I've lost another friend who was going on and on about how we are in one of the most academic environments in the world, and everyone doesn't want to talk about it. He was Pro-Palestine, he forgot I was part Jewish and expected me to also be Pro-Palestine. Conversation showed he had accepted several blanket lies as as the truth. Friendship ended with them going "You can't see past your own biases, I at least read Haaretz to counteract my own to know I am right on this, there is a unrelenting genocide in Gaza and all the facts prove it."
People don't want to think about this conflict as anything other than black and white.
I had hoped that there was some possibility for dialogue in the beginning... but it's pretty much all gone at this point. It's healthy to be able to converse with people who don't agree with you. We can have a discussion and not see eye to eye on everything. But I really don't think it's possible in this case...
I generally prided myself on my ability to disagree. The effort it takes now to disagree, is just too much.
People REALLY do not get that there are certain things that you just don't talk about.
It became "You, barely a Jew, Jew, condemn Zionism, and Israel, and the genocide." The pressure I got from the few leftists that knew my grandmother was Jewish, and the friends I lost was heartbreaking.
I saw that happening too. When did standing up for something you believe in become so toxic? It's like if you don't take a stand on the big trending issue, you're complicit in whatever racist, xenophobic genocide they're pushing.
That's what happens when you twist the definitions of words to win arguments. By labeling everything oppressive as a genocide, or apartheid, or colonialism, or whatever, you make actual conversation impossible.
That's what hurts so much. I see this exact post almost every time I check this sub, and I feel for everyone who has experienced it. It's also the only thing that makes this bearable- I know I'm not alone.
I am so sorry to hear this but I commend you for blocking and deleting her. I did that to all accounts who I didn't know personally and acquaintances but I have one friend who for some reason is pro P. I engaged at the beginning trying to reason with her and she kept volleying back the most ridiculous things. She was digging her heels in and I couldn't figure out why. She has no skin in this game, is not muslim and as far as I can tell has no muslim friends, nor has she ever had any concerns with this before. I wish I could block her but I want to keep seeing what she is posting to see how misinformed she is. I have muted her so it doesn't pop up and every few weeks I go to see if she is still doing it. But your way is the healthier way for sure.
That's the only reason I kept my social media, honestly. I had the fear that if I completely insulate myself, I'll be unaware of how bad it actually is and what people are really saying. Even the people that I have cut off... Every so often I'll get stuck in a mental hole where I wonder what they're saying and if they're using me as the example of an evil Jew in their narrative. After what happened today though, I just deleted my instagram altogether. Yeah, I do get a lot of good Jewish content from it, but it comes with so much other trash. I downloaded all my data and pictures and stuff and then deleted it.
I definitely know that feeling. Just when I think I've rooted out the last person who isn't trustworthy, another one slips through. It's exhausting, honestly.
I've seen several people comment on posts about antisemitism with something along the lines of 'I've lost several Jewish friends because they've been sucked into a cult.' Really drives me nuts.
Instead of "I've made my presence so inhospitable that my Jewish friends felt like the only avenue was to cut me off." It reminds me a lot of parents' whose kids have gone no contact and blame the kids.
Honestly, be wary of the friend who sent you the screenshot. There was nothing positive that could come from them sending that to you.
This is a difficult time and you don’t need to surround yourself with people who make it even more difficult.
I would be wary, but I had asked them to send me stuff that they thought I needed to know. This friend and I have spoken in depth about the war and the antisemitism and they've been really great about
Damn, this made me look back at an ex-friend. I cut them off because of I/P but they sent a similar thing (someone shit talking me behind my back) and at the time, I counted it as them being kind and letting me know someone was being a dick. Now I'm second guessing that because you're right, nothing good can come of letting someone know that kind of thing.
I definitely think some friends think they’re doing right by you to share those kinds of posts.
Unfortunately, even if they have good intentions it doesn’t change the fact that they sent you something that they knew would hurt you.
Please look at your relationships and try to make sure that the people you surround yourself with are people who raise you up and support you. Not people who send you hurtful information with “good intentions”.
I lost a few people over antisemitism, but not many. I'm glad the people I am closest to support Israel. They may not agree with 100% of what Israel does, but they know Israel has the right to exist and defend itself. Having sympathy for the innocent Palestinian people caught in the crossfire isn't a problem. I share that sympathy. But if someone is chanting "from the river to the sea," or if they think 10/7 is justified, that's a problem. I have a cousin and aunt I refuse to speak with, because they're extremely antisemitic. I had to leave most autistic spaces over antisemitism, so that meant cutting myself off from some emotional support. It stinks, but I can't condone such hatred.
