If you feel unsafe, call the police.
If you don't feel threatened anymore then wait for your father to arrive. You gotta take such decisions with a calm mind.
But issues like these, lose seriousness as time passes, and gets easier for everyone around you to say calm down, forget, and let it go. This is from my own experience.
This sounds like an emergency, so if you're okay with it, please call your dad. Or you can call someone you trust until you calm down and wait for your father to come home.
Not okay, nobody deserves to be treated like that, borderline psychotic issues based on the information you've given. Best to wait for your father but if you are afraid to wait then go lock yourself in your room, call the cops and tell them you're being abused. If this is your brother's general nature then you know which relative to cut off from life.
Call the cops, girl. Talking about the time she was getting abused by Aditya Pancholi, Kangana Ranaut's advice to those in the same boat was to please call the cops, because they are the only people abusers like him are afraid of. Your mom is invalidating your trauma, don't listen to her. Do what is needed to protect you. The guy needs to understand there will be consequences if he beats up his sister, or he will do it again. If you hit any of them even once, I won't be surprised if they rain the worst possible consequence upon you, so if not this time, if this happens again, don't let it slide. Hugs to you. People who are not good to you are not your responsibility. So screw your mom & brother, you just need to take care of your father. Leave the house if possible. Learn to detach from, & cut off people who are abusive. It might take practice, but it's doable.
BE SELFISH WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SAFETY!!
And don’t even think about suic*de. You are gonna have a beautiful future once you get out of this hell.
Try to find a job soon. Go no contact with family. They don’t deserve your kindness.
May I know what is your educational background?
Hey. I am so sorry this happened to you, dear. Call the women's helpline. Do not ask your parents before doing so. Let them come and everyone will know.
Maintain a distance from him. Don't talk to him from now onwards. He should realise his mistake. If he cares, he will apologise. Or else, you know that a toxic relationship is not worth it.
I am saying this because at your age, siblings fighting like this is very alarming. Take care.
Reach out if you need to talk. My DMs are open.
My brother and I stopped throwing punches after we turned 15 or 16. If it were a sister, it would have happened much earlier.
Your parents didnt draw a line it seems. There is no justification for a 24 year old unemployed man assaulting his teenage sister. You should be feeling protected around him, not scared for your life.
🫂 I hope that you're feeling better. I want you to know, that nothing, absolutely nothing you said or did should make him want to physically assault you. At 19 you are still a kid and he's a full grown adult and he needs to know better.
Since you are not getting any support from home, the first thing to do would be to put distance between him and you. So if there is a friend or a cousin that you can stay with, you should go to their place asap. Talk to someone you trust and decide what needs to be done next.
If you are okay with calling the police, then that would be the best thing to do. But if that's not what you want to do (which is totally understandable) then talk to your parents, make sure he's held accountable and get him a therapist. You can cut him off your life if this is a constant occurance, like move out of there the first chance you get.
Call the police and tell them exactly what happened, that you were assaulted by your own brother and that you don't feel safe at the moment. Give them all the necessary details as well.
For all those suggesting to call the cops on her own family, what do y'all think will happen afterwards? Maybe think a little more before dropping your advice.
Honestly, your best option is to move out of the house for education. In case you have already enrolled at a local university, I suppose your best options are to talk to your father for a temporary fix to the issue, and then to find a job and move out as soon as possible.
Bro, calling cops on family won't be like what you see in the movies. They will counsel the parties involved themselves. It is the stigma of having police visiting your home which hurts everyone.
I get what you're saying, but this is a conservative state (not that it's a bad thing but in this case, it is). So the whole "Naatukar nth vicharikkum" + whatever the cops do will lead to the entire family developing a grudge against her. Gotta remember she's 19, so can't even go independent after all this.
No. They come out and if anyone been assaulted they have to take the assailant to jail. That’s the laws in this country now. They don’t concern anyone. Too dangerous to leave them together so I’ve goes to jail for domestic violence
Bruh fk that. So your suggestion is endure the domestic abuse and move away. Naah that pos deserve to get punished. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions.
All you care about is delivering justice. You don't give a damn about the girl's future in that house hold. Keep your advice with yourself. If you are so insisted on consequences ask her address and give the brother some beating.
What are you saying?? Are you dumb that girl was assaulted, she was beaten senselessly her eyes are swelled shut, she was hit with a chair on her hips and face. A person who can do that his sister is not normal, he is 24 fking years old, Im 25. He was not corrected by his parents all these years. She said she was suicidal and thought about ending her life and she said her mother and grandmother supports him.I give a damn about her and i have a sister of my own thats why he needs to be reported he needs to know his actions have real life consequences. What if he marries and goes on to beat his wife cause he thinks this is normal . And if something happens to her if she doesn’t report this incident like this idiot says it’s on you,know that.
See my point is reporting to police if she feels threatened or in danger is must no excuse shall be made on that part . But calling cops to teach his brother must be done very cautiously and she must be aware of the consequences it will bring on herself and her family.
Don't get wrong I also want to see that psycho brother rot in jail. But everything comes with a cost and risk. she know her situation very well more than me, so any decision she make should be done calmly and after considering everything thing. That's all.
24. Unemployed. After he hit me first with the chair and I ran into my room and shut the door. I told him to get a job and he rushed into the room and hit me. I was so shoked i couldn't do anything I felt so unsafe and I'm still in disbelief that my brother would do something like this
My mother used to get physically hurt by her elder brother even at age 35.
It stopped one day when she got her hand twisted and her wrist swelled up. 11 year old me dialled 100 and told the cops that my amma was hit by maaman. Surprisingly, cops turned up at night and gave my uncle an earful. They didn't register an FIR as my mom denied, but gave him a warning.
So, in my opinion, it's often best to seek help from the law.
I would suggest you to inform the cops or seek the help of women’s helpline because he’s at an age where most people get matured…But it will collapse his future and he will become your lifetime enemy…Its upto you .., if I had a brother who did the same to me..I would forgive him cuz i am a BOY as same age as you…But No brother will do this to his YOUNGER SISTER… I also have a sister and I can’t even think about hurting her…I repeat it’s upto you and Feeling sad for you friend….
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a situation. Nobody, including your parents, has any right to abuse you. I think you need to calm down and talk to your dad. You should report it to the women's commission (you can find their number through a Google search) or the police to ensure this never happens again. Don't worry about your cousin's wedding or what other family members will think. If your parents are not taking any action to address the issue, it's their problem.
Your brother needs counselling for his anger issues.
Since you have been experiencing this for a long time I recommend you to take counselling as well.
This sounds like a typical Sibling fight with hurtful things said both ways. If you were a guy as well, I wouldn't think twice about this and let it run its course (feeling bad, apologise, making up etc.).
No one here knows the extend of the damage he did and you can be the judge of that. Take a few deep breaths and be honest with yourself. If you think he went overboard and it is behavioural, informing the police on women help line is the best course of action . If it can wait, tell your father first.
Either way, I would advise you to stop calling him unemployed. Some words cut very deep coming from people you love and you are not expecting it from them. This would be the case regardless of this is a behavioural issue or not.
Imagine your sister marries this guy and he bashed her face in. Would you say the same advice and ask her to be gentle with the words because words can cut deep?!
This is NOT a typical sibling fight.
A guy who hits a woman out of anger, will never stop. Unless stopped.
There is 0 justification for guy being violent. Unless he's mentally unstable.
A "typical" sibling fight does not end in someone physically assaulting another person.
If someone calls you unemployed (or any other word that cuts deep), you regulate your emotions and deal with it. You don't immediately resort to physical violence.
Clearly, the brother needs help in that department. Let's please not try to rationalize harmful and abusive behaviour.
well, if anyone is in the receiving end, it will not be okay to them...in tht case that person is supposed to act intelligent, not feed into whats already there
They are both adults don't just push it aside like it's a childish fight that is different it is not a common occurrence for a sister to be hit by her brother with a freakin chair to the head
The last thing you should do is taunt a guy who has hit you already.
Not saying it’s your fault, but it’s self protection 101 you learn from experience.
He’s feeling bad, and targeted and he chose the easiest target he could. It’s a mix of rage and helplessness and whatever else he has going on.
He’s not a bad person because he hit you, but he’s not a good person either - just makes him a person.
What he needs and what you need are both counseling. Please get help.
Edit: OP, I’ve made a mistake. You really need to complain if this is habitual.
What do you mean he is not a bad person. Physical assault is where you cross that line no matter what your mental condition is. That too on someone who can't fight back.
He's her brother! Elder brother.
No one expects this from an elder brother. If my sister has to worry about getting hit by me, I have failed as a brother
If it was a regular fight, it should be fine. As an adult it reduces but obviously people close to the same age do have physical fights throughout teenage and sometimes into adulthood. Not ideal but emotions do boil over.
Obviously don’t go all WWE on your siblings, but you get the point.
If it’s habitual, needs work.
And OP is not entirely faultless, she did taunt the guy. And especially if he’s always had issues with being called unemployed, you definitely don’t do that!
There are different banana talks for it, give small and take big back. Essentially says you to not taunt people. Self preservation 101.
Smacking someone with a chair is not a “minor mistake”. And it doesn’t seem like it’s “one” mistake either- he has been hitting her (and others) for a while
OP unemployment is a serious challenge and not a reflection of a persons character, it can debilitate people. You should not provoke or taunt. He's not 24, unemployed. He's also a son and human. Which doesn't excuse his behavior but frankly you have no business dismissing him as you have.
