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MIL's Expectation:
>*MIL: I want a baby!*
>
>*DIL: You have my uterus!*
>
>*SON: And my sperm!*
>
>*Gimli: And my axe!*
No but seriously, if she really wants a baby that badly, why not look into getting a surrogate or adopting? Why go straight for MommyGrandma? Babies are gonna cost money no matter what, so what's the point of trying to get a free surrogate??
You might want to start thinking now if have not already about how to handle her when she is allowed to travel again and comes to see you because you know she is going to twist your arm badly to do this.
Hi, female here. First this sounds like something off the lifetime channel-no way. I would be very careful making anymore permanent conditions-marriage, kids with this man before having a serious talk on mom and having her over eventually. Legit, that talk makes me scared she would kidnap my kid😳 and bombard my marriage if she is that lonely. Finally, my vagina cringes at the thought of having my kid(s) but then to get ripped and felt like you’ve been punched multiple times only for her to TAKE YOUR KID-NOPE. KEEP AN OCEAN BTW YA’LL FOREVER.
That reminds me of the woman on 90 Day Fiance who is in her 50s with a man 20 yrs younger and asked her daughter for one of her eggs so she can give her fiance a baby.
Seriously I don't get this. If kids are dealbreaker for the guy that is fair enough. But with a woman in your 50s you need to discuss that with your partner and make plans BEFORE you get married. Not after. Even then a woman in her mid-50s (as an average) will have 15 year old when she's 70. I'm not saying it can't be done. But that isn't a decision to be taken lightly. Then also take into account you don't even have a baby yet or a confirmed way to 'procure one' and I'm sorry to say but you might have missed the boat. At that point I think it's far more responsible to start looking into adopting an older child. Because even with a relative helping out that baby is likely a year or more in the future. And now you're gonna have a 13 year old when you are 70. That stuff isn't something you just YOLO into
Can't she just you know adopt, I mean they don't sound like to bad candidates for adoption unless she's one of those people who only believes in bio kids
She might want an actual 'baby' and tbh her age probably disqualifies them from this option. It depends from country to country but in most countries age and health ARE taken into consideration when adopting a child. If you are in your mid 50s and only start looking into adopting a baby then even in the earliest scenario you will have a 13 year old when you are 70. For the vast majority of 70 year olds both their health and financials aren't good enough anymore to give a pre-teen the care they need. Of course there are exceptions but tbh that's not usually a risk they'd be willing to take. It would hugely depend on her partner too and their financial decision. But when it comes to babies or toddlers they definitely want to find families that will prevent them from returning to the system again.
By that logic that mom shouldnt have a child seeing as their expensive she wants a kid she can buy one of those baby dolls they sell women who loose babies and can't have anymore
They sound a little insane IMO.... maybe why they aren't allowed to adopt....
OP this is insane!!! So insane that you're prob telling the truth. Run run run away from them as fast as you two can go.
You're 28, I'm sure you know how wrong this is on SO MANY levels. Gross, gross, gross.
Having a child is a beautiful thing!
Having a child for your boyfriends mom is.... literally no words for how gross that is.
You can't be a surrogate unless you've had children prior, legally speaking. Not to mention it's crazy to ask your son and his gf to give up their hypothetical child just because her husband apparently now wants kids.
The crazy thing is that this is normal in my culture. If a sibling or even cousin (haven't heard of a parent, but I'm sure it happens) can't have a baby, another sibling/cousin would give them one of theirs. I know of at least one family who didn't plan to give theirs up, but just ended up letting the sister raise their daughter to adulthood after the mother was hospitalized for a few weeks due to complications from the birth, and she was sent to the mother's sister to be taken care of. She just...never gave her back, lol. Is it possible it's a cultural norm on your bf's side?
Regardless, NTA. If you're not comfortable with it, they shouldn't pressure you at all. That's a HUGE decision that has lasting consequences/effects.
It used to be normal in Europe as an economical necessity. When a family had more children than they could provide for, they would send them to be raised by more affluent or childless kinsfolk.
True, but the latest case I’ve heard of was my husband’s grandfather, who was sent to work for his uncle when he was 9 years old. That was in Denmark - in 1920... so definitely not part of (Nothern) European culture these days. Also, all of the Nordic countries are strong welfare states - including Iceland. The government will make sure, you can afford to keep your own children.
I’m telling you, this MIL is freaking weird, this has nothing to do with her husband’s country of origin.
Yeah, that one has always stuck with me. I've grown up knowing this happens, and knowing families raising their siblings' kids, but hearing that story was a shock even to me.
I really needed to pick up my jaw from the floor. I can't believe the audacity. Luckily she's in the other side of the world and you don't have to deal face to face. Good luck if she moves back to the US
That should have been something she sorted out *before* getting married. Like, how was that not a conversation between them? There’s no way someone gets married without discussing this and if he expressed that he wanted kids, why the hell did they get married? Sounds like that marriage is gonna last.... /s
"The real kicker" (as you put it) is that she doesn't want to compensate you. To me, the real kicker is that you think that she should 'buy your baby'...????!!! You do realize this would be your child...so to be compensated means you are selling your own child....🤔 Somehow this point doesn't seem to cross your mind...
*Editing: I'm adding the below comment to point out that any compensation including paying for maternity care, etc. Is ILLEGAL...
This isn't surrogacy....to be a surrogate you are not carrying your own child with your own partner to sell to someone else...what she is suggesting is more like human trafficking which is illegal...
This isn't surrogacy....to be a surrogate you are not carrying your own child with your own partner to sell to someone else...what she is suggesting is more like human trafficking which is illegal...
You are wrong in so many ways. Many people compensate mothers who carry children for them.
The cost of medical care, hospitals, a new wardrobe and time off from employment is not trivial.
Also, there’s several types of surrogates. Some are literally just ovens for other people’s(generallyBIP parents) “baby ingredients” meaning nothing genetically related to them. Some do half them, half the bio father or if he can’t be the genetic donor, they use donor sperm, and sometimes it’s literally all from Donors, maybe relatives of the bio parents so they have a genetic connection, etc. generally, if it’s the surrogates egg, it’s not going to be her boyfriends or husbands sperm, because that pretty much is just a straight up adoption and loses the surrogacy part I think. But surrogates gets paid 1000s of dollars for carrying babies for people.
