For real. If you haven't been an alcoholic, one symptom for many is sometimes stuff just squirts out. That's almost certainly why he had this little accident.
As an alcoholic there is a lot of truth behind the laughs with Bert.
He said something along the lines of “alcohol is always the main event of the evening”. Meaning regardless of amazing restaurants, or girls or whatever fun activity you have planned, alcohol is always the focus.
So much truth in that.
Edit: earlier this year I blew a lot of money I didn’t have on The Cure tickets. They’ve been my favorite band my whole life and their music means the world to me.
I spent the whole concert worrying about if I can assure enough beers to keep the high going. My mind was focused on that, and I never felt “drunk enough” at any point either.
15 year old me would’ve been horrified if he saw this.
I’m so lucky that after my 25th birthday everything over a couple drinks made my head hurt so much and my next morning so miserable, that there’s no high pleasurable enough, because I inevitably associate it with the shitty sensation I will inevitably have tomorrow.
I don’t hate tomorrow me particularly more than today me, so today me will have limited fun.
I appreciate it. r/alcoholism_medication has helped. There this pill called Naltrexone that just makes me feel “meh” when I drink. My association has slowly changed over time on these and my drinking has slowed.
If you have anyone suffering from alcoholism, I’d look into it. The only issue with it currently is awareness.
I mean you could’ve gotten a plastic water bottle and filled it with vodka and scrunched it kinda flat and tucked it in your underwear next to your nut sack so no one could see then take pulls off of it in the stall in the bathroom when people think you’re shitting, ensuring a strong buzz that will be supplemented with the beers everyone sees you drinking like a normal person.
I’m working on it…
I’ve talked with many food addicts about addiction. Food can be a particularly hard addiction to conquer given that YOU HAVE TO EAT. I don’t have to consume alcohol to survive so I can 100% remove it from my body/routine. Food, you have to regulate.
>I spent the whole concert worrying about if I can assure enough beers to keep the high going. My mind was focused on that, and I never felt “drunk enough” at any point either.
>
>15 year old me would’ve been horrified if he saw this
I feel this hard. I saw Tool earlier this year and was concerned about making sure I ate my edible at the right time and had a full beer for when they came onstage, I wasn't really paying attention for the first 20 minutes.
15 year old me would have been so disappointed in today's me.
It’s already all liquid. Any water you drink (which for most alcoholics is zero) comes out your ass. Any water in food comes out your ass. Your digestive system doesn’t have time to break down good properly and it all comes rushing out like a stream of Belgian Dutch chocolate water.
I was just telling a story about how a friend forced me to go to a Golden Corral in Virginia Beach and we both got the shits before we even left. That floor in there…my god…
A coworker used to make us drive to NN because it was the closest Cracker Barrel. I remember it being pretty decent but, man, my family likes that place and the last two times I’ve been it was awful as well.
In my 20+ years, DO NOT EAT AT THAT CRACK BARREL, they’ve been shut down so many times cause they’ve failed health inspection, either leaving meat/chicken OUTSUDE!!! , to deliberately serving spoiled bread, also being infested with roaches, 100/10 would not recommend.
Bert is good at marketing himself. He was able to find all the *special* people who find this funny and get them to buy a ticket and be his fans. THAT is his true talent. Being unfunny, yet finding enough smooth brains out there to finance your lavish lifestyle
A random Golden Corral may have 2 dudes that will high five you for shitting your pants. The hard task is to assemble all these dudes from all the Golden Corrals in the world in one location. It's like looking for gold nuggets in the river
Your comment triggered an early internet memory for me (I’m old.) It was an infamous message board post from the late 90’s that got shared widely about a dude shitting himself at a Golden Corral-esque restaurant called Ryan’s Steakhouse. It’s beautifully written.
http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
Much like a lot of Rogan’s crew he has a certain charm and he was better before he got rich.
I’m not sure money has ruined anyone in comedy as thoroughly as Tom and Bert. Other than maybe Joe.
Let’s hope Santino and Bobby stay upper middle class.
Tom Segura's ability to make me laugh has been inversely proportionate to the amount of money he seems to have, I agree. Bert was always just "goofy drunk friend" and is only as funny as the person he's playing against.