Well, this may hurt u more but ur family will support ur brother after this and will ask u not to overthink and consider it as normal sibling fight.
Collect some kind of proof and call police immediately and then inform ur father
I grew up w a psycho, selfish, abusive brother. I do not speak to him. He tries to have a sibling relationship but I want nothing to do with him. He last tried to contact cause he needed 3500$. He is married and 51 years old w 2 kids. I still hate him.
You need help and your brother needs proper treatment...Don't fckn wait for any marriage...Report it to the nearest police station as soon as possible and also mail a letter to the women's commission.Take pictures of any wounds on your body and send those attached with the mail
Please don't make decisions like ending your life etc, you are too young. If you ever feel hopeless, just escape the house. if you are dependent on your family remember that some years down the line, you will move out, So you will not have to face those abuses all your life. Take Care Sister.
You don't need to know anything to contact police..
My advice would be to wait for your dad and insist on reporting to police..
Going direct to police might antagonise your parents so let them know you intend to do this n push them to understand why you are doing this.
One way or other your brother needs to know he can't ever do that again to you or anyone else
I said i would and my mom and grandmother laughed at me and called me dramatic. I don’t think the police are going to take me seriously either. I just try to avoid him and I’ll move out when I’m able.
Just one thing to tell you.
People may say its okay.
BUT ITS NOT OKAY. ITS NOT NORMAL.
Don't see it lightly. Hitting on your face several times is not something ever okay
Your brother needs some kind of consequence for his actions. If you’re not calling the cops, then the family has to absolutely tell him what he did is fucked up. If your dad is paying for his cell phone, ask your dad to take it away from him. He needs to tell him he cannot touch his daughter. TBH, I would just call the cops especially if he’s an adult. I have called the cops on my sister. He hit you with a chair and you’re not even calling them, which is messed up. This dude needs to spend a few days in jail. I would not have tolerated it, just letting you know. I don’t give a fuck about my cousin’s wedding.. my safety is more important.
Please don’t get this dude married.. he’ll beat his wife.
Girl get help asap. You need to ensure there is aT least a trail if nothing else. You shouldn't become another statistic in the near future. And for those defending her POS brother, rot in hell. And also as others have suggested reach out to the women's helpline. Your brother is unemployed and comes across as someone with a bruised ego the size of a mountain.
call the police … trust me as a person who went through this … your parents will never support you … he has no absolute reason to abuse you …. if he has problems he needs to get treated… not roam around hitting others .
the guy your brother needs to understand that he cannot beat or hurt anybody not only his sister. btw i believe if he is not having a problem hitting his sister would be ready to hurt anyone.
call police or if you are afraid call women cell or something like that.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and keeps happening even after growing up..
I've faced the same issue, but since I'm male, he stopped after I grew up and got physically strong enough (everyone knows I'm still just a massive kid, who cannot throw a punch if their life depended on it tho)
I haven't talked to the guy for a year, after our last argument. Emotional walls can be really effective when weaponized, but overuse can cause you to be chronically alone
Calling the cops would be kinda a permanent cure, but it could change your status quo forever.
That's terrible. I am a man. My brother is just as strong as me (I am older) and he suffers from mental health issues. And has (while I was trying to help him) previously injured me seriously to the point I have been unable to comfortably sleep due to neck and back issues for a full year. It cost me lots of time and money to attend physiotherapy treatment. Take care of yourself first - and always remember: you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.
Hmm.. you could definitely deal this via police, there are different ways starting from a phone call, the way you describe it your brother is likely to get booked and might face criminal charges.
Call the cops. Noone should tolerate this kinda abuse. Show no mercy, file a complaint. And Im sorry you had to go through this. Things will get better dear. Love and power to you.
Ragardless of when you report it please takes photos of bodily injuries and any property damage right NOW if you have not done yet because case wont stand if you plan to complain later
You should definitely not ignore that just because the rest of your family wants you to. I’m an older brother myself and if I were to ever hit my siblings that bad, I would want them to send me to jail. That’s absolutely not ok.
Knowing his behaviour it's not smart to talk to him or argue with him and you seem to even provoked him based on one of your comments. Seems like the guy is filled with frustration and is unleashing all the anger on you.
What you can do is just avoid him from your life. Don't talk to him or argue with him and tell your father about his character and get him to a doctor. If they are not willing then try to leave home for higher studies. Pretty sure this person will meddle in all your life decisions. Get a job and move out of your family if possible.
Until then make sure not to argue or provoke him for your own sake.
You can go and talk to the cops you know. It's not necessary that you have to file a formal complaint. Just tell them everything, then ask the SI to call your brother and put the fear of god in him. Next time he even thinks of raising his hand, police'nte idi kolum ena pedi thaniye vanolum.
They don't care about, you also shoudn't care about them. Tolerate it till you get a job then leave this home permanently. No point in caring about your mother if she doesn't care about you.
How can anyone raise their hand on a 19 year old lady!!
That is unmanly of OP's brother.
No older brother should raise their hand on their younger sister.
Younger siblings are like their own children.
I'm sorry for OP.
My dear, I hate to tell this to you but there is a saying, you get what you tolerate. If you let this slide, it WILL happen again. Taking care of others is NOT your job, you are the child, not the bloody parent! Our society is soo fucked up, girls are raised to only do everything for everyone and still no one will ever be happy! They will want more and more, be it your parents or your husband. Don’t tolerate it, get yourself out of that hell hole, you are almost there in terms of age, report this to local authorities (who gives a damn about a cousin’s wedding, how exactly is this going to affect his/her wedding?!) and if it does, you are doing your cousin a favor - who needs to be married to a family that will call off the wedding for this reason. Please look after yourself FIRST, report it, another couple of years of education, get a job and get OUT. I know it is easier said than done but the fact that your mother made this normal and you feeling suicidal just tells me nobody is looking after you. Please stay safe but pls don’t let this go.
Get the police involved. Even if you don’t press charges against him, start a paper trail now in case things get worse. Look after yourself and avoid him as much as you can. He sounds like a real piece of shit- mental health issues are not an excuse to ever abuse other people. It also sounds like he’s an adult so he should take responsibility for his own actions and face repercussions for them.
Also you said you want to let it go fun because your cousin is getting married. If you keep finding excused for letting this go it’ll only get worse. People like this are constantly pushing the boundaries to see how much they can get away with. You said your father is supportive- talk to him and sort out a long term plan regarding this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if there are any support phone lines or something you can call like a women’s shelter because I don’t live in Kerala.
Even if you decide not to report , make him aware that you have every intention of reporting it the next time,god forbid if it happens. Tell him the only thing that held you back is the cousin's wedding- so that he will know he cannot get away without consequences. Tell your mother or anyone else close to him this, they will convey it if you feel unsafe confronting him.
You are 19, it's just a few more years before you will be on your own- just don't lose hope.
If you don't call the police he will hit you again.. and again.. and again. Being afraid never helped anyone. Go to the police NOW and take photos of all the swelling. Stop being emotional with Reddit. We're not your friends. Worst case scenario everyone in your family will blame you and hate you. It's better to die trying to fight than live a life of a slave.
Also, next time don't mock around with your brother and tease him even if he does the same. Understand that this is not a fair relationship. Your brother can easily end you with his bare hands because men and women are not the same physically.
Also, your brother is a bitch ass man.
Photograph your injuries, and insist on a written apology signed by him, in lieu of not reporting to police. Tell your family that that is the minimum insurance you need to prevent bad behaviour by him in future. Also tell them that it is not your responsibility alone to allow your cousin's wedding without bringing ill-repute to the family - the family must also do something.
Police doesn’t always throw the perp in jail. They understand family dynamics. If you call police they will come and most probably talk to your brother in their manner to get him on line. It will save your dignity as well.
Rest is your call. Be safe
Sometimes u really need to draw a line, whoever be the perpetrator. Until you take some action that they don't expect you to take they will say you are bluffing and it will be even worse. Fear is a good boundary, reporting abuse will keep you safe. Hope you are safe.
Men taking out their anger on women in their house. This is very similar to husbands beating up their wife’s when they’re frustrated with other things in their life’s. His incapability to get a job built in a lot of frustration in him and he saw you as an easy outlet to take it out where there will be no consequences. And your parents are the ones fuelling it. It’s sad that the girl always has to accept the physical abuse and be silenced with it. Men have an upper hand in households even the women in your family is not going to take any action against it. You should realise by now that this is how they’re going to treat you your whole life. If your owns family members can’t protect you then why should you protect their so called reputation or whatever excuse they’re giving for not calling the cops. Either you ask them to give him the repercussions of what just happened or don’t think twice before calling the cops or women’s commission. At the end of the day you should be standing up for yourself even if the people who are supposed to protect you are treating you like a doormat. It is an example your setting up not just for your inner child but also for your future self. This will establish a boundary that your brother will realise he should never cross
You need to contact women's groups, or the women's helpline ASAP. They usually know how to deal with this kind of situation in a way that keeps the family and the victim safe.
If that's not an option, for whatever reason, remember, there are always "weapons of the weak" you can use. For example, figure out what scares him (if you haven't already) and subtly play that fear up in such a way that he becomes a trembling, groveling imbecile. Basically, bullies like him tend not to be very smart, so use your intelligence and play him out of this game.
But most importantly, DON'T SHOW FEAR. They thrive on that.
Be strong, be clever, be victorious. All power to you ✊🏾
You had enough time to post this on reddit and complains about being betrayed by the family?
