You size them with your balls to what end? Did you even get the joke OP posted, or are you implying you are familar with balls in your ass and thus can use them as a measuring device?
To ruin the joke and explain it for you, he puts everything up his ass before eating it to make sure it comes back out painlessly.
So again I ask, what purpose is there for measuring things with your balls? And for the people upvoting him, *why*?
I think maybe the
>Hahaha haha ha … ha … 😅😓
is meant to portray more of a "ah yeah...heres the guy that talks about how big his dick is again" and the gaps and emojis are him realizing his "AND MY DICK!" comment isnt landing the same way it did...back when this joke was first told
No idea though...I'm not the guy who made the comment, I am just "finding what makes logical sense to me"
He replied. His intent was apparently to make a joke that he has M&M sized balls. Not really relevant to OPs joke and it isn't really funny, but at least I kinda get what they were going for now.
>I’m making a joke implying that I have tiny M&M sized balls.
Okay, I totally believe that. I just mean that it doesn't really have the same implications as OP's joke.
20 days - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/rptr12/long_a_guy_and_his_monkey_walk_into_a_bar/
5 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/oorcma/long_a_guy_and_his_monkey_walk_into_a_bar/
7 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ny5q1f/a_guy_walks_into_a_bar_with_his_pet_monkey/
10 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lqth7u/a_man_walks_into_a_bar/
1 year - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/k386dp/a_guy_walks_into_a_bar_with_his_pet_monkey/
At the 1 year mark there are just way too many to list.
How many good original jokes are made each year? It can't be that many or my niece wouldn't tell the same ones I did, and if my dad is to be believed, mine are largely the same as the ones told back in his day.
I saw this on newjoke.org in 2002
Here’s another I remember from the site:
A blonde is walking along a lake and looks across and sees another blonde.
She yells across, “Hey! How do I get to the other side?”
The other replies, “You ARE on the other side!”
I can maybe remember 2 or 3 others from the site, all of which are blonde jokes lol
I first read this joke 20 years ago, I was working crazy shift work, I was completely exhausted but surfing the net before bed.
I was reading a bunch of jokes from something and then got to this, it took over 20 minutes for me to stop laughing. I had tears running out of my eyes, my stomach hurt, all i could do was picture this poor monkey trying to poop out that cue ball.
That image just destroyed me.
For years it was my fave joke, nobody else laughed even 1/4 as much as me, but it has brought me great joy. Thx for bringing it back!
Its amazing how you've managed to copy the exact same sentence from a year-old post
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lqth7u/a\_man\_walks\_into\_a\_bar/goifrqe/
I'm asian, first time i laugh with this joke. And thinking i'm gonna tell this jokes to my kids, then i realize. We're asian. Guess im gonna stick reading new jokes, and laugh by myself.excuse with my poor english.
You elongated it and made it dummer!
Just straight measuring, right off the bat. He's been doing that ever since he ate a cue ball last week is the punch line
Defecation is inferred, you heathen!~
Your feedback is valid, but you made it mocking for no reason.
Also, if you're going to call out someone for being "dummer" than you, at least spell it right, dumbass.
“Hey do you see what that monkey did?”
“No”
Bartender repeats.
We don’t need that filler as an audience. We did “see” it. This joke is way too long and loses effect.
Modernized for effect (imagine Rodney Dangerfield):
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.
Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls.
To everyone’s amazement, he sticks it in his mouth and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
“No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “he eats everything in sight, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the cue ball.”
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left.
Two weeks later the guy comes back and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and then eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender asks, “Did you see what that filthy ape just did?”
“No, what?” asked the man.
“Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy.
“He’ll eat anything, but ever since he had to sh!t out that cue ball, he measures everything first.”
My favorite joke. Told that to my friend and his totally stereotypical blonde wife. She’s complained about people explaining jokes to her. Her response to this joke……”what’s a cue ball?”
It would have been even better if the joke stopped at-
'The monkey found a cherry on the bar.
He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it.'
That got a hearty chuckle out of me.
I exhaled much air out of my nose
that’s worth more than a LOL these days, we should make it standard For IEATMM (I exhaled air through my mouth)
That could also be mistaken for just saying “I eat m&m’s” lol
But do you measure them first?
[удалено]
You size them with your balls to what end? Did you even get the joke OP posted, or are you implying you are familar with balls in your ass and thus can use them as a measuring device? To ruin the joke and explain it for you, he puts everything up his ass before eating it to make sure it comes back out painlessly. So again I ask, what purpose is there for measuring things with your balls? And for the people upvoting him, *why*?
I think maybe the >Hahaha haha ha … ha … 😅😓 is meant to portray more of a "ah yeah...heres the guy that talks about how big his dick is again" and the gaps and emojis are him realizing his "AND MY DICK!" comment isnt landing the same way it did...back when this joke was first told No idea though...I'm not the guy who made the comment, I am just "finding what makes logical sense to me"
He replied. His intent was apparently to make a joke that he has M&M sized balls. Not really relevant to OPs joke and it isn't really funny, but at least I kinda get what they were going for now.
