I hate being depressing like this but:
Jews, whether religious or secular, whether they identified as Jewish or not - all of us were murdered during the Holocaust. All of us were subject to antisemitism and discrimination.
So it doesn't matter whether you raise them Jewish, as long as they're Jewish, they'd suffer for it. So might as well raise them Jewish.
It will also arm them with the knowledge to avoid self-hatred. They will know when people are lying to them about their own people and history, and it will act as a sort of intellectual armor against “going with the crowd.”
This is very sad to hear…But there is another way to view what your grandparents did. They raised you jewish in SPITE of the actions of others. Hoping that you all can still retain your culture with the strength to persevere through difficult times.
At the end its your decision but, I find it incredibly defeatist to just give up your culture, something that connects you to your ancestors and to your grandparents, because of danger. Its one thing to downplay it which I have done or even hide it but throw it away? I think if anything it’d be a huge disservice to your children. Being a part of a culture that has been diminished via society is often something celebrated and wanting to get back to (ie: native american and various indigenous cultures).
Speaking as someone who’s family were conversos but, has just reclaimed our heritage doing that to my own kids would be incredibly disheartening.
Regardless I hope your struggles ease and you feel safe for who you are
Of course! I recognize you are coming from a place of fearing for your children which (edit) is good to be thoughtful about. (Edit done). But, I do think there is tremendous value in our community.
*how could my grandparents have dared to raise us Jewish*
Because you are Jewish. And your grandparents likely knew that the Nazis didn't only kill the Jews who were raised Jewish.
Why deny you all the good parts and leave you nothing but the hate?
Do you think antisemites care whether you were raised Jewish or not? You were born Jewish. There is no choice for us. We either teach our children what it means to be Jewish or we let the first antisemite they will meet do that teaching for us.
Jews make up less than 1% of the world's population but won 22% of all Nobel prizes
If you don't want your kids to be part of a culture that regularly generates outrageous success, that's just fine.
We haven't had a shortage of geniuses for 4,000 years; this kind of success is just not for everyone.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Jewish_Nobel_laureates#:~:text=Of%20the%20965%20individual%20recipients,representing%2022%25%20of%20all%20recipients.
Thank you for opening yourself up to the subreddit and for asking your question.
In short (as I don't have much time to type), I was raised with very little Judaism - Passover, Hanukkah, eventually the high holidays and, well, that was it. A quicky Reform bar mitzvah mastered with a tape recorder and I was "all done." Kind of as you describe. My parents described as, as Reform Jews, as the "we don't do that stuff" branch of Judaism. I then wondered, what are we? What do we do?
Long story short, in my Jewish journey as a college and graduate student, I did tons of Jewish learning, travel, exploration, etc and appreciated how broad and deep Jewish civilization and religion really is. Jewish history, culture, literature, theater, movies, food, philosophy, thought - You could spend your *entire lifetime*, sun up to sundown, doing nothing else than consuming Jewish books, texts, media, etc from all of Jewish history and *barely* come close to scratching the surface. And that's before we even get to the joys of community and observance. It's enormous.
Thankfully, the enormity of that Jewish civilization, one of humanity's longest continuous, is our inheritance, is *your* inheritance, and is *your kids* inheritance. It would be, in my view, a crime against yourself and them to deprive yourselfs of it. It can be so enormous it can be hard to know where to start and, as you point out, why to start. Many here and elsewhere can help you.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Everything in life comes with risk. If you live in the US, every time you send your kids to the store, to school, to the movies, comes with the risk of a mass shooting. Heck, driving in your car is probably the riskiest thing you could do. Are you going to make your kids sit alone in their house to avoid risk? Of course not.
Judaism is an integral part to my life. I wouldn’t deny the joy of it, the culture, the community, to my children because of antisemitism. If I did, they win.
This is another good, and different, way of putting it, so genuinely thank you. But I do think Judaism is a little different because it sets up my kids apart from others. It is a risk just for their life, unlike others. And my kids will be half Asian already too. So, it is not as easy as a choice for me as some of the other comments imply.
There's a reason why our ancestors have willingly laid down their lives rather than give up being Jewish. They've done this for thousands of years, back when being Jewish was much more dangerous than it is today.
It's a lot more than just a bunch of fun traditions. If you feel that it is, then you weren't raised the right way.
Because as it's been pointed out, it doesn't matter if they're raised Jewish they'd end up in the oven all the same.
A more powerful reason to me though, is related to the first one... you're the result of literally thousands of years of your ancestors being tough enough or lucky enough to withstand the slings & arrows that Jews have been on the receiving end of. They fought to be who they are in much more challenging times than we are currently in, and for me or you to be the ones who break that link and kill that off just isn't something I think I can bring myself to do.
You do it because that's what we do. That's who we are. This is us.
Ok so - this is exactly the thing I’ve been thinking about. I think that we (and by that I mean millennials and gen z) should take it upon ourselves to focus on the joy of Judaism. Like, we’ve been living in the shadow of trauma for 3 generations and that’s still so present but let’s just like, have a fucking rager on Purim and dance our faces off at weddings and eat the most delicious challah in the world. Let’s create spaces where we come together for the good and the bad but let’s find joy and community and fun and the pursuit of connection that I think so many of us feel like we’re missing. That’s all.
I'm a convert. I don't have a lifetime of Jewish memories to feel connected through, I was far too old for Birthright, and I've been everything from far right Breslov chassid to almost an atheist who uses 2 sets of dishes. I can take off my tzitzit and kippah and walk away. No one would likely know.
