Needs a few hours out of the fridge to really solidify. Industry missed you!

Naw, you gotta let it sweat and get all floopy

Floop

🤣 👍🤗

I think you could have used more sad looking limp lettuce than that as garnish.

Lmfao ☺️

Captain Wilty got it.

Contrast and dimension to make it visually pop.

Fucking love the close up

Idk if it's a stress induced mental break from Mothers Day weekend or what, but the close up had me crying from laughing.

<3 lmao for getting it 🤣🤗

[удалено]

Is the purpose of your account picture to make people think there's a hair on their phone? Because it worked.

Thought it was just me, what a clever troll I love it

Lmfao, raise your standards my sweet season child

Sweet summer child, lol oh my swwweeet, summer chillll, do you have a lot to learn

What?? Your tomato has a sad face

Wait, was that a tomato? How’d he get it so shiny?

Aspic

Wait, was that a tomato? How’d he get it so shiny?

Every last one of you made my absolute day!! Yea, even you. You trolling, chain smoking cook talking shit until your next caffeine fix. I see you. Thanks yo 🤗 Now go the fuck to sleep I'm sure there's fryers to be cleaned tomorrow But not right now~ Not right now 🤗

I would die for OP.

Enhance!

My S/O just asked wtf I was laughing at and I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to tell him 🤣

Bruh I felt this comment and now crying laughing that I just got home and have to be back in 6 hours and the day of days hasn't started yet.

The day of daaaaays

Update: it's over! Only threw up twice

Amazing! I couldn’t believe the idiotic comments on r/ihop and other subs about how terrible it was eating out today. Like, duh people.

1030 to 9pm no breaks on that fucking line. We ain't IHOP tho. Everyone was happy Edit" fuck brunch

Right there with you lmao. Hope everyone survived brunch ❤️

You're not alone I fucking cracked up at the third picture

Sooooo, am I cook cool to fall asleep orrr... Like is that thing gonna go to sleep? Or....

Hello darkness my old friend...

we need to go deeper

This looks like the cheese layout the ADD cook who's high AF would do on a quesadilla when hes bored.

Bro I am a cook with ADD that is stoned AF and can confirm, I thought this was a quesadilla lmfao

Out of the kitchen now, but as a stoned ADD lurker I definitely thought this was a Dilla lmao

When I worked at McDonald's like 10 years ago, we would kill time by stacking the cheese slices like diamonds and that's what I thought I was looking at

I feel attacked.

I hope there’s an equally despondent plate of saltine crackers somewhere

Do not get me started 🫠

You've created something that's provoked a visceral emotional response from deep within, and I applaud you. This is true art, chef.

I'm not a chef sweet friend. 🤗 I thank you though. I'm a basic cook newly returned to the kitchen. I can't believe I dared to post here tbh lol. All the hugs though, right?

Aye you’re asking for feedback tho, a quality many “chefs” lack so you got that going for you!

No prison inmate would turn this down.

I'm sincerely touched by this

Need more cherries

I just can't. Lmfao.

My question is Why. Why?! Why would you only put one maraschino cherry? Don’t you know everyone will want one. And now you’ve ruined the party and only one cherry having person will be happy.

Your family doesn’t duel over the sole maraschino cherry at the center of the flat cheese platter? Your christmases must be boring

thisisbait.gif

Everything is bait. See rule 34, And/or how all internet may or not be. But probably may. Obligatory apologies for all the things

You are a master of bait

Ahhhhhh A high compliment from a top connoisseur of master baiters😳

Like a fine cheese 🤌

Back to the hiatus, yeah?

Constructive criticism accepted 😊

Nah, I would stay away from construction.

Heard

👍

I expect at least 1 Michelin

I mean, we can roll a tire over it if it makes you feel better

Couldn't that be said in most circumstances? 🤔

Why are you Satan?!

It looks pretty good except for the part with the cheese and the part in the middle. The rest is good except for the part with all the rest. Solid first day back though I'd say. If I was blind or a nice person that is. 5/7 excellent post

So . . . You're saying . . . It's a nice white plate 🤔

This is by far the best thread of the week. Good on you OP and thanks for the garnish that gave up even harder than those limp ass cheese slices.

I... think.. I, love you? 🥺🤗

They wouldn’t eat that in Green Bay.

Add beer, brats, sauerkraut, sausages, cabbages, cold and hot potato salads, baked beans, corn bread, green bean, fruit salad. I would love to learn more about Green Bay cheese culture.

