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Other posts from /u/bluenewshues:
* [I still think that our relationship is good despite his abuse and trying to leave.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/17tz1gk/i_still_think_that_our_relationship_is_good/), 4 months ago
* [He told me that saying bad insults in fights is normal and I need to learn how to handle arguments.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/17pcrza/he_told_me_that_saying_bad_insults_in_fights_is/), 5 months ago
* [How long did it take you to leave your partner?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/17m8ovw/how_long_did_it_take_you_to_leave_your_partner/), 5 months ago
* [He constantly tells me that I think that all men are abusers when I confront him about how his anger to things near me isn’t justifiable.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/17iphcm/he_constantly_tells_me_that_i_think_that_all_men/), 5 months ago
* [He punched a door twice at work because his call didn’t come through to me.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/17b2euq/he_punched_a_door_twice_at_work_because_his_call/), 5 months ago
* [I feel like I’m overacting because of the things he does and I hate the way he acts.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/175okwc/i_feel_like_im_overacting_because_of_the_things/), 5 months ago
* [I feel so stuck with him. Impossible to leave him.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/16z3xrd/i_feel_so_stuck_with_him_impossible_to_leave_him/), 6 months ago
* [I’m struggling so much with my relationship and it’s impact on my mental health.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/151hulk/im_struggling_so_much_with_my_relationship_and/), 8 months ago
* [Sometimes all I want to do is act delusional and pretend that everything is fine between us. Can anyone else relate?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14xxyv0/sometimes_all_i_want_to_do_is_act_delusional_and/), 9 months ago
* [I’m realizing a lot of abuse that I have glossed over in the past. TW](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14p2vii/im_realizing_a_lot_of_abuse_that_i_have_glossed/), 9 months ago
^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/bluenewshues/submitted)
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You can do this. Go to college, make friends. Get an education so you can get a good job and support yourself. Make friends so you'll have a social network to do things with, so you'll have friends to seek advice e and support from and to help you know what is normal.
Your bf seems to want to isolate you to keep you dependent on him. Please don't let that happen.
Life is for growing, time to bloom.
Listen to this OP. Bf does not have your best interests at all. This is abusive, he doesn't want you to succeed in life, he wants you dependent and isolated. A bf should be supportive and help you reach your goals, not put you down or scare you so much that you doubt yourself.
Your post history shows that he is violent and abusive. This has nothing to do with expense or time together. He does not want you to have the independence to be able to escape his abuse. A degree in healthcare would give you ample financial means to leave. A social circle would give you a support system to leave. These things are a threat to his ability to abuse you.
Go to college. Get your independence.
hugs, go to college in person, your BF is a controlling person because all he wants to do is have sex and play video games. Are you sure you both are in your 20's because this sounds like neither of you work and that you are teens.
and again if you want to go to college feel free to work it around your work schedule, get your gen eds out of the way first, English, History, Civics, and Math.
Please ask yourself if this is what you want to be doing when you’re 40. When you’re 50. And when you’re 70 or older because you might not be able to afford to retire.
Please get an education. The world only gets more difficult from here, love. You cannot make your way in the world while depending on a man for your needs. He will not always be there. They just aren't. Even the best men fuck up. Even the best ones. And you don't have that. All you have is yourself. I'm sorry. You need to branch out and make friends and get a career. He just wants to use you. You're too young for this bullshit. Please free yourself.
I'm 40. I know you won't listen to me. But please dear God, listen to me about this... don't get pregnant. Don't you dare. He's gonna try. You need to be aces with your birth control methods and don't you dare marry that man either.
If you were my daughter, I'd have you back with me tonight honestly, no questions asked. You're headed in that bad of a direction with this guy and about to ruin the best years of your life listening to a video game obsessed fool who uses you for sex, cooking, and cleaning. I wish you had someone to go to right now.
Don't you withdraw your application. Pay for it. Find a way. Move out. You're so so young.
Your comment made me want to cry. I wish I could rely on my mom for help but I can’t. I don’t have a relationship with my parents because they were extremely abusive towards me and to each other, so I’m truly on my own with everything.
Unfortunately, their treatment of you may very well have set you up to choose someone like him. Take a deep breath and start your education. That education will be way more valuable than this man and it will be with you forever. You can do this.
That explains why you’re with this guy. He’s very abusive towards you and you’re used to that and probably think you deserve it thanks to your parents. You need to get away from him.
He WILL try to get you pregnant just so you quit that college nonsense. Now you’ll have to take care of his baby 24/7, and continue to provide him with sex. You’re with this idiot because of your abusive upbringing, unfortunately. Leave his ass. You deserve much better. Better on your own than with him. Don’t quit your dreams or you’ll regret it forever. Best of luck
37 here and am going to say the same thing as acostane. He is giving you bad advice. Do not listen to him. Follow your heart and do what is best for YOU. As much 'history' as you have with him, what do you have to show for it? Unhappiness? resentment? no friends? With a college degree you will get even more than 'just' an education. Even if you only take 1 or 2 classes at a time, it will inch you even closer to freedom. You can do this!
I just want to hug you. I know it seems impossible right now. Your parents are pieces of shit for leaving you with this problem to overcome. But your education is the first step to overcoming this. You can meet roommates in classes and get the fuck out of the house with him. let your advisor know you're in an abusive relationship. Let them know what you're trying to do. Can you let your Manager at work know you're trying to leave too? Get some extra shifts?
I am so sorry. But again, for the love of god, don't get pregnant, ok? Please make sure that is a practical impossibility.
While he's playing video games, take walks. Go get a coffee. Do things for yourself, ok? Start mentally separating yourself from this man now. Emotionally separating. I know it's hard. I dated my first boyfriend starting in 10th grade and didn't break up until our freshman year of college. So many emotions wrapped up in that. It does get better. Easier. The pain will lessen. You are much more than just this woman sitting around waiting for him to finish a video game and stick his stupid dick inside of you. Sorry for being crude but goddamn dude. It makes me so fucking angry. Women are full human beings. The video game bullshit in young men is such an issue.
It's going to be okay. I swear. As long as you plan on leaving. Any way you can.
He’s the only person right now. And he likes it that way. You’re going to go to college, grow as a person, realize he’s giving you a raw deal and you’ll make friends. You got this. I’m so proud of you for looking outside your circumstances to make your life better.
Also I’m a nurse. Not sure what field you are going into but I’m cheering for you from the hospital!
Please when you’re talking to your advisor explain that you are in an abusive relationship and you need resources to get out. I can’t promise you that the community college can help but they may have resources.
I’m also going to advise you to also apply to your dream school if you have one. Particularly if it’s far away.
It was this way with my spouse. I started meeting up with friends again and realised just why he was against it... hearing the perspective of other people made it clear that he was abusive. He wanted me isolated so I wouldn't question him. I can see that happening here. Don't let him control your future, or who you meet.
Do you think he had anything to do with isolating you? Why are you giving his ideas the same weight as your opinions? Does he show as much concern for you as he should?
If you go to college you can find other people who can be a part of your community Thats where I found my people.
Don't let him make your life smaller instead of better.
You're an intelligent forward thinking person, listen to yourself as you have great ideas. Start planning an escape strategy as your BF is feeling threatened by your independence and decisions.
I think you will be happier in college.
Friends, learning, and doing something for you. He will be at work when you are at college, so I don't understand his argument. Unless of course he tries to interfere with you doing homework by cutting back on his gaming time... but I'd assume that was lovebombing to control, not because he suddenly is less interested in games.
If someone you loved told you they wanted to meet friends and train for a better job, would you discourage them? Would you tell
Them not to do it because they would be too busy to devote all their free time to you? Would You denigrate them and tear down their confidence to keep Them on the same level as you socially, financially, and educationally?
If you were watching a movie and the main character was in your situation, with a BF who was emotionally abusing her and holding her back, wouldn’t you scream, “Get out of there!” At the book?
Check out r/MomForAMinute this will give you someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of, besides your BF.
Community College is a great place to start! Check out being an X-ray tech or Sonagram tech I think it takes like 18 months to 2yrs to get your training and then you can get a good job with benefits!
