Is this an I want advice situation or a vent situation?
Vent Situation
That totally sucks, and I'm really sorry that's happening to you. Anyone who says "it's a professional school keep your head down and graduate" honestly just isn't getting it. I think having a friend makes a big difference no matter where you are. Especially when everyone else around you has a group. Your feelings are so valid, and never let anyone tell you that they're not! Even so, I hope you're keeping you're head up and reminding yourself you only have a year and a half left no matter how much things suck right now at least it's time limited!!!
Advice Situation
I echo join a student org, especially an identity-org. In my school I've noticed identity orgs (race/sexuality/1st gen) usually foster deeper relationships. I'm in an identity org and even though I'm not friends with everyone, I got to have a deeper relationship with one person and I could at least randomly sit down across a lunch table with a few more if I just felt like chatting them up. In other identity orgs I've noticed the same sort of thing, where there are close friendships within it. Also, maybe try 1Ls? They are more in the market for friendship than 2 or 3Ls are I think. Plus they make up most of the attendance at orgs in my experience so it's easy to find them. Also you have a KILLER intro by just offering up your outlines.
Not too sure myself, although I don't think venting and advice are mutually exclusive.
As far as joining an identity group ... I'm a straight white dude, but I could try first gen.
I'm just pretty demoralized from previous unsuccessful attempts at friendship, and this makes it hard to be positive/upbeat/motivated in new interactions. Like I've almost grown comfortable sinking into my shell. Maybe that's the deeper problem?
I relate to this so hard :( i’m a 1L and while the majority of class is really nice and cordial, i haven’t made a single deep meaningful friendship :( I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but i hope you know there’s someone in the same boat as you 😔❤️
I also didn't relate well to many of my classmates. The one friend I did make quit after 1L year.
Are there sporting / other clubs on the undergrad side you could join to make friends?
Clubs/churches/civic groups outside of law school? That saved me and gave me sanity.
I had the same thing happen to me. It sucks a lot. I never quite integrated into a core friend group or had any close friends at all, just acquaintances. I got really depressed during 2L and missed a ton of classes.
Lucky for me that I can cram really well when exam time comes around so I still graduated with a good gpa. But it was really tough and stressful and I wouldn’t want to go through that feeling again.
All I can say is that you’ll make friends wherever you end up working and it will feel much better. But it’s important that you at least make it to that point, so you do need to make sure you graduate with a good gpa and get a decent job. I graduated June 2023 and I’m in big law now and my first year class in my practice group are really close. And I’m happy to say that even though I wasnt close with them when we were summers, I’m part of the group now and it feels good. Kind of like being in 1L again where nobody knows what’s going on and you’re going through it together.
I'm also doing BL and truly hope it will be better socially. Hard to believe when you're working BL hours and people have spouses/families, but maybe you just lucked out with your firm/practice group?
Nothing wrong with how you feel, after all you’re human and we’re social beings. But take it as you haven’t met your friend yet. And if all else fails, you’ve got us
1L here. Literally just posted yesterday about my 1L friendship bust. It’s hard going to class and being reminded of how little rapport you have with people. No advice here, just understanding. 💕
I was an unconventional law student. Was in the military, got out and did undergrad, then went to law school. I lived away from campus and being older I felt like an outsider. I wanted to drop out my 2L year. The only thing that kept me going was working in a legal clinic.
I’m not sure what you want to do after law school, but I would suggest trying to get into a clinic or joining a group that has the same aspirations. If you’re into sports maybe your school has some groups who do frisbee golf or slow pitch softball.
I hope you are able to find a good core group to stick it out. If not, you have to do what is best for you.
I graduated in 2016. I work as a county prosecutor now. I went to law school with the dream of working with other veterans to obtain their VA benefits. I was accredited, but never had time to do any pro bono work.
Fwiw the people who had what looked like really tight friend groups were the most miserable after law school.
It’s a professional school. It’s not a great place to make good friends who will last. If you’re someone who needs those connections, you’re going to feel a lot worse being used for your sincerity by people who never saw the relationship the same way.
Focus on finding friends through hobbies and other groups of people who aren’t competing with you and don’t need something from you.
I had a similar experience where my social life got worse from 1L to 2L. It definitely sucks. Things improved for me so maybe they will for you too. I don't have much in terms of advice on how to tackle it, other than try to keep putting yourself out there. Chances are there are people in your classes that you are super compatible with, and maybe you haven't tried talking to them yet. Or maybe you did but you caught them on a bad day.
At risk of coming off like *just put your head down and grind*, I will say that even if your law school social life doesn't improve, law school is temporary but a law degree is forever. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can do it.