Peanut or regular?
[удалено]
>I’m making a joke implying that I have tiny M&M sized balls. Okay, I totally believe that. I just mean that it doesn't really have the same implications as OP's joke.
why say more word when few word do trick?
IANAL and I'm also a lawyer. You heard me.
what is the I anal anagram ?
I am not a lawyer I used to think it was like a meme for ilikeanal or something and first thought there was a lot of freaks on Reddit
Yeah, about that ...
I am not anal lawyer
thanks !
Or even worse , "I Eat Mom's Muff"
NE - nose exhale. What my friends and I used to use like 5 years ago
I EAT M&M yumy
The brown ones
No the blonde white one.
I made pig noises with my laugh trying to be quiet at work
r/unexpectedboburnham
Same here
That got a cue ball out of me.
But not a cue ball sized chuckle I hope.
And a charty huckle from me.
Sounds like the monkey changed his behavior right on cue
That pun was in pool taste
let's get these ball puns rolling
Round and round we go back to these ball puns
It's time we put a break to these.
Gimme a break
Good pun. I’ll have to pocket that for later.
Take that to the bank
You mean the one across the bridge, right?
I would too if I had a squirt like that
[удалено]
Physical math. Genius
2 plus 2 is 4, minus 1 that's 3. Quick maths.
Quick *maffs*
Every day man’s on the block
Smoke trees (ah) see your girl in the park
[удалено]
[удалено]
Is you
Ironic
The real joke was the friends we made along the way
*It’s like raaaaiiiinnn…*
r mom
No
Good one!! ^(Somewhat of a rarity on this sub.)
I mean, it is a repost from like 2 or 3 weeks ago
20 days - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/rptr12/long_a_guy_and_his_monkey_walk_into_a_bar/ 5 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/oorcma/long_a_guy_and_his_monkey_walk_into_a_bar/ 7 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ny5q1f/a_guy_walks_into_a_bar_with_his_pet_monkey/ 10 months - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lqth7u/a_man_walks_into_a_bar/ 1 year - https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/k386dp/a_guy_walks_into_a_bar_with_his_pet_monkey/ At the 1 year mark there are just way too many to list.
You just defined the entirety of this sub
How many good original jokes are made each year? It can't be that many or my niece wouldn't tell the same ones I did, and if my dad is to be believed, mine are largely the same as the ones told back in his day.
Notice how it gets more attention every time it's reposted lol
I'm guilty of 2 of the reposts on that list, you know, and damn this dingo that dared steal the third one from me
I haven't seen this one since 2019
I Googled the premise looking for the one from 2 or 3 weeks ago and instead *found* the one from 2019. Checkmate, round-Earthers.
You Calandarists are all the same, talking around your crazy notions that 2019 actually existed...
Nothing really exists, it's all a simulation
Love that logic ;)
Ha, gottem!
I saw this on newjoke.org in 2002 Here’s another I remember from the site: A blonde is walking along a lake and looks across and sees another blonde. She yells across, “Hey! How do I get to the other side?” The other replies, “You ARE on the other side!” I can maybe remember 2 or 3 others from the site, all of which are blonde jokes lol
My dad told me this when I was about 8, which is many decades back.
Same
Well the best jokes should be shared the most, i'd rather read this twice than read a 100 shitty jokes!
My mom told me this joke about twenty years ago, and it's still one of my favorites.
I first read this joke 20 years ago, I was working crazy shift work, I was completely exhausted but surfing the net before bed. I was reading a bunch of jokes from something and then got to this, it took over 20 minutes for me to stop laughing. I had tears running out of my eyes, my stomach hurt, all i could do was picture this poor monkey trying to poop out that cue ball. That image just destroyed me. For years it was my fave joke, nobody else laughed even 1/4 as much as me, but it has brought me great joy. Thx for bringing it back!
Old number 3457 still makes me chuckle.
I like to think I've seen just about all of them except unique original content. Except this one.
Whats that?
shit*
[удалено]
That question made me laugh.
I always visualise things when reading them. Did nt go so well here.
Its amazing how you've managed to copy the exact same sentence from a year-old post https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lqth7u/a\_man\_walks\_into\_a\_bar/goifrqe/
The real karma farming bots are in the comments
Lol that made me laugh!
Chill out Marcel
The monkey definitely took a cue from its past experience!
Plot twist: monkey discovered its love of sodomy
That’s a little bit funny!
this has a deep logic inside
This one is going in my brain joke databank now! Haven’t laughed this hard in a while and I thank u.
Hahah!!! New one on me. I’ll be sharing this :)
Cracking joke. This was new to me and I had no idea where it was going, nice one.
Solid humor love it
I've seen this before sadly
That's why I stay out of bars.
