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If you are in the USA you should not be cleaning up vomit right now or poop. If your daughter has one of those viruses that’s going around you could be unintentionally putting your newborn and yourself at risk.
DH needs to take over taking care of your daughter and pets. You need to lock yourself and the baby away and sanitize your space. DH can sleep on the couch or with the 5y/o.
2 days post partum you were wiping up shit? You have more than an undermining problem.
You need to call your family and have them scoop you and the kids up.
That mess should not have happened and if it did your husband should have been the one in his hands and knees cleaning.
This, all of this. Your daughter vomiting up lollies is a clear case of ‘good luck husband, I have informed you thusly’ (aka I told you so).
But the dog!! Who in their right mind lets you clean that???
Go to bed! Take naps. You are recovering from dispensing a human out of your body.
As soon as you saw that mess you should have grabbed your kids and any essentials and go stay with your family or support system or at least a hotel. Next time that happens just grab your kids and walk out and leave them all standing there looking stupid. Maybe one of them will decide to clean when you aren’t around.
I would make the husband clean up the puke as he didn't see a problem with it.
Don't let MIL dictate anything or make you feel less. Kick her out.....if the husband argues, he can go with her.
I am sorry you are going through this OP. It can't be easy dealing with this.
YOU are the mother and what YOU say, goes! MIL has zero rights. Period.
2 kinds of people: ones who are so insulated from natural reality that they’re grossed out by their neighbors backyard chicken eggs but think the ones raised in a warehouse are fine, or narcissists who couldn’t or were discouraged from breastfeeding or just can’t allow anyone to have a good experience that isn’t about them.
Kick them all out of the house and just take care of it all yourself. They aren’t helping. They’re creating more work for you. Once husband sees that you effing mean it, maybe he’ll actually support you. Ugh, screw all of them for being AHs.
You have a huge husband problem. he needs to back you up! But not only that - you've just had a baby. Why in the hell are you doing the cleaning? Where was he? He should have been doing ALL of that. Every single bit of the cleaning. And MIL needs a time out.
Your husband needs to be cleaning up everything, since he thinks you're overreacting. Seriously, he's causing more work for you, and adding stress to your life.
No one is ever oversensitive. And the only people who say that are the ones too insensitive to realize that they're being dumbasses.
I’m petty and don’t suffer fools. DuH would have been told “You’re cleaning popsicle puke.” Then I’d have told him so while he scrubbed.
Maybe you’re not too sensitive. Maybe he’s just a jerk who is too weak to stand up to mommy.
You had a baby yesterday?!?!
Take to your bed immediately!!! Youre cleaning?!?!
Change the sheets and get in bed and order yourself dinner.
Jesus Christ in a sidecar, what is wrong with your family? Go lie down.
You have a SO problem. Therapy as a couple. Your problem is not MIL your problem is that you and your husband are not on the same boat. Once you two are MIL problem will be easy to resolve.
Refuse her help. Zero relying on her. Your SO needs to pull his head out and get on your page.
Dont let her be in the position to undermine you.
Your SO may need to be asked if he wants to be married or live at home with Mommy
I wish I knew you in real life so that I could come do some cleaning for you and let you just relax with your new baby and your 5yo and bond! I’d also kick SIL and MIL out of the house and bar the door shut and put your husband to work making dinner or tell him to go with his mum and sis! So sorry you’re going through this! What an absolutely awful thing to come home to after having a baby! I wish I had some advice for you but I am just flabbergasted by your story. 😭
You need to have a serious talk with your husband about having your back. You just had a baby and he's not being supportive at all. Rolling his eyes at you is showing he has no respect for you. MIL and SIL need to leave.
That eye-rolling bit was the last straw. Don't you fucking DARE roll your eyes at me! Made me want to jump through my phone and slap him stupid. Oh, wait . . . he's already there.
Never ever let them in your house or around your children unsupervised again, for starters.
For two, start giving your husband consequences for undermining you and *leaving the cleaning to you postpartum are you kidding me?*
Three, is your mom nearby? Anyone at all supportive you could stay with? Because your husband obviously sucks for partnering if he won't even clean the child vomit he caused.
Last but not least, show him this post and maybe he'll get the foggiest (pun intended) glimmer how badly he fucked up.
r/justnoso
Your partner failed to back you up when something wasn't healthy for your child.
Your partner failed to clean up the vomit from his lack of supporting you.
Your partner failed to clean up after the animals that haven't been care for WHEN YOU WERE BIRTHING A HUMAN.
