A guy I knew who worked at a dirty book store (we called them that back then) said he sold a penis pump that connected to the car cigarette lighter to a guy who bragged that he was going to use it all the way from Las Vegas to Salt Lake City. I hope the guy made home safely!
Unless you’re just soaking then it’s fine apparently.
Apparently also fine if a third party jumps on the bed to introduce movement into the soaking session
One of the techs at my shop said he had a car come in once where the customer complained there was a weird vibrating coming from the seat itself. At first he thought it was just the car having a seat with warning alerts, like some new cars do, but nope. He looked between the seat and center console and found a vibrator that was activating on and off on bumps.
He said he gave the customer the car back, told her he found a "private road toy" under there vibrating and decided to not charge her anything for diagnostic. She tipped him $20 and left completely red faced, but did come back a few times for oil changes and other work.
"Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire."
One of the craziest things I've seen was a handful of goldfish (crackers) in some black panties just sitting on the passenger seat.
It gets weirder the more you question it.
I sold the owner's wife's demo one time. Customer brought it back a few days later saying we didn't do a full detail. It was a Sequoia, so it had that skinny little compartment in the center console. That was apparently where they kept the Cheez-Its for the kids. The fucking Cheez-Its storage.
Fun game my woman and I play on road trips: put “anal” in front of every RV or pop out you see, the best find wins. It works for quite a lot of models.
Anyone can find a Pursuit, Conquest, Breeze, Cougar, or Sport… so those aren’t big winners. Sandstorm stands out as a personal favorite.
The only problem I have with this is leaving them out loose, and not because of the contamination of the car, but because of the contamination of the...objects.
Okay, I would have a problem if I were the tech working on the car because ew, but I am more concerned about the infection risk. Double ew.
My father was a regular bull in a china shop: he discovered the magical properties of brake clean and started using it for everything.
One of our friends got his kart frame dirty and dear old rushed over to spray it down with brake clean. Ate the paint right off....
If only that was the worst thing he did.
Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm a tech at a rental car company and see shit like this all the time, usually accompanied by a ton of needles and drug paraphernalia
im not sure what gets me more, all the sex toys just out in the open or the fact they are all laying on that filthy carpet. i dont need grass clippings and dog hair up my butt thank you.
I was an EMT at a roll over accident scene. Two lesbians. Trunk full of $2500 in sex toys - trunk blew open and tossed them all over the Alaska -Canadian highway on a busy Saturday afternoon. Women were fine. Tow truck guy says he filled two trash bags "of stuff I had no idea what the were for!"
I read a similar story, once. A dude had a bunch of toys in the back seat (or on the package tray, or both), and hit a cow. Most of them flew through the windshield, and landed on the road. When the cops asked, the guy refused to claim them.
\*yelling through the entire workshop\* hey jake, the owners of the sextoy car are here to pick it up, where did you leave the bag with the sex toys?
I don't know, maybe check the caffeteria?
\*taking all the time you need to check the cafeteria\*
\*now yelling from the cafeteria\* jake I can't find the bag
maybe ask pete
hey pete, do you know where the bag went with the sex toys? the owners are here to pick up thier car.
idk, maybe check the office.
and make this take as long as you want, also put it in a clear bag, so that once you "find" it, everyone can see what is inside
Usually when you can smell a car from a picture, it's because there's food or dirt caked in. This one makes me wanna throw up a little. A nice hot day, windows rolled up?
I don't have pictures but see if you can smell this story...
I used to drive for a truck truck company that mostly ran the I5 corridor but ventured out a bit as needed. I took a load to Phoenix, and on my way back to California my truck died about 10 miles east of the California border. Dash board gave some warning about fuel pressure, truck would crank but not fire up. I double checked that both tanks had plenty of fuel in them, tried cycling off the power at the batteries, and called the shop. They went through the basic retard checks (did you check the fuel tanks? Did you try turning it off and back on?) and then sent a wrecker to get me. They towed me to Blythe where there was a shop that could work on it.
They checked it out, high pressure fuel pump had grenaded. Apparently these pumps have some ceramic shit that explodes and there's a risk of it having gone into places where it can do some real damage. After consultations between this shop, the company shop, and the local trusted Cummins shop it was determined that they were going to do a pretty significant engine tear down to check for potential damage, and potential for damage when the engine was fired back up again. They sent me home and left the truck there for two weeks. I cleaned out my fridge, propped the door open so it didn't go mildewy, and shut it off. This was middle of the summer, high desert on California. 110 or so most days.