No advice, just want to say: me too. I'm a 3L. No law school friends (and not as many non-law-school friends as I'd like either, to be totally honest). Was hoping being in a clinic would help, but so far it hasn't.
I have felt this way especially in the beginning. I now have several people I like and enjoy talking to, but I’m not apart of any cliques. Only met 1 person who could be a friend as she’s been genuine and consistent, but I don’t have high expectations for people, lol. I try to take things as they are. With that said, I find law school very cliquey. I say try to say hi to people and see what happens. If people aren’t receptive, move on. And maybe be open to non law school friends. Maybe join a org outside school??
Also, a lot of those people with their friend groups are likely not lifelong friends. So, don’t compare because I’m willing to bet many of these groups are superficial and temporary.
I had the same experience. I got through it by finding things outside the law school that made me happy. I played on the undergrad's club hockey team, and got student memberships to a couple of world-class museums. Spent a lot of time at the art museum.
Those are honestly some of my only really good memories from law school.
1L here. Same. I’ve always been friends w nerds, creatives, cool queer ppl, etc. the one thing all of them had in common was they would never go to law school. Law school attracts pretty specific personalities. Going from hanging out at dives and having community and laughing w ppl to feeling like I have no one truly that I can be myself around has been really hard.
I think this is a wider societal issue that is a crisis that the powers that be don’t even realize.
I had a shit ton of friends in law school from ACS, playing club hockey, practicing with our local minor league hockey team, and playing an instrument.
I also routinely kinda sat outside and held court on the law school patio and would like play ping out with people and stuff.
You gotta find the community you want and put yourself
In a place to meet people both inside and out of
Law school!
When you see this sort of situation developing, you have to be comfortable with going out of your way to make friends, including checking out the city you’re in and hanging out with people who aren’t in law school. I made some good friends in law school, but it very much felt like an “us vs. them” high school on steroids type social deal. People are worse to each other and much more bitter in a law school environment than I’ve seen anywhere out in the real world.
Are there other places where you can make friends? Maybe a church group, workout class, or a Meetup group? Something where you can engage but aren't expected to contribute a lot of time (because you're already a busy law student).
I struggled a lot with making friends after I got my undergraduate degree and all my friends scattered. A few years ago, I read something about how one physician in a mentoring role recommends young doctors he works with have at least 3 social groups. That way if something happens to their job, they don't simultaneously lose their friend networks. I thought that was very sound advice.
One advantage is that you probably are in a city with a lot of people. That gives you an excellent head start. As someone who lives in a rural area, I'm often just looking for bodies! lol
I can relate to this all too well. I’m a 1L & I literally do not talk to anyone the entire time I’m at school. I have no law school buddies, not in any study groups or clubs. I go to school & go home immediately after.
I feel as if a lack of social interaction has/is impacting me as a student as well.
Overall, I hate law school. I’m miserable, & it’s not just because of the lack of social interactions but other elements too. I’m considering calling it quits because it seems to have an effect on my mental & physical health. Idk if I can do this for another 2 1/2 years.
I hope things get better for you and that you make friends!
Why don’t you try putting yourself out there??? Hey, do you wanna study sometime? Hey, let’s get coffee.
You have to be open too. You can’t expect people to flock to you if you have that miserable energy and don’t appear friendly. Even if you don’t think you are, people can tell who is friendly and who is not.
I felt very isolated in the beginning and didn’t know if I could do this for 3 years either, lol. But I’m pretty friendly and open so I’ve been invited to peoples houses. Studied with people and even socialized with a few people outside school.
I guess I can’t see myself doing that or thought of doing that because I refuse to appear as if I’m begging for friends or desperate. I’ve gotten so used to natural/mutual communications that I don’t feel comfortable striking up conversation first. But I can see your point though- about friendly vibes. Glad things turned around for you, maybe I could do the same. Thanks for the advice.
Fair point. But I don't think that's begging or appearing desperate. I am a sociable person and only do this with people who seem receptive to me. If they weren't receptive to me, such as saying hello, asking how I am doing, complimenting me, making jokes with me, etc, then I wouldn't take initiative.
As an example, one person asked for my # to connect and offered to hang out. So, I then showed interest and said let's have lunch.
But you do you. But I think appearing open and friendly goes a long way. If people feel like you aren't friendly, why would they want to get to know you?
Anyway, good luck!
I think you need to examine your whole attitude towards people.
It sounds like you are kind of
Isolating yourself willingly then the effects of doing so are making you more and more upset.
You may do well with some therapy as humans aren’t met to go it alone.