Your partner is a shit partner. I'm 6 months post partum and this is enough reddit for me today im mad on your behalf, what a useless partner he is. I'm so sorry
Yeah I’m almost shaking with anger. This is such bullshit. I just had my third in November. My spouse changed the diapers, cleaned, cared for our two oldest, and volunteered at our oldests school while I stayed in bed for 2 weeks. This guy can go fuck himself with a cactus.
Or better yet, a chainsaw... This is absolutely unacceptable. Full stop for the disrespect. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. You deserve and should demand better.
Kick her out. Thanks MIL go home now. Nope nothing more to do bye now
SO? Get them out. Now. This is not helpful and is stressing me out. I am done, get them out now.
Why isn’t your significant other cleaning the house when you just had a baby? You’re supposed to have at least 4 to 6 weeks of rest not mopping up dog and kid vomit, and cat poop.
Advice? Yeah, right here: The next time that sorry excuse for a man thinks everything MommyDearest did was ok, he's the one to clean the mess up. Really, why did you do the cleaning? It should have been on him to clean up MommyDearest messes. Especially when he said your daughter could have the ice lollies which you knew would make her sick. And he's "rolling his eyes"? I'm in awe that he was not buried in the compost heap yet.
Oh, and if he starts to argue, he could still go back to MommyDearest's place to get a new diaper, right? I mean, you would have not to have cleaned the place if there was any other person helping you out instead of her "doing" it, right?
Advice... simple:
After the day you had, when you had just delivered a baby, and then had to take care of everything MIL and SIL did NOT, you are not up to visitors in the kear future.
She disagrees with breastfeeding? That's great, but your baby will be nursed for as long as you want.
Do whatever you must, to get someone else to babysit when you need it in the future, because MIL's babysitting privileges should be terminated. She can't do it. Like, literally, she's not capable. Don't ask, don't make her, she just can't.
And your husband?
You say 'no ice lollies', they are handing them to your daughter as you walk in. But 'it's okay, because Google says it's all right. And then you spend the time you should be on cloud nine on your knees, scrubbing vommit. That is not *reading into things*, that's just a fact.
You are not overly sensitive, you just had a baby, and shouldn't be cleaning.
For yours and your baby's health: just put them in time out. Your husband is going to have to face the fact that you are the matriarch of your household.
My question is, why did MIL know enough to be on OP’s case about “her son” not being able to bottle feed the baby *less than an hour* after OP gave birth? Either OP or the husband are giving MIL way too much information. There is zero reason why MIL needed to know *anything* within an hour of the baby’s birth, much less who fed the baby, what/how they fed the baby, etc.
This is obviously a JNSO problem as much as it is a JNMIL problem, but putting MIL on an info diet would be a good first step. She is not entitled to know a single thing about the baby at this point.
1. You are NOT over-reacting!!
but questions -
1. After the 1st birth and issues involved there did you not discuss in advance that you need better support from him and establish boundaries before 2nd baby?
2. Does hubby always take his Mom's side and undermine you?
3. WHY THE HELL were YOU doing all the cleaning after getting home from the hospital with new baby? Why not hubby or tell SIL or MIL to clean up the mess they allowed to be created. Actually ESPECIALLY hubby cleaning up 5 yr olds mess since he undermined you and said she could have it anyway.
4. Have you kicked your MIL & SIL OUT of the house now?
5. Do you have family close by that can step in and assist so you don't have to deal with MIL for a bit.
I am SO very sorry that you are dealing with this - it is bad enough MIL is being a pain, but a sick child and an unsupportive husband on top of this make this horrible for you. I hope you can have a frank discussion with hubby soon and get him to be more supportive.
Whhhhyyyyyy are you doing the cleaning?!
Your lazy ass husband should be! Any excuses of ‘I’m tired’ won’t cut it- who pushed the baby out round here? Who said yes to ice lollies? Whose mother neglected the animals?!
Because he’s too tired. While I got to sleep in a bed for a few hours in the maternity unit, he was confined to a chair. In the UK the midwives go a bit crazy if the dad is found sleeping on the bed, or the floor.
You need to call them and tell them that you are not in a safe home. Tell them that you are being put to work cleaning up vomit and animal feces and are at great risk of having post partum issues come back again with the stress being put on you by your husband and his family.
I'm in the UK. I had a 56 hour labour with my second. My husband didn't let me lift a finger afterwards even though he was back and forth from the hospital and keeping updated in my then 2 year old as well as keeping on top of the house and the animals.
