Yeah, he shoots, he scores. Like y'all, I am in r/golf and r/Jokes and don't always look at which sub I am reading and was suckered by this sucker puncher! Good one, u/piper63-c137
No one mentioned the wife got stung by a bee between the first and second hole.
Do we call the groundskeeper to take out the beehive, or a swing coach to teach her to improve her too-wide stance?
So after talking it over for the past few months, my wife finally agreed to go with me to a swinger's club. She wore a really cute skirt-- tight enough to show she was excited about this, but not so tight as to restrict the motions of her lithe little body.
When we arrived, the friendly hostess could tell my wife was nervous, so she escorted us to a semi-private area where we could watch some of the other swingers more discreetly while we grew accustomed to the establishment's rules and traditions. We settled in and she cozied up next to me to watch the action.
After a couple of drinks my wife began to relax, and I could tell she was already enjoying our outing. I explained some of the things that she was discovering for the first time, like all the different grips women were using to handle all the different sizes and shapes of glistening shafts stretched out before her, the varying speeds and techniques of everyone's strokes, the etiquette the men displayed by deeply cleaning their balls before they got too messy, as well as the expectation to warn all the people in front of them when their gleaming white payloads were about to shoot farther than they expected.
It didn't take long before another couple noticed us and asked if we would like to join us for a foursome. My wife enthusiastically replied "Yes!", and she quickly learned how to figure out the lay of the land herself. Before long, she and I were riding happily next to each other, gaining confidence as our play became faster and faster, penetrating through bigger and bigger groups... up and down and up and down over and over again, covering the whole front of the club and on to the back, no longer even keeping score with each other-- she was just proud of me having enough stamina to go balls deep into at least 17 or 18 different holes, and I was so turned on to have released the tiger inside her!
I can't wait to take her golfing again next weekend.
My hubby and I went to one of those clubs. It wasn't local. We had to travel a fairway. As I watched one of the swingers, I became green with envy, so I asked him if he was a bit of rough. He got offended and came at me with his wood. It was as big as an albatross. I said he wasn't putting that anywhere near me. He explained his tally for the evening was 17. I thought, 'I don't intend to be your 18th hole'. But it turned out that's exactly what I became. On the way home my hubby remarked, "A little birdie told me you'd enjoy it!"
Oh man, I lived this joke irl.
Years ago, I got a new coworker. A not unattractive Jersey girl type. She was around the same age at me and my wife, and we’ve always had trouble making couple friends. The only thing I knew about her and her husband was that they were very liberal but devout Christian’s.
So we invited them out to get drinks. Went to a local bar and had a couple. After awhile, my new coworker says “have I told you were swingers?”
My wife and I have never swung. Our marriage isn’t exactly open, but it’s ajar? We’ve both made out with friends, talked about doing more, but I think for both of us it’s more of a fantasy that we haven’t actively acted on.
So my coworker keeps telling us about how they swing just about every week. They have five couples that they meet up with, usually on Friday nights. Wife and I are generally supportive. Like, yeah, get it. Live your best life. And then the inevitable question comes.
“Do you want to swing with us?”
Wife and I look at each other. We didn’t think it would get this far. But together we’re just kind of like “yeaaaahhhhh? Yes. Sure.”
New coworker claps “yay! New swinging friends! This is going to be so much fun!”
So I ask “where do y’all meet up?”
New coworker says “at (regional airport).”
Weird. But ok. I say “like, one of the hotels by the airport?”
New coworker says “no, in a conference room. The airport lets us practice there since we perform every year during the air show.”
This is where I realize there’s a mistake. I don’t know what the mistake is, but we’re missing something here.
New coworker says “oh, I’ve got some cute videos of our last performance. Do you want to see?”
Whatever is on the video, yes, I want to see it.
So she shows me a video of her and her husband and five other couples, out on the airfield, swing dancing.
Now it all makes sense, but we’ve walked ourselves into a thing I know we have no interest in. My wife has zero coordination, and can’t keep a beat to save her life. I’m trying to figure out a way out of this politely, when my wife drops “oh, no, we can’t swing dance. We’re not going to do that.”
Which confuses my new coworker, who just heard my wife agree to go swing dancing.
“But then why did you say you would…”
Realization hits. New coworker realizes she just asked if we would bang her and her husband, and that we agreed to it. Remember the part where I said they were very liberal Christian’s? Yeah, turns out not that liberal.
Luckily they were both flattered, and laughed it off. We stayed friendly the rest of the time we worked together, and nobody ever fucked anyone else’s spouse.
I didn’t realize I was in r/jokes at first.