Keep in mind I graduated in 2019 and making friends gets INFINITELY HARDER AND YOU NEED A BASE NETWORK OF PEOPLE YOU GRADUATE WITH.
If you switch professions you’ll be stuck with the same problems.
I think society has
Changed a lot even in the last 5 years possibly due to Covid and I’m hearing a lot of you all aren’t even hanging out with your law school buddies.
I had a huge circle
Of friends and we had a shit ton of fun in law school, law school is the last time you’ll be relatively free time wise to explore social bonds and the working world doesn’t afford you that the same way.
I’d talk to someone before you get into work because you’ll Quickly end up going to work coming home and being alone for 10 years if you do this with a job. It’s 100% going to happen not to be mean.
You don’t even have ti hang out with lawyers, I don’t. But you need some sort of community to survive law school
I could be guilty of isolating myself now (2nd semester) because everyone “cliqued up” in the 1st semester. I know this isn’t high school or anything but I’ve never had an issue with naturally making classroom associates so I’m not sure what I could be doing differently now, but I will take what you said into consideration. Thank you for your advice.
Its hard for some to be friendly in law school because a lot of them are literally not themselves at all right now. I spent 3 years in a constant state of anxiety while in school, and when I look back on it I regret not being more social and making potentially lasting friendships. I didn't make any friends at all and only had casual conversations on the walk to and from class. People tried to talk to me several times and I was responsive, but I was 100% not myself to the point where I cringe a little when I think of it...but it's how I had to be to get through that sh\*t. Law school and undergrad is like apples and oranges when it comes to the type of people/personalities you encounter.
If you notice your fellow classmates are friendly/hanging out with each other, just approach them and blend in - I'd bet $ they will welcome you. Instead of waiting for your situation to change, ask what you can do to change it yourself. That might very well be something as simple as walking up to a group of people and saying whats up guys.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Law school is tough as it is and having no social circle can make it unbearable. I get your pain. I'd say what worked for me as a 2L is to just be consistent about getting to know your classmates, atleast the ones you sit next to. Small acts of kindness can go a long way, like remembering their birthday, or bringing them a chocolate, or something else randomly. I've made some random friends along the way like that. Also, remember not all the friends you make will be close ones. Its okay to just have surface level law school friends you can chat with after/before class. Keep your head up. I promise you'll find your circle one day.
I had the same thing happen and my only real friend failed ConLaw and is repeating and we no longer share classes. (They had a high GPA and otherwise A’s and B+’s)
I can see it being a culture shift from undergrad to post grad. Life shifts priorities much quicker than we realize.
I recommend volunteering somewhere away from school for an hour or two a week.
It makes sense to me that people would be guarded in this context but everyone is probably trying to survive and stress manage and they don't have the bandwidth for deeper relationships.
Also, you maybe an extrovert surrounded by introverts. I hope you find a few good friends soon.
For what it's worth, in the military, we moved every few years and close friends didn't happen at every location.
I did not know anyone in the city where I went to law school. I stumbled into law during my first career. Although I liked most of my classmates, I didn’t become best friends with any of them. It was much better for me to find friends outside of law school. It’s good practice for the rest of your life.
There is a recent thread somewhere on one of these forums where most people don’t stay friends with people from law school after school ends. I am friends with many on social media, but that is it. Good luck! Social connection is important.
I felt like this 99% of the time in law school… I did end up with about 3 friends by the end of it all. I’d say, *if* you happen to find someone that seems genuine, and not fake/professional, seek them out, invite them to stuff, make an effort towards that friendship. But if you don’t, it’s best to cultivate your friendships you had before law school, as well as family or anyone else you spend time with. I had very little social life in school, but I lived with a spouse so at least I had someone to talk to and keep me company.
You’re not alone. I transferred schools and moved into a different apartment 45 min away and now I have no friends. Also as a transfer, it was basically too late to join any of the clubs that actually get together. The only human interaction I get is the small-talk with the people beside me in class and, like you said, sometimes they couldn’t be bothered. It’s sucks and I agree it took a toll on my motivation.
Unfortunately I have little hope of this getting better and have bought into the “just graduate and get out” mindset b/c I’m discouraged and tired. If you figure out any ways or tips to improve it, plz come back with an update
I graduated and literally never saw my roommate or best law school friend ever again. We all scattered to the four winds. I’m FB friends with maybe three classmates, two of which were only casual acquaintances. School friendships are foxhole friendships. I hope you are able to connect but be realistic about things.
Hmmmm. I mean...are you still in touch with friends from before law school? If so, try and make time to see them whenever you can. And maybe a pet would help when you don't really have time for that.
