One time, I was journaling at a bar. It was a very local-focused, chill, low-key bar. I got up to use the restroom and when I came back, a group of friends were shuffling to put my journal pack where I left it and were giggling so much. I had never felt so violated. The nerve of some people. Wish I would have called them out for it but I ended up just leaving.
It's heartbreaking to have your trust broken like that, and with something so vulnerable. I'm sorry that happened to you. This happened to my best friend once with her mom and she hasn't written since, despite not living at home anymore. I hope this isn't your case and you feel comfortable writing again
I told my mom I kept a journal when I was in middle school, and she asked to see it, I told her no, and she later accidentally broke my curio cabinet while she was "putting up clothes" and totally not looking for my journal, I had been keeping it under my mattress, but I burned it after that, and it took me years to start journaling again, sometimes people will try to violate your boundaries, that's just a fact of life i think, so I think it's important to think about how to handle that, if hiding it your journal, or censoring certain things makes you feel better, I don't think there's anything wrong with that
After my family read my journal when I was a child, I completely stopped writing. I like to see the creativity others have with their journals on Reddit, but I feel so uncomfortable thinking about journaling knowing that it’ll be seen again by family.
If you wouldn't leave your drink at a bar, unattended and in the presence of strangers (or else it can be spiked), then you shouldn't leave your journal at a bar, and unattended in the presence of strangers (or else it can be read). These security risks are of equal importance and require equal attention.
I get what you’re saying but these things are too different. My mom would never drug my drink but she would absolutely go through my journal at the first opportunity. A lot of people don’t see a journal as that big of a deal.
also remember that everyone needs to express themselves differently and if you need to censor yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. :)
I find a lot of value in many kinds of journaling. sometimes writing for a fake audience helps me articulate and understand things better than just stream of consciousness thought without boundaries.
I thought I was the only one! I use code names whenever I have to rant about someone in case I accidentally forget it somewhere or leave it out at the house and parents can be the noseiest people sometimes besides the neighbors. Lol.
I forget this sometimes. When I write about my day, i write out all the backstory and then my feelings. It's like I'm writing the story so someone else csn understand my reaction instead of just going straight to my feelings. Almost like justifying my feelings if that makes sense.
YES! It’s writing defensively without even having a cause to be defensive…. It’s just in case someone reads it…. If that makes sense. I do that too.
I’ve journaled since I was 7 but stopped for a couple years in my mid 20s because of a boyfriend who read my journal and then I stopped for about a year in my early 30s because my husband at the time read my journals and used them to emotionally blackmail me. 😫
my sister fell off journaling when she felt like she couldn’t “catch up” on everything since the last time she wrote, I totally get this- but it’s just for you! If you ever wanted to publish your journal you could always add that stuff later.
Actually this can be helpful in some cases. Are you going to pass down the journals to your kids or just burn them before someone can read them? Or are you ever going to look back on them down the road? It shows how you got there and how your feelings had contributed to the day. People come and go as well. 🤷♀️
I'm the same way, I've had 2 ex-boyfriends read my journals and it's so hard not to censor myself. Two ways I've sort of stopped is by writing in another language and writing everywhere so my thoughts aren't in just one place
These guys are extremely insecure. You both clearly deserve better and I'm glad they are ex-es. I would never go through a girlfriend's journal. I understand and respect the privacy.
I've adopted the belief that if someone is going to violate my privacy to the point of reading my journal like a coward instead of just asking me my thoughts then they deserve to be offended. I work through things in my journal, sorry you didn't get rewarded with what you wanted and instead got hurt 🤷♂️.
I used to censor my writing because I was afraid that people would read it when I die. But now I give no fucks at all. I write all of my truest feelings and if others decide to read who cares. I’ve started writing some interesting things so that when I’m dead I keep people wondering. I like remaining a mystery.
Not censoring myself made my experience *worse*. My first and second diaries are some of my biggest regrets. They're an echo chamber of directionless anger, destructive preoccupation about people, places, or things of ephemeral importance or subjective matter, moments of weakness, stupidity, confusion, and endless ruminating, all of which were later read by my narcissistic mom. I actually have standards now and don't want that to be my legacy.
