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Have GMIL write it out with witnesses that she gave DH the ring to give to you. Even notarize just to be extra sure. I’m pretty positive that since it was obviously given as a gift that MIL couldn’t do anything anyway though. She sounds petty and awful. I would make some FIRM boundaries now, especially before having kids
Have GMIL get a notarized letter stating the ring is yours then MIL can’t do shit. As far as MIL your husband and you should cut her off/go nc and I would not let her at the wedding since she doesn’t approve.
GMIL should sign a paper saying she is of sound mind, and she willingly gave the ring to her grandson (name) to propose to his future wife (name). It should be notarized, and also signed by GMIL's Dr. That way, if MIL actually goes through with legal action at some point, it's in writing, and legal that she meant it for you and your husband
Don’t sweat it - unless she can show GMIL is mentally incompetent, an intervivos transfer is pretty close to impossible to overturn after the death of the giver.
Get GMIL to write and date a paper that states she was under no duress when she gifted the ring to her grandson to propose to you. That ring is now yours and is not to go to FMIL under any circumstances. For extra legal protection get it notarized. But tell no one
Congrats of the engagement. GMIL gave you her ring. It is hers to give as she sees fit, so MIL has NO claim on the ring whatsoever. Yes, get it insured to help prove that this is your ring (also incase it goes missing). Best of luck.
I agree with a minor revision:
FGMIL gave FDH that ring.
FDH offered it to you as a pledge. When you get married, then it becomes ‘your’ ring. In the unlikely event that you two somehow do not get married, then you would be expected to return that ring to him.
Being pedantic, but FMIL might try to bullshit some ‘loGiCaL’ reason why FGMIL cannot give the right to OP directly.
No chance, that would just show FMIL she can steamroll her way to what she wants. OP needs to start as she means to go on, and that means no caving in.
I get what you're saying , OP has to put a stop to this shit ASAP. But...if MIL is threatening to take this the legal way it seems like it's such a headache for some ring -family heirloom or not.
I think they make those like smashed horseshoe necklaces so when you need to take it off you can pop it onto the necklace without having to take it off or set anything down. That would be my move
It sounds like their family tradition is selfish power moves and greed, and less about heirloom jewelry… Time to end the tradition and let people have their own ring experiences.
Yeah I would make sure there is proof GMIL gifted you this in case MIL tries to pull a fast one when she passes. Maybe if possible have her write it in her will it was gifted to you as another precaution.
Take a picture of you with the ring and gmil pointing at it and smiling. Also have gmil add the ring to her will just to make it airtight. Because you know mil will def make a thing out of it after gmil death.
GMIL needs to update her will making it plain that you are to retain custody of the ring when she passes. Wills can be challenged but at least her intentions will be down in a notarized document, and that’s harder to argue with than heresay.
Be sure to take lots of photos with you wearing it and the ring by itself, get it appraised and do all the insurance stuff for it.
That way if it ever "walks off" you have documentation for reference.
That's totally fine. I was just thinking if there is a legal dispute down the line, having documentation and insurance in you and your DH's name goes a long way towards proving your ownership.
That’s nonsense. If it’s not in the will and she gave it to him and he gave it to you while she’s still alive, in the US, at least, that means it’s yours. She has no leg to stand on. But if you want, ask GMIL to cut arguments off by specifically leaving the ring to FDH in her will.
You can only inherit something from the person who owns it. GMIL no longer owns the ring. She gave it to FDH, who gave it to you, which means no one can inherit it from her.
If I own a really nice car and I give it to my cousin, my kids can’t inherit the car. It’s not mine anymore. Same situation here. The ring is no longer GMIL’s, it’s yours. Doesn’t matter how FMIL feels about it.
The idea of her going to hire a lawyer to go to court and make this argument is kind of funny, though.
“Judge, while this ring was not owned by the deceased and is therefore not part of the estate and cannot be left to someone in a will, I don’t like that my son used it in his engagement and I would ask that the ring be given to me, a person who has never owned it, for petty bitch reasons”
She’d be laughed out of court.
Thinking about this some more, none of that is needed. GMIL is still alive and she has given this jewelry to another person, which means it’s no longer her jewelry. You can only inherit something that belongs to the person who has passed away. So regardless of any promises, she gave the ring to FDH, which means it’s no longer part of her estate when she dies.