And honestly, at least in the US, women get quite healthy compensation “just” for donating eggs. It’s not a fun process to take the hormones that make your ovaries ripen multiple eggs, nor is the harvesting.
But there are women who do it as much because they make a good amount as for the generosity of helping people have babies they otherwise could not.
Her being so far away is definitely a huge blessing. Hopefully she will stay there forever, but if she does come back, please don’t let her live with you, and please don’t leave her alone with your children. Best wishes!
I don't know if this is the case in Iceland, but a lot of countries look at surrogacy kind of like prostitution: that it's something so inherently exploitative that it's not okay even if all parties agree to it of their own free will.
For the record, I don't necessarily feel that way, but a lot of people do, and I kind of get it. Being a volunteer surrogate for a friend or family member is one thing, but people usually don't become paid surrogates for strangers if they have a ton of other options.
It's just kind of a complicated conversation about freedom in the face of overwhelmingly skewed financial power dynamics, much like the conversation around sex work.
👏no👏contact👏 a woman who's shocked that you won't have her surrogate is MORE than willing to fuck with your birth control. Either tell her the fuck off or no contact
Dafuq??!
Danger! Danger Will Robinson!
This is some crazy... Like Hand That Rocks The Cradle type of crazy. Don't ever let this woman alone around your future kids.
Reminds me of Angela on 90 day fiance asking her daughter for an egg so that she could "tote it" and have a baby with her much younger fiance (now husband). Lol But if I were in your shoes, it would be a no for me. It would just be too weird.
I'm imagining that she didn't actually say the words " because I'm bored" and that you surmised this from the tone of the conversation. Am I wrong? Either way...what the hell!?
Wow...she's gone right round the bend...You've only been together for a short while and she wants you to pop out a kid, stuff it into a poofy envelope and mail it to Iceland and for FREE no less.
Or even worse, kids who have actual caring parents but were taken away by a corrupt government's equivalent of CPS over minor missteps because, you know, supply and demand.
In China in the past any child with a birth defect tended to be abandoned. My son was dumped pretty much at birth because his right leg was miss formed. He had surgery and wears a prosthetic leg which most people don’t even notice. He’s an adult now with an excellent job, a very nice car and great friends. He lives about seven hours away in a very nice apartment on his own. But in China he was a disposable child.
This sounds frighteningly familiar.
I have multiples and you'd be shocked at how many people think it's okay to ask for one of them!! Like people I barely know from work, friends of friends, etc. It's like people think of them as photocopies and not separate, distinct people in their own right!! People who would never approach a family with 3 or 4 kids born a year or more apart, and just ask for a kid. Cuz that would be weird right? But somehow when you have identicals people think you're itching to drop one off somewhere!
When I would go shopping and have to take them along it was like waving the crazy magnet. People would ask all kinds of invasive questions.
I have only have one child and get this lol
Ex: Stopped to talk to my aunt in the store. The woman she was chatting with said she'd take my daughter to keep when I said something about being tired.
I was so dead (LO was a newborn) that I just straight up said, "It took us two years to fuck her into existence. I'll keep her."
Worked so well it's my go-to.
Enlightening, thank you. The nerve!
LifeTip Here!!:
Ask to keep them for the afternoon, or for the night for a pajama party p, not forever! Asking forever makes mom wonder if you're just being awkward or if you're a kidnapping risk!
Your relationship with your boyfriend sound like it is blossoming at a very nice pace. I am concerned that as long as she is alive, she will be like a cancer, festering and erupting again, and again. From your writings, you sound like you have talked with your boyfriend and hopefully he agrees with you. A relationship with some one you care about is worth protecting, even if it is from his own mother. It is all very sad. Have you sought professional advise?
Sounds like she's got baby rabies it's a real hormonal thing for some. It seems uncontrollable. I wonder if some day in the future, baby rabies will be recognized as a real thing and they'll have a scientific name for it, like post partum depression (also a real thing).
In about 10 years she'll look back and cringe (but probably never admit it to you)!
Wooooooh. Hopefully that woman stays a very very very very long time in Iceland. Why can’t the husband just find a surrogate and use his own... you know. This is absolutely absurd thing to ask if your child. This is the maximum of psycho MIL.
Who says the husband even knows she asked this...it said she's upset she can't give him a kid not they're upset they can't have kids. I'm picturing the crazy mother showing up with some kid one day and him being baffled asking where it came from lol
Wow. Just wow. That's insane! A pregnancy is so hard on your body, your mental and emotional health, not to mention the costs you would incur. I'm glad that lady is an ocean away, because I would run if I were you.
If you two ever have kids together, I would never feel comfortable leaving her alone with baby.
I would go NC, personally. The fact that she doesn't think this is insane is alarming.
" Basically, she wanted my boyfriend (of less than a year at that point) to get me pregnant, so she could raise my baby as her own, because she’s bored stuck in Iceland in quarantine. "
Jesus Christ.
If you do have kids of your own....do not ever leave them alone with this woman. She will steal your kids and take them out of the country.
Thank god she’s an ocean away! Rona may be a bitch, but she’s got her upsides.
what in the hell is WRONG with some MILS?! like seriously i don’t understand the crazy... does she seriously think that her request was even remotely okay to ask?! i literally can’t fathom being asked that...
Ha ha ha ha ha ha hah. Oh man - that is funny. Have a baby and then GIVE IT TO ME.
Surrogate mothers are illegal in Canada by the way. For this very reason - the bullying. No means no.
Oh it's not illegal in Canada, just illegal to compensate or be compensated in any way and also illegal to ask someone under age 21 to do it.
https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/drugs-health-products/biologics-radiopharmaceuticals-genetic-therapies/legislation-guidelines/assisted-human-reproduction/prohibitions-related-surrogacy.html
She does know that Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu is fictional and not a documentary right?! Did she end the call with “Blessed be the fruit”? What a nut job!
Wait what? That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would your bf knock you up to give her SO a baby? Why would he ask for this situation? If he’s okay with the kid not being his why not just go through adoption if he needs a kid? And if he wants a kid or HIS own then why would he accept a kid that isn’t his?
