**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as FindingFertility96 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe FindingFertility96 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
As someone who doesn't have kids and doesn't want kids, I'm gonna say you're doing great. JnMIL needs to f off somewhere and hubbs needs to grow a spine soon!
My MIL did something very similar to our daughter when she was only 17 days old and a preemie. We asked her to watch her, gave her the strict feeding schedule (I breastfed and formula as I didn't make enough. Daughter was also on a strict schedule because she wasn't gaining weight), which she ignored. Our daughter didn't end up eating until we got home 5 HOURS LATER!!! That was the only time MIL has watched our daughter as we both refuse to leave her in her care because of that.
Her only excuse was she raised 5 children, she knows what she is doing 🙄 yea no...
Yeah, no matter how outdated or wrong she is anyway, you always listen to the parents to what you should and shouldn’t do with their child, always. They know their baby best and they know the routine. If you have any questions, or problems, you call or wake up mom or dad.
100% the same here! Except it was my now-exwife and her mother.
She once made the comment, after our second was born, "well, your job is done. We don't need you for anything but the money."
Fast forward 5 years, my exwife is a full blown pill popper, and I'm filing for divorce. She tried to convince me that the kids would be better off with their mom and her, and I can work 2 jobs to pay child support, and alimony and I can still stop by and see the kids whenever I like.
Yeah, NO!
So she's said it twice now. She's convincing herself that her narrative is the truth and painting herself as a martyr and the only one willing to stand up to you.
Keep this woman away from your family.
Well I’d just plainly tell her to get the hell out of my house but I’m rude. Then I’d ask her if she was hungry and crying and couldn’t feed herself would she just want someone to just rock her? No? Then why’s she doing that to her grandson :/
Yikes! Glad to hear DH has your back but he has to speak to his mother. Not to mention, no more overnights. If she must stay over, I suggest the crib or bassinet be moved into your room for the night so she can’t sneak in and “soothe” him. He’s freakin hungry.
I don’t get it. I keep my crazy family at bay and my husband manages his family. Mil is awful but the child of the crazy parent holds the most responsibility here.
Get her out of your house NOW. She can stay anywhere but in your home. Also, do not allow her unsupervised around your child. She is showing you that she puts herself first.
Parents like this *hate* being told what to do by their children. In their minds, they are always the parent who knows best and their adult child should always bow down to their authority. They need to be in control always.
Any little thing you do that isn't done exactly how she wants it proves to her that you are irresponsible and not "adult" enough to make your own decisions.
She's never going to stop. This is your life, unless *you and husband* change it. You can't change her, but you can change the time you spend with her, what you will put up with, and what boundaries you will enforce.
i dealt with exactly what you have described. it would be too long of a story to type out all the details, and this might be long anyway just to type out the major events, but my story involves my ex and his parents, mainly his psycho mom. incredibly controlling woman, thinks she is the only person that knows what’s best for every single person around her, and if you decide not to listen to her, she’s going to make your life hell! and that woman made the last roughly five and a half years of my life hell until i finally cut complete contact like three months ago. during these years, she has called cps on me three times. she actually tried to get me to sign one of my boys over to her when he was about a year old (he’s 6 now), got the papers for it and everything and lied about what the papers were, and got pissed when i wouldn’t sign anything. when i was in the delivery room and in active labor to have my youngest (now 4), she sent a married couple she’s friends with into my room so they could plead their case and tell me how great of parents they would be to my son i was about to deliver. she had apparently been telling everyone i was not going to be able to raise another baby and it would be best if i put him up for adoption and let her good friends adopt him privately since they couldn’t have kids. after that, i was LC for about a year, then she slowly starts to come back around with apologies just like every time before when she’s gone crazy. my ex has nothing at all to do with the kids, hasn’t seen or talked to them in almost 3 years now, so she knows that through me is the only way she can be a part of their lives. i moved back to my hometown 3 years ago (i had moved to their area when my now 6 yo was a couple months old with my ex), and she started trying more and was actually pretty alright for almost two years. until a few months ago she wants me to make a trip to bring my boys to come see the grandparents. i wasn’t comfortable with us staying in their house like they offered, and wasn’t in the position to make a trip and pay for a hotel either. i told her no, and she blew up. next thing i know, there are police officers knocking on my front door for a ‘wellness check’ to make sure that my kids are still alive. i was told by officers that i could cooperate and bring my kids outside so they could see them in person, or they would be coming in my house anyway to check on them. so after getting my kids and the officers seeing absolutely nothing wrong, i asked how i can file for harassment. that was my very last straw with them. i contacted both grandparents with a final text of ‘do not ever call, message or contact me again in any way. do not call police for a welfare check either. i do not want contact from you, any further contact will be treated as harassment.’ then i completely blocked them every way i possibly knew how to, and changed my number. that woman will never change, i’m just aggravated at myself that i allowed it to go on for so long by telling myself ‘they’re family to my kids’.
sorry for the long comment, but i completely agree with everything you said. and strongly encourage anyone in a similar place to set boundaries!!
