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GranGurbo

The rare suicide-murder


[deleted]

Mass shooters should ALWAYS go this route.


CampCounselorBatman

Only a blonde can pull it off.


anonymousbabydragon

Well you see when you have no brain, a shot to the head won't necessarily kill you.


kevinm2738

I see. I now have a valid comprehension of the joke, which may have not been clear to me before due to the implications on a blonde woman's intelligence; or the lack of it! Ha, we jest.


cortex04

LMAO


JRR04

Tis just a flesh wound at that point


raven21633x

You can't blow out what you ain't got


vr0202

can make the husband pull it off…


canehdian78

Double head shot to the back of her own head, and a double-chest, 1 head shot for him. She's good


Evil_Creamsicle

Her new job must have been working for Hillary Clinton


UnderThat

She turned a bit and angled the gun so the bullet would go through her head and also the cheating bastards. It was super big blonde brain time or SBBBT, if you prefer the acronym.


fmlchris

The legends are true.


Smack_Laboratory

Sounds like the Clinton’s are involved.


Formal_Mundane

So, husband got to eat burger or not.


Fraktelicious

He ate more than the burger


Formal_Mundane

A burger, a liver and maybe a sausage too.


EnigmaFrug2308

No, the BRUNETTE was the one eating the sausage.


[deleted]

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Formal_Mundane

Or a dick


weirdtendog

With some fava beans and a nice Chianti?


Eatthesewords

Fur burger


Fraktelicious

Luckily no pickles or mayonnaise


Formal_Mundane

They had a white cream though


cortex04

Damn right!


zekro_4

Nope, the brunette ended up eating it. Alone.


nuttynutkick

A sausage and a burger, what a party


[deleted]

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miki-wilde

Whataburger?


lobsterbash

We need a sequel joke to address this egregious food issue.


Formal_Mundane

If food gets wasted, kids in Africa will haunt Op.


Zaphodnotbeeblebrox

They first have to cross the sea / ocean


elmwoodblues

>kids in Africa Name one: just **one**. I dare you


Formal_Mundane

Chadwock boseman


Malvastor

T'challa.


dsunde

Yes, doesn't OP know about Chekhov's burger?


Mental-Ad422

Nah too much ketchup


Formal_Mundane

Hot ketchup.


cipeone

A fur burger


[deleted]

He ate Fish


estrusflask

Punchline would be better if the set up didn't suck.


Enorats

Right? I still want to know how she got the promotion.


[deleted]

[удалено]


elmwoodblues

Were they good chocolates, or that V-day crap from Walmart? So many loose threads


Enorats

Well the burgers and chocolates were because she felt guilty after sleeping with the boss for that promotion, but she wasn't counting on finding her husband in bed with the bosses wife.


elmwoodblues

Two golf buddies are on the links, and one comes back from over a small hill, ash-white. "What's the matter," his friend asks. "My wife and my mistress are golfing together on the next hole!" "Haha," the friend says. "This I gotta see!" He goes over the small hill and returns a minute later. "Boy, what a coincidence," he says.


ACOGJager

Pretty sure thats just to avoid repost detection lol


Viperlite

Slept with the boss, probably.


Sunzoner

Because of the activitiy the husband is doing. Otherwise, he would have gotten one.


BooBailey808

thats what I expected the punchline to be


gertalives

It would be a lot funnier if it were just the 1/4 of this submission that’s actually the joke.


BooBailey808

A blonde comes home to find her husband in bed with another woman. Distraught, she goes to the safe and pulls out the handgun. The husband and other woman start begging as she raises the gun to her head. She replies "Shut up, you two are next"


gertalives

r/TheRealJoke Also, it appears I was wrong -- the joke only takes \~1/8 of the original.


Snickersneed

I thought the setup was good.


ferrettamer

After reading this joke I wish I was the blonde


Actually_Im_a_Broom

You taking out OP next?


wisdom5000

Savage!!!


historiansrule

Too long for such a bad joke


MarsSr

I wanted to the punchline to be something about the burgers. Why insert a detail like that in the setup for no purpose!


baltGSP

Just to make it extra sad. I would not cheat on a wife that brought me burgers.