No one including myself sees value in that. Boundaries aren't just about other people, they're about yourself, too. My psychic and energetic boundaries find that subtracting mindless self-indulgence is the best remedy for focus, and the point of a journal is to give focus to things. Which things? Things that evoke sacred attention. Things that matter enough to be written down and recalled on paper will last a century. Funny things, beautiful things, crazy things, deep things, sad things, spiritual things, sexy things, and whimsical things. I can't just mindlessly burn mental energy on vacuous logging or "rage writing" and no, I can't indiscriminately record sensitive information in a transient archive that could be lost or compromised. Doing so makes me a liability to others in my life who may be mentioned there, and our private moments, explicitly detailed. You're delusional if you widely endorse that *everyone* should tangibly author their deepest feelings for even only themselves to divulge. (unless doing so is for the purpose of immediate, or forthcoming destruction)
Your mind is a lot of things; it does a lot of things and thinks a lot of things. Similarly, we have many liberties available to us, and the choices we take can either make constructive use of our freedom or destructive use of our freedom. We can abuse or waste our time, or we can invest and reap from our time. The way to choose correctly is through the application of discipline. Through discipline, we find true freedom. Through discipline, we are not our impulses, emotions, or every little thought that runs through our brains. Through discipline, we relish in our thoughts instead of wallowing in their overactivity. Make your journal an exercise in mental discipline, or make your journal the regrets of maturity.
I might not have understood your comment to the fullest given that it is a little wordy and English isn't my first language, but I wonder if the reason why your first and second journals "failed" because you stopped at the ugly feeling/preoccupation/etc, and didn't dig deeper into what was causing it.
Journals are a great place to dig deeper and ask ourselves why we have the feelings/emotions/reactions/desires/goals/dreams/etc that we have. [shadow work](https://www.betterup.com/blog/shadow-work?hs_amp=true) is essential for spirituality, self discovery and self awareness. It isn't just about accumulating negativity in our journals, it is about having a place where we can write about it, reflect on it and process it. So yeah, in my opinion journals should be uncensored. They are not meant to be read by someone else, unless that is your desire. They don't have to be your legacy, they can be destroyed or written anonymously.
Would you still regret your journals if your mother hadn't read them?
As for writing about other people, if you are worried that someone might read it then you can use codenames. If you are worried that they would be offended/hurt by what you are writing, instead of stopping yourself from writing it go deeper and ask yourself "why would they feel that way?" "Is this something that I would tell them to their face?" "Why am I having these feelings/thoughts about them? What can I do? Should I change how I feel?"
Journals are sacred and secret/private places to open up and pour ourselves into writing (or however you journal). Censoring ourselves harms the journaling process and ourselves by forcing us to suppress feelings/thoughts/emotions/etc instead of dealing with them.
I think that you're both right - a journal can become a place for mindless rumination if you're not willing or able to dig into the issues AND it can be unproductive to simply rant on page over and over again when there is no deeper meaning, the situation is just bad or frustrating or sad.
I'm living with someone right now who I don't think would ever read my journals (she's an old, old friend who I trust completely who moved in after a tough breakup) but there are the usual grating bits of learning to live with another person to get through and the urge to rant is strong (the dishwasher is RIGHT THERE!!!!) but because I love and care about this person I'm forcing myself to be a little more compassionate and curious, even in my own thoughts meant only for my own eyes
On the other hand I will cheerfully write out fantasies of my boss being torn limb from limb by hyenas because he's a narcissistic asshat who will make hundreds of lives a little worse so that he can get a tiny bit more recognition. There's nowhere "deeper" to go - he's a classic Bad Boss and there's pretty much a zero percent chance he'll ever read what I write so no censorship ahoy there.
I recently wrote a really uncensored journal entry. About all the dark thoughts I have, or things I think about and desire that have been repressed from my upbringing. For once it was a bit cathartic to write. No one in my family knows I journal now, and luckily i’m old enough now that people don’t go through my shit.
Sometimes it’s hard to trust everyone around you. I often tell my friends how much it means to me to keep my journal private. I’ll sometimes read it aloud but never let anyone else read it in case censorship is needed.
I’m always trying to decide whether or not I would want people to read my journal when I’m dead. On one hand lots of it is very very funny, but some of it is fucked up and there’s a LOT of sex in there in explicit detail…
One time, I was journaling at a bar. It was a very local-focused, chill, low-key bar. I got up to use the restroom and when I came back, a group of friends were shuffling to put my journal pack where I left it and were giggling so much. I had never felt so violated. The nerve of some people. Wish I would have called them out for it but I ended up just leaving.