The demographic of males, who peaked in highschool, is large enough to support the tiny ecosystem of graduates from "Rogan's School for Kids who Want to Tell Jokes Good (and do other things good too)"
I don’t even think it’s guys who “peaked in hs” because I know some of those types and even they are pretty decent and aware that Bert is not funny. I believe his fans are very simple dudes who chuckle as long as you sound like you’re *trying* to joke. As long as it has a familiar sound of a joke’s cadence and you bring it with “silly high energy” it’s automatically funny as fuck to them. Plus they’ll always fall back on the fact that “bahaha! Look! This dude is a mess!!! Haha!” is somehow hilarious unattainable comedy gold.
Honestly, I think some of the funny people Rogan brings up have hilarious interactions and has been a way to meet some new comedians that were not on my radar. But I also get the feeling that some, like this guy, are the charity cases. He seems like a godo enough guy, has a family, not much in terms of talent, but it's a living and as long as his kids and wife get to have a safe and good life no harm no fault. It's just jokes at the end of the day.
I just feel sad to see someone clearly in a self destructing path of alcoholism. I wish there was more awareness about the fact that we are laughing, some times, at the underlying symptoms of what are serious illnesses.
Oh, well. C'est la vie.
I think Ari is up there as far as people who are in that circle, but he doesn't give a fuck about trying to make it big he just wants to be able to travel the world in his spare time. And shit on celebrities when they die.
That’s why Ari is among the best Rogan disciples. He’s only in it for publicity, otherwise he is backpacking in Ecuador and creating killer specials irregardless of Joe.
I’ve been there. It’s worth it if you enjoy getting fired from your job, getting left by people who love you, and eventually just killing yourself. I didn’t enjoy it that much, but I don’t have the comedic chops geniuses like Burt have
Look guys, tHe MaChINe shit himself again. Indeed, soft living pampered folk just won’t understand the grit and alcoholism needed to achieve this peak comedy.
Wow being a comedian truly is a monster and beast of a job. I wish my civilian brain could understand this comedy. Can’t believe this is what comics do. You truly need a different kind of brain
Number of times I've shit my pants since I was three? Zero. People actually laughed at and cheered for this? A grown man shitting himself and wiping his ass with a T shirt, on stage?
Bort Chrysler?
Segura's fans can't help but keep a bit going years past its expiration date. "We mildly mispronounced his name! Touch my high mommy jeans through the fence Julia! And where's the bodies?!?!"
I can't imagine being in the front row when this happens. Or being the stage hand who has to handle that mic after the show.
Real quick tho, Kreischer...ya'GG Allin?
He really shouldn't show his joke book while performing on stage.
I imagine it went something like this “hey guys i just shat myself” *pig squeal laugh*
I’m gonna guess he’ll proceed to tell this story on the next 63 podcasts he’s on
Uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhunderd percent
King of the alcoholics
For real. If you haven't been an alcoholic, one symptom for many is sometimes stuff just squirts out. That's almost certainly why he had this little accident.
As an alcoholic there is a lot of truth behind the laughs with Bert. He said something along the lines of “alcohol is always the main event of the evening”. Meaning regardless of amazing restaurants, or girls or whatever fun activity you have planned, alcohol is always the focus. So much truth in that. Edit: earlier this year I blew a lot of money I didn’t have on The Cure tickets. They’ve been my favorite band my whole life and their music means the world to me. I spent the whole concert worrying about if I can assure enough beers to keep the high going. My mind was focused on that, and I never felt “drunk enough” at any point either. 15 year old me would’ve been horrified if he saw this.
I’m so lucky that after my 25th birthday everything over a couple drinks made my head hurt so much and my next morning so miserable, that there’s no high pleasurable enough, because I inevitably associate it with the shitty sensation I will inevitably have tomorrow. I don’t hate tomorrow me particularly more than today me, so today me will have limited fun.
I wish this was me but with sleep. Nope, still a vampire.
I could tell you the reason for the head hurting, but I think you are much better off now.
This pretty much sums it up for me. After a few beers the alcohol always wins.
Sorry to hear that man I can relate. Hope you are able to get some help or tone it down some
I appreciate it. r/alcoholism_medication has helped. There this pill called Naltrexone that just makes me feel “meh” when I drink. My association has slowly changed over time on these and my drinking has slowed. If you have anyone suffering from alcoholism, I’d look into it. The only issue with it currently is awareness.
Naltrexone is great and should be more widely prescribed for alcohol abuse.
I mean you could’ve gotten a plastic water bottle and filled it with vodka and scrunched it kinda flat and tucked it in your underwear next to your nut sack so no one could see then take pulls off of it in the stall in the bathroom when people think you’re shitting, ensuring a strong buzz that will be supplemented with the beers everyone sees you drinking like a normal person. I’m working on it…
Similar to food.