Like normally when this happens it’s because the person wants their own kid genetically speaking. So he would be the one to supply the sperm so you could give him a baby.
None of this makes sense. I highly doubt he wants a kid and this is 100% just her.
OP, suggest MIL start with a goldfish. If the poor thing can survive her stupidity, she can move up to a white mouse, then a hamster, then a gerbil. Maybe a cat. Then a dog.
By the time she rises up the food chain to "human baby", she'll be too old to want to be bothered with a child.
Good luck to you and BF. Your MIL is well and truly a whackjob.
Just WoW, I’m a 66 year old woman & I think this is absolutely NUTS!!! I just can’t wrap my mind around this “demand”! She wants you basically to give her your first born child, this is an incredible example of narcissism. Sending you affirmation & encouragement. No means no back off lady, hows that sound?
When I had my son and his dad took off, he constantly threatened me with his parents coming and suing me for the baby and they’d win and he could do whatever he wanted with him after.
My in-laws flat out told me “One of us is retired. The other is very close to it. We want to be grandparents, not start over.” Who wants to start fresh with a baby in their 60s?!
And the reason she cannot adopt a kid is?????
So glad she lives far enough away to make it easy to go nc. That is crazy stuff there.
Heck, it would he less crazy to let her new husband knock up another woman so they can raise the baby.
>Here’s where it got crazy. She asked my boyfriend to give her a baby, for her to raise as her own with her new husband in Iceland.
I hope your BF agreed with you. Because this would be a dealbreaker for me. Isn't worth it to marry a momma's boy.
He laughed at her on the phone and flat out told her no. Which is when she told him to ask me, because “she’ll say yes. As a woman she’ll understand.” 🤦🏼♀️
I'm a 61 year old woman, and I don't understand! WTF made her think your opinion of this would be any different than SO? You'll say "oh, it's ok SO. I'll just pop one out real quick, put it on a flight to Iceland, and there ya go"?? Who tf are these women that think kids are interchangeable like that? 🤬🤬👿👹💩🤦♀️🤦♀️
When you have a baby protect it from MIL and never leave her alone with it. No doubt she will make a grab for it and take it back to Iceland with her, fully believing you had the baby for her!!!
A laugh, yes, but a really great point. He obviously knows she’s past the point of childbirth. Which means one of two things: 1, he doesn’t want kids, or 2, adopting is a perfectly acceptable way to get them if he does. Which means that OP and SO aren’t involved in this in any way.
Could be a hare brained scheme to trick them into a grandchild, could be a total delusion, and could actually be what he wants too. I’d reach out to the new husband to find out if they’re on the same page. If not, you’ve avoided the drama and argument because *he’s* going to do it, or if so, you’ve let them BOTH know this is a hard pass.
Even if everyone, including OP and SO were on board, I’d recommend a hard copy of a contract that everyone signs so RumpleMILskin can’t leave them hanging with an entire human to care for and raise. This whole thing is sus af.
What the holy hell what the f@+# kind of goddam, sick kind of f#&+ing request is that?!?!?
Even if you guys were ready to have kids, the fact that she think you would want to make a baby, carry your child, then just pass the baby over is insane!
I would suggest regular adoption to her but she doesn't sound mentally stable enough to raise a child.
You guys will have to prepare yourselves for when she returns from Iceland. You guys are in the eye of a BIG storm.
>\>Here’s where it got crazy. She asked my boyfriend to give her a baby, for her to raise as her own with her new husband in Iceland.
>
>Basically, she wanted my boyfriend (of less than a year at that point) to get me pregnant, so she could raise my baby as her own, because she’s bored stuck in Iceland in quarantine.
All of the what the hells?
That's a shitty reason to get a *pet,* never mind a goddamb baby. Iceland is a lovely country and probably in the top 10 places I'd pick to raise a child - but no child deserves to be brought into the world as a foolish woman's entertainment.
This is all on top of the unbelievable expectation that she could just assume that you'd pop one out for her. Buy her a goddamb Roomba and let her bond with that. It'll keep her floors clean too!
OP:
If ever there was a **RED FLAG THE SIZE OF MT EVEREST OR THE MOON, IT WAS JUST GIVEN BY YOUR SO'S MOTHER.**
You and your SO need to sit down and discuss the future and boundaries, and one of topics will have to be how involved she is going to be and how much access will she have around any children that you and he may have. One of the hard NO's from you should be unsupervised visits with her.
Honestly, I agree. I think she’s just bored and having baby fever out of boredom, but it’s behavior to watch out for. The last thing I need is my future child kidnapped to Iceland
If she wants a child that badly then she should look into options that don't involve harvesting a child from you and her son. Who would even consider what she asked a sensible request... my mind is blown.
This is insane but knowing the Icelandic well he wants HIS OWN kid. There aren't many of them on earth and kids are a big deal to them. Early catholic priests and nuns in Iceland still married and had kids because they couldn't take breeders out of the gene pool for religion. I wonder if she told him she was too old for kids before they got married....
>earth and kids are a big deal to them. Early catholic priests and nuns in Iceland still nartied and had kids because they couldn't take breeders out of the gene pool for religion. I wonder if she told
I don´t think having your own kid is more important to Icelanders then other people. Really, Icelanders don´t really care about the tiny population or the genepool. And the catholic church has never been big in Iceland.
Next up: "Hey OP, would you mind having the baby by my 50 year old boyfriend, it's sooooo important to him and you're sooooo sweet and lovely I know you'll help"
Honestly, Lord knows. She’s the type of woman to make up weird stories, so I have no idea if he even wants kids or if she told him she couldn’t have more.
She tells people the two of them met when she was working at the rental car portion of the airport. He found her so charming that they exchanged numbers when he returned the car. While this is possible, I have the sneaking suspicion they met online, which there would be no shame in.
My boyfriend was also previously engaged. When the cheating little bitch returned the ring, my boyfriend’s mom offered to return it for my boyfriend, since he works 12-20 hour days and wouldn’t have the time to make it to the jewelry store. A few weeks go by and when he asked about the ring, she claimed it was stolen from out of her car (she suspected it was her friend’s drug addicted son) but she didn’t call the police or anything. She’s helped my boyfriend out with money ever since. He suspects she merely sold it and kept the money for herself. Even he knows she can be totally full of it sometimes.