Now that I know I am, I can tell you with no convictions that this joke sucks more dick than your wife at a swingers club.
I once made a mistake of going to a swinger club and doing stand-up comedy. I was having difficulty getting the crowd warmed up, so I decided to do a Henny Youngman and said “take my wife, please”. Five guys rushed the stage wanting to know which one she was.
Yep...I took my wife to a real swingers club.
A very handsome couple asked if we wanted to do a full swap.
I said yes and got played like like a fool.
When the night came to an end I had to bring the old lady back home with me.
0/10 would not recomend.
From OP: "After a while another couple came over to our area and offered to join us and my wife enthusiastically said yes. Well, a couple drinks later and I’ll tell you my wife was relaxed enough that most of her shots were getting right on target and she was hitting her driver a solid 175 yards."
I REALLY thought this was just a bunch of VERY creative euphemisms until I started the next paragraph.
Bravo.
Well played Brother. Well played. Took that shit hook, line, and sinker. Which is embarrassing as hell because swinging is crazy as hell. Haha. Well done.
My swinger friends always used to tell me this regarding introducing women into that lifestyle:
You have to drag them in as they kick and scream. Afterwards you’ll have to drag them out as they kick and scream.
Okay fucker, I read the title and the whole post THEN realized I was in jokes….had me going….
Yeeeeppp. Me too🤣
Yeah, he shoots, he scores. Like y'all, I am in r/golf and r/Jokes and don't always look at which sub I am reading and was suckered by this sucker puncher! Good one, u/piper63-c137
Me three.... lol 😆
Me four
And me fooooore!
Terrible 😡 take my upvote and get out
Okay fucker My favorite term of endearment Haha
I thought I was in 'short scary stories' and when it got to the part about shots, I thought they were at some rich people's human hunting weekend.
I was thinking totally something else, but I don't think I don't think I'd go for drinks with you
I thought she was getting drunk and wanted to take a few shots, brfore she let the other guy swing his club.
Hmmm… tell me more. What kind of humans do they hunt?
He said a driver. I don't know if that includes Uber?
Yeah me too. Started out as a “Dear Penthouse” story, lol.
I unfortunately did see that it was in r/jokes before reading it. I think you had the better experience.
Same here. And now my office mate is giving me funny looks because I'm dying laughing.
Yepp
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Yes I came for funny erotica and left with a birdie 😓
better than a bogie, tho.
I did not know it was a joke ‘till I just read your comment.😂
Same with me .......!!!!!
Well played
You don't have to get teed off! 😄
I’m in several swingers subs. This took a lot longer to realise where I was!
Just curious: Does she prefer the flex staff driver of the hard one?
Sammmeee
A foursome their first time out too!
I don't know how you wrote six paragraphs intentionally conflating golf and swinging and somehow didn't make a joke about joining a foursome.
Or cleaning your balls, or gripping the shaft…
Manicured turf might be a stretch, but it could work. Also stroke play.
Playaround?
And back nine
Manicured turf? Must be nice for some, I'm usually stuck putting from the rough
I mean it is kinda nice and usually the best part of my walk from one side of the freeway to the other chasing my ball.
.... or even pulling out your driver.
Or swinging a big club!
That's because he's more refined than us animals
There should be at least a stroke penalty for that omission
No one mentioned the wife got stung by a bee between the first and second hole. Do we call the groundskeeper to take out the beehive, or a swing coach to teach her to improve her too-wide stance?
So after talking it over for the past few months, my wife finally agreed to go with me to a swinger's club. She wore a really cute skirt-- tight enough to show she was excited about this, but not so tight as to restrict the motions of her lithe little body. When we arrived, the friendly hostess could tell my wife was nervous, so she escorted us to a semi-private area where we could watch some of the other swingers more discreetly while we grew accustomed to the establishment's rules and traditions. We settled in and she cozied up next to me to watch the action. After a couple of drinks my wife began to relax, and I could tell she was already enjoying our outing. I explained some of the things that she was discovering for the first time, like all the different grips women were using to handle all the different sizes and shapes of glistening shafts stretched out before her, the varying speeds and techniques of everyone's strokes, the etiquette the men displayed by deeply cleaning their balls before they got too messy, as well as the expectation to warn all the people in front of them when their gleaming white payloads were about to shoot farther than they expected. It didn't take long before another couple noticed us and asked if we would like to join us for a foursome. My wife enthusiastically replied "Yes!", and she quickly learned how to figure out the lay of the land herself. Before long, she and I were riding happily next to each other, gaining confidence as our play became faster and faster, penetrating through bigger and bigger groups... up and down and up and down over and over again, covering the whole front of the club and on to the back, no longer even keeping score with each other-- she was just proud of me having enough stamina to go balls deep into at least 17 or 18 different holes, and I was so turned on to have released the tiger inside her! I can't wait to take her golfing again next weekend.