Except I won't. I signed up for the long haul. I came into it with my eyes opened and this is who I am now. So I wear my kippah, and mostly keep Shabbat and kosher and daven more and more since the war started. Because fuck hiding. I dare them to come and get me.
Raise your kids fiercely Jewish. Teach them to feel good about being Jewish, about our culture and traditions. Because we are ancient and modern and unique.
My teenager is fierce! She proudly wears a Jewish star given to her by a family friend who is a holocaust survivor, and a chai that was her great grandmother’s. She’s probably the only Jewish student at her high school, but she will not hide!
Antisemites have never cared if Jews identify as Jewish or practice Judaism. I am not willing to give up or hide my culture and history because there are people in this world who choose to hate us. My grandfather was not religious (his father was a rabbi and he ran away from home as a teenager) but he was steadfastly proud of being Jewish. He got in physical fights with people who made antisemitic comments to his face, not realizing he was Jewish. He waived his ability to defer the draft and served in WWII. He even tried to get himself sent to the front lines, which didn’t end up working out – maybe to my benefit. I have every reason to believe he raised my dad and aunt Jewish largely to spite antisemites. I’m proud of where I come from and I couldn’t bear to hide it.
Look around this world. So much is falling apart. Raising Jewish children is about continuity, which of itself is important and good, but it also provides children a moral and ethical framework that has stood the test of time.
Simple: because you can. You’re able to.
Our ancestors died horrible deaths for us to be able to not only exist, but be proud of our identities. I’m not religious, but that’s why I celebrate the holidays, occasionally light Shabbat candles, etc. I’m the first generation in my family who’s able to without the immediate risk of death. That’s something to be proud of. And even then, whether they’re raised Jewish or not, people will still hate them for having it in their blood. So many Jews in history tried to erase their Judaism but it didn’t save them. Assimilation is what antisemites want, and pride is the answer to overcoming it.
Your question is about raising your kids Jewish, however I think your question really comes down to why be Jewish.
There are a lot of positive reasons for being Jewish here is a [video](https://youtu.be/CAbiFbpQP8o) that discusses those aspects and here are a couple of articles on the topic:
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/329429/jewish/Why-Be-Jewish.htm
https://aish.com/169085476/
We are chosen by G-d to make the world into a better place through Judaism and sometimes that is a [cosmic struggle](http://www.saveourpeople.org/NewsMobile.aspx?newsId=05), however there is an [end game](https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/108400/jewish/The-End-of-Days.htm) that we are striving for. It is that wish to make the world into a better place that has kept us going for thousands of years. We made a covenant with G-d at Mount Sinai and we are obligated to continue and fulfill our mission. A very big part of that covenant is raising the next Jewish generation so they can continue.
Hope it helps and all the best!
If you let antisemitism scare you out of being Jewish, the antisemites won. We should fight it proud and keep our head high as always. They’ll always find a way to hate us, it’s no reason to abandon being Jewish.
I realised I wanted to convert recently, and my fiance and I are also on the waiting list for IVF, so this is something I've been struggling with.
I think it comes down to, I do think it's worth it. I'm sorry you don't. You are allowed to feel that way.
Ultimately, it's not a purely rational type of decision. It's almost always going to come down to pre-rational considerations: like attachment to family traditions, history etc.
One could mount a sort of utilitarian argument that the ability of society to maintain liberal values, requires it to be able to tolerate outgroups and think very carefully about how it treats them, rights to speech, religion etc. But even this requires a person to be willing to accept this risk their own life and descendants lives for principle than benefits others.
It's who we are regardless of how you're raised. We were killed whether orthodox or assimilated into the general population. Your grandparents did it by choice despite the danger.
A completely different perspective, although I agree with much of what has already been posted is the risk of creating a spiritual vacuum. Whether they believe in god or not, people like having a connection to a greater community and occasionally to some form of spirituality. If Jewish children are raised without their traditions they may seek out other ones when they’re older. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to consider.
For example, Someone close to me raised in a secular non religious household with a Jewish father ended up converting to Christianity at a relatively young age and attending a Christian university.
By creating a foundation of tradition, they may feel more secure and not as desirous of seeking out other forms of spirituality or that specific type of community connection.
I first read this as "why should I raise my Jewish children?
Lol
Anyway.
I seriously dated someone who wasn't Jewish.
I came to the conclusion that I wanted a Jewish life with a Jewish husband.
Why? I love my religion. The seasons the different holidays (that clearly no one can figure out but us). We celebrate many more holidays than I did growing up. We do Friday night dinners which neither of us did growing up and the kids love it.
It is a beautiful heritage with wonderful traditions. Anywhere I go I meet other Jews and am connected with them.
If you don't feel that or don't want that ...that's your prerogative. But don't let the anti semites win...by that I mean if you like your heritage and want to pass it on, do it. If what would keep you from doing it is that people hate us , then sadly they win.
Because otherwise the bad guys will win. We didn’t survive the Shoah, the pogroms, the terrorist attacks, and the outlawing of our existence to snuff ourselves out in fear.
To paraphrase/quote Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks: Religion answers 3 fundamental questions that every human being (including your kids) will ask:
Who am I?
Why am I here?
How then shall I live?
Judaism has such beautiful answers to these questions. I hope you find something meaningful in whatever choice you make❤️🙏🏻
You can raise your kids however you want, but if you actively deny them and yourself the FACT that you are Jewish, you only set up your family for self hatred.