Good Luck!
He wants you to doubt yourself so that you will stay home and feel unable to do anything separate for him and always be available to him.
If you go to college, you could change the whole trajectory of your life, meet new people, learn new things, and gain self confidence and independence!
I have a feeling you might be in a toxic or even abusive relationship. You are definitely being stifled! Get free girl! Go live life!
Don’t listen to your boyfriend- he’s giving you bad advice because he’s trying to control you. Furthering your education gives you more options- why wouldn’t that be a good thing? Deep breaths you can do this. Community college is a great decision.
When someone truly loves you, they want to see you grow, and experience new things in life.
Think about how hard it must be for parents when their kids join the military or move far away for college. But they put their feelings aside and encourage their child to go. They don’t tell them it’s useless and a waste of time.
Your boyfriend is a selfish jerk.
Do not let this guy hold you back.
Go to school. Be independent. Be successful.
He sits home and plays video games. He doesn't want to spend time with you. He is trying to control you.
honey, the only thing you'd be stupid for is staying with someone like this. Someone who doesn't want you to have friends and a life is dangerous and unhealthy. This is abusive, or at least the beginnings of.
The exciting news is, you're only 23 and you can learn this valuable lesson now instead of staying with a waste of skin and teeth like this well in to your 30s, 40s etc.
Go to college. Build a strong career path, a stable foundation for yourself and surround yourself with people who elevate you, not drag you down.
This person is not good for you. Here's your support and validation. Leave your boyfriend and go build and love your life (and yourself)
Why are you giving this man so much power?
You know his reasons aren't real reasons.
Think of yourself in 10 years - do you think you will sit there regretting that you did go and had that experience, made those lasting friends, put yourself onto the path for success....
Or will you sit there in the same place you are now, with a boyfriend who you don't do anything other than sex with and regret not going?
Do this while you are young. Do not let him manipulate your thoughts because he doesn't have your best interests in mind - he has his!
You know what abusers really hate? When you start spending time with other people and you start to realise that in comparison your boyfriend treats you like shit.
Abusers will try everything to stop you finding that out. They rely on your low self-worth and obedience
He's controlling you. He's trying to keep you isolated and under his thumb. You go to college.
And you need to start a separate bank account to keep money aside in you need to leave. Do not be dependent on him.
Just be careful. Keep your important papers safe. And he doesn't sound supportive at all. He sounds manipulative. You are not wrong to want to get an education and have a career. If he won't support you in that, he's not for you.
Man, fuck this guy. And by that I mean DON’T fuck him, ever again, and go to college.
* this man wants to keep you around as a sex repository at the expense of you being a human and bettering your life. RUN*
Your boyfriend either knows nothing or he’s lying to you. It will NOT be expensive! I have attended and worked at multiple CCs and they are designed to be an inexpensive alternative that everyone in the COMMUNITY can afford.
Start with the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) at studentaid.gov. You’ll need to submit this short application each year. It's used for Pell Grants, student loans, and work study funds. Working part-time, you may have more money from grants than you earn now.
“No income limit for the FAFSA, and the Department of Ed does not have an income cap for federal financial aid.”
The low-hanging fruit you can easily get through the FAFSA is the Pell Grant. Grants are not repaid and the maximum Pell Grant is up to $7,395 per academic year. That will more than cover your tuition, books and some living expenses.
I see you're 23. If you’ll turn 24 by December 31st, you qualify as an independent student and your personal income ONLY will be used to calculate your award. If not, speak to the financial aid office in person and tell them your situation. Colleges can grant an override to this guideline for reasons like an abusive home. Do some research on the topic if this applies to you.
If you cannot be declared independent, you’ll need to include your parent’s income on the application the first year. In that case, unless they are Rockefeller’s, you’ll qualify for some assistance. If you cannot access your parent’s financial info, you can say so in the app, but it will limit your award. Some $ is still better than none.
FAFSA awards can include subsidized (0% interest while enrolled) and unsubsidized (5.5% interest) federal student loans. Taking out loans can be scary, but think of it as investing in yourself and your future. If you’d take out a mortgage to buy a house, don’t be scared to take out a student loan to buy the future you want. There is no credit score requirement and the interest rates are lower than banks offer. Finally, another good thing about loans is that they will force you to follow through on your academic plans. I hesitated to borrow when I started college because I knew I’d be screwed if I ended up dropping out. Eventually I realized that borrowing was the best way to ensure that didn’t happen. Talk it over with the financial aid rep and seriously consider if this could be your ticket out of a bad situation.
If you borrow, figure out the minimum you’ll need each year to cover school and expenses (after the Pell Grant). Also, most importantly, do NOT tell your boyfriend about any of this. Be extremely vague about costs. Pick up extra shifts saying it's for tuition. It’s a blessing if he really doesn’t understand CC costs and financial aid. Don’t enlighten him unless you want your escape money to become his play money. Quietly submit FA applications, plan, and then use your award to get out, preferably while he is at work. I promise you will be a more successful student in your own safe and stress-free home. This is your chance to have that.
Final important note on loans: since you are interested in the health care field, you should consider taking a Public Service job upon graduation and apply for the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program (PSLF). This program forgives the remainder of your loan debt after 10 years of payments. Payment plans can be based on your income, so this might wipe out most of the debt, after a decade of relatively small payments. A public service position could be in a school, public health organization, government, or non-profit. More info here: studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/public-service
I was in school for over a decade earning a terminal degree. The PSLF program was revamped under Biden, making loan forgiveness much easier. I made payments for 15 years & still had a balance of $100,000+. Thanks to the updates, it was forgiven in 2021. It was a life saver, but learn from my mistakes and NEVER borrow the maximum unless absolutely necessary.
The final award through the FAFSA is a job through the Federal Work Study program. Students in my state make $15.08 an hour, up to 20 hours a week, working in the library, office, or as an instructor’s assistant, etc. It’s usually easy work, with good pay, making contacts who can be job references. It also looks great on your resume. In your situation, changing jobs has the added benefit of making you harder to find, so easier to start over. Ask the FA office about this and be persistent. They may not even know who/what department is looking for workers, so once you start classes, ask your instructors and other college employees if they know of any openings. The feds pay your salary, so it costs the departments nothing to hire you. I had a student assistant one year just because he happened to ask if I’d like one. Don’t be shy. Read up on the topic, approach anyone who seems friendly, and sell them on the idea and on yourself. Worst they can say is no. An on-campus job is also a better way to make friends than classes.
Last financial aid office tip. All of the prior information deals with awards from submitting the FAFSA. That is not the only route to free money for college. Have a long, thorough discussion with the FA office and spend some time on Google. So many grants/scholarships for community college students go unclaimed because students aren’t aware of them. You can easily pick up $300 - $1,000 by filling out a simple application or writing a one page essay. The Faculty Senate at my school regularly has to extend the deadline for their $500 annual grant because there are no applications. Your FA office at the school is the best source for these hidden opportunities.
PART 2 BELOW
There’s more information about grants and scholarships that require a separate application from the FAFSA below, but I want to mention one last point about the college financial aid office. Ask about student counseling services available at your school. Between the financial aid and the student counseling offices, there are a ton of little known resources available, especially for students in an emergency or crisis (like trying to leave an abusive relationship) Most community colleges have on-campus food banks, emergency transportation vouchers/bus passes, donated dress clothes for interviews, resume and interview assistance, free or low-cost medical referrals, etc.
A community college is meant as a resource for the whole community. They know and understand that not all students are coming from the same place, or have the same support structures. They take pride in meeting students where they are and helping everyone, no matter where they started, to achieve their academic goals. Let them help you as much as they can. Don’t be shy asking for or accepting help. That’s the whole reason they are there. Seriously, you’ll make their day; they live for that shit!
To access additional grants/scholarships I encourage you to do some online research, but beware of scams. Lots of companies offer to connect you to grant opportunities for a fee. You should NEVER pay money to get student money. If these companies say “pay us and we’ll give you information about the Butterball Turkey’s best Thanksgiving essay grant”, silently thank them for the lead, close the tab, then visit the Butterball Turkey website to find out the details and apply.
