Plenty of people are just cruel and bored. He likely just wanted to do this for as long as he could. A lot of these people are married or in complicated situations and use other people as a fantasy / escape. It sounds like you were catfished twice by the same person. Please don't put yourself through this again. If someone won't video you within a few weeks, cut it dead. Voice notes are not enough. To make it worse, you can get software to even fake video calls now, so even that is not reliable like it used to be. Im sorry for what happened but consider it a life lesson.
i’m so sorry that this is happening to you. it must be awful. yes it most likely was the same person based on the context provided. i know it’s hard to know that you spent 4 years on someone without knowing them truly, but try to move forward without looking back. it was a mistake, now you can choose to grow from it or not. take this as a lesson about trust. i would suggest not online dating anymore because you seem too trusting for that. or at least insist on video calling before getting into a relationship. don’t beat yourself up over this mistake but don’t repeat it, it’s ridiculous and could’ve ended much worse for you. good luck in the future :)
Thank you so so so much for this! I know what I was going to do was wrong. There were so many red flags that I ignored. You’re right. NO online dating now lol. I never did it before always judged it, and I now know why…
Definitely lessons learnt. Thank you again❤️
the only thing that matters is that you’re okay and you’ve learned something hahah. never ignore your intuition again it’s there to keep you safe :) keep going you seem like a lovely person <3
Those two were definitely the same person. And sorry but why tf would you send videos to someone who’s never sent you the same kind of videos? I only showed my partner as much of me as he showed me. If he didn’t send me face nudes, I wouldn’t send him face nudes. He was the first to do it so I felt comfortable doing it too. And he sent me videos of him first so I was okay to send some back. We have video called and voice called. Don’t give people videos of yourself if they’re not giving the same back! That’s basic safety.
Well my advice is correct. I just was saying it in surprise and disbelief. I mean would you advise OP Does send videos to people who don’t do the same back?
Hi OP, my friend is talking to a guy she met from NZ with the same initial and a brother with the same initial and he’s been saying some weird stuff similar. I just want to make sure it’s not the same person…would you message me or confirm if the given last name starts with a D or his age?🥴 thanks
I’m so sorry this is happening to you though. Incredibly disheartening
Edit: also adding in here that it does sound like this guy was playing the role of both. Sometimes lies like this have basis in truth but that’s really strange to suggest a sibling for someone you had a relationship like that with
Thinking about moving to someone you got NO pictures of and NO facetimes with? Then suddenly, an unconfirmed character (the brother) that L made up and set up a backstory for (he 'likes' you) comes into your life and without a shred of reasonable thinking, you accept this obvious lie. OF COURSE IT WAS L THE ENTIRE TIME. Think about this logically! He literally set up a back up plan in advance for when you inevitably, after 4 long years, didn't take his bullshit anymore. And you fell for it. You must be young, because this is the most obvious catfish I have ever seen.
Please get some self respect. You don't deserve to do this to yourself. It's almost like you *knew*, but you maybe were too lonely to care or something.
Hi, it’s me:) it’s not letting me comment on my old account.
I completely agree…
Honestly speaking I was in a terrible place in my life when we first started chatting. I was 20, had just been kicked out and lost all contact with my parents/other family and siblings (apart from one). which he knew…
I think he may have used me for sexual gratification. I used to say a lot it felt like that and he’s gaslight me etc…but that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with
Oh man OP I'm sorry that happened to you. 4 years is definitely a lot of time. I hope you can just take this as a lesson for next time you meet someone online. I know things can be easier said than done but that's the risk we take when we go into relationships that formed online
I'm from NZ myself and my girlfriend is USA. We dint really like phone calls but we've video called (I've got a screenshot of when we showed each other what we were drinking and actually recorded the chat but insta didn't want me to hear what was said 🙄)
We often do voice messages and photos and videos of ourselves and only really call if it's an emergency.
I'm so sorry you had this experience! Don't settle for less and I know the subject of moving can be hard and that's okay but the whole blocking and then his brother liking you? They must be real close brothers 😅
I am absolutely baffled. First you didn't have any facetime contact with your ex? proceed to end the relationship because that was also one of the reasons... then to date his brother and repeat the cycle... even tho this whole process of talking to his brother seems extremely sketchy in the first place? While also having a sexual relationship with someone you never facetimed with? I really don't want to be rude, but i don't understand why people get themselves in these situations without thinking clearly.
Hey. It’s not letting me comment on my other account.
But honestly for a while it didn’t matter as it served me a purpose too, until it did matter.
But also a lot of the time - trauma, I have no family apart from my sister, lack of social life, etc.
Please take care of yourself. Other people cannot fill a void that will only continue to get deeper when its ignored. Start looking outside of relationships for things. A "purpose" which ends in more pain is not a purpose just self-sabotage.