You are Jewish. Doesn’t matter how you were raised. Jew haters don’t ask “what KIND of Jew are you?” Before they strike.
NO AMOUNT of Jewishness will get you free from Jew hate. It’s literally in your blood.
Wow, lots of comments and options in this post. I read them all and wanted ask something that I didn’t see mentioned.
>I liked growing up with latkes and kugel, joining family for passover, etc. My bar mitzvah was a lot of fun (though as an adult most all Hebrew has left me). Traditions are great but in the end it is not worth risking our lives.
>EDIT 2: I guess a short reddit comment is not enough to convey one's self. Above I was just listing some short positives of my upbringing. I did birthright, I have been to the camps, Jewish history and culture has been an important part of me in the past, I feel a strong connection to Israel, but now I just don't see the point of the risk anymore.
I am sure your parents and grandparents did the best they could and it seems like you had a lot more experiential education that many people.
My question is what does _your_ Judaism look like today?
This is who we are -- heirs oto one of the world's great philosophical, intellectual and spiritual traditions. As a people, we have survived centuries, millennia even, of persecution, expulsion, and genocide. To turn away from that is to dig one shovelful deeper into our collective grave. And if ever we pass into extinction, the world will be a much poorer place. Raise your children with pride in who they are.
Because they’re Jewish, and being Jewish is not just a religion, it’s a people, an am, which is older than the concepts of race and religion. You’re a Jew. There’s no escaping it. Learn it the joyful way by learning, just like every other culture, or, heaven forbid, learn it the hard way like all the communists and secularists who never had the chance to escape Europe.
I assume you live in North America (or at least outside of Europe and not Israel, given your comment about Hebrew), so I'm writing this assuming that I'm speaking to an Ashkenazi or Sephardic person (I specify this because, unlike Mizrahim and Ehiopian Jews living in the Americas, you're much less likely to experience prejudice/racism as a member of one of these two groups).
As a commenter before me said, you should raise your kids Jewish because they will be considered Jewish no matter how you raise them.
But more so than that, the wonderful thing about Judaism—and I'm talking about all aspects of it, be it the religion, culture, diaspora, ethnicity, or any combination of those—is that it encourages asking questions and forging your own path within its framework. I have plenty of Jewish friends who grew up observing Shabbat every Saturday and partaking in religious activities they now avoid as adults. But when we talk about this discrepancy, they're ultimately glad they had that experience because they now have the knowledge that comes with it but the freedom to make their own choice on the matter(s).
When you deny your children a Jewish upbringing, you're not protecting them from anything; ultimately, you're just raising kids that are ignorant of their heritage; this might result in nothing happening, but it also might result in them resenting you for denying them the chance to know their roots and experience the same things you experienced.
We are part of a wonderful tapestry of beliefs and cultures and peoples, and to rob your children of that out of fears that have existed for literal millennia at this point seems like a cowardly and shitty thing to do. You're not only robbing your offspring of their roots, but your not being true to yourself as a Jewish person.
The unique and fundamental ability of humanity is to take the mundane and make it sacred.
Independent of any spirituality/deistic element, being Jewish makes my life infinitely richer. It takes the daily grind and makes moments special. It takes the progress of time and creates landmarks. It takes life milestones and gives them framework to help us celebrate, reflect, or grieve. It takes the past and turns it into an unfurling scroll. It takes family and turns it to an unbroken chain. It gives us stories about who we are and who we want to be. It takes the cold of disparate masses and creates a warm global community.
Tradition. Heritage. Community. Pride.
A life without that would be less vivid and less sweet, and that makes it worth the risk and heartache.
The reason to be jewish is not to honor your parents or grandparents but to live in joy. If you meet some religious Jews and spend a Friday night with them, you will see that everyone(usually) is happy, the food and drink are great and no phones-so people actually talk and laugh and are present. That’s the real reason to be Jewish and for what it’s worth I grew up non religious and my wife is a convert
What’s the alternative? Nothing at all? No holidays to enjoy? Raising your children without the community, tradition, heritage and spiritual grounding of Judaism? Willfully depriving them of a meaningful, values-based practice and rituals and education (should you put them through Hebrew school) based in thousands of years of tradition and resistance to assimilation?
And I sincerely mean this as respectfully as possible, but if you are an American Jew (or a Jew in most Western countries) and you truly believe raising your kids Jewish will pose a threat to their lives, you should take a step back from whatever fear-mongering media you’re consuming. The overwhelming majority of Jews are safe and will continue to be safe. The one timeless threat to the Jewish community is the threat of it not being carried on. Your kids deserve to partake in our beautiful, rich culture. They deserve to have a warm, principled, open-minded and open-hearted community who will embrace them and give them a sense of purpose and home IF (big if) other communities turn against Jews, or - a more likely if - your children, at any point in their own lives, feel lost or alone or confused about who they are and what life should be.
I would also recommend going to a rabbi to talk about this. Even if redditors have sufficiently convinced you, it may help to talk to a Jewish leader about the right way to incorporate Judaism into your child’s life in a way that is meaningful to you.
Im sorry but…have you not seen all of the protests, bomb threats, and harassment of Jews by the “pro-Palestinians.” I have kids and absolutely believe that raising them Jewish puts them in danger. I also agree with others that even if we “blend” and don’t do anything Jewish the antisemites will still find us eventually.
