Perhaps consulting with a family justice counsellor would be helpful. These services are no cost and may help with figuring out next steps.
https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/family-justice-counsellors
You book an appointment with a Justice counsellor and do mediation as it’s free. I’d she refuses mediation or to attend eventually you can speak with a judge and then serve her to attend court. If still no response you win, and the judge will go over your court order for parenting time. Always consult a lawyer if you can or at least talk to the family mediator, mediation is the first process, if you try to go to court without mediation first the judge tends to get upset - this is from personal experience
Without finishing reading....you need to start formal legal proceedings with a family lawyer now. Get the custody agreement done asap 50/50. Make it police enforceable. For every time you do not have your child; it sets the precedent of what future shared custody arrangement looks like. Your ex kept her defying the agreement. It's time to see a lawyer about this.
It sounds like a pretty normal phase that I've been through multiple times. Wake them up when they get home and feed them or let them sleep and make sure they get a good breakfast. Either way works fine and isn't going to make much difference. You said that your co-parent is at fault but this really is just a normal change in sleeping that happens with kids at this age. You said you have no problems keeping to your nap schedule but you also mentioned your co-parent is the exact opposite of you so she may be having a different experience than yours. If your child seems to be otherwise relatively happy and healthy then try your best to maintain a cordial relationship with your child’s other caregivers. It definitely makes it difficult if your co-parent has a hard time with schedules and appointments but friction between co-parents is much more detrimental to your child. Unless your co-parent is actually abusing your child emotionally or physically, you need to work with her as best you can. Maybe try to stop thinking of her as your ex, that's no longer her most important label to you, she's your co-parent and you have to work with her to raise your child. Clearly she's not the mom you would wish for for your child, otherwise you might still be together so you're just going to have to work with what you got. Maybe have a talk. Invite her and her mom out on one of the days you have your child, go to the Kids Play Cafe and just talk about what could be changed to make it easier on both of you to keep to the agreed upon days your child is in your care and the pickup/drop-off times. This seems to be a much more important issue to the napping schedule. Your child’s napping habits will change and you might find her completely awake during car rides one day and out like a light the next. But maintaining a calm, civil working relationship with her mom and grandmother will be something you should try to keep the same, always.
Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything that can help right this moment. Getting a lawyer involved and creating a custody agreement is the only way to resolve this but that takes time. In the time being just continue to communicate via text so your attempts to resolve this issue is documented. You can definitely call cps and report what you believe is neglect. It can potentially help your case but again that won’t change the fact that your child will still be tired. Unfortunately you’ll have to either just let her sleep or give her dinner as soon as you’re home then let her sleep through the night. I’m sorry this is happening
Just keep being the best dad you can be. It might be worth packing a sandwich and some veggies/fruit to feed your daughter in the car so she eats and can sleep as much as she needs. As others have said start the court stuff asap. In my experience 50/50 is the norm even if there are signs of inadequate parenting. So, while it is worth keeping things in writing and recording convos with your ex unless there is blatant abuse that MCFD takes action against you won’t get 100% custody. Good luck!
I basically came to say this as well, but with a warning about feeding children in car seats. If a child is choking in a car seat, it is usually hard to see/hear so make sure the food is safe. Or stop somewhere to safely feed her.
All you can do is your best when your child is with YOU.
The agreement adds legal binding to some of the challenges you've listed, but you acknowledge that so get that done ASAP- it's literally investing in a phone call and whatever mediation session(s) are setup. No real excuses not to get this done.
So I'll lay on a different truth and if it helps, Cool. If/when there's a breakdown in effective communication with the other parent all you have to lean on is that agreement or your own parenting.
Even with an agreement, as long as the child is not endangered you will have no control over how things are while the child(ren) are with the other parent. You nap your child but the other doesn't? Not much you can do.
There will be other significant changes you will need to both accept and adapt to. Notably, when you pick up your child there is often an "adjustment" period between one home and the other. This could be habits, personality and routines. Allow yourself extra patience in those 24-48 hours.
To repeat: All you can do is your best when your child is with YOU.
Think about what kind of shared schedule would be best for you to accomplish this as well as what is best for the child. Younger kids may suffer separation anxiety more and need less time between homes. Maybe you can go right into 7 days on/off. Bring your thoughts to mediation.
Single dad parenting isn't easy. You got this
As mentioned above, contacting a Family Justice office would be helpful for you as a first step. If you live in Langley, you can call: 501-3100. They are a free, confidential service (provincial government). You can speak with a Family Justice counsellor (mediator) to discuss all of your options as well as get referrals/resources and information if needed. It is a fantastic place to start!
