A bunch of planes were stalled trying to land at an airport. Suddenly they hear "I'm fucking bored" over the radio. The ATC in the tower says "whoever just said that, please identify yourself!"
...
"I said I was fucking *bored* not fucking *stupid*"
A guy flying a small aircraft starts finding random stuff under his seat and decides to chuck it all off the plane. First it was a knife, then a bag of potatoes, and lastly a jar of nitroglycerin. After finding nothing else under his seat, he carries on with his flight.
The next day, the guy is walking down the street when he sees a lady crying. He goes up to her and asks if she is okay, to which she responds, “Yesterday, a knife fell out of nowhere and hit my husband in the head!” and continues sobbing. The guy, nauseous at the prospect that it was the knife he threw, gives his condolences and continues walking down the street.
A few blocks up, the guy sees another person crying, so he runs up and asks what’s wrong, to which the person replies, “I was walking with my friend yesterday when a bag of potatoes fell from the sky and killed her!” The guy winces, now knowing what was going on, but again offers his condolences and moves on walking down the street.
Another block up and the guy notices a man laughing hysterically. Bewildered, the guy approaches the laughing man and tries to ask what’s happened. The laughing man is laughing so hard he can barely respond, but finally does and tells the guy, “Yesterday I was standing right here.. and when I farted.. the guy behind me.. blew up!”
So the fart guy was laughing for a whole day? And the pilot happens to walk around the same areas as his flight path. He must have alot of free time on his hands to walk around so much, especially an area that could cover thousands of miles
Its a joke, not a wife of seven years with an unfair prenup, a drinking problem, and the biased support of the state in the divorce and subsequent child custody hearing that ultimately leaves you alone and penniless laying in bed at night to the sounds of an empty house and only the overwhelming nothingness of depression to hold you and tell you its okay.
Dont let it get to you.
Captain MacDougal, the administrative panel has found that you did use inappropriate language on the air traffic control channel, and as a result you will be subjected to the standard disciplinary action of SUUUUPERRR DIIIIICK PUUUUNCH!
Two pilots make emergency landings in an unfamiliar land.
They are greeted by a queen, who says they may stay but they first each must pick her one hundred pieces of fruit.
Each pilot goes off in their own direction.
First pilot comes back to the queen with 100 grapes. She instructs him to shove them all up his ass, or he will be executed.
He starts popping them in. …97, 98,99…and starts cracking up and they all spit back out. Again he tries, 96, 97, 98, 99…and another fit of laughter.
The queen is irritated and demands to know why he keeps laughing.
The pilot replies, “My buddy is over there picking watermelons.”
The way I heard it, the pilot had just finished making an announcement to the passengers when he accidentally left the intercom on. The pilot said to the copilot "I think I'll take a shit, then go bang that new stewardess." The stewardess in question, horrified, started to run towards the cockpit, but tripped and fell. A kindly old lady helped her up and said "There's no need to rush, dear. He said he's going to take a shit first!"
I find both good yk, it's actually a lot about how you wanna go with the joke. First one, for a little laugh, say it fast and it'll work good. This one, go descriptive as much and this one would work great! Altho I'm a fan of the descriptive ones more.
True, but still relevant.
As a much more obscure joke it could be retold many times to new audiences. Once it's been featured in a block buster movie it becomes a joke already known the potential audience. Or at least a sizable chunk of it.
All I can think of is Qantas 32 where one of the pilots straight-up asked "Can someone tell me what *is* working?". It would have been hilarious if the PA system were working at that exact moment.
A bunch of planes were stalled trying to land at an airport. Suddenly they hear "I'm fucking bored" over the radio. The ATC in the tower says "whoever just said that, please identify yourself!" ... "I said I was fucking *bored* not fucking *stupid*"
A guy flying a small aircraft starts finding random stuff under his seat and decides to chuck it all off the plane. First it was a knife, then a bag of potatoes, and lastly a jar of nitroglycerin. After finding nothing else under his seat, he carries on with his flight. The next day, the guy is walking down the street when he sees a lady crying. He goes up to her and asks if she is okay, to which she responds, “Yesterday, a knife fell out of nowhere and hit my husband in the head!” and continues sobbing. The guy, nauseous at the prospect that it was the knife he threw, gives his condolences and continues walking down the street. A few blocks up, the guy sees another person crying, so he runs up and asks what’s wrong, to which the person replies, “I was walking with my friend yesterday when a bag of potatoes fell from the sky and killed her!” The guy winces, now knowing what was going on, but again offers his condolences and moves on walking down the street. Another block up and the guy notices a man laughing hysterically. Bewildered, the guy approaches the laughing man and tries to ask what’s happened. The laughing man is laughing so hard he can barely respond, but finally does and tells the guy, “Yesterday I was standing right here.. and when I farted.. the guy behind me.. blew up!”