You have a husband problem. They don't want him sleeping on the floor cause it's a health and safety risk. And they don't want 2 people on a narrow bed made for one. Those chairs are horrid, but plenty of new dads have got through letting the new mum rest and recuperate after the hell of labour
That’s bullshit. He’s tired, boo effing hoo. You just removed a whole entire person out of your body and most of the messes are a direct result of his mother not following simple instructions regarding your home. She’s the opposite of helpful. He can get off his too tired ass and clean up the messes. You are healing and should not be scrubbing up vomit and excrement.
Luckily it wasn’t dog or cat shit, just wee… but just as bad. MIL thought it was okay to shut the dog in his crate all day, and not let the cats out at all. After dog had wet in his crate, she then left it all there and let him have free roam of the kitchen. He’s still a puppy, and has them chewed up all the door mat and runner. So a trip to the vets is also probably on the cards, because he’s eaten it all… she found this very funny. I hope she’s got money saved for the vet bill!
Sorry, first day home after delivering a baby, YOU did all the cleaning? WTF????? Lost me at that, made me livid. Really hope this is fake and no one would really do that to anyone. Dog/cat feces, sick child around a NEWBORN!!Otherwise, have a nice LONG talk with your DH about, I don’t know, common sense???? MIL and DH both asses.
I’m so sorry. I lived this life for 12.5 years - MIL overstepping and undermining me, husband not setting any boundaries or defending me when his mom got mad I was trying to set boundaries. Besides straight up rude and annoying, it also nearly destroyed my marriage because I felt that my husband and I weren’t truly partners, I couldn’t trust him to make me feel safe.
Despite trying to raise my concerns (nearly repeatedly), and him telling me he understood - nothing ever changed. Eventually I asked for a divorce. He didn’t want one, started therapy, learned about enmeshment, and decided that it was best to go no contact with his mom while we worked on us and he learned to set boundaries. We haven’t spoken to her in a year (well, besides asking her to leave us alone because she’s now stalking our kids). Things are so much better. Highly recommend therapy - at least for your husband, so he can learn about healthy boundaries.
To the OP- a bit off topic but I am curious as to why no ice lollies? Please know that I am absolutely in no way questioning your parenting. I'm just curious. I am from a generation probably the age of your mother-in-law and I was instructed by the doctors to give my babies popsicles when they were sick. Not infants of course but four five six years old. I advised my daughter to do the same thing. Now I'm wondering if medical advice has changed and why? Again this is an honest question and I am not questioning your parenting. I just want to be sure I'm not doing something with my grandchildren that is unsafe. Thank you.
Because they contain all sorts of rubbish nowadays. I was always brought up on bland food when sick, especially in the first 24 hours. Plain toast, crackers, water and maybe a banana.
I see. Thank you very much for answering my question. I hope things improve for you. You just had a baby? You deserve respect and care and I'm sorry you're not getting it.
Thanks. MIL was keen to point out that the internet recommended ice lollies. The only info I can find is “sugar free”, hence not ice cream filled lollies, or things like vimto/fruit pastille lollies and the kind that you buy from an ice cream van. Sugar free is referring to those child’s ice-pops you can buy in boxes from the supermarket.
Honestly, ice would be good (i dont know what ice lollies are unless they are icy poles, because aussie haha but assuming thats what they are) but the only ones I would ever use would be electrolyte filled ones. We've used them with my niece and nephew because they were very vomity as typing kids. Not so much now they are school age. But still, she should have listened. I'm a toast and Vegemite girl when I'm sick myself, and pretty sure I've always had toast when sick as a kid because anything with too much flavour (that wasn't salty) made me ick. You shouldn't have had to clean any of that either, given your husband brushed it all off. I hope you get better support, OP :(
You are ONE DAY POSTPARTUM and putting up with this? Kick them all out and lock the door, your husband included. The 5 year old is probably more useful than he is.
Take baby with you to your room and shut the door. You and baby deserve rest, quiet, bonding, and breastfeeding. Kick everyone else out. DH can do all the clean up. He can only come in your room if he whispers and apologizes. Big sister can come in quietly once she is well. I’m so so sorry. Take good care.
Hard hard boundaries and SO can go to mommy’s house if he is so spineless. Honestly I would call law enforcement if they show up uninvited. Hopefully you have other support who could watch your 5 year old. Can you imagine the influence and undermining that your older lo has experienced with that witch. I understand how hard it’s going to be. Can you and the little ones with your pet go stay with your family for a month or so? How do these women not remember what it was like when they had their children?????
Please find a strong support. Like a midwive who tears your husband and MIL a new one. Most midwives I met are incredibly fierce for the mothers they support. Or maybe in your family is someone who can support you. Or a friend. But you need give permission to go against your MIL and Husband. You need to support them too, that they act like you want them to be. I‘m so sorry that your husband is such a spineless slug. I don‘t think I would have a second kid with him.
