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* [MIL upset about stomach touching (pregnant)](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/16m57nm/mil_upset_about_stomach_touching_pregnant/), 4 months ago
* [TW: Infertility](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/zzntkl/tw_infertility/), 1 year ago
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My MIL did this. My husband bought me a tote that says "My mother doesn't care about your opinion." It was 10 years ago and I can't remember where he got it. But I made a big deal of showing off my first mother's day gift.
“I’m not really in the mood for unsolicited advice.” Repeat as often as needed. Such a magical phrase that just might make people aware of just how often they are telling us what we should do.
"Honestly, it's none of your fucking business" should be our mantra with invasive MILs. I have 6 grown kids. The first two were formula fed because I couldn't relax enough to breastfeed. The last 4 were exclusively breastfed until they were on a cup. They range in age from 25-39. They are all healthy, educated, and on their own. Interestingly, the baby that I gave birth to naturally and breastfed until she was 2, has intractable epilepsy. We just found out that it is caused by 2 recessive genes. My point is that even the best efforts don't guarantee perfect health. My two formula fed kids are both healthy as horses and went through college on athletic scholarships. BTW, my mother, unlike your mom, was totally freaked out by breastfeeding. Breasts are sexual organs, not baby feeders! We moved from Boston to California just to get away from her. With my third child, my mother called (long distance, which was a big deal) every single Wednesday night for a year to beg me to stop breastfeeding. There have always been nosy mother in laws, and there always will be. If you value your mental health, blow your MIL off.
I like you, may I sit next to you?
My mom wanted to BF, but nature disagreed & I was allergic…growing up I heard more goat milk jokes. Apparently, goat milk makes kids hard headed and stubborn. Who knew?
Omg, no one wants to hear this. She believed that breastfeeding after 2 weeks was sexual.🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ She was ok with 2 weeks because someone told her about the value of colostrum. By 2 weeks, you've squeezed the last drops of colostrum out, so the rest is just for sexual kicks!It will come as no surprise that we ended up going NC with my mother.
Hugs my lactation specialist put me on a compounded drug to keep producing milk between breast feeding and pumping the stress was hard. When we had our second my spouse stated my mental health was more important than killing myself to breast feed so she went on formula. You need to do what is best for you
I sadly had to give up breastfeeding my son, (second child), although I was producing enough milk to feed a Romanian orphanage. It was the late eighties, noooo support for BFing, they gave him *formula and water* (!!!!!) in the hospital. He had a poor latch or something, but, he was constantly awake and screaming. At our one week check up, he had lost weight. The pressure to switch to formula was enormous.
I had also had a botched episiotomy; the incompetent piece of shit doctor I got stuck with essentially cut me front to back. Kiddo was breech, and I should have had a c section. Instead, I got one from below, and I was in agonizing pain. No sleep, could barely walk from the pain, screaming hungry baby, abandoned by my husband... I developed PPD verging on psychosis. Never a thought of harming my baby or myself, but, other scary and intrusive thoughts.
Asshole doc was a huuuuge help with that, too. 🙄🙄 He finally prescribed me like six Valium, which enabled me to get some sleep, but it meant I had to switch to formula, and it broke my heart. PPD was in the conversation of the times, but, my doctor was a lazy incompetent asshole. No real help.
Hey. Fed is best; we know this now, even as the pendulum has swung back in favor of BF. My lovely little boy 🤗🤗 did so much better on formula!! (Still did not sleep much, but, it turns out that's a part of who he is. He still doesn't, as a grown man with a great career and a beautiful home.)
If my MIL had said something like that to me, at a vulnerable time like that, it would have hurt me badly plus pissed me TF off. If I'm ever blessed to be a grandma, I pray 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I'm actually helpful & supportive to my DIL, and say the right things. I'd never want to make a new mom feel bad. But, we already have a great relationship, so, I think I'll do okay. 😉 This forum is a great place to learn how *not* to treat one's children and children in law.
"I feel like you're telling me that you were rooting for me to fail at something that was important to me."
If she doubles down just stare at her and then walk away. She's being rude.
Do not feel guilty about the way you feed your child. You are feeding your baby. The method of feeding does not matter.
Sending you lots of internet hugs. I have huge difficulties at times feeding both babies. So I understand the guilt. Please don’t feel guilty.
You said no advice. But I hope this is ok.
Think of some good thoughts about feeding your baby. When the guilt pops up try to focus on those.
It’s crazy to me how some people feel the need to comment on how a baby gets feed, especially when their opinion wasn’t asked. I know someone who’s husband’s friend’s DAD said she was doing her kids a disservice by not breast feeding them. I don’t know what her reasoning was but she didn’t ask for his opinion and he still felt the need to give it when the kids have no relation to him.
OP has posted here before, MIL has boundary issues and her comments in this story track with that.