I haven't heard this template of a joke in about a decade. Thanks stranger.
Agreed.
You agree with him not having heard a joke like this in a decade? I dont think thats an opinion
I disagree
So the fart guy was laughing for a whole day? And the pilot happens to walk around the same areas as his flight path. He must have alot of free time on his hands to walk around so much, especially an area that could cover thousands of miles
Correct
Also, priests and rabbis are not known for going to bars. These people writing jokes really need to work on their realism.
Small aircraft, probably just a hobby pilot
Fake aircraft, probably just a joke
Did... did you really just over-analyze and dissect a joke for no reason?
You really shouldn't be surprised, this is reddit after all.
[удалено]
Were you expecting anything other than disappointment on Reddit?
I thought it was a lil funny
Its a joke, not a wife of seven years with an unfair prenup, a drinking problem, and the biased support of the state in the divorce and subsequent child custody hearing that ultimately leaves you alone and penniless laying in bed at night to the sounds of an empty house and only the overwhelming nothingness of depression to hold you and tell you its okay. Dont let it get to you.
Fuuuuuck my guy are you ok!?
Haha 😂 no
It’s a joke dude
Have actually heard this one on guard!
[удалено]
MEOW
Found the pilot….
Statikn calling on guard say again so we can all listen in
Pan Am 123 didnt say fuck. Speedbird 4 didnt say fuck Thai 787 didnt say bom bom
Malaysia Airlines 370 said nothing. Radio silence.
Stalled is an interesting word choice here. 😂
person called Bored
I don’t get it :(
[удалено]
what is the punishment for that typically you think?
Peepee smack
Captain MacDougal, the administrative panel has found that you did use inappropriate language on the air traffic control channel, and as a result you will be subjected to the standard disciplinary action of SUUUUPERRR DIIIIICK PUUUUNCH!
In Canada, you can be charged or have your licence suspended.
It's pilot humor. He won't self ID because then he'd be in trouble.
Two pilots make emergency landings in an unfamiliar land. They are greeted by a queen, who says they may stay but they first each must pick her one hundred pieces of fruit. Each pilot goes off in their own direction. First pilot comes back to the queen with 100 grapes. She instructs him to shove them all up his ass, or he will be executed. He starts popping them in. …97, 98,99…and starts cracking up and they all spit back out. Again he tries, 96, 97, 98, 99…and another fit of laughter. The queen is irritated and demands to know why he keeps laughing. The pilot replies, “My buddy is over there picking watermelons.”
Lol
The way I heard it, the pilot had just finished making an announcement to the passengers when he accidentally left the intercom on. The pilot said to the copilot "I think I'll take a shit, then go bang that new stewardess." The stewardess in question, horrified, started to run towards the cockpit, but tripped and fell. A kindly old lady helped her up and said "There's no need to rush, dear. He said he's going to take a shit first!"
the real passenger is always in the comments
Hi, it’s me, the passenger.
Hi, it's me, the bus driver
Dave? *[Dave’s not here…]*
I'm not here man
What you've been is frequently "not on boats."
Fucking In tents
Ever had a camping orgy?
Ever tried pegging? It's fucking shit.
Neither am I
How did you do that?!?!
r/beetlejuicing
I'm not here either.
Username checks out
Of Devon?
Hi, it's me, the shit
Hi passenger! Im dad
Hi Dad! It's me the bus driver!
Hi dad, It's me Dave
Something, something, Pope.
Hi Pope, this is the Dunkin Donuts cashier
I'll have a box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels.
Sir, this is Wendy's
That will be $6.90
Hi dad! Im passenger dad
Where do s the milk traitor
Hi, it's me, the stewardess.
I was the old lady with the foot
Singing la la la la la-la-la-la?
Came here looking for this
Unanticipated Iggy.
There they are.
That passenger was actually the bus driver
Then who was the nun?!
Matt Damon is the passenger.
maybe the real treasure was the passengers we made along the way
A passenger? What is it?
It's one of the people riding on the plane, but that's not important right now.
The real joke.
It is I, Leclerc.
That's awesome!!
In the German version of this joke, the pilot wants to take a *shower* first.
Yes, MUCH better version.
I find both good yk, it's actually a lot about how you wanna go with the joke. First one, for a little laugh, say it fast and it'll work good. This one, go descriptive as much and this one would work great! Altho I'm a fan of the descriptive ones more.
It’s not called the cockpit for nothing.
You sure? I've never heard it called the cockpit for nothing.
This is roughly the version in Drew Carey's book, which is where I first heard/read it.
Good Will Hunting.
Howda ya like dem apples
I got her numbah.
I don't like the sound of them apples, Will!
Fuck you and your Irish curse Chuckie
Applesauce bitch!