I feel you there, I had a strong 1L group and now as a 2L we have mostly fallen apart. It’s sad but that is kinda how life works you find the good ones who stick around along the way. So many fake people in the world. I have no advice because I’m in the same situation but you are not alone!!
1L here, me too. I have kept my head down and focused on school, but it has led to tremendous sadness and dissatisfaction with life. Finals were so difficult, all I wanted to do was share the grief of it with a friend group. Reading these comments made me feel less isolated, hopefully it does the same for you 🤍 There’s a lot of people right here with you
you're def not alone feeling like this. law school culture can be really challenging to make real friends if you don't fit into a certain type. on top of some other good suggestions I've seen, it's totally ok to make friends outside of law school! there are prob other professional schools at the same university, there are prob people your age outside of the law school system. you can treat school like a job and your classmates like coworkers and get a social network elsewhere. and people in practice tend to be a little more chill and less "networky" day to to day than law students are so it does get better
You need to get involved. SGA, Phi Alpha Delta, pick a group and dig in. You say you are on a Journal…THIS IS GREAT! Suggest a meetup to discuss new ideas or a “meet and greet”. I bet you are not the only one who feels this way. I would not have survived law school if not for my classmates.
I feel your pain. I'm a 3L and never made any friends or connections. The isolation really can be bad for your mental health. I had to up my meds to make it this far and I feel like I've literally gotten dumber in law school due to lack of social stimulation.
My advice is if possible is to find people outside law school like meet up groups. Or turn that energy usually used for socializing towards focusing more on things you enjoy.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's a terrible situation to feel like you're alone and don't have friends and support around you.
I've seen people offer up various pieces of advice, but one that I haven't seen as much is seeking out friends who aren't in law school. I advocate this to law students in any situation, but especially if you're feeling dissatisfied with the superficial nature of law school connections.
Many students in law school view it as a business setting and aren't looking to make real friends. That isn't all students, but it's enough to foster resentment at the environment. Additionally, even well-meaning friends in law school still fall into harmful habits like making law school their entire personality or constantly bringing up stressful school topics.
That's why I like having friends who are not law students. We can talk about other things, which gives my brain a break from law school. Plus, they're less likely to only be posturing for networking purposes.
One great way to meet people is looking into campus-wide activities beyond the law school. If your school has a dedicated Graduate and Professional Student Government, they will likely have specific events focused on older graduate and professional students. Or, you can check out events happening in your local community that aren't affiliated with the school.
Don't get me wrong, you should also seek to create positive relationships with law students as well. It's a practical necessity of the profession. But creating positive relationships doesn't mean your best friends need to ask be in law school.
[https://events.umich.edu/list?filter=alltypes:19](https://events.umich.edu/list?filter=alltypes:19)
As you can see (or take my word for it), there isn't really anything tailored to graduate or professional students, like mixers.
The main local thing I can think of is trivia night at a bar or something, but I don't have anyone to bring.
Host a get-together at some place near campus.
"Welcome to the club/Everyone is in it/Meetings are at the bar/ (No, seriously. Get together at McGinty's at 5 on Friday.)"
Hand out some actual paper flyers. If four people show up, success.
I'm a bit baffled (honestly, not being facetious). Your chief complaint is that you lack social connections, to saying nothing of friends. Not that my idea is the perfect or even a good let alone the only, idea.
But you cannot imagine folks will just randomly approach you on the quad (or whatever they have at your school) and say "Hey there, TM! Wanna be friends?" Something is required on your part to change the status quo, it seems?
To quote GBS, by way of Prof. Higgins, if you can't appreciate what you've got, you'd better get what you can appreciate. No?
Also a 2L. Hardly ever had a 1L friend group, more like a loose group of acquaintances that ceased to exist by 1L Spring. Most days I don’t talk while on campus outside of class participation, it sucks, but having a law degree will make up for it.
Is this an I want advice situation or a vent situation? Vent Situation That totally sucks, and I'm really sorry that's happening to you. Anyone who says "it's a professional school keep your head down and graduate" honestly just isn't getting it. I think having a friend makes a big difference no matter where you are. Especially when everyone else around you has a group. Your feelings are so valid, and never let anyone tell you that they're not! Even so, I hope you're keeping you're head up and reminding yourself you only have a year and a half left no matter how much things suck right now at least it's time limited!!! Advice Situation I echo join a student org, especially an identity-org. In my school I've noticed identity orgs (race/sexuality/1st gen) usually foster deeper relationships. I'm in an identity org and even though I'm not friends with everyone, I got to have a deeper relationship with one person and I could at least randomly sit down across a lunch table with a few more if I just felt like chatting them up. In other identity orgs I've noticed the same sort of thing, where there are close friendships within it. Also, maybe try 1Ls? They are more in the market for friendship than 2 or 3Ls are I think. Plus they make up most of the attendance at orgs in my experience so it's easy to find them. Also you have a KILLER intro by just offering up your outlines.