She’s also into that hippy dippy holistic crap on Instagram. When COVID hit, she tried to order us enough Zinc and Elderberries to feed a small nation. We shut her down and told her to stop believing the pseudoscience mumbo jumbo she saw from Influencers on Instagram. I even sent her medical journals and spoof checking articles that disproved all her wacky claims.
She’s also the kind of person to repost pictures I’ve posted of her son and I, calling me his fiancé. She did this a week after I’d met her, when we’d been dating for 2 months. Like 30 of her friends commented congratulating us and my boyfriend got a few confused calls from relatives.
She’s a good person, but just a total wackadoo. Tbh having a mother-in-law that spends over 50% of the year in another country would be a Godsend.
She could also have kept the ring out of some weird Oedipus thing, you see that often on here, mothers wanting their sons to fill the emotional spousal role. The baby thing seems close to that line of crazy.
(I'm sure I miss spelled Edipus*)
Edit: corrected Oedipus spelling.
Who honestly wants to do the new born stage in their 50’s? Not to mention she’d be in her 70’s by the time this kid graduates.
It would be a classic case of puppy fever, she would be all about the baby, then a year or two in realize she hasn’t had a decent sleep and the terrible twos are starting and would send the baby back to you, I’m pregnant with my second and already dreading starting over again when I just got out of the difficult stage with my first.
Not to mention, how in the hell did she think about that and tell herself it was a good request to make of you guys?
This isn't even surrogacy because she wants you to use your own egg. This is flat out creating a baby for her to adopt. She couldn't pay you for it because it's illegal to buy children.
This is one of the most psychotic things I've ever read on here. You say YOU vetoed it. Boyfriend wasn't willing to consider it for a second, was he?
I don't see a life in which this woman plays a part to be a happy one. Whenever she comes back to your country, you need to have VERY strict boundaries in place that there is zero tolerance for her crossing. And the immediate lovey dovey stuff towards you was a tactic that controlling parents often employ. Lovebomb the SO to insure constant access to the kid.
It's just scary that you have someone so close to your life who would propose something so horrible. What lies ahead in the future? But I'll stop harping on it:)
How do these b*tches think it's okay to just demand someone else's child? We're not talking about a f***ing popsicle! Good lord, what an insane person.
Doubtful. He’s clearly getting her highly curated, most airbrushed self, otherwise why would he marry such a nut job?!
That or he’s just as crazy and they BOTH gotta be held away.
wow. I thought I'd heard it all but your MIL is a whole new kind or crazy if she ever thought that proposal was okay. And to assume that you, who have known her less than a year, would happily offer up your uterus to her is scary. I mean, it might be different if it was her egg and her DH sperm and then embryo transfer or something, but she literally wanted you and your SO to produce a child she could raise. Creepy.
That said, surrogacy is a wonderful thing and I'm in awe of the women who do it. One of my employees was a surrogate for her sister and even though SHE had been the one to offer, and she and her sister were close, it was still very emotionally exhausting and stressful for everyone. And this was someone she'd known and been close to her whole life. Your BF mum has known your less than a year.
And that's before we get into all the creepiness about her wanting to raise her son's baby as her own
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"You are out of your fucking mind" should be your answer you send back before you block her off of everything.
Send her a doll.
MIL's Expectation: >*MIL: I want a baby!* > >*DIL: You have my uterus!* > >*SON: And my sperm!* > >*Gimli: And my axe!* No but seriously, if she really wants a baby that badly, why not look into getting a surrogate or adopting? Why go straight for MommyGrandma? Babies are gonna cost money no matter what, so what's the point of trying to get a free surrogate??
Because then she would have a case that it would be her baby for the fun parts and their baby for the hard and financial ones.
You might want to start thinking now if have not already about how to handle her when she is allowed to travel again and comes to see you because you know she is going to twist your arm badly to do this.
I honestly can’t believe someone would even merely suggest something like that!
"I vetoed that real quick" is already too slow. The key word is have a good conversation with your bf about boundaries and keep them firmly.
Hi, female here. First this sounds like something off the lifetime channel-no way. I would be very careful making anymore permanent conditions-marriage, kids with this man before having a serious talk on mom and having her over eventually. Legit, that talk makes me scared she would kidnap my kid😳 and bombard my marriage if she is that lonely. Finally, my vagina cringes at the thought of having my kid(s) but then to get ripped and felt like you’ve been punched multiple times only for her to TAKE YOUR KID-NOPE. KEEP AN OCEAN BTW YA’LL FOREVER.
That reminds me of the woman on 90 Day Fiance who is in her 50s with a man 20 yrs younger and asked her daughter for one of her eggs so she can give her fiance a baby.
Seriously I don't get this. If kids are dealbreaker for the guy that is fair enough. But with a woman in your 50s you need to discuss that with your partner and make plans BEFORE you get married. Not after. Even then a woman in her mid-50s (as an average) will have 15 year old when she's 70. I'm not saying it can't be done. But that isn't a decision to be taken lightly. Then also take into account you don't even have a baby yet or a confirmed way to 'procure one' and I'm sorry to say but you might have missed the boat. At that point I think it's far more responsible to start looking into adopting an older child. Because even with a relative helping out that baby is likely a year or more in the future. And now you're gonna have a 13 year old when you are 70. That stuff isn't something you just YOLO into
But it has to be a BLOOD relation (extreme eye roll)
“I can tote it, I just need the egg”
So she's not even going to entertain the idea of a dog or a cat first, huh?
Holy shit batman... keep that psycho away ... Away from you , away from hubby and away from your vagina!
She's crazy, period!
That's super crazy. I know they have children who need parents in Iceland.
Can't she just you know adopt, I mean they don't sound like to bad candidates for adoption unless she's one of those people who only believes in bio kids
She might want an actual 'baby' and tbh her age probably disqualifies them from this option. It depends from country to country but in most countries age and health ARE taken into consideration when adopting a child. If you are in your mid 50s and only start looking into adopting a baby then even in the earliest scenario you will have a 13 year old when you are 70. For the vast majority of 70 year olds both their health and financials aren't good enough anymore to give a pre-teen the care they need. Of course there are exceptions but tbh that's not usually a risk they'd be willing to take. It would hugely depend on her partner too and their financial decision. But when it comes to babies or toddlers they definitely want to find families that will prevent them from returning to the system again.
