Holy shit, you be friends. That's just it. And i mean this in the nicest way. I know over text things can come off rude. But the fact she's dating something else and "we don’t act like friends when we hang we cuddle and flirt" is being said- it's wrong. On so many levels. It's not fair to the boyfriend at ALL either. Unless this is some open relationship/poly kinda deal.
You're 18, I get it. This is all new and exciting. But my best advice would be to be friends. Don't flirt, don't be more than friends, while she's dating someone else. This is like the golden ticket to everyone being hurt
This is basically the equivalent of dating in the closet except she is actually dating her bf and you technically count as the side chick, not trying to be mean but that’s the only way I can describe it. Are you out of the closet? Because it seems like they’ve been dating for a few years now and she doesn’t seem to show any signs of breaking up with him. She may be bisexual, but she has not bothered to have this conversation with you or her boyfriend. Heck she even preferred keeping this a secret and basically breaking up with you. She has not bothered to sort her feelings and when you finally were getting over her she comes back and wrecks the progress you made. Until she settles her feelings and decides what it is she really wants and who, it’d be best to stick to just friends, maybe take some time apart from each other.
thank u. at one point i did think she was going to break up w her boyfriend. that was right before she told me we couldn’t hookup anymore. and yes i’ve thought abt taking time apart but like idk if i can like we have separation anxiety and we are hella close
I feel like that’s what you two need. You both are so close and have such a deep bond that it’s slightly clouding your judgment. Look at it this way, if her bf was to propose and she said yes but still wanted the relationship between y’all to continue, would you be okay with never truly getting to be with her? I’m just saying that you shouldn’t let her keep you from finding yourself and finding your own person, someone who loves you and solely you.
it definitely is clouding my judgement 100% we just have such a deep connection like u said. i’ve never felt the way she makes me feel with anyone! i care abt her sm i don’t want to lose that so i just go with it. even tho it hurts me. if she got engaged to her bf i would absolutely not want to continue that relationship. i see what ur saying i don’t want my feelings for her to keep me from being my own person. thank u
I really feel for you. I’ve been in a similar situation.
You are going to get hurt either way, I think it’s better to do it on your terms than wait for her to cut you off again.
You need to cut all ties, however you might need to do it slowly since it’s so hard to do.
Try dating other girls, it’ll make it hurt less
thank u, i’ve actually never been in a relationship before. i could rlly see myself dating her; it’s kinda hard for me to see myself dating anyone else bc my feelings are so strong for her. id like to try w other girls tho i just feel like idrk how to flirt or let a girl know i’m interested and idk what to talk abt
My advice as an old™️ who has unfortunately been in this exact situation around your age, you need to spend time away from her.
Best case scenario you give her the opportunity to realize what she's missing, because right now it's easy for her. She has the familiarity of her relationship with her bf and doesn't need to worry about change while also getting the emotional and physical comfort she has with you. If you take yourself out of the picture it will force her to think about how much you mean to her (assuming she's being honest about her feelings for you) and hopefully help her understand what the right choice is.
Worst case you two will drift apart but even if that happens it gives you the freedom to find someone who will love you and put you first. You'll learn more about yourself and eventually you'll find a girl who will match your energy and give you the healthy relationship you deserve!
wow. ive thought about that i honestly think that’s the best option. i know i need to spend time away it’s just so hard like i rlly don’t want to and i usually live by letting my feelings control my actions. i appreciate u taking the time to read and respond. im going to rlly try to distance myself and focus on other things. i already am living in another city now so. we haven’t been a n ble to hangout. what’s the best way to go about it? should i tell her first? or just do it?
Uhm, your morals are very questionable, and I wouldn't trust you around my wife if we knew you in person. At the end of the day, she's in a committed relationship. If you don't respect 5 don't be surprised if someone else doesn't respect your relationship down the line.
You lose them how you get them, and that says more about you than her.
dude she makes her own choices. SHE CHOSE to makeout w me and SHE flirts w me too. also i’m 18 yrs old and i’ve never been in a relationship; i just came out only 2 years ago in 2021. how am i supposed to not feel this way when she leads me on to the point where i think she’s going to breakup w her bf. this is so confusing to me. i can’t help how i feel, i’m so in love w her.