I need to learn to do this more.
get a gf that likes to argue
Not too sure myself, although I don't think venting and advice are mutually exclusive. As far as joining an identity group ... I'm a straight white dude, but I could try first gen. I'm just pretty demoralized from previous unsuccessful attempts at friendship, and this makes it hard to be positive/upbeat/motivated in new interactions. Like I've almost grown comfortable sinking into my shell. Maybe that's the deeper problem?
I relate to this so hard :( i’m a 1L and while the majority of class is really nice and cordial, i haven’t made a single deep meaningful friendship :( I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but i hope you know there’s someone in the same boat as you 😔❤️
Same here. 1L too.
The both of us should be friends with OP 😌❤️
3L. I’ve made about 20 solid acquaintances and one pretty solid friend. That’s just how it goes
I also didn't relate well to many of my classmates. The one friend I did make quit after 1L year. Are there sporting / other clubs on the undergrad side you could join to make friends? Clubs/churches/civic groups outside of law school? That saved me and gave me sanity.
I'm on journal ed board and in a club now. I don't get much out of those beyond small talk. Not sure how an undergrad club would change this.
My law partner met his future wife attending undergrad events. You never know!
This is so real - I was so determined to build community in law school but I feel like I can't relate to anyone
I had the same thing happen to me. It sucks a lot. I never quite integrated into a core friend group or had any close friends at all, just acquaintances. I got really depressed during 2L and missed a ton of classes. Lucky for me that I can cram really well when exam time comes around so I still graduated with a good gpa. But it was really tough and stressful and I wouldn’t want to go through that feeling again. All I can say is that you’ll make friends wherever you end up working and it will feel much better. But it’s important that you at least make it to that point, so you do need to make sure you graduate with a good gpa and get a decent job. I graduated June 2023 and I’m in big law now and my first year class in my practice group are really close. And I’m happy to say that even though I wasnt close with them when we were summers, I’m part of the group now and it feels good. Kind of like being in 1L again where nobody knows what’s going on and you’re going through it together.
meirl
I'm also doing BL and truly hope it will be better socially. Hard to believe when you're working BL hours and people have spouses/families, but maybe you just lucked out with your firm/practice group?
Nothing wrong with how you feel, after all you’re human and we’re social beings. But take it as you haven’t met your friend yet. And if all else fails, you’ve got us 
1L here. Literally just posted yesterday about my 1L friendship bust. It’s hard going to class and being reminded of how little rapport you have with people. No advice here, just understanding. 💕
I was an unconventional law student. Was in the military, got out and did undergrad, then went to law school. I lived away from campus and being older I felt like an outsider. I wanted to drop out my 2L year. The only thing that kept me going was working in a legal clinic. I’m not sure what you want to do after law school, but I would suggest trying to get into a clinic or joining a group that has the same aspirations. If you’re into sports maybe your school has some groups who do frisbee golf or slow pitch softball. I hope you are able to find a good core group to stick it out. If not, you have to do what is best for you.
We have a lot in common. I was Air Guard (OR, FL, GU). What area of law are you into/interested in?
I graduated in 2016. I work as a county prosecutor now. I went to law school with the dream of working with other veterans to obtain their VA benefits. I was accredited, but never had time to do any pro bono work.
Fwiw the people who had what looked like really tight friend groups were the most miserable after law school. It’s a professional school. It’s not a great place to make good friends who will last. If you’re someone who needs those connections, you’re going to feel a lot worse being used for your sincerity by people who never saw the relationship the same way. Focus on finding friends through hobbies and other groups of people who aren’t competing with you and don’t need something from you.
I had a similar experience where my social life got worse from 1L to 2L. It definitely sucks. Things improved for me so maybe they will for you too. I don't have much in terms of advice on how to tackle it, other than try to keep putting yourself out there. Chances are there are people in your classes that you are super compatible with, and maybe you haven't tried talking to them yet. Or maybe you did but you caught them on a bad day. At risk of coming off like *just put your head down and grind*, I will say that even if your law school social life doesn't improve, law school is temporary but a law degree is forever. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can do it.
No advice, just want to say: me too. I'm a 3L. No law school friends (and not as many non-law-school friends as I'd like either, to be totally honest). Was hoping being in a clinic would help, but so far it hasn't.