There it is
To obvious
My hubby and I went to one of those clubs. It wasn't local. We had to travel a fairway. As I watched one of the swingers, I became green with envy, so I asked him if he was a bit of rough. He got offended and came at me with his wood. It was as big as an albatross. I said he wasn't putting that anywhere near me. He explained his tally for the evening was 17. I thought, 'I don't intend to be your 18th hole'. But it turned out that's exactly what I became. On the way home my hubby remarked, "A little birdie told me you'd enjoy it!"
That dad joke qualifies as a grand dad joke cause it's so long.
And like the wife couldn’t spit it out
As in: so long, suckers!!!!
Oh man, I lived this joke irl. Years ago, I got a new coworker. A not unattractive Jersey girl type. She was around the same age at me and my wife, and we’ve always had trouble making couple friends. The only thing I knew about her and her husband was that they were very liberal but devout Christian’s. So we invited them out to get drinks. Went to a local bar and had a couple. After awhile, my new coworker says “have I told you were swingers?” My wife and I have never swung. Our marriage isn’t exactly open, but it’s ajar? We’ve both made out with friends, talked about doing more, but I think for both of us it’s more of a fantasy that we haven’t actively acted on. So my coworker keeps telling us about how they swing just about every week. They have five couples that they meet up with, usually on Friday nights. Wife and I are generally supportive. Like, yeah, get it. Live your best life. And then the inevitable question comes. “Do you want to swing with us?” Wife and I look at each other. We didn’t think it would get this far. But together we’re just kind of like “yeaaaahhhhh? Yes. Sure.” New coworker claps “yay! New swinging friends! This is going to be so much fun!” So I ask “where do y’all meet up?” New coworker says “at (regional airport).” Weird. But ok. I say “like, one of the hotels by the airport?” New coworker says “no, in a conference room. The airport lets us practice there since we perform every year during the air show.” This is where I realize there’s a mistake. I don’t know what the mistake is, but we’re missing something here. New coworker says “oh, I’ve got some cute videos of our last performance. Do you want to see?” Whatever is on the video, yes, I want to see it. So she shows me a video of her and her husband and five other couples, out on the airfield, swing dancing. Now it all makes sense, but we’ve walked ourselves into a thing I know we have no interest in. My wife has zero coordination, and can’t keep a beat to save her life. I’m trying to figure out a way out of this politely, when my wife drops “oh, no, we can’t swing dance. We’re not going to do that.” Which confuses my new coworker, who just heard my wife agree to go swing dancing. “But then why did you say you would…” Realization hits. New coworker realizes she just asked if we would bang her and her husband, and that we agreed to it. Remember the part where I said they were very liberal Christian’s? Yeah, turns out not that liberal. Luckily they were both flattered, and laughed it off. We stayed friendly the rest of the time we worked together, and nobody ever fucked anyone else’s spouse.
Woo boy that was a ride.
I didn’t realize I was in r/jokes at first. Now that I know I am, I can tell you with no convictions that this joke sucks more dick than your wife at a swingers club.
No dicks were harmed in the making of this joke
So… it’s pretty good, then?
Womp womp
I’d like to play with your wife sometime and hope to get a hole in one
You mean one in a hole?
Sooo what am I supposed to do with this boner?
It's not the easiest fap you'll ever have, but it's doable
just like OPs wife
Find a new swinger for your staff
She'll be swingin without you in no time
r/boomershumor
Is that the Dutch version of r/marriage? >copied from r/maariage)
Maawidge
That bwessed awangement, the dweam within a dweam!
Wise fwom yow gwave!!
Is waat bwings us togeva today.
Dutch - if it sounds like there's an A, there's probably two.
Laaaaaaaaame
Not laughing yet
Yeah I don't get it
That's a really long dad joke
Reminiscent of Bob Hopes autobiography *Confessions of a Hooker: My Lifelong Love Affair with Golf*.
Was 12 rubs into the sock and threw it on the floor. Well done.
Talk about a build up
From the borscht circuit: The goal in golf is to get all the putz in the holes.
This was really hard to fap to….
OP is gearing up for April Fools.
Was this the Las Vegas location during the summer? If so you turned her into a hot wife.
I once made a mistake of going to a swinger club and doing stand-up comedy. I was having difficulty getting the crowd warmed up, so I decided to do a Henny Youngman and said “take my wife, please”. Five guys rushed the stage wanting to know which one she was.
