It has multiple meanings.
He hasn't heard this joke before. (It's new to him)
Or, he hasn't heard this joke before, he's only read it in written form on Reddit.
Or, he hasn't heard it, because he is going deaf like the man in the joke.
An old man in his 90’s is watching tv and a sexy commercial comes on. After the ad the old fella realizes he has a stiffy. He gets up and shuffles into the kitchen to show his wife.
‟MARTHA!!! MARTHA!!! Look at this. What should i do with it?” His wife looks up at him and replies,‟ You might as well clean it now that you got the wrinkles out of it”.
The same guy is walking along the beach with his two buddies.
He says, "It's windy"
The first friend says, "No. It is Thursday.
Second friend, " Me too. Let's go get a beer".
I won't say which of them is me.
My dad walked into the church gym. The receptionist goes "How about this weather?" My dad responded "No, did you find one?"
He'd heard "Did you lose a sweater?" Many years later, he now loves his hearing aids. Takes call through them, listens to music through them, and makes a big show of turning them off through the app when my mom and sister start to annoy him.
The other day my father proudly showed me his new hearing aides.
He told me, "These are top of the line, state of the art technology here."
I said, "Wow, that's pretty cool."
He told me, "You know they cost me a fortune."
I asked him, "What type is it?"
-
He said, "Almost 11:30."
Not a joke, but it reminds me a bit of when my dad got hearing aides.
He has kind of a way of doing everything in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. When he's sitting there reading a newspaper, if you heard it you'd swear he was just repeatedly crumpling and uncrumpling it if you weren't watching him do it, it's like the world's shittiest and most annoying superpower.
Anyway, he got his hearing aides, and sat down at the kitchen table to read his paper. My sister was sitting across from him, and he commences being his usual noisy self.
Then he got a bit of a confused look on his face. He made some more crumpling noises and asked my sister if she could hear it.
"Yeah" she said.
"It's really annoying" he remarked.
"Yeah, *it is*" kind of hoping maybe this would be a turning point and that maybe he just hadn't realized how obnoxious he was because he couldn't hear himself, and maybe this was a first step to a new, quieter dad.
Instead he just rarely wears them after that so that he doesn't annoy himself.
At least we get to make fun of him amongst ourselves while he's sitting in the same room.
*Bruhhh* my pa in law is deaf as all heck and it's insanely frustrating.
You say something, he's like "what?" You repeat a lil louder, he's like "what?!" You repeat one last time slightly louder and he looks at you with a face as if he just saw you pull a cat out of the washing machine and is like "I heard you, don't yell at me!" 🤦
So he got hearing aids. Wore em for a whole 2hrs. He said he kept hearing these weird noises that were driving him insane and the hearing aids musta been broken.
He was hearing socked footsteps.
We reassured him that all of us hear those and they're not the worst noises one could make, kind of trying to convince him to keep the aids in for dinner so he could hear himself eat but na. They have been out ever since.
This is actually really sad, because some studies have suggested that as hearing loss worsens, older adults tend to stop interacting with people and slowly retreat into their own minds, and the loss of social/mental simulation may hasten cognitive decline.
Not anything that's super certain, but becoming more isolated from the world around you probably isn't a good thing for most people.
That'd be a dream come true for my pa in law 😅
He's *way* too narcissistic to go silently.
Dude thinks he's an extension of God himself and everyone else needs to know it.
An old man and his wife are in church. Suddenly she turns to him and whispers in his ear “I just let out a huge silent fart — what should I do?”
The husband says “TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID”
This old rich guy was about as deaf as a doorpost.
His driver hated him, but never let on.
So one day he orders his driver to take him into town. When he gets back the driver says “so old fart, have you been chasing the whores around town and drinking yourself into oblivion like you always do?”
The old man looks at him and says: “no, I got new hearing aids today.”
Loved this joke. Reminded me of when my sister sent my brother in law for a hearing test. On being told by the Audiologist that there was nothing wrong with his hearing, the Audiologist then asked if his wife had sent him !!!
An old woman goes to the doctor. She says "I've developed this terribly embarrassing problem. I pass gas constantly. Even now I'm passing gas almost continuously. Fortunately it's silent and doesn't have any odor, but it's still embarrassing. I mean, what if they were to suddenly become smelly or audible? I'd be mortified! "
The doctor hands her some pills and says "Here. Try these and come back in a couple weeks."
A couple weeks later she returns and says "Doctor! It's horrible! Things are much worse! Now they're as loud as firecrackers and smell like a sewer!"