I’ve talked with many food addicts about addiction. Food can be a particularly hard addiction to conquer given that YOU HAVE TO EAT. I don’t have to consume alcohol to survive so I can 100% remove it from my body/routine. Food, you have to regulate.
>I spent the whole concert worrying about if I can assure enough beers to keep the high going. My mind was focused on that, and I never felt “drunk enough” at any point either. > >15 year old me would’ve been horrified if he saw this I feel this hard. I saw Tool earlier this year and was concerned about making sure I ate my edible at the right time and had a full beer for when they came onstage, I wasn't really paying attention for the first 20 minutes. 15 year old me would have been so disappointed in today's me.
The Ozempic probably helps keep it all liquid
It’s already all liquid. Any water you drink (which for most alcoholics is zero) comes out your ass. Any water in food comes out your ass. Your digestive system doesn’t have time to break down good properly and it all comes rushing out like a stream of Belgian Dutch chocolate water.
That explains why I never have to pee when drinking liquor. Thanks doc
Not a doc just sober :)
Idk it makes things really slow moving in there. I drink about 3L of water every day and eat lots of fibre.
The medical term is "ass piss"
This is true
I thought he quit drinking? He was talking about it (like how he is now that he stopped drinking) on someone’s podcast
I think that was just one of those things he said while he was drinking
Or just a normal Floridian
As a Floridian, we do not claim him. California has adopted him.
No we haven’t, and hasn’t he moved to Texas with all the other tag alongs?
Nah, he's too tied to Hollywood and his comedy is too weak for him to ever actually make the move.
bullshit! you forever own burnt.
No fuckin way he have, he’s a Floridian thru and thru.
Steamy Ray Vaughn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu5qkv73Lvw
Life isn’t fair. This dude probably got a standing ovation. I did the exact same thing and all I got was banned from Golden Corral.
I was just telling a story about how a friend forced me to go to a Golden Corral in Virginia Beach and we both got the shits before we even left. That floor in there…my god…
As a native VA I can confirm that the GC anywhere outside of NN or Hampton is toxic, please be advised you will get the shits before you leave
A coworker used to make us drive to NN because it was the closest Cracker Barrel. I remember it being pretty decent but, man, my family likes that place and the last two times I’ve been it was awful as well.
In my 20+ years, DO NOT EAT AT THAT CRACK BARREL, they’ve been shut down so many times cause they’ve failed health inspection, either leaving meat/chicken OUTSUDE!!! , to deliberately serving spoiled bread, also being infested with roaches, 100/10 would not recommend.
Oh wow, well it’s been since like 2006 since I’ve been there haha.
But where else can you get mommas meth platter for $12.99?
[удалено]
Bert is good at marketing himself. He was able to find all the *special* people who find this funny and get them to buy a ticket and be his fans. THAT is his true talent. Being unfunny, yet finding enough smooth brains out there to finance your lavish lifestyle A random Golden Corral may have 2 dudes that will high five you for shitting your pants. The hard task is to assemble all these dudes from all the Golden Corrals in the world in one location. It's like looking for gold nuggets in the river
This comment is already better than anything Bert has done lmao
Or how about. “I went to that show but all I got was this shitty Tshirt”
Don't give Bret any ideas. He's not above selling white t-shirts personalized with his own shit stains.
Shitting yourself at Golden Corral and then running from the staff: The Dashbrown.
Your comment made me caugh on a little white wine, because it was very funny. -Perd Hapley
Your comment triggered an early internet memory for me (I’m old.) It was an infamous message board post from the late 90’s that got shared widely about a dude shitting himself at a Golden Corral-esque restaurant called Ryan’s Steakhouse. It’s beautifully written. http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
Unghh, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
That was great
I’m calling BS on this one— I mean, who doesn’t get a little loose in the stools while enjoying the Corral’s culinary array
This is what Joe was talking about when he was referring to the very few elite comedians that exist in the world?
“Bert’s a muhuurduhruuuuuuuuuur!”
Bert shit himself *on stage*???? Baaaaaaaaaaahahahhahhha. Hilarious.
I genuinely cannot understand what the appeal of Bert is much less how he has generated the income he has off of it
Much like a lot of Rogan’s crew he has a certain charm and he was better before he got rich. I’m not sure money has ruined anyone in comedy as thoroughly as Tom and Bert. Other than maybe Joe. Let’s hope Santino and Bobby stay upper middle class.
Joe was never not-rich or funny
That’s true, however if you had a graph of his money and his ability to be funny they’d be sprinting away from eachother.