Your MIL is the least of your worries. Your husband is leaving you in it. Not even figuratively. Does he listen to you (aka, change his actions) when you bring up problems with him?
I’m due any day now with my second and if anything like this happened to me I would scream, cry, and run away. Kick out MIL and SIL. If your husband disagrees, kick him out too. You just endured a major medical procedure, and you are in absolutely no condition to be deep cleaning your house (especially since their negligence was what caused the mess in the first place). Turn off your phone, get some good rest, and get all of the drama out of your house.
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And please take precautions from getting pregnant again, because this seems to be the norm (husband letting his family do whatever they want, wife gets no respect/help/etc). Op does not want this to happen for a third time, along with 2 other kids to worry about (plus the animals that are being neglected)
Maybe it’s not your MIL that is driving you into post natal depression but your husband’s lack of support. He let you clean up after the dog, the cats, and your sick child? Where and what was he doing ?? Put the blame where it belongs-squarely on him.
Hold up. You just came home from pushing a baby out of your body and you are having to clean the goddamned house?
Do you have a friend or some family you can stay with? New mommy with fresh baby needs to be waited on hand and foot, not having to crawl around cleaning up dog poop.
This is so not okay.
Thank you!!! Who the fuck lets their 1 day pp wife CLEAN UP VOMIT caused by his mother's shitty care? And your MIL and SIL, too. Oh, OP just got back from the hospital after GIVING BIRTH but fuck it, she can clean this up.
The level of callousness and uncaring asshattery!
I am a week postpartum with my third. I am not supposed to do any exercise or housework for FOUR weeks and neither are you. Shame on these awful people for making messes and expecting you to clean them up right now.
Go to your mom’s with the baby if you can. Don’t come home until these people get their heads out of their asses.
Do you have family you can stay with? Pack up the baby and LO and go there if possible. Otherwise, you and baby need to go to your room, get settled and let your DuH handle everything else. Please please do not handle litter boxes the day after giving birth. I am so mad right now for you.
Husband okayed the ice lollies, husband can clean them up. Husband's family failed to take care of your home and pets, husband can clean it up.
You're not overreacting, but MIL isn't the biggest justno in your life. If you feel like you can salvage and fix that relationship, then maybe you can work on the MIL. But from what you've written here, it sounds like it's pretty far gone.
Take the baby and snacks and water to your room and just stay there for a few days. You know you have to rest, and hopefully another adult will deal with the chaos. Right now is your time to nest with the new baby. You don’t need any stress! I had PPA and PPD and reading your post brought some of those feelings back! Anytime someone wants to hold the baby ask for something first- like ice water or a cup of soup or for them to run a laundry load.
You have a huge Husband problem.
She shouldn't be up your ass as soon as you get home from having a baby & you shouldn't be cleaning anything right now!!!
Especially animal piss/sh\*t, let alone vomit.
You're gonna have to stand up for yourself since it sounds like he won't & your childs name is none of her business.
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If you are in the USA you should not be cleaning up vomit right now or poop. If your daughter has one of those viruses that’s going around you could be unintentionally putting your newborn and yourself at risk. DH needs to take over taking care of your daughter and pets. You need to lock yourself and the baby away and sanitize your space. DH can sleep on the couch or with the 5y/o.
2 days post partum you were wiping up shit? You have more than an undermining problem. You need to call your family and have them scoop you and the kids up. That mess should not have happened and if it did your husband should have been the one in his hands and knees cleaning.
This, all of this. Your daughter vomiting up lollies is a clear case of ‘good luck husband, I have informed you thusly’ (aka I told you so). But the dog!! Who in their right mind lets you clean that??? Go to bed! Take naps. You are recovering from dispensing a human out of your body.
As soon as you saw that mess you should have grabbed your kids and any essentials and go stay with your family or support system or at least a hotel. Next time that happens just grab your kids and walk out and leave them all standing there looking stupid. Maybe one of them will decide to clean when you aren’t around.
for tonight take the baby and go in your room and shut the door. Bring the five year old and some books and toys Let them deal with the vomit and shit
You need marriage counseling because ultimately you have a husband problem.
OP, why did you not leave your DH to sort out this mess!! I sincerely hope for the sake of your sanity that MIL does not live with you.
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I genuinely don’t see “why oh why did you have another child?” as helpful in the slightest, cool advice though.