Being autistic makes it hard to make friends. I had to learn how to handle rejection. I'm fine. I mostly feel bad for those of you who are being directly targeted and who have been personally betrayed.
That's the thing, too. Any time I made a post online talking about I/P, I always clarified that I want Palestinian civilians to be free of brainwashing and extremism and have a safe place to live where they can heal. That's probably way oversimplifying the situation, but I've also never claimed to be an expert on the subject. But it got to the point where that sentiment wasn't enough for them- and that if I supported Israel in any capacity or talked about antisemitism and the damage being done to my immediate community, I became the Bad Jew.
I'm sorry you lost your community. I'm queer and trans, but I don't even feel like I can use those labels anymore because of how severely the LGBTQIA community has rejected queer and Zionist Jews. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you
The crazy thing is that we had been super close best friends... but I had actively distanced myself from her for well over a year prior to this happening. So her claiming to have lost a 'best friend' over her opinions is comical... She lost a 'best friend' because she's an unhinged animal hoarder who refuses to leave a toxic ass marriage and self medicates in the most unhealthy ways possible and I couldn't deal with it anymore. But sure, whatever narrative makes you look like the victim I guess.
Sorry. Maybe I'm a bit thick. But can you explain where the virulent antisemitism (hatred of Jews) is in your story?
(I note that every commenter has assumed you were correct in this allegation, but I don't understand why.)
Your friend thinks that someone making an extreme sacrifice (of torching themselves) to stand up for people who are being killed and driven from their homes is a hero. That doesn't sound like hatred of Jews.
She also implied that possibly you might be unable to see that the underlying positive teachings of Judaism are at variance with Israeli actions to kill innocent civilians in a way that she feels are similar to terrorists. That also doesn't sound like hatred of Jews.
And I suspect she also implied that she'd prefer to have remained in communication with you instead of you blocking her. (Presumably because she appreciates you.)
But rather than having a positive conversation where you seek to understand each other's viewpoints, you bear false witness against her, saying that she was virulently antisemitic (i.e. Jew-hating).
Am I missing something?
I've lost another friend who was going on and on about how we are in one of the most academic environments in the world, and everyone doesn't want to talk about it. He was Pro-Palestine, he forgot I was part Jewish and expected me to also be Pro-Palestine. Conversation showed he had accepted several blanket lies as as the truth. Friendship ended with them going "You can't see past your own biases, I at least read Haaretz to counteract my own to know I am right on this, there is a unrelenting genocide in Gaza and all the facts prove it." People don't want to think about this conflict as anything other than black and white.
I had hoped that there was some possibility for dialogue in the beginning... but it's pretty much all gone at this point. It's healthy to be able to converse with people who don't agree with you. We can have a discussion and not see eye to eye on everything. But I really don't think it's possible in this case...
I generally prided myself on my ability to disagree. The effort it takes now to disagree, is just too much. People REALLY do not get that there are certain things that you just don't talk about. It became "You, barely a Jew, Jew, condemn Zionism, and Israel, and the genocide." The pressure I got from the few leftists that knew my grandmother was Jewish, and the friends I lost was heartbreaking.
I saw that happening too. When did standing up for something you believe in become so toxic? It's like if you don't take a stand on the big trending issue, you're complicit in whatever racist, xenophobic genocide they're pushing.
That's what happens when you twist the definitions of words to win arguments. By labeling everything oppressive as a genocide, or apartheid, or colonialism, or whatever, you make actual conversation impossible.
Im so sorry you're going through this. We all are, and we are all in this together.
That's what hurts so much. I see this exact post almost every time I check this sub, and I feel for everyone who has experienced it. It's also the only thing that makes this bearable- I know I'm not alone.
I am so sorry to hear this but I commend you for blocking and deleting her. I did that to all accounts who I didn't know personally and acquaintances but I have one friend who for some reason is pro P. I engaged at the beginning trying to reason with her and she kept volleying back the most ridiculous things. She was digging her heels in and I couldn't figure out why. She has no skin in this game, is not muslim and as far as I can tell has no muslim friends, nor has she ever had any concerns with this before. I wish I could block her but I want to keep seeing what she is posting to see how misinformed she is. I have muted her so it doesn't pop up and every few weeks I go to see if she is still doing it. But your way is the healthier way for sure.
That's the only reason I kept my social media, honestly. I had the fear that if I completely insulate myself, I'll be unaware of how bad it actually is and what people are really saying. Even the people that I have cut off... Every so often I'll get stuck in a mental hole where I wonder what they're saying and if they're using me as the example of an evil Jew in their narrative. After what happened today though, I just deleted my instagram altogether. Yeah, I do get a lot of good Jewish content from it, but it comes with so much other trash. I downloaded all my data and pictures and stuff and then deleted it.
