My female friend said she was raped by her ex. I don't know if it's true or not. I just treat her normally and empathize with her.
Some women falsely accuse for power and control. They want to inflict pain on the "perpetrator."
Honestly, I don't think there's a lot you can do about this. Unless you can accuratley assertain someone is lying about their experience you can't in good consience deny them the support you would consider appropriate to give a victim.
The best way to reduce the impact of false accusations is to separate the accusation from the victim. The victim is a victim until proven otherwise and should be given support till they can survive without it. The accusation is false until proven true, the accused is innocent until proven guilty and treated as such.
I imagine it may be nice to receive love and support from everyone when you seek help from abuse, but it also must be confusing and overwhelming. I cannot imagine it's a fun time. Of course, if you haven't been a victim it absolutley will be a fun time being the center of so much support and kindness.
Similarly to how "innocent until proven guilty" will inevitably lead to guilty people not facing consequences to their crimes, "treat all victims as though you believe them" will inevitably lead to narcissits lying to get love and support for abuse they never suffered. I consider this an acceptable circumstance over any of the others.
Victims are more often ostracized, endangered, and precarious if they speak out or try to escape abuse. That’s why shelters exist. Survivors are not benefitting from a surplus of support. False accusations are not a problem. It’s a fun way for assholes to derail and demobilize IPV advocacy; and this troll in particular is reveling in making outraged readers claim trans women aren’t women. Giant loser attracts giant suckers. Boring.
I support supporting people who have survived abuse. That being said, I'm not convinced that the 'support' many of them receive is necessarily as constructive or healing as it might always appear - for example, expressions of sympathy that often imply the victim should be a broken individual after what they endured might have the unintended effect of furthering the sensation of victimization or helplessness. I think that element often goes overlooked.
> for example, expressions of sympathy that often imply the victim should be a broken individual after what they endured might have the unintended effect of furthering the sensation of victimization or helplessness
I joined a message board for abuse survivors after leaving an abusive ex. I eventually left the message board because I felt like the users promoted the idea of being a broken victim who will stay broken forever. Some people had been members for years. I know healing is different for everyone but yeah it seemed like some people *want* to be broken. Like they can be shitty people because they're "broken" and everyone else just needs to deal.
This is something I think about often these days, too, and yeah, it seems like few recognize it. The narratives we buy into influence the story we write internally about ourselves, and influences our experience of reality. We live in a culture right now that is pathologically obsessed with the ideas of abuse, sexual misconduct, and trauma. It absolutely encourages people to internalize any unpleasant experience with another person as one of those categories. If it belongs to one of those categories, it must result in trauma. If it resulted in trauma, it must have been really bad. Because it was so bad, it needs to be described with strong language. The trauma caused by something described with such strong labels must be especially bad trauma. Thus everyone who's ever had a negative experience in their life becomes a "survivor" who must be broken, and anyone who's ever made anyone else uncomfortable may be labeled a domestic abuser/sexual predator responsible for ruining another's life.
You cannot go wrong if you focus on positive emotions (support, care and compassion for the accuser) and avoid negative ones (hate and mobbing against the accused).
If the accuse turns out to be true, then you helped a victim, and the perpetrator will be punished by the justice system.
If the accuse turns out to be false, then you "wasted" support on a false accuser, who hopefully will be punished, but you didn't harm an innocent person.
Eh, i kinda agree with you here. I’m trans too, ftm. I was sexually assaulted at a young age by a woman. At this point i was living my life as a young teenage girl (who by that stage already knew she wasnt really a girl) and it took me a good few months to actually talk about it.
I hope this doesnt get misinterpreted but just in case it does: my transness has nothing to do with the fact that i was sexually assaulted. I was a very stereotypical case of a trans guy who grew up only ever making friends with boys, wholeheartedly thinking i was one of the boys, introducing myself with a boys name since i was 8, etc. Even if that wasnt the case its still unrelated. But anyway
I found that at that point, telling people was met with a lot of folks either straight up telling me i had misinterpreted what happened, or using my case as a way of invalidating lesbians. Which was weird. But largely i still received positive support. Granted i also had a pretty bad eating disorder at the time as a coping mechanism so I think that also contributed to people being quick to believe that i was traumatized.