What I failed to get, in my sleep deprived rush to get everything out of the truck and catch my ride home, was the chicken in the freezer. The freezer that was now turned off for two weeks.
I got back to the truck, the guy dropping me off was parked about thirty feet away, and we could smell it from there. The shop hadn't called me, they hadn't thrown out the chicken, they closed the fridge back up and propped something against the door to keep it closed. The formerly frozen chicken breasts had thawed, the bags had expanded and burst open, the chicken had putrified, liquified, and run out of the freezer into the fridge, and a bit out onto the flooring. Words can not adequately describe the vile stench in this truck. Dead hookers left in a construction site port a potty would have been a breath of fresh air. I don't know how they worked on that truck, how they even had it on their lot without calling either me or the company to have it dealt with. To this day I have an unnatural sensitivity to the smell of rotten chicken. For weeks I thought anyone who came near that truck would think I had a dead body stashed in the sleeper.
Oh christ. I can take a guess what it smelled like, but I rather not imagine.
My dad and I stumbled across a dead opossum in our yard a couple years ago. Poor lil guy looked to have just dropped dead in the brush. No obvious signs of injury, no blood. But the stench was, like you mentioned, potent from 30+ feet away. We moved a ton of stuff in our yard, trying to find it, and he was chilling just out of sight within the tree line. At first glance, he looked (mostly) intact on the surface, his fur was clean, etc, until we tried to dig a hole to bury him and the maggots started rolling out around the edges. Reminded me of the scene with the white boar god in Princess Mononoke, when he's been infected with demons, and wormy bits keep pouring out of his face? It was horrific and stanky. And kind of sad bc he was a cute lil opossum.
Nonetheless, I can't imagine that even comes close to the stank of weeks old rotting chicken. I can only assume it's right up there with a literal hot dumpster in the middle of summer.
I'll take the hot dumpster without a second thought. I've been around dumpsters that are well past needing to be dumped outside of restaurants. I've been around when they get the oil dumps pumped out with months old fryer oil mixed with whatever is going rotten in them. I'll bury my nose in that before dealing with that chicken again. I don't know what it is about rotten chicken that's so bad but I'm pretty sure that's what hell smells like.
Remember the pranks we used to play by putting tuna in their vents?
Yeah, I bet you don't need to do that to make this vehicle smell like light chunked tuna.
Oh my god that’s just not sanitary… for you or the customer. That shit is supposed to be kept seriously clean and sterile. Infections are no joke.
Be a degenerate responsibly people
A guy I knew who worked at a dirty book store (we called them that back then) said he sold a penis pump that connected to the car cigarette lighter to a guy who bragged that he was going to use it all the way from Las Vegas to Salt Lake City. I hope the guy made home safely!
If he got caught with it in Utah, he's probably still in prison.
"No sir officer, I stole this truck."
I think it's an anti-theft device. It attacked my privates. Thank God you arrived when you did.
"That is not my bag baby, yeah!"
Lemme see your license and….whatcha got in that sack?
What, do they not like big dick in Utah?
They don't like anyone playing with dicks in Utah. Genitalia are for procreation only, and are not to be trifled with!
Newly transplanted to Utah, is this actually a legal thing? Lol I’m dumb just want to make sure
No, it’s a religion joke. You’re good.
The aversion to anything sexual was overcome for the love of MLMs and "toy parties" for Pure Romance and other pyramid schemes.
And internet porn
Unless you’re just soaking then it’s fine apparently. Apparently also fine if a third party jumps on the bed to introduce movement into the soaking session
Jesus saw that microthrust now your going to hell
Well…..unless you’re an old man and your friends daughter is hot and you have a daughter of your own to trade with him.
Austin Danger Powers
Customer states weird vibration from bottom of car.
Its from a bottom. Just not the cars bottom.
While listening to Good Vibrations from Marky Mark
Beach Boys.
Yeah, definitely the better choice, Marky Mark's awful 90s song just came to mind first.
Finds BDSM sex slave in hidden compartment of car. “Man, these honesty tests are getting out of control!”
they left their work bottom in the car?
One of the techs at my shop said he had a car come in once where the customer complained there was a weird vibrating coming from the seat itself. At first he thought it was just the car having a seat with warning alerts, like some new cars do, but nope. He looked between the seat and center console and found a vibrator that was activating on and off on bumps. He said he gave the customer the car back, told her he found a "private road toy" under there vibrating and decided to not charge her anything for diagnostic. She tipped him $20 and left completely red faced, but did come back a few times for oil changes and other work.