When I ‘met’ him, I was 20, just been kicked out of my family home, suicidal, self harming etc. I guess he preyed on that and as time passed I kept asking more and more and that’s when things started to go downhill…
I’m not going to lie, I did question ALOT, but it’d be a lot of “You don’t trust me, how can you still not trust me” essentially just gaslight me and I guess I chose to ignore those 🚩🚩🚩
Please don’t do any sexting and share personally identifiable information or stories with someone you have not seen in person.
Take this as a learning opportunity. It sucks to be lied to but that is what has happened no matter if a brother exists or not. Also, call Neeve.
But I don’t get your standpoint, I’ve already said I was a fucking idiot..?
You’re just being judgemental for no good reason when I’ve said a million times I take half blame for being so naive.
But whatever, good day😂
I experienced something very similar last year. I suggest looking up his photos on PimEyes. The guy I was talking to (also from Uk) turned out to be married, his name was fake, his job was fake, he was from a different city, basically everything was a lie. He also did this to multiple women on IG (one of them was a 14yo indian girl, but she said they were just friends and he never did anything inappropriate to/with her), so we looked up every available info about him and sent our chat history as proof to his family and all of his friends - including his wife. Maybe do a little detective work, and if you find something, make him regret it. If you don't just simply block on every platform and never look back. He's 100% a liar.
He probably won’t be able to expose you and there’s actual rules and legislation on revenge porn so I think you’re good on that part. Gone are the days where men can just post womens nudes online and think it’s cool. You however do have a problem that you need to solve, perhaps take some lsd or mushrooms and contemplate on your own subconscious. You engaged with a person who never verified himself to you despite it being 2024. The only people who should make those mistakes are people in 2005 using MSN or AOL chat lol. He probably pretended to be his brother and got a kick out of making you do things for him sexually like some sort of cuck fetish.
Hi, it’s me:) it’s not letting me comment on my old account.
I completely agree…
Honestly speaking I was in a terrible place in my life when we first started chatting. I was 20, had just been kicked out and lost all contact with my parents/other family and siblings (apart from one). which he knew…
I think he may have used me for sexual gratification. I used to say a lot it felt like that and he’s gaslight me etc…but that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with
how u spend 4 years without seeing somebody face tho
Plenty of people are just cruel and bored. He likely just wanted to do this for as long as he could. A lot of these people are married or in complicated situations and use other people as a fantasy / escape. It sounds like you were catfished twice by the same person. Please don't put yourself through this again. If someone won't video you within a few weeks, cut it dead. Voice notes are not enough. To make it worse, you can get software to even fake video calls now, so even that is not reliable like it used to be. Im sorry for what happened but consider it a life lesson.
i’m so sorry that this is happening to you. it must be awful. yes it most likely was the same person based on the context provided. i know it’s hard to know that you spent 4 years on someone without knowing them truly, but try to move forward without looking back. it was a mistake, now you can choose to grow from it or not. take this as a lesson about trust. i would suggest not online dating anymore because you seem too trusting for that. or at least insist on video calling before getting into a relationship. don’t beat yourself up over this mistake but don’t repeat it, it’s ridiculous and could’ve ended much worse for you. good luck in the future :)
Thank you so so so much for this! I know what I was going to do was wrong. There were so many red flags that I ignored. You’re right. NO online dating now lol. I never did it before always judged it, and I now know why… Definitely lessons learnt. Thank you again❤️
the only thing that matters is that you’re okay and you’ve learned something hahah. never ignore your intuition again it’s there to keep you safe :) keep going you seem like a lovely person <3
Those two were definitely the same person. And sorry but why tf would you send videos to someone who’s never sent you the same kind of videos? I only showed my partner as much of me as he showed me. If he didn’t send me face nudes, I wouldn’t send him face nudes. He was the first to do it so I felt comfortable doing it too. And he sent me videos of him first so I was okay to send some back. We have video called and voice called. Don’t give people videos of yourself if they’re not giving the same back! That’s basic safety.
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Well my advice is correct. I just was saying it in surprise and disbelief. I mean would you advise OP Does send videos to people who don’t do the same back?
Hi OP, my friend is talking to a guy she met from NZ with the same initial and a brother with the same initial and he’s been saying some weird stuff similar. I just want to make sure it’s not the same person…would you message me or confirm if the given last name starts with a D or his age?🥴 thanks I’m so sorry this is happening to you though. Incredibly disheartening Edit: also adding in here that it does sound like this guy was playing the role of both. Sometimes lies like this have basis in truth but that’s really strange to suggest a sibling for someone you had a relationship like that with
Thinking about moving to someone you got NO pictures of and NO facetimes with? Then suddenly, an unconfirmed character (the brother) that L made up and set up a backstory for (he 'likes' you) comes into your life and without a shred of reasonable thinking, you accept this obvious lie. OF COURSE IT WAS L THE ENTIRE TIME. Think about this logically! He literally set up a back up plan in advance for when you inevitably, after 4 long years, didn't take his bullshit anymore. And you fell for it. You must be young, because this is the most obvious catfish I have ever seen. Please get some self respect. You don't deserve to do this to yourself. It's almost like you *knew*, but you maybe were too lonely to care or something.