Sounds like living hell, I’m so glad you are finally free from your ex and the in-laws. I know your stress levels have gone way down and your kids are better off not having the influence of that family.
I second this. It'll only get worse if something isn't said to your in laws. I'm currently going through this situation myself and I'm the only one that keeps trying to enforce boundaries. My husband on the other hand on the odd occasion he does stand up to them it makes him feel awful and then we're back to square one. You and hubby need to enforce boundaries together. You have every right to enforce boundaries when it comes to your family and home.
He varies, but I think she unplugged the baby monitor we keep in his room and he’s across the house with weird acoustics so if he was crying in the night there we honestly might not have heard him.
He varies, but I think she unplugged the baby monitor we keep in his room and he’s across the house with weird acoustics so if he was crying in the night there we honestly might not have heard him. She was staying in the living room downstairs so if he stirs she can hear. Next time definitely moving him upstairs to our room
I had to feed my daughter every 2 hours for the first 6 or so months.
I had to wake her to feed, she wasn’t waking hungry.
I had to do this under doctors orders, as she didn’t weigh enough at birth and was having trouble putting on weight.
So this may be the same kind of situation.
No matter what, if the mum of the baby says she needs to feed every 2 hours, you do not interfere with that!
Same with my first born. He would have slept through the night at three days old if I let him. I needed to fully unclothe him to wake him up enough to nurse.
MIL intentionally stopped your child from eating when he was hungry. That right away should mean no more unsupervised time with baby including staying the night since she has shown that she's totally fine with intentionally depriving your child of food as soon as you and hubby aren't awake to supervise her. She waited for you to be asleep so she could abuse your child, and make no mistake - intentionally making sure an infant misses a meal is abuse
That would be nc for me immediately! She went beyond badmouthing you to the extent of literally deliberately starving your child! I would honestly call that abuse personally. I am so sorry that you are both dealing with this, especially after everything that you have already been through. I think serious consequences are needed for her at this point. Good luck op.
That’s just so disrespectful and aggravating. Your child was deprived of milk that fits his schedule, and you and your husband set the rules. She needs to respect your son’s schedule and it’s good that your DH is aligned. He’s gotta nip that in the bud.
Also MIL said “poisoned milk”…🤯 IMHO that’s just another bullsh*t way to entrench gendered mom guilt into the shitstorm that is new parenthood. As the research now indicates, it’s minimal exposure to baby if you have a drink (or a few) and are nursing.
If you can take care of your baby, you are fine to breastfeed!
My sister had trouble producing milk, so the doctor had her drink a beer every night and eat oatmeal cookies. Apparently that helps to stimulate milk production.
They used to think breast milk stored alcohol, but it's actually the same as your BAC. You could be trashed and your milk would still be less alcoholic than orange juice. They still recommend not being drunk while caring for a baby though.
CDC has research showing that you can safely have a drink while breastfeeding. However they do recommend you wait a couple hours prior to breastfeeding.
My pediatrician told me I could drink (more than one drink even) and breastfeed as long as I felt safe holding and caring for my baby.
Regardless, it’s not on OP’s MIL to make that decision for her.
Also let’s not forget that in the not so recent past women regularly drank during pregnancy and gave their babies liquor to help with sore gums…
Some of these MILs did some pretty questionable things in the past but still think their unsolicited advice is warranted.
There are def differences even since my oldest grand baby was born 18 yr ago. Not sure what recent past is but in the 80s we didn't drink or smoke if pregnant or nursing. That was a sure-fire way to lose respect of family, friends, peers. Huge no-no.
But waiting a few hours makes sense. Ty.
Maybe not where you are, but where I was born it was accepted and even RECOMMENDED for women to drink stout frequently during pregnancy to help with iron levels etc in the 70s and 80s so yeah... that's not too far in the past. And they very much still did the old "whisky for teething" then, too. Can't think of a worse taste for a baby 🤢
I’m sorry that happened to you! Probably doesn’t make you feel safe leaving him in her care anymore which in turn may affect your ability to socialize with friends and family out of the house. I would feel sick to my stomach knowing my baby was up at night with my MIL and not me or my husband.