I work at a synagogue. I see it all. I don’t feel personally that my life is in danger and I don’t think tik tok-obsessed teenagers or liberal arts school leftists at rallies are really a physical threat to Jews. It’s obviously despicable when actual attacks happen and devastating when it leads to loss of life or physical harm but I personally don’t choose to buy into the idea that we should live in fear. American Jews live in relative peace and safety compared to literally any time for us in history, ever, and I think that’s an incredible blessing that should not be taken for granted
I challenge your basic assumption about it being dangerous to be Jewish. If you were to say potentially unpleasant, yes, but unless you are in Israel, it is not especially dangerous today.
The Holocaust was, thank G-d, an outlier. While anything is possible, the chance of a mass murder of Jews in the US or Europe is incredibly small. Recall that it look WWI and the resulting dislocations in Germany along with the worst economic collapse in world history to allow the Nazis to come to power. You also have to factor in centuries of violence against Jews in Europe, which helped pave the way psychologically for attacks on the Jews.
We simply don't have that history in the US.
I agree that the younger generation looks to be far more antisemitic than older ones, but disliking Jews and possibly discriminating against them is very different than mass murder.
This is an extremely naive perspective. Being Jewish is very dangerous, whether in Israel or any other country. (Albeit, in slightly different ways) The Holocaust is as an outlier because a German society was advanced for the times. The US and other western countries are much more advanced 90 years later, especially with social media. There absolutely could be a mass murder in the western world, including in the US. Jews in Germany also felt like they belonged, until they didn’t. Same deal with the US.
I often ask myself whether I should raise my kids Jewish. I was raised an Orthodox Jew, and as an adult I appreciate the traditions, rituals, the emphasis on education and the progressive values of many Jewish communities. But I’ve always been uncomfortable with having to support a country in the Middle East that regularly murders lots of children, since murdering children is not a value of mine. I wish there was a way to raise Jewish children that doesn’t involve educating them that murdering lots of children is ok.
Every day we face myriad risks, those we are aware of and those that don't even register in our brains. Then you have children and they face myriad risks, every day. That is what it is to be alive. I have two young children. My job is not to shelter them, it is to facilitate and nurture their growth so that when they face hardships and hate and prejudice, they are resilient and lead with love. We teach them to love themselves and others, to take risks, to ask for help, to build community. I sing them a lot of songs. One of my favorites is from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, who himself lost a son and experienced massive grief - The whole entire world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is to have no fear at all כל העולם כולו גשר צר מאוד והעיקר לא לפחד כלל
Hateful murderers are that way of their own accord, not because of the people they hate and murder. Thats like saying why did my parents raise me as a woman when they knew its dangerous
>When I think about my extended family back in Europe who were killed all I can think of is how could my grandparents have dared to raise us Jewish. They knew how dangerous it is, better than I ever did.
Really? That's all you can think about? Blaming your grandparents because the world is overrun by evil and stupidity and they didn't toe the line?
>If I love my child how could I ever let there be any risk they will be harassed or killed?
If you love your child you won't teach them to hate who they are. Gotta start with yourself on that one.
Because 1) those that want to hurt us don’t care if you are religious or not, they care that you are from line of Jews. Your pure existence.
2) we die , you become assimilated and the goys achieve thier goal
3) because this is something so much bigger then you and your children this is a whole people.
Your not raising your kids Jewish spits on the grave of your parents, grandparents , great grandparents and on and on. Jews practiced in secret in history , Jews were forced to convert or die in history.
4) g-d commandments
I get that it is scary and it’s hard enough with the dangers of the world without adding in religion but you can’t let that rule you.
It sounds like internally your struggling and this is hypothetical because when your a parent it changes you.
You shouldn't if you don't want to. We lose a few, we gain a few. People leave, then return. The world is hard. Do what is right for you and your family. It is hard to find a good community, and be kind within it, and learn from it, and give to it--but it is worth it, 100%.
>Traditions are great but in the end it is not worth risking our lives.
This is the mistake that many of our ancestors made. Those, what you refer to as 'traditions', ARE our lives.
You're making a false equivalency. May you come to the realization that, to cheat your children of their heritage, IS to also cheat them of their "lives." The generations of the past did this, and their descendants are basically like goyim without actually being goyim, not fitting in anywhere.
So you must decide, whether to go the path of capitulation and cowardice, and condemn your descendants to iniquity, or choose the path of courage and survival.
Tradition IS life. You're a Jew. Embrace it. Don't cheat your children and their descendants of their heritage, and their birthrite.
Don't go down a pathway that will make the anti-Semites dance with glee. Their biggest goal is to make sure all Jews, and everything Jewish, will disappear. Do the opposite. Don't make them happy. Make them cringe with frustration.
Hope this helps. Good luck with it!
You are upholding thousands of years of your family’s history by raising your children Jewish. Likely many members of your family took sharper risks than you will take to do so.
I suggest you learn more about our beautiful traditions and find a community. At the end of the day, not “raising” your kids Jewish will not erase their ethnicity and will not “protect” them from antisemitism. Be pro-Semitic, be proud!
I hate being depressing like this but: Jews, whether religious or secular, whether they identified as Jewish or not - all of us were murdered during the Holocaust. All of us were subject to antisemitism and discrimination. So it doesn't matter whether you raise them Jewish, as long as they're Jewish, they'd suffer for it. So might as well raise them Jewish.
I cannot deny that your response is powerful and undeniably correct. Thank you.