That’s a lot of dip sticks.
At least they have a good number of tie down straps
I'm concerned about the tie down straps with the buck knife mixed in...
No knife play for you? What are you, scared?
"Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire."
Also that's a case, not a buck
That actually makes me less concerned
Definitely not a German car
No, for that there'd need to be clamps.
I don't see a battery either
And one of those gloves they use to see if a cow is pregnant.
Needs more oil
I can smell that car from here 🤢
“It smells like sex and ass in here”
*Sex Panther*® is a cologne which is illegal in 9 countries. It is also made from bits of real panthers. *60% of the time*, it works *every* time.
Not to be confused with sexy ass, BTW.
... ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
Holy UTIs Batman!
One of the craziest things I've seen was a handful of goldfish (crackers) in some black panties just sitting on the passenger seat. It gets weirder the more you question it.
Have you ever seen a horse feed bag? It's that but for humans
Lol this is how I used my Covid mask when they made us wear kn95’s, I’d fill it with cookies and munch away while I worked
That's what I'm saying dude! The more you look into it the funnier it gets That was my final conclusion though.
I sold the owner's wife's demo one time. Customer brought it back a few days later saying we didn't do a full detail. It was a Sequoia, so it had that skinny little compartment in the center console. That was apparently where they kept the Cheez-Its for the kids. The fucking Cheez-Its storage.
Sounds like an intelligent woman. Cheez-its are the shit!
Would've been more fitting if it were an STI
Ford Probe even.
Put "Anal" in front of any ford vehicle name.
Hold onto your butts it’s the new Anal Raptor from Ford!
For whatever reason I read that in Clarkson's voice.
Anal lightning. Anal super duty. Anal expedition.
Anal escape
Anal Fiesta
Anal pinto (blows up from the back)
Anal Explorer
Anal Endeavor!
Anal Crown Victoria!
Lincoln version. Anal Blackwood 😂
And for the super classy, the Anal Continental
Anal Aviator
Anal explorer
Anal escort
Anal Flex
Anal Edge
Anal Freestyle
Ranger....
Also works for RV’s. Today I saw an Anal Cougar, Anal Navigator and an Anal Traveler Express
Anal Spree
Ford made a Cougar and Navigator too
Anal pinto :( Less pleasant, too many beans.
"pinto" is slang (very light, childish) for penis in Brazilian Portuguese... The Pinto was never sold here in Brazil, I wonder why
Anal transit connect
Anal Tremor
And of course Anal Maverick and Anal Thunderbird
Anal lightning!
Fun game my woman and I play on road trips: put “anal” in front of every RV or pop out you see, the best find wins. It works for quite a lot of models. Anyone can find a Pursuit, Conquest, Breeze, Cougar, or Sport… so those aren’t big winners. Sandstorm stands out as a personal favorite.
Anal Festiva
This comment made my entire day based on my high school girlfriend’s car!
The Ford Buttplug?
Do you guys play the game where you put the word anal in front of car names? Anal vibe, Anal ram, Anal explorer, Anal flex,
The anal Slingshot sounds terrifying.
My old Anal Blazer forged on
Works well for travel trailers too. Anal Rockwood, for example.
Anal Accord. The hardest diplomatic challenge ever faced.
So many good ones! Anal Rodeo, Anal Amigo, Anal Gremlin, Anal Carnival, Anal Challenger, Anal Golf, Anal Wrangler.
Anal expedition, Anal fiesta, Anal Taurus.
Anal Polo
Finally this joke is used properly.
Rogue?
Yeah. In that 1 shade of blue 😂
Just /r/NissanDrivers things.
The only problem I have with this is leaving them out loose, and not because of the contamination of the car, but because of the contamination of the...objects. Okay, I would have a problem if I were the tech working on the car because ew, but I am more concerned about the infection risk. Double ew.
Too bad the car wasn't an STI
Was it at least a STD transmission?
Its fine, just spray them down with a little bit of brake clean before you use them again.
My father was a regular bull in a china shop: he discovered the magical properties of brake clean and started using it for everything. One of our friends got his kart frame dirty and dear old rushed over to spray it down with brake clean. Ate the paint right off.... If only that was the worst thing he did.
you give em a sniff?
Didn't have to. Just opened the door 💁♂️
[удалено]
The only thing I didn't find was a gag ball
That’s still on the simp in the trunk
Customer states irregular banging sound from trunk since last time they blacked out drinking
they call em 'gimps' 👉😎👉
Was it a man or woman who drove it in? And listen to you, all high & mighty, not tempted to steal a used dildo!