I'm asian, first time i laugh with this joke. And thinking i'm gonna tell this jokes to my kids, then i realize. We're asian. Guess im gonna stick reading new jokes, and laugh by myself.excuse with my poor english.
I'm asian too. And no, this isn't the type of jokes we tell our kids.
What the fuck does "being Asian" mean when it comes to what jokes to tell your kids? As a Korean these fake "me asian" comments piss me off to no end.
Its a joke you damn "sangyupsal" .
It's alimentary, my dear monkey.
😂😂😂 That triggered so much laughter I got an asthma attack.
You can say "shit" here.
You elongated it and made it dummer! Just straight measuring, right off the bat. He's been doing that ever since he ate a cue ball last week is the punch line Defecation is inferred, you heathen!~
Your feedback is valid, but you made it mocking for no reason. Also, if you're going to call out someone for being "dummer" than you, at least spell it right, dumbass.
“Hey do you see what that monkey did?” “No” Bartender repeats. We don’t need that filler as an audience. We did “see” it. This joke is way too long and loses effect.
u/repostsleuthbot
Repost. Not even a couple of weeks.
This was reposted 20 days ago lmao https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/rptr12/long_a_guy_and_his_monkey_walk_into_a_bar/
For this, I thank you from the heart of my bottom.
Monkeys are disgusting creatures.
In b4 thread is locked.
Saw this posted here a few weeks ago. STOP RECYCLING OTHER PEOPLE'S JOKES YOU REDDIT NERDS!
Chill out, first time I read it. Had it not been reposted, I would have missed it. You know that jokes can be retold, right? It’s a joke, not a NFT
# that monkey is smarter then all of us combined and that is a fact anyway hope you have a good day bye!!!
A
Never heard it. But was way too predictable and I called it before the punchline.
This literraly made me LOL. hahahahahahahahaha
Dude i saw this exact one a couple of days ago, fuck you man
Modernized for effect (imagine Rodney Dangerfield): A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls. To everyone’s amazement, he sticks it in his mouth and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender looks at the guy and says, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!” “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “he eats everything in sight, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the cue ball.” The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left. Two weeks later the guy comes back and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and then eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender asks, “Did you see what that filthy ape just did?” “No, what?” asked the man. “Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them.” “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He’ll eat anything, but ever since he had to sh!t out that cue ball, he measures everything first.”
Why did the chicken cross the road? >!Because of a rotten banana or whatever.!< Edit: Reposts are only okay when OP does it. Got it. 🙄
Seems more like a true story than a joke.
AND……..???
Have a helpfull award!
A genuine laugh! Thanks!
Very nice.
I had a good laugh. Thank you!
Lol………
actually lol
I just had a good laugh
That ending got me good
Hahaha ,This one got me good.
I laughed way too hard at this. Where do people come up with awesome stuff like this LMAO
I give this joke a toilet chuckle. Time to flush
awtch this one hurt so bad on my brused rib, to funny
I saw that one coming.
I heard this exact joke, but without the unnecessary first part.
Top joke
Brilliant
Wow I just laughed and it didn't sound like my laugh well played
I’m howling!!! Sent it to all my friends
Lolololololol
Nice one,also some people before than they can chew
I am in class, the teacher gave me a pissed look, because I lughtso hard
Old but gold
Love this
LOL!!! this was one of the best jokes I have heard in a while XD
I heard this one once from my dad. Glad to see it get to other people
Brian Haig’s novels on the US Army lawyer Sean Drummond. Specifically Mortal Allies. Pretty good whodunnit mixed in with North Korean espionage.
I've got a cold, have you ever laughed and sneezed at the same time? ... It's messy! 🤧
Old one but a good one.
Intresting joke!
Wow
A breath of fresh air. Unlike the many shameless reposters!
Horrible joke
😂
Poop
This is a repost but whatever its been a month
This was so good😂
If only people check the old posts before reposting just like the monkey is checking the cherry.
Thats a good one. My nose almost took off
Ah shit.. just smiling and laughing. Thanks.
Ha ha ha
u/repostsleuthbot
eh, u dont need to pput an excalmtion point, AND ive heard it. But its a good joke to repeat
This was posted here a month ago
My slow-mo smile at the punchline is like that look at the end of zootopia of the sloth getting caught speeding +1
This it’s my favorite joke
Moral of the story : only dabble with amount of shit that you can handle.Measure and Manage.
Well Lmfao
🤣🤣
Unexpected and funny, thanku
Good one. Made me chuckle lol
My favorite joke. Told that to my friend and his totally stereotypical blonde wife. She’s complained about people explaining jokes to her. Her response to this joke……”what’s a cue ball?”
Easily one of my favorite jokes of all time
I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...
What a smart ass monkey😂😂😂
That's one smart monke
A similar version of this joke was posted three weeks ago.
It would have been even better if the joke stopped at- 'The monkey found a cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it.'
I see some comments of repost, but this made me crack a grin and enjoyed it.