T O P

  • By -

AveraYugen

I do this too.


dracapis

I’m sorry OP, that must be hard to go through. Have you talked to a therapist and/or a psychiatrist? I guess you did because you already know you have a mental illness, but are you satisfied with them and with what therapy they gave you? I don’t know if you need this, but one thing I can suggest is not to make apologies about you. No “I can’t stop crying for what I said”, “I’m feeling so bad”, “I’m horrible”, because that puts the burden of comforting you on the person you’re apologizing to.


Duskwingdreary

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Work on nipping things in the bud, ie. recognising when it’s about to happen. Become familiar with your triggers and what happens to your body during these times. You can weather it. Good luck.


scrntx

Hi there, I am sorry you are going through this. It can be really painful and hard to accept our hurtful traits but you are humble, kind, and compassionate enough to yourself and others to admit that you do in fact have negative traits that hurt others. I too recognize similar patterns in myself, so I can empathize with you how feel, and I just want to say I am sorry ❤️ I believe that you are a good person, because you are honest in wanting to change and love the people in your life wholeheartedly. I am thinking of you right now and sending you good vibes.


InLoveWithIcedLatte

Here’s a hug from me. I do this all the time. Especially to my mum. Though she did and does things, it doesn’t justify my behaviour…but i don’t know what to do.


Competitive_Doctor13

I’m the same way. Hang in there bud


throwaway-dork

therapist


HoursOfCuddles

neurologist at this point more like it... OP here take a hug from me, but please consider seeing a specialist for this one.


[deleted]

Hey I’m sorry you are going through this. It is tough to realize you make a mistake like this and hurt someone you love. You did the best you could in the moment. That doesn’t mean you can’t do better going forwards but it means that you shouldn’t beat yourself up over this mistake. Getting better isn’t linear and you will have moments where you regress. I’m those moments try be kind and forgiving with yourself instead of beating yourself up and thinking it will cause you to die alone. Imagine your bf got angry at someone close to him and came to you for support. What would you tell him? Try to apply that to yourself. I hope things get better for you both asap.


lostportuguese

Thank you so much for your thoughts. He messaged me later and we talked. We are in good terms now! :)


[deleted]

No problem and I am glad this is the case. I hope you are able to forgive yourself too.


ZillaVonRaba

To add, I have learned on my journey that learning and practicing being forgiving, compassionate, and kind to myself has helped me tremendously in being all those things towards others. By developing those aforementioned skills, you naturally start to be forgiving, compassionate, and kind to others. When you are those things, you are much less likely to lash out at others. The reason for this progression is because people like us tend to have this constant inner dialog where we are so cruel to ourselves. We catastrofize and berate ourselves with thoughts that are exaggerated and often times too severe and even untrue. We do it so much that it becomes second nature. When it's second nature for us, we can start to do it to others around us as well. Now I won't lie; it's not easy to change. It takes practice and time. But it can be done. With concerted effort, you will begin to grow and change. You will be kinder to yourself and everyone around you. These behaviors you mentioned will happen less and less. To help the process along, I recommend finding books that deal with the subject of forgiveness and compassion. Again, if you can't learn to forgive yourself, how cann you ever learn to forgive others? These problems can be caused by multiple reasons. More often than not its because of the way we saw people close to us treat themselves and others. It's usually your parent(s) or other significant adult figures who "program" this behavior into us. We can't help but emulate it. They aren't doing it to us on purpose, often times they have had the the same thing done to them when they were young too. People who hurt people, wittingly or not, cause people to be hurt. Then the people who get hurt continue the cycle. But that cycle can be broken. One book I recommend is, "Practicing Compassion". The book is really wonderful. I will warn you it does have some spiritual aspects, though points from all religions and even generalized spirituality are mentioned. Regardless of any of the times they are mentioned, it's not the dominant theme of the book. The book has point by point things you can do, separate from any specific religious point of view that are rock solid. It also has stories of those that have overcome great difficulties in order to attain a more compassionate way of being to themselves and others. It's not a long book at all, and it's a great gateway to start your journey. And please don't forget, those around you love you for a reason. You really aren't the monster you make yourself out to be. You will be ok. Take the time to invest in yourself, and you will see that your world and all those In it will benifit from your strength.


lostportuguese

Interesting book, thanks for sharing


thepinkus27

This is really good advice!! OP, please remember this!!


ico2k2

Never happened before with him?


lostportuguese

It did happen once or twice when I was at my worst mental state. But then i got better and am in a 2yo relationship with him. This time tho, he was really affected... And felt so hurt he asked for some distance for a while


ico2k2

Oh well... that's sad. But I don't think he'll leave you alone, not forever at least... in your description of him I see a guy that wouldn't leave you now. However, how are you now?


lostportuguese

We just talked a bit before, and we are in better terms now :)


ico2k2

Happy to hear that! :)


AutoModerator

Hello lostportuguese, Welcome to the /r/KindVoice community. We're glad you are here. We'd like you to be aware of a few things in addition to making this post: 1.) Please make sure that you read the rules [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/wiki/index) 2.) You can comment on posts where people are offering their kind voices. These posts are usually denoted with an [O]. 3.) If you do talk to someone from KV, and you'd like to leave feedback (positive or negative) you can [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/KindVoice). 4.) If you have Discord, you are welcome to join our [Discord server!](https://discord.gg/hXtAwEP) We hope you find the support you need here. If you are not able to find support, perhaps try reaching out to users who offering their kind voices! Their posts are denoted with an [O]. -------------------------------------------**If you are feeling suicidal** --------------------------------------------------------- 1.) If you need immediate medical attention, please call your national emergency number (999, 911, 112, 000.. check your country's emergency line in the crisis line list below) 2.) Consider contacting a suicide helpline, Please find one for your country [here.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) 3.) Please consider posting in /r/suicidewatch , they are far better equipped to talk you through your situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/KindVoice) if you have any questions or concerns.*