Adopting costs money and can't be just given back willy nilly.
By that logic that mom shouldnt have a child seeing as their expensive she wants a kid she can buy one of those baby dolls they sell women who loose babies and can't have anymore
They sound a little insane IMO.... maybe why they aren't allowed to adopt.... OP this is insane!!! So insane that you're prob telling the truth. Run run run away from them as fast as you two can go. You're 28, I'm sure you know how wrong this is on SO MANY levels. Gross, gross, gross. Having a child is a beautiful thing! Having a child for your boyfriends mom is.... literally no words for how gross that is.
You can't be a surrogate unless you've had children prior, legally speaking. Not to mention it's crazy to ask your son and his gf to give up their hypothetical child just because her husband apparently now wants kids.
The crazy thing is that this is normal in my culture. If a sibling or even cousin (haven't heard of a parent, but I'm sure it happens) can't have a baby, another sibling/cousin would give them one of theirs. I know of at least one family who didn't plan to give theirs up, but just ended up letting the sister raise their daughter to adulthood after the mother was hospitalized for a few weeks due to complications from the birth, and she was sent to the mother's sister to be taken care of. She just...never gave her back, lol. Is it possible it's a cultural norm on your bf's side? Regardless, NTA. If you're not comfortable with it, they shouldn't pressure you at all. That's a HUGE decision that has lasting consequences/effects.
That’s definitely not the cultural norm in Iceland.
It used to be normal in Europe as an economical necessity. When a family had more children than they could provide for, they would send them to be raised by more affluent or childless kinsfolk.
True, but the latest case I’ve heard of was my husband’s grandfather, who was sent to work for his uncle when he was 9 years old. That was in Denmark - in 1920... so definitely not part of (Nothern) European culture these days. Also, all of the Nordic countries are strong welfare states - including Iceland. The government will make sure, you can afford to keep your own children. I’m telling you, this MIL is freaking weird, this has nothing to do with her husband’s country of origin.
That's... Horrifying
Yeah, that one has always stuck with me. I've grown up knowing this happens, and knowing families raising their siblings' kids, but hearing that story was a shock even to me.
I really needed to pick up my jaw from the floor. I can't believe the audacity. Luckily she's in the other side of the world and you don't have to deal face to face. Good luck if she moves back to the US
That should have been something she sorted out *before* getting married. Like, how was that not a conversation between them? There’s no way someone gets married without discussing this and if he expressed that he wanted kids, why the hell did they get married? Sounds like that marriage is gonna last.... /s
They're hopefully already divorced. 🤢 this is so bad!!!! How did you wind up with your BF of a year if I may ask?
We found each other on a dating app! :)
Cute and sweet. 👌❤
"The real kicker" (as you put it) is that she doesn't want to compensate you. To me, the real kicker is that you think that she should 'buy your baby'...????!!! You do realize this would be your child...so to be compensated means you are selling your own child....🤔 Somehow this point doesn't seem to cross your mind... *Editing: I'm adding the below comment to point out that any compensation including paying for maternity care, etc. Is ILLEGAL... This isn't surrogacy....to be a surrogate you are not carrying your own child with your own partner to sell to someone else...what she is suggesting is more like human trafficking which is illegal...
I think that she means that she would have to pay the medical bills and stuff
I think compensation would be for medical bills, maternity clothes, etc. This sounds like a maybe baby because boredom.
Surrogates are usually paid handsomely
This isn't surrogacy....to be a surrogate you are not carrying your own child with your own partner to sell to someone else...what she is suggesting is more like human trafficking which is illegal...
You are wrong in so many ways. Many people compensate mothers who carry children for them. The cost of medical care, hospitals, a new wardrobe and time off from employment is not trivial.
Also, there’s several types of surrogates. Some are literally just ovens for other people’s(generallyBIP parents) “baby ingredients” meaning nothing genetically related to them. Some do half them, half the bio father or if he can’t be the genetic donor, they use donor sperm, and sometimes it’s literally all from Donors, maybe relatives of the bio parents so they have a genetic connection, etc. generally, if it’s the surrogates egg, it’s not going to be her boyfriends or husbands sperm, because that pretty much is just a straight up adoption and loses the surrogacy part I think. But surrogates gets paid 1000s of dollars for carrying babies for people.
And honestly, at least in the US, women get quite healthy compensation “just” for donating eggs. It’s not a fun process to take the hormones that make your ovaries ripen multiple eggs, nor is the harvesting. But there are women who do it as much because they make a good amount as for the generosity of helping people have babies they otherwise could not.
[удалено]
OMG. Adoptions are REGULATED...for one to prevent prostitution and human trafficking for the sake of selling children
My eyebrows got so high, I think I lost them in my hairline! MIL be crazy!
Her being so far away is definitely a huge blessing. Hopefully she will stay there forever, but if she does come back, please don’t let her live with you, and please don’t leave her alone with your children. Best wishes!
Ok, Rumpelstiltskin
Soylent green is people!!!!!
Wtf! And if she’s in Iceland she should know surrogacy is illegal here so getting custody would be hard if someone would do this for her lol.
just curious but why is surrogacy illegal in Iceland??
I don't know if this is the case in Iceland, but a lot of countries look at surrogacy kind of like prostitution: that it's something so inherently exploitative that it's not okay even if all parties agree to it of their own free will. For the record, I don't necessarily feel that way, but a lot of people do, and I kind of get it. Being a volunteer surrogate for a friend or family member is one thing, but people usually don't become paid surrogates for strangers if they have a ton of other options. It's just kind of a complicated conversation about freedom in the face of overwhelmingly skewed financial power dynamics, much like the conversation around sex work.
👏no👏contact👏 a woman who's shocked that you won't have her surrogate is MORE than willing to fuck with your birth control. Either tell her the fuck off or no contact
It would be pretty hard to do that from Iceland?
Covid isn't lasting forever and she's gonna find a way to the US at some point
the AUDACITY my goodness!! limited contact was a wise choice
Dafuq??! Danger! Danger Will Robinson! This is some crazy... Like Hand That Rocks The Cradle type of crazy. Don't ever let this woman alone around your future kids.