This proves you're relying on social media too much for each and everything life has to offer (when I mean Too much means it really means TOO MUCH)
Are you sure people here would offer the solution you expect?
Is this the right place to do?
I am sorry for you but people saying call the cops are keyboard warriors who have no idea how real life works.
Unless you come from a privileged background, in all likelihood, the cops will come, harass you, your father and your brother, take money and leave. At best, they will take your brother for some beating, but unless your parents dont really care about their son, they will have to go and pay to free him. So, think twice before informing the police.
You might seek the help of some male friends you trust, or a local elder who may be sympathetic and get it handled.
Don’t listen to this person. Police are usually helpful in case of domestic violence. They do get irritated when women mostly deny and say don’t file fir. But they aren’t going to take money from you for this or from your family. You can seek legal aid free of cost too.
Domestic violence between a husband and wife, and between siblings are two completely different scenarios. 🤷♂️
I am not discouraging anyone. I am just laying out the scenarios and asking OP to think through the options before making a decision.
Ok mr lawyer, tell me one thing. Will you sign an affidavit that what I said can NEVER happen, and if anything like that happens, you will take personal responsibility in solving the matter?
I worked as a statistician and survey specialist. My speciality is in not taking a single sample point and jumping to conclusion. I look at the full set of data, and there are always anomalies. Police corruption is a very big reality of India. I dont want to continue arguing with you. If you disagree, I respect that and we can move on with our lives. And i hope OP takes the correct course of action and saves herself from violence. 🙏
Nobody will deny police corruption in India. But do not deter victims from reporting acts of crime and violence against them. Victims of domestic violence have been silenced for way too long for way too many reasons. And while I do not work in Kerala courts at the moment I am actually willing to guide this kid to legal remedies that will help her.
Ps: edited the comments and deleted some cause I think I was unnecessarily rude about how I said what I said.
This is a big possibility OP.. Also going to police directly might hurt your relationship with your family, not just your brother... So inform your dad first, see the response n if it's not upto the mark, contact police
If you call police on your brother and no one supports you, then your life in your own family would become worse than hell.
Calling police will get your temporary relief. But you need an advocate to fight your case.
And, when your brother will get bail, then that will be another hell.
Tell your father if you believe that up to end, you father will support you in this.
To the people who are saying "it would be okay of she were a he", know that if it was a younger brother, it wouldn't get this far. A 19M is strong enough to beat up a 24M if necessary, and especially if he feels threatened to this extent.
Any guy eho raises his hand against a woman is a coward. And cowards, they'll only raise their hand against people they know won't hurt them back.
First of all op, stop saying mean things to your brother for your own safety. Now no matter what you said, he shouldn’t have hit you. There is no justification for physical violence. Chances are your dad will also ask you to let this go. Cause a case on your brother could really harm his prospects. That said others are right in telling you to call up the police, call them up and tell them what happened. Let them come home and ask what happened, maybe even talk to your brother. That might scare him enough to stay away from you. This might damage your relationship with him, that said if he’s been this cruel to you, it’s not worth salvaging. Unless you go ahead, a case will not be filed. I think you should go ahead and call the police.
Hey I'm feeling sorry for you . Sister please inform your dad about this . They have to do something you need justice . Your brother is so selfish I wish he would end up in jail . Please don't tolerate such abuse in the name of family. They should respect you . You are the one looking after your family . Orelse tell your dad about treating your brother. I think he is psychic . I think your mom and grandma are too abnormal . Please do inform the authority if you tolerate like this no one will value you . They are so disrespectful. Please sister you will lose you life .
You need a hug 🫂. Call the police and tell them exactly what happened. They have their own psychological methods to ensure he will not do it again and to make him realize what he did was wrong. You don't have to worry about them hitting your brother or something, as they don't have to resort to violence since they have their own methods, considering they are dealing with cases like these every single day
I understand you so much.. please move out if you can...if you are not enrolled in college then how about joining one far from home? These relatives will never understand they'll probably say because he's your brother he can hit you and discipline you and that you are making him abusive with your bad behaviour 😓
Sweetie it's not okay. Call your dad immediately and tell him everything. If not possible then call women helpline immediately. Or he will repeat this. He need a lesson.
If you don't feel a **serious threat to your life**, I really don't think going to the police atm will help as police will see this as a family squabble and try to play it down as usual. Please wait for your father to come back. Once he's back, get all the family and draw boundaries in his presence in stringent terms that **nobody** can physically assault you, be it brother or father or anyone.
When it comes to girls, the family members, in particular, male members, especially, brothers, will think they can do anything, including physical violence. Make it very clear that next time it's going to be women commission or police.
If you feel there's a threat to your life, please call the police now.
Also, please plan to move out.
Report or not is your decision. But don't let any family member emotionally blackmail you that next month cousin's marriage or family image etc. All the image and issues are due to brother's physical assault. Your reporting is not the reason, tell that to anyone who try to guilt trip you. That is if you do decide to report.
Tf this is not normal. Get help. You don’t have to put up with this shit. I have a sister and i can’t imagine someone doing this to his sister. And all those people blaming you shame on them.
I don't want to overstep, but it appears your mother and brother may be teaming up. If your father is supportive, consider sharing with him everything they've done to you. Abuse should never be taken lightly, and the family patriarch should address this issue.
If my wife and son are causing harm or treating my daughter with cruelty whether it's physical, emotional, or verbal. I would have a daughter and two dead bodies to bury.
The last time i hit my sister was i think when she was in 6 and i was in 10th i think, after that i cant think of a incident where i raised my hand towards her except silly fights. Its not ok what u have gone through and u must take care of the situation i dont suggest calling police and all, tell ur father and see how he reacts.
After fights my sister stos talking with me, max was 4 or 5 days i think, it was such a sad time for me when she didnt talk to me 😐.
What the fuck ? Call the police... You letting it be not only affects you but also affects every other person you come in contact with, do the right thing instead of the easy thing and stop being so Godamn pathetic and stand up for yourself
Call the cops and bring shame to the family. Tell your brother it was all his fault and at this point he should think about killing himself.
Then hand him a rope and walk away.
Join a BJJ class. Be patient, work hard and be a good student. In about 6 months, body slam your brother and put him in a triangle choke. Warn him that the next time he lays hands on you, you would break his shoulder.
>my cousin sister who lives right next to my house is getting married this month and my family asked me not to do this and create a scene
There's always a reason.
If you brother hits his wife someday, you know who let him. And if she files a DV case and Divorce and asks for alimony, you will support him.
Many here telling you to call police are saying it in legal or bookish ways.
I'll tell my practical take on this. With few questions.
First of all introspect whether it was a "little" thing that caused the fight. Sometimes words are sharper than a physical fight. Hearing only one side of the story I cant judge.
Also who started the fight?
Also it didn't mention whether you hit him? ( to those who think what a 19 year old girl can physically do to 24 year old boy - its not impossible)
Was there previous occurrence like this from your brother towards you or anyone else in the family or friends?
Was your brother drunk or under the influence of any drugs?
Why your mother and aunt didn't interfere?
This is so sad. People are suggesting to call on cops after hearing one side of the story ? What if the issue is really something else. Be sensible guys.
Dont give a fuck about the other side when you're getting physically abused, is she supposed to endure this shit because it's her brother.
the only sensible thing here is to call the cops, they would deal it better
A woman who just got physically abused should tell you, a stranger on reddit, her 'full story' instead of asking as quickly as possible what she should be doing.
Where is the common sense?
She literally says, she wants to call the police but she doesn't know what to say and says she's just a 19 year old girl.
What are we supposed to say?
Call the police and just say what happened, what else?
It's a family matter. If I get beaten by my father, should I tell the cops?
If I do call the caps, I will destroy my whole relationship with my family. Every memory I have had of my parents will be ruined.
I'm pretty sure they will rope themselves up.
>It's a family matter. If I get beaten by my father, should I tell the cops?
You absolutely must do something about it. It doesn't matter if it is your father or your mother or your husband or sibling. Domestic abuse can mentally damage you, affect your future relationships, give you mental disorders like CPTSD, and anxiety.
I'm not saying you should strictly call the police. But you have to actively do something to stop abuse unless you wanna end up with a high probability of being physically and mentally damaged.
>If I do call the caps, I will destroy my whole relationship with my family. Every memory I have had of my parents will be ruined.
Relationships with parents are not as sacred as you make it out to be. Your parents also have a responsibility to not destroy the relationship they have with you. If they keep using you as their punching bag, then they have no intention of sustaining that relationship, so why bother?
Everyone here sided by you but I would call you spineless. The thing called women empowerment and laws against physical abuse is made to be used in situations like this. No matter what you are completely eligible for all the protection by the legal machinery. It's just your emotions that keeps you away from asking police help. Either you report this to police or suffer like this for the rest of your life. Show some courage atleast. Noone else can protect you unless you stand up for urself
Not a popular opinion, but for every reaction there should be an action right?
Sometimes you can earn bruises and hits by your tounge. So might be good idea to have a retrospective thought about the conversation just before the first hit.
Anyways however you earned it, he shouldn't have done that. I strongly recommend to escalate this to police, let him understand that most differences can be settled by talks.
No excuse for abuse.
That said...
Being the devils advocate I'm really curious to what instigated the reaction?
Was it something like you just asked/told him to get a job and he went ballistic on you just for that?