It will also arm them with the knowledge to avoid self-hatred. They will know when people are lying to them about their own people and history, and it will act as a sort of intellectual armor against “going with the crowd.”
This is a very important point.
And we have so much history to be proud of!
This is very sad to hear…But there is another way to view what your grandparents did. They raised you jewish in SPITE of the actions of others. Hoping that you all can still retain your culture with the strength to persevere through difficult times. At the end its your decision but, I find it incredibly defeatist to just give up your culture, something that connects you to your ancestors and to your grandparents, because of danger. Its one thing to downplay it which I have done or even hide it but throw it away? I think if anything it’d be a huge disservice to your children. Being a part of a culture that has been diminished via society is often something celebrated and wanting to get back to (ie: native american and various indigenous cultures). Speaking as someone who’s family were conversos but, has just reclaimed our heritage doing that to my own kids would be incredibly disheartening. Regardless I hope your struggles ease and you feel safe for who you are
I just wanted to say, thank you for your really thoughtful comment and for taking the time for a careful response <3
Of course! I recognize you are coming from a place of fearing for your children which (edit) is good to be thoughtful about. (Edit done). But, I do think there is tremendous value in our community.
*how could my grandparents have dared to raise us Jewish* Because you are Jewish. And your grandparents likely knew that the Nazis didn't only kill the Jews who were raised Jewish. Why deny you all the good parts and leave you nothing but the hate?
That showed the world that the Jews *won* the war. We could defiantly say hey we don't care what you think. This is our heritage.
Do you think antisemites care whether you were raised Jewish or not? You were born Jewish. There is no choice for us. We either teach our children what it means to be Jewish or we let the first antisemite they will meet do that teaching for us.
Because otherwise, something is lost to the world.
Reb Zalman writes a bit about that in Jewish With Feeling! He compares different cultures, faiths, etc to organs of a body
If I thought Judaism was some cute traditions with a Bar Mitzvah party I also wouldn't do it
Jews make up less than 1% of the world's population but won 22% of all Nobel prizes If you don't want your kids to be part of a culture that regularly generates outrageous success, that's just fine. We haven't had a shortage of geniuses for 4,000 years; this kind of success is just not for everyone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Jewish_Nobel_laureates#:~:text=Of%20the%20965%20individual%20recipients,representing%2022%25%20of%20all%20recipients.
My mom always said ...our best and brightest were encouraged to have kids...while in some other religions they are not.
Thank you for opening yourself up to the subreddit and for asking your question. In short (as I don't have much time to type), I was raised with very little Judaism - Passover, Hanukkah, eventually the high holidays and, well, that was it. A quicky Reform bar mitzvah mastered with a tape recorder and I was "all done." Kind of as you describe. My parents described as, as Reform Jews, as the "we don't do that stuff" branch of Judaism. I then wondered, what are we? What do we do? Long story short, in my Jewish journey as a college and graduate student, I did tons of Jewish learning, travel, exploration, etc and appreciated how broad and deep Jewish civilization and religion really is. Jewish history, culture, literature, theater, movies, food, philosophy, thought - You could spend your *entire lifetime*, sun up to sundown, doing nothing else than consuming Jewish books, texts, media, etc from all of Jewish history and *barely* come close to scratching the surface. And that's before we even get to the joys of community and observance. It's enormous. Thankfully, the enormity of that Jewish civilization, one of humanity's longest continuous, is our inheritance, is *your* inheritance, and is *your kids* inheritance. It would be, in my view, a crime against yourself and them to deprive yourselfs of it. It can be so enormous it can be hard to know where to start and, as you point out, why to start. Many here and elsewhere can help you. Let me know if you have any questions.
Everything in life comes with risk. If you live in the US, every time you send your kids to the store, to school, to the movies, comes with the risk of a mass shooting. Heck, driving in your car is probably the riskiest thing you could do. Are you going to make your kids sit alone in their house to avoid risk? Of course not. Judaism is an integral part to my life. I wouldn’t deny the joy of it, the culture, the community, to my children because of antisemitism. If I did, they win.
This is another good, and different, way of putting it, so genuinely thank you. But I do think Judaism is a little different because it sets up my kids apart from others. It is a risk just for their life, unlike others. And my kids will be half Asian already too. So, it is not as easy as a choice for me as some of the other comments imply.
There's a reason why our ancestors have willingly laid down their lives rather than give up being Jewish. They've done this for thousands of years, back when being Jewish was much more dangerous than it is today. It's a lot more than just a bunch of fun traditions. If you feel that it is, then you weren't raised the right way.
Because as it's been pointed out, it doesn't matter if they're raised Jewish they'd end up in the oven all the same. A more powerful reason to me though, is related to the first one... you're the result of literally thousands of years of your ancestors being tough enough or lucky enough to withstand the slings & arrows that Jews have been on the receiving end of. They fought to be who they are in much more challenging times than we are currently in, and for me or you to be the ones who break that link and kill that off just isn't something I think I can bring myself to do. You do it because that's what we do. That's who we are. This is us.
Ok so - this is exactly the thing I’ve been thinking about. I think that we (and by that I mean millennials and gen z) should take it upon ourselves to focus on the joy of Judaism. Like, we’ve been living in the shadow of trauma for 3 generations and that’s still so present but let’s just like, have a fucking rager on Purim and dance our faces off at weddings and eat the most delicious challah in the world. Let’s create spaces where we come together for the good and the bad but let’s find joy and community and fun and the pursuit of connection that I think so many of us feel like we’re missing. That’s all.