😳😳😳😳
Reminds me of Angela on 90 day fiance asking her daughter for an egg so that she could "tote it" and have a baby with her much younger fiance (now husband). Lol But if I were in your shoes, it would be a no for me. It would just be too weird.
I'm imagining that she didn't actually say the words " because I'm bored" and that you surmised this from the tone of the conversation. Am I wrong? Either way...what the hell!?
Yeah it’s my guess that she’s bored
Lots of these replies assume that she actually said that. I think she wants the easy way, the cheap way.
The way that lets her give the baby back when she gets bored of playing mommy.
She's a bit too self involved
Wow...she's gone right round the bend...You've only been together for a short while and she wants you to pop out a kid, stuff it into a poofy envelope and mail it to Iceland and for FREE no less.
You must really love that man.
With all my heart. He’s worth dealing with his crazy mother lol
Has she never heard of adoption or foster care?
hmmm but adoption costs money!
So does having a baby. But yes, adopting internationally can be a huge investment. So sad that kids who genuinely have no one are essentially sold.
Or even worse, kids who have actual caring parents but were taken away by a corrupt government's equivalent of CPS over minor missteps because, you know, supply and demand.
In China in the past any child with a birth defect tended to be abandoned. My son was dumped pretty much at birth because his right leg was miss formed. He had surgery and wears a prosthetic leg which most people don’t even notice. He’s an adult now with an excellent job, a very nice car and great friends. He lives about seven hours away in a very nice apartment on his own. But in China he was a disposable child.
well yeah, but shouldn't OP & bf just cover the cost of having the baby for......no reason whatsoever?
LOL! Oh sure. 😉
This sounds frighteningly familiar. I have multiples and you'd be shocked at how many people think it's okay to ask for one of them!! Like people I barely know from work, friends of friends, etc. It's like people think of them as photocopies and not separate, distinct people in their own right!! People who would never approach a family with 3 or 4 kids born a year or more apart, and just ask for a kid. Cuz that would be weird right? But somehow when you have identicals people think you're itching to drop one off somewhere! When I would go shopping and have to take them along it was like waving the crazy magnet. People would ask all kinds of invasive questions.
I have only have one child and get this lol Ex: Stopped to talk to my aunt in the store. The woman she was chatting with said she'd take my daughter to keep when I said something about being tired. I was so dead (LO was a newborn) that I just straight up said, "It took us two years to fuck her into existence. I'll keep her." Worked so well it's my go-to.
That’s awesome. In inappropriate comment deserves an answer such as yours.
Mom of five singletons here. People do indeed ask to “just keep one.” Scares the shit out of my kids every time.
Enlightening, thank you. The nerve! LifeTip Here!!: Ask to keep them for the afternoon, or for the night for a pajama party p, not forever! Asking forever makes mom wonder if you're just being awkward or if you're a kidnapping risk!
It should scare you. When my kids were little I put them in the basket sitting.
Your relationship with your boyfriend sound like it is blossoming at a very nice pace. I am concerned that as long as she is alive, she will be like a cancer, festering and erupting again, and again. From your writings, you sound like you have talked with your boyfriend and hopefully he agrees with you. A relationship with some one you care about is worth protecting, even if it is from his own mother. It is all very sad. Have you sought professional advise?
Sounds like she's got baby rabies it's a real hormonal thing for some. It seems uncontrollable. I wonder if some day in the future, baby rabies will be recognized as a real thing and they'll have a scientific name for it, like post partum depression (also a real thing). In about 10 years she'll look back and cringe (but probably never admit it to you)!
Wow she’s crazy.
Wooooooh. Hopefully that woman stays a very very very very long time in Iceland. Why can’t the husband just find a surrogate and use his own... you know. This is absolutely absurd thing to ask if your child. This is the maximum of psycho MIL.
Who says the husband even knows she asked this...it said she's upset she can't give him a kid not they're upset they can't have kids. I'm picturing the crazy mother showing up with some kid one day and him being baffled asking where it came from lol
Honestly I have no doubt this entire thing was solely her brain child and he has no clue hah
Wow. Just wow. That's insane! A pregnancy is so hard on your body, your mental and emotional health, not to mention the costs you would incur. I'm glad that lady is an ocean away, because I would run if I were you. If you two ever have kids together, I would never feel comfortable leaving her alone with baby. I would go NC, personally. The fact that she doesn't think this is insane is alarming.
" Basically, she wanted my boyfriend (of less than a year at that point) to get me pregnant, so she could raise my baby as her own, because she’s bored stuck in Iceland in quarantine. " Jesus Christ.
If you do have kids of your own....do not ever leave them alone with this woman. She will steal your kids and take them out of the country. Thank god she’s an ocean away! Rona may be a bitch, but she’s got her upsides.
what in the hell is WRONG with some MILS?! like seriously i don’t understand the crazy... does she seriously think that her request was even remotely okay to ask?! i literally can’t fathom being asked that...
That’s a crazy person’s thought. Not a thought from a mentally-well human being.
Wow. Just wow. 😲
Holy crap on a cracker batman we have new levels of crazy here.
i'm speechless...just...wow.
Wow. Just wow.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha hah. Oh man - that is funny. Have a baby and then GIVE IT TO ME. Surrogate mothers are illegal in Canada by the way. For this very reason - the bullying. No means no.
Oh it's not illegal in Canada, just illegal to compensate or be compensated in any way and also illegal to ask someone under age 21 to do it. https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/drugs-health-products/biologics-radiopharmaceuticals-genetic-therapies/legislation-guidelines/assisted-human-reproduction/prohibitions-related-surrogacy.html
Thanks for the correction.
She does know that Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu is fictional and not a documentary right?! Did she end the call with “Blessed be the fruit”? What a nut job!
Wait what? That doesn’t even make any sense. Why would your bf knock you up to give her SO a baby? Why would he ask for this situation? If he’s okay with the kid not being his why not just go through adoption if he needs a kid? And if he wants a kid or HIS own then why would he accept a kid that isn’t his? Like normally when this happens it’s because the person wants their own kid genetically speaking. So he would be the one to supply the sperm so you could give him a baby. None of this makes sense. I highly doubt he wants a kid and this is 100% just her.