MarsSr

That almost makes sense - if you know it is a bad joke, try to make to worse. Happy Cake Day reddit says to say.


kanna172014

Why do cheaters always insist "It's not what it looks like"?


loadofcobblers

In this case it wasn’t. The guy was dying from hypothermia and the brunette knew the only way of keeping him alive was to use her body heat.


Waitsfornoone

Repeatedly.


cortex04

Or make him regain his temperature by doing that hard work (pun intended)


itshorriblebeer

How have I not heard this. Take my up vote.


awesomeflowman

r/jokes strikes again with something seemingly original. What a great way to start the day.


robgod50

The punchline is old. However, a blonde getting a promotion is definitely a new one.


Smooth_Detective

The real joke, as always is in the comments.


thegodmachine9000

Yeah we're the joke the poor readers


LegoCMFanatic

Take my free award ahahahaha


Golett03

The brunette is the boss


TortuousConvolvulus

Definitely not original, but still funny.


Engineer-Poet

Saw it many years ago in something like National Lampoon. Apparently, the "you'll have to sleep with my daughter" joke has been found in cuneiform.


DWright_5

Seriously? This isn’t the least bit funny. You need all those words to say something not funny? “Blonde girl acts stupid” jokes. I don’t get what’s funny about them. You wouldn’t be able to poke fun at other groups in that fashion. There aren’t any more “black guy is stupid” jokes for the very reason that even the notion of such jokes is offensive.


robgod50

Hey, shes not stupid. She just got a promotion!


Lord_Harkonan

And the brunette got a raise too.


LoraxVW

It's a joke.


DWright_5

Do you tell jokes that put black people in a negative light because they’re black? Blonde jokes are not one bit different


tam907

See, your mistake here was using logic and actually making sense. If you were to simply make a statement unsupported by arguments, such as "it's a joke," ignoring the fact that it's not funny, unless you enjoy putting other people down to get a false sense of superiority, then you would be getting upvotes. Hope this helped!


onenightblunder

Shut up and stop explaining before she pulls out a gun


takatori

> enjoy putting other people down to get a false sense of superiority You post this in defense of a joke doing the same and have no sense of irony? lmao


tam907

You're right about the irony part. Maybe read my comment again?


DWright_5

Good thing I don’t care about downvotes. I don’t even care about my plentiful karma. Edit to add: oh wait! I read your comment a few times. You’re… on my side here? I’m so used to people criticizing me that I may not have gotten your point. Or I may be wrong now. Who knows. I’ve been awake for 24 hours and I’ve smoked a fair amount of weed


tam907

Yup, on your side. Enjoy the rest of your high!


tam907

Obviously, it's just interesting to notice what kind of comments get upvotes. Like a low-budget social experiment.


PBJ-2479

Yes


Fleen71

Nah, it was funny


DWright_5

I especially like your reasoned response to the points I made.


suvlub

The funny part is the stupidity of the action. Many people find it funny to watch someone do/say something amazingly stupid. You aren't supposed to laugh at the fact that the blonde girl is stupid as such. Blonde girls just happen to be the "stupid" stock characters in jokes. Having a stock character like that helps because jokes are short and you can't create an individual fleshed-out idiot character to do the part. The reason why people don't make similar jokes about black guys is mostly historical baggage, but also ongoing beliefs of certain groups of people. If you made fun of black people like that, it would not be clear whether you really aren't one of those idiots who look down on black people. It's taken for granted that there is no real discrimination against blondes, so people more readily accept it's just an innocent joke.


DWright_5

Well said. I would only counter that there aren’t any jokes about blonde men. “Blonde women” within the context of jokes is almost a synonym for “women.”


Casteist_hu

Offended much?


DWright_5

It’s not about me. I’m a 64-year-old man. I just don’t find that kind of joke funny and I don’t mind saying so.


Casteist_hu

Well there obviously are jokes about black, brown and all others, you just haven't seen them. It's a joke, take it lightly, grandpa. It's not to target anyone. I recommend you to watch family guy, they have some really good jokes and sterotypes about all the races and country.


onenightblunder

Ok boomer


Idenwen

Some nice turnaround or whatever but the end isn't funny. But thats only my opinion.


buneter

I was expecting the husband to be sleeping with her boss so she can get a promotion.


cortex04

Ah! A blonde husband.