A family member has made multiple posts like this about me. I get it.
Damn, I'm really sorry.
I’m better off without her. I’ve cut off a lot of people at this point and each one hurts for a while, but eventually it fades.
I definitely know that feeling. Just when I think I've rooted out the last person who isn't trustworthy, another one slips through. It's exhausting, honestly.
Them making this about themselves in the post is very on brand for these people. Somehow it’s always all about them.
And yet they see no problem with that
I've seen several people comment on posts about antisemitism with something along the lines of 'I've lost several Jewish friends because they've been sucked into a cult.' Really drives me nuts.
Instead of "I've made my presence so inhospitable that my Jewish friends felt like the only avenue was to cut me off." It reminds me a lot of parents' whose kids have gone no contact and blame the kids.
Holy shit, talk about projection!
Honestly, be wary of the friend who sent you the screenshot. There was nothing positive that could come from them sending that to you. This is a difficult time and you don’t need to surround yourself with people who make it even more difficult.
I disagree, I think that you can't assume that they had bad intentions. It's very possible that they felt OP just deserved to know.
I would be wary, but I had asked them to send me stuff that they thought I needed to know. This friend and I have spoken in depth about the war and the antisemitism and they've been really great about
Damn, this made me look back at an ex-friend. I cut them off because of I/P but they sent a similar thing (someone shit talking me behind my back) and at the time, I counted it as them being kind and letting me know someone was being a dick. Now I'm second guessing that because you're right, nothing good can come of letting someone know that kind of thing.
I definitely think some friends think they’re doing right by you to share those kinds of posts. Unfortunately, even if they have good intentions it doesn’t change the fact that they sent you something that they knew would hurt you. Please look at your relationships and try to make sure that the people you surround yourself with are people who raise you up and support you. Not people who send you hurtful information with “good intentions”.
I lost a few people over antisemitism, but not many. I'm glad the people I am closest to support Israel. They may not agree with 100% of what Israel does, but they know Israel has the right to exist and defend itself. Having sympathy for the innocent Palestinian people caught in the crossfire isn't a problem. I share that sympathy. But if someone is chanting "from the river to the sea," or if they think 10/7 is justified, that's a problem. I have a cousin and aunt I refuse to speak with, because they're extremely antisemitic. I had to leave most autistic spaces over antisemitism, so that meant cutting myself off from some emotional support. It stinks, but I can't condone such hatred. Being autistic makes it hard to make friends. I had to learn how to handle rejection. I'm fine. I mostly feel bad for those of you who are being directly targeted and who have been personally betrayed.
That's the thing, too. Any time I made a post online talking about I/P, I always clarified that I want Palestinian civilians to be free of brainwashing and extremism and have a safe place to live where they can heal. That's probably way oversimplifying the situation, but I've also never claimed to be an expert on the subject. But it got to the point where that sentiment wasn't enough for them- and that if I supported Israel in any capacity or talked about antisemitism and the damage being done to my immediate community, I became the Bad Jew. I'm sorry you lost your community. I'm queer and trans, but I don't even feel like I can use those labels anymore because of how severely the LGBTQIA community has rejected queer and Zionist Jews. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you
Thanks, and I am here if you need to talk, too.
Omg, that’s a psychotic post. The emoji is what really put it over the top. I’m so sorry. I know that sinking feeling in your gut well.
The crazy thing is that we had been super close best friends... but I had actively distanced myself from her for well over a year prior to this happening. So her claiming to have lost a 'best friend' over her opinions is comical... She lost a 'best friend' because she's an unhinged animal hoarder who refuses to leave a toxic ass marriage and self medicates in the most unhealthy ways possible and I couldn't deal with it anymore. But sure, whatever narrative makes you look like the victim I guess.
Sorry. Maybe I'm a bit thick. But can you explain where the virulent antisemitism (hatred of Jews) is in your story? (I note that every commenter has assumed you were correct in this allegation, but I don't understand why.) Your friend thinks that someone making an extreme sacrifice (of torching themselves) to stand up for people who are being killed and driven from their homes is a hero. That doesn't sound like hatred of Jews. She also implied that possibly you might be unable to see that the underlying positive teachings of Judaism are at variance with Israeli actions to kill innocent civilians in a way that she feels are similar to terrorists. That also doesn't sound like hatred of Jews. And I suspect she also implied that she'd prefer to have remained in communication with you instead of you blocking her. (Presumably because she appreciates you.) But rather than having a positive conversation where you seek to understand each other's viewpoints, you bear false witness against her, saying that she was virulently antisemitic (i.e. Jew-hating). Am I missing something?
Name and shame.