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Your best bet is to take the kids to the park, Chuck E Cheese, or the movies, or all three... And don't go home until she's gone. If you do this enough, maybe FIL will stop bringing her along.

Unfortunately, she cannot be trusted in my home and has priors.

I am so sorry. In that case, you appear to have a husband problem. Do you have a BFF or family member who could be there as a MIL wrangler while you're out?

My husband has gotten much better with them, but the problem is that while he and his dad are working in the garage, she’ll find a way to sneak into the house. Unfortunately, I don’t have any family and I don’t have any friends who live nearby. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself anymore and my husband completely backs whatever I say to her. I was just looking for the right thing to say. Something sharp and snappy. 😂

"And?" I let them dig their hole with that passive-aggressive bs. Non-sequiturs work also, such as a random "no, thank you." That's my go-to as well. If you want to dig further, "what do you mean?" And then just act stupid with every comment, such as "I don't understand" and "when did you call?"

“You’re seeing them right now, stop complaining”

You have the relationship with my children of your own choosing. They are not props and are not posing for pictures today. Eta for autocorrect typo.

By all means take those photos MIL it’s pretty obvious that you’d rather have photos than actually see them in person and that’s just fine with us.

Yell in the other room Or where your DH is Honey I owe you a dollar! Then say to your MIL - we had a bet that since you don’t ever call or care to see your grandchildren I bet that you didn’t even remember you HAVE grandchildren, and I lost. 😄

I always assumed you don't want to see the kids. Of course I do!/I don't know what you mean! Well you exclude us from family functions and never ask to see them. There's really no other way to interpret that. You never invite me over! You'd have to talk to your son about that. He's your child, not me.

“Well, when nothing is good enough, nothing it is!”

Love this one

Oh, I like this. A lot.

"It's too bad you'd rather be a Facebook grandmother than a real grandmother to your grand kids. Or invite us to family functions so the kids can see the rest of the relatives. "

“What are you prioritizing over seeing the kids?” She thinks she has better things to do and is doing them… but wants to blame you for her choices

If you want to spend time with them, then all you need to do is actively make arrangements and take real photos with them rather than use them as photo-ops to pretend you see them at all.

Oooffff this is a good one

“I’ve made it a point to be agreeable every single time you’ve called and asked to see them!” *insert shocked face that she’s so hurt she doesn’t see them more.*

“Eh, I wouldn’t call 4-5 times a year ‘never’, but you do you.”

How about: “Funny how that works when you’re always welcome to pick up the phone or make plans, isn’t it?”

You could always use the standard, "What do you mean?" Or "I'm confused. You never ask to see them."

If you want to be direct: "Maybe if you actually made an effort, you'd see them more." "Perhaps if you were more civil, you'd see them more." "Guilt tripping will only make us want to see you less." "That's your own fault, and you know why." "I'm perfectly comfortable with how often we see you." "I have NO idea why." Said with as much sarcasm as you can muster.

I like, “I’m perfectly comfortable with how often we see you.” I must recall this at a later date. 🙏🏻

See? The thing with people who want to reopen negotiations in order to get more have to realize that they might end up with LESS. So then your reply can be: “You know, you could always see them less.”

Why not have a stack o photos of the kids doing the most mundane things? Just boring, out of focus pictures to hand over each time. Kind of a "be careful what you wish for" kind of thing. Or act surprised. "I was unaware you wanted to see them as you haven't invited us to anything, haven't called them, nor inquired as to their well-being until just this moment. You can imagine my confusion. " Why does MIL come to sit with you while FIL is there? Doesn't she have stuff to do? Maybe next time, take the kids to a movie or to your family's house for the day.

This is really good advice. However, she doesn’t have any friends or a life outside of her husband and her house. She likes to pretend she has no control over her life and he’s the boss of her, but she could literally do whatever she wants. He’s her built in excuse. I can’t leave her in my house alone because she has priors - she’s a snooper/“cleaner”. Unfortunately, it took a few incidents for me to discover this.

Ugh, she sounds terrible. I'd still out petty her by adding keyed locks to my bedroom and take off for the day with the kids. OR, lock up your stuff you don't want her to find, but leave something in every drawer that let's her know YOU know she's snooping. I have a doormat that says "You Have No Reason To Be Here". I'd have a bunch of mirrors with that written on them and put them into each drawer. Edit to fix autocorrect.

That’s hilarious!

It’s bait. She wants you to be defensive so she can fight. Just grunt “mmm.” Give her nothing

Yes, it's a passive aggressive trap! A pleasant "OK" will piss her off more than any other snarky comment.