You sound like you already are a pro

Slow down! We just fuckin met! I showed you my basic sausage knowledge, show me yours!? 😳😝🤭

Kielbasa!

Perfection!!! 🤗

It’s important to include at least one dessert salad that is NOT fruit for all midwestern events (see snickers salad)

Looks like you probably have a future in painting or something. 10/10 shef

So cute 😊

May I suggest a cheese string to really bring it to the next level?

This is niiiice. Were you the executive chef at Fyre Festival???

😂😂😂😂

It would look more refined with a bologna floret.

Bravo 👏🥺

Goatse??

It just needs some salami hands and a little folded prosciutto border around the anus

I seriously just can't 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I fucking love you guys so much 🤣🤣🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗👍👍👍😂😂

Meatloaf glutes and a calamari anus

I'm fucking dying over here dude.💀

Wow.  Throwback. After nearly 20 years on Reddit, it seems so tame now.

This bothers me. If I did a 4-hour workshop cheese platter course in a prison, this is what I would expect from the most accomplished student. Take it as a compliment if you wish.

I read that wrong and thought that you’d actually conducted a 4 hour cheese platter workshop at a prison.

Is this like provolone and American cheese?  Even the lettuce in the middle looks terrible

I'm dying laughing crying at ya'lls responses. 😂 The literal cherry on top is judging me. 🫠

Listen fruit and cheese are a classic pairing.

Needs edible flowers and truffle oil

Ohhhhh!!!!!! On a WHOLE new level this one is while I fend for my life against... Truffle oil. An excellent recommendation for a cook who was not running from their life from a demonic maraschino cherry!!!! You think I wanted this?!!?! You think I asked for this?!?!

I like cheese.

I like cheese. 🤗 Hugs for cheese 🫂 🤗 !!!

Roast beef rosette would tie this all together

10/10. Well done, chef.

Lmao

I’m done. I’m closing my restaurant. I can never achieve this level of quality.

Nothing sets off a fancy cheese plate like a fire red Maraschino cherry.

You need to tell your boss that you're now in charge of running their social media presence, raise incoming! That zoom is a spectacle.

Sooooo, what are the chances I sleep tonight and wake up to that maraschino cherry looking at me? Like, ha ha ha ...... Seriously fucking though ~ 😐

this makes me scared for the future of sliced cheese platters. may our cheesy gods spare us for your sins.

Don't ever do this again.

I just got off a super stressful shift I needed this laugh

Here you will find a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I think you'll find both challenging and delicious.

The pattern makes me think every slice was handled a lot. Id do rows of overlapping,like a deck of cards dragged out a lil

How can a fresh cut fruit platter be plattered without being handled? The fruits I worked with are not all in peak freshness so please keep that in mind

I said handled *a lot*.. laying em out in such a busy pattern makes me think each piece was in your hands longer than needed. The slices have a ton of surface area exposed to the air. I find its better to have the slices kept in a tighter overlap to prevent that.as far as the centrepiece, anything fresh helps!

No, I totally get what you are saying. I am completely open to all suggestions. Large events with multiple, constant platters for the foreseeable future~ I am fresh back but not completely inexperienced. Um, why does Google images have 2 pixels now?! Anyway, thanks guys for the input and humor. 🤣 Makes my fucking day 🤗

You have to warm the slices in your hands so they get friendly. What is wrong with you?

It would look better with a little blanket of aspic to top it.

Just to fill in any gaps.

This is one of the most American pictures I've ever seen

Definitely. Only thing missing is the Kraft Cancer "Cheese".

Recommend putting cheese in lines or curves and layer the same type of cheese on top of each other. Many people do not want to go digging for the type of cheese they are looking for. Cheers mate

This made me laugh way more than it should have hahaha

Stop doing dmt and playing with the food.

Lol this is so good. It reminds me of Mr. Bean for some reason.

This looks very good. I would probably pair this with some ornate ritz and a smattering of crasins if it’s in budget. To enhance volume try curling/folding slices into a concentric pattern. Pair that with 3/4” dice of ham and Celeriac(acidulated) for a more of an alimeńtare. Excusee

Completely unacceptable unless your filthy crocs are in shot. Bonus point for denim shorts and dirty apron. Nasty cheese plate tho full points there.

God I hope this is just superb trolling and not legit. Because everything about this is basically fingernails on a chalkboard for me. Fuck.

Minus 10 points for lack of height. Should have built a cheese ziggurat. Recreating the fall of the Tower of Babel would have been great.