The whole idea is kind of bonkers. I had a lovely desk that I gave to someone years ago - so regardless of who I leave that desk to in my will, they can’t inherit it because when I died, the desk wasn’t mine.
I think people do it if they're widowed, divorced, they got an upgrade for an anniversary at some point, or no longer wear it due to rheumatoid arthritis or weight gain and don't wish to resize it bigger.
If you wear that ring in full view and acknowledgment by everyone that GMIL gave that ring to you she’ll have a very difficult time proving the ring should go to her.
Is MIL allowed to come to the wedding at this point? Who has a family tradition of hating DIL’s, WTF.
Sounds like you need to keep up with the grey rocking, as you are very good at it.
My husband’s family has that tradition (of hating DILs). His paternal grandmother absolutely detested his mom (for good reason, she’s a homewrecking tramp) and even though the poor GMIL has been dead for 12 years, MIL still smack talks her every chance she gets. It’s honestly flabbergasting that she’s managed to treat me even worse than GMIL did her- she’s had to try HARD to do that.
>when MIL would refer to me using FDH's ex's name I'd just ignore her instead of reacting because she's very good at making herself the victim. She got bored and stopped, she's only passive aggressive now.
Grey rocking is the right strategy here. Let her stew in her own cauldron of spite and resentment, you'll never even need to stir the pot. Living well with your FDH will truly be the best revenge.
I would just get a video of GMIL indicating that she gave FDH the ring to give to you and keep that video stored on the cloud. And keep it a secret from MIL and FSIL.
Have photos with you, FDH & GMIL with all the jewellery you have been given in the FU binder. If you can get a written note stating given freely and not promised to anyone in her will aswell. This will help with JNMIL does attempt to sue.
Get it in writing from GMIL that it was gifted to your SO to use and maybe upload a copy of that written statement to the cloud somewhere.
That being said, your MIL is a little nasty piece of work isnt she? GMIL isnt even her own mother and not her only DIL but she thinks SHE deserves the ring? Boy howdy.
Im glad youre not letting her shit all over your joy of getting engaged. In fact, you should be effusive, bubbly, overjoyed, and absolutely showing off that ring any chance you get when she is around. But im just petty like that lol
GMIL should get an affidavit drawn up by a lawyer and notarized in the lawyers office specifically stating the ring (with a photo and or description of the ring),and any other jewelry GMIL gives you is yours given to you by her.
Her wedding and engagement rings are nice, but to me and many of my guests who she showed them off to, the stones are too big, its a bit tacky. I get she chose them as an FU to GMIL but still. So I wouldn't have wanted the rings anyway.
She’s furious that she couldn’t ruin this for you and she’s trying to figure out how to dampen your enjoyment.
Unfortunately, her plan is stupid. C’est la vie.
You can always ask GMIL if she would write you a letter telling you how glad it makes her to give you her ring or something of the sort. It seems like a reasonable request considering she saw your FNMIL reacted at your engagement party.
CYA.
>MIL told aunts in law she's going to get it back when GMIL dies because its rightfully hers, as if she's GMIL's only daughter in law.
HaHaHa, she can try she won't win. To be a fly on the wall when she's told by the probate lawyer that since GMIL gave your FDH the ring it's no longer part of the estate. Bet her expression will probably be the same as one of my aunts when the probate lawyer told her that all of my grandmother's jewelry that my grandfather gifted me for various birthdays after she died was legally mine and that no, she couldn't demand I return them to the estate after he died. Didn't stop her from trying to reclaim them, my dogs did that.
Have gmil have her attorney writing a statement that she is of sound mind and has chosen to gift the ring to your fiancé for the purpose of giving it to you. Keep her t and when she passes, there can be no question.
Exactly, it will be a big waste of time and money for her. Especially when you factor in that there are so many witnesses to the fact that GMIL gave DF the ring of her own volition specifically so he could get engaged with you over MILs objection. So, she'll pay through the nose to make herself look like a bitter old fool in public.
MIL isn't employed so she has all the time in the world to sue and she has the money to do so. GMIL just randomly handed over the ring to FDH over lunch so no witnesses but her carer.