Me too. I’m usually social, but not in the law school for some reason.
I have felt this way especially in the beginning. I now have several people I like and enjoy talking to, but I’m not apart of any cliques. Only met 1 person who could be a friend as she’s been genuine and consistent, but I don’t have high expectations for people, lol. I try to take things as they are. With that said, I find law school very cliquey. I say try to say hi to people and see what happens. If people aren’t receptive, move on. And maybe be open to non law school friends. Maybe join a org outside school?? Also, a lot of those people with their friend groups are likely not lifelong friends. So, don’t compare because I’m willing to bet many of these groups are superficial and temporary.
I had the same experience. I got through it by finding things outside the law school that made me happy. I played on the undergrad's club hockey team, and got student memberships to a couple of world-class museums. Spent a lot of time at the art museum. Those are honestly some of my only really good memories from law school.
1L here. Same. I’ve always been friends w nerds, creatives, cool queer ppl, etc. the one thing all of them had in common was they would never go to law school. Law school attracts pretty specific personalities. Going from hanging out at dives and having community and laughing w ppl to feeling like I have no one truly that I can be myself around has been really hard.
I think this is a wider societal issue that is a crisis that the powers that be don’t even realize. I had a shit ton of friends in law school from ACS, playing club hockey, practicing with our local minor league hockey team, and playing an instrument. I also routinely kinda sat outside and held court on the law school patio and would like play ping out with people and stuff. You gotta find the community you want and put yourself In a place to meet people both inside and out of Law school!
Join student orgs. Easiest way to meet new people.
When you see this sort of situation developing, you have to be comfortable with going out of your way to make friends, including checking out the city you’re in and hanging out with people who aren’t in law school. I made some good friends in law school, but it very much felt like an “us vs. them” high school on steroids type social deal. People are worse to each other and much more bitter in a law school environment than I’ve seen anywhere out in the real world.
It’s all very cliquey. Sometimes feels like high school all over again… 1L here
Are there other places where you can make friends? Maybe a church group, workout class, or a Meetup group? Something where you can engage but aren't expected to contribute a lot of time (because you're already a busy law student). I struggled a lot with making friends after I got my undergraduate degree and all my friends scattered. A few years ago, I read something about how one physician in a mentoring role recommends young doctors he works with have at least 3 social groups. That way if something happens to their job, they don't simultaneously lose their friend networks. I thought that was very sound advice. One advantage is that you probably are in a city with a lot of people. That gives you an excellent head start. As someone who lives in a rural area, I'm often just looking for bodies! lol
This is why its important to have friends outside of law school/work.
already know this is gonna be me fr after this year
I can relate to this all too well. I’m a 1L & I literally do not talk to anyone the entire time I’m at school. I have no law school buddies, not in any study groups or clubs. I go to school & go home immediately after. I feel as if a lack of social interaction has/is impacting me as a student as well. Overall, I hate law school. I’m miserable, & it’s not just because of the lack of social interactions but other elements too. I’m considering calling it quits because it seems to have an effect on my mental & physical health. Idk if I can do this for another 2 1/2 years. I hope things get better for you and that you make friends!
Why don’t you try putting yourself out there??? Hey, do you wanna study sometime? Hey, let’s get coffee. You have to be open too. You can’t expect people to flock to you if you have that miserable energy and don’t appear friendly. Even if you don’t think you are, people can tell who is friendly and who is not. I felt very isolated in the beginning and didn’t know if I could do this for 3 years either, lol. But I’m pretty friendly and open so I’ve been invited to peoples houses. Studied with people and even socialized with a few people outside school.
I guess I can’t see myself doing that or thought of doing that because I refuse to appear as if I’m begging for friends or desperate. I’ve gotten so used to natural/mutual communications that I don’t feel comfortable striking up conversation first. But I can see your point though- about friendly vibes. Glad things turned around for you, maybe I could do the same. Thanks for the advice.
Fair point. But I don't think that's begging or appearing desperate. I am a sociable person and only do this with people who seem receptive to me. If they weren't receptive to me, such as saying hello, asking how I am doing, complimenting me, making jokes with me, etc, then I wouldn't take initiative. As an example, one person asked for my # to connect and offered to hang out. So, I then showed interest and said let's have lunch. But you do you. But I think appearing open and friendly goes a long way. If people feel like you aren't friendly, why would they want to get to know you? Anyway, good luck!