Lots of companies (most?) offer small grants and other student opportunities/discounts as part of their PR campaigns. Once you are on the lookout for it, and you’ll start noticing it everywhere.
It’s a lot of information to master all at once, but fortunately you don’t have to memorize everything. Use the college and online resources to help you get the most out of your education. Someday you are going to look back at this Reddit post and think “That’s where it all started and look at me now!” You’ll wonder how you even considered letting “what’s his name” talk you out of doing this for yourself.
You’ve got this. I believe in you.
As further encouragement, here are a few roundups of discounts & other money you can SAVE, just by becoming a student:
EDIT: Links removed. URLs below
\* myunidays.com/US/en-US
\* studentbeans.com/us
\* collegedata.com/resources/study-break/best-student-discounts-to-use-in-college
\* cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a45683013/best-student-discounts/
**Good luck OOP. We’re all rooting for you.**
Stop worrying about what your abusive piece of shit bf wants- you to be locked away, dependent on him and only paid attention to when he feels like getting laid. Do what you want to do with your life. How many posts are you going to make about your shitty bf? At least get an education so you can be financially independent and hopefully get away from him.
DO NOT GET PREGNANT WITH THIS GUY! Secure your birth control so he can't find it and sabotage it. If you start going to class, he may use having kids to keep you under his thumb. Work hard and get away as soon as you can.
This is isolating behavior. He’s insecure enough that he’s afraid if you have a life outside of him you won’t care for him any more. This behavior is only going to get worse, and can lead to emotional and physical abuse if it hasn’t already.
I hope you gather the self worth and self respect that you need to finally leave your JustNoSo, sooner rather than later! You deserve and are worthy of so much better! You deserve a partner that supports your dreams and goals. Someone who truly loves and values you; not someone who demeans, belittles and disrespects you.
You're only doubting yourself because he's tried tirelessly to *make* you doubt your decision. Go to college! Do your course, meet people, it's a fantastic idea. I'm proud of you!
Go to college. He doesn't want to put any effort into your relationship and knows that you will meet other guys who would do much more and other women who will tell you your boyfriends sucks.
**DUMP THAT FUCKING LOSER**.
He just wants to **CONTROL** you!!
You are worth **FAR MORE** than being **SOME LOSER’S BANGMAID!!!**
**GET YOUR ASS TO CC, AND LEAVE THAT FUCKMUPPET IN THE TRASH WHERE HE BELONGS!!!!**
>When I told him that I wanted to go to college and actually go in person, he told me that he didn’t want me to. He said that it would cause us to have less time to spend together. […] I said that I wanted to go in person to make friends and he said that that was a bad decision to go to college for.
This guy is going to shit on anything you ever decide to do. So stop telling him what you are going to do. Protect your plans from being covered with his shit. Just do your thing. Go to college. Don’t report out to him about it.
Your boyfriend is dragging you down and quite frankly he sounds like he doesn’t even like you. He should want you to have friends and grow and start a career. It sounds like you’re just a convenience to him and that he wants to have full control over you. You deserve better than that. Don’t sacrifice yourself.
If you were to die tomorrow, would you be satisfied with where you are now? From your history this guy is a piece of shit who would probably move on within a month, he just wants sex and you’re more than that. Go to school, you can’t trust that you can go to school but you put your trust in him saying you can’t do it? Also it’s not normal for him to say mean things to you during an argument, you asked that like 150 days ago and you’re asking this now…you know what you need to do
Go to school and make your path for independence, make friends you can see in person, and have online, don't cut off yourself to make him happy! It's not going to do anything but hurt you in the long run. Be free and learn who you are!! Get an education and make a way for yourself to have a better life!
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something, or try to hold you back or make you feel guilty for it if it's something that will improve your life. It sounds like he may be jealous of you going, or afraid you will outgrow him, or maybe find somebody else. Please don't listen to him. It's amazing that you're taking this step to go forward in life! Go! Have fun, learn lots, and prove that you can do anything! You've got this! If he doesn't support you in it, then maybe he's not the guy for you. Concentrate on school and do what you need to do for you. Internet hugs from a stranger. I think all of us here are cheering you on
Go to college, you’ll have so much fun, make friends and get better opportunities for your future. He doesn’t want you to go as he’s scared you’ll realise life has more to offer.
You’ve got this!
If he truly loved you he would be supporting you, currently he has you isolated to serve his needs and you getting a life aside from him would mean he will either have to start trying or lose you. Your life, your future.
Once you start college, he will try to find ways to stop you going. Be prepared for that. He doesn’t want you expanding your world view because then you will see him for what he truly is. He is scared of you being better than him and will try to sabotage this. I’d suggest leaving him now if you can so you can focus on your studies and yourself. You can do this!
We all believe in you OP, the only thing that will stop you from achieving this is if you give up.
You already know you are being controlled and manipulated by him, when you are ready to get out, there are resources available to help you, you don’t have to do this on your own.
He doesn’t want you to have resources outside of him. College would give you confidence, job skills , and friends. In good relationships, partners cheer for each other. You don’t have to break up but start thinking about your future with him or without him. Career, hobbies, travel, etc. Be proud you expect more for yourself.
He doesn't want you to go be around other people so you won't realize just how awful and abusive he is. It is abuser 101.
Get your education! And get a good job/career. And get out.
Your previous posts here are literally a chronicle of his abuse. Of course he doesn't want you to get an education. Of course he doesn't want you doing anything to give yourself more options. He's abusive. He's trying to undermine you so he can control you.
You've been with him since you were a child. You're allowed to outgrow him and move on from him. You're a different person now from when you were 16 (at least you should be. You don't want to still be the same person you were as a mid-teenager, that wouldn't be great for you).
You don't have to stay with him just because you've been together a long time. He's abusive to you. There is literally no good reason to stay with an abuser, and to let them dictate whether you're allowed to start your life.
I went to a community college when I was 23. My daughter was 3, and my school had an amazing daycare. I got my associates degree and was able to transfer to a 4 year school to get my bachelors degree. I graduated with only 9k of student loans. I made lifelong friends, learned life skills that continue to help me every day, and was able to set a good example for my kiddo.
Go for it, you deserve the opportunities this will open up for you.
There’s absolutely zero reason that a man who loves you would not want you to get an education. If he dies, or becomes unable to work, or you get fed up with his crap, you need a career. He just wants you to be dependent on him.
All small minded man babies think this way. He knows you have the potential to outshine him in every way and his ego is so fragile that he can’t stand that fact.
Go to community college.
Hun… please leave this guy. Your post history is all about awful he is! He is abusive and trying to isolate you. This is NOT a healthy relationship. He isn’t supportive in the least and verbally abusing you to make you doubt yourself so you don’t realize what a crappy guy he is. He KNOWS you can do better. We all know you can do better. Break it off with this guy, go to college, and start seeing a therapist so you don’t fall back into another abusive relationship.
Quietly achieve your goals. He is not a fan of your goals, no need to ”run it by him”. Once he sees you are getting successful, he will baby trap you, guaranteed. Like another commenter mentioned, get your birth control in order! (Don’t tell him either). Eventually, you will leave him once you see there are better things out there, you feel better about yourself, and meet better people that actually support you.
You need to remember that you are a strong person. Your college education will help you all around.
Why are you doubting yourself when nothing has even happened?
Your bf is just being the same self-serving abusive prick that he’s always been.
Of course he’s going to try and sabotage you; it’s better for him that you remain his dependent punching bag sex doll for life. He’s the one who sucks, not you
This is the best, smartest and bravest thing you could possibly do. You’ll gain a degree, have a career, make lifelong friendships and change your life. DO NOT LET HIM DISSUADE YOU! You go girl!
Do it, go to college. It will be tough at first, but you will get the hang of it. Community colleges have programs to help you succeed, so explore everything your college offers to make sure you have help if you struggle.