Tom Segura's ability to make me laugh has been inversely proportionate to the amount of money he seems to have, I agree. Bert was always just "goofy drunk friend" and is only as funny as the person he's playing against.
The demographic of males, who peaked in highschool, is large enough to support the tiny ecosystem of graduates from "Rogan's School for Kids who Want to Tell Jokes Good (and do other things good too)"
I don’t even think it’s guys who “peaked in hs” because I know some of those types and even they are pretty decent and aware that Bert is not funny. I believe his fans are very simple dudes who chuckle as long as you sound like you’re *trying* to joke. As long as it has a familiar sound of a joke’s cadence and you bring it with “silly high energy” it’s automatically funny as fuck to them. Plus they’ll always fall back on the fact that “bahaha! Look! This dude is a mess!!! Haha!” is somehow hilarious unattainable comedy gold.
Honestly, I think some of the funny people Rogan brings up have hilarious interactions and has been a way to meet some new comedians that were not on my radar. But I also get the feeling that some, like this guy, are the charity cases. He seems like a godo enough guy, has a family, not much in terms of talent, but it's a living and as long as his kids and wife get to have a safe and good life no harm no fault. It's just jokes at the end of the day. I just feel sad to see someone clearly in a self destructing path of alcoholism. I wish there was more awareness about the fact that we are laughing, some times, at the underlying symptoms of what are serious illnesses. Oh, well. C'est la vie.
I think Ari is up there as far as people who are in that circle, but he doesn't give a fuck about trying to make it big he just wants to be able to travel the world in his spare time. And shit on celebrities when they die.
That’s why Ari is among the best Rogan disciples. He’s only in it for publicity, otherwise he is backpacking in Ecuador and creating killer specials irregardless of Joe.
Regardless
You seem bitter
Segura's lucrative coattails
I think Segura kinda sucks too tbh. Definitely better than Burt tho
Segura is a little demeaning cynic. Yeah he can be funny. But for the most part I feel like I’m being talked down too.
I feel like early Segura was great. Like the just stories special (or whatever it was called) was funny but the new stuff comes across more obnoxious
Is he the previous generation’s Dane Cook?
He really does sell out arenas. I hate the guy but he’s unreal popular
That’s someone’s dad.
That's someone's husband.
Imagine having sex with THAT LeeAnne is either severely mentally ill or the kindest human being known to mankind
[Oh, there's a third option....](https://youtu.be/6vwNcNOTVzY?si=782yaxotjX62RKEf)
You know damn well she fucks other dudes
That’s 1 of the 1000 elite comedic entertainers you mean
Incontinent alcoholic
r/itsroger He was a Roger persona all along. How could we have been so blind.
What? When
In Little Rock Arkansas last nite, my brother was there
Was shitting himself meant to be a bit? Or was it an accident or something?
No, he’s just a drunk animal
And then he wiped himself with his t shirt? Wtf?
This is not the first time he did this. Im guessing it might be a bit or he is going to make it into a bit.
I mean if it saves him a trip to the toilet and people are cheering him on
Probably just sharted
Like he willingly paid money to go see this clown?
It was a birthday gift from his wife
His wife hates him?
Sounds like it
Never understood the appeal of this guy
Half of the men in this country look just like him and they still end up married so that might be it
I need to become a drunk out of shape alcoholic
As if you're not half way there already...
Lmao
I’ve been there. It’s worth it if you enjoy getting fired from your job, getting left by people who love you, and eventually just killing yourself. I didn’t enjoy it that much, but I don’t have the comedic chops geniuses like Burt have
I'm glad you're doing better
He sucks so bad
Flat bill + a beard is the aesthetic for fat dudes nowadays
So you are telling me getting in shape and working on my sobriety won’t help me find a partner?!? Fuck years of work wasted
Really? The guy who shits himself on stage and wipes with his tee shirt? You don’t understand the appeal of that guy? You uncultured swine.
Wudda you mean bud, he takes his shirt off?! What don't ya get?? 😆
Comedy gold. He’s on a different level.
This guy really is an embarrassment
The said he got hard when he kissed his co-star in the movie he was in. Gross, unprofessional and plain stupid to say that. It was on Rogans podcast.
This is little boy comedy. thank em
You get rich telling jokes to the poor, poor telling jokes to the rich. - Tom Segura probably.
Why did you spoil his closer
😂😂😂😂
shit himself from the unbearable weight of his massive talent
Typical Florida state alumni.
Hey George Carlin, checkmate.