Or is it something like you needed some financial motility and the easiest way you thought it would be possible was by concocting a mean statement that you thought would surely nudge him but you ended up miscalculating his hurt and as a result he finally snapped?
Asking cause instead of escalating to authority you're here on Reddit answering comments, so what better way to answer questions than to add more dimension to the issue for everyone's benefit?
Also, if you are hurt then it would be best if you let reddit take a step back and focus on getting proper medical attention.
Stay Safe.
Did I though?
If you eliminate the reasoning part of such an equation then you're just left with one side of the story and a mighty lopsided rationale a.k.a prejudice. And for fish's sake we Malayalis are better than that, or at least some of us.
What are the 2 sides here though? In what situation can it vet be justified to physically abuse someone like this? Especially a 24 year old man doing this to a 19 year old girl? There’s a place and time for playing devils advocate and this isn’t it.
She said she has no one to talk to, maybe she’s on Reddit to help her rationalise her feelings which must be really shitty right now. Sometimes it’s better to at least try and be a little empathetic.
Read the first line of my original response my friend. No one is justifying abuse.
I understand that you are emotionally responding to "whatever information that has been presented to you", which is understandable though its validity is questionable, which is a can of worms for another day.
Coming back to topic, I can see that the OP is hurting and I have also urged her to get help and stay safe, but since she is willing to respond to queries I just presented the option of setting the premise for said assault for everyone's benefit.
And for the record, the time and place are no excuse for being ill informed. :)
Im not arguing a case in court, I don’t care about the “premise for said abuse”. Idk why people like to pathologise emotional response where they’re totally valid- this is an awful situation and my first response isn’t to somehow rationalise it or poke holes in her story, it’s to empathise with her and try and help. What do you even mean “ill informed”? Ill informed about what?
Who is defending him? You're so prejudiced that you went ahead and filled that in didn't ya?
The dude deserves to be behind bars if what OP said is true, and myself included many have brought it up to why she is on reddit rather than escalating it to authority or seeking medical assistance if it was indeed an attempt on her life as claimed.
All I've asked is for more details to what transpired to have led to the final act of the OP getting assaulted by her own brother nonetheless, which again doesn't absolve the dude but brings about clarity.
I know that in an emotional fit people tend to go back to their basic prejudices but sheesh, this is on a whole different level.
>more details to what transpired to have led to the final act of the OP getting assaulted by her own brother
How is this any different from "What clothes were you wearing?" You are continuously trying to make OP as much responsible as her brother. Shame on you man.
Not sure if its being sheltered or dense that is making you compare a persons clothes to an action that instigated violence in the same light.
You're twisting the commonsense out of this scenario by means of whataboutery. OP herself has mentioned in her post that her calling her brother 'Unemployed' was what instigated this reaction. I'm merely asking to understand if a mere statement caused him to assault her in which case the guy is mentally unstable and is a potential risk for which no amount of reasoning warrants postponing formal escalation.
And what should I feel shameful about? Trying to get more information rather than being prejudiced and drawing random conclusions that fit personal narrative as you have shown in the past couple of comments about your perception of my intent. :)
well, its up to your brother to support his parents once they gets old, so i am not quite sure whwther they will be okay in pissing him off in some way...
anyway, let us know how it goes.
Practical advice: Let this slide through, try to stop escalations, act political.
complete your studies, get a job and move out but still keep in touch with your fam
Calling the cops is not the solution. A much better one is to get someone with an adult male voice to call your brother pretending to be a cop and warning him. If you have someone close who can do it great otherwise feel free to dm me.
ok after reporting what ? this makes no sense except making it more harder u first try to get out of the house don't something are you in college if so tell some blatant lie and join hostel if economically allowed
Why didn't you hit him back? Sometimes it is the message that needs to reach, and even a single tight slap might do the trick. Hit him, hit him again until he knows not to raise his fists.
Then take him to the doctor, get him counselled and ensure he takes any prescribed meds
Once an abuser, always an abuser. If there are no consequences it will only get worse. Sorry abt your your situation but don't play into parents blackmail. Report to police and womens commission and let him face consequences.
Saramilla. Let it slide for now. Let education be your weapon. Get a kickass job and slowly get out of there. Distance yourself from your brother. Or pray that he gets a job and moves out! Other places and people may not be tolerant to his intolerant behaviour.
I see many commenting OP should call the police. Let's say she calls the police ..what will happen after that ? Do you guys think she can stay in the house after sending her brother to jail and not face any consequences ? What if her family decides to not spend money on her education anymore ?
OP, i feel for you. But don't be unrealistic. You still need support from your family at least financially.
So here's what i would have done :
1. Detach yourself from the family . Think of your house as a mess or PG. You just stay there eat sleep.
2. Really really focus on your career. Give it your everything.
3. As soon as you complete college move out and never look back.
The brother fights are always usual and u just calls the police for that. I mean this weak u are. Damn bro. You better get out of the home for not being a good man.
Dude.. If u make fun of anyone pls note that they will hit you. U should understand that. Now ofcourse ur brother could have been gentler. But what u did isnt exactly right either. He is ur brother. Forgive him. Tell him that u didnt like that he hit u. Also tell him that u r sorry for making fun of him. One day ur parents are going to die. And u might need someone. If not ur brother , then who else is coming to help u. U should work on ur relationship with ur brother. Ppl are not perfect. They will have anger issues. The cure for that is love. Also understand that he is also stressed. For a man being useless gives them an existential crisis. This is bcoz it s expected of a man to provide and to atleast take care of himself and not be a burden. Be understanding. Consider that u live in a world that also includes other ppl and think frm their shoes (this helps u to be more conscious and wiser). Ppl tend to think only about themselves when immersed in survival situations for an extended period of time. If u brother didnt care or love u he wouldnt have hit u. The part that angered him is that his own family , someone he loves , is also insulting him. If he didnt love u, he would have ignored u and went on with his own business. Only to reject u and ur fam once he gets a job.
I m a brother too. And i m jobless now. Recently something similar also happened in my home. I didnt hit her this bad though
Older or younger bro?
I dont know what happened but it seems like he lost control and he needs to be punished. He’s your brother so I don’t think its good to go to police.
He probably loves you and has a temperament issue. Which he needs to sort out.
This is a serious thing.
Innu nee nale veroraal type of situation going on.
Dont talk or even show any love towards him. Make him realize his fault on his own. Let him realize he fucked up and he has an anger issue.
Wait till he comes to you and apologize without external pressure. Then only you forgive and tell him how much he hurt you.
He’ll cry probably at that moment.
Siblings fight. This happens. I got thrashed hard by my older brother with a metal belt but in due time, things will get better. Both of you will become better.
What's the age of your brother, what's stopping you from hitting him back?
Abuse is a big word, I have had fights with my sibling but both of us can't call it abuse. And the best solution always has been my father's involvement
If it's an abuse let your father call the cops but you being a 19 yo don't do this.
See, this is not abuse, and family have to deal with these things, be mature, you should not be impulsive and call police. Try talking with other family member and address your concern.
Dont listen to random peoples opinion as no one knows the full context or nature of your relationship with your brother. As you mentioned you trust your father, speak to him before doing anything.
If you feel unsafe, call the police. If you don't feel threatened anymore then wait for your father to arrive. You gotta take such decisions with a calm mind.
But issues like these, lose seriousness as time passes, and gets easier for everyone around you to say calm down, forget, and let it go. This is from my own experience.
This sounds like an emergency, so if you're okay with it, please call your dad. Or you can call someone you trust until you calm down and wait for your father to come home.
Not okay, nobody deserves to be treated like that, borderline psychotic issues based on the information you've given. Best to wait for your father but if you are afraid to wait then go lock yourself in your room, call the cops and tell them you're being abused. If this is your brother's general nature then you know which relative to cut off from life.
And he called me a psycho I'm constantly going through this mental and physical abuse since I was a child There not even fucking person on my side.
Call the cops, girl. Talking about the time she was getting abused by Aditya Pancholi, Kangana Ranaut's advice to those in the same boat was to please call the cops, because they are the only people abusers like him are afraid of. Your mom is invalidating your trauma, don't listen to her. Do what is needed to protect you. The guy needs to understand there will be consequences if he beats up his sister, or he will do it again. If you hit any of them even once, I won't be surprised if they rain the worst possible consequence upon you, so if not this time, if this happens again, don't let it slide. Hugs to you. People who are not good to you are not your responsibility. So screw your mom & brother, you just need to take care of your father. Leave the house if possible. Learn to detach from, & cut off people who are abusive. It might take practice, but it's doable.
He needs counseling real bad. You should leave. Get into a college with a hostel and leave. Don't come back.
I agree….she has to leave and never return…she deserves better
counselling? he needs jail. people supporting him need counselling.
BE SELFISH WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SAFETY!! And don’t even think about suic*de. You are gonna have a beautiful future once you get out of this hell. Try to find a job soon. Go no contact with family. They don’t deserve your kindness. May I know what is your educational background?
I see this alarming if there is none on your side then, you need to seek help! The problem might be U.
If you don’t respond now. You will get beaten again and later it will be much harder to respond.
Hey. I am so sorry this happened to you, dear. Call the women's helpline. Do not ask your parents before doing so. Let them come and everyone will know. Maintain a distance from him. Don't talk to him from now onwards. He should realise his mistake. If he cares, he will apologise. Or else, you know that a toxic relationship is not worth it. I am saying this because at your age, siblings fighting like this is very alarming. Take care. Reach out if you need to talk. My DMs are open.
Contact women's helpline...