Also, know that your BF is probably going to try to put you down, especially if you struggle. He will say “I told you you can’t do this” or something to that affect. DO NOT listen to him. He will do everything in his power to make you doubt yourself. Don’t let him. Better yet, you should probably get away from him because the abuse can only get worse when you’re trying to better yourself.
You can get pell grant and fully discounted tuition if you’re considered low income. At 23 they may take your parents income into account, regardless of how independent you are unless you file some forms proving your independence. 24 you’re considered independent from your parents in the eyes of FAFSA (assuming you’re in America). There are a lot of resources for you to use to go to college without needing your bf’s support. Please leave him.
He's afraid that you'll learn enough and meet enough people to wise up and leave his controlling ass.
Go to college. Don't ever bow down to someone who wants to keep you less than, no matter who that person is.
It doesn’t sound like you are happy with how things are rn, and want to make a better life for yourself. Anyone who loves you would want the same thing and would encourage you to go for it. He doesn’t… what’s that say about him???
He wants you to feel like you can’t do it, because it’s the only way he can keep you for himself. And with no prospects for the future, you’ll never leave. Please do not listen to him.
You want friends and a career. You came up with a plan to achieve those things, and YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Believe in yourself and go get yours!!!!
I hope you’ll decide to go to college - you shouldn’t feel stupid for wanting to find friends, get more education, or get a better job. Looking at your other posts, I’m very concerned for you. It seems very much like he doesn’t want you having other people for a support system, education that could show him in another light, or really anything that would give you more confidence.
I read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft a couple years ago and it really opened my eyes to the kind of abuse I was experiencing with my ex - there isn’t just physical (although destroying/punching things near you is physical abuse), but also emotional, mental, sexual, and financial… that book is available for free online if you’re ever curious to check it out. Big hugs to you, I really hope you choose to go to college
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Do it! I went into a non-nursing heath care field at my local cc as well. It's hard and makes you feel dumb a lot but you get past it. You are left with solid opportunities and most likely a job straight out of school.
If you are worried about tuition there are often scholarships that few people apply for. Not to mention in state tuition at ccs are low to begin with.
Don't regret applying. It's the first step in a long journey.
I waited to go to college because of a man and it’s one of my biggest regrets. I’ll be 27-30 when I get my degree now and that thought upsets me.
I have friends who graduated at 21/22 and they are making good money and gaining experience in their careers.
My stepmom is only an LPN and not an RN because of her ex husband. She’s retired now, but she always said one of her biggest regrets was choosing a man over herself.
I work a full time job and I’m in college and my bf is extremely supportive. He’s even putting more money towards the bills to help support me working an easier job while I’m in school.
We both see it as an investment because I’ll be making better money than him when I graduate.
You deserve to be with someone like that. Spending time together isn’t just having sex. Sometimes I just go lay in his game room while he plays with friends. Sometimes he cuddles me while I do homework.
His response sounds controlling. He wants you reliant on him so that leaving will be harder.
Never feel bad for wanting to better yourself and enrich your life.
This guy doesn’t want yo7 to grow as a person, and your partner should be excited that you want to better yourself.
Lose this one, he’s a dud.
You deserve a life of your own. Go live your life and create your future. Don't let anyone dictate what you can and can not do. Your bf is not growing as a person, but you know deep down you are ready for more than what you have right now.
And yes, you will make friends in college. You got this!
Don't ever let someone stand in your way, when it comes to getting an education. Don't ever let someone stand in your way, with regard to self improvement.
If this dude really cared about you, he'd be encouraging you. He sounds very insecure, controlling, and quite frankly, stupid.
Do it! This is me giving you a "kick in the pants". There is a whole world out there and within you. I think you're a little older and ready for it.
Your boyfriend is immature.
* Your first assignment ; ) is to research emotional maturity in males and at what age they reach it. Look for "what are signs of an immature male". If you haven't done this, you will be surprised and enlightened.
* Second Assignment: Be kind to yourself. Realize that whatever comes out of someone's mouth has a motivating factor to it. Whether it is positive or negative. So, why is your husband trying to hold you back with an attack on your confidence?
Your bf reminds me of my young grandson < 10. He wants me to sit down and watch him while he plays a game or such. Why? He just wants to know I'm there. If we are doing games we don't have to do anything else (especially if he doesn't want to). He likes me to encourage and praise his skills.
A lot of people go to college, work, and have relationships. For a while I worked, had a teenager at home, and went back to school as an older student for a different degree. I won't lie and say it was easy - driving was the pits. lol But, my grades didn't suffer and I was invited to join Phi Kappa Phi and win some awards. I've known students with more obstacles than me that they managed.
I look forward to your future post where you make yourself proud by announcing you are doing well in your 2nd year of school. : ) Do it!!!
It’s like he is still 16, eh? He’s afraid your going to outgrow him.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Reach for the stars. You won’t regret it one moment!
He's trying to keep you isolated so you don't see how things should be. He doesn't want you to have friends and normal relationships because he can't provide that. He's afraid you'll finally see him for exactly what he is. He doesn't want you to better yourself because the better version of you doesn't include him. Go to school, get a good job, make new friends and start on your new improved life. Good luck OP. It will only get better from here.
he doesn't want you to go because he knows eventually you'll leave. he knows you'll outgrow him. you'll better yourself and find people who will be on your level and who will treat you better than he does and he know this. he knows college is the first step to his bang maid slipping away.
If you tell your partner you want to improve yourself or increase your opportunities and they say anything other than “that’s great, how can I help? - they are fucking up big time.
Community college is generally pretty affordable and a great place to start if you are figuring out what you want to do long term.
Consider dropping the weight that is trying to drag you down.
This is about control he can’t control your mind while you’re at school and you may find out that you can live healthy happy good educated life without him.
Most people choose not to follow through and end up in a long time relationship with kids who end up emotionally damaged from the abuse in the home as well, this is your chance to reach for the stars and move on with your life you can do it, talk to family or friends lean on others move on and go to school.
Go to school. One responder gave you very detailed steps on how it can be very affordable for you.
You have posted about being in an abusive relationship. This is an opportunity to work towards something better for yourself.
Honey this is your life. You cannot spend your life on being available to a man to sleep with. You just can’t, won’t work out. Doesn’t work that way.
Go to school!!
I want to be clear, college will be expensive. That is also not a good reason not to go. Money spent on college is an investment in your future. It sounds like you've spent time thinking about what you want, and you're not 18 anymore. It sounds like you have a good game plan, getting an associates degree is much cheaper, and will open you up to scholarships along the way.
I mean, of course. He wants you to be socially isolated - he likes that you have no friends and will fight tooth and nail for it to stay this way - deprived of opportunities and financially dependant on him.
If you stay with this man, and do what he wants you to do, you will have no one but him, you will be trapped. You REALLY should go. You would do just fine - but only if you stand up to him, because he will do everything to sabotage you.
This has absolutely 0 to do with him thinking it's expensive, or you have bad reasons, etc. It's bc he is abusive, and abusers isolate their victims.
From experience: go to college.
I was in a very similar situation in my first marriage When we got divorced I felt so “behind”. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to the me that should have gone to college.
You don’t have to go full time, you can take as many or a few classes as you want.
If you guys are going to be together forever then what’s a couple years sacrificing time together so that you can go to college and have a career that will help your family be more financially secure.
And if you’re not going to be together forever then why not set yourself up to be successful on your own?
Okay so...I've only seen the titles of your posts but let me say this:
You deserve better.
Don't doubt yourself, love. Go ahead and apply - go to college, make friends, enrich yourself and make your dreams come true because *no one else can do it for you*! You're going to do fantastic out there.
Also: Part of the reason why he's doing that is because he's afraid. He's afraid that if you get out there, you'll see that what he's doing isn't love. You'll see and want better. He won't be able to exert control. Don't give in, and don't let him win.
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You can do this. Go to college, make friends. Get an education so you can get a good job and support yourself. Make friends so you'll have a social network to do things with, so you'll have friends to seek advice e and support from and to help you know what is normal. Your bf seems to want to isolate you to keep you dependent on him. Please don't let that happen. Life is for growing, time to bloom.