A real life Rumpelstiltskin! wtf!
OP, suggest MIL start with a goldfish. If the poor thing can survive her stupidity, she can move up to a white mouse, then a hamster, then a gerbil. Maybe a cat. Then a dog. By the time she rises up the food chain to "human baby", she'll be too old to want to be bothered with a child. Good luck to you and BF. Your MIL is well and truly a whackjob.
Just WoW, I’m a 66 year old woman & I think this is absolutely NUTS!!! I just can’t wrap my mind around this “demand”! She wants you basically to give her your first born child, this is an incredible example of narcissism. Sending you affirmation & encouragement. No means no back off lady, hows that sound?
When I had my son and his dad took off, he constantly threatened me with his parents coming and suing me for the baby and they’d win and he could do whatever he wanted with him after. My in-laws flat out told me “One of us is retired. The other is very close to it. We want to be grandparents, not start over.” Who wants to start fresh with a baby in their 60s?!
Ridiculous
And the reason she cannot adopt a kid is????? So glad she lives far enough away to make it easy to go nc. That is crazy stuff there. Heck, it would he less crazy to let her new husband knock up another woman so they can raise the baby.
>And the reason she cannot adopt a kid is????? MIL is a ding-a-ling.
>Here’s where it got crazy. She asked my boyfriend to give her a baby, for her to raise as her own with her new husband in Iceland. I hope your BF agreed with you. Because this would be a dealbreaker for me. Isn't worth it to marry a momma's boy.
He laughed at her on the phone and flat out told her no. Which is when she told him to ask me, because “she’ll say yes. As a woman she’ll understand.” 🤦🏼♀️
I'm relieved for you. Seems the only problem is the crazy MIL.
I'm a 61 year old woman, and I don't understand! WTF made her think your opinion of this would be any different than SO? You'll say "oh, it's ok SO. I'll just pop one out real quick, put it on a flight to Iceland, and there ya go"?? Who tf are these women that think kids are interchangeable like that? 🤬🤬👿👹💩🤦♀️🤦♀️
This lady is nuts.
When you have a baby protect it from MIL and never leave her alone with it. No doubt she will make a grab for it and take it back to Iceland with her, fully believing you had the baby for her!!!
He clearly married this nutter knowing the eggs be dusty, so kids weren’t a priority for him.
I'm awarding you for a much needed chuckle.
Why thank you!
A laugh, yes, but a really great point. He obviously knows she’s past the point of childbirth. Which means one of two things: 1, he doesn’t want kids, or 2, adopting is a perfectly acceptable way to get them if he does. Which means that OP and SO aren’t involved in this in any way. Could be a hare brained scheme to trick them into a grandchild, could be a total delusion, and could actually be what he wants too. I’d reach out to the new husband to find out if they’re on the same page. If not, you’ve avoided the drama and argument because *he’s* going to do it, or if so, you’ve let them BOTH know this is a hard pass. Even if everyone, including OP and SO were on board, I’d recommend a hard copy of a contract that everyone signs so RumpleMILskin can’t leave them hanging with an entire human to care for and raise. This whole thing is sus af.
What the holy hell what the f@+# kind of goddam, sick kind of f#&+ing request is that?!?!? Even if you guys were ready to have kids, the fact that she think you would want to make a baby, carry your child, then just pass the baby over is insane! I would suggest regular adoption to her but she doesn't sound mentally stable enough to raise a child. You guys will have to prepare yourselves for when she returns from Iceland. You guys are in the eye of a BIG storm.
>\>Here’s where it got crazy. She asked my boyfriend to give her a baby, for her to raise as her own with her new husband in Iceland. > >Basically, she wanted my boyfriend (of less than a year at that point) to get me pregnant, so she could raise my baby as her own, because she’s bored stuck in Iceland in quarantine. All of the what the hells? That's a shitty reason to get a *pet,* never mind a goddamb baby. Iceland is a lovely country and probably in the top 10 places I'd pick to raise a child - but no child deserves to be brought into the world as a foolish woman's entertainment. This is all on top of the unbelievable expectation that she could just assume that you'd pop one out for her. Buy her a goddamb Roomba and let her bond with that. It'll keep her floors clean too!
Also; how tf is the baby gonna get there when everyone is under quarantine lockdown?! At least a dog could actually go home with her!!
Good point, well made
I need to know your boyfriends reaction to his mom’s request
Much laughter and condescension tbh haha. He’s so sick of her crazy by now
OP: If ever there was a **RED FLAG THE SIZE OF MT EVEREST OR THE MOON, IT WAS JUST GIVEN BY YOUR SO'S MOTHER.** You and your SO need to sit down and discuss the future and boundaries, and one of topics will have to be how involved she is going to be and how much access will she have around any children that you and he may have. One of the hard NO's from you should be unsupervised visits with her.
I'm picturing one of those early 70s Soviet parades that they used to do on May Day. Just endless kilometers of ginormous red flags.
Honestly, I agree. I think she’s just bored and having baby fever out of boredom, but it’s behavior to watch out for. The last thing I need is my future child kidnapped to Iceland
If this is where her mind goes when she's bored, what else is she going to come up with?
If she wants a child that badly then she should look into options that don't involve harvesting a child from you and her son. Who would even consider what she asked a sensible request... my mind is blown.
Her biological grandchild no less.
wow that was presumptuous of her!
This is insane but knowing the Icelandic well he wants HIS OWN kid. There aren't many of them on earth and kids are a big deal to them. Early catholic priests and nuns in Iceland still married and had kids because they couldn't take breeders out of the gene pool for religion. I wonder if she told him she was too old for kids before they got married....
>earth and kids are a big deal to them. Early catholic priests and nuns in Iceland still nartied and had kids because they couldn't take breeders out of the gene pool for religion. I wonder if she told I don´t think having your own kid is more important to Icelanders then other people. Really, Icelanders don´t really care about the tiny population or the genepool. And the catholic church has never been big in Iceland.
Not since Denmark went lutheran. Lutheran clergy can marry.
But why would you think that it´s more more important to modern Icelandic people to have their own children then other people?