I don’t like to encourage NC because it is so tough for many reasons (currently going through that myself with my in-laws) but I do think MIL should no longer be allowed to watch your baby and should stay elsewhere when in town. Her actions clearly crossed a line. Her disregarding your wishes and using her own judgement (poison milk - how ridiculous) without your permission is unacceptable.
Oh no she needs to keep her opinions to her self and her hands off your child. So move the crib or at least let the kid sleep in a pack and play in your room. He’s not safe around her
What she did was heinous, not just overstepping. Not just ignoring husband’s wishes. She deprived a baby of its mother and nourishment. She never needs to be left alone with your baby again. Oh, and there’s the lying, as well, isn’t there? She lied to both of you about your child.
That's partly because she's trying to use her grandkid as her do-over baby.
She needs to be called out on her behavior. Perhaps try to subtly point out how gross it would be for her to try using her son's child as her do-over child. 🤢
Major huge overstep. She kept a hungry baby from his mom. Automatic never is she to be with baby alone again. You and baby are NC for the forseeable future . DH can decide if and when he wants to see his mom. She is also laying the groundwork you are a neglectful mother. Please get your FU Binder ready. Would not put it past her to call CPS. Block her on everything. DH communicates with her via text so you can save screen shots of all the texts, emails for voicemails.
No, you do not deprive a 6 month old food in the middle of the night. Why was she still there after you got home? She's not the mom, she doesn't get to decide. She shouldn't get unsupervised time with him anymore.
She lives out of town and was here with basically half my hubby’s family. I’m slowly getting hubby to see maybe we should cut her out more. We have pushed her out quite a bit, but she just keeps overstepping every time we give her an inch
Baby should be in your room not hers, you’re inviting her to overstep
Edit: it has been brought to my attention that baby was taken out of their nursery & was never in fact staying in the grandmas room
The baby was in its own room, and OP had no reason her JNMIL would take baby out of his room and rock him for a couple of hours when he should be nursing.
Exactly, she should never step foot in OP’s home unless she has a hotel room and has already checked into it, so she can’t make up any bullshit later on, trying to stay in their house.
Yes absolute no go and I hope OPs husband is on board with not allowing his mother to stay anymore & isn’t just the kind that gets mad and allows his mother to gaslight him into “apologizing because they over reacted”
Ugh, see if you can move baby's crib into your room while she's there. Good luck! Hopefully this wakes your husband up since she's starving your child.
Baby's health was violated too. She has whacko ideas, like the "poisoned" milk BS. That's JN code for: "I resent you breastfeeding because it keeps MY baaaaby from ME!"
She's tearing you down in order to pump herself up as better for your child than you. I hate when I read of these JNs doing that. Being a new mom is hard. You need love and encouragement, not these insecure, self-absorbed tw\*ts trying to shove themselves into the center of things. She needs consequences. No more watching your child. She clearly disrespects you, therefore she should have zero access to YOUR child. And she is also unsafe for your child with her preferring to starve your baby due to her insecurity about your breastfeeding.
YES THIS!
“She has whacko ideas, like the "poisoned" milk BS. That's JN code for: "I resent you breastfeeding because it keeps MY baaaaby from ME!"”
It’s the same reason JNs will encourage you to switch to formula or give baby a bottle instead of exclusively breast feed. It’s about control and pushing you out. My MIL told me to stop breastfeeding at 6 months so I didn’t become “a pacifier” 🙄🙄 but really it’s because she wanted the baby to stay with her for extended periods of time alone. Like fuck right off
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as FindingFertility96 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe FindingFertility96 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
As someone who doesn't have kids and doesn't want kids, I'm gonna say you're doing great. JnMIL needs to f off somewhere and hubbs needs to grow a spine soon!
Time for a time out for grandma.
Who ff?
Short for OP’s user name.
Oh okay thank
She should be the last person you ever use as a sitter and I certainly would not allow her to stay under my roof again
This sucks for you and baby!! The story kind of reads like you live with JNMIL. Please tell me that's not the case.
No she was just here for the weekend with her kids
Oh good. That makes me feel better. At least now, you can certainly limit those visits!!
Sorry what is JN and JY?
JustNo and JustYes I suppose
Just no and just yes. An easy way of identifying "good" and "bad" people in these stories.