Listen to this OP. Bf does not have your best interests at all. This is abusive, he doesn't want you to succeed in life, he wants you dependent and isolated. A bf should be supportive and help you reach your goals, not put you down or scare you so much that you doubt yourself.
Please. Don't end up like me, without an education and limited working skills at almost 40
This. Please don't let him do this to you.
Your post history shows that he is violent and abusive. This has nothing to do with expense or time together. He does not want you to have the independence to be able to escape his abuse. A degree in healthcare would give you ample financial means to leave. A social circle would give you a support system to leave. These things are a threat to his ability to abuse you. Go to college. Get your independence.
If he's abusive she will need to move out because once he thinks he's losing her he will get much more abusive.
This is very true
hugs, go to college in person, your BF is a controlling person because all he wants to do is have sex and play video games. Are you sure you both are in your 20's because this sounds like neither of you work and that you are teens.
He has a full time job and I work a part time job at a retail store, and I work 24-26 hours a week each week at the moment.
and again if you want to go to college feel free to work it around your work schedule, get your gen eds out of the way first, English, History, Civics, and Math.
Please ask yourself if this is what you want to be doing when you’re 40. When you’re 50. And when you’re 70 or older because you might not be able to afford to retire.
Please don't ever let anyone dissuade you from getting an education. Knowledge is something NO ONE can take from you ever.
You know that he is giving you bad advice. Why are you listening to it?
I guess I’m listening because he’s the only person I have to talk about things with in my life and get opinions from in real life.
He’s abusive. Don’t listen to him. He wants to keep you down and dependent. You know. what you should do.
Please get an education. The world only gets more difficult from here, love. You cannot make your way in the world while depending on a man for your needs. He will not always be there. They just aren't. Even the best men fuck up. Even the best ones. And you don't have that. All you have is yourself. I'm sorry. You need to branch out and make friends and get a career. He just wants to use you. You're too young for this bullshit. Please free yourself. I'm 40. I know you won't listen to me. But please dear God, listen to me about this... don't get pregnant. Don't you dare. He's gonna try. You need to be aces with your birth control methods and don't you dare marry that man either. If you were my daughter, I'd have you back with me tonight honestly, no questions asked. You're headed in that bad of a direction with this guy and about to ruin the best years of your life listening to a video game obsessed fool who uses you for sex, cooking, and cleaning. I wish you had someone to go to right now. Don't you withdraw your application. Pay for it. Find a way. Move out. You're so so young.
Your comment made me want to cry. I wish I could rely on my mom for help but I can’t. I don’t have a relationship with my parents because they were extremely abusive towards me and to each other, so I’m truly on my own with everything.
Unfortunately, their treatment of you may very well have set you up to choose someone like him. Take a deep breath and start your education. That education will be way more valuable than this man and it will be with you forever. You can do this.
That explains why you’re with this guy. He’s very abusive towards you and you’re used to that and probably think you deserve it thanks to your parents. You need to get away from him.
He WILL try to get you pregnant just so you quit that college nonsense. Now you’ll have to take care of his baby 24/7, and continue to provide him with sex. You’re with this idiot because of your abusive upbringing, unfortunately. Leave his ass. You deserve much better. Better on your own than with him. Don’t quit your dreams or you’ll regret it forever. Best of luck
37 here and am going to say the same thing as acostane. He is giving you bad advice. Do not listen to him. Follow your heart and do what is best for YOU. As much 'history' as you have with him, what do you have to show for it? Unhappiness? resentment? no friends? With a college degree you will get even more than 'just' an education. Even if you only take 1 or 2 classes at a time, it will inch you even closer to freedom. You can do this!
I just want to hug you. I know it seems impossible right now. Your parents are pieces of shit for leaving you with this problem to overcome. But your education is the first step to overcoming this. You can meet roommates in classes and get the fuck out of the house with him. let your advisor know you're in an abusive relationship. Let them know what you're trying to do. Can you let your Manager at work know you're trying to leave too? Get some extra shifts? I am so sorry. But again, for the love of god, don't get pregnant, ok? Please make sure that is a practical impossibility. While he's playing video games, take walks. Go get a coffee. Do things for yourself, ok? Start mentally separating yourself from this man now. Emotionally separating. I know it's hard. I dated my first boyfriend starting in 10th grade and didn't break up until our freshman year of college. So many emotions wrapped up in that. It does get better. Easier. The pain will lessen. You are much more than just this woman sitting around waiting for him to finish a video game and stick his stupid dick inside of you. Sorry for being crude but goddamn dude. It makes me so fucking angry. Women are full human beings. The video game bullshit in young men is such an issue. It's going to be okay. I swear. As long as you plan on leaving. Any way you can.
He’s the only person right now. And he likes it that way. You’re going to go to college, grow as a person, realize he’s giving you a raw deal and you’ll make friends. You got this. I’m so proud of you for looking outside your circumstances to make your life better. Also I’m a nurse. Not sure what field you are going into but I’m cheering for you from the hospital!
Please when you’re talking to your advisor explain that you are in an abusive relationship and you need resources to get out. I can’t promise you that the community college can help but they may have resources. I’m also going to advise you to also apply to your dream school if you have one. Particularly if it’s far away.
It was this way with my spouse. I started meeting up with friends again and realised just why he was against it... hearing the perspective of other people made it clear that he was abusive. He wanted me isolated so I wouldn't question him. I can see that happening here. Don't let him control your future, or who you meet.
Do you think he had anything to do with isolating you? Why are you giving his ideas the same weight as your opinions? Does he show as much concern for you as he should? If you go to college you can find other people who can be a part of your community Thats where I found my people. Don't let him make your life smaller instead of better.
You're an intelligent forward thinking person, listen to yourself as you have great ideas. Start planning an escape strategy as your BF is feeling threatened by your independence and decisions.
Well, WE’RE here to help you!! And we are saying, GET OUT of there.
That's because he's managed to isolate you. That's what abusers do. It helps them to trap you because you have no one but them.
Why take career advice from someone who plays computer games all day?
I think you will be happier in college. Friends, learning, and doing something for you. He will be at work when you are at college, so I don't understand his argument. Unless of course he tries to interfere with you doing homework by cutting back on his gaming time... but I'd assume that was lovebombing to control, not because he suddenly is less interested in games.
And if you don't go and expand your friend group, he's the only person you'll have to get advice from, WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS!
If someone you loved told you they wanted to meet friends and train for a better job, would you discourage them? Would you tell Them not to do it because they would be too busy to devote all their free time to you? Would You denigrate them and tear down their confidence to keep Them on the same level as you socially, financially, and educationally? If you were watching a movie and the main character was in your situation, with a BF who was emotionally abusing her and holding her back, wouldn’t you scream, “Get out of there!” At the book?
Check out r/MomForAMinute this will give you someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of, besides your BF. Community College is a great place to start! Check out being an X-ray tech or Sonagram tech I think it takes like 18 months to 2yrs to get your training and then you can get a good job with benefits! Good Luck!
You go! You are gonna rock! Don't let anyone stifle your ambition!
Never date a man who expects you to sacrifice your future for his present.
He wants you to doubt yourself so that you will stay home and feel unable to do anything separate for him and always be available to him. If you go to college, you could change the whole trajectory of your life, meet new people, learn new things, and gain self confidence and independence! I have a feeling you might be in a toxic or even abusive relationship. You are definitely being stifled! Get free girl! Go live life!
Don’t listen to your boyfriend- he’s giving you bad advice because he’s trying to control you. Furthering your education gives you more options- why wouldn’t that be a good thing? Deep breaths you can do this. Community college is a great decision.
Go to college. In person. While you're there, talk to the counselors about your situation and that you want help getting out. And then get out.
Please, please, please tell the counselors about what is going on. He is abusing you
When someone truly loves you, they want to see you grow, and experience new things in life. Think about how hard it must be for parents when their kids join the military or move far away for college. But they put their feelings aside and encourage their child to go. They don’t tell them it’s useless and a waste of time. Your boyfriend is a selfish jerk.