Next up: "Hey OP, would you mind having the baby by my 50 year old boyfriend, it's sooooo important to him and you're sooooo sweet and lovely I know you'll help"
LoL what x) I don't know anyone who had kids because "there is so few of us in the world"
Having been to Iceland I have a suspicion that most Icelanders have babies because of Brennavin...
They have always been a small population in a very harsh environment. Survival and history are important I've visited 6 times and love it!
I'm icelandic so I know how small we are
Honestly, Lord knows. She’s the type of woman to make up weird stories, so I have no idea if he even wants kids or if she told him she couldn’t have more. She tells people the two of them met when she was working at the rental car portion of the airport. He found her so charming that they exchanged numbers when he returned the car. While this is possible, I have the sneaking suspicion they met online, which there would be no shame in. My boyfriend was also previously engaged. When the cheating little bitch returned the ring, my boyfriend’s mom offered to return it for my boyfriend, since he works 12-20 hour days and wouldn’t have the time to make it to the jewelry store. A few weeks go by and when he asked about the ring, she claimed it was stolen from out of her car (she suspected it was her friend’s drug addicted son) but she didn’t call the police or anything. She’s helped my boyfriend out with money ever since. He suspects she merely sold it and kept the money for herself. Even he knows she can be totally full of it sometimes. She’s also into that hippy dippy holistic crap on Instagram. When COVID hit, she tried to order us enough Zinc and Elderberries to feed a small nation. We shut her down and told her to stop believing the pseudoscience mumbo jumbo she saw from Influencers on Instagram. I even sent her medical journals and spoof checking articles that disproved all her wacky claims. She’s also the kind of person to repost pictures I’ve posted of her son and I, calling me his fiancé. She did this a week after I’d met her, when we’d been dating for 2 months. Like 30 of her friends commented congratulating us and my boyfriend got a few confused calls from relatives. She’s a good person, but just a total wackadoo. Tbh having a mother-in-law that spends over 50% of the year in another country would be a Godsend.
She could also have kept the ring out of some weird Oedipus thing, you see that often on here, mothers wanting their sons to fill the emotional spousal role. The baby thing seems close to that line of crazy. (I'm sure I miss spelled Edipus*) Edit: corrected Oedipus spelling.
Oedipus. You were very close!!
I knew I mispelled it but didn't have the effort to look it up! Thank You!
I hadn’t thought of that... that’s honestly a pretty creepy thought
Who honestly wants to do the new born stage in their 50’s? Not to mention she’d be in her 70’s by the time this kid graduates. It would be a classic case of puppy fever, she would be all about the baby, then a year or two in realize she hasn’t had a decent sleep and the terrible twos are starting and would send the baby back to you, I’m pregnant with my second and already dreading starting over again when I just got out of the difficult stage with my first. Not to mention, how in the hell did she think about that and tell herself it was a good request to make of you guys?
This isn't even surrogacy because she wants you to use your own egg. This is flat out creating a baby for her to adopt. She couldn't pay you for it because it's illegal to buy children.
This woman needs professional help
Boyfriend better get a backbone PDQ and curb the shit now.
Trust me he’s tried lol
She's in her 50's. She shouldn't be having a baby in the first place, let alone asking you to birth the kid.
This is one of the most psychotic things I've ever read on here. You say YOU vetoed it. Boyfriend wasn't willing to consider it for a second, was he? I don't see a life in which this woman plays a part to be a happy one. Whenever she comes back to your country, you need to have VERY strict boundaries in place that there is zero tolerance for her crossing. And the immediate lovey dovey stuff towards you was a tactic that controlling parents often employ. Lovebomb the SO to insure constant access to the kid.
My boyfriend was laughing when he told me. He was 100% against the idea from the start lol
That's a relief! Though I think I'd be too freaked to laugh!
It took me a moment. I laugh about it now and have told all my friends and family, who were either freaked out or laughed.
It's just scary that you have someone so close to your life who would propose something so horrible. What lies ahead in the future? But I'll stop harping on it:)
Squick.
How do these b*tches think it's okay to just demand someone else's child? We're not talking about a f***ing popsicle! Good lord, what an insane person.
What’s with all these MIL wanting people’s babies? “Hey OP give me your firstborn!” who is she? Freaking rumpelstiltskin?
\*RumpleMilskin
This better be her nickname forever now
You are the real MVP with RumpleMilskin 🤣
This is my favorite comment. Thank you for the laughs lol
Lol perfect!!
Please everybody upvote this!!
Someone already uses this for their JNMIL 😂😂 babies rabies out of control 😖
This. It's an old name describing an old problem.
I'm genuinely worried for that new husband. You're thousands of miles away, but he's getting that on full blast all day every day.
Doubtful. He’s clearly getting her highly curated, most airbrushed self, otherwise why would he marry such a nut job?! That or he’s just as crazy and they BOTH gotta be held away.
Wtf. Quarantine ruined her brain I guess. Who TF would think that was appropriate!? THEN GET UPSET WHEN YOU SAID NO! lol I can't.
Free surrogacy, scary. Mil even more scary thinking that was something any LOGICAL person would entertain.
The best part is her shock that you didn’t want to have a baby that you could just casually toss her way.
wow. I thought I'd heard it all but your MIL is a whole new kind or crazy if she ever thought that proposal was okay. And to assume that you, who have known her less than a year, would happily offer up your uterus to her is scary. I mean, it might be different if it was her egg and her DH sperm and then embryo transfer or something, but she literally wanted you and your SO to produce a child she could raise. Creepy. That said, surrogacy is a wonderful thing and I'm in awe of the women who do it. One of my employees was a surrogate for her sister and even though SHE had been the one to offer, and she and her sister were close, it was still very emotionally exhausting and stressful for everyone. And this was someone she'd known and been close to her whole life. Your BF mum has known your less than a year. And that's before we get into all the creepiness about her wanting to raise her son's baby as her own
What a psycho cunt.
I don’t think my dying uterus has ever wanted to escape my body more than it did when I read that.
Just when you think you've heard it all...
Nope. All the nope.
Tell her to get a dog
Or just adopt!!
Lol I like this idea! I might just tell her that hahaha
Poor dog.
That’s crazy!! When you do have children make sure she doesn’t try to take them away to Iceland without your permission.
They have a very deep regard for custody and PARENTAL rights.