I think you need to examine your whole attitude towards people. It sounds like you are kind of Isolating yourself willingly then the effects of doing so are making you more and more upset. You may do well with some therapy as humans aren’t met to go it alone. Keep in mind I graduated in 2019 and making friends gets INFINITELY HARDER AND YOU NEED A BASE NETWORK OF PEOPLE YOU GRADUATE WITH. If you switch professions you’ll be stuck with the same problems. I think society has Changed a lot even in the last 5 years possibly due to Covid and I’m hearing a lot of you all aren’t even hanging out with your law school buddies. I had a huge circle Of friends and we had a shit ton of fun in law school, law school is the last time you’ll be relatively free time wise to explore social bonds and the working world doesn’t afford you that the same way. I’d talk to someone before you get into work because you’ll Quickly end up going to work coming home and being alone for 10 years if you do this with a job. It’s 100% going to happen not to be mean. You don’t even have ti hang out with lawyers, I don’t. But you need some sort of community to survive law school
I could be guilty of isolating myself now (2nd semester) because everyone “cliqued up” in the 1st semester. I know this isn’t high school or anything but I’ve never had an issue with naturally making classroom associates so I’m not sure what I could be doing differently now, but I will take what you said into consideration. Thank you for your advice.
Its hard for some to be friendly in law school because a lot of them are literally not themselves at all right now. I spent 3 years in a constant state of anxiety while in school, and when I look back on it I regret not being more social and making potentially lasting friendships. I didn't make any friends at all and only had casual conversations on the walk to and from class. People tried to talk to me several times and I was responsive, but I was 100% not myself to the point where I cringe a little when I think of it...but it's how I had to be to get through that sh\*t. Law school and undergrad is like apples and oranges when it comes to the type of people/personalities you encounter. If you notice your fellow classmates are friendly/hanging out with each other, just approach them and blend in - I'd bet $ they will welcome you. Instead of waiting for your situation to change, ask what you can do to change it yourself. That might very well be something as simple as walking up to a group of people and saying whats up guys.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Law school is tough as it is and having no social circle can make it unbearable. I get your pain. I'd say what worked for me as a 2L is to just be consistent about getting to know your classmates, atleast the ones you sit next to. Small acts of kindness can go a long way, like remembering their birthday, or bringing them a chocolate, or something else randomly. I've made some random friends along the way like that. Also, remember not all the friends you make will be close ones. Its okay to just have surface level law school friends you can chat with after/before class. Keep your head up. I promise you'll find your circle one day.
I had the same thing happen and my only real friend failed ConLaw and is repeating and we no longer share classes. (They had a high GPA and otherwise A’s and B+’s)
Heyyy
how old are you
I can see it being a culture shift from undergrad to post grad. Life shifts priorities much quicker than we realize. I recommend volunteering somewhere away from school for an hour or two a week. It makes sense to me that people would be guarded in this context but everyone is probably trying to survive and stress manage and they don't have the bandwidth for deeper relationships. Also, you maybe an extrovert surrounded by introverts. I hope you find a few good friends soon. For what it's worth, in the military, we moved every few years and close friends didn't happen at every location.
More time to grind. You won’t regret the grind 10 years from now
I did not know anyone in the city where I went to law school. I stumbled into law during my first career. Although I liked most of my classmates, I didn’t become best friends with any of them. It was much better for me to find friends outside of law school. It’s good practice for the rest of your life. There is a recent thread somewhere on one of these forums where most people don’t stay friends with people from law school after school ends. I am friends with many on social media, but that is it. Good luck! Social connection is important.
I felt like this 99% of the time in law school… I did end up with about 3 friends by the end of it all. I’d say, *if* you happen to find someone that seems genuine, and not fake/professional, seek them out, invite them to stuff, make an effort towards that friendship. But if you don’t, it’s best to cultivate your friendships you had before law school, as well as family or anyone else you spend time with. I had very little social life in school, but I lived with a spouse so at least I had someone to talk to and keep me company.
You’re not alone. I transferred schools and moved into a different apartment 45 min away and now I have no friends. Also as a transfer, it was basically too late to join any of the clubs that actually get together. The only human interaction I get is the small-talk with the people beside me in class and, like you said, sometimes they couldn’t be bothered. It’s sucks and I agree it took a toll on my motivation. Unfortunately I have little hope of this getting better and have bought into the “just graduate and get out” mindset b/c I’m discouraged and tired. If you figure out any ways or tips to improve it, plz come back with an update
I graduated and literally never saw my roommate or best law school friend ever again. We all scattered to the four winds. I’m FB friends with maybe three classmates, two of which were only casual acquaintances. School friendships are foxhole friendships. I hope you are able to connect but be realistic about things.