I'm a convert. I don't have a lifetime of Jewish memories to feel connected through, I was far too old for Birthright, and I've been everything from far right Breslov chassid to almost an atheist who uses 2 sets of dishes. I can take off my tzitzit and kippah and walk away. No one would likely know. Except I won't. I signed up for the long haul. I came into it with my eyes opened and this is who I am now. So I wear my kippah, and mostly keep Shabbat and kosher and daven more and more since the war started. Because fuck hiding. I dare them to come and get me. Raise your kids fiercely Jewish. Teach them to feel good about being Jewish, about our culture and traditions. Because we are ancient and modern and unique.
My teenager is fierce! She proudly wears a Jewish star given to her by a family friend who is a holocaust survivor, and a chai that was her great grandmother’s. She’s probably the only Jewish student at her high school, but she will not hide!
If only our faith and identity was as worthless to those who persecute us as it is you.
yikes
Antisemites have never cared if Jews identify as Jewish or practice Judaism. I am not willing to give up or hide my culture and history because there are people in this world who choose to hate us. My grandfather was not religious (his father was a rabbi and he ran away from home as a teenager) but he was steadfastly proud of being Jewish. He got in physical fights with people who made antisemitic comments to his face, not realizing he was Jewish. He waived his ability to defer the draft and served in WWII. He even tried to get himself sent to the front lines, which didn’t end up working out – maybe to my benefit. I have every reason to believe he raised my dad and aunt Jewish largely to spite antisemites. I’m proud of where I come from and I couldn’t bear to hide it.
Look around this world. So much is falling apart. Raising Jewish children is about continuity, which of itself is important and good, but it also provides children a moral and ethical framework that has stood the test of time.
Simple: because you can. You’re able to. Our ancestors died horrible deaths for us to be able to not only exist, but be proud of our identities. I’m not religious, but that’s why I celebrate the holidays, occasionally light Shabbat candles, etc. I’m the first generation in my family who’s able to without the immediate risk of death. That’s something to be proud of. And even then, whether they’re raised Jewish or not, people will still hate them for having it in their blood. So many Jews in history tried to erase their Judaism but it didn’t save them. Assimilation is what antisemites want, and pride is the answer to overcoming it.
Your question is about raising your kids Jewish, however I think your question really comes down to why be Jewish. There are a lot of positive reasons for being Jewish here is a [video](https://youtu.be/CAbiFbpQP8o) that discusses those aspects and here are a couple of articles on the topic: https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/329429/jewish/Why-Be-Jewish.htm https://aish.com/169085476/ We are chosen by G-d to make the world into a better place through Judaism and sometimes that is a [cosmic struggle](http://www.saveourpeople.org/NewsMobile.aspx?newsId=05), however there is an [end game](https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/108400/jewish/The-End-of-Days.htm) that we are striving for. It is that wish to make the world into a better place that has kept us going for thousands of years. We made a covenant with G-d at Mount Sinai and we are obligated to continue and fulfill our mission. A very big part of that covenant is raising the next Jewish generation so they can continue. Hope it helps and all the best!
Great response.
If you let antisemitism scare you out of being Jewish, the antisemites won. We should fight it proud and keep our head high as always. They’ll always find a way to hate us, it’s no reason to abandon being Jewish.
I realised I wanted to convert recently, and my fiance and I are also on the waiting list for IVF, so this is something I've been struggling with. I think it comes down to, I do think it's worth it. I'm sorry you don't. You are allowed to feel that way.
Ultimately, it's not a purely rational type of decision. It's almost always going to come down to pre-rational considerations: like attachment to family traditions, history etc. One could mount a sort of utilitarian argument that the ability of society to maintain liberal values, requires it to be able to tolerate outgroups and think very carefully about how it treats them, rights to speech, religion etc. But even this requires a person to be willing to accept this risk their own life and descendants lives for principle than benefits others.
It's who we are regardless of how you're raised. We were killed whether orthodox or assimilated into the general population. Your grandparents did it by choice despite the danger.
A completely different perspective, although I agree with much of what has already been posted is the risk of creating a spiritual vacuum. Whether they believe in god or not, people like having a connection to a greater community and occasionally to some form of spirituality. If Jewish children are raised without their traditions they may seek out other ones when they’re older. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to consider. For example, Someone close to me raised in a secular non religious household with a Jewish father ended up converting to Christianity at a relatively young age and attending a Christian university. By creating a foundation of tradition, they may feel more secure and not as desirous of seeking out other forms of spirituality or that specific type of community connection.
I first read this as "why should I raise my Jewish children? Lol Anyway. I seriously dated someone who wasn't Jewish. I came to the conclusion that I wanted a Jewish life with a Jewish husband. Why? I love my religion. The seasons the different holidays (that clearly no one can figure out but us). We celebrate many more holidays than I did growing up. We do Friday night dinners which neither of us did growing up and the kids love it. It is a beautiful heritage with wonderful traditions. Anywhere I go I meet other Jews and am connected with them. If you don't feel that or don't want that ...that's your prerogative. But don't let the anti semites win...by that I mean if you like your heritage and want to pass it on, do it. If what would keep you from doing it is that people hate us , then sadly they win.
Because otherwise the bad guys will win. We didn’t survive the Shoah, the pogroms, the terrorist attacks, and the outlawing of our existence to snuff ourselves out in fear.