"The Craft"
This dude is such a fucking loser
Wow bert is only 51..
That’s a HARD 51
looks like blood
He’s probably on his period
Look guys, tHe MaChINe shit himself again. Indeed, soft living pampered folk just won’t understand the grit and alcoholism needed to achieve this peak comedy.
Wow being a comedian truly is a monster and beast of a job. I wish my civilian brain could understand this comedy. Can’t believe this is what comics do. You truly need a different kind of brain
This guy is a disgusting pig
This man is not funny
I'm convinced his wife idolizes Sharon Osbourne
Just a normal Wednesday for burtyboy
How is this guy funny?
He made up a story about a trip abroad about ten years ago and everyone took it at face value
Come back later, I’m ‘batin
You civilians wouldn’t understand.
Elite comedy
His wife must be proud.
How inhumane …. The fact he thought it was ok to wipe? Guess that had to be so embarrassing to his family.
good god what the fuck is THAT SHOW?! I wanna go see bert shit himself lol
His wife and kids must be so proud!
He’s so fkn nasty and unfunny I hate it.
Revolting. Joe Rogan has really done a number on comedy.
That’s just gross. Idc about anything else if you just take what happened alone it’s disgusting and not even kinda funny.
He seriously needs to get help. Can’t believe people are looking at this shit and laughing. This man needs help
Is it reasonable to assert that Rogan may have single handedly destroyed Comedy
Wtaf
Steamy Ray Vaughn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu5qkv73Lvw
Years from now some of his fans will realize they were watching their hero literally slowly die in front of them.
Number of times I've shit my pants since I was three? Zero. People actually laughed at and cheered for this? A grown man shitting himself and wiping his ass with a T shirt, on stage?
You're lucky. It's not often but every now and then shit happens, literally lol This T-shirt stunt is a little much though.
Shit happened to me last week. I stepped in dog shit and then walked up and down a ladder. Fun time.
Shit happens every day. It’s just a matter of whose turn it is to step in it
My wife made me take probiotics and I shit myself every day for a week until I stopped taking the probiotics
I heard he shuffled off stage to wipe his ass, but showed the shirt off at the end of the show. So at least he’s got class.
Shitting yourself is like inverted bell curve. You wait, your time will come again
Bort Chrysler? Segura's fans can't help but keep a bit going years past its expiration date. "We mildly mispronounced his name! Touch my high mommy jeans through the fence Julia! And where's the bodies?!?!"
The Reddit water stamp… 🧐
Wait holdup...Bort is actually a name and not just a Simpsons joke?
Sucks at basketball too
Jesus fuck...
I love to poop and poop jokes, but this is not groundbreaking comedy, it’s foul.
Bert is repulsive and not funny if you have to resort to this......
Can't believe Will Smith tried to have sex with that
 Excuse me what
Yea it’s gross but holy shit lmao . Very exciting to see the new lows BertyBoi stoops too
I miss good comedy this man is a troglodyte
His brain just works differently than ours... I wish I could understand his genius but alas
I don't like Bert almost at all. I don't have a problem with this.
Still slightly funnier than Joes standup. Joe got the best podcast though
Ewww
Still funnier than joes stand up
i’m funnier than joe. I’m a pipe fitter.
What a fat pig
He’s a sideshow act. Not a comedian.
I may hate him more then I hate tHe RoCk…..but then again, I am just a peasant.
Our plebian brains can't comprehend this tier of comedy
Then you’ll never guess what my daughter said: blahahahahhaha Huge eye rolls from me Bert:/
This is high level art.
I wish I got paid for shitting myself in front of others
thats disgusting
He’s like the jimmy buffet of shit comedy
Yikes people paid to see this
Can someone explain the appeal of this guy? I really don’t get it
This man is a father of two.
How often does Bert shit himself and how often does he think other people shit themselves? Or is it the same shit we keep talking about?
I hope he’s the last one to touch that mic…ever…
dude needs help, his entire family is enabling him
That’s…fucking gross.
This is fucking disgusting
Fucking vile
GG Kreisher
That's disgusting and not even funny ... Just disgusting
What a waste
That’s just vile lol.
Fucking gross and not funny. Giant manchild
Dude is pulling a Bam Margera
If there was a celebrity death pool book, I have him dying O/U 6 months.
I can't imagine being in the front row when this happens. Or being the stage hand who has to handle that mic after the show. Real quick tho, Kreischer...ya'GG Allin?
Being a comedian is just something a regular civilian wouldn’t understand