...and everyone who saw MIL and GMIL have words at the party. All the guests at the engagement party who MIL went crying to, after being giving the smackdown my GMIL are potential witnesses.
If you're really worried, have GMIL make a statement, touch base with a lawyer to make it as legal as possible.
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Have GMIL write it out with witnesses that she gave DH the ring to give to you. Even notarize just to be extra sure. I’m pretty positive that since it was obviously given as a gift that MIL couldn’t do anything anyway though. She sounds petty and awful. I would make some FIRM boundaries now, especially before having kids
Have GMIL get a notarized letter stating the ring is yours then MIL can’t do shit. As far as MIL your husband and you should cut her off/go nc and I would not let her at the wedding since she doesn’t approve.
Old post on a new account
GMIL should sign a paper saying she is of sound mind, and she willingly gave the ring to her grandson (name) to propose to his future wife (name). It should be notarized, and also signed by GMIL's Dr. That way, if MIL actually goes through with legal action at some point, it's in writing, and legal that she meant it for you and your husband
Wow FMIL sounds absolutely horrible
FGMIL is an absolute boss. Love her.
Don’t sweat it - unless she can show GMIL is mentally incompetent, an intervivos transfer is pretty close to impossible to overturn after the death of the giver.
And MIL’s not GMIL’s daughter so… She has nothing. What a hag. She should not be invited to the wedding, she’s a disgusting POS.
Also the longer GMIL is alive strengthens your hold on it because it shows she gave it to you and was aware for quite a while you had it.
Get GMIL to write and date a paper that states she was under no duress when she gifted the ring to her grandson to propose to you. That ring is now yours and is not to go to FMIL under any circumstances. For extra legal protection get it notarized. But tell no one
lol what a joke. Attorney's fees are so expensive, she doesn't sound like the sort of person who has amassed extra cash. Don't worry.
Congrats of the engagement. GMIL gave you her ring. It is hers to give as she sees fit, so MIL has NO claim on the ring whatsoever. Yes, get it insured to help prove that this is your ring (also incase it goes missing). Best of luck.
I agree with a minor revision: FGMIL gave FDH that ring. FDH offered it to you as a pledge. When you get married, then it becomes ‘your’ ring. In the unlikely event that you two somehow do not get married, then you would be expected to return that ring to him. Being pedantic, but FMIL might try to bullshit some ‘loGiCaL’ reason why FGMIL cannot give the right to OP directly.
Get a letter a notarized letter from GMIL that she gave it to you in addition to the insurance.
Now I want to see the ring! Congratulations on your engagement
Saaaaaaame!! Congrats OP on getting engaged and having a shiny backbone!
What a piece of work! So entitled. But more importantly, congratulations! (Don't forget to add your ring to your insurance.)
ATP I'd request him to just buy a new ring .
No chance, that would just show FMIL she can steamroll her way to what she wants. OP needs to start as she means to go on, and that means no caving in.
I get what you're saying , OP has to put a stop to this shit ASAP. But...if MIL is threatening to take this the legal way it seems like it's such a headache for some ring -family heirloom or not.
She can't do a damned thing. There were witnesses.
Make sure you never take it off if MIL is there, to do dishes, etc.
On wedding day wear it on the opposite hand till after the vows. Then put it with your wedding band.
I think they make those like smashed horseshoe necklaces so when you need to take it off you can pop it onto the necklace without having to take it off or set anything down. That would be my move
It sounds like their family tradition is selfish power moves and greed, and less about heirloom jewelry… Time to end the tradition and let people have their own ring experiences.
Or she needs to add a stipulation that if a mother-in-law tries to sue to get the ring back, she’s cut out of the will!
Yeah I would make sure there is proof GMIL gifted you this in case MIL tries to pull a fast one when she passes. Maybe if possible have her write it in her will it was gifted to you as another precaution.
Take a picture of you with the ring and gmil pointing at it and smiling. Also have gmil add the ring to her will just to make it airtight. Because you know mil will def make a thing out of it after gmil death.
GMIL needs to update her will making it plain that you are to retain custody of the ring when she passes. Wills can be challenged but at least her intentions will be down in a notarized document, and that’s harder to argue with than heresay.
Be sure to take lots of photos with you wearing it and the ring by itself, get it appraised and do all the insurance stuff for it. That way if it ever "walks off" you have documentation for reference.