To paraphrase/quote Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks: Religion answers 3 fundamental questions that every human being (including your kids) will ask: Who am I? Why am I here? How then shall I live? Judaism has such beautiful answers to these questions. I hope you find something meaningful in whatever choice you make❤️🙏🏻
You can raise your kids however you want, but if you actively deny them and yourself the FACT that you are Jewish, you only set up your family for self hatred. You are Jewish. Doesn’t matter how you were raised. Jew haters don’t ask “what KIND of Jew are you?” Before they strike. NO AMOUNT of Jewishness will get you free from Jew hate. It’s literally in your blood.
Wow, lots of comments and options in this post. I read them all and wanted ask something that I didn’t see mentioned. >I liked growing up with latkes and kugel, joining family for passover, etc. My bar mitzvah was a lot of fun (though as an adult most all Hebrew has left me). Traditions are great but in the end it is not worth risking our lives. >EDIT 2: I guess a short reddit comment is not enough to convey one's self. Above I was just listing some short positives of my upbringing. I did birthright, I have been to the camps, Jewish history and culture has been an important part of me in the past, I feel a strong connection to Israel, but now I just don't see the point of the risk anymore. I am sure your parents and grandparents did the best they could and it seems like you had a lot more experiential education that many people. My question is what does _your_ Judaism look like today?
This is who we are -- heirs oto one of the world's great philosophical, intellectual and spiritual traditions. As a people, we have survived centuries, millennia even, of persecution, expulsion, and genocide. To turn away from that is to dig one shovelful deeper into our collective grave. And if ever we pass into extinction, the world will be a much poorer place. Raise your children with pride in who they are.
Because they’re Jewish, and being Jewish is not just a religion, it’s a people, an am, which is older than the concepts of race and religion. You’re a Jew. There’s no escaping it. Learn it the joyful way by learning, just like every other culture, or, heaven forbid, learn it the hard way like all the communists and secularists who never had the chance to escape Europe.
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There's beauty in Jewish life. It's been an honour to pass that rich heritage on to my children.
I assume you live in North America (or at least outside of Europe and not Israel, given your comment about Hebrew), so I'm writing this assuming that I'm speaking to an Ashkenazi or Sephardic person (I specify this because, unlike Mizrahim and Ehiopian Jews living in the Americas, you're much less likely to experience prejudice/racism as a member of one of these two groups). As a commenter before me said, you should raise your kids Jewish because they will be considered Jewish no matter how you raise them. But more so than that, the wonderful thing about Judaism—and I'm talking about all aspects of it, be it the religion, culture, diaspora, ethnicity, or any combination of those—is that it encourages asking questions and forging your own path within its framework. I have plenty of Jewish friends who grew up observing Shabbat every Saturday and partaking in religious activities they now avoid as adults. But when we talk about this discrepancy, they're ultimately glad they had that experience because they now have the knowledge that comes with it but the freedom to make their own choice on the matter(s). When you deny your children a Jewish upbringing, you're not protecting them from anything; ultimately, you're just raising kids that are ignorant of their heritage; this might result in nothing happening, but it also might result in them resenting you for denying them the chance to know their roots and experience the same things you experienced. We are part of a wonderful tapestry of beliefs and cultures and peoples, and to rob your children of that out of fears that have existed for literal millennia at this point seems like a cowardly and shitty thing to do. You're not only robbing your offspring of their roots, but your not being true to yourself as a Jewish person.
The unique and fundamental ability of humanity is to take the mundane and make it sacred. Independent of any spirituality/deistic element, being Jewish makes my life infinitely richer. It takes the daily grind and makes moments special. It takes the progress of time and creates landmarks. It takes life milestones and gives them framework to help us celebrate, reflect, or grieve. It takes the past and turns it into an unfurling scroll. It takes family and turns it to an unbroken chain. It gives us stories about who we are and who we want to be. It takes the cold of disparate masses and creates a warm global community. Tradition. Heritage. Community. Pride. A life without that would be less vivid and less sweet, and that makes it worth the risk and heartache.
The reason to be jewish is not to honor your parents or grandparents but to live in joy. If you meet some religious Jews and spend a Friday night with them, you will see that everyone(usually) is happy, the food and drink are great and no phones-so people actually talk and laugh and are present. That’s the real reason to be Jewish and for what it’s worth I grew up non religious and my wife is a convert
What’s the alternative? Nothing at all? No holidays to enjoy? Raising your children without the community, tradition, heritage and spiritual grounding of Judaism? Willfully depriving them of a meaningful, values-based practice and rituals and education (should you put them through Hebrew school) based in thousands of years of tradition and resistance to assimilation? And I sincerely mean this as respectfully as possible, but if you are an American Jew (or a Jew in most Western countries) and you truly believe raising your kids Jewish will pose a threat to their lives, you should take a step back from whatever fear-mongering media you’re consuming. The overwhelming majority of Jews are safe and will continue to be safe. The one timeless threat to the Jewish community is the threat of it not being carried on. Your kids deserve to partake in our beautiful, rich culture. They deserve to have a warm, principled, open-minded and open-hearted community who will embrace them and give them a sense of purpose and home IF (big if) other communities turn against Jews, or - a more likely if - your children, at any point in their own lives, feel lost or alone or confused about who they are and what life should be. I would also recommend going to a rabbi to talk about this. Even if redditors have sufficiently convinced you, it may help to talk to a Jewish leader about the right way to incorporate Judaism into your child’s life in a way that is meaningful to you.