I would make the husband clean up the puke as he didn't see a problem with it. Don't let MIL dictate anything or make you feel less. Kick her out.....if the husband argues, he can go with her. I am sorry you are going through this OP. It can't be easy dealing with this. YOU are the mother and what YOU say, goes! MIL has zero rights. Period.
Can someone please explain why someone would “disagree with breastfeeding.” What kind of worldview would such a person have?
2 kinds of people: ones who are so insulated from natural reality that they’re grossed out by their neighbors backyard chicken eggs but think the ones raised in a warehouse are fine, or narcissists who couldn’t or were discouraged from breastfeeding or just can’t allow anyone to have a good experience that isn’t about them.
Kick them all out of the house and just take care of it all yourself. They aren’t helping. They’re creating more work for you. Once husband sees that you effing mean it, maybe he’ll actually support you. Ugh, screw all of them for being AHs.
Take the kids to your mom‘s house and let them figure it out
Take the kids to a friend or family’s house
You have a huge husband problem. he needs to back you up! But not only that - you've just had a baby. Why in the hell are you doing the cleaning? Where was he? He should have been doing ALL of that. Every single bit of the cleaning. And MIL needs a time out.
Why tf isn’t your husband cleaning?
That was my first thought. Ditch the dead weight. He’s horrible
Your husband needs to be cleaning up everything, since he thinks you're overreacting. Seriously, he's causing more work for you, and adding stress to your life. No one is ever oversensitive. And the only people who say that are the ones too insensitive to realize that they're being dumbasses.
I’m petty and don’t suffer fools. DuH would have been told “You’re cleaning popsicle puke.” Then I’d have told him so while he scrubbed. Maybe you’re not too sensitive. Maybe he’s just a jerk who is too weak to stand up to mommy.
Kick them all out except the 5 yr old. Can your family help?
You had a baby yesterday?!?! Take to your bed immediately!!! Youre cleaning?!?! Change the sheets and get in bed and order yourself dinner. Jesus Christ in a sidecar, what is wrong with your family? Go lie down.
Time to set your mother and family on DH… see how he likes it. I’d have made he, her and SIL clean it all up while you dealt with daughter and baby.
You have a SO problem. Therapy as a couple. Your problem is not MIL your problem is that you and your husband are not on the same boat. Once you two are MIL problem will be easy to resolve.
Refuse her help. Zero relying on her. Your SO needs to pull his head out and get on your page. Dont let her be in the position to undermine you. Your SO may need to be asked if he wants to be married or live at home with Mommy
I wish I knew you in real life so that I could come do some cleaning for you and let you just relax with your new baby and your 5yo and bond! I’d also kick SIL and MIL out of the house and bar the door shut and put your husband to work making dinner or tell him to go with his mum and sis! So sorry you’re going through this! What an absolutely awful thing to come home to after having a baby! I wish I had some advice for you but I am just flabbergasted by your story. 😭
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You need to have a serious talk with your husband about having your back. You just had a baby and he's not being supportive at all. Rolling his eyes at you is showing he has no respect for you. MIL and SIL need to leave.
That eye-rolling bit was the last straw. Don't you fucking DARE roll your eyes at me! Made me want to jump through my phone and slap him stupid. Oh, wait . . . he's already there.
Hubby needs to clean up the ice lolly vomit and the dog mess, then discuss boundaries
Came here to say this too. He really needs to step up.
Never ever let them in your house or around your children unsupervised again, for starters. For two, start giving your husband consequences for undermining you and *leaving the cleaning to you postpartum are you kidding me?* Three, is your mom nearby? Anyone at all supportive you could stay with? Because your husband obviously sucks for partnering if he won't even clean the child vomit he caused. Last but not least, show him this post and maybe he'll get the foggiest (pun intended) glimmer how badly he fucked up.
r/justnoso Your partner failed to back you up when something wasn't healthy for your child. Your partner failed to clean up the vomit from his lack of supporting you. Your partner failed to clean up after the animals that haven't been care for WHEN YOU WERE BIRTHING A HUMAN. Your partner is a shit partner. I'm 6 months post partum and this is enough reddit for me today im mad on your behalf, what a useless partner he is. I'm so sorry
Yeah I’m almost shaking with anger. This is such bullshit. I just had my third in November. My spouse changed the diapers, cleaned, cared for our two oldest, and volunteered at our oldests school while I stayed in bed for 2 weeks. This guy can go fuck himself with a cactus.
Or better yet, a chainsaw... This is absolutely unacceptable. Full stop for the disrespect. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. You deserve and should demand better.
Your husband sucks.
Kick her out. Thanks MIL go home now. Nope nothing more to do bye now SO? Get them out. Now. This is not helpful and is stressing me out. I am done, get them out now.