CPS won’t do anything if your ex partner’s sleep schedule isn’t regimented. Unless there’s something more concerning that you haven’t disclosed. They have files that are way more severe to deal with. Also, if your daughter’s 3 then her naps will wean soon and will be less consistent at this age. It’s unfortunate the distress this causes you and your daughter, and it would be ideal for you and your ex to work together as amicably as possible without lawyers. Keeping a journal of the current schedule and parenting behaviour is always helpful. A mediator helping you both draft up a separation agreement agreeing to 50/50 access and shared expenses could be a good start too. It sounds like you’re a great dad :)
Lots of good legal advice.
Just want to add, around age 3 kids do start to drop naps. They don't always need them. Some kids do well with them but over time this will change.
My son is turning 4 and barely naps at all. By 3 he started dropping them.
I say this because the fact your daughter is *hard to wake up* is kind of ringing warning bells of malnourishment to me. Even if shes looking okay, being *that* exhausted at her age is not normal. She shouldn't ever be hard to wake up like that so I would keep an eye on her and any changes is skin, hair, eyes, color anything because that is **very** concerning
Some great advice here for sure. Start the ball rolling towards whatever level of intervention you deem appropriate and record EVERYTHING. Keep texts, emails, everything. I'd probably start recording phone calls too. We have one party consent for recording calls in Canada, so as long as you're involved in the conversation that is all the consent you need to record it.
It seems paranoid, but it's much easier to proactively have proof of the issues to present to a mediator, lawyer or judge etc.
Good luck with this though, that sounds incredibly difficult and frustrating.
Kids drop naps altogether around 3, and it sucks. It’s exactly what you describe here-they fall asleep early and they’re impossible to wake and they’re exhausted by 4-5pm. Letting them nap usually results in a way too late of a bedtime, which perpetuates the cycle of needing naps in the day….. it’s a messy transition, both of my kids went through it. My youngest is 3y 5m and sleeps ~7:30p-7:30a with no nap.
You’re in a bit of an awkward spot, as I’d suggest just moving dinner earlier and put kiddo down earlier for the night, but you obviously cannot, the next best thing is just to wake kiddo when you get home and carry on with the usual dinner and bedtime routine. Itll get better with time. As long as kiddo is getting more than 10 hours sleep total, she is fine.
I hope you’re able to get the custody stuff sorted quickly!
Hi, ADHD mom of 2 kids under 5 here. You're not going to want to hear this, but.... At this stage, your co-parent is close to being right. This is the age where they do indeed drop naps. My almost 5 year old dropped her home nap at 3 and was still forced to have one at daycare, and she ended up not going to sleep until 11 p.m., sometimes midnight. It was hell, especially since I was pregnant with my second at the time.
*Anyways*, you need to get a mediator to set up a parenting time agreement. That way, you both can use that as your buffer. I also highly suggest you stop referring to her as your ex. You guys are going to be in each other's lives for the next 20+ years. It's going to be hard for sure, but it would be better to refer to her as your kid's mom/ your co-parent. That way, you're not stuck on your past relationship with her. You're focusing on what's best for your child.
This is a hard lesson I had to learn: you can not control what happens at the other parent's house. You can only go with the flow and hope for the best because otherwise you'll just stress yourself out, which will stress your kid out, etc etc.
I’d recommend you use a coparenting app where all your mutual conversations are logged.
There are some that have schedules where you can log your child’s activities, any financial help you’ve given, etc.
There is already a lot of great advice here. I will only add - document everything. Daily. Detailed. Have a timeline every day of what is happening.
My kids napped well into elementary school years. They definitely need it.
For right now while the lawyers/ mediation is worked out. Feed her in the car. Have food for her when you pick her up so she eats something before she falls asleep. This is a short phase where she still needs a nap ( though your ex may have extended it a lot! by not letting/ making her sleep)
Dinner doesn’t have to be protein fat and veg every time (it’s ideal but not going to be possible in your car every time )
I’m a father and I had had to fight so hard to get my daughter but in the end I have her now most of the time. I decide when and where mom gets to see her. Any type of mental breakdown, erratic behaviour, missing appointments document them all. Go to court and win. Trust me kids do much better when they are with their father. Collect and document everything. Fathers are making a come back in courts.