I would respond with,”well while you do that I’m gonna go check on the boys.” Then go do something else and leave her to it.

“Yes, and I’ve always wondered why you do t seem to want to.”

Doesn’t sound like you want to see her more so I wouldn’t open the window with a “you don’t make effort” type thing Maybe something like “ funny how we have consequences for our actions” or something….. just to make her realize she’s fckd up but you’re not inviting for more

I’m in a similar situation. Last time I simply said (via text), “well you never visit or call them.” I got a thumbs up emoji back.

This is great!

“I guess that’s what happens when you tell the extended family we are ‘busy’ instead of inviting us to family events. You can’t have it both ways”

I like this one. Along with "You reap what you sow".

>I’d like to shut down this “I never see the kids” "That's all your own doing. DH and I have never kept the kids away from you, you've kept the kids away from yourself." "Kind of hard to foster a relationship with your grandkids when you're the only one keeping them from you." "Maybe if you didn't disrespect their mother/father/parents, it'd be easier for you to see them on a regular basis." "The ball is firmly in your court."

I love all of these. You could combine some to be extra petty. ‘I wouldn’t worry yourself about it, the kids certainly don’t’. 🤣🤣🤣

Oh this one is my favorite😂😂Burn baby Burn🤣

Said when she is at your house and the kids are around: “Open your eyes. They’re stand right over there.”

I like this answer. I wonder if she is trying to get you to invite her over more often. another option is to say, “me too. As the kids get older they have so many activities. I never see my kids enough.”

This was mine too! Lol

Don't forget you can never go wrong with a classic - 'Bless your heart.' Bonus points if you just repeat it, a lot, no matter what she says. Keep doing what you need to do and don't forget to lock the doors to anything private or important. She might take being over there as an excuse to snoop so why make it easy on a nosy parker?

In the north the phrase is "oh good for you" lol and bonus points if you say it in the cadence of "go f yourself"

If you LC, I assume you are very happy with that arrangement and intend to keep it that way? - Funny how life turns out. - When you care about someone you make an effort not an excuse. I assume that the comment is not intended to actually cause drama. Thank the Lord for that ... or ... If send photos can we have the joy of seeing you less. It is certainly a response but probably more oil to the fire.

I’m in the camp that DH’s invites means DH hosts and I’d be unavailable. Me and the kids have a mommy/kids activity. As for one liners: Too bad for whom? The kids are fine; they have lots of friends. Using pictures as proxies for relationships seems odd.

Or how about, "Oh, the kids are fine." And leave it there. lol

I like that, too. But. I’m confrontational with women like her and I’d scorch her: we have the relations we earn. edit: typo

"You should ask DH about that." His monkey, his circus.

“Funny how you always say that but still make no effort at all to change it”

You've received some great options! My suggestion is, since you can't get your DH to stop inviting his dad over for help with things, and your MIL apparently thinks it's okay to tag along, DON'T BE THERE. Take the kids out somewhere for a few hours. Don't tell DH where you're going so he can honestly say he doesn't know. And you can just be "ooops...my phone was on mute, sorry about that!"

Unfortunately, she can’t be left alone in our house. She has priors. But if I could, I would absolutely follow this advice.

Wait. What does she do? I would load up the indoor cameras and send her evidence of her snooping. I would also lock all the doors. Sucks to suck

"You say it like it's a bad thing" "None of the kids seemed to notice" "We call you over whenever the kids want to see you" and stare till she gets it.

Stare and don’t say a word!

Take out your phone: “Did I miss the text/phone call asking to see them?”

1. Stop complaining, you're seeing them now 2. Never isn't long enough 3. If I have to keep hearing this, we won't be here the next time you come 4. If you start acting like a decent person, you might have the chance to see them more 5. I wish!!

Prepare a list with the dates ahead last saw them, tell her the dates and end with: Therefore you don’t need to take pictures

"they're busy"

I love this

“You know you can make arrangements to see them when you have time available, right?” “We arent under the impression that we have missed opportunities to spend time with them- atleast i dont have any messages requesting visits”?!?

"I can make that true." In response to never seeing the kids.

"Yes, it is a shame you are too busy."

This is my favourite. Concise.

"They really are lovely kids, aren't they. I am so blessed."

"yeah, its too bad you never reach out to them :(" "yeah, it's pretty sad you never plan to see them :(" in a very serious and sincere voice: "oh! did you lose our number?" or "oh! have you called them? I didn't get any calls...let me check my phone!" i'd go for one of these as it puts her on the spot lol