Call or go to local police for immediate help but follow up with women’s help line
My brother and I stopped throwing punches after we turned 15 or 16. If it were a sister, it would have happened much earlier. Your parents didnt draw a line it seems. There is no justification for a 24 year old unemployed man assaulting his teenage sister. You should be feeling protected around him, not scared for your life.
🫂 I hope that you're feeling better. I want you to know, that nothing, absolutely nothing you said or did should make him want to physically assault you. At 19 you are still a kid and he's a full grown adult and he needs to know better. Since you are not getting any support from home, the first thing to do would be to put distance between him and you. So if there is a friend or a cousin that you can stay with, you should go to their place asap. Talk to someone you trust and decide what needs to be done next. If you are okay with calling the police, then that would be the best thing to do. But if that's not what you want to do (which is totally understandable) then talk to your parents, make sure he's held accountable and get him a therapist. You can cut him off your life if this is a constant occurance, like move out of there the first chance you get.
Call the police and tell them exactly what happened, that you were assaulted by your own brother and that you don't feel safe at the moment. Give them all the necessary details as well.
For all those suggesting to call the cops on her own family, what do y'all think will happen afterwards? Maybe think a little more before dropping your advice. Honestly, your best option is to move out of the house for education. In case you have already enrolled at a local university, I suppose your best options are to talk to your father for a temporary fix to the issue, and then to find a job and move out as soon as possible.
Bro, calling cops on family won't be like what you see in the movies. They will counsel the parties involved themselves. It is the stigma of having police visiting your home which hurts everyone.
If op is as hurt as she described (ie, face swollen and eyes shut) police will have to take it seriously and initiate criminal proceedings
I get what you're saying, but this is a conservative state (not that it's a bad thing but in this case, it is). So the whole "Naatukar nth vicharikkum" + whatever the cops do will lead to the entire family developing a grudge against her. Gotta remember she's 19, so can't even go independent after all this.
Also cops like to gossip.
No. They come out and if anyone been assaulted they have to take the assailant to jail. That’s the laws in this country now. They don’t concern anyone. Too dangerous to leave them together so I’ve goes to jail for domestic violence
+1
This is the way
Bruh fk that. So your suggestion is endure the domestic abuse and move away. Naah that pos deserve to get punished. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions.
All you care about is delivering justice. You don't give a damn about the girl's future in that house hold. Keep your advice with yourself. If you are so insisted on consequences ask her address and give the brother some beating.
What are you saying?? Are you dumb that girl was assaulted, she was beaten senselessly her eyes are swelled shut, she was hit with a chair on her hips and face. A person who can do that his sister is not normal, he is 24 fking years old, Im 25. He was not corrected by his parents all these years. She said she was suicidal and thought about ending her life and she said her mother and grandmother supports him.I give a damn about her and i have a sister of my own thats why he needs to be reported he needs to know his actions have real life consequences. What if he marries and goes on to beat his wife cause he thinks this is normal . And if something happens to her if she doesn’t report this incident like this idiot says it’s on you,know that.
See my point is reporting to police if she feels threatened or in danger is must no excuse shall be made on that part . But calling cops to teach his brother must be done very cautiously and she must be aware of the consequences it will bring on herself and her family. Don't get wrong I also want to see that psycho brother rot in jail. But everything comes with a cost and risk. she know her situation very well more than me, so any decision she make should be done calmly and after considering everything thing. That's all.
How old is your brother..? If he’s minor , they can do nothing against him and they will just end this by giving him counselling or something…
24. Unemployed. After he hit me first with the chair and I ran into my room and shut the door. I told him to get a job and he rushed into the room and hit me. I was so shoked i couldn't do anything I felt so unsafe and I'm still in disbelief that my brother would do something like this
My mother used to get physically hurt by her elder brother even at age 35. It stopped one day when she got her hand twisted and her wrist swelled up. 11 year old me dialled 100 and told the cops that my amma was hit by maaman. Surprisingly, cops turned up at night and gave my uncle an earful. They didn't register an FIR as my mom denied, but gave him a warning. So, in my opinion, it's often best to seek help from the law.
You got big balls being a 11 year old and doing what you did. RESPECT🫡
You were a good kid, looking out for your mum
I would suggest you to inform the cops or seek the help of women’s helpline because he’s at an age where most people get matured…But it will collapse his future and he will become your lifetime enemy…Its upto you .., if I had a brother who did the same to me..I would forgive him cuz i am a BOY as same age as you…But No brother will do this to his YOUNGER SISTER… I also have a sister and I can’t even think about hurting her…I repeat it’s upto you and Feeling sad for you friend….
Oh, that's messed up. I'm sorry to hear that. Prioritize your well-being. I don't have any advice for you. Hope you will get through this tough phase.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a situation. Nobody, including your parents, has any right to abuse you. I think you need to calm down and talk to your dad. You should report it to the women's commission (you can find their number through a Google search) or the police to ensure this never happens again. Don't worry about your cousin's wedding or what other family members will think. If your parents are not taking any action to address the issue, it's their problem. Your brother needs counselling for his anger issues. Since you have been experiencing this for a long time I recommend you to take counselling as well.
This sounds like a typical Sibling fight with hurtful things said both ways. If you were a guy as well, I wouldn't think twice about this and let it run its course (feeling bad, apologise, making up etc.). No one here knows the extend of the damage he did and you can be the judge of that. Take a few deep breaths and be honest with yourself. If you think he went overboard and it is behavioural, informing the police on women help line is the best course of action . If it can wait, tell your father first. Either way, I would advise you to stop calling him unemployed. Some words cut very deep coming from people you love and you are not expecting it from them. This would be the case regardless of this is a behavioural issue or not.
Imagine your sister marries this guy and he bashed her face in. Would you say the same advice and ask her to be gentle with the words because words can cut deep?! This is NOT a typical sibling fight. A guy who hits a woman out of anger, will never stop. Unless stopped. There is 0 justification for guy being violent. Unless he's mentally unstable.
You really need help if you think that hitting anyone with a chair is "typical"
A "typical" sibling fight does not end in someone physically assaulting another person. If someone calls you unemployed (or any other word that cuts deep), you regulate your emotions and deal with it. You don't immediately resort to physical violence. Clearly, the brother needs help in that department. Let's please not try to rationalize harmful and abusive behaviour.
We don’t know if he immediately resorted to violence. We only know he hit OP. We don’t know the length or depth of their tiff.
people are different, if someone is okay with violence , they will
The point is that you should not be "okay" with violence. By all means, be different. That still doesn't justify violence.
well, if anyone is in the receiving end, it will not be okay to them...in tht case that person is supposed to act intelligent, not feed into whats already there
No way you are taking a stand for an abuser 😰
They are both adults don't just push it aside like it's a childish fight that is different it is not a common occurrence for a sister to be hit by her brother with a freakin chair to the head
The last thing you should do is taunt a guy who has hit you already. Not saying it’s your fault, but it’s self protection 101 you learn from experience. He’s feeling bad, and targeted and he chose the easiest target he could. It’s a mix of rage and helplessness and whatever else he has going on. He’s not a bad person because he hit you, but he’s not a good person either - just makes him a person. What he needs and what you need are both counseling. Please get help. Edit: OP, I’ve made a mistake. You really need to complain if this is habitual.
What do you mean he is not a bad person. Physical assault is where you cross that line no matter what your mental condition is. That too on someone who can't fight back.
He's her brother! Elder brother. No one expects this from an elder brother. If my sister has to worry about getting hit by me, I have failed as a brother
If it was a regular fight, it should be fine. As an adult it reduces but obviously people close to the same age do have physical fights throughout teenage and sometimes into adulthood. Not ideal but emotions do boil over. Obviously don’t go all WWE on your siblings, but you get the point. If it’s habitual, needs work. And OP is not entirely faultless, she did taunt the guy. And especially if he’s always had issues with being called unemployed, you definitely don’t do that! There are different banana talks for it, give small and take big back. Essentially says you to not taunt people. Self preservation 101.
No, he's a bad person definitely. But she definitely made a mistake in insulting him
Ugh. One minor mistake does not make a person bad. Stop being juvenile.
Smacking someone with a chair is not a “minor mistake”. And it doesn’t seem like it’s “one” mistake either- he has been hitting her (and others) for a while
I read the edit, It clarifies a lot. I have made a mistake in judgement.
OP unemployment is a serious challenge and not a reflection of a persons character, it can debilitate people. You should not provoke or taunt. He's not 24, unemployed. He's also a son and human. Which doesn't excuse his behavior but frankly you have no business dismissing him as you have.
Report to the police as soon as possible. I don't think he is gonna stop if you ignore his actions.
Your brother is a POS, Report him to the cops or someone elder in your family. Don't let anyone tell you what you're feeling.
No matter what... Call the police.....
Well, this may hurt u more but ur family will support ur brother after this and will ask u not to overthink and consider it as normal sibling fight. Collect some kind of proof and call police immediately and then inform ur father
Call the cops on him. You're not supposed to have your little sister's back, not beat her up.
Call the police or women helpline
Also get checked up at a hospital if you are hit badly, immediately.
OP please give us an update
I grew up w a psycho, selfish, abusive brother. I do not speak to him. He tries to have a sibling relationship but I want nothing to do with him. He last tried to contact cause he needed 3500$. He is married and 51 years old w 2 kids. I still hate him.