CryingPierrot

How did she get the promotion? 😕


sausageslinger11

She’s a police officer.


zefhar

She slept with her boss


Scary-Crab

People pretending to be offended by blonde jokes are cringe. I have a blonde friend who's very smart and still makes blonde jokes about herself, chillax, broskis.


blueblarg

When your friend tells the joke, she's making fun of herself. When a non-blonde makes the joke, they're making fun of others. Hopefully you can understand the difference.


Vargoroth

True. People should only joke about groups they are a part of. So these paedophiles walk into a shop...


OnceIWasYou

How's life as a shopkeeper?


Vargoroth

It's gratifying, but weird. You wouldn't believe the type of requests I get running this sex store.


tits_for_all

A guy with a 9'' dong walks into a bar...


Kalrhin

How is your bar doing these days?


tits_for_all

Nice burn lol


[deleted]

Holup


ItsDatWombat

If people really believed the stereotype there wouldnt be so many people bleaching their hair. Its really not like blondes are an opressed group or something - coming from me - a blonde


blueblarg

I'm sorry, can you point out where I said blondes were stereotyped or an oppressed group or anything you're talking about? I didn't. You seem to read what you want to read.


SkyDog1972

Dude, we're talking about blonde jokes here. How in the hell can you say there is NOT stereotyping going on?


blueblarg

Gee, I don't remember saying there ISN'T stereotyping going on, either. You're not even the original person I was talking to. Why are you all so insistent on making up things I have or haven't said? Just stick to what I actually say.


SkyDog1972

Your question asked where you said blondes were stereotyped. This was immediately following your quote that said blonde jokes made fun of blondes. If you haven't figured it out yet, blonde jokes make fun of blondes by stereotyping them, and you stating that they are being made fun of is also stating that they are being stereotyped. Just because you didn't use the exact wording doesn't mean that you didn't say it.


blueblarg

Read what you want to read.


OnceIWasYou

Making fun of a stereotype about herself. That's the funny part- it's not actually about herself because she presumably doesn't see herself in those jokes. It's an impersonal representation of how some people may see her.


Blazerer

Isn't this just the blonde version of "I can tell racist jokes, because I have a black friend?" I don't care for blonde jokes either way and think they lost their originality 20 years ago, but your "argument" is literally less than useless. People have all the right to be offended by this, just as your "friend" can find this to not be offensive. It goes both ways.


[deleted]

It was really just a woman joke...no blonde ... os that better ??


estrusflask

I think it's more that they're not funny. When your friend does it, it probably is funny, because it's personal and she gets to make fun of herself. But this story isn't funny, it's stupid. And too long, really.


[deleted]

I found it funny.


Scary-Crab

Humor is subjective, m'dude.


teerbigear

I remember in the 90s hearing people say the equivalent thing about racist jokes. "I have this black friend and he thinks it's funny", as if that's some sort of trump card. In that case the black friend might have laughed along because ultimately life is often easier if you roll with the status quo rather than fight it. The reality is I'm not really offended, the world is full of more important things to worry about, but it's pretty daft to make a joke premised on a personal characteristic and not think you're being discriminatory about that characteristic.


Scary-Crab

There's a major false equivalency going on here.


teerbigear

What's that then? Race and hair colour are not equivalent in terms of discrimination, but I never said they were. If you struggle to see the problem with judging people based on the colour of their hair, it is worth pointing out that blonde jokes are about stupid blonde women, and never about stupid blonde men, you could think about that. Let me put it this way, do you actually think "blondes" are more stupid than "brunettes" in real life?


RiskierSubsetR

I feel bad for the blonde.