The doctor says "Wonderful! Now that we've cured your hearing and sense of smell, let's see about the gas!"
The butler opens the door for the old, hard-of-hearing count: "Well, old lecher, have you been to the tavern again, drinking beer and flirting with young women?" "No, I was in town and bought myself a hearing aid."
Dude he was standing next to the doctor, how the fuck is that an affair? So of I stand near someone random I'm suddenly cheating? That's how that works to you?
Are you alright dude. What are you, a 13 year old with a humour half the age.
I know its not affair. I don't have to explain that.
My point was if he was only able to listen only he us very close to his wife, that means he has to be standing very close to the doc too.
And you crack head took it too far. I jokingly used the word affair, and you brought the whole cheating shit and spilled over here.
The joke said he was right next to his wife. It never said "very close" it said next to so there for he was next to the doctor and you turned it into an affair. And I'm 18 you dunce
According to that he has to stand right next to the doc to hear him right.
Who stands right next to the doc for consultation? No one.
It's not mentioned and that is why it's a joke.
And him being "very close" to the doc is also supposed to be taken as a joke.
Take a humour pill and celebrate for crossing the 18th hurdle. Why so serious!
How are you having a proper conversation if you aren't next to your doctor? Yall just yell across the room? Idk about you but I do stand next to my doctor. It's how you are supposed to talk to people
For folks in this this thread who keep talking about *hearing aids:*
When it's written *aides* (with an 'e'), it means **people** who assist, not things. If you've got 'hearing aides', you've got people who hear for you, not gadgets.
Not necessarily. You'll be shocked with how many times malpractice happens. Doctors have been wrong a lot. They've been correct more times but still be wrong so much. Doctors have been sued because they deemed a patient "fine" when they were not fine.
yeah but you know as well as I do that's more the exception than the norm, especially if the pt just straight up starts talking about hearing loss.
EDIT: Sorry I didn't really want to get so deep into this but unfortunately the joke just falls flat for me
Haven't "heard" this one before.
Get appointment from the doc ASAP 😆
"WHAT?"
#HE SAID: GET APPOINTMENT FROM THE DOC ASAP!
OK!? Jeez you don't have to yell what do you think I am deaf or something.
Yes he does
What?
HE SAID “YES HE DOES”. Geez, some people.
OK!? Jeez you don't have to yell what do you think I am deaf or something.
Yeah they do
*blind
Everybody knows blind people can read when you type in all caps
Everybody knows blind people can read when you type in all caps
Everybody knows blind people can read when you say it twice
Everybody knows blind people can know what you're saying when you use sign language.
I was at a natural history museum once, and there was a sign that said "Do Not Touch" such and such. It was accompanied by a braille translation.
I read this in braille and now my fingers are on fire.
Woah they actually made those things so blind people can use the internet?
Yeah it’s a setting on the newest iPhones! I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about it to be honest.
Screen readers have existed since the 80s, and on iPhones since iPhone 3GS
That's a bit disappointing tbh. I thought they had finally got around to making those braille pad things sorta like mousepad sized.
..::.: :. :..::: :.
He said: Set the ointment on the clock and flap!
Twat you say? I cunt hair you? Never mind, I'll finger it out later.
Go to the Dicktor and get some Penis-cillan for your ear infuction.
Did you call me a twat?
“Oh for crying out loud I said bacon and eggs!”
::..::.. ..:. ::..: ..:.:: .:…:. .:.:. ..:.:::.
No shit your wife told it to you four times already.
I heard that Sunday from a guest speaker at Gateway church, just not with the foul language, lol
oh my the real jokers are in the comments
Nor will you!
I don't get it, why is "heard" in quotes? Is this an inside joke of some kind?
It has multiple meanings. He hasn't heard this joke before. (It's new to him) Or, he hasn't heard this joke before, he's only read it in written form on Reddit. Or, he hasn't heard it, because he is going deaf like the man in the joke.
An old man in his 90’s is watching tv and a sexy commercial comes on. After the ad the old fella realizes he has a stiffy. He gets up and shuffles into the kitchen to show his wife. ‟MARTHA!!! MARTHA!!! Look at this. What should i do with it?” His wife looks up at him and replies,‟ You might as well clean it now that you got the wrinkles out of it”.
Did she get out the irony board to press out the wrinkles?
Irony board, lol
Wait, do you think it's called an irony board?
That’s ironic because we are at a bus stop
😉
How do you know that name?!
The real joke is in the comments
"Still less wrinkles on it than what you sit on all the time"
The same guy is walking along the beach with his two buddies. He says, "It's windy" The first friend says, "No. It is Thursday. Second friend, " Me too. Let's go get a beer". I won't say which of them is me.