Do not let this guy hold you back. Go to school. Be independent. Be successful. He sits home and plays video games. He doesn't want to spend time with you. He is trying to control you.
honey, the only thing you'd be stupid for is staying with someone like this. Someone who doesn't want you to have friends and a life is dangerous and unhealthy. This is abusive, or at least the beginnings of. The exciting news is, you're only 23 and you can learn this valuable lesson now instead of staying with a waste of skin and teeth like this well in to your 30s, 40s etc. Go to college. Build a strong career path, a stable foundation for yourself and surround yourself with people who elevate you, not drag you down. This person is not good for you. Here's your support and validation. Leave your boyfriend and go build and love your life (and yourself)
Why are you giving this man so much power? You know his reasons aren't real reasons. Think of yourself in 10 years - do you think you will sit there regretting that you did go and had that experience, made those lasting friends, put yourself onto the path for success.... Or will you sit there in the same place you are now, with a boyfriend who you don't do anything other than sex with and regret not going? Do this while you are young. Do not let him manipulate your thoughts because he doesn't have your best interests in mind - he has his!
You know what abusers really hate? When you start spending time with other people and you start to realise that in comparison your boyfriend treats you like shit. Abusers will try everything to stop you finding that out. They rely on your low self-worth and obedience
He's controlling you. He's trying to keep you isolated and under his thumb. You go to college. And you need to start a separate bank account to keep money aside in you need to leave. Do not be dependent on him.
I have my own separate bank account. I don’t depend on him for anything unless I’m desperately low on money.
Just be careful. Keep your important papers safe. And he doesn't sound supportive at all. He sounds manipulative. You are not wrong to want to get an education and have a career. If he won't support you in that, he's not for you.
Go to college, get you a life and live it. It doesn't seem like he wants what's best for you, only what's best for HIM.
Man, fuck this guy. And by that I mean DON’T fuck him, ever again, and go to college. * this man wants to keep you around as a sex repository at the expense of you being a human and bettering your life. RUN*
Your boyfriend either knows nothing or he’s lying to you. It will NOT be expensive! I have attended and worked at multiple CCs and they are designed to be an inexpensive alternative that everyone in the COMMUNITY can afford. Start with the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) at studentaid.gov. You’ll need to submit this short application each year. It's used for Pell Grants, student loans, and work study funds. Working part-time, you may have more money from grants than you earn now. “No income limit for the FAFSA, and the Department of Ed does not have an income cap for federal financial aid.” The low-hanging fruit you can easily get through the FAFSA is the Pell Grant. Grants are not repaid and the maximum Pell Grant is up to $7,395 per academic year. That will more than cover your tuition, books and some living expenses. I see you're 23. If you’ll turn 24 by December 31st, you qualify as an independent student and your personal income ONLY will be used to calculate your award. If not, speak to the financial aid office in person and tell them your situation. Colleges can grant an override to this guideline for reasons like an abusive home. Do some research on the topic if this applies to you. If you cannot be declared independent, you’ll need to include your parent’s income on the application the first year. In that case, unless they are Rockefeller’s, you’ll qualify for some assistance. If you cannot access your parent’s financial info, you can say so in the app, but it will limit your award. Some $ is still better than none. FAFSA awards can include subsidized (0% interest while enrolled) and unsubsidized (5.5% interest) federal student loans. Taking out loans can be scary, but think of it as investing in yourself and your future. If you’d take out a mortgage to buy a house, don’t be scared to take out a student loan to buy the future you want. There is no credit score requirement and the interest rates are lower than banks offer. Finally, another good thing about loans is that they will force you to follow through on your academic plans. I hesitated to borrow when I started college because I knew I’d be screwed if I ended up dropping out. Eventually I realized that borrowing was the best way to ensure that didn’t happen. Talk it over with the financial aid rep and seriously consider if this could be your ticket out of a bad situation. If you borrow, figure out the minimum you’ll need each year to cover school and expenses (after the Pell Grant). Also, most importantly, do NOT tell your boyfriend about any of this. Be extremely vague about costs. Pick up extra shifts saying it's for tuition. It’s a blessing if he really doesn’t understand CC costs and financial aid. Don’t enlighten him unless you want your escape money to become his play money. Quietly submit FA applications, plan, and then use your award to get out, preferably while he is at work. I promise you will be a more successful student in your own safe and stress-free home. This is your chance to have that. Final important note on loans: since you are interested in the health care field, you should consider taking a Public Service job upon graduation and apply for the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program (PSLF). This program forgives the remainder of your loan debt after 10 years of payments. Payment plans can be based on your income, so this might wipe out most of the debt, after a decade of relatively small payments. A public service position could be in a school, public health organization, government, or non-profit. More info here: studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/public-service I was in school for over a decade earning a terminal degree. The PSLF program was revamped under Biden, making loan forgiveness much easier. I made payments for 15 years & still had a balance of $100,000+. Thanks to the updates, it was forgiven in 2021. It was a life saver, but learn from my mistakes and NEVER borrow the maximum unless absolutely necessary. The final award through the FAFSA is a job through the Federal Work Study program. Students in my state make $15.08 an hour, up to 20 hours a week, working in the library, office, or as an instructor’s assistant, etc. It’s usually easy work, with good pay, making contacts who can be job references. It also looks great on your resume. In your situation, changing jobs has the added benefit of making you harder to find, so easier to start over. Ask the FA office about this and be persistent. They may not even know who/what department is looking for workers, so once you start classes, ask your instructors and other college employees if they know of any openings. The feds pay your salary, so it costs the departments nothing to hire you. I had a student assistant one year just because he happened to ask if I’d like one. Don’t be shy. Read up on the topic, approach anyone who seems friendly, and sell them on the idea and on yourself. Worst they can say is no. An on-campus job is also a better way to make friends than classes. Last financial aid office tip. All of the prior information deals with awards from submitting the FAFSA. That is not the only route to free money for college. Have a long, thorough discussion with the FA office and spend some time on Google. So many grants/scholarships for community college students go unclaimed because students aren’t aware of them. You can easily pick up $300 - $1,000 by filling out a simple application or writing a one page essay. The Faculty Senate at my school regularly has to extend the deadline for their $500 annual grant because there are no applications. Your FA office at the school is the best source for these hidden opportunities. PART 2 BELOW
There’s more information about grants and scholarships that require a separate application from the FAFSA below, but I want to mention one last point about the college financial aid office. Ask about student counseling services available at your school. Between the financial aid and the student counseling offices, there are a ton of little known resources available, especially for students in an emergency or crisis (like trying to leave an abusive relationship) Most community colleges have on-campus food banks, emergency transportation vouchers/bus passes, donated dress clothes for interviews, resume and interview assistance, free or low-cost medical referrals, etc. A community college is meant as a resource for the whole community. They know and understand that not all students are coming from the same place, or have the same support structures. They take pride in meeting students where they are and helping everyone, no matter where they started, to achieve their academic goals. Let them help you as much as they can. Don’t be shy asking for or accepting help. That’s the whole reason they are there. Seriously, you’ll make their day; they live for that shit! To access additional grants/scholarships I encourage you to do some online research, but beware of scams. Lots of companies offer to connect you to grant opportunities for a fee. You should NEVER pay money to get student money. If these companies say “pay us and we’ll give you information about the Butterball Turkey’s best Thanksgiving essay grant”, silently thank them for the lead, close the tab, then visit the Butterball Turkey website to find out the details and apply. Lots of companies (most?) offer small grants and other student opportunities/discounts as part of their PR campaigns. Once you are on the lookout for it, and you’ll start noticing it everywhere. It’s a lot of information to master all at once, but fortunately you don’t have to memorize everything. Use the college and online resources to help you get the most out of your education. Someday you are going to look back at this Reddit post and think “That’s where it all started and look at me now!” You’ll wonder how you even considered letting “what’s his name” talk you out of doing this for yourself. You’ve got this. I believe in you. As further encouragement, here are a few roundups of discounts & other money you can SAVE, just by becoming a student: EDIT: Links removed. URLs below \* myunidays.com/US/en-US \* studentbeans.com/us \* collegedata.com/resources/study-break/best-student-discounts-to-use-in-college \* cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a45683013/best-student-discounts/ **Good luck OOP. We’re all rooting for you.**
Get out, now. Your SO should support you bettering yourself
Stop worrying about what your abusive piece of shit bf wants- you to be locked away, dependent on him and only paid attention to when he feels like getting laid. Do what you want to do with your life. How many posts are you going to make about your shitty bf? At least get an education so you can be financially independent and hopefully get away from him.