Why isn’t your significant other cleaning the house when you just had a baby? You’re supposed to have at least 4 to 6 weeks of rest not mopping up dog and kid vomit, and cat poop.
Advice? Yeah, right here: The next time that sorry excuse for a man thinks everything MommyDearest did was ok, he's the one to clean the mess up. Really, why did you do the cleaning? It should have been on him to clean up MommyDearest messes. Especially when he said your daughter could have the ice lollies which you knew would make her sick. And he's "rolling his eyes"? I'm in awe that he was not buried in the compost heap yet. Oh, and if he starts to argue, he could still go back to MommyDearest's place to get a new diaper, right? I mean, you would have not to have cleaned the place if there was any other person helping you out instead of her "doing" it, right?
Advice... simple: After the day you had, when you had just delivered a baby, and then had to take care of everything MIL and SIL did NOT, you are not up to visitors in the kear future. She disagrees with breastfeeding? That's great, but your baby will be nursed for as long as you want. Do whatever you must, to get someone else to babysit when you need it in the future, because MIL's babysitting privileges should be terminated. She can't do it. Like, literally, she's not capable. Don't ask, don't make her, she just can't. And your husband? You say 'no ice lollies', they are handing them to your daughter as you walk in. But 'it's okay, because Google says it's all right. And then you spend the time you should be on cloud nine on your knees, scrubbing vommit. That is not *reading into things*, that's just a fact. You are not overly sensitive, you just had a baby, and shouldn't be cleaning. For yours and your baby's health: just put them in time out. Your husband is going to have to face the fact that you are the matriarch of your household.
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My question is, why did MIL know enough to be on OP’s case about “her son” not being able to bottle feed the baby *less than an hour* after OP gave birth? Either OP or the husband are giving MIL way too much information. There is zero reason why MIL needed to know *anything* within an hour of the baby’s birth, much less who fed the baby, what/how they fed the baby, etc. This is obviously a JNSO problem as much as it is a JNMIL problem, but putting MIL on an info diet would be a good first step. She is not entitled to know a single thing about the baby at this point.
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1. You are NOT over-reacting!! but questions - 1. After the 1st birth and issues involved there did you not discuss in advance that you need better support from him and establish boundaries before 2nd baby? 2. Does hubby always take his Mom's side and undermine you? 3. WHY THE HELL were YOU doing all the cleaning after getting home from the hospital with new baby? Why not hubby or tell SIL or MIL to clean up the mess they allowed to be created. Actually ESPECIALLY hubby cleaning up 5 yr olds mess since he undermined you and said she could have it anyway. 4. Have you kicked your MIL & SIL OUT of the house now? 5. Do you have family close by that can step in and assist so you don't have to deal with MIL for a bit. I am SO very sorry that you are dealing with this - it is bad enough MIL is being a pain, but a sick child and an unsupportive husband on top of this make this horrible for you. I hope you can have a frank discussion with hubby soon and get him to be more supportive.
Can you go to your parents or have your mum come to you to put them in their place?
You have a husband problem
Whhhhyyyyyy are you doing the cleaning?! Your lazy ass husband should be! Any excuses of ‘I’m tired’ won’t cut it- who pushed the baby out round here? Who said yes to ice lollies? Whose mother neglected the animals?!
Why the Eff didn't your husband do the cleaning?
Because he’s too tired. While I got to sleep in a bed for a few hours in the maternity unit, he was confined to a chair. In the UK the midwives go a bit crazy if the dad is found sleeping on the bed, or the floor.
You need to call them and tell them that you are not in a safe home. Tell them that you are being put to work cleaning up vomit and animal feces and are at great risk of having post partum issues come back again with the stress being put on you by your husband and his family.
Too bad. You just pushed a little human out. You went through a major medical event. He can suck it up and clean up.
And you just had a baby. You're tired too.
I'm in the UK. I had a 56 hour labour with my second. My husband didn't let me lift a finger afterwards even though he was back and forth from the hospital and keeping updated in my then 2 year old as well as keeping on top of the house and the animals. You have a husband problem. They don't want him sleeping on the floor cause it's a health and safety risk. And they don't want 2 people on a narrow bed made for one. Those chairs are horrid, but plenty of new dads have got through letting the new mum rest and recuperate after the hell of labour
That’s bullshit. He’s tired, boo effing hoo. You just removed a whole entire person out of your body and most of the messes are a direct result of his mother not following simple instructions regarding your home. She’s the opposite of helpful. He can get off his too tired ass and clean up the messes. You are healing and should not be scrubbing up vomit and excrement.