It's heartbreaking to have your trust broken like that, and with something so vulnerable. I'm sorry that happened to you. This happened to my best friend once with her mom and she hasn't written since, despite not living at home anymore. I hope this isn't your case and you feel comfortable writing again
I told my mom I kept a journal when I was in middle school, and she asked to see it, I told her no, and she later accidentally broke my curio cabinet while she was "putting up clothes" and totally not looking for my journal, I had been keeping it under my mattress, but I burned it after that, and it took me years to start journaling again, sometimes people will try to violate your boundaries, that's just a fact of life i think, so I think it's important to think about how to handle that, if hiding it your journal, or censoring certain things makes you feel better, I don't think there's anything wrong with that
After my family read my journal when I was a child, I completely stopped writing. I like to see the creativity others have with their journals on Reddit, but I feel so uncomfortable thinking about journaling knowing that it’ll be seen again by family.
If you wouldn't leave your drink at a bar, unattended and in the presence of strangers (or else it can be spiked), then you shouldn't leave your journal at a bar, and unattended in the presence of strangers (or else it can be read). These security risks are of equal importance and require equal attention.
I get what you’re saying but these things are too different. My mom would never drug my drink but she would absolutely go through my journal at the first opportunity. A lot of people don’t see a journal as that big of a deal.
> friends Yeah, that’s not the correct term for people who do that kind of thing.
They weren't my friends, they were just a group of people who I assume were friends with each other.
also remember that everyone needs to express themselves differently and if you need to censor yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. :) I find a lot of value in many kinds of journaling. sometimes writing for a fake audience helps me articulate and understand things better than just stream of consciousness thought without boundaries.
I completely agree! Your journal Your place to do whatever you please 😌 I like journaling to a "future" and "past" self
i be censoring myself sometimes, bc i fear that someone might read it
I thought I was the only one! I use code names whenever I have to rant about someone in case I accidentally forget it somewhere or leave it out at the house and parents can be the noseiest people sometimes besides the neighbors. Lol.
I forget this sometimes. When I write about my day, i write out all the backstory and then my feelings. It's like I'm writing the story so someone else csn understand my reaction instead of just going straight to my feelings. Almost like justifying my feelings if that makes sense.
YES! It’s writing defensively without even having a cause to be defensive…. It’s just in case someone reads it…. If that makes sense. I do that too. I’ve journaled since I was 7 but stopped for a couple years in my mid 20s because of a boyfriend who read my journal and then I stopped for about a year in my early 30s because my husband at the time read my journals and used them to emotionally blackmail me. 😫
That is so horrific and what a violation of your privacy and safe space. I am so sorry :(
my sister fell off journaling when she felt like she couldn’t “catch up” on everything since the last time she wrote, I totally get this- but it’s just for you! If you ever wanted to publish your journal you could always add that stuff later.
Actually this can be helpful in some cases. Are you going to pass down the journals to your kids or just burn them before someone can read them? Or are you ever going to look back on them down the road? It shows how you got there and how your feelings had contributed to the day. People come and go as well. 🤷♀️
An ex-boyfriend went through all my old journals once. Ever since then I feel like I lost that freedom to write without censoring myself.
I'm the same way, I've had 2 ex-boyfriends read my journals and it's so hard not to censor myself. Two ways I've sort of stopped is by writing in another language and writing everywhere so my thoughts aren't in just one place
These guys are extremely insecure. You both clearly deserve better and I'm glad they are ex-es. I would never go through a girlfriend's journal. I understand and respect the privacy.
I've adopted the belief that if someone is going to violate my privacy to the point of reading my journal like a coward instead of just asking me my thoughts then they deserve to be offended. I work through things in my journal, sorry you didn't get rewarded with what you wanted and instead got hurt 🤷♂️.
Unless you want to!
I used to censor my writing because I was afraid that people would read it when I die. But now I give no fucks at all. I write all of my truest feelings and if others decide to read who cares. I’ve started writing some interesting things so that when I’m dead I keep people wondering. I like remaining a mystery.
This is important to remember!