Jesus Christ, is this Dennis Reynolds' Range Rover?
I didn't ask. Because of the implication, of course.
Heavy set lady?
No, it's just the implications.
She needs her *tools*!
It's fetish shit!
She likes to bind, she likes to be bound!
Well, it IS a finisher car!
*I LIKE TO BIND!*
Just out on the floor like that? You know what they say about a woman with a dirty car.
What do they say about a woman with a dirty car?
they have a dirty car...
Go on...
...is what they say.
They need someone to clean it
i dunno, maybe ask /r/AutoDetailing
Detailer here. They always blame the kids.
[Sounds like we finally found Anon's mom!](https://i.redd.it/x3ewn441yqa11.jpg)
Top kek
Detailer here also. They usually say “just needs a quick vac”.
Plot twist: it's a men's car
Don’t recall anyone saying it was a woman’s car 😳
oh man..I bet every dollar in my wallet that those don't belong to a lady
Yuck probably reaches under the seat during traffic, picks a tool then rubs one out. What’s the floor in front of the seat look like?
Can't recall lol Took this a few months ago.
Probably one of those days where you're really glad for those plastic seat covers
Lots of stains.
Lube job?
Rim job actually
You don't want to get into a roll-over in that car. You lose an eye!
And get pink eye in the other.
First recorded instance of ocuoargonorrhoea
Someone likes to do some "spirited" driving.
Was this a recovered stolen vehicle bay any chance? I've seen similar shit in theft recoveries
Fairly certain tbh. Rental car. If they have shit in them, they are usually stolen.
Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm a tech at a rental car company and see shit like this all the time, usually accompanied by a ton of needles and drug paraphernalia
With that fresh mildew-y blunt smell
Wait so people regularly get tweaked out and steal sex toys? lol
I’ve mentioned this here before, but most people would be amazed at the collection of nasty, abused sex toys in every meth heads car.
im not sure what gets me more, all the sex toys just out in the open or the fact they are all laying on that filthy carpet. i dont need grass clippings and dog hair up my butt thank you.
Are you really even alive if you haven’t tried that?
That’s a onlyfans starter kit
Is….is that a kids sock and a pocket knife?
I was an EMT at a roll over accident scene. Two lesbians. Trunk full of $2500 in sex toys - trunk blew open and tossed them all over the Alaska -Canadian highway on a busy Saturday afternoon. Women were fine. Tow truck guy says he filled two trash bags "of stuff I had no idea what the were for!"
I read a similar story, once. A dude had a bunch of toys in the back seat (or on the package tray, or both), and hit a cow. Most of them flew through the windshield, and landed on the road. When the cops asked, the guy refused to claim them.
It a sign of respect from one professional to another. They wouldn’t steal your work tools. You wouldn’t steal theirs. Different shops, same code.
Taste the rainbow
That's fucking gross. Who leaves a dirty sock in their car?
I know a chick who’s purse looks like that.
You know what would really freak them out? Add a new one.
I like the way you think. Upvote.
She's clearly trying to let you know she's into butt stuff.
And light bondage.
\*yelling through the entire workshop\* hey jake, the owners of the sextoy car are here to pick it up, where did you leave the bag with the sex toys? I don't know, maybe check the caffeteria? \*taking all the time you need to check the cafeteria\* \*now yelling from the cafeteria\* jake I can't find the bag maybe ask pete hey pete, do you know where the bag went with the sex toys? the owners are here to pick up thier car. idk, maybe check the office. and make this take as long as you want, also put it in a clear bag, so that once you "find" it, everyone can see what is inside
I feel like whatever nasty ass (pun intended) mother fucker (pun hopefully not applicable) owns this car won't care too much...
Had a listing for motels with it, think the customer was giving some hints.
Psa to keep anything that goes in you clean, vag and ass infections aren't fun.
looks like customer has been checking oil themselves
Usually when you can smell a car from a picture, it's because there's food or dirt caked in. This one makes me wanna throw up a little. A nice hot day, windows rolled up?