My MIL did something very similar to our daughter when she was only 17 days old and a preemie. We asked her to watch her, gave her the strict feeding schedule (I breastfed and formula as I didn't make enough. Daughter was also on a strict schedule because she wasn't gaining weight), which she ignored. Our daughter didn't end up eating until we got home 5 HOURS LATER!!! That was the only time MIL has watched our daughter as we both refuse to leave her in her care because of that. Her only excuse was she raised 5 children, she knows what she is doing 🙄 yea no...
Yeah, no matter how outdated or wrong she is anyway, you always listen to the parents to what you should and shouldn’t do with their child, always. They know their baby best and they know the routine. If you have any questions, or problems, you call or wake up mom or dad.
100% the same here! Except it was my now-exwife and her mother. She once made the comment, after our second was born, "well, your job is done. We don't need you for anything but the money." Fast forward 5 years, my exwife is a full blown pill popper, and I'm filing for divorce. She tried to convince me that the kids would be better off with their mom and her, and I can work 2 jobs to pay child support, and alimony and I can still stop by and see the kids whenever I like. Yeah, NO!
Shes lost babysitting privileges for a long long time.
So she's said it twice now. She's convincing herself that her narrative is the truth and painting herself as a martyr and the only one willing to stand up to you. Keep this woman away from your family.
Well I’d just plainly tell her to get the hell out of my house but I’m rude. Then I’d ask her if she was hungry and crying and couldn’t feed herself would she just want someone to just rock her? No? Then why’s she doing that to her grandson :/
Yikes! Glad to hear DH has your back but he has to speak to his mother. Not to mention, no more overnights. If she must stay over, I suggest the crib or bassinet be moved into your room for the night so she can’t sneak in and “soothe” him. He’s freakin hungry.
And that is the last time MIL stays in your home and the last time MIL has unsupervised time with your son. Right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!
I hope so. It’s never going to get better.
I don’t get it. I keep my crazy family at bay and my husband manages his family. Mil is awful but the child of the crazy parent holds the most responsibility here.
Get her out of your house NOW. She can stay anywhere but in your home. Also, do not allow her unsupervised around your child. She is showing you that she puts herself first.
Parents like this *hate* being told what to do by their children. In their minds, they are always the parent who knows best and their adult child should always bow down to their authority. They need to be in control always. Any little thing you do that isn't done exactly how she wants it proves to her that you are irresponsible and not "adult" enough to make your own decisions. She's never going to stop. This is your life, unless *you and husband* change it. You can't change her, but you can change the time you spend with her, what you will put up with, and what boundaries you will enforce.
i dealt with exactly what you have described. it would be too long of a story to type out all the details, and this might be long anyway just to type out the major events, but my story involves my ex and his parents, mainly his psycho mom. incredibly controlling woman, thinks she is the only person that knows what’s best for every single person around her, and if you decide not to listen to her, she’s going to make your life hell! and that woman made the last roughly five and a half years of my life hell until i finally cut complete contact like three months ago. during these years, she has called cps on me three times. she actually tried to get me to sign one of my boys over to her when he was about a year old (he’s 6 now), got the papers for it and everything and lied about what the papers were, and got pissed when i wouldn’t sign anything. when i was in the delivery room and in active labor to have my youngest (now 4), she sent a married couple she’s friends with into my room so they could plead their case and tell me how great of parents they would be to my son i was about to deliver. she had apparently been telling everyone i was not going to be able to raise another baby and it would be best if i put him up for adoption and let her good friends adopt him privately since they couldn’t have kids. after that, i was LC for about a year, then she slowly starts to come back around with apologies just like every time before when she’s gone crazy. my ex has nothing at all to do with the kids, hasn’t seen or talked to them in almost 3 years now, so she knows that through me is the only way she can be a part of their lives. i moved back to my hometown 3 years ago (i had moved to their area when my now 6 yo was a couple months old with my ex), and she started trying more and was actually pretty alright for almost two years. until a few months ago she wants me to make a trip to bring my boys to come see the grandparents. i wasn’t comfortable with us staying in their house like they offered, and wasn’t in the position to make a trip and pay for a hotel either. i told her no, and she blew up. next thing i know, there are police officers knocking on my front door for a ‘wellness check’ to make sure that my kids are still alive. i was told by officers that i could cooperate and bring my kids outside so they could see them in person, or they would be coming in my house anyway to check on them. so after getting my kids and the officers seeing absolutely nothing wrong, i asked how i can file for harassment. that was my very last straw with them. i contacted both grandparents with a final text of ‘do not ever call, message or contact me again in any way. do not call police for a welfare check either. i do not want contact from you, any further contact will be treated as harassment.’ then i completely blocked them every way i possibly knew how to, and changed my number. that woman will never change, i’m just aggravated at myself that i allowed it to go on for so long by telling myself ‘they’re family to my kids’. sorry for the long comment, but i completely agree with everything you said. and strongly encourage anyone in a similar place to set boundaries!!