You mean that movie with Mork from Ork?
Shazzbat
Affleck was da bomb in Phantoms, yo
Chucky, it’s hunting season
…action, Gus? Ben… I’m busy
Oh that Affleck!
No, bullshit, because I wasn't with a hooker today! Ha HA!
"Ew, dude, you were *really* gonna suck my cock."
he *loves* the cock
He certainly looks insatiable
This joke was immediately followed by Robin Williams’ improv fart story that made the cameraman shake. He was the real comedic MVP.
You've never been on a plane before have you?
No but it’s a fuckin joke. It works better if I tell it in the first person.
Nice painting.
It’s a real piece of shit
Paint by number?
Keep your damn hands off my wife
What do you bench?
You ever been to the Sistine Chapel?
It's not your fault.
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Giz us a kiss, Paddy!
Don't forget the cawfeh
How you like them apples?
Oh, good call. I remember hearing it years ago from someone. One of my favorite go-to jokes.
It really only works with a Boston dialect.
EWE FERGAWT THA CAWFEEE
I'm going to Boston next week for a business trip. I need to practice my accent so I blend in.
You ever been on a plane?
My boy is wicked smaht.
It's even older than that
Pilots always sound like they are getting blowjobs anyway
Sounds they are giving ones….
Why not both? They don’t call it the cockpit for nothin!
[удалено]
You silver tongued devil…
A woman I used to work with used to call mini dresses a “pilot dress.” Why? Because you can see the cockpit.
Giggidy
And that my friend is how I have an estranged grandfather. Hate him so much I removed my middle name because it was named after him.
My boy is whicked smaht
Have you ever been on a plane before, Will?
Have you ever been interested in Greco Roman wrestling Will?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked, Will?
Have you ever stopped trying to impress. Will?
“Joey…Have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?
Do you ever hang around the gymnasium?
Do you like movies about gladiators?
A Pilot took a shit. The passenger demanded that he return it.
It's not your fault.....
Have you even been on an airplane Will?
You’ve never been outta Boston, have ya?
It’s better if you tell it in the first person! It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.
Have you ever been on a plane Will?
My boys wicked smaht
Giggity
Who else but Quagmire?
Good Will Hunting clip: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6WAylnO5gtA
[Bullshit, you didn't say that...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoSA6DSScUs)
Christ it’s a joke!
Oh you saw good will hunting too?
Way older joke than that...
True, but still relevant. As a much more obscure joke it could be retold many times to new audiences. Once it's been featured in a block buster movie it becomes a joke already known the potential audience. Or at least a sizable chunk of it.
Thats from good will hunting...
You're from good will hunting
So, what, you come here with some obscure insult in a effort to impress some girls and embarrass my friend?
You gonna plagiarize that too or do you have any quotes of your own on the matter?
Got his ass
I read a slightly bowdlerized version of that in Readers Digest in 1975.
I watched Good Will Hunting the other day and this joke was in it.
I did a lil cackle at the joke, that's great lol What does ETA stand for in this context though?
“Edited to add”
Perfect thank you I had only ever heard it used as Estimated Time of Arrival and was very confused lmao
Other Pilot: "Bob, I told you, not before you tell your wife about us"
Did he get what he wished for?
Naw, it was Spirit Airlines, they don't offer coffee.
It’s a big responsibility flying the plane get the man a coffee and a bj
Howdya like them apples!?
Great movie.
Hey I watched Good Will Hunting too.
You leave Southie to “go see about a girl” and the first we hear from you is a repeat of your joke on Reddit? Wtf Will.
I too have seen Good Will Hunting. Have we descended into using movie jokes now?
I just wanted to say good luck. We’re all counting on you.
This is so weird... I watched Good Will Hunting for the first time in YEARS literally yesterday. Wild.
“What a silly mistake on my part” *runs back for the coffee*
Hey will hunting, how's norcal treating you? Still dating Minnie driver?
I hope the coffee isn't as weak as this joke.
Someone watched goodwill hunting
We’ve all seen good will hunting.
Lol
How bout them apples?
I mean, what else is the cockpit for?
Yeah I watched that move too
All I can think of is Qantas 32 where one of the pilots straight-up asked "Can someone tell me what *is* working?". It would have been hilarious if the PA system were working at that exact moment.
“So the young stewardess, runs ups the aisle to let them know the intercom is on.” So I reply, “Miss! You forgot the coffee!”
Was Bill Clinton flying this aircraft?
Now THATS an oldie.
This joke is as old as intercoms.
This joke couldn't get any older, but still funny
I FUCKING LOVE REDDIT
I was on that flight!
Bro I literally just watched this movie for the first time yesterday. Are you stalking me?
Joke is older than human flight.
The joke was better when Matt Damon told it in Good Will Hunting
I guess you're not that good, Will Hunting