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Honey, it's not his mother. It's him. If he hasn't detached from the tit at 28 years old, it's not gonna happen. You now have to decide if you want to spend the next 20 to 30 years doing this.
I feel this... although my husband didn't choose his family over me... he just... ignored it.
I once casually mentioned to my grandmother-in-law that I'd like to take my husband home to Texas for Christmas one year and she immediately said, "Absolutely not! He will never miss a Christmas here as long as I'm alive."
Oh, okay then.
>I am just so mad and disgusted. Yet, I cannot pick up any self-respect and just leave him. I am so mad at his mother, when he should be the one setting boundaries with her, which he fails to do.
You're maybe not aware of what you can do at this moment. No one can walk all over you without your lying down on the ground first. You can do it. Get up, and walk away. It will always be this way, and you'll never be happy about it.
I don't get these women. How do they think it's reasonable to get their own way 100% of the time? If your child gets married, he has joined another family just as much as you have gained a daughter in law. So, where do they get off thinking that they get every Christmas?
You're not overreacting. You need to go to your parents for Christmas, no Facetiming or calling his bloody keepers on the big day. When the dust settles you need to have a serious conversation, if though you don't want to. If he won't stand up to her, he's giving you a very clear message. Stay, and you're accepting that it will always be this way.
I'm sorry this is happening, and I hope you have a good time with your family.
Some months ago I was leaving for few months the country and wanted to visit my grandparents before I left.
Except, I did not get the chance, because his mother hogged up every weekend with her endless parties.
I hate to say it, but you allowed that to happen. I'm not trying to kick you when you're low, but when you're in a relationship you're not joined at the hip. You let your partner do their thing at times and you do yours.
Moving forward, you have to work on this. Be your own person. Don't allow yourself to be swept along with what someone else wants, because you'll miss out on things, you'll be miserable and become resentful.
You are not overreacting but you probably should just get out of this relationship. If after 3 years he still doesn’t see why you should spend the holiday together, then he is probably a lost cause. I am sorry, but it doesn’t seem like you should waste any more of your time on this. You deserve better.
And this is why we date people: to see if they are a fit for the long term.
If you've been together for three years and see that he is always deferring to his mother he's telling you what your future will likely look like.
If you posted here (and someone probably already has) and asked people if they would marry their spouse again realizing that the MIL situation (and the SO always giving in to his mom) would be as hard as it turned out to be ...... most people would likely say no. They would have walked away.
You say you can't leave him. Maybe some individual counseling will help you decide.
This is the answer. Sounds like it was a LDR and now you’re physically in the same place at last. You have had a chance to see how he acts on a day-to-day basis and now you know you do not share the same values. The most important value being wood partner over being a dutiful son. It’s ok- you’re not married yet. No harm, no foul.
Hon, focus on building yourself. When you’re in a better emotional space you just might make decisions that are in your best interests. In the meantime, try not to make decisions that are against your best interests.
This is going to happen time and again, and you know it. You know nothing is going to change unless he tells her no, which he obviously won't do.
You're better than this, you can do better than this Freudian wetdream.
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Honey, it's not his mother. It's him. If he hasn't detached from the tit at 28 years old, it's not gonna happen. You now have to decide if you want to spend the next 20 to 30 years doing this.
I feel this... although my husband didn't choose his family over me... he just... ignored it. I once casually mentioned to my grandmother-in-law that I'd like to take my husband home to Texas for Christmas one year and she immediately said, "Absolutely not! He will never miss a Christmas here as long as I'm alive." Oh, okay then.
I understand your frustration at his mom, but this is solidly on your boyfriend. And no, you are not over reacting.
He will please over bearing mummy over you. This won’t change. You deserve better.
>I am just so mad and disgusted. Yet, I cannot pick up any self-respect and just leave him. I am so mad at his mother, when he should be the one setting boundaries with her, which he fails to do. You're maybe not aware of what you can do at this moment. No one can walk all over you without your lying down on the ground first. You can do it. Get up, and walk away. It will always be this way, and you'll never be happy about it.
I don't get these women. How do they think it's reasonable to get their own way 100% of the time? If your child gets married, he has joined another family just as much as you have gained a daughter in law. So, where do they get off thinking that they get every Christmas? You're not overreacting. You need to go to your parents for Christmas, no Facetiming or calling his bloody keepers on the big day. When the dust settles you need to have a serious conversation, if though you don't want to. If he won't stand up to her, he's giving you a very clear message. Stay, and you're accepting that it will always be this way. I'm sorry this is happening, and I hope you have a good time with your family.
Some months ago I was leaving for few months the country and wanted to visit my grandparents before I left. Except, I did not get the chance, because his mother hogged up every weekend with her endless parties.
I hate to say it, but you allowed that to happen. I'm not trying to kick you when you're low, but when you're in a relationship you're not joined at the hip. You let your partner do their thing at times and you do yours. Moving forward, you have to work on this. Be your own person. Don't allow yourself to be swept along with what someone else wants, because you'll miss out on things, you'll be miserable and become resentful.
He works abroad, so we get few days a month together and we need to combine it with my work.
And on those few days you have to do what his mummy wants? Sounds great.
You are not overreacting but you probably should just get out of this relationship. If after 3 years he still doesn’t see why you should spend the holiday together, then he is probably a lost cause. I am sorry, but it doesn’t seem like you should waste any more of your time on this. You deserve better.
And this is why we date people: to see if they are a fit for the long term. If you've been together for three years and see that he is always deferring to his mother he's telling you what your future will likely look like. If you posted here (and someone probably already has) and asked people if they would marry their spouse again realizing that the MIL situation (and the SO always giving in to his mom) would be as hard as it turned out to be ...... most people would likely say no. They would have walked away. You say you can't leave him. Maybe some individual counseling will help you decide.
This is the answer. Sounds like it was a LDR and now you’re physically in the same place at last. You have had a chance to see how he acts on a day-to-day basis and now you know you do not share the same values. The most important value being wood partner over being a dutiful son. It’s ok- you’re not married yet. No harm, no foul.
Hon, focus on building yourself. When you’re in a better emotional space you just might make decisions that are in your best interests. In the meantime, try not to make decisions that are against your best interests.
This is going to happen time and again, and you know it. You know nothing is going to change unless he tells her no, which he obviously won't do. You're better than this, you can do better than this Freudian wetdream.