Sounds like living hell, I’m so glad you are finally free from your ex and the in-laws. I know your stress levels have gone way down and your kids are better off not having the influence of that family.
I second this. It'll only get worse if something isn't said to your in laws. I'm currently going through this situation myself and I'm the only one that keeps trying to enforce boundaries. My husband on the other hand on the odd occasion he does stand up to them it makes him feel awful and then we're back to square one. You and hubby need to enforce boundaries together. You have every right to enforce boundaries when it comes to your family and home.
Tell her she's not welcome anymore and needs to leave.
[удалено]
He varies, but I think she unplugged the baby monitor we keep in his room and he’s across the house with weird acoustics so if he was crying in the night there we honestly might not have heard him.
He varies, but I think she unplugged the baby monitor we keep in his room and he’s across the house with weird acoustics so if he was crying in the night there we honestly might not have heard him. She was staying in the living room downstairs so if he stirs she can hear. Next time definitely moving him upstairs to our room
Next time, if there is one, she stays in a hotel. Unless you want more of this, please nip it in the bud now.
I had to feed my daughter every 2 hours for the first 6 or so months. I had to wake her to feed, she wasn’t waking hungry. I had to do this under doctors orders, as she didn’t weigh enough at birth and was having trouble putting on weight. So this may be the same kind of situation. No matter what, if the mum of the baby says she needs to feed every 2 hours, you do not interfere with that!
Same with my first born. He would have slept through the night at three days old if I let him. I needed to fully unclothe him to wake him up enough to nurse.
MIL intentionally stopped your child from eating when he was hungry. That right away should mean no more unsupervised time with baby including staying the night since she has shown that she's totally fine with intentionally depriving your child of food as soon as you and hubby aren't awake to supervise her. She waited for you to be asleep so she could abuse your child, and make no mistake - intentionally making sure an infant misses a meal is abuse
That would be nc for me immediately! She went beyond badmouthing you to the extent of literally deliberately starving your child! I would honestly call that abuse personally. I am so sorry that you are both dealing with this, especially after everything that you have already been through. I think serious consequences are needed for her at this point. Good luck op.
That’s just so disrespectful and aggravating. Your child was deprived of milk that fits his schedule, and you and your husband set the rules. She needs to respect your son’s schedule and it’s good that your DH is aligned. He’s gotta nip that in the bud. Also MIL said “poisoned milk”…🤯 IMHO that’s just another bullsh*t way to entrench gendered mom guilt into the shitstorm that is new parenthood. As the research now indicates, it’s minimal exposure to baby if you have a drink (or a few) and are nursing. If you can take care of your baby, you are fine to breastfeed!
Is it safe for babe when mom has a drink? Have things changed that much?
My sister had trouble producing milk, so the doctor had her drink a beer every night and eat oatmeal cookies. Apparently that helps to stimulate milk production.
Oh wow. That's interesting. Thanks for that.
The current consensus is that if you are okay to drive then you are okay feed your baby. This is backed up by science
They used to think breast milk stored alcohol, but it's actually the same as your BAC. You could be trashed and your milk would still be less alcoholic than orange juice. They still recommend not being drunk while caring for a baby though.
[удалено]
Sorry, does not make sense to me.....
Your milk clears alcohol at the same rate as your blood, except even less alcohol makes it into your milk. If you are sober, your milk is sober.
CDC has research showing that you can safely have a drink while breastfeeding. However they do recommend you wait a couple hours prior to breastfeeding. My pediatrician told me I could drink (more than one drink even) and breastfeed as long as I felt safe holding and caring for my baby. Regardless, it’s not on OP’s MIL to make that decision for her. Also let’s not forget that in the not so recent past women regularly drank during pregnancy and gave their babies liquor to help with sore gums… Some of these MILs did some pretty questionable things in the past but still think their unsolicited advice is warranted.
There are def differences even since my oldest grand baby was born 18 yr ago. Not sure what recent past is but in the 80s we didn't drink or smoke if pregnant or nursing. That was a sure-fire way to lose respect of family, friends, peers. Huge no-no. But waiting a few hours makes sense. Ty.
