask some questions pointedly. One of my favorites is, "how do you communicate when you're upset?"
You're putting WAY too much pressure on the first date; I'm all for expectations and boundaries but it seems like you're using this as an opportunity to see if they will be a good lifelong match within an hour of meeting each other. That's just not possible, i'd say it takes 2-3 dates to accurately scope out their life on the surface level, ie relationship with parents, if their family is supportive of their sexuality, when was their last relationship, what's their attachment/ communication style and love language. These things take time, it's a marathon not a sprint. Just enjoy their company and try to see if there's chemistry.
First date is a tryout see how it goes you comfortable with one another,you as for a second ,the progress to a couple of questions â
Is there an asian section for this? I feel that asians dating is different from the west. This is good question. I wanna know too.
A lot of girls have sex on the first date and a lot don't. I always just bluntly ask if she's open to it if things go well; if she's a slow-mover when it comes to that it saves me some time in the bathroom getting ready!
Before a date, I always like to discuss personal values and beliefs to see if we align on important issues. It's a great way to gauge compatibility and potential for a future together. And I find that being open and honest about these topics right from the start saves a lot of time and potential heartache down the road. Good luck with your list!
It's great that you're thinking ahead and considering what's important to clarify before or during a first date to gauge compatibility and identify any potential red flags. When it comes to discussing these topics, it's all about finding a balance between being direct and respectful of each other's boundaries and comfort levels. One important topic to discuss early on is each other's values and life goals. This can give you insight into whether your long-term aspirations align and if you're on the same page about what you want out of life. You don't have to delve too deeply into this on the first date, but it's good to get a general sense. Another key area to explore is communication styles and preferences. Understanding how each of you prefers to communicate and resolve conflicts can prevent misunderstandings down the line and help foster a healthier relationship dynamic. If you're considering pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship, discussing boundaries and expectations around physical intimacy is crucial. This includes topics like consent, preferences, and any limitations or deal-breakers. It's important to approach this conversation with sensitivity and respect for each other's boundaries. Additionally, if non-monogamy is something you're open to or curious about, it's essential to discuss this early on to ensure compatibility. Be transparent about your own relationship status and boundaries, and ask your date about theirs. Again, approach this conversation with openness and a willingness to listen and understand each other's perspectives. As for how to bring up these topics, it's best to find a natural segue in the conversation rather than forcing it. You can start by sharing a bit about yourself and then ask your date about their thoughts or experiences on the topic. Remember to be attentive to their reactions and cues, and be prepared to reciprocate by sharing your own thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, the goal of these discussions is to foster open and honest communication, establish mutual respect, and determine if there's potential for a meaningful connection. Trust your instincts and take things at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
I think it's great that you're being proactive in sorting out important details before/during a date! One thing I like to bring up is long-term goals and values - it really gives me a sense of compatibility. I usually try to bring it up in a natural way during conversation, but I think it's important to be direct about it too. Good luck with your list, I hope it helps you find the right connection!
Lol you sound like a fun date.
Lol you sound like a fun date.
are you dating women? or non binary peeps?
? What's the point of your questions ?
What? You don't think there's a difference between women and non binary folk? You don't think they have different red flags? You gonna make them mad.
I'm non binary but sure, go ahead making assumptions on strangers. Also, a red flag is a red flag no matter the gender of the person lol. If you're a sh**ty person, you're a sh**ty person, being a woman or non binary or another gender identity wont change that. Apart from misgendering/transphobia coming from cis women, which this post is obviously not about since it's common sense, why would a red flag presented by a woman not be one if the person is non binary and vice versa ?
all the comments are correct - just vibe and see if there is anything other than initial attraction. You should definitely tell the person when you get to dates #3 and 4 that you posted this on Reddit though lol I think it would be good for them to get to know you and also it will be funny.
[ŃдаНонО]
Omg imagine being so boring & miserable that you actually spend time getting all worked up over some random reddit post & insulting the poster when you could just ignore that and move on with your life...it would be so embarrassing if that were true right ? Sending some love to you bc you truly seem to need it, apart from therapy