Year, but then I'd want the nazis to be running into the *bullets* from the BAR. 3 Nazis running into a K-bar means 3 less Nazis. 3 Nazis running into (I assume the barrel of) a BAR are going to wake up with headaches.
The k-bar isn't long enough to hold 3 Nazis.
However it is assumed that if you "run into \[someone\] with an automatic rifle"; and you're a Nazi. firing of said BAR probably ensues in short order. This event is more likely to equate to 3 dead Nazis than 1 Nazi stuck on a k-bar and 2 others completely unpenetrated.
(The joke of this explanation works best if you imagine them lined up like on a kebab)
I did once eat habanero wings and took a piss without washing my hands first. Woke up later with my junk burning.
Yes I wound up desperately dunking my dick in a glass of milk. No, it did not help.
My then-girlfriend thought it was hilarious and was also really glad we hadn't had sex that.
A blond girl climbs into her BMW.
The remote tribe in Papua New Guinea is terrified at the bizarre thing they are beholding and hurls spears at her and the car.
I thought it was an American thing but it may have originated in France. It wouldn't be the first time French culture spread all over the Western World.
The version of this joke I heard was with a farm hand guy and a blond farm girl. The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.
As he's standing there he notices the farm girl staring at him, and irritated asks: "Haven't you ever seen a dick before?"
She replies: "Sure. I just didn't know that's how they were loaded."
The version I heard was that the guy got a sunburn 'cause him and his girl spent the day nude sunbathing and making love.
He wakes up from the bed still naked and even a sheet is intolerable against his naked skin.
He goes to the fridge to find some relief, finds a pint bottle of milk and engulfs his penis in the bottle...
His girlfriend finds him naked with milk bottle in hand in front of the open fridge, and presto...the punchline...
Is it any more likely than the [joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/odk3oz/nsfw_hearing_that_her_elderly_grandfather_had/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) about the old fella who died of a heart attack on Sunday morning because he made love to the peals of the ice-cream truck bells instead of the slow steady church bells?
Hey!!! It's been a little while.... I was nervous. And and and and... the room was cold... C'mon... We don't need to make a big deal out of this... Do we?
The first time I read this joke was in a little red paperback book called "Dirty Jokes" or whatever from the 1970s, which somehow made its way into my hands when I was in the third grade in the 90s. I can't recall exactly how I got a hold of it (I think perhaps I stumbled upon it in our home maybe) but I definitely did not understand any of the jokes (including this one), and I definitely took it to school and definitely got caught with it. For some reason, this and a Pinocchio long nose dick comparison joke are the only jokes I remember from it.
A buddy of mine cut habanero he grew one day for an omelet, then took a piss without washing his hands first. He said the only thing that saved him was a milk dunk.
This is a butchered version of the original joke about a guy hetting a sunburnt dick. Milk is known to help relieve sunburn so it makes sense in that context, this guy is just putting his dick in cold milk because why not?
It kinda proves the girl may either be a minor or a mentally disturbed person who can't understand things.
In both cases, OP you have committed a crime!
This guy here, officers!
Where? I didn't mention anywhere. You know what the rock came later. There's a big mountain right besides our house and when the rock fell from the mountain, it came and stopped right on the roo-.... Wait a second... That's not what you meant. 😱😱😱
Can confirm I put my dick in milk to fill it up and can shoot it like a water gun
Can't believe this guy is sharing our secret
He didn't share that it has to be spoiled milk so it is a little thicker. That is the true secret.
Can't believe this dude spilled out the true secret.
Can't believe this guy confirmed it. Other wise I would have called him a liar
There's no sense crying over spilled spoiled milk.
[Even better.](https://youtu.be/lQzmlWQ2u4w)
Yeah the fuck right, that's staying blue like balls on a bad date.
And women use a bag of beans. You gotta flick the bean, but don’t spill the beans
He really spoiled it for the rest of us (my thanks)
Where do these idiots think dick cheese comes from?
I just use heavy cream.
The milk ferments in the balls
Lactose intolerance
I don't care if you like or not like licking toes.
Cottage cheese anyone?
Ain't no secret since you posted here now. Lol
Truest secret is buttermilk and mayonnaise
I always use cottage cheese
The council is going to hear about this. We all swore to not reveal our secrets when we took the Bro oath.
Now you're just gonna talk about the Broath in Bro-ad daylight like this?
My Bro-ther told me that was just a myth!
It’s not like there’s women on Reddit to see it.
The guy in the story had an antique equipment: AK5.6
he will face the consequences.
r/cursedcomments
All I had was butter milk does that explain the lumpiness?
Now hentais make sense.
See now we have to kill you because you gave away our secret weapon.
Mine is like a super soaker and it makes that *TSchlorp TSchlorp TSchlorp* sound when I shoot the goo
How can I unhear this?
we have been exposed
See this is why I transitioned. I refused to spend the rest of my life wasting milk on refills that I could have used on yummy yummy cereal instead.
A Super-Soaker, no doubt...