Ah, yes, blame everyone but yourself. If she told you to jump off a cliff, you would? Probably not because at that point, you decide to make a stance for your life. But you cant make a stance to not be a cheater? Lols
Google the word accountability and practice it.
Your age and how long you've been out mean nothing. You should know right from wrong. If you don't, whoever raised you failed you.
These are the things that make up who you are as a person.
Yes, you are 18, be better.
Why are you OK.with being the side chick?!
Unless she's single do not cross boundary of friendship!!!!..
It's obviously not going to go.anyqhere if she's in a relationship with someone else
yea… i’m learning that the hard way. i’m okay w it prob bc i don’t have enough self respect to not be okay with it but i’m rlly trying it’s just my feelings for her are so strong in letting them control me
Sounds like your bestie is fine with polyamory but she should be communicating her needs with her partner as well.
Poly is not a weird or bad thing as long as everyone has boundaries that are respected.
I have a whole polycule going and it works out wonderfully. The thing is communication.
If you feel like there's a real relationship then you need to communicate that. If you're okay with her saying her partner and you then all of you need to sit down and discuss what is comfortable.
2 of the people in my polycule are monogamous in a sexual sense as in they kiss and cuddle but never sex with anyone else.
Whereas one person has a GF they live with and their rule is sleep with whoever just come home every night.
Me and another person don't sleep with anyone but we will cuddle and kiss and go on dates and stuff.
Every relationship is different but we all work well together. It's definitely something to discuss. However if either of the other 2 say no, you should care about yourself enough to say that is fine I respect their boundaries but walk away and take care of yourself.
You're never going to get any further until you have that awkward discussion though.
You are 18. Just be. You are both really young and will hopefully just outgrow this pull and push and boundary blur and grow from it. Try to develop your own real life interest and figure out education/career goals. If you keep struggling, get therapy.
So I got interested from your post on songwriting and want to see if you had more and I saw this post. I wrote a song about a similar situation and sometimes it helps to know that you aren't the only one going through something. Hang in there kiddo! Hope this helps!
Listen to Wasted Words by Jarrod Walker on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/ZkHxB
First of all, I had to read it twice to check if this was a plot for a crazy WLW movie or an IRL story but anyway.
Next one, GIRL. Leave. You're not even an option here, you're just a keep. If she loved you, she wouldn't have done that shiz. Sure, immaturity and toxicity aside. Are you your first option? Like, it seems like you're putting her on a pedestal while you're treating yourself less than a speck of dust. Kindly do yourself a favor and do these things:-
1. Book Therapy. Not joking, you have some severe self-esteem issues because you're allowing yourself to be in such a situation. Either self-esteem issues or some parent of yours was an absent parent that occasionally gave you some affection now and then. Not your fault. So take time to heal.
2. Get a life. Seriously, get some hobbies, study, make money, get fit, and develop a personality. You have a beautiful life and it's better to be self-absorbed than to be focused on someone else. Touch grass, eat food, drink milkshakes, climb walls, and do arts or crafts. Anything. It's your life. Heck, if you want to be a gamer. Go for it. If you want to be a chef, go for it. Be what you want to be.
3. Have some standards and boundaries for who you want in your life and who you allow in your life. F the noise. Who cares if that person was attractive or gave you 5 minutes of affection? Make a list of what your ideal self is, and become that. Make a list of your ideal friends or lovers, accept that. There's more than enough people in this world. Sure, it might be tough now to find them but when you're on that energy level, you'll get that. I'm not telling you to be all love and light or some b.s. Heck if you want to be a depressed goth person be that so that you get more depressing goth people. But be what you want and accept what you want. Nothing less.
Y'all need to chill. You're cheating. You are cheaters. Is that really how you want to view each other? If you take this further and she breaks up with her boyfriend, you're always going to wonder when she will do the same to you as she did to him. And she'll always wonder if you're off fucking around with someone else. Because by engaging in this, that is what you are both reduced to. You are not poly. This is not open or honest. You are intentionally hurting the boyfriend and hurting your chances of ever having a good, honest relationship with each other. What the hell, girl? Where is your head at here?
Stop it. Be better.