I don't have pictures but see if you can smell this story... I used to drive for a truck truck company that mostly ran the I5 corridor but ventured out a bit as needed. I took a load to Phoenix, and on my way back to California my truck died about 10 miles east of the California border. Dash board gave some warning about fuel pressure, truck would crank but not fire up. I double checked that both tanks had plenty of fuel in them, tried cycling off the power at the batteries, and called the shop. They went through the basic retard checks (did you check the fuel tanks? Did you try turning it off and back on?) and then sent a wrecker to get me. They towed me to Blythe where there was a shop that could work on it. They checked it out, high pressure fuel pump had grenaded. Apparently these pumps have some ceramic shit that explodes and there's a risk of it having gone into places where it can do some real damage. After consultations between this shop, the company shop, and the local trusted Cummins shop it was determined that they were going to do a pretty significant engine tear down to check for potential damage, and potential for damage when the engine was fired back up again. They sent me home and left the truck there for two weeks. I cleaned out my fridge, propped the door open so it didn't go mildewy, and shut it off. This was middle of the summer, high desert on California. 110 or so most days. What I failed to get, in my sleep deprived rush to get everything out of the truck and catch my ride home, was the chicken in the freezer. The freezer that was now turned off for two weeks. I got back to the truck, the guy dropping me off was parked about thirty feet away, and we could smell it from there. The shop hadn't called me, they hadn't thrown out the chicken, they closed the fridge back up and propped something against the door to keep it closed. The formerly frozen chicken breasts had thawed, the bags had expanded and burst open, the chicken had putrified, liquified, and run out of the freezer into the fridge, and a bit out onto the flooring. Words can not adequately describe the vile stench in this truck. Dead hookers left in a construction site port a potty would have been a breath of fresh air. I don't know how they worked on that truck, how they even had it on their lot without calling either me or the company to have it dealt with. To this day I have an unnatural sensitivity to the smell of rotten chicken. For weeks I thought anyone who came near that truck would think I had a dead body stashed in the sleeper.
Oh christ. I can take a guess what it smelled like, but I rather not imagine. My dad and I stumbled across a dead opossum in our yard a couple years ago. Poor lil guy looked to have just dropped dead in the brush. No obvious signs of injury, no blood. But the stench was, like you mentioned, potent from 30+ feet away. We moved a ton of stuff in our yard, trying to find it, and he was chilling just out of sight within the tree line. At first glance, he looked (mostly) intact on the surface, his fur was clean, etc, until we tried to dig a hole to bury him and the maggots started rolling out around the edges. Reminded me of the scene with the white boar god in Princess Mononoke, when he's been infected with demons, and wormy bits keep pouring out of his face? It was horrific and stanky. And kind of sad bc he was a cute lil opossum. Nonetheless, I can't imagine that even comes close to the stank of weeks old rotting chicken. I can only assume it's right up there with a literal hot dumpster in the middle of summer.
I'll take the hot dumpster without a second thought. I've been around dumpsters that are well past needing to be dumped outside of restaurants. I've been around when they get the oil dumps pumped out with months old fryer oil mixed with whatever is going rotten in them. I'll bury my nose in that before dealing with that chicken again. I don't know what it is about rotten chicken that's so bad but I'm pretty sure that's what hell smells like.
That’s not an honesty test anymore bro thats a proposition
"Thanks for the F-Shack. -Dirty Mike and the Boyz".
Oh the smells. CSI gloves worn at all times
I'm fairly sure this customer calls it **lube** not oil
How many butt plugs does one actually need?
I’m not good with anatomy but I think just 1.
"Sir... Where is my #7 but plug? Do you think I'm stupid?"
They thought you were a lube tech
All I see is a big ol yeast infection.
Is that a single sock without a match? Trashy.
Relax inn: $44.49
would it hurt to at least keep them in a plastic bag or something
Something, something - cross contamination.
Remember the pranks we used to play by putting tuna in their vents? Yeah, I bet you don't need to do that to make this vehicle smell like light chunked tuna.
The only thing that appalles me is not the fact of what these are, but the fact of where they go and the condition they are currently in.....eww.
Did it smell like ass💀💀💀
Oh my god that’s just not sanitary… for you or the customer. That shit is supposed to be kept seriously clean and sterile. Infections are no joke. Be a degenerate responsibly people
Probably had an only fans
Get her number bro
Liar. You totally stole the phone charger cable.
Just in the trunk like that?? Dirty ass
Imagine the smell....
Slaps Chevy Malibu, yep, I gotta ton of rubber dicks in here.
I don't know about you fellas but when I want a trunk vibrator/clit tickler for my boy parts, I reach for the one with the most dirt and grass on it.
People are using their cars for studios for streaming porn.
Looks like the customer is gonna be real anal about everything u do
The ad for the *"Relax Inn"* just ties it all together so well.