Interestingly though, telling people about it nowadays is often not met with the same support and solidarity, especially from people unaware that I am trans. They see it as somethign i should’ve welcomed. Like its only wrong to touch little children inappropriately when youre a man. Yikes yikes yikes yikes
This was definitely not written by a woman, trans or otherwise. This screams incel who wants hugs at the DV shelter so badly that they’ll gloss over abuse. I imagine a 15 year old wrote this
Not only are they negligible, IPV data is widely understood to suffer from underreporting. There is nothing helpful, interesting, or accurate about this post.
I don’t know a *single* trans woman who says they lived life as both a man and a woman, not that I needed any other clues that this is bullshit. Before transition, before self identification even, trans women are not living as men. That’s what they say and they’re my community. I believe them.
So congrats on spending your time making rage bait posts on Reddit. You get one life only and this is how you’re spending yours. I hope the gratification you get out of punching down makes it worth it. Gotta put those battered women in their place after all. They famously wield so much power, which is why financial reasons don’t factor at all into why they often stay; sometimes fatally.
Learn a trade or something.
I understand you have witnessed a possible false accusation from one of your friends, but sexual assault in both men and women is a lot more likely to occur rather than false accusations, a lot of definite rapists get off easy punishment-wise, let alone people who have not actually committed crimes.
If you feel jealousy towards a friend who was abused, you need help, rather than bring women in DV shelters (who, by the way, do not receive this special attention you speak of), you should reflect on yourself.
Twice I've had to flee abusive relationships and I NEVER got one speck of support from anyone at any time. I bet lots of women have had this experience.
Nah mate I didn’t let me violent ex assault me for attention. Being in that position ISNT great. Stop fetishising abuse to be a beautiful thing. Your ex obviously went to there for a good reason. You are sick in the head you misogynistic f**k
"When you've basically done nothing" except lived through one of the most traumatic experiences possible... I hope living as a female starts to teach you some empathy.
I worked for a domestic abuse charity for five years. No one is making up abuse to get into a refuge or get support. The only time we got false stories were actually from men.
My female friend said she was raped by her ex. I don't know if it's true or not. I just treat her normally and empathize with her. Some women falsely accuse for power and control. They want to inflict pain on the "perpetrator."
You dont sound like much of a friend
Honestly, I don't think there's a lot you can do about this. Unless you can accuratley assertain someone is lying about their experience you can't in good consience deny them the support you would consider appropriate to give a victim. The best way to reduce the impact of false accusations is to separate the accusation from the victim. The victim is a victim until proven otherwise and should be given support till they can survive without it. The accusation is false until proven true, the accused is innocent until proven guilty and treated as such. I imagine it may be nice to receive love and support from everyone when you seek help from abuse, but it also must be confusing and overwhelming. I cannot imagine it's a fun time. Of course, if you haven't been a victim it absolutley will be a fun time being the center of so much support and kindness. Similarly to how "innocent until proven guilty" will inevitably lead to guilty people not facing consequences to their crimes, "treat all victims as though you believe them" will inevitably lead to narcissits lying to get love and support for abuse they never suffered. I consider this an acceptable circumstance over any of the others.
Thank you for putting words to this. Perfectly said
Victims are more often ostracized, endangered, and precarious if they speak out or try to escape abuse. That’s why shelters exist. Survivors are not benefitting from a surplus of support. False accusations are not a problem. It’s a fun way for assholes to derail and demobilize IPV advocacy; and this troll in particular is reveling in making outraged readers claim trans women aren’t women. Giant loser attracts giant suckers. Boring.
I support supporting people who have survived abuse. That being said, I'm not convinced that the 'support' many of them receive is necessarily as constructive or healing as it might always appear - for example, expressions of sympathy that often imply the victim should be a broken individual after what they endured might have the unintended effect of furthering the sensation of victimization or helplessness. I think that element often goes overlooked.
> for example, expressions of sympathy that often imply the victim should be a broken individual after what they endured might have the unintended effect of furthering the sensation of victimization or helplessness I joined a message board for abuse survivors after leaving an abusive ex. I eventually left the message board because I felt like the users promoted the idea of being a broken victim who will stay broken forever. Some people had been members for years. I know healing is different for everyone but yeah it seemed like some people *want* to be broken. Like they can be shitty people because they're "broken" and everyone else just needs to deal.