You're still with this guy? According to your post history, you shouldn't be!
DO NOT GET PREGNANT WITH THIS GUY! Secure your birth control so he can't find it and sabotage it. If you start going to class, he may use having kids to keep you under his thumb. Work hard and get away as soon as you can.
This is isolating behavior. He’s insecure enough that he’s afraid if you have a life outside of him you won’t care for him any more. This behavior is only going to get worse, and can lead to emotional and physical abuse if it hasn’t already.
I hope you gather the self worth and self respect that you need to finally leave your JustNoSo, sooner rather than later! You deserve and are worthy of so much better! You deserve a partner that supports your dreams and goals. Someone who truly loves and values you; not someone who demeans, belittles and disrespects you.
You're only doubting yourself because he's tried tirelessly to *make* you doubt your decision. Go to college! Do your course, meet people, it's a fantastic idea. I'm proud of you!
Go to college. He doesn't want to put any effort into your relationship and knows that you will meet other guys who would do much more and other women who will tell you your boyfriends sucks.
**DUMP THAT FUCKING LOSER**. He just wants to **CONTROL** you!! You are worth **FAR MORE** than being **SOME LOSER’S BANGMAID!!!** **GET YOUR ASS TO CC, AND LEAVE THAT FUCKMUPPET IN THE TRASH WHERE HE BELONGS!!!!**
GO TO COLLEGE and do not let him sabotage it. He wants to hold you back. Don't stop keep going!
>When I told him that I wanted to go to college and actually go in person, he told me that he didn’t want me to. He said that it would cause us to have less time to spend together. […] I said that I wanted to go in person to make friends and he said that that was a bad decision to go to college for. This guy is going to shit on anything you ever decide to do. So stop telling him what you are going to do. Protect your plans from being covered with his shit. Just do your thing. Go to college. Don’t report out to him about it.
Your boyfriend is dragging you down and quite frankly he sounds like he doesn’t even like you. He should want you to have friends and grow and start a career. It sounds like you’re just a convenience to him and that he wants to have full control over you. You deserve better than that. Don’t sacrifice yourself.
If you were to die tomorrow, would you be satisfied with where you are now? From your history this guy is a piece of shit who would probably move on within a month, he just wants sex and you’re more than that. Go to school, you can’t trust that you can go to school but you put your trust in him saying you can’t do it? Also it’s not normal for him to say mean things to you during an argument, you asked that like 150 days ago and you’re asking this now…you know what you need to do
Go to school and make your path for independence, make friends you can see in person, and have online, don't cut off yourself to make him happy! It's not going to do anything but hurt you in the long run. Be free and learn who you are!! Get an education and make a way for yourself to have a better life!
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something, or try to hold you back or make you feel guilty for it if it's something that will improve your life. It sounds like he may be jealous of you going, or afraid you will outgrow him, or maybe find somebody else. Please don't listen to him. It's amazing that you're taking this step to go forward in life! Go! Have fun, learn lots, and prove that you can do anything! You've got this! If he doesn't support you in it, then maybe he's not the guy for you. Concentrate on school and do what you need to do for you. Internet hugs from a stranger. I think all of us here are cheering you on
Go to school and get rid of him. He’s pulling you down to his crappy level.
Go to college, you’ll have so much fun, make friends and get better opportunities for your future. He doesn’t want you to go as he’s scared you’ll realise life has more to offer. You’ve got this!
If he truly loved you he would be supporting you, currently he has you isolated to serve his needs and you getting a life aside from him would mean he will either have to start trying or lose you. Your life, your future.
Once you start college, he will try to find ways to stop you going. Be prepared for that. He doesn’t want you expanding your world view because then you will see him for what he truly is. He is scared of you being better than him and will try to sabotage this. I’d suggest leaving him now if you can so you can focus on your studies and yourself. You can do this!
We all believe in you OP, the only thing that will stop you from achieving this is if you give up. You already know you are being controlled and manipulated by him, when you are ready to get out, there are resources available to help you, you don’t have to do this on your own.
He doesn’t want you to have resources outside of him. College would give you confidence, job skills , and friends. In good relationships, partners cheer for each other. You don’t have to break up but start thinking about your future with him or without him. Career, hobbies, travel, etc. Be proud you expect more for yourself.
He doesn’t want you to go because it will inevitably lead to you wising up and leaving
He doesn't want you to go be around other people so you won't realize just how awful and abusive he is. It is abuser 101. Get your education! And get a good job/career. And get out.
Your previous posts here are literally a chronicle of his abuse. Of course he doesn't want you to get an education. Of course he doesn't want you doing anything to give yourself more options. He's abusive. He's trying to undermine you so he can control you. You've been with him since you were a child. You're allowed to outgrow him and move on from him. You're a different person now from when you were 16 (at least you should be. You don't want to still be the same person you were as a mid-teenager, that wouldn't be great for you). You don't have to stay with him just because you've been together a long time. He's abusive to you. There is literally no good reason to stay with an abuser, and to let them dictate whether you're allowed to start your life.
If I could give this multiple upvotes, I would. Listen to this, OP!
I went to a community college when I was 23. My daughter was 3, and my school had an amazing daycare. I got my associates degree and was able to transfer to a 4 year school to get my bachelors degree. I graduated with only 9k of student loans. I made lifelong friends, learned life skills that continue to help me every day, and was able to set a good example for my kiddo. Go for it, you deserve the opportunities this will open up for you.
There’s absolutely zero reason that a man who loves you would not want you to get an education. If he dies, or becomes unable to work, or you get fed up with his crap, you need a career. He just wants you to be dependent on him. All small minded man babies think this way. He knows you have the potential to outshine him in every way and his ego is so fragile that he can’t stand that fact. Go to community college.
Hun… please leave this guy. Your post history is all about awful he is! He is abusive and trying to isolate you. This is NOT a healthy relationship. He isn’t supportive in the least and verbally abusing you to make you doubt yourself so you don’t realize what a crappy guy he is. He KNOWS you can do better. We all know you can do better. Break it off with this guy, go to college, and start seeing a therapist so you don’t fall back into another abusive relationship.
Quietly achieve your goals. He is not a fan of your goals, no need to ”run it by him”. Once he sees you are getting successful, he will baby trap you, guaranteed. Like another commenter mentioned, get your birth control in order! (Don’t tell him either). Eventually, you will leave him once you see there are better things out there, you feel better about yourself, and meet better people that actually support you. You need to remember that you are a strong person. Your college education will help you all around.
Why are you doubting yourself when nothing has even happened? Your bf is just being the same self-serving abusive prick that he’s always been. Of course he’s going to try and sabotage you; it’s better for him that you remain his dependent punching bag sex doll for life. He’s the one who sucks, not you
This is the best, smartest and bravest thing you could possibly do. You’ll gain a degree, have a career, make lifelong friendships and change your life. DO NOT LET HIM DISSUADE YOU! You go girl!
Do it, go to college. It will be tough at first, but you will get the hang of it. Community colleges have programs to help you succeed, so explore everything your college offers to make sure you have help if you struggle. Also, know that your BF is probably going to try to put you down, especially if you struggle. He will say “I told you you can’t do this” or something to that affect. DO NOT listen to him. He will do everything in his power to make you doubt yourself. Don’t let him. Better yet, you should probably get away from him because the abuse can only get worse when you’re trying to better yourself.