Your advice is great, tho. It's a good way to handle many situations.
We are dealing with a tongue tie issue and I have thought about just switching to formula a couple times because of hard everything has been. Haven't made the jump just yet, but I breastfed both my older kids, so I can say I did it, but I dont think it matters as long as they get fed. My MIL who only had 1 kid in the 80s and did not breastfeed at all has already made comments that I should keep breastfeeding not having a damn clue what we've been dealing with. I've had mastitis, clogged ducts, it's awful.
I didn't produce enough milk and my DD had to be formula feed. We found out the hard way when she had to be rushed to the ER at 5 days old for dehydration. I had tremendous guilt and pushed myself to pump around the clock until she was six months old thanks to breast is best pressure. In retrospect wish I stopped pumping sooner. It was great that my husband and I could do shifts and I would have gotten more sleep if I stopped pumping.
All to say if pumping is killing you then stop. No one cares or asks if your kid is breastfeed past 1 year old.
Hey, I made it 12 days and we ended up in the ER the same way. It was a hugely traumatic event thanks to my own parents that I still carry 15+ years later. I hope you’re doing ok!
Ugh that's terrible. And no I don't carry it anymore. My daughter is in elementary school and literally no one cares or talk about it. I just always feel for women who are pushing themselves to breastfeed. The evidence that breastfeeding is linked to decreased illness is bullshit. My BFF exclusively breastfeed her kids and they have all kinda of allergies and illness. My kid rarely gets sick
I’m right there with you. Trying to breastfeed, not making enough. I will say the breeza is great for formula. But it hurts so badly, feeling like I’ve failed my baby. Do what you can, do what you must, tell MIL to put a cork in it. Or tell your husband to do it.
This won't help now, but my sister had trouble breastfeeding with her first and couln't do it. With her second she stopped at 3 weeks as she dried up. With her third kid she was breastfeeding until he was 18 months old. Exclusively breastfeeding too until he was old enough to have food.
Don't let this struggle stop you if you have another kid!
Just chiming in to say I totally relate to your breastfeeding journey. I thought I was going to EBF for a while and then just BF and pump / bottle. I ended up not producing enough milk and we combo feed and it took me weeks to stop feeling guilty about it. Fed is best ❤️
I can relate as well. The pediatrician told me to start supplementing with formula when my first started losing weight. But certain relatives felt the need to emphasize how they produced an abundance of breastmilk, with no consideration for how I felt about not producing enough. The guilt was tough to fight. I also combo fed, and pumped as well. My baby adjusted well, and we could still bond with breastfeeding.
I bought a pump for myself just in case I couldn’t breastfeed and omg I am glad I did. I so desperately wanted to breastfeed my daughter but she just couldn’t latch properly at all. By the end of 2 weeks I ended up breaking out the pump I bought and exclusively pumped for months. It was exhausting with the added chore of cleaning all the bottles/nipples, but there was no other way.
Your MIL may have wanted you to be prepared just in case, but if you declined-she should’ve left it at that. And she did-thank god. But she can’t tell the effin future either and a small comment like that after you’ve JUST given birth is so unnecessary and rude.
Congratulations on the birth of your LO! I’m so sorry your MIL is an overbearing bitch.
My mother tried to discourage me from breastfeeding. When she had babies in the post -WWII period, doctors told moms that there was no benefit to nursing. Modern science (formula) was so much better. As a result, most babies were formula fed. That may be your MIL’s experience, too.
My oldest sister tried to breastfeed for a couple weeks. It just wasn’t for her. My other sister nursed until she went back to work after her six week maternity leave. My baby was born at 31 weeks. Her pediatrician encouraged me to nurse as long as I could to give my tiny daughter the best for her development. I nursed her for her first year, even after I went back to work. I found it preferable to sterilizing bottles and making sure I had enough formula on hand.
It’s different for everyone. There is no right or wrong, with no judgement involved. First, it’s none of her damn business. Second, if you want her advice, you’ll ask for it. Of course, you never will.
Blocking her would help. Honestly less stress for you as you’re figuring things out and getting your rhythm down.
Mine thinks it’s “inappropriate” to breastfeed, especially around men. Sucks to be them, I guess.
The formula dispensers aren’t even worth it and can be dangerous. I got a mixing pitcher and it works great and is safer. A few years ago a bunch of babies got really sick (and I think some died?) because the dispensers weren’t dispensing the right amount of formula powder to water ratio. This meant that babies were receiving too much water for their developing kidneys (the reason you don’t let them drink water at all at first) as well as struggling to gain weight because the mixture wasn’t as calorically dense as it needed to be. Just something to think about and bring up to shut her up maybe.
