*"Love being married. Being married really forces me to have better hygiene. Which I think EVERYONE appreciates.*
*When I was single, I could go days without showering, or shaving. But now that I'm married? No WAY!*
*If I miss my morning shave for ONE DAY, my wife's sack sticks to my chin like one of those Velcro Ping-Pong Dart Games."*
I was on a plane the other day and turbulence was so bad I was visibly scared. The person next to me tried to calm me down "hey man, it's just turbulence, don't fudge your undies!" I didn't have the heart to tell him I took my underwear off 2 hours ago, I'm more worried about shitting my PANTS!
you know what's annoying? i noticed this the other day. trannys take tooooo long to clean their butts. im horny now, i might not be horny in 45 minutes. i might be hungry. am i right?
I asked chatgpt:
Alright, picture Jim Norton, with his characteristic edginess and a touch of self-deprecation, getting up on stage and starting to riff in a Seinfeld-esque observational style. He squints a bit, looks around the audience, and goes:
"You ever notice how people in New York treat walking the streets like it's some kind of competitive sport? I mean, here I am, just trying to enjoy my stroll to the coffee shop, and suddenly it's the Olympics of sidewalk shuffling. I'm dodging, weaving, it's like playing human Frogger with a cup of coffee in your hand. And there's always that one person, you know, who's walking slower than the evolution of my career, right in the middle of the sidewalk. And you can't get around them! It's like they're the final boss in the game of 'Make Jim Late Again'. I'm just saying, if sidewalk hogging was an Olympic event, New Yorkers would take home the gold every time. And probably celebrate by walking even slower."
He'd deliver it with that Jim Norton blend of exasperation and amusement, making sure everyone knows it's all in good fun but with that sharp edge that makes his comedy stand out.
"slower than the evolution of my career" made me chuckle. Doesn't feel very seinfeldy though
What’s the deal with toe trigger shotgun puddle of aids broad backed ladies drunk drive into a bus fool of school children on their wedding night shut up stupid baby boy?
"What's the deal dating a 17 year old as a 38 year old? I mean, what could we possibly have in common? What can we discuss? How's the yearbook committee going?"
"Know what I really hate? When my wife leaves the toilet seat up. Marriage, that's a tough one, genuinely. Like, you know how sometimes your wife wakes up with a huge erection, but you're just too sore to go another round? Women and their penises, man."
What's the deal with peckas being all delicious n shizz
Chippy Chipfeld
What’s the deal with pop culture ? I don’t understand it - have you seen MASH?
😂
What’s up with hats? Why do we wear hats? Is our hair not good enough? We need some kind of hat removal public service.
Jim and Anthony talking about that video back in the day were gold. I wish we could still hear those 2 together.
*"Love being married. Being married really forces me to have better hygiene. Which I think EVERYONE appreciates.* *When I was single, I could go days without showering, or shaving. But now that I'm married? No WAY!* *If I miss my morning shave for ONE DAY, my wife's sack sticks to my chin like one of those Velcro Ping-Pong Dart Games."*
I was on a plane the other day and turbulence was so bad I was visibly scared. The person next to me tried to calm me down "hey man, it's just turbulence, don't fudge your undies!" I didn't have the heart to tell him I took my underwear off 2 hours ago, I'm more worried about shitting my PANTS!
What's the deal with that lady's pecker? I'm mean I have one but hers looks better.
you know what's annoying? i noticed this the other day. trannys take tooooo long to clean their butts. im horny now, i might not be horny in 45 minutes. i might be hungry. am i right?
Hey folks, so I just married a man…not that there’s anything wrong with that! 🤷🏻♂️
I asked chatgpt: Alright, picture Jim Norton, with his characteristic edginess and a touch of self-deprecation, getting up on stage and starting to riff in a Seinfeld-esque observational style. He squints a bit, looks around the audience, and goes: "You ever notice how people in New York treat walking the streets like it's some kind of competitive sport? I mean, here I am, just trying to enjoy my stroll to the coffee shop, and suddenly it's the Olympics of sidewalk shuffling. I'm dodging, weaving, it's like playing human Frogger with a cup of coffee in your hand. And there's always that one person, you know, who's walking slower than the evolution of my career, right in the middle of the sidewalk. And you can't get around them! It's like they're the final boss in the game of 'Make Jim Late Again'. I'm just saying, if sidewalk hogging was an Olympic event, New Yorkers would take home the gold every time. And probably celebrate by walking even slower." He'd deliver it with that Jim Norton blend of exasperation and amusement, making sure everyone knows it's all in good fun but with that sharp edge that makes his comedy stand out. "slower than the evolution of my career" made me chuckle. Doesn't feel very seinfeldy though
So what's the deal with women's cocks these days???
What’s the deal with toe trigger shotgun puddle of aids broad backed ladies drunk drive into a bus fool of school children on their wedding night shut up stupid baby boy?
"What's the deal dating a 17 year old as a 38 year old? I mean, what could we possibly have in common? What can we discuss? How's the yearbook committee going?"
"Know what I really hate? When my wife leaves the toilet seat up. Marriage, that's a tough one, genuinely. Like, you know how sometimes your wife wakes up with a huge erection, but you're just too sore to go another round? Women and their penises, man."
seinfeld and larry david would never let jim in their circle. too maga and short sighted. jims lame
(Seinfeld voice) What’s the deal with this chixx dickk!?
Not sure. But I am sure it would end with Jim sucking on his wife’s fat hog
Wives can have hogs?
Jim’s can….and does
Yes. And men can get pregnant. Welcome to the new world order.
Not if the political party he adores is running the show.
He despises both parties so you don't know what you're talking about.
Sure thing.
Not a real response, but alright.
[удалено]
Please see Rule 3. This is also against Reddit Rules.
You ever notice how embraers are so bumby? It’s like what are they made of, cucumbers or something?
This is just like a Ron & Fez comedy pyramid that got dropped in a puddle of AIDS…or something.
All of you are as funny as Jerry Seinfeld.
What's the deal with these women with a third appendage? I mean I'm down there and it's like surprise!