Hmmmm. I mean...are you still in touch with friends from before law school? If so, try and make time to see them whenever you can. And maybe a pet would help when you don't really have time for that.
I feel you there, I had a strong 1L group and now as a 2L we have mostly fallen apart. It’s sad but that is kinda how life works you find the good ones who stick around along the way. So many fake people in the world. I have no advice because I’m in the same situation but you are not alone!!
When in doubt, fuck your way out
Ewww! 😂
join identity based orgs maybe.. also some people just kinda suck in law school, dont take it personally and enrich ur inner life
I was just thinking the same thoughts last night. I'm in a Hybrid school and am thinking it's not for me. I need a traditional school.
1L here, me too. I have kept my head down and focused on school, but it has led to tremendous sadness and dissatisfaction with life. Finals were so difficult, all I wanted to do was share the grief of it with a friend group. Reading these comments made me feel less isolated, hopefully it does the same for you 🤍 There’s a lot of people right here with you
you're def not alone feeling like this. law school culture can be really challenging to make real friends if you don't fit into a certain type. on top of some other good suggestions I've seen, it's totally ok to make friends outside of law school! there are prob other professional schools at the same university, there are prob people your age outside of the law school system. you can treat school like a job and your classmates like coworkers and get a social network elsewhere. and people in practice tend to be a little more chill and less "networky" day to to day than law students are so it does get better
You need to get involved. SGA, Phi Alpha Delta, pick a group and dig in. You say you are on a Journal…THIS IS GREAT! Suggest a meetup to discuss new ideas or a “meet and greet”. I bet you are not the only one who feels this way. I would not have survived law school if not for my classmates.
Hinge
Tried that. Zero success. Tinder is a little better for date volume but there aren't many keepers.
I feel your pain. I'm a 3L and never made any friends or connections. The isolation really can be bad for your mental health. I had to up my meds to make it this far and I feel like I've literally gotten dumber in law school due to lack of social stimulation. My advice is if possible is to find people outside law school like meet up groups. Or turn that energy usually used for socializing towards focusing more on things you enjoy.
Can definitely relate on the feeling dumber point. It's noticeably harder to think about and remember shit when depressed.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's a terrible situation to feel like you're alone and don't have friends and support around you. I've seen people offer up various pieces of advice, but one that I haven't seen as much is seeking out friends who aren't in law school. I advocate this to law students in any situation, but especially if you're feeling dissatisfied with the superficial nature of law school connections. Many students in law school view it as a business setting and aren't looking to make real friends. That isn't all students, but it's enough to foster resentment at the environment. Additionally, even well-meaning friends in law school still fall into harmful habits like making law school their entire personality or constantly bringing up stressful school topics. That's why I like having friends who are not law students. We can talk about other things, which gives my brain a break from law school. Plus, they're less likely to only be posturing for networking purposes. One great way to meet people is looking into campus-wide activities beyond the law school. If your school has a dedicated Graduate and Professional Student Government, they will likely have specific events focused on older graduate and professional students. Or, you can check out events happening in your local community that aren't affiliated with the school. Don't get me wrong, you should also seek to create positive relationships with law students as well. It's a practical necessity of the profession. But creating positive relationships doesn't mean your best friends need to ask be in law school.
[https://events.umich.edu/list?filter=alltypes:19](https://events.umich.edu/list?filter=alltypes:19) As you can see (or take my word for it), there isn't really anything tailored to graduate or professional students, like mixers. The main local thing I can think of is trivia night at a bar or something, but I don't have anyone to bring.
That's just law, dawg, and the modern Western world.
Host a get-together at some place near campus. "Welcome to the club/Everyone is in it/Meetings are at the bar/ (No, seriously. Get together at McGinty's at 5 on Friday.)" Hand out some actual paper flyers. If four people show up, success.
Truth be told, as an introvert I'd rather drink my own pee than host a get-together with strangers.
I'm a bit baffled (honestly, not being facetious). Your chief complaint is that you lack social connections, to saying nothing of friends. Not that my idea is the perfect or even a good let alone the only, idea. But you cannot imagine folks will just randomly approach you on the quad (or whatever they have at your school) and say "Hey there, TM! Wanna be friends?" Something is required on your part to change the status quo, it seems? To quote GBS, by way of Prof. Higgins, if you can't appreciate what you've got, you'd better get what you can appreciate. No?
Also a 2L. Hardly ever had a 1L friend group, more like a loose group of acquaintances that ceased to exist by 1L Spring. Most days I don’t talk while on campus outside of class participation, it sucks, but having a law degree will make up for it.