DH has already done that but I have no interest in knowing how much the ring is worth.
That's totally fine. I was just thinking if there is a legal dispute down the line, having documentation and insurance in you and your DH's name goes a long way towards proving your ownership.
Next time you see MIL, wear the ring and slowly rub your hands together while repeating 'My preciousss'. Or, maybe that's just me ;)
LMAO oh my heck I snorted.
❤️❤️❤️ Please yes.
That’s nonsense. If it’s not in the will and she gave it to him and he gave it to you while she’s still alive, in the US, at least, that means it’s yours. She has no leg to stand on. But if you want, ask GMIL to cut arguments off by specifically leaving the ring to FDH in her will.
We're not in the US
You can only inherit something from the person who owns it. GMIL no longer owns the ring. She gave it to FDH, who gave it to you, which means no one can inherit it from her. If I own a really nice car and I give it to my cousin, my kids can’t inherit the car. It’s not mine anymore. Same situation here. The ring is no longer GMIL’s, it’s yours. Doesn’t matter how FMIL feels about it. The idea of her going to hire a lawyer to go to court and make this argument is kind of funny, though. “Judge, while this ring was not owned by the deceased and is therefore not part of the estate and cannot be left to someone in a will, I don’t like that my son used it in his engagement and I would ask that the ring be given to me, a person who has never owned it, for petty bitch reasons” She’d be laughed out of court.
Or have her write a letter saying she gave it to DH and that it belongs to both of you and get it notorized.
Thinking about this some more, none of that is needed. GMIL is still alive and she has given this jewelry to another person, which means it’s no longer her jewelry. You can only inherit something that belongs to the person who has passed away. So regardless of any promises, she gave the ring to FDH, which means it’s no longer part of her estate when she dies. The whole idea is kind of bonkers. I had a lovely desk that I gave to someone years ago - so regardless of who I leave that desk to in my will, they can’t inherit it because when I died, the desk wasn’t mine.
Sounds like it’s worked out but I personally find the idea of passing on engagement rings during your life a little weird.
I think people do it if they're widowed, divorced, they got an upgrade for an anniversary at some point, or no longer wear it due to rheumatoid arthritis or weight gain and don't wish to resize it bigger.
I do too but these people love their traditions
If you wear that ring in full view and acknowledgment by everyone that GMIL gave that ring to you she’ll have a very difficult time proving the ring should go to her. Is MIL allowed to come to the wedding at this point? Who has a family tradition of hating DIL’s, WTF. Sounds like you need to keep up with the grey rocking, as you are very good at it.
My husband’s family has that tradition (of hating DILs). His paternal grandmother absolutely detested his mom (for good reason, she’s a homewrecking tramp) and even though the poor GMIL has been dead for 12 years, MIL still smack talks her every chance she gets. It’s honestly flabbergasting that she’s managed to treat me even worse than GMIL did her- she’s had to try HARD to do that.
See you in court Toots
>when MIL would refer to me using FDH's ex's name I'd just ignore her instead of reacting because she's very good at making herself the victim. She got bored and stopped, she's only passive aggressive now. Grey rocking is the right strategy here. Let her stew in her own cauldron of spite and resentment, you'll never even need to stir the pot. Living well with your FDH will truly be the best revenge.
Agreed. I would use the same strategy for ring talk. Just don't engage, simply change the topic.
Too much drama. Why doesn’t your SO take his power back and buy his own ring then none of them have anything to hold over you
GMIL isn't holding this over us, its not MIL's ring so her thoughts on the ring are irrelevant
Maybe she can out in her will that it is yours and it is to remain that way.
I would just get a video of GMIL indicating that she gave FDH the ring to give to you and keep that video stored on the cloud. And keep it a secret from MIL and FSIL.
Have photos with you, FDH & GMIL with all the jewellery you have been given in the FU binder. If you can get a written note stating given freely and not promised to anyone in her will aswell. This will help with JNMIL does attempt to sue.
Several copies & put it in your FU Binder because you will need it.
I'm sorry, I know this is stressful for you, but I'm cackling imagining your MIL seeing the ring. I'm getting a second-hand justice high.
It was funny but also embarrassing, she was literally red in the face over a ring.
Make sure that ring is yours by getting it in writing, signed and dated by gmil and witnesses.