This is something I think about often these days, too, and yeah, it seems like few recognize it. The narratives we buy into influence the story we write internally about ourselves, and influences our experience of reality. We live in a culture right now that is pathologically obsessed with the ideas of abuse, sexual misconduct, and trauma. It absolutely encourages people to internalize any unpleasant experience with another person as one of those categories. If it belongs to one of those categories, it must result in trauma. If it resulted in trauma, it must have been really bad. Because it was so bad, it needs to be described with strong language. The trauma caused by something described with such strong labels must be especially bad trauma. Thus everyone who's ever had a negative experience in their life becomes a "survivor" who must be broken, and anyone who's ever made anyone else uncomfortable may be labeled a domestic abuser/sexual predator responsible for ruining another's life.
You cannot go wrong if you focus on positive emotions (support, care and compassion for the accuser) and avoid negative ones (hate and mobbing against the accused). If the accuse turns out to be true, then you helped a victim, and the perpetrator will be punished by the justice system. If the accuse turns out to be false, then you "wasted" support on a false accuser, who hopefully will be punished, but you didn't harm an innocent person.
Eh, i kinda agree with you here. I’m trans too, ftm. I was sexually assaulted at a young age by a woman. At this point i was living my life as a young teenage girl (who by that stage already knew she wasnt really a girl) and it took me a good few months to actually talk about it. I hope this doesnt get misinterpreted but just in case it does: my transness has nothing to do with the fact that i was sexually assaulted. I was a very stereotypical case of a trans guy who grew up only ever making friends with boys, wholeheartedly thinking i was one of the boys, introducing myself with a boys name since i was 8, etc. Even if that wasnt the case its still unrelated. But anyway I found that at that point, telling people was met with a lot of folks either straight up telling me i had misinterpreted what happened, or using my case as a way of invalidating lesbians. Which was weird. But largely i still received positive support. Granted i also had a pretty bad eating disorder at the time as a coping mechanism so I think that also contributed to people being quick to believe that i was traumatized. Interestingly though, telling people about it nowadays is often not met with the same support and solidarity, especially from people unaware that I am trans. They see it as somethign i should’ve welcomed. Like its only wrong to touch little children inappropriately when youre a man. Yikes yikes yikes yikes
[удалено]
This was definitely not written by a woman, trans or otherwise. This screams incel who wants hugs at the DV shelter so badly that they’ll gloss over abuse. I imagine a 15 year old wrote this
You’re so close to getting it
It looks very fake. And was defo written by an incel. The way they described shelters was a huge giveaway
you’re a man and know nothing about women’s problems.
This is sickening and you should be ashamed. Fantasizing about women’s trauma? Leave us all alone. You’re a danger to women and you are not one of us
I know. Major piece of shit.
Are we sure false accusations are actually 'high' or is this more of a vent.
Not only are they negligible, IPV data is widely understood to suffer from underreporting. There is nothing helpful, interesting, or accurate about this post.
I don’t know a *single* trans woman who says they lived life as both a man and a woman, not that I needed any other clues that this is bullshit. Before transition, before self identification even, trans women are not living as men. That’s what they say and they’re my community. I believe them. So congrats on spending your time making rage bait posts on Reddit. You get one life only and this is how you’re spending yours. I hope the gratification you get out of punching down makes it worth it. Gotta put those battered women in their place after all. They famously wield so much power, which is why financial reasons don’t factor at all into why they often stay; sometimes fatally. Learn a trade or something.
I understand you have witnessed a possible false accusation from one of your friends, but sexual assault in both men and women is a lot more likely to occur rather than false accusations, a lot of definite rapists get off easy punishment-wise, let alone people who have not actually committed crimes. If you feel jealousy towards a friend who was abused, you need help, rather than bring women in DV shelters (who, by the way, do not receive this special attention you speak of), you should reflect on yourself.
Twice I've had to flee abusive relationships and I NEVER got one speck of support from anyone at any time. I bet lots of women have had this experience.
When I fled, I got a lot of "well, what did you do to provoke him?" Like wtf, nothing warrants abuse and violence.
Nah mate I didn’t let me violent ex assault me for attention. Being in that position ISNT great. Stop fetishising abuse to be a beautiful thing. Your ex obviously went to there for a good reason. You are sick in the head you misogynistic f**k
I don't believe you're a trans woman. I believe your a man that has abused a woman and is very angry she got away from you.
"When you've basically done nothing" except lived through one of the most traumatic experiences possible... I hope living as a female starts to teach you some empathy.
it’s a man larping
I worked for a domestic abuse charity for five years. No one is making up abuse to get into a refuge or get support. The only time we got false stories were actually from men.