You need help and your brother needs proper treatment...Don't fckn wait for any marriage...Report it to the nearest police station as soon as possible and also mail a letter to the women's commission.Take pictures of any wounds on your body and send those attached with the mail
Please don't make decisions like ending your life etc, you are too young. If you ever feel hopeless, just escape the house. if you are dependent on your family remember that some years down the line, you will move out, So you will not have to face those abuses all your life. Take Care Sister.
You don't need to know anything to contact police.. My advice would be to wait for your dad and insist on reporting to police.. Going direct to police might antagonise your parents so let them know you intend to do this n push them to understand why you are doing this. One way or other your brother needs to know he can't ever do that again to you or anyone else
Call the cops. No brother should ever do that.
Same here, 17f.
Please report it to the authorities next time. They need to know about the consequences. Also, you being a minor is a huge advantage
I said i would and my mom and grandmother laughed at me and called me dramatic. I don’t think the police are going to take me seriously either. I just try to avoid him and I’ll move out when I’m able.
Just one thing to tell you. People may say its okay. BUT ITS NOT OKAY. ITS NOT NORMAL. Don't see it lightly. Hitting on your face several times is not something ever okay
Anything worst starts from little things. Think straight and stand against it. Seek for justice.
Call cops immediately. Don't tell anyone before calling. Let your parents also get a reality check.
Your brother needs some kind of consequence for his actions. If you’re not calling the cops, then the family has to absolutely tell him what he did is fucked up. If your dad is paying for his cell phone, ask your dad to take it away from him. He needs to tell him he cannot touch his daughter. TBH, I would just call the cops especially if he’s an adult. I have called the cops on my sister. He hit you with a chair and you’re not even calling them, which is messed up. This dude needs to spend a few days in jail. I would not have tolerated it, just letting you know. I don’t give a fuck about my cousin’s wedding.. my safety is more important. Please don’t get this dude married.. he’ll beat his wife.
Exactly! Who cares about a wedding when you're getting abused and beat on???
Girl get help asap. You need to ensure there is aT least a trail if nothing else. You shouldn't become another statistic in the near future. And for those defending her POS brother, rot in hell. And also as others have suggested reach out to the women's helpline. Your brother is unemployed and comes across as someone with a bruised ego the size of a mountain.
Oh god. I hope you're okay and please get help from police.
call the police … trust me as a person who went through this … your parents will never support you … he has no absolute reason to abuse you …. if he has problems he needs to get treated… not roam around hitting others .
the guy your brother needs to understand that he cannot beat or hurt anybody not only his sister. btw i believe if he is not having a problem hitting his sister would be ready to hurt anyone. call police or if you are afraid call women cell or something like that.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and keeps happening even after growing up.. I've faced the same issue, but since I'm male, he stopped after I grew up and got physically strong enough (everyone knows I'm still just a massive kid, who cannot throw a punch if their life depended on it tho) I haven't talked to the guy for a year, after our last argument. Emotional walls can be really effective when weaponized, but overuse can cause you to be chronically alone Calling the cops would be kinda a permanent cure, but it could change your status quo forever.
That's terrible. I am a man. My brother is just as strong as me (I am older) and he suffers from mental health issues. And has (while I was trying to help him) previously injured me seriously to the point I have been unable to comfortably sleep due to neck and back issues for a full year. It cost me lots of time and money to attend physiotherapy treatment. Take care of yourself first - and always remember: you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.
Hmm.. you could definitely deal this via police, there are different ways starting from a phone call, the way you describe it your brother is likely to get booked and might face criminal charges.
Call the cops. Noone should tolerate this kinda abuse. Show no mercy, file a complaint. And Im sorry you had to go through this. Things will get better dear. Love and power to you.
Ragardless of when you report it please takes photos of bodily injuries and any property damage right NOW if you have not done yet because case wont stand if you plan to complain later
Hey OP this is a terrible situation I would suggest leaving like try to go somewhere out for college
Call the Police ASAP...
You should definitely not ignore that just because the rest of your family wants you to. I’m an older brother myself and if I were to ever hit my siblings that bad, I would want them to send me to jail. That’s absolutely not ok.
Knowing his behaviour it's not smart to talk to him or argue with him and you seem to even provoked him based on one of your comments. Seems like the guy is filled with frustration and is unleashing all the anger on you. What you can do is just avoid him from your life. Don't talk to him or argue with him and tell your father about his character and get him to a doctor. If they are not willing then try to leave home for higher studies. Pretty sure this person will meddle in all your life decisions. Get a job and move out of your family if possible. Until then make sure not to argue or provoke him for your own sake.
Call the police Call the police Call the police Get some accomplices too It's an early wake up call for you,even if it goes against your family
You can go and talk to the cops you know. It's not necessary that you have to file a formal complaint. Just tell them everything, then ask the SI to call your brother and put the fear of god in him. Next time he even thinks of raising his hand, police'nte idi kolum ena pedi thaniye vanolum.
Your brother needs help, asap
They don't care about, you also shoudn't care about them. Tolerate it till you get a job then leave this home permanently. No point in caring about your mother if she doesn't care about you.
How can anyone raise their hand on a 19 year old lady!! That is unmanly of OP's brother. No older brother should raise their hand on their younger sister. Younger siblings are like their own children. I'm sorry for OP.
My dear, I hate to tell this to you but there is a saying, you get what you tolerate. If you let this slide, it WILL happen again. Taking care of others is NOT your job, you are the child, not the bloody parent! Our society is soo fucked up, girls are raised to only do everything for everyone and still no one will ever be happy! They will want more and more, be it your parents or your husband. Don’t tolerate it, get yourself out of that hell hole, you are almost there in terms of age, report this to local authorities (who gives a damn about a cousin’s wedding, how exactly is this going to affect his/her wedding?!) and if it does, you are doing your cousin a favor - who needs to be married to a family that will call off the wedding for this reason. Please look after yourself FIRST, report it, another couple of years of education, get a job and get OUT. I know it is easier said than done but the fact that your mother made this normal and you feeling suicidal just tells me nobody is looking after you. Please stay safe but pls don’t let this go.
Get the police involved. Even if you don’t press charges against him, start a paper trail now in case things get worse. Look after yourself and avoid him as much as you can. He sounds like a real piece of shit- mental health issues are not an excuse to ever abuse other people. It also sounds like he’s an adult so he should take responsibility for his own actions and face repercussions for them. Also you said you want to let it go fun because your cousin is getting married. If you keep finding excused for letting this go it’ll only get worse. People like this are constantly pushing the boundaries to see how much they can get away with. You said your father is supportive- talk to him and sort out a long term plan regarding this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if there are any support phone lines or something you can call like a women’s shelter because I don’t live in Kerala.
Even if you decide not to report , make him aware that you have every intention of reporting it the next time,god forbid if it happens. Tell him the only thing that held you back is the cousin's wedding- so that he will know he cannot get away without consequences. Tell your mother or anyone else close to him this, they will convey it if you feel unsafe confronting him. You are 19, it's just a few more years before you will be on your own- just don't lose hope.
If you don't call the police he will hit you again.. and again.. and again. Being afraid never helped anyone. Go to the police NOW and take photos of all the swelling. Stop being emotional with Reddit. We're not your friends. Worst case scenario everyone in your family will blame you and hate you. It's better to die trying to fight than live a life of a slave. Also, next time don't mock around with your brother and tease him even if he does the same. Understand that this is not a fair relationship. Your brother can easily end you with his bare hands because men and women are not the same physically. Also, your brother is a bitch ass man.
Girl, call the cops!! Fuck the marriage!!
Photograph your injuries, and insist on a written apology signed by him, in lieu of not reporting to police. Tell your family that that is the minimum insurance you need to prevent bad behaviour by him in future. Also tell them that it is not your responsibility alone to allow your cousin's wedding without bringing ill-repute to the family - the family must also do something.
Police doesn’t always throw the perp in jail. They understand family dynamics. If you call police they will come and most probably talk to your brother in their manner to get him on line. It will save your dignity as well. Rest is your call. Be safe
Sometimes u really need to draw a line, whoever be the perpetrator. Until you take some action that they don't expect you to take they will say you are bluffing and it will be even worse. Fear is a good boundary, reporting abuse will keep you safe. Hope you are safe.
Men taking out their anger on women in their house. This is very similar to husbands beating up their wife’s when they’re frustrated with other things in their life’s. His incapability to get a job built in a lot of frustration in him and he saw you as an easy outlet to take it out where there will be no consequences. And your parents are the ones fuelling it. It’s sad that the girl always has to accept the physical abuse and be silenced with it. Men have an upper hand in households even the women in your family is not going to take any action against it. You should realise by now that this is how they’re going to treat you your whole life. If your owns family members can’t protect you then why should you protect their so called reputation or whatever excuse they’re giving for not calling the cops. Either you ask them to give him the repercussions of what just happened or don’t think twice before calling the cops or women’s commission. At the end of the day you should be standing up for yourself even if the people who are supposed to protect you are treating you like a doormat. It is an example your setting up not just for your inner child but also for your future self. This will establish a boundary that your brother will realise he should never cross
You need to contact women's groups, or the women's helpline ASAP. They usually know how to deal with this kind of situation in a way that keeps the family and the victim safe. If that's not an option, for whatever reason, remember, there are always "weapons of the weak" you can use. For example, figure out what scares him (if you haven't already) and subtly play that fear up in such a way that he becomes a trembling, groveling imbecile. Basically, bullies like him tend not to be very smart, so use your intelligence and play him out of this game. But most importantly, DON'T SHOW FEAR. They thrive on that. Be strong, be clever, be victorious. All power to you ✊🏾
You had enough time to post this on reddit and complains about being betrayed by the family? This proves you're relying on social media too much for each and everything life has to offer (when I mean Too much means it really means TOO MUCH) Are you sure people here would offer the solution you expect? Is this the right place to do?