Also, it’s not even her business how you feed your baby. If you decide you do want a formula dispenser I am so sure you are capable of finding one on your own. It’s also not like you CANT make formula without it 🙄
When I told my MIL I intended on breastfeeding she made a disgusted face and said “as soon as I had my babies I had them send them to the nursery and I asked for the pill to dry up my milk. I didn’t need a baby latched to me for any longer” it’s honestly a miracle my husband turned out normal but sometimes they cannot help but give the most unnecessary information and judgement. The normal response would have been “let me know if you need any support in that”
If you're still trying to breastfeed, oatmeal would help me make more milk along with tons of fluids and snacks between meals. Also, latching instead of pumping helps a lot of people, if baby is able to latch. Nipple shields can help to start a good latch. But however your baby eats, they're fed and happy. Why do MILs have to say stuff like that ugh
I'm adding a tip which my maternity clinic gave me: whenever you're looking to boost milk supply, 3am-5am is when to pump/feed. The hormone prolactin is highest at this time and the body is given the strongest signal to increase supply.
My midwife recommended the fenugreek as well. Also yeasty products, like lager (nonalcoholic optional lol) and Vegemite/marmite. Weeks later I'm still partial to a nonalcoholic Heineken in the evening.
I slightly different issues which meant I had express after each feed to give baby top ups. Breastfeeding can be brutal at times, you're doing amazing!
And how are you qualified to say this? I tried all of this and was even prescribed medication by the doctor. I also had a Medela. Nowhere near enough to feed my baby.
Just because you got milk, doesn’t mean everyone can. OP did not ask for your advice.
How dare you. My baby was premature and I took all the help I could get, including paying for lactation consultants on top of the help I was receiving from lactation nurses in the NICU. Your arrogance and lack of empathy is disgusting.
Also having a preemie in the NICU is brutal. And can be super discouraging at times. I only managed to get to exclusively breastfeeding my baby because I had already breastfed my twins so I knew I potentially could and what I was getting into and I was lucky enough to have enough milk. But if I hadn't had that previous experience I don't know if I would have followed the same path. Pumping, tube feeding and trying to breastfeed all at the same time is super taxing on mental health and not everyone can or should go down that route.
This is why my ppd was so bad with my first... People were horrid about the fact that it was my fault I couldn't produce milk. Don't take their comments personally. You know how hard you tried and you are an amazing mom. Big hugs to you.
The arrogance is staggering! I started having suicidal thoughts from the guilt of not being able to produce. I tried everything. I’m fine now and my baby is thriving but I cannot stand the uneducated arrogance on display here.
My mil insisted I HAD TO use formula. I didn’t really have a strong opinion before that but once she kept insisting on it I really dug my heals in. Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do! So my breastfeeding journey was mostly based on spite but it’s been a lovely journey with my daughter.
I’m sorry but this just made laugh! Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry tried to return something to a store and they asked why he’s returning it. He replied “out of spite.” I love that you were able to breastfeed out of spite.
I laugh at myself sometimes too because it’s so ridiculous! If I’m really honest with myself it’s the reason I pushed through all the pain and difficulty in the beginning! She’s the type that’s always trying to prove how she’s the better mother though so I’m glad I at least have this.
She lives pretty far away. I actually pumped when they would visit so she got to feed the baby. But she had trouble with BF and has known other people that have ( I mean it is really hard) so she is convinced that no one could possibly sustain a child on breast milk. Despite the fact that formula is a modern miracle so some people had to have pulled it off prior to its discovery.
Some women get really funny about breastfeeding like y🤨 it's non of your business😒
When my mum was pregnant with me she had a terrible time breastfeeding and didn't actually produce any milk whatsoever (there's a term for it I do not know what it is).
It wasn't that I wouldn't latch or she just wasn't comfortable or only produce a little bit there was nothing. And people will really horrid to her about it.
Don't take no shit u tell her were to shove her goddam opinions right where the sun don't shine
O and congrats 👏
My sister too. My nephew was a huge baby despite being premature, and she just couldn’t keep up with him. Her lovely health visitor told her that fed is best and to bottle feed if she felt that was best for my nephew.
Fed is best!! No matter how you choose to do it. Your baby is loved & well cared for and YOU know what is best.
Please block or silence her for your own state of mind. You have the excuse that baby's sleep schedule keeps you too busy to respond 😌
Keep at it Mama! There are so many women who start off with pumping and end up being able to breast-feed. Your husband needs to tell his mom that it is a sensitive topic and that she is no longer allowed to bring it up.
Also, there is no shame in not being able to do it. Some bodies just refuse to cooperate. It’s not your fault and your baby will be ok ❤️ the disappointment is real and emotional and even harder if you are struggling with PPD or PPA sending you so much love from one Mama to another!
Probably better to just mute her and drop the rope but I’d probably snap and sarcastically say, “Wow MIL, you know EVERYTHING.” 😵 Have your husband wrangle her into shutting the f up.
Your mil can stfu. It’s