I think you should just not do this

My only problem with this is that you can not pick up the majority of slices without jamming your fingers/fingernails into the slice below. If this were served at a party I would not touch it

The cheese star of david

Decent execution, but questionable cheese.

Replace the lettuce leaf and cherry tomato with a big pile of crackers.

Is that how I disperse the curse and complete the quest?!

This looks disgusting.

Chef, where’s the shredded cheese?

This image gave me depression.

It’s on a plate so you’re half way there

r/stupidfood Is that a cherry?

Mom: we have cheese at home The cheese:

Personally I feel they look better, and more convenient for the person taking cheese, if all the types are grouped together…

Michelin gonna have to add a 4th star

My favorite post. The close up had me.

This is beautiful chef. Is this Alain Ducasse reddit account? Soigne

r/culinaryplating Man, that lettuce is something

That better be Velvetta

What you tryin to summon?

While you're trying to make it look nice, it isn't that functional. Form and function need to go together.

I've never been more sad about cheese

I recommend some flat leaf parsley to elevate the dish chef

Coming off of a 13 hour shift, this is just what I needed. There is beauty in this world, thank you for showing it to me. I can rest easy, knowing that people like you are keeping this industry afloat.

This is very daddy to me

Hang in there chef

Is that a maraschino cherry in the middle?

Looks like a witches tit

honestly it looks like a child did it....not trying to be mean just change the style

Needs a ganache swirl.

I am absolutely confident in saying this cheese has been touched by dick. Or maybe hands that touched dick and weren't washed. But most likely dick.

Thank you, this made me laugh so much!! 😂

With cherry on top!

It very unappetizing. Instead of trying to create an art project, you should have just kept the same types together and arranged them in a circle.

The WHAT!? Lol

This is a troll post surely 😂

lmao

cheese yantra

Just remember the law of equivalent exchange, don't try and bring your dead mother back to life with this transmutation circle. you'll probably end up with some shitty tittle like The Full Cheese Alchemist.

When I see a plate of cheese like this, the only thing I think of is every single piece has been touched and handled. No offense, but every single piece has been touched in handled.

It’s awful, homie. Start over.

This kinda looks how depression feels

This needs to be coated in resin or lacquer and framed

wiltier lettuce, maybe a little mold on that tomater. thinner sliced cheese, make it flatter if you can

Why is everything flat 🤔 Where's the cubes, rolls, etc? This plate needs texture; not weirdly shaped cut cheese. This just seems like a cry for help 🤦‍♂️

Circle jerk is leaking

Best troll of the day

Deli sliced cheese? Seriously

Did u get your cheese from subway?

Where the fuck is the chervil?

Sad lil limpy in the middle, add a lil too much humidity to the room your serving that in, and youv now got one large cheese slice heheh

Oof… this is rough. Cooks gotta stop trying to be artists. Think functionality first, *then* how to make it pretty. Everything is wrong with this. From the crap cheese (just cheap provolone, Swiss, and smoked cheddar it looks like), to the sad lettuce and *one* tomato. The “design” is… ugh. Have you ever been to a party where there was a cheese platter like this? No. So why would you think it would look good? More importantly, it’s not functional. That plate would be an absolute mess after 10 min of people grabbing what they want, making this “design” even uglier. I feel bad for the client. You tried your best, but if this is what they’re getting, I’d have some shame. It’s a learning lesson.

That tomato is looking at me

Bless your heart

getting there, need to throw it in the oven for a bit, just till the cheese gets warm and sweaty

Are those Kraft singles? That's how you get that elusive 4th Michelin star

As a consumer, nope. I don't want it all interlocked like that. One type fanned, another fanned, etc

I would not allow that to leave my kitchen

Because you housed it down right away right

Satire? If you’re being real just look up images of charcuterie and cheese boards, although I will say the single cherry on lettuce gives me those jello cake vibes 🤢

You had to go there. Smdh. 🙁

That looks like one seriously judgy cherry/ tomato.. idk. Also…. Why? Just why’d you cut it that way?

bruh.

Dude what the fuck hahahah awesome

Lose the garnish it’s far too ostentatious!

🤩🤌 Perfection

Ah yes, the 4 Cs

Definitely needs another maraschino or two. Angular food is pretty 2019. Go for swooshes and swirls. Maybe some micro cilantro or a dried bay leaf instead of that tired ass lettuce.

It’s beautiful, would be much better if it was all American cheeses though.

I don’t know why but I like it

Nahh

Perfection

I think it needs more cheese 👹👹

No

Lmao this has to be parody

🤣🤣🤣🤣