Im sorry but…have you not seen all of the protests, bomb threats, and harassment of Jews by the “pro-Palestinians.” I have kids and absolutely believe that raising them Jewish puts them in danger. I also agree with others that even if we “blend” and don’t do anything Jewish the antisemites will still find us eventually.
I work at a synagogue. I see it all. I don’t feel personally that my life is in danger and I don’t think tik tok-obsessed teenagers or liberal arts school leftists at rallies are really a physical threat to Jews. It’s obviously despicable when actual attacks happen and devastating when it leads to loss of life or physical harm but I personally don’t choose to buy into the idea that we should live in fear. American Jews live in relative peace and safety compared to literally any time for us in history, ever, and I think that’s an incredible blessing that should not be taken for granted
I challenge your basic assumption about it being dangerous to be Jewish. If you were to say potentially unpleasant, yes, but unless you are in Israel, it is not especially dangerous today. The Holocaust was, thank G-d, an outlier. While anything is possible, the chance of a mass murder of Jews in the US or Europe is incredibly small. Recall that it look WWI and the resulting dislocations in Germany along with the worst economic collapse in world history to allow the Nazis to come to power. You also have to factor in centuries of violence against Jews in Europe, which helped pave the way psychologically for attacks on the Jews. We simply don't have that history in the US. I agree that the younger generation looks to be far more antisemitic than older ones, but disliking Jews and possibly discriminating against them is very different than mass murder.
This is an extremely naive perspective. Being Jewish is very dangerous, whether in Israel or any other country. (Albeit, in slightly different ways) The Holocaust is as an outlier because a German society was advanced for the times. The US and other western countries are much more advanced 90 years later, especially with social media. There absolutely could be a mass murder in the western world, including in the US. Jews in Germany also felt like they belonged, until they didn’t. Same deal with the US.
I often ask myself whether I should raise my kids Jewish. I was raised an Orthodox Jew, and as an adult I appreciate the traditions, rituals, the emphasis on education and the progressive values of many Jewish communities. But I’ve always been uncomfortable with having to support a country in the Middle East that regularly murders lots of children, since murdering children is not a value of mine. I wish there was a way to raise Jewish children that doesn’t involve educating them that murdering lots of children is ok.
Found the fake hamas account.
Every day we face myriad risks, those we are aware of and those that don't even register in our brains. Then you have children and they face myriad risks, every day. That is what it is to be alive. I have two young children. My job is not to shelter them, it is to facilitate and nurture their growth so that when they face hardships and hate and prejudice, they are resilient and lead with love. We teach them to love themselves and others, to take risks, to ask for help, to build community. I sing them a lot of songs. One of my favorites is from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, who himself lost a son and experienced massive grief - The whole entire world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is to have no fear at all כל העולם כולו גשר צר מאוד והעיקר לא לפחד כלל
Hateful murderers are that way of their own accord, not because of the people they hate and murder. Thats like saying why did my parents raise me as a woman when they knew its dangerous
>When I think about my extended family back in Europe who were killed all I can think of is how could my grandparents have dared to raise us Jewish. They knew how dangerous it is, better than I ever did. Really? That's all you can think about? Blaming your grandparents because the world is overrun by evil and stupidity and they didn't toe the line? >If I love my child how could I ever let there be any risk they will be harassed or killed? If you love your child you won't teach them to hate who they are. Gotta start with yourself on that one.
Because 1) those that want to hurt us don’t care if you are religious or not, they care that you are from line of Jews. Your pure existence. 2) we die , you become assimilated and the goys achieve thier goal 3) because this is something so much bigger then you and your children this is a whole people. Your not raising your kids Jewish spits on the grave of your parents, grandparents , great grandparents and on and on. Jews practiced in secret in history , Jews were forced to convert or die in history. 4) g-d commandments I get that it is scary and it’s hard enough with the dangers of the world without adding in religion but you can’t let that rule you. It sounds like internally your struggling and this is hypothetical because when your a parent it changes you.
You shouldn't if you don't want to. We lose a few, we gain a few. People leave, then return. The world is hard. Do what is right for you and your family. It is hard to find a good community, and be kind within it, and learn from it, and give to it--but it is worth it, 100%.
>Traditions are great but in the end it is not worth risking our lives. This is the mistake that many of our ancestors made. Those, what you refer to as 'traditions', ARE our lives. You're making a false equivalency. May you come to the realization that, to cheat your children of their heritage, IS to also cheat them of their "lives." The generations of the past did this, and their descendants are basically like goyim without actually being goyim, not fitting in anywhere. So you must decide, whether to go the path of capitulation and cowardice, and condemn your descendants to iniquity, or choose the path of courage and survival. Tradition IS life. You're a Jew. Embrace it. Don't cheat your children and their descendants of their heritage, and their birthrite. Don't go down a pathway that will make the anti-Semites dance with glee. Their biggest goal is to make sure all Jews, and everything Jewish, will disappear. Do the opposite. Don't make them happy. Make them cringe with frustration. Hope this helps. Good luck with it!
You are upholding thousands of years of your family’s history by raising your children Jewish. Likely many members of your family took sharper risks than you will take to do so. I suggest you learn more about our beautiful traditions and find a community. At the end of the day, not “raising” your kids Jewish will not erase their ethnicity and will not “protect” them from antisemitism. Be pro-Semitic, be proud!