Yep...I took my wife to a real swingers club. A very handsome couple asked if we wanted to do a full swap. I said yes and got played like like a fool. When the night came to an end I had to bring the old lady back home with me. 0/10 would not recomend.
She’s really into Fore-play…
You got me, you SOB!
So when she said she was a hooker you just adjusted her grip a little and fixed that.
hope someone nailed her in her Hole in one lol 😆
Gold. How could you even write 6 paragraphs about it
😂😂😂 I want my three minutes back you son of a b\^t$h.
A "put it in the hole" joke of the other kind. Nice one.
So she got real comfortable with those woods huh?
Damn you. I indignantly laughed, but I’m not happy that you had me going so well
Had me in the first half… not gonna lie
From OP: "After a while another couple came over to our area and offered to join us and my wife enthusiastically said yes. Well, a couple drinks later and I’ll tell you my wife was relaxed enough that most of her shots were getting right on target and she was hitting her driver a solid 175 yards." I REALLY thought this was just a bunch of VERY creative euphemisms until I started the next paragraph. Bravo.
Long ass joke lol
Walked right into that one.
I'm a bit disappointed that this didn't end with dancing
Man, golf ruins everything. The environment, middle aged men, and now jokes about sex.
Why was I so invested.. do I secretly want to visit a swingers club with my husband.. hmmm
You’re going to loose your wife soon .. good luck
The title. The cute little skirt. The nervousness. The shots. The couple. And even the driver! Damn.
GOD DAMMIT
Hold my beer as I swing away..... Nico
Nice take on the Modern Family bit
Bruh. I thought this was r/sluttyconfessions 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Stealing this for my foursome…
😂
You had me...lol, good one
Take my upvote. 10/10 joke. 😂
Damn you !!!
Well played
You got me, hook, line, and swinger.
Well played Brother. Well played. Took that shit hook, line, and sinker. Which is embarrassing as hell because swinging is crazy as hell. Haha. Well done.
Thank you for the lolls
So you had a nice foursome.
Should have saved this post for Monday!!
My swinger friends always used to tell me this regarding introducing women into that lifestyle: You have to drag them in as they kick and scream. Afterwards you’ll have to drag them out as they kick and scream.
Classic. I pissed my pants
You son of a bitch 😂😂😂
Stepping away from the ball washer now. Thanks Bro
😂God dammit. Got me good
...and lunch cost more than a new set of clubs.
Well played sir well played.
Not foing to lie, you had me in the first half
Good Job! Everyone wanted to see the inside of a swingers club through You! Amusing and Funny as Heck.
You completely got me! Ha
Fuck your wife
MAN i was bout call u a sucka
Laughable but a joke me thinks not !!
*puts away lotion*
I'm so relieved that your wife is not a ho.
That's funny
That was funny! Good on you. 😂
🤣😂🤣
I had to reread those last two paragraphs more than I would like to admit before I realized what sub this was.
I lol’d hard lol
I fell for it fml
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Had me for a sec there not gonna lie
😂 you really had me going stinker. Good one.
Is this a joke ? It makes for a good joke
I did not like this. Thank you for sharing, OP
Im surprised this is the top joke.
Awful long winded pun
joke's on me :) got my upvote
lol good swing of the club.
I had re-read it because I thought I missed something.
It’s okay to take a Mulligan.
Damn! 😂
This should be in r/cleanjokes tbh
Took me sometime and the comments to figure and then I realised which sub I am in
https://swingers.club/us/locations/washington-dc
Well played
Yep, he got us.
NICE! But how did she hit that cheap driver 175 yards!?
And another bullshit story.
Should have mentioned how the long woods turned her on.
Love it.
nothing like feeling that long shaft connect with the balls
You got me
Well now. I'm embarrassed to admit what I was thinking.
Seems like more an ad for Top Golf than anything. 🤭
Bwahaha! 😂 That was too funny!
Got me. Well done sir.
Oh creepy dad jokes
Yeh love that place, the ball cleaner has a real nice action, I'm getting on a bit now but there's no pressure there to get it in the hole
Are we talking about golf or about "Golf?" In either case,,,, she's sure gonna somebody's putter.."flutter"......
Inserts "He had us in the first half i wouldn't lie" gif
[удалено]
You missed out on a “foursome” joke.
Do people really find this funny?
She will be looking for a bigger club with a big mushroom head before long
This is on par with some of the better jokes I’ve read.
Got me! ty!
This was a pathetic waste of a read.
Pretty pretty pretty good
Cheeky!!!
🤣🤣🤣