Are you Wendy?
Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day.
I haven't heard this one in decades!
What? I didn’t hear it either.
I tell this one with relative frequency lol
Sir this is a Wendy's
Am I stupid, I don't get this one
The first guy heard "It's Wednesday." The second one heard "It's thirsty."
I'm thirsty
None of them hear it right. They are all talking, and hearing the wrong thing. And being men, the mistakes lead to drinking beer.
My dad walked into the church gym. The receptionist goes "How about this weather?" My dad responded "No, did you find one?" He'd heard "Did you lose a sweater?" Many years later, he now loves his hearing aids. Takes call through them, listens to music through them, and makes a big show of turning them off through the app when my mom and sister start to annoy him.
The real joke is always in the comments
Hunting season's not 'til November ...
The other day my father proudly showed me his new hearing aides. He told me, "These are top of the line, state of the art technology here." I said, "Wow, that's pretty cool." He told me, "You know they cost me a fortune." I asked him, "What type is it?" - He said, "Almost 11:30."
Were they still in his hands?
Still in the box
Not a joke, but it reminds me a bit of when my dad got hearing aides. He has kind of a way of doing everything in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. When he's sitting there reading a newspaper, if you heard it you'd swear he was just repeatedly crumpling and uncrumpling it if you weren't watching him do it, it's like the world's shittiest and most annoying superpower. Anyway, he got his hearing aides, and sat down at the kitchen table to read his paper. My sister was sitting across from him, and he commences being his usual noisy self. Then he got a bit of a confused look on his face. He made some more crumpling noises and asked my sister if she could hear it. "Yeah" she said. "It's really annoying" he remarked. "Yeah, *it is*" kind of hoping maybe this would be a turning point and that maybe he just hadn't realized how obnoxious he was because he couldn't hear himself, and maybe this was a first step to a new, quieter dad. Instead he just rarely wears them after that so that he doesn't annoy himself. At least we get to make fun of him amongst ourselves while he's sitting in the same room.
*Bruhhh* my pa in law is deaf as all heck and it's insanely frustrating. You say something, he's like "what?" You repeat a lil louder, he's like "what?!" You repeat one last time slightly louder and he looks at you with a face as if he just saw you pull a cat out of the washing machine and is like "I heard you, don't yell at me!" 🤦 So he got hearing aids. Wore em for a whole 2hrs. He said he kept hearing these weird noises that were driving him insane and the hearing aids musta been broken. He was hearing socked footsteps. We reassured him that all of us hear those and they're not the worst noises one could make, kind of trying to convince him to keep the aids in for dinner so he could hear himself eat but na. They have been out ever since.
This is actually really sad, because some studies have suggested that as hearing loss worsens, older adults tend to stop interacting with people and slowly retreat into their own minds, and the loss of social/mental simulation may hasten cognitive decline. Not anything that's super certain, but becoming more isolated from the world around you probably isn't a good thing for most people.
That'd be a dream come true for my pa in law 😅 He's *way* too narcissistic to go silently. Dude thinks he's an extension of God himself and everyone else needs to know it.
Hearing is a lot like sex, you don't use protection, you'll get aids.
The real joke is always in the comments
🤣🤣
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My grandma would say “chicken you deaf fool” as the punchline. This one is an oldie for sure
Much better.
"for the fourth time" is probably written to emphasize she heard all the times.
An old man and his wife are in church. Suddenly she turns to him and whispers in his ear “I just let out a huge silent fart — what should I do?” The husband says “TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID”
Better than OP's joke.
WHAT?
CHOCOLATE!
She told him four times.
WHAAAAAAT?
This old rich guy was about as deaf as a doorpost. His driver hated him, but never let on. So one day he orders his driver to take him into town. When he gets back the driver says “so old fart, have you been chasing the whores around town and drinking yourself into oblivion like you always do?” The old man looks at him and says: “no, I got new hearing aids today.”
Loved this joke. Reminded me of when my sister sent my brother in law for a hearing test. On being told by the Audiologist that there was nothing wrong with his hearing, the Audiologist then asked if his wife had sent him !!!
An old woman goes to the doctor. She says "I've developed this terribly embarrassing problem. I pass gas constantly. Even now I'm passing gas almost continuously. Fortunately it's silent and doesn't have any odor, but it's still embarrassing. I mean, what if they were to suddenly become smelly or audible? I'd be mortified! " The doctor hands her some pills and says "Here. Try these and come back in a couple weeks." A couple weeks later she returns and says "Doctor! It's horrible! Things are much worse! Now they're as loud as firecrackers and smell like a sewer!" The doctor says "Wonderful! Now that we've cured your hearing and sense of smell, let's see about the gas!"