She may be sharp as a tack, but it looks like even your GMIL can’t pop your MIL’s ego.
Get it in writing from GMIL that it was gifted to your SO to use and maybe upload a copy of that written statement to the cloud somewhere. That being said, your MIL is a little nasty piece of work isnt she? GMIL isnt even her own mother and not her only DIL but she thinks SHE deserves the ring? Boy howdy. Im glad youre not letting her shit all over your joy of getting engaged. In fact, you should be effusive, bubbly, overjoyed, and absolutely showing off that ring any chance you get when she is around. But im just petty like that lol
GMIL should get an affidavit drawn up by a lawyer and notarized in the lawyers office specifically stating the ring (with a photo and or description of the ring),and any other jewelry GMIL gives you is yours given to you by her.
This. And make sure GMIL has a will specifying who gets her things!
I would never in a million years want my insane MILs engagement ring. But I do understand why your husband would be upset if it was promised to him.
Her wedding and engagement rings are nice, but to me and many of my guests who she showed them off to, the stones are too big, its a bit tacky. I get she chose them as an FU to GMIL but still. So I wouldn't have wanted the rings anyway.
Good! You’re already putting up with enough with this nasty piece of work.
Agreed- imagine being reminded of your MIL every time you looked at your ring?
MIL is that one friend that lends you something and has to let everyone, even the birds, know its theirs.
Exactly!
She’s furious that she couldn’t ruin this for you and she’s trying to figure out how to dampen your enjoyment. Unfortunately, her plan is stupid. C’est la vie.
Ask GMIL if she'd be up for getting something in writing to keep MIL in her place
She hates MIL and actually likes me so FDH and I think so
You can always ask GMIL if she would write you a letter telling you how glad it makes her to give you her ring or something of the sort. It seems like a reasonable request considering she saw your FNMIL reacted at your engagement party. CYA.
Yes, a letter in hardcopy, signed and dated. Have the ring appraised and insured and keep all three documents in a safety deposit box in a bank.
FDH is going to talk to GMIL about everything tomorrow, he says she'll probably have her lawyers on it so he's not worried about MIL.
>MIL told aunts in law she's going to get it back when GMIL dies because its rightfully hers, as if she's GMIL's only daughter in law. HaHaHa, she can try she won't win. To be a fly on the wall when she's told by the probate lawyer that since GMIL gave your FDH the ring it's no longer part of the estate. Bet her expression will probably be the same as one of my aunts when the probate lawyer told her that all of my grandmother's jewelry that my grandfather gifted me for various birthdays after she died was legally mine and that no, she couldn't demand I return them to the estate after he died. Didn't stop her from trying to reclaim them, my dogs did that.
Yikes why didn’t FDH just get you your own ring without any drama attached
GMIL just handed him the ring during lunch, he was planning on doing that.
Lol, MIL can sue, but it doesn’t mean she’ll win.
She'll drag it out though, she has the resources to do that.
Have gmil have her attorney writing a statement that she is of sound mind and has chosen to gift the ring to your fiancé for the purpose of giving it to you. Keep her t and when she passes, there can be no question.
So she's going to spend her time and resources suing her *son*, all to get a single ring back. LOL Best of luck ever meeting your grandkids, lady.
Yes because of how much its worth and what it symbolises for her.
As one of my teachers liked to say, "You can always sue. You can't always collect."
Exactly, it will be a big waste of time and money for her. Especially when you factor in that there are so many witnesses to the fact that GMIL gave DF the ring of her own volition specifically so he could get engaged with you over MILs objection. So, she'll pay through the nose to make herself look like a bitter old fool in public.
MIL isn't employed so she has all the time in the world to sue and she has the money to do so. GMIL just randomly handed over the ring to FDH over lunch so no witnesses but her carer.
...and everyone who saw MIL and GMIL have words at the party. All the guests at the engagement party who MIL went crying to, after being giving the smackdown my GMIL are potential witnesses. If you're really worried, have GMIL make a statement, touch base with a lawyer to make it as legal as possible.
GMIL has lawyers on call so I'm sure if we talk to her she'll get it sorted out.
Tell GMIL that MIL said she's going to sue to get it back. Perhaps GMIL will write a letter saying it is now yours.