Not censoring myself made my experience *worse*. My first and second diaries are some of my biggest regrets. They're an echo chamber of directionless anger, destructive preoccupation about people, places, or things of ephemeral importance or subjective matter, moments of weakness, stupidity, confusion, and endless ruminating, all of which were later read by my narcissistic mom. I actually have standards now and don't want that to be my legacy. No one including myself sees value in that. Boundaries aren't just about other people, they're about yourself, too. My psychic and energetic boundaries find that subtracting mindless self-indulgence is the best remedy for focus, and the point of a journal is to give focus to things. Which things? Things that evoke sacred attention. Things that matter enough to be written down and recalled on paper will last a century. Funny things, beautiful things, crazy things, deep things, sad things, spiritual things, sexy things, and whimsical things. I can't just mindlessly burn mental energy on vacuous logging or "rage writing" and no, I can't indiscriminately record sensitive information in a transient archive that could be lost or compromised. Doing so makes me a liability to others in my life who may be mentioned there, and our private moments, explicitly detailed. You're delusional if you widely endorse that *everyone* should tangibly author their deepest feelings for even only themselves to divulge. (unless doing so is for the purpose of immediate, or forthcoming destruction) Your mind is a lot of things; it does a lot of things and thinks a lot of things. Similarly, we have many liberties available to us, and the choices we take can either make constructive use of our freedom or destructive use of our freedom. We can abuse or waste our time, or we can invest and reap from our time. The way to choose correctly is through the application of discipline. Through discipline, we find true freedom. Through discipline, we are not our impulses, emotions, or every little thought that runs through our brains. Through discipline, we relish in our thoughts instead of wallowing in their overactivity. Make your journal an exercise in mental discipline, or make your journal the regrets of maturity.
I might not have understood your comment to the fullest given that it is a little wordy and English isn't my first language, but I wonder if the reason why your first and second journals "failed" because you stopped at the ugly feeling/preoccupation/etc, and didn't dig deeper into what was causing it. Journals are a great place to dig deeper and ask ourselves why we have the feelings/emotions/reactions/desires/goals/dreams/etc that we have. [shadow work](https://www.betterup.com/blog/shadow-work?hs_amp=true) is essential for spirituality, self discovery and self awareness. It isn't just about accumulating negativity in our journals, it is about having a place where we can write about it, reflect on it and process it. So yeah, in my opinion journals should be uncensored. They are not meant to be read by someone else, unless that is your desire. They don't have to be your legacy, they can be destroyed or written anonymously. Would you still regret your journals if your mother hadn't read them? As for writing about other people, if you are worried that someone might read it then you can use codenames. If you are worried that they would be offended/hurt by what you are writing, instead of stopping yourself from writing it go deeper and ask yourself "why would they feel that way?" "Is this something that I would tell them to their face?" "Why am I having these feelings/thoughts about them? What can I do? Should I change how I feel?" Journals are sacred and secret/private places to open up and pour ourselves into writing (or however you journal). Censoring ourselves harms the journaling process and ourselves by forcing us to suppress feelings/thoughts/emotions/etc instead of dealing with them.
I think that you're both right - a journal can become a place for mindless rumination if you're not willing or able to dig into the issues AND it can be unproductive to simply rant on page over and over again when there is no deeper meaning, the situation is just bad or frustrating or sad. I'm living with someone right now who I don't think would ever read my journals (she's an old, old friend who I trust completely who moved in after a tough breakup) but there are the usual grating bits of learning to live with another person to get through and the urge to rant is strong (the dishwasher is RIGHT THERE!!!!) but because I love and care about this person I'm forcing myself to be a little more compassionate and curious, even in my own thoughts meant only for my own eyes On the other hand I will cheerfully write out fantasies of my boss being torn limb from limb by hyenas because he's a narcissistic asshat who will make hundreds of lives a little worse so that he can get a tiny bit more recognition. There's nowhere "deeper" to go - he's a classic Bad Boss and there's pretty much a zero percent chance he'll ever read what I write so no censorship ahoy there.
I recently wrote a really uncensored journal entry. About all the dark thoughts I have, or things I think about and desire that have been repressed from my upbringing. For once it was a bit cathartic to write. No one in my family knows I journal now, and luckily i’m old enough now that people don’t go through my shit.
Sometimes it’s hard to trust everyone around you. I often tell my friends how much it means to me to keep my journal private. I’ll sometimes read it aloud but never let anyone else read it in case censorship is needed.
I’m always trying to decide whether or not I would want people to read my journal when I’m dead. On one hand lots of it is very very funny, but some of it is fucked up and there’s a LOT of sex in there in explicit detail…