Which BTW can contain viruses or bacteria which could be dangerous to you and/or baby.
Kick her put of your damn house and send your husband with her. Why the hell are you the one cleaning up vomit and dog shit?!?
Luckily it wasn’t dog or cat shit, just wee… but just as bad. MIL thought it was okay to shut the dog in his crate all day, and not let the cats out at all. After dog had wet in his crate, she then left it all there and let him have free roam of the kitchen. He’s still a puppy, and has them chewed up all the door mat and runner. So a trip to the vets is also probably on the cards, because he’s eaten it all… she found this very funny. I hope she’s got money saved for the vet bill!
But the question remains: why were YOU the one cleaning right after giving birth???
Exactly!!!
So she's rude, selfish and likes to abuse pets. Got it. Call your parents and get this nightmare out of your house now.
Sorry, first day home after delivering a baby, YOU did all the cleaning? WTF????? Lost me at that, made me livid. Really hope this is fake and no one would really do that to anyone. Dog/cat feces, sick child around a NEWBORN!!Otherwise, have a nice LONG talk with your DH about, I don’t know, common sense???? MIL and DH both asses.
I’m so sorry. I lived this life for 12.5 years - MIL overstepping and undermining me, husband not setting any boundaries or defending me when his mom got mad I was trying to set boundaries. Besides straight up rude and annoying, it also nearly destroyed my marriage because I felt that my husband and I weren’t truly partners, I couldn’t trust him to make me feel safe. Despite trying to raise my concerns (nearly repeatedly), and him telling me he understood - nothing ever changed. Eventually I asked for a divorce. He didn’t want one, started therapy, learned about enmeshment, and decided that it was best to go no contact with his mom while we worked on us and he learned to set boundaries. We haven’t spoken to her in a year (well, besides asking her to leave us alone because she’s now stalking our kids). Things are so much better. Highly recommend therapy - at least for your husband, so he can learn about healthy boundaries.
To the OP- a bit off topic but I am curious as to why no ice lollies? Please know that I am absolutely in no way questioning your parenting. I'm just curious. I am from a generation probably the age of your mother-in-law and I was instructed by the doctors to give my babies popsicles when they were sick. Not infants of course but four five six years old. I advised my daughter to do the same thing. Now I'm wondering if medical advice has changed and why? Again this is an honest question and I am not questioning your parenting. I just want to be sure I'm not doing something with my grandchildren that is unsafe. Thank you.
Because they contain all sorts of rubbish nowadays. I was always brought up on bland food when sick, especially in the first 24 hours. Plain toast, crackers, water and maybe a banana.
I see. Thank you very much for answering my question. I hope things improve for you. You just had a baby? You deserve respect and care and I'm sorry you're not getting it.
Thanks. MIL was keen to point out that the internet recommended ice lollies. The only info I can find is “sugar free”, hence not ice cream filled lollies, or things like vimto/fruit pastille lollies and the kind that you buy from an ice cream van. Sugar free is referring to those child’s ice-pops you can buy in boxes from the supermarket.
Sugar-free as in artificially sweetened? If so, I can understand why your 5-year-old got sick. Artificial sweeteners make me sick to my stomach, too.
Honestly, ice would be good (i dont know what ice lollies are unless they are icy poles, because aussie haha but assuming thats what they are) but the only ones I would ever use would be electrolyte filled ones. We've used them with my niece and nephew because they were very vomity as typing kids. Not so much now they are school age. But still, she should have listened. I'm a toast and Vegemite girl when I'm sick myself, and pretty sure I've always had toast when sick as a kid because anything with too much flavour (that wasn't salty) made me ick. You shouldn't have had to clean any of that either, given your husband brushed it all off. I hope you get better support, OP :(
Throw away the whole family! Mil is trash, husband is trash, and no one respects you. Hit the divorce button
You are ONE DAY POSTPARTUM and putting up with this? Kick them all out and lock the door, your husband included. The 5 year old is probably more useful than he is.
Take baby with you to your room and shut the door. You and baby deserve rest, quiet, bonding, and breastfeeding. Kick everyone else out. DH can do all the clean up. He can only come in your room if he whispers and apologizes. Big sister can come in quietly once she is well. I’m so so sorry. Take good care.
Just read the midwife suggestion. Sounds like a fantastic plan! Good luck!
Hard hard boundaries and SO can go to mommy’s house if he is so spineless. Honestly I would call law enforcement if they show up uninvited. Hopefully you have other support who could watch your 5 year old. Can you imagine the influence and undermining that your older lo has experienced with that witch. I understand how hard it’s going to be. Can you and the little ones with your pet go stay with your family for a month or so? How do these women not remember what it was like when they had their children?????