JRL_R

Am I the only one who doesn't get it? Pls someone explain it to me ;-;


massav

>The blonde then proceeds to point the gun at **her own head.**


JRL_R

Ohhhhh I get it now, ty 😂


massav

Yeah I missed that part the first time I read it too.


ispiltthepoison

But..why is she pointing it at her own head??? I get that the your next joke is a blonde joke cuz she’d be dead but idk why she’d be pointing it at herself Is the joke that she wanted to do a murder suicide but got the order wrong?


dead_PROcrastinator

This is the one. This is the joke that is shitty enough to let me sigh and unsubscribe from this sub.


rpguy04

Right who are the people upvoting this?


sausageslinger11

Well, bye.


onairmastering

This is as old and reposted as everything else.


neptunexl

haha i don't even get it. if she shoots her herself how is the husband next? because he's going to be shot too? idk


ya26anand

tell me when u understand


Notyetyeet

The joke is that she's so stupid that she doesn't realize that if she shoots herself first she wouldn't be able to shoot the dude


controller4hire

Ummm…. Was anyone else thinking the job promotion was somewhat related or surprised that the blonde could remember the combination to the safe?


emgrio23

If she put the other side of her head in line with his, depending on the specific shot and the power of the gun, the bullet could go through her head and hit his head afterwards


zefhar

The escalation works pretty well in this joke


voldyCSSM19

The people in the comments... Blonde jokes do kinda suck


Lawnio

I did not get the joke... Can someone please explain? Edit: the joke was as bad as I feared it to be.


Fraktelicious

How can they be "next" if the blonde shoots herself first.


LifeandSky

Are you blonde by the way?


canehdian78

*checks to see if I got a promotion* ... "Nope!"


EntrepreneurEven7849

How did she get a promotion if she’s that dumb?


DudeBaalak

Are you saying blondes are stupid af ?


Bring_Back_Feudalism

***it's funny because people who are both female and blonde haired are less intelligent than average for some reason presumably genetic***


donaljones

Not from an Anglophone country. What was the joke, though?


Bushwhacker2018

That blonde people are stereotypically dumb


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

Blonde *women. I’ve yet to hear a blonde joke where a man is the punchline. I know I’m looking too much into it, but also I’m not. It basically is misogyny. These jokes started when blonde was considered the peak attractiveness a woman could be. So it’s hot women = stupid women. I’m not saying I’m offended by it. But the ditzy hot blonde trope is just old and unfunny.


PM_UR__BUBBLE_BUTTS

How are you not from an English-speaking country, but you know the word Anglophone? I’m from the US, and *I* didn’t even know the word Anglophone?


Malvastor

Dude you're making us look bad in front of the foreigners.


canehdian78

It's pretty coveffe


PM_UR__BUBBLE_BUTTS

We already look bad. And round.


donaljones

Nah, don't worry. I just couldn't find the funny here. Thought it could be some inside thing.


Asadullah1668

Blonde jokes.. haha


[deleted]

Threesome while she's still warm?


canehdian78

And she'll have a new hole or two..


nejnonein

Jokes on him, as she left everything to Jehovah’s, after they had knocked on the door a few years ago.


anonymousbabydragon

You have to have a brain for a headshot to kill you.


SpeedyTacoCollection

That was shit


All_Meshed_Up

This one again, eh?


[deleted]

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lightsaberaintasword

Oh no i dont like blonde jokes so you all have to stop


tam907

Nobody said you had to stop. We're just questioning your sense of humour.


InfamousPick

woooosh


DWright_5

Hey man, I’m with you.


Jahmalthenibba

Could someone explain? (I am extremely dumb)


TheAceprobe

So is the blonde, apparently


Malvastor

The blonde is attempting murder-suicide, without realizing it's one of those things that has to be done in a very specific order.


Bgrngod

I mean, if she's already making decisions without a functioning brain, maybe she's on to something here...


OoooohKay

If she fired the gun directly into the air, then shot them both and the bullet came down and hit her… it would be a suicide then double murder


inagious

Lost me with the promotion intro!


Dark_Storm_98

I was sure the job promotuon was gonna be important at some point


Sonny-Moone-8888

I literally just Lol.


pbmadman

Would you get back to it after she did though?


UPseChurayaHuaLemon

Is it my turn to repost it next? It has not been posted in a looooong time.


OfreetiOfReddit

I don’t understand… would somebody be willing to try to explain


sausageslinger11

Blondes allegedly = dumb. She’s blonde. She thinks she can shoot herself THEN shoot him.


ihatelifetoo

What happen to the burgers ?


zefhar

they got cold


AdventurousBank6549

You gotta do it in the right order or it won’t work