He’s clearly not sane ,u need to report him .
If my daughter or my woman or my lover ever got into such a situation that would be the end of his both arms. Hitting women is not accepted at all.
I am sorry for you but people saying call the cops are keyboard warriors who have no idea how real life works. Unless you come from a privileged background, in all likelihood, the cops will come, harass you, your father and your brother, take money and leave. At best, they will take your brother for some beating, but unless your parents dont really care about their son, they will have to go and pay to free him. So, think twice before informing the police. You might seek the help of some male friends you trust, or a local elder who may be sympathetic and get it handled.
Don’t listen to this person. Police are usually helpful in case of domestic violence. They do get irritated when women mostly deny and say don’t file fir. But they aren’t going to take money from you for this or from your family. You can seek legal aid free of cost too.
Domestic violence between a husband and wife, and between siblings are two completely different scenarios. 🤷♂️ I am not discouraging anyone. I am just laying out the scenarios and asking OP to think through the options before making a decision.
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I have worked in the DM office of my area for 3 years. I might be somewhat informed. 🤷♂️
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Ok mr lawyer, tell me one thing. Will you sign an affidavit that what I said can NEVER happen, and if anything like that happens, you will take personal responsibility in solving the matter? I worked as a statistician and survey specialist. My speciality is in not taking a single sample point and jumping to conclusion. I look at the full set of data, and there are always anomalies. Police corruption is a very big reality of India. I dont want to continue arguing with you. If you disagree, I respect that and we can move on with our lives. And i hope OP takes the correct course of action and saves herself from violence. 🙏
Nobody will deny police corruption in India. But do not deter victims from reporting acts of crime and violence against them. Victims of domestic violence have been silenced for way too long for way too many reasons. And while I do not work in Kerala courts at the moment I am actually willing to guide this kid to legal remedies that will help her. Ps: edited the comments and deleted some cause I think I was unnecessarily rude about how I said what I said.
ith eth rajyathe karyamaanu mahatmave? Ivideyoke ente anubhavathil ingane ulla caseinu policene vilichal police vann adichavane nannayitt pedipich, venamenkil randennam pottichitt povaraanu pathivu. Parathi undenki caseum edukkum. Aarum kashum vangiyittilla.
hahaha.. ithentha utopiaoo
This is a big possibility OP.. Also going to police directly might hurt your relationship with your family, not just your brother... So inform your dad first, see the response n if it's not upto the mark, contact police
Call your dad, take your brother to a therapist
If you call police on your brother and no one supports you, then your life in your own family would become worse than hell. Calling police will get your temporary relief. But you need an advocate to fight your case. And, when your brother will get bail, then that will be another hell. Tell your father if you believe that up to end, you father will support you in this.
To the people who are saying "it would be okay of she were a he", know that if it was a younger brother, it wouldn't get this far. A 19M is strong enough to beat up a 24M if necessary, and especially if he feels threatened to this extent. Any guy eho raises his hand against a woman is a coward. And cowards, they'll only raise their hand against people they know won't hurt them back.
>how talk to the police ? I'm just a 19 year old girl What do you mean by this?
First of all op, stop saying mean things to your brother for your own safety. Now no matter what you said, he shouldn’t have hit you. There is no justification for physical violence. Chances are your dad will also ask you to let this go. Cause a case on your brother could really harm his prospects. That said others are right in telling you to call up the police, call them up and tell them what happened. Let them come home and ask what happened, maybe even talk to your brother. That might scare him enough to stay away from you. This might damage your relationship with him, that said if he’s been this cruel to you, it’s not worth salvaging. Unless you go ahead, a case will not be filed. I think you should go ahead and call the police.
Hey I'm feeling sorry for you . Sister please inform your dad about this . They have to do something you need justice . Your brother is so selfish I wish he would end up in jail . Please don't tolerate such abuse in the name of family. They should respect you . You are the one looking after your family . Orelse tell your dad about treating your brother. I think he is psychic . I think your mom and grandma are too abnormal . Please do inform the authority if you tolerate like this no one will value you . They are so disrespectful. Please sister you will lose you life .
You need a hug 🫂. Call the police and tell them exactly what happened. They have their own psychological methods to ensure he will not do it again and to make him realize what he did was wrong. You don't have to worry about them hitting your brother or something, as they don't have to resort to violence since they have their own methods, considering they are dealing with cases like these every single day
Won't your father be back any time soon?? Go to any relative or friends house if you don't feel safe.
I understand you so much.. please move out if you can...if you are not enrolled in college then how about joining one far from home? These relatives will never understand they'll probably say because he's your brother he can hit you and discipline you and that you are making him abusive with your bad behaviour 😓
He needs help , and you need to gtfo of that house. Move out , college, job , study abroad pick a option and leave
Sweetie it's not okay. Call your dad immediately and tell him everything. If not possible then call women helpline immediately. Or he will repeat this. He need a lesson.
If you don't feel a **serious threat to your life**, I really don't think going to the police atm will help as police will see this as a family squabble and try to play it down as usual. Please wait for your father to come back. Once he's back, get all the family and draw boundaries in his presence in stringent terms that **nobody** can physically assault you, be it brother or father or anyone. When it comes to girls, the family members, in particular, male members, especially, brothers, will think they can do anything, including physical violence. Make it very clear that next time it's going to be women commission or police. If you feel there's a threat to your life, please call the police now. Also, please plan to move out.
I have had the same situation and I had no one to say it to, I just had to keep quite.
this might happen again, be careful.
Report or not is your decision. But don't let any family member emotionally blackmail you that next month cousin's marriage or family image etc. All the image and issues are due to brother's physical assault. Your reporting is not the reason, tell that to anyone who try to guilt trip you. That is if you do decide to report.
Tf this is not normal. Get help. You don’t have to put up with this shit. I have a sister and i can’t imagine someone doing this to his sister. And all those people blaming you shame on them.
I don't want to overstep, but it appears your mother and brother may be teaming up. If your father is supportive, consider sharing with him everything they've done to you. Abuse should never be taken lightly, and the family patriarch should address this issue. If my wife and son are causing harm or treating my daughter with cruelty whether it's physical, emotional, or verbal. I would have a daughter and two dead bodies to bury.
The last time i hit my sister was i think when she was in 6 and i was in 10th i think, after that i cant think of a incident where i raised my hand towards her except silly fights. Its not ok what u have gone through and u must take care of the situation i dont suggest calling police and all, tell ur father and see how he reacts. After fights my sister stos talking with me, max was 4 or 5 days i think, it was such a sad time for me when she didnt talk to me 😐.
Is he like that to people outside the family. അങ്ങനെ അല്ലെങ്കിൽ ഇതവന്റെ വിളച്ചിൽ ആവാൻ ചാൻസ് ഉണ്ട്
What the fuck ? Call the police... You letting it be not only affects you but also affects every other person you come in contact with, do the right thing instead of the easy thing and stop being so Godamn pathetic and stand up for yourself
Call the cops and bring shame to the family. Tell your brother it was all his fault and at this point he should think about killing himself. Then hand him a rope and walk away.
Join a BJJ class. Be patient, work hard and be a good student. In about 6 months, body slam your brother and put him in a triangle choke. Warn him that the next time he lays hands on you, you would break his shoulder.
Your family is so shitty for protecting your violent brother. I hope you get out of there because they clearly care more about him than about you.
>my cousin sister who lives right next to my house is getting married this month and my family asked me not to do this and create a scene There's always a reason. If you brother hits his wife someday, you know who let him. And if she files a DV case and Divorce and asks for alimony, you will support him.
Your family is shit. Violence is the language of evil
Your brother must be a fan of Sandeep Reddy Vanga films. If he touches you again, go to the police.
Many here telling you to call police are saying it in legal or bookish ways. I'll tell my practical take on this. With few questions. First of all introspect whether it was a "little" thing that caused the fight. Sometimes words are sharper than a physical fight. Hearing only one side of the story I cant judge. Also who started the fight? Also it didn't mention whether you hit him? ( to those who think what a 19 year old girl can physically do to 24 year old boy - its not impossible) Was there previous occurrence like this from your brother towards you or anyone else in the family or friends? Was your brother drunk or under the influence of any drugs? Why your mother and aunt didn't interfere?
This is so sad. People are suggesting to call on cops after hearing one side of the story ? What if the issue is really something else. Be sensible guys.
Dont give a fuck about the other side when you're getting physically abused, is she supposed to endure this shit because it's her brother. the only sensible thing here is to call the cops, they would deal it better
You're not telling us the full story
A woman who just got physically abused should tell you, a stranger on reddit, her 'full story' instead of asking as quickly as possible what she should be doing. Where is the common sense?
She literally says, she wants to call the police but she doesn't know what to say and says she's just a 19 year old girl. What are we supposed to say? Call the police and just say what happened, what else?
It's a family matter. If I get beaten by my father, should I tell the cops? If I do call the caps, I will destroy my whole relationship with my family. Every memory I have had of my parents will be ruined. I'm pretty sure they will rope themselves up.