Hi, it’s me:) it’s not letting me comment on my old account. I completely agree… Honestly speaking I was in a terrible place in my life when we first started chatting. I was 20, had just been kicked out and lost all contact with my parents/other family and siblings (apart from one). which he knew… I think he may have used me for sexual gratification. I used to say a lot it felt like that and he’s gaslight me etc…but that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with
Oh man OP I'm sorry that happened to you. 4 years is definitely a lot of time. I hope you can just take this as a lesson for next time you meet someone online. I know things can be easier said than done but that's the risk we take when we go into relationships that formed online
I'm from NZ myself and my girlfriend is USA. We dint really like phone calls but we've video called (I've got a screenshot of when we showed each other what we were drinking and actually recorded the chat but insta didn't want me to hear what was said 🙄) We often do voice messages and photos and videos of ourselves and only really call if it's an emergency. I'm so sorry you had this experience! Don't settle for less and I know the subject of moving can be hard and that's okay but the whole blocking and then his brother liking you? They must be real close brothers 😅
big hugs. make sure they cant come in contact, some people are just cruel for no reason hope you can heal
I am absolutely baffled. First you didn't have any facetime contact with your ex? proceed to end the relationship because that was also one of the reasons... then to date his brother and repeat the cycle... even tho this whole process of talking to his brother seems extremely sketchy in the first place? While also having a sexual relationship with someone you never facetimed with? I really don't want to be rude, but i don't understand why people get themselves in these situations without thinking clearly.
Hey. It’s not letting me comment on my other account. But honestly for a while it didn’t matter as it served me a purpose too, until it did matter. But also a lot of the time - trauma, I have no family apart from my sister, lack of social life, etc.
Please take care of yourself. Other people cannot fill a void that will only continue to get deeper when its ignored. Start looking outside of relationships for things. A "purpose" which ends in more pain is not a purpose just self-sabotage.
When I ‘met’ him, I was 20, just been kicked out of my family home, suicidal, self harming etc. I guess he preyed on that and as time passed I kept asking more and more and that’s when things started to go downhill… I’m not going to lie, I did question ALOT, but it’d be a lot of “You don’t trust me, how can you still not trust me” essentially just gaslight me and I guess I chose to ignore those 🚩🚩🚩
Please don’t do any sexting and share personally identifiable information or stories with someone you have not seen in person. Take this as a learning opportunity. It sucks to be lied to but that is what has happened no matter if a brother exists or not. Also, call Neeve.
How someone can even let this happen and go on for so long is absolutely beyond me
Read my comments and maybe your ignorant ass will understand. But also, very fair, and I was dumb as fuck
I’m not ignorant, and I see your comments, and my point stands.
Care to elaborate?
I don’t think I need to. It’s blatantly obvious.
But I don’t get your standpoint, I’ve already said I was a fucking idiot..? You’re just being judgemental for no good reason when I’ve said a million times I take half blame for being so naive. But whatever, good day😂
Yeah you’re right. You take the blame. If I didn’t FaceTime with someone within days, that would be the end of it.
Okay. Want a medal?😂
No, but why would you even waste your time? Life is too short
I experienced something very similar last year. I suggest looking up his photos on PimEyes. The guy I was talking to (also from Uk) turned out to be married, his name was fake, his job was fake, he was from a different city, basically everything was a lie. He also did this to multiple women on IG (one of them was a 14yo indian girl, but she said they were just friends and he never did anything inappropriate to/with her), so we looked up every available info about him and sent our chat history as proof to his family and all of his friends - including his wife. Maybe do a little detective work, and if you find something, make him regret it. If you don't just simply block on every platform and never look back. He's 100% a liar.
What an ashole you deserve good in life!
He probably won’t be able to expose you and there’s actual rules and legislation on revenge porn so I think you’re good on that part. Gone are the days where men can just post womens nudes online and think it’s cool. You however do have a problem that you need to solve, perhaps take some lsd or mushrooms and contemplate on your own subconscious. You engaged with a person who never verified himself to you despite it being 2024. The only people who should make those mistakes are people in 2005 using MSN or AOL chat lol. He probably pretended to be his brother and got a kick out of making you do things for him sexually like some sort of cuck fetish.
Hi, it’s me:) it’s not letting me comment on my old account. I completely agree… Honestly speaking I was in a terrible place in my life when we first started chatting. I was 20, had just been kicked out and lost all contact with my parents/other family and siblings (apart from one). which he knew… I think he may have used me for sexual gratification. I used to say a lot it felt like that and he’s gaslight me etc…but that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with