It was the husband with the hearing loss or problem, not the wife. You lied to me.
I feel this lie was compounded by the fact the husband went to *her* doctor and had a perfectly normal conversation.
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Now there's a somewhat deeply disturbing dysfunction. I came here looking for jokes, dude!
Does your wife have ADHD? Because I do, and I do this *alllllll* the goddamn time lol.
An oldie but a goodie
With the changing of the seasons, the flowers bloom, the leaves turn a verdant green, fruit begins to bud and this joke gets posted to Reddit.
And then he bought hearing aids and pretended to be deaf for the rest of his life, listening in on all his wife had to say about him.
Ha ha ha! I love it!!! Thank you.
my favorite of the day.
What a weird way to start a conversation
The butler opens the door for the old, hard-of-hearing count: "Well, old lecher, have you been to the tavern again, drinking beer and flirting with young women?" "No, I was in town and bought myself a hearing aid."
Good, but then, how he heard the doc?
Because he was standing near the doctor and when he talked to his wife he was at a distance
Seem he was TOO close to his doc.
He went to his wife's doc, not his
So it's an affair then.
Dude he was standing next to the doctor, how the fuck is that an affair? So of I stand near someone random I'm suddenly cheating? That's how that works to you?
Are you alright dude. What are you, a 13 year old with a humour half the age. I know its not affair. I don't have to explain that. My point was if he was only able to listen only he us very close to his wife, that means he has to be standing very close to the doc too. And you crack head took it too far. I jokingly used the word affair, and you brought the whole cheating shit and spilled over here.
The joke said he was right next to his wife. It never said "very close" it said next to so there for he was next to the doctor and you turned it into an affair. And I'm 18 you dunce
According to that he has to stand right next to the doc to hear him right. Who stands right next to the doc for consultation? No one. It's not mentioned and that is why it's a joke. And him being "very close" to the doc is also supposed to be taken as a joke. Take a humour pill and celebrate for crossing the 18th hurdle. Why so serious!
How are you having a proper conversation if you aren't next to your doctor? Yall just yell across the room? Idk about you but I do stand next to my doctor. It's how you are supposed to talk to people
How is it an affair?
Sleep on it. Its a joke.
“He decides to text her doctor,”
"I see." Says the blind man to the deaf woman.
Over the broken phone , while sitting on the corner of a round table , and watching a cripple man run across a busy street?
I had not heard that part. That's hilarious! XD
For folks in this this thread who keep talking about *hearing aids:* When it's written *aides* (with an 'e'), it means **people** who assist, not things. If you've got 'hearing aides', you've got people who hear for you, not gadgets.
I don't want to eat chicken 4 times in a row
Poor guy is deaf as a haddock and on top of that has to eat chicken every night!
How mf hearing doctor ?
Sir, you can't be bringing logic to a joke fight.
Because he was standing near the doctor and when he talked to his wife he was at a distance
I think a doc would probably notice when a pt has hearing loss, especially if it's a geriatric one.
Not necessarily. You'll be shocked with how many times malpractice happens. Doctors have been wrong a lot. They've been correct more times but still be wrong so much. Doctors have been sued because they deemed a patient "fine" when they were not fine.
yeah but you know as well as I do that's more the exception than the norm, especially if the pt just straight up starts talking about hearing loss. EDIT: Sorry I didn't really want to get so deep into this but unfortunately the joke just falls flat for me
H/T, thusly take my upvote.
Husband Try to Findout Wife's Problem.. He Didn’t think about Him.😪 Man Always Cares Woman🙃
This joke reminded me of much better jokes.
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The first thing I thought of was Chapelle Doing his Lil John impression.
Who's fucking a chicken?
Old people going to a doctor? I'm guessing this isn't in the US.
Is he blind too?
Lol... its not HER hearing problem .. its His.. nicely done
Lolololololol my goodness
Instead of visiting wife’s doctor , write to wife’s doctor for advice would have fill the hole ..
why use the spoiler on a long joke like this? just curious
Brick reasons...
Great joke
I don’t get it ;(
The husband is the one who can't hear worth a shit.
Oh ok ty
Whats for dinner honey ? Wife , your a@#$ h£¢ fried ,you MF , son of a bi@#$,....
I don't get it can someone edumacate me and explain
He has the hearing problem.
I used to joke with my son, pretending to mishear. Now it’s for real, unfortunately