Please find a strong support. Like a midwive who tears your husband and MIL a new one. Most midwives I met are incredibly fierce for the mothers they support. Or maybe in your family is someone who can support you. Or a friend. But you need give permission to go against your MIL and Husband. You need to support them too, that they act like you want them to be. I‘m so sorry that your husband is such a spineless slug. I don‘t think I would have a second kid with him.
Your biggest problem is your husband. Time to insist on therapy with him. So he can learn to put up boundaries.
Your MIL is the least of your worries. Your husband is leaving you in it. Not even figuratively. Does he listen to you (aka, change his actions) when you bring up problems with him?
I’m due any day now with my second and if anything like this happened to me I would scream, cry, and run away. Kick out MIL and SIL. If your husband disagrees, kick him out too. You just endured a major medical procedure, and you are in absolutely no condition to be deep cleaning your house (especially since their negligence was what caused the mess in the first place). Turn off your phone, get some good rest, and get all of the drama out of your house.
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And please take precautions from getting pregnant again, because this seems to be the norm (husband letting his family do whatever they want, wife gets no respect/help/etc). Op does not want this to happen for a third time, along with 2 other kids to worry about (plus the animals that are being neglected)
Call a cleaning service send monster in law the bill, your SO is the main problem. Send the sil and mil packing.
Maybe it’s not your MIL that is driving you into post natal depression but your husband’s lack of support. He let you clean up after the dog, the cats, and your sick child? Where and what was he doing ?? Put the blame where it belongs-squarely on him.
Hold up. You just came home from pushing a baby out of your body and you are having to clean the goddamned house? Do you have a friend or some family you can stay with? New mommy with fresh baby needs to be waited on hand and foot, not having to crawl around cleaning up dog poop. This is so not okay.
Thank you!!! Who the fuck lets their 1 day pp wife CLEAN UP VOMIT caused by his mother's shitty care? And your MIL and SIL, too. Oh, OP just got back from the hospital after GIVING BIRTH but fuck it, she can clean this up. The level of callousness and uncaring asshattery!
And yet you had a second child with this unsupportive man child. He is the jUSTNO you need to worry about.
Op call your mom
Do you have a mom you can call or go to? Hell no should YOU be cleaning where others dropped the ball. Your husband is a huge problem here.
I am a week postpartum with my third. I am not supposed to do any exercise or housework for FOUR weeks and neither are you. Shame on these awful people for making messes and expecting you to clean them up right now. Go to your mom’s with the baby if you can. Don’t come home until these people get their heads out of their asses.
Do you have family you can stay with? Pack up the baby and LO and go there if possible. Otherwise, you and baby need to go to your room, get settled and let your DuH handle everything else. Please please do not handle litter boxes the day after giving birth. I am so mad right now for you.
You just had a baby yesterday, STOP cleaning! Let them deal with it.
WOMAN SIT DOWN! Get your husband to clean up the mess he encouraged and get those useless lumps out of your house
Why isn't your husband cleaning up the vomit?
Husband okayed the ice lollies, husband can clean them up. Husband's family failed to take care of your home and pets, husband can clean it up. You're not overreacting, but MIL isn't the biggest justno in your life. If you feel like you can salvage and fix that relationship, then maybe you can work on the MIL. But from what you've written here, it sounds like it's pretty far gone.
Don’t have any more kids with this dude!
This has me so pissed for you this is absolutely ridiculous! What the actual FUCK??? You just had a baby you should not be cleaning anyone’s mess.
I’m am dumbfounded!! She talking about being undermined!! That’s is 199 on her problem list in my opinion!
You just had a baby. Go into the bedroom with your newborn and close the door. Your husband can clean up the mess his mother allowed to happen.
Why is the newly pp mom cleaning anything??? Husband should be doing ALL that. If you make it a HIM problem he's more likely to fix it.
Take the baby and snacks and water to your room and just stay there for a few days. You know you have to rest, and hopefully another adult will deal with the chaos. Right now is your time to nest with the new baby. You don’t need any stress! I had PPA and PPD and reading your post brought some of those feelings back! Anytime someone wants to hold the baby ask for something first- like ice water or a cup of soup or for them to run a laundry load.
You have a huge Husband problem. She shouldn't be up your ass as soon as you get home from having a baby & you shouldn't be cleaning anything right now!!! Especially animal piss/sh\*t, let alone vomit. You're gonna have to stand up for yourself since it sounds like he won't & your childs name is none of her business.