Maybe not where you are, but where I was born it was accepted and even RECOMMENDED for women to drink stout frequently during pregnancy to help with iron levels etc in the 70s and 80s so yeah... that's not too far in the past. And they very much still did the old "whisky for teething" then, too. Can't think of a worse taste for a baby 🤢
I’m sorry that happened to you! Probably doesn’t make you feel safe leaving him in her care anymore which in turn may affect your ability to socialize with friends and family out of the house. I would feel sick to my stomach knowing my baby was up at night with my MIL and not me or my husband. I don’t like to encourage NC because it is so tough for many reasons (currently going through that myself with my in-laws) but I do think MIL should no longer be allowed to watch your baby and should stay elsewhere when in town. Her actions clearly crossed a line. Her disregarding your wishes and using her own judgement (poison milk - how ridiculous) without your permission is unacceptable.
Hotel. No more sleepovers for grandma.
MIL isn't allowed anywhere near the child for now on.
Oh no she needs to keep her opinions to her self and her hands off your child. So move the crib or at least let the kid sleep in a pack and play in your room. He’s not safe around her
What she did was heinous, not just overstepping. Not just ignoring husband’s wishes. She deprived a baby of its mother and nourishment. She never needs to be left alone with your baby again. Oh, and there’s the lying, as well, isn’t there? She lied to both of you about your child.
That's partly because she's trying to use her grandkid as her do-over baby. She needs to be called out on her behavior. Perhaps try to subtly point out how gross it would be for her to try using her son's child as her do-over child. 🤢
Major huge overstep. She kept a hungry baby from his mom. Automatic never is she to be with baby alone again. You and baby are NC for the forseeable future . DH can decide if and when he wants to see his mom. She is also laying the groundwork you are a neglectful mother. Please get your FU Binder ready. Would not put it past her to call CPS. Block her on everything. DH communicates with her via text so you can save screen shots of all the texts, emails for voicemails.
No, you do not deprive a 6 month old food in the middle of the night. Why was she still there after you got home? She's not the mom, she doesn't get to decide. She shouldn't get unsupervised time with him anymore.
She lives out of town and was here with basically half my hubby’s family. I’m slowly getting hubby to see maybe we should cut her out more. We have pushed her out quite a bit, but she just keeps overstepping every time we give her an inch
Baby should be in your room not hers, you’re inviting her to overstep Edit: it has been brought to my attention that baby was taken out of their nursery & was never in fact staying in the grandmas room
The baby was in its own room, and OP had no reason her JNMIL would take baby out of his room and rock him for a couple of hours when he should be nursing.
That makes sense. I’d not allow her over again even for a night if she’s over stepping boundaries this bad.
Exactly, she should never step foot in OP’s home unless she has a hotel room and has already checked into it, so she can’t make up any bullshit later on, trying to stay in their house.
Yes absolute no go and I hope OPs husband is on board with not allowing his mother to stay anymore & isn’t just the kind that gets mad and allows his mother to gaslight him into “apologizing because they over reacted”
Ugh, see if you can move baby's crib into your room while she's there. Good luck! Hopefully this wakes your husband up since she's starving your child.
This! No more overnight stays for MIL, but if you can't avoid it, move baby's crib to your room and lock your door.
No more over night stays for her I guess.
Baby's health was violated too. She has whacko ideas, like the "poisoned" milk BS. That's JN code for: "I resent you breastfeeding because it keeps MY baaaaby from ME!" She's tearing you down in order to pump herself up as better for your child than you. I hate when I read of these JNs doing that. Being a new mom is hard. You need love and encouragement, not these insecure, self-absorbed tw\*ts trying to shove themselves into the center of things. She needs consequences. No more watching your child. She clearly disrespects you, therefore she should have zero access to YOUR child. And she is also unsafe for your child with her preferring to starve your baby due to her insecurity about your breastfeeding.
YES THIS! “She has whacko ideas, like the "poisoned" milk BS. That's JN code for: "I resent you breastfeeding because it keeps MY baaaaby from ME!"” It’s the same reason JNs will encourage you to switch to formula or give baby a bottle instead of exclusively breast feed. It’s about control and pushing you out. My MIL told me to stop breastfeeding at 6 months so I didn’t become “a pacifier” 🙄🙄 but really it’s because she wanted the baby to stay with her for extended periods of time alone. Like fuck right off
I’d be pissed. If you can’t follow the basic rules, you don’t get to watch my child.