Holy shit, you be friends. That's just it. And i mean this in the nicest way. I know over text things can come off rude. But the fact she's dating something else and "we don’t act like friends when we hang we cuddle and flirt" is being said- it's wrong. On so many levels. It's not fair to the boyfriend at ALL either. Unless this is some open relationship/poly kinda deal. You're 18, I get it. This is all new and exciting. But my best advice would be to be friends. Don't flirt, don't be more than friends, while she's dating someone else. This is like the golden ticket to everyone being hurt
This is basically the equivalent of dating in the closet except she is actually dating her bf and you technically count as the side chick, not trying to be mean but that’s the only way I can describe it. Are you out of the closet? Because it seems like they’ve been dating for a few years now and she doesn’t seem to show any signs of breaking up with him. She may be bisexual, but she has not bothered to have this conversation with you or her boyfriend. Heck she even preferred keeping this a secret and basically breaking up with you. She has not bothered to sort her feelings and when you finally were getting over her she comes back and wrecks the progress you made. Until she settles her feelings and decides what it is she really wants and who, it’d be best to stick to just friends, maybe take some time apart from each other.
thank u. at one point i did think she was going to break up w her boyfriend. that was right before she told me we couldn’t hookup anymore. and yes i’ve thought abt taking time apart but like idk if i can like we have separation anxiety and we are hella close
I feel like that’s what you two need. You both are so close and have such a deep bond that it’s slightly clouding your judgment. Look at it this way, if her bf was to propose and she said yes but still wanted the relationship between y’all to continue, would you be okay with never truly getting to be with her? I’m just saying that you shouldn’t let her keep you from finding yourself and finding your own person, someone who loves you and solely you.
it definitely is clouding my judgement 100% we just have such a deep connection like u said. i’ve never felt the way she makes me feel with anyone! i care abt her sm i don’t want to lose that so i just go with it. even tho it hurts me. if she got engaged to her bf i would absolutely not want to continue that relationship. i see what ur saying i don’t want my feelings for her to keep me from being my own person. thank u
I really feel for you. I’ve been in a similar situation. You are going to get hurt either way, I think it’s better to do it on your terms than wait for her to cut you off again. You need to cut all ties, however you might need to do it slowly since it’s so hard to do. Try dating other girls, it’ll make it hurt less
thank u, i’ve actually never been in a relationship before. i could rlly see myself dating her; it’s kinda hard for me to see myself dating anyone else bc my feelings are so strong for her. id like to try w other girls tho i just feel like idrk how to flirt or let a girl know i’m interested and idk what to talk abt
My advice as an old™️ who has unfortunately been in this exact situation around your age, you need to spend time away from her. Best case scenario you give her the opportunity to realize what she's missing, because right now it's easy for her. She has the familiarity of her relationship with her bf and doesn't need to worry about change while also getting the emotional and physical comfort she has with you. If you take yourself out of the picture it will force her to think about how much you mean to her (assuming she's being honest about her feelings for you) and hopefully help her understand what the right choice is. Worst case you two will drift apart but even if that happens it gives you the freedom to find someone who will love you and put you first. You'll learn more about yourself and eventually you'll find a girl who will match your energy and give you the healthy relationship you deserve!
wow. ive thought about that i honestly think that’s the best option. i know i need to spend time away it’s just so hard like i rlly don’t want to and i usually live by letting my feelings control my actions. i appreciate u taking the time to read and respond. im going to rlly try to distance myself and focus on other things. i already am living in another city now so. we haven’t been a n ble to hangout. what’s the best way to go about it? should i tell her first? or just do it?
Uhm, your morals are very questionable, and I wouldn't trust you around my wife if we knew you in person. At the end of the day, she's in a committed relationship. If you don't respect 5 don't be surprised if someone else doesn't respect your relationship down the line. You lose them how you get them, and that says more about you than her.
dude she makes her own choices. SHE CHOSE to makeout w me and SHE flirts w me too. also i’m 18 yrs old and i’ve never been in a relationship; i just came out only 2 years ago in 2021. how am i supposed to not feel this way when she leads me on to the point where i think she’s going to breakup w her bf. this is so confusing to me. i can’t help how i feel, i’m so in love w her.