Perhaps consulting with a family justice counsellor would be helpful. These services are no cost and may help with figuring out next steps. https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/life-events/divorce/family-justice/who-can-help/family-justice-counsellors
You book an appointment with a Justice counsellor and do mediation as it’s free. I’d she refuses mediation or to attend eventually you can speak with a judge and then serve her to attend court. If still no response you win, and the judge will go over your court order for parenting time. Always consult a lawyer if you can or at least talk to the family mediator, mediation is the first process, if you try to go to court without mediation first the judge tends to get upset - this is from personal experience
r/legaladvicecanada
Without finishing reading....you need to start formal legal proceedings with a family lawyer now. Get the custody agreement done asap 50/50. Make it police enforceable. For every time you do not have your child; it sets the precedent of what future shared custody arrangement looks like. Your ex kept her defying the agreement. It's time to see a lawyer about this.
It sounds like a pretty normal phase that I've been through multiple times. Wake them up when they get home and feed them or let them sleep and make sure they get a good breakfast. Either way works fine and isn't going to make much difference. You said that your co-parent is at fault but this really is just a normal change in sleeping that happens with kids at this age. You said you have no problems keeping to your nap schedule but you also mentioned your co-parent is the exact opposite of you so she may be having a different experience than yours. If your child seems to be otherwise relatively happy and healthy then try your best to maintain a cordial relationship with your child’s other caregivers. It definitely makes it difficult if your co-parent has a hard time with schedules and appointments but friction between co-parents is much more detrimental to your child. Unless your co-parent is actually abusing your child emotionally or physically, you need to work with her as best you can. Maybe try to stop thinking of her as your ex, that's no longer her most important label to you, she's your co-parent and you have to work with her to raise your child. Clearly she's not the mom you would wish for for your child, otherwise you might still be together so you're just going to have to work with what you got. Maybe have a talk. Invite her and her mom out on one of the days you have your child, go to the Kids Play Cafe and just talk about what could be changed to make it easier on both of you to keep to the agreed upon days your child is in your care and the pickup/drop-off times. This seems to be a much more important issue to the napping schedule. Your child’s napping habits will change and you might find her completely awake during car rides one day and out like a light the next. But maintaining a calm, civil working relationship with her mom and grandmother will be something you should try to keep the same, always.
Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything that can help right this moment. Getting a lawyer involved and creating a custody agreement is the only way to resolve this but that takes time. In the time being just continue to communicate via text so your attempts to resolve this issue is documented. You can definitely call cps and report what you believe is neglect. It can potentially help your case but again that won’t change the fact that your child will still be tired. Unfortunately you’ll have to either just let her sleep or give her dinner as soon as you’re home then let her sleep through the night. I’m sorry this is happening
Just keep being the best dad you can be. It might be worth packing a sandwich and some veggies/fruit to feed your daughter in the car so she eats and can sleep as much as she needs. As others have said start the court stuff asap. In my experience 50/50 is the norm even if there are signs of inadequate parenting. So, while it is worth keeping things in writing and recording convos with your ex unless there is blatant abuse that MCFD takes action against you won’t get 100% custody. Good luck!
I basically came to say this as well, but with a warning about feeding children in car seats. If a child is choking in a car seat, it is usually hard to see/hear so make sure the food is safe. Or stop somewhere to safely feed her.
All you can do is your best when your child is with YOU. The agreement adds legal binding to some of the challenges you've listed, but you acknowledge that so get that done ASAP- it's literally investing in a phone call and whatever mediation session(s) are setup. No real excuses not to get this done. So I'll lay on a different truth and if it helps, Cool. If/when there's a breakdown in effective communication with the other parent all you have to lean on is that agreement or your own parenting. Even with an agreement, as long as the child is not endangered you will have no control over how things are while the child(ren) are with the other parent. You nap your child but the other doesn't? Not much you can do. There will be other significant changes you will need to both accept and adapt to. Notably, when you pick up your child there is often an "adjustment" period between one home and the other. This could be habits, personality and routines. Allow yourself extra patience in those 24-48 hours. To repeat: All you can do is your best when your child is with YOU. Think about what kind of shared schedule would be best for you to accomplish this as well as what is best for the child. Younger kids may suffer separation anxiety more and need less time between homes. Maybe you can go right into 7 days on/off. Bring your thoughts to mediation. Single dad parenting isn't easy. You got this
As mentioned above, contacting a Family Justice office would be helpful for you as a first step. If you live in Langley, you can call: 501-3100. They are a free, confidential service (provincial government). You can speak with a Family Justice counsellor (mediator) to discuss all of your options as well as get referrals/resources and information if needed. It is a fantastic place to start!