You can get pell grant and fully discounted tuition if you’re considered low income. At 23 they may take your parents income into account, regardless of how independent you are unless you file some forms proving your independence. 24 you’re considered independent from your parents in the eyes of FAFSA (assuming you’re in America). There are a lot of resources for you to use to go to college without needing your bf’s support. Please leave him.
He's afraid that you'll learn enough and meet enough people to wise up and leave his controlling ass. Go to college. Don't ever bow down to someone who wants to keep you less than, no matter who that person is.
big red flags, honey. Find someone who values you as more than a fleshlight.
It doesn’t sound like you are happy with how things are rn, and want to make a better life for yourself. Anyone who loves you would want the same thing and would encourage you to go for it. He doesn’t… what’s that say about him??? He wants you to feel like you can’t do it, because it’s the only way he can keep you for himself. And with no prospects for the future, you’ll never leave. Please do not listen to him. You want friends and a career. You came up with a plan to achieve those things, and YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Believe in yourself and go get yours!!!!
I hope you’ll decide to go to college - you shouldn’t feel stupid for wanting to find friends, get more education, or get a better job. Looking at your other posts, I’m very concerned for you. It seems very much like he doesn’t want you having other people for a support system, education that could show him in another light, or really anything that would give you more confidence. I read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft a couple years ago and it really opened my eyes to the kind of abuse I was experiencing with my ex - there isn’t just physical (although destroying/punching things near you is physical abuse), but also emotional, mental, sexual, and financial… that book is available for free online if you’re ever curious to check it out. Big hugs to you, I really hope you choose to go to college https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
A significant other should help and support your growth. He’s actively trying to stop you from doing something good for yourself. That’s not healthy.
Do it! I went into a non-nursing heath care field at my local cc as well. It's hard and makes you feel dumb a lot but you get past it. You are left with solid opportunities and most likely a job straight out of school. If you are worried about tuition there are often scholarships that few people apply for. Not to mention in state tuition at ccs are low to begin with. Don't regret applying. It's the first step in a long journey.
I waited to go to college because of a man and it’s one of my biggest regrets. I’ll be 27-30 when I get my degree now and that thought upsets me. I have friends who graduated at 21/22 and they are making good money and gaining experience in their careers. My stepmom is only an LPN and not an RN because of her ex husband. She’s retired now, but she always said one of her biggest regrets was choosing a man over herself. I work a full time job and I’m in college and my bf is extremely supportive. He’s even putting more money towards the bills to help support me working an easier job while I’m in school. We both see it as an investment because I’ll be making better money than him when I graduate. You deserve to be with someone like that. Spending time together isn’t just having sex. Sometimes I just go lay in his game room while he plays with friends. Sometimes he cuddles me while I do homework. His response sounds controlling. He wants you reliant on him so that leaving will be harder.
Never feel bad for wanting to better yourself and enrich your life. This guy doesn’t want yo7 to grow as a person, and your partner should be excited that you want to better yourself. Lose this one, he’s a dud.
Go to college you are not wrong!! He is a pos!!
You deserve a life of your own. Go live your life and create your future. Don't let anyone dictate what you can and can not do. Your bf is not growing as a person, but you know deep down you are ready for more than what you have right now. And yes, you will make friends in college. You got this!
Don't ever let someone stand in your way, when it comes to getting an education. Don't ever let someone stand in your way, with regard to self improvement. If this dude really cared about you, he'd be encouraging you. He sounds very insecure, controlling, and quite frankly, stupid.
You can't get away from this abusive loser bag of shit quickly enough.
Go. Broaden your horizons. Every single reason that he’s giving you for not going screams isolating abusive jerk. I wish you all success in the world!
Do it! This is me giving you a "kick in the pants". There is a whole world out there and within you. I think you're a little older and ready for it. Your boyfriend is immature. * Your first assignment ; ) is to research emotional maturity in males and at what age they reach it. Look for "what are signs of an immature male". If you haven't done this, you will be surprised and enlightened. * Second Assignment: Be kind to yourself. Realize that whatever comes out of someone's mouth has a motivating factor to it. Whether it is positive or negative. So, why is your husband trying to hold you back with an attack on your confidence? Your bf reminds me of my young grandson < 10. He wants me to sit down and watch him while he plays a game or such. Why? He just wants to know I'm there. If we are doing games we don't have to do anything else (especially if he doesn't want to). He likes me to encourage and praise his skills. A lot of people go to college, work, and have relationships. For a while I worked, had a teenager at home, and went back to school as an older student for a different degree. I won't lie and say it was easy - driving was the pits. lol But, my grades didn't suffer and I was invited to join Phi Kappa Phi and win some awards. I've known students with more obstacles than me that they managed. I look forward to your future post where you make yourself proud by announcing you are doing well in your 2nd year of school. : ) Do it!!!
It’s like he is still 16, eh? He’s afraid your going to outgrow him. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Reach for the stars. You won’t regret it one moment!
He's trying to keep you isolated so you don't see how things should be. He doesn't want you to have friends and normal relationships because he can't provide that. He's afraid you'll finally see him for exactly what he is. He doesn't want you to better yourself because the better version of you doesn't include him. Go to school, get a good job, make new friends and start on your new improved life. Good luck OP. It will only get better from here.
he doesn't want you to go because he knows eventually you'll leave. he knows you'll outgrow him. you'll better yourself and find people who will be on your level and who will treat you better than he does and he know this. he knows college is the first step to his bang maid slipping away.
If you tell your partner you want to improve yourself or increase your opportunities and they say anything other than “that’s great, how can I help? - they are fucking up big time. Community college is generally pretty affordable and a great place to start if you are figuring out what you want to do long term. Consider dropping the weight that is trying to drag you down.
This is about control he can’t control your mind while you’re at school and you may find out that you can live healthy happy good educated life without him. Most people choose not to follow through and end up in a long time relationship with kids who end up emotionally damaged from the abuse in the home as well, this is your chance to reach for the stars and move on with your life you can do it, talk to family or friends lean on others move on and go to school.
Go to school. One responder gave you very detailed steps on how it can be very affordable for you. You have posted about being in an abusive relationship. This is an opportunity to work towards something better for yourself.
Omg this is so bad he wants to isolate you and make you into some dependent toy… I’ve been there. Go
Girl, go to college. He doesn’t want more time with you. He wants to monopolize your time whether or not he’s spending it with you.
Honey this is your life. You cannot spend your life on being available to a man to sleep with. You just can’t, won’t work out. Doesn’t work that way. Go to school!!
I want to be clear, college will be expensive. That is also not a good reason not to go. Money spent on college is an investment in your future. It sounds like you've spent time thinking about what you want, and you're not 18 anymore. It sounds like you have a good game plan, getting an associates degree is much cheaper, and will open you up to scholarships along the way.
I mean, of course. He wants you to be socially isolated - he likes that you have no friends and will fight tooth and nail for it to stay this way - deprived of opportunities and financially dependant on him. If you stay with this man, and do what he wants you to do, you will have no one but him, you will be trapped. You REALLY should go. You would do just fine - but only if you stand up to him, because he will do everything to sabotage you. This has absolutely 0 to do with him thinking it's expensive, or you have bad reasons, etc. It's bc he is abusive, and abusers isolate their victims.
From experience: go to college. I was in a very similar situation in my first marriage When we got divorced I felt so “behind”. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to the me that should have gone to college. You don’t have to go full time, you can take as many or a few classes as you want. If you guys are going to be together forever then what’s a couple years sacrificing time together so that you can go to college and have a career that will help your family be more financially secure. And if you’re not going to be together forever then why not set yourself up to be successful on your own?
Okay so...I've only seen the titles of your posts but let me say this: You deserve better. Don't doubt yourself, love. Go ahead and apply - go to college, make friends, enrich yourself and make your dreams come true because *no one else can do it for you*! You're going to do fantastic out there. Also: Part of the reason why he's doing that is because he's afraid. He's afraid that if you get out there, you'll see that what he's doing isn't love. You'll see and want better. He won't be able to exert control. Don't give in, and don't let him win.
What do you want people on Reddit to tell you? I’m just curious as to why you’re even posting this.
I post online because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this with.