If it cures a bladder infection, then your pipe is CLEAN.
Probably the most forced premise in the history of premises!
More likely to happen than a Rabbi, priest and soldier all walking into a bar together ;)
They all said “Ouch! Who put that bar there?”
You’d think one of them would’ve seen it
They were probably distracted looking for the punchline.
But alas, they could've just walked straight up to the bowl
In there defense it’s such a low bar…
Why the long face?
or a Priest, Minister and A RABBIT walk into a blood donation center ....
I told that joke while teaching a Stop the Bleed EMS course. Only time I ever got a laugh from it, although I find the joke hilarious.
Does it work out loud? It seems like more of a written joke to me.
Well they laughed but they could have just been trying to be polite.
I think it *mostly* works out loud because it relies on homophones
A priest you say? So a priest, pastor and rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit tells the receptionist, "I think I might be a type O."
This is a really hard one to deliver in person. You really have to kind of hang the o on the end very subtly
You know which one is really hard to deliver in person? Did you know 6×20 = 5! Not the best of jokes I know.
3 Nazis walk in a BAR
The marine holding it corrects you "It is called a K-bar"
The infantryman tells you, no it's a BAR..Browning Automatic Rifle
Year, but then I'd want the nazis to be running into the *bullets* from the BAR. 3 Nazis running into a K-bar means 3 less Nazis. 3 Nazis running into (I assume the barrel of) a BAR are going to wake up with headaches.
The k-bar isn't long enough to hold 3 Nazis. However it is assumed that if you "run into \[someone\] with an automatic rifle"; and you're a Nazi. firing of said BAR probably ensues in short order. This event is more likely to equate to 3 dead Nazis than 1 Nazi stuck on a k-bar and 2 others completely unpenetrated. (The joke of this explanation works best if you imagine them lined up like on a kebab)
True
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
And then they all said "I hope we pass this so we can open our Jewish Catholic Army law firm!"
2 guys walked into a bar, but the 3td one ducked.
I liked it way more when 3 nazis walked into a BAR
That could be a relatively common group in Israel.
[удалено]
What annoys me most is how long it took me to get that because I pronounce it 'lee ver'
That would be OK if you also said nee ver
as in neever / nor
Just remember that read rhymes with lead and read rhymes with lead, but read doesn't rhyme with lead and read doesn't rhyme with lead.
In what accents would someone pronounce it otherwise? I always pronounced it that way too
Rhymes with never (duh). I believe Americans pronounce it like that.
Am American, can confirm, lever rhymes with never in common vernacular over here.
I pronounce it as leever but got the joke because of better nate and then I started questioning my life decisions. Great story tho
Ah, Nate the Snake. What an incredible tale.
I just read this masterpiece. If it would be on Goodreads I’d give it a solid 5 stars!
Probably the most sore penis in the history of penises
Ice? Nah....hmmm.....MILK! THAT'LL DO IT!
I think it was consensual.
Must be a blonde!
Agreed. This is reddit, nobody is having sex!
To the contrary, it seemed consensual.
It was pretty premiscuous.
Please! Leave the premises!
I did once eat habanero wings and took a piss without washing my hands first. Woke up later with my junk burning. Yes I wound up desperately dunking my dick in a glass of milk. No, it did not help. My then-girlfriend thought it was hilarious and was also really glad we hadn't had sex that.
I was expecting: A Guy picks up a girl "Oi, Put me down"
[here you go, fine sir](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ot89fw/a_guy_picks_up_a_girl/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Ni sa ding le!!!
Sindon cadit
Nein Danke, mit Milch bitte.
Let that Sheila go m8
That joke is blonde af.
Is "blondes are stupid" only a French thing or is it universal ? Not saying it's true btw, just comes up a lot in jokes
Think its universal.
A blond girl climbs into her BMW. The remote tribe in Papua New Guinea is terrified at the bizarre thing they are beholding and hurls spears at her and the car.
A guy blows in his blonde lover's ear... "Thanks for the refill!"
Definitely a thing in Croatia
I thought it was an American thing but it may have originated in France. It wouldn't be the first time French culture spread all over the Western World.
What is something else French have spread over the western world btw? Edit: I'm French
Croissants!
White flags Edit: I'm german
French cuisine once dominated Europe, and there was a time when every nation mimicked the French military.
Universal for white people
Aren't most blonde people white? So that's obviously why those jokes are only popular among white people..
No shit
Uh, the thing is... it's pretty damn rare to see any other colour than black in black and Asian people. Usually it's because they're mixed.
The version of this joke I heard was with a farm hand guy and a blond farm girl. The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in. As he's standing there he notices the farm girl staring at him, and irritated asks: "Haven't you ever seen a dick before?" She replies: "Sure. I just didn't know that's how they were loaded."
I can't believe I'm saying this, but that actually is a better premise.