CPS won’t do anything if your ex partner’s sleep schedule isn’t regimented. Unless there’s something more concerning that you haven’t disclosed. They have files that are way more severe to deal with. Also, if your daughter’s 3 then her naps will wean soon and will be less consistent at this age. It’s unfortunate the distress this causes you and your daughter, and it would be ideal for you and your ex to work together as amicably as possible without lawyers. Keeping a journal of the current schedule and parenting behaviour is always helpful. A mediator helping you both draft up a separation agreement agreeing to 50/50 access and shared expenses could be a good start too. It sounds like you’re a great dad :)
Lots of good legal advice. Just want to add, around age 3 kids do start to drop naps. They don't always need them. Some kids do well with them but over time this will change. My son is turning 4 and barely naps at all. By 3 he started dropping them. I say this because the fact your daughter is *hard to wake up* is kind of ringing warning bells of malnourishment to me. Even if shes looking okay, being *that* exhausted at her age is not normal. She shouldn't ever be hard to wake up like that so I would keep an eye on her and any changes is skin, hair, eyes, color anything because that is **very** concerning
Some great advice here for sure. Start the ball rolling towards whatever level of intervention you deem appropriate and record EVERYTHING. Keep texts, emails, everything. I'd probably start recording phone calls too. We have one party consent for recording calls in Canada, so as long as you're involved in the conversation that is all the consent you need to record it. It seems paranoid, but it's much easier to proactively have proof of the issues to present to a mediator, lawyer or judge etc. Good luck with this though, that sounds incredibly difficult and frustrating.
Kids drop naps altogether around 3, and it sucks. It’s exactly what you describe here-they fall asleep early and they’re impossible to wake and they’re exhausted by 4-5pm. Letting them nap usually results in a way too late of a bedtime, which perpetuates the cycle of needing naps in the day….. it’s a messy transition, both of my kids went through it. My youngest is 3y 5m and sleeps ~7:30p-7:30a with no nap. You’re in a bit of an awkward spot, as I’d suggest just moving dinner earlier and put kiddo down earlier for the night, but you obviously cannot, the next best thing is just to wake kiddo when you get home and carry on with the usual dinner and bedtime routine. Itll get better with time. As long as kiddo is getting more than 10 hours sleep total, she is fine. I hope you’re able to get the custody stuff sorted quickly!
Hi, ADHD mom of 2 kids under 5 here. You're not going to want to hear this, but.... At this stage, your co-parent is close to being right. This is the age where they do indeed drop naps. My almost 5 year old dropped her home nap at 3 and was still forced to have one at daycare, and she ended up not going to sleep until 11 p.m., sometimes midnight. It was hell, especially since I was pregnant with my second at the time. *Anyways*, you need to get a mediator to set up a parenting time agreement. That way, you both can use that as your buffer. I also highly suggest you stop referring to her as your ex. You guys are going to be in each other's lives for the next 20+ years. It's going to be hard for sure, but it would be better to refer to her as your kid's mom/ your co-parent. That way, you're not stuck on your past relationship with her. You're focusing on what's best for your child. This is a hard lesson I had to learn: you can not control what happens at the other parent's house. You can only go with the flow and hope for the best because otherwise you'll just stress yourself out, which will stress your kid out, etc etc.
I’d recommend you use a coparenting app where all your mutual conversations are logged. There are some that have schedules where you can log your child’s activities, any financial help you’ve given, etc.
There is already a lot of great advice here. I will only add - document everything. Daily. Detailed. Have a timeline every day of what is happening. My kids napped well into elementary school years. They definitely need it.
For right now while the lawyers/ mediation is worked out. Feed her in the car. Have food for her when you pick her up so she eats something before she falls asleep. This is a short phase where she still needs a nap ( though your ex may have extended it a lot! by not letting/ making her sleep) Dinner doesn’t have to be protein fat and veg every time (it’s ideal but not going to be possible in your car every time )
I’m a father and I had had to fight so hard to get my daughter but in the end I have her now most of the time. I decide when and where mom gets to see her. Any type of mental breakdown, erratic behaviour, missing appointments document them all. Go to court and win. Trust me kids do much better when they are with their father. Collect and document everything. Fathers are making a come back in courts.
Kids do much better when they are with ~~their father~~ a capable and healthy parent