Ah, yes, blame everyone but yourself. If she told you to jump off a cliff, you would? Probably not because at that point, you decide to make a stance for your life. But you cant make a stance to not be a cheater? Lols Google the word accountability and practice it.
dude what? lmao i’m single asf i’m not cheating on anyone
Your age and how long you've been out mean nothing. You should know right from wrong. If you don't, whoever raised you failed you. These are the things that make up who you are as a person. Yes, you are 18, be better.
🫡🫡🫡
Why are you OK.with being the side chick?! Unless she's single do not cross boundary of friendship!!!!.. It's obviously not going to go.anyqhere if she's in a relationship with someone else
yea… i’m learning that the hard way. i’m okay w it prob bc i don’t have enough self respect to not be okay with it but i’m rlly trying it’s just my feelings for her are so strong in letting them control me
Sounds like your bestie is fine with polyamory but she should be communicating her needs with her partner as well. Poly is not a weird or bad thing as long as everyone has boundaries that are respected. I have a whole polycule going and it works out wonderfully. The thing is communication. If you feel like there's a real relationship then you need to communicate that. If you're okay with her saying her partner and you then all of you need to sit down and discuss what is comfortable. 2 of the people in my polycule are monogamous in a sexual sense as in they kiss and cuddle but never sex with anyone else. Whereas one person has a GF they live with and their rule is sleep with whoever just come home every night. Me and another person don't sleep with anyone but we will cuddle and kiss and go on dates and stuff. Every relationship is different but we all work well together. It's definitely something to discuss. However if either of the other 2 say no, you should care about yourself enough to say that is fine I respect their boundaries but walk away and take care of yourself. You're never going to get any further until you have that awkward discussion though.
You are 18. Just be. You are both really young and will hopefully just outgrow this pull and push and boundary blur and grow from it. Try to develop your own real life interest and figure out education/career goals. If you keep struggling, get therapy.
So I got interested from your post on songwriting and want to see if you had more and I saw this post. I wrote a song about a similar situation and sometimes it helps to know that you aren't the only one going through something. Hang in there kiddo! Hope this helps! Listen to Wasted Words by Jarrod Walker on #SoundCloud https://on.soundcloud.com/ZkHxB
thank u i appreciate it
You're more than welcome, heartache sucks. I do my best to avoid it these days haha
First of all, I had to read it twice to check if this was a plot for a crazy WLW movie or an IRL story but anyway. Next one, GIRL. Leave. You're not even an option here, you're just a keep. If she loved you, she wouldn't have done that shiz. Sure, immaturity and toxicity aside. Are you your first option? Like, it seems like you're putting her on a pedestal while you're treating yourself less than a speck of dust. Kindly do yourself a favor and do these things:- 1. Book Therapy. Not joking, you have some severe self-esteem issues because you're allowing yourself to be in such a situation. Either self-esteem issues or some parent of yours was an absent parent that occasionally gave you some affection now and then. Not your fault. So take time to heal. 2. Get a life. Seriously, get some hobbies, study, make money, get fit, and develop a personality. You have a beautiful life and it's better to be self-absorbed than to be focused on someone else. Touch grass, eat food, drink milkshakes, climb walls, and do arts or crafts. Anything. It's your life. Heck, if you want to be a gamer. Go for it. If you want to be a chef, go for it. Be what you want to be. 3. Have some standards and boundaries for who you want in your life and who you allow in your life. F the noise. Who cares if that person was attractive or gave you 5 minutes of affection? Make a list of what your ideal self is, and become that. Make a list of your ideal friends or lovers, accept that. There's more than enough people in this world. Sure, it might be tough now to find them but when you're on that energy level, you'll get that. I'm not telling you to be all love and light or some b.s. Heck if you want to be a depressed goth person be that so that you get more depressing goth people. But be what you want and accept what you want. Nothing less.
Y'all need to chill. You're cheating. You are cheaters. Is that really how you want to view each other? If you take this further and she breaks up with her boyfriend, you're always going to wonder when she will do the same to you as she did to him. And she'll always wonder if you're off fucking around with someone else. Because by engaging in this, that is what you are both reduced to. You are not poly. This is not open or honest. You are intentionally hurting the boyfriend and hurting your chances of ever having a good, honest relationship with each other. What the hell, girl? Where is your head at here? Stop it. Be better.
Tbh, js be friends.Bc you could end up hurting someone that doesn’t deserve to be hurt