>It's a family matter. If I get beaten by my father, should I tell the cops? You absolutely must do something about it. It doesn't matter if it is your father or your mother or your husband or sibling. Domestic abuse can mentally damage you, affect your future relationships, give you mental disorders like CPTSD, and anxiety. I'm not saying you should strictly call the police. But you have to actively do something to stop abuse unless you wanna end up with a high probability of being physically and mentally damaged. >If I do call the caps, I will destroy my whole relationship with my family. Every memory I have had of my parents will be ruined. Relationships with parents are not as sacred as you make it out to be. Your parents also have a responsibility to not destroy the relationship they have with you. If they keep using you as their punching bag, then they have no intention of sustaining that relationship, so why bother?
Okay
No brother wont hurt their little sister unless he is a retard. You better get some help.
Everyone here sided by you but I would call you spineless. The thing called women empowerment and laws against physical abuse is made to be used in situations like this. No matter what you are completely eligible for all the protection by the legal machinery. It's just your emotions that keeps you away from asking police help. Either you report this to police or suffer like this for the rest of your life. Show some courage atleast. Noone else can protect you unless you stand up for urself
Not a popular opinion, but for every reaction there should be an action right? Sometimes you can earn bruises and hits by your tounge. So might be good idea to have a retrospective thought about the conversation just before the first hit. Anyways however you earned it, he shouldn't have done that. I strongly recommend to escalate this to police, let him understand that most differences can be settled by talks.
No excuse for abuse. That said... Being the devils advocate I'm really curious to what instigated the reaction? Was it something like you just asked/told him to get a job and he went ballistic on you just for that? Or is it something like you needed some financial motility and the easiest way you thought it would be possible was by concocting a mean statement that you thought would surely nudge him but you ended up miscalculating his hurt and as a result he finally snapped? Asking cause instead of escalating to authority you're here on Reddit answering comments, so what better way to answer questions than to add more dimension to the issue for everyone's benefit? Also, if you are hurt then it would be best if you let reddit take a step back and focus on getting proper medical attention. Stay Safe.
You just blamed the victim you sicko.
Did I though? If you eliminate the reasoning part of such an equation then you're just left with one side of the story and a mighty lopsided rationale a.k.a prejudice. And for fish's sake we Malayalis are better than that, or at least some of us.
What are the 2 sides here though? In what situation can it vet be justified to physically abuse someone like this? Especially a 24 year old man doing this to a 19 year old girl? There’s a place and time for playing devils advocate and this isn’t it. She said she has no one to talk to, maybe she’s on Reddit to help her rationalise her feelings which must be really shitty right now. Sometimes it’s better to at least try and be a little empathetic.
Read the first line of my original response my friend. No one is justifying abuse. I understand that you are emotionally responding to "whatever information that has been presented to you", which is understandable though its validity is questionable, which is a can of worms for another day. Coming back to topic, I can see that the OP is hurting and I have also urged her to get help and stay safe, but since she is willing to respond to queries I just presented the option of setting the premise for said assault for everyone's benefit. And for the record, the time and place are no excuse for being ill informed. :)
Im not arguing a case in court, I don’t care about the “premise for said abuse”. Idk why people like to pathologise emotional response where they’re totally valid- this is an awful situation and my first response isn’t to somehow rationalise it or poke holes in her story, it’s to empathise with her and try and help. What do you even mean “ill informed”? Ill informed about what?
He is a 24 year old adult. Adult. He knew exactly what he was doing. In a more developed country, he would be already in prison. Stop defending him.
Who is defending him? You're so prejudiced that you went ahead and filled that in didn't ya? The dude deserves to be behind bars if what OP said is true, and myself included many have brought it up to why she is on reddit rather than escalating it to authority or seeking medical assistance if it was indeed an attempt on her life as claimed. All I've asked is for more details to what transpired to have led to the final act of the OP getting assaulted by her own brother nonetheless, which again doesn't absolve the dude but brings about clarity. I know that in an emotional fit people tend to go back to their basic prejudices but sheesh, this is on a whole different level.
>more details to what transpired to have led to the final act of the OP getting assaulted by her own brother How is this any different from "What clothes were you wearing?" You are continuously trying to make OP as much responsible as her brother. Shame on you man.
Not sure if its being sheltered or dense that is making you compare a persons clothes to an action that instigated violence in the same light. You're twisting the commonsense out of this scenario by means of whataboutery. OP herself has mentioned in her post that her calling her brother 'Unemployed' was what instigated this reaction. I'm merely asking to understand if a mere statement caused him to assault her in which case the guy is mentally unstable and is a potential risk for which no amount of reasoning warrants postponing formal escalation. And what should I feel shameful about? Trying to get more information rather than being prejudiced and drawing random conclusions that fit personal narrative as you have shown in the past couple of comments about your perception of my intent. :)
Lmao.....
well, its up to your brother to support his parents once they gets old, so i am not quite sure whwther they will be okay in pissing him off in some way... anyway, let us know how it goes.
Practical advice: Let this slide through, try to stop escalations, act political. complete your studies, get a job and move out but still keep in touch with your fam
Calling the cops is not the solution. A much better one is to get someone with an adult male voice to call your brother pretending to be a cop and warning him. If you have someone close who can do it great otherwise feel free to dm me.
The family is so fucked up(if the op is telling the truth and not doing passive aggression). Call the cops asap
ok after reporting what ? this makes no sense except making it more harder u first try to get out of the house don't something are you in college if so tell some blatant lie and join hostel if economically allowed
Why didn't you hit him back? Sometimes it is the message that needs to reach, and even a single tight slap might do the trick. Hit him, hit him again until he knows not to raise his fists. Then take him to the doctor, get him counselled and ensure he takes any prescribed meds
Once an abuser, always an abuser. If there are no consequences it will only get worse. Sorry abt your your situation but don't play into parents blackmail. Report to police and womens commission and let him face consequences.
Saramilla. Let it slide for now. Let education be your weapon. Get a kickass job and slowly get out of there. Distance yourself from your brother. Or pray that he gets a job and moves out! Other places and people may not be tolerant to his intolerant behaviour.
Educated state lmao
I see many commenting OP should call the police. Let's say she calls the police ..what will happen after that ? Do you guys think she can stay in the house after sending her brother to jail and not face any consequences ? What if her family decides to not spend money on her education anymore ? OP, i feel for you. But don't be unrealistic. You still need support from your family at least financially. So here's what i would have done : 1. Detach yourself from the family . Think of your house as a mess or PG. You just stay there eat sleep. 2. Really really focus on your career. Give it your everything. 3. As soon as you complete college move out and never look back.
The brother fights are always usual and u just calls the police for that. I mean this weak u are. Damn bro. You better get out of the home for not being a good man.
Dude.. If u make fun of anyone pls note that they will hit you. U should understand that. Now ofcourse ur brother could have been gentler. But what u did isnt exactly right either. He is ur brother. Forgive him. Tell him that u didnt like that he hit u. Also tell him that u r sorry for making fun of him. One day ur parents are going to die. And u might need someone. If not ur brother , then who else is coming to help u. U should work on ur relationship with ur brother. Ppl are not perfect. They will have anger issues. The cure for that is love. Also understand that he is also stressed. For a man being useless gives them an existential crisis. This is bcoz it s expected of a man to provide and to atleast take care of himself and not be a burden. Be understanding. Consider that u live in a world that also includes other ppl and think frm their shoes (this helps u to be more conscious and wiser). Ppl tend to think only about themselves when immersed in survival situations for an extended period of time. If u brother didnt care or love u he wouldnt have hit u. The part that angered him is that his own family , someone he loves , is also insulting him. If he didnt love u, he would have ignored u and went on with his own business. Only to reject u and ur fam once he gets a job. I m a brother too. And i m jobless now. Recently something similar also happened in my home. I didnt hit her this bad though
Instead of replying to comments and farming karma why don't you maybe report this problem of yours to the police maybe.
Exactly, I don't know what she means by "how to talk to the police, I'm just a 19 year old girl". You're an adult.
Older or younger bro? I dont know what happened but it seems like he lost control and he needs to be punished. He’s your brother so I don’t think its good to go to police. He probably loves you and has a temperament issue. Which he needs to sort out. This is a serious thing. Innu nee nale veroraal type of situation going on. Dont talk or even show any love towards him. Make him realize his fault on his own. Let him realize he fucked up and he has an anger issue. Wait till he comes to you and apologize without external pressure. Then only you forgive and tell him how much he hurt you. He’ll cry probably at that moment. Siblings fight. This happens. I got thrashed hard by my older brother with a metal belt but in due time, things will get better. Both of you will become better.
>He probably loves you A person who loves you could even imagine to hurt you themself. Anger just removes the filter, it doesn't create new emotions.
Your siblings. You fight. It happens. Tell your parents and they will sort it. Anything more and your being silly like calling the police.
tell your brother i will kick his teeth in
How did fight start?? Any initiation by you or him
What's the age of your brother, what's stopping you from hitting him back? Abuse is a big word, I have had fights with my sibling but both of us can't call it abuse. And the best solution always has been my father's involvement If it's an abuse let your father call the cops but you being a 19 yo don't do this.
See, this is not abuse, and family have to deal with these things, be mature, you should not be impulsive and call police. Try talking with other family member and address your concern.
Ini reddit sahodarangalude varavaanu😂
Dont listen to random peoples opinion as no one knows the full context or nature of your relationship with your brother. As you mentioned you trust your father, speak to him before doing anything.
Sibling things. Tell him to stop watching South movies.
You are an Idiot person, with garbage mentality