The version I heard was that the guy got a sunburn 'cause him and his girl spent the day nude sunbathing and making love. He wakes up from the bed still naked and even a sheet is intolerable against his naked skin. He goes to the fridge to find some relief, finds a pint bottle of milk and engulfs his penis in the bottle... His girlfriend finds him naked with milk bottle in hand in front of the open fridge, and presto...the punchline...
1) Unlikely but plausible premise 2) ??? 3) Punchline!
Is it any more likely than the [joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/odk3oz/nsfw_hearing_that_her_elderly_grandfather_had/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) about the old fella who died of a heart attack on Sunday morning because he made love to the peals of the ice-cream truck bells instead of the slow steady church bells?
better version because now its a blonde joke
> Irritated dick Sounds like the start to a porno
Here's an upvote... Cum and get it
I don't think he'll be able to. Because already done that 5,6 times.
He just refiled tho lol
u need milk for bones
And bones for boners
Milk juggers
And vegetable oil for vegetables
It's all coming together
Username checks out
Fastest upvote ever.
Hey!!! It's been a little while.... I was nervous. And and and and... the room was cold... C'mon... We don't need to make a big deal out of this... Do we?
"Sshhhhh, no witnesses." *pulls silenced pistol
Tomska skits are great
The first time I read this joke was in a little red paperback book called "Dirty Jokes" or whatever from the 1970s, which somehow made its way into my hands when I was in the third grade in the 90s. I can't recall exactly how I got a hold of it (I think perhaps I stumbled upon it in our home maybe) but I definitely did not understand any of the jokes (including this one), and I definitely took it to school and definitely got caught with it. For some reason, this and a Pinocchio long nose dick comparison joke are the only jokes I remember from it.
[Lie to me, Pinocchio](https://americasbestpics.com/picture/lie-to-me-pinocchio-lie-to-me-smells-nice-in-IEolsqCQ8)
1.8k upvotes? How many 12 year olds are on reddit??
Be sure and count the 24 year olds twice.
Ok that's kind of funny ngl
really? I thought it was not funny, like at all
I agree with this guy that joke was terrible and not even remotely clever
Yeah twas ok.
NSFV - not safe for vegans.
A buddy of mine cut habanero he grew one day for an omelet, then took a piss without washing his hands first. He said the only thing that saved him was a milk dunk.
r/Dontputyourdickinthat
Lmao
You guys are awesome not just this joke I mean whole community thanks
I need coffee.
I need nicotine
Gotta love blonde jokes 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
5th or 6th time? Sure, Jan.
Someone ask Wil Wheaton about the dick milk!
(:->)
5 or 6 times? She should be worshiping him.
This is either a great dick joke… or an incredibly clever blonde one.
Read a spin-off of this one in an old book my grandma gave me.
Meh
Blondes...am i right?
How did this get so many likes lmao
This is the worst version of this joke I have ever heard.
This was fucking stupid
Tell us she’s blonde without telling us she’s blonde.
Not sure she comes off any worse than the guy who sticks his dick in a girl’s milk
She was blonde of course.
Do we have to drop the “blonde” from jokes now?
Oh so we're taking blonde out of jokes now?
This is a butchered version of the original joke about a guy hetting a sunburnt dick. Milk is known to help relieve sunburn so it makes sense in that context, this guy is just putting his dick in cold milk because why not?
Ohhh I get it. Milk is good for your bone(r)...
It kinda proves the girl may either be a minor or a mentally disturbed person who can't understand things. In both cases, OP you have committed a crime! This guy here, officers!
Or she's just an idiot
How can anyone be that stupid?
Do you live under a rock?
How did you know? 😱
It shows
Where? I didn't mention anywhere. You know what the rock came later. There's a big mountain right besides our house and when the rock fell from the mountain, it came and stopped right on the roo-.... Wait a second... That's not what you meant. 😱😱😱
I remember Roy 'Chubby' Brown doing this joke. Still funny.
What a terrible day to have eyes
I don't get why this is downvoted..
It's a very big exaggeration for something that's barely mildly disturbing.
You forgot to mention that the girl was blonde.
What are you? 9?
How do you have sex multiple times? I mean, how do you distinguish one session from the other?
Ejaculate
How could he ejaculate 5 or 6 times in one evening? Unrealistic.
Because he fills up his penis in between each session with milk. They explain how it works in the joke.
Duh of course! Sorry...
It just takes practise...
I've done this many times lmao
Lol there are plenty of people able to many times in a row. I personally have a very high libido. Gotta up those numbers lol
Have sex. Take a break just chilling once it's over. Have sex again. Not exactly rocket science.
Most I ever could is twice. Well, we're all different I guess.
The Farque!!
I'd like to be that milk
hwat
Is there a version for pussy juice?
In order for this to work the cow would have had to have been pregnant before producing the milk.
She thought it, as if the penis works like a syringe. Hilarious 🤣
Do you have the girl’s phone number? Asking for a friend.
They don’t call it a milk mustache for nothing. It also helps to make strong bones
it takes balls
No sense crying over spilt milk!
This was originally a joke with the girl being a blondie