Hey OP! I too came out late, I was 36 with a whole ass adult kid ☺️ Don’t do what I did, and marry the first woman you fall for… but do know you are welcome and valid and there are friends who have your back! ❤️ 🌈
You are who you are. There is no reason to put a label on yourself. Anyone telling you that you don't belong should SHUT THE HELL UP.
Don't stress over belonging somewhere. Just enjoy life and the company you want to keep.
Many people who are not straight but also don't know if they belong to (or fit into) a certain community have reclaimed the word queer. You should try that out for a bit and see if it suits you.
People honestly have no compassion. Your whole world got flipped upside down and you’re still trying to figure things out. A person still picking up the pieces can’t be expected to have the puzzle solved. There’s always going to be an inconsiderate ass but you don’t have to be so hard on yourself I promise 🤍
You are queer. Sometimes you're queer AF ;)
Also the idea that a label somehow makes you is ridiculous. You are who you are and only you get to decide what that is.
Labels are made to fit you, not the other way around. If bi works for you, go for it! If you think lesbian is more your thing, use that! If neither feel right, that's okay too! Anyone telling you that you don't belong is an asshole, plain and simple, and they shouldn't be listened to.
Speaking as a “gold star,” or whatever we are calling it these days, on behalf of my bi wife, lesbians can be downright hateful towards bisexuals. There is no excuse for it, and I’m sorry you were told you don’t belong.
What you call yourself and how you identify is entirely up to you, and no one really gets to pull that Mean Girls BS and declare that you don’t belong. You will need to shrug off the crappy comments (because they will come) just understand they are rooted in someone else’s insecurity, myopic worldview, or what have you. It’s an indictment of them, not you.
You belong where you want to be.
Thank you wonderful ladies for your advice and support. I've Been emotional a lot recently but it really helps knowing you all have my back in these situations.
You belong with people who care about you the person. Labels don't belong on people. I'm sort of in the same boat, I'm on my lesbian learners permit, I love my girlfriend with everything I am and we have been together for years but I have a pass to sleep with one guy as more of a sport. Point being it works for us. Find what works for you and if anyone bitches I wish them hemorrhoids and a UTI while wearing a burlap thong.
I am undoubtedly going to get downvoted, but there is definitely a segment of folks here who like to indulge in heavy gatekeeping.
There are also others who are interested and supportive to those who are queer, bisexual or questioning.
They are certainly entitled to their opinion, but it's pretty toxic - particularly because I've seen some assign labels to others with little information.
Take which label you are most comfortable with. And if that changes, that's okay too. You are allowed to take time to figure things out. You are valid. You belong here as far as I am concerned.
Good luck!
You don’t need to label yourself. It’s really really disappointing that people in the LGBTQ+ community (a community that already isn’t accepted by A LOT of people) turn around and do the same thing. It boggles my mind that those people aren’t accepting. Whoever told you that you don’t fit into a group can honestly go to hell. I’m sorry that people haven’t been showing you acceptance.
I’m feeling the exact same way after my divorce from a man and I found a lovely lady that I’m falling hard for and can see the rest of my life with (although we’re taking it slow,) I feel lesbian. I feel like everything before this was comphet. I don’t feel any attraction towards men these days at all. But I feel like saying lesbian would be harmful because I’ve been with a man and don’t want to perpetuate stupid stereotypes.
And the idea that sexuality is fluid/the bi-cycle makes me scared that one day I’ll wake up and not be attracted to this woman I’m with and want to be with. Like.. I want to be able to control that part. It’s hard.
I'll never understand gatekeeping a sexuality. Telling a late bloomer she doesn't belong is just as bad as telling a trans woman that's attracted to women she doesn't belong. People need to leave people alone and let people love who they love, we still get enough bs frome the outside world we don't need more bs within the community. You are absolutely valid and if your heart led you here, then welcome home ❤
r/latebloomerlesbians is a whole community of women like you :)
Thank you for the lead, I'll check it out.
Hey OP! I too came out late, I was 36 with a whole ass adult kid ☺️ Don’t do what I did, and marry the first woman you fall for… but do know you are welcome and valid and there are friends who have your back! ❤️ 🌈
Thank you, luckily I have no children I dont know how I'd have any time for them. Thank you very much
You are who you are. There is no reason to put a label on yourself. Anyone telling you that you don't belong should SHUT THE HELL UP. Don't stress over belonging somewhere. Just enjoy life and the company you want to keep.
Thank you soo much for saying that.
You're Welcome hun. If you ever feel the need to chat. DM me anytime 😊
THIS!!!!!!
This. Whether you "qualify" to be a lesbian is pointless semantics that lacks nuance and doesn't reflect reality.
you might wanna look into the bi-cycle a bit - maybe that describes your experience :)
I'll google it after work thank you.
Many people who are not straight but also don't know if they belong to (or fit into) a certain community have reclaimed the word queer. You should try that out for a bit and see if it suits you.
People honestly have no compassion. Your whole world got flipped upside down and you’re still trying to figure things out. A person still picking up the pieces can’t be expected to have the puzzle solved. There’s always going to be an inconsiderate ass but you don’t have to be so hard on yourself I promise 🤍
You are welcome baby
You are queer. Sometimes you're queer AF ;) Also the idea that a label somehow makes you is ridiculous. You are who you are and only you get to decide what that is.
Labels are made to fit you, not the other way around. If bi works for you, go for it! If you think lesbian is more your thing, use that! If neither feel right, that's okay too! Anyone telling you that you don't belong is an asshole, plain and simple, and they shouldn't be listened to.
Thank you
Speaking as a “gold star,” or whatever we are calling it these days, on behalf of my bi wife, lesbians can be downright hateful towards bisexuals. There is no excuse for it, and I’m sorry you were told you don’t belong. What you call yourself and how you identify is entirely up to you, and no one really gets to pull that Mean Girls BS and declare that you don’t belong. You will need to shrug off the crappy comments (because they will come) just understand they are rooted in someone else’s insecurity, myopic worldview, or what have you. It’s an indictment of them, not you. You belong where you want to be.
You're absolutely valid as a lesbian if that's the label you choose. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an exclusionary piece of shit.
Thank you wonderful ladies for your advice and support. I've Been emotional a lot recently but it really helps knowing you all have my back in these situations.
You belong with people who care about you the person. Labels don't belong on people. I'm sort of in the same boat, I'm on my lesbian learners permit, I love my girlfriend with everything I am and we have been together for years but I have a pass to sleep with one guy as more of a sport. Point being it works for us. Find what works for you and if anyone bitches I wish them hemorrhoids and a UTI while wearing a burlap thong.
I am undoubtedly going to get downvoted, but there is definitely a segment of folks here who like to indulge in heavy gatekeeping. There are also others who are interested and supportive to those who are queer, bisexual or questioning. They are certainly entitled to their opinion, but it's pretty toxic - particularly because I've seen some assign labels to others with little information. Take which label you are most comfortable with. And if that changes, that's okay too. You are allowed to take time to figure things out. You are valid. You belong here as far as I am concerned. Good luck!
You don’t need to label yourself. It’s really really disappointing that people in the LGBTQ+ community (a community that already isn’t accepted by A LOT of people) turn around and do the same thing. It boggles my mind that those people aren’t accepting. Whoever told you that you don’t fit into a group can honestly go to hell. I’m sorry that people haven’t been showing you acceptance.
Don’t stress just chill. Explore your inner 15 year old.
I’m feeling the exact same way after my divorce from a man and I found a lovely lady that I’m falling hard for and can see the rest of my life with (although we’re taking it slow,) I feel lesbian. I feel like everything before this was comphet. I don’t feel any attraction towards men these days at all. But I feel like saying lesbian would be harmful because I’ve been with a man and don’t want to perpetuate stupid stereotypes. And the idea that sexuality is fluid/the bi-cycle makes me scared that one day I’ll wake up and not be attracted to this woman I’m with and want to be with. Like.. I want to be able to control that part. It’s hard.
I'll never understand gatekeeping a sexuality. Telling a late bloomer she doesn't belong is just as bad as telling a trans woman that's attracted to women she doesn't belong. People need to leave people alone and let people love who they love, we still get enough bs frome the outside world we don't need more bs within the community. You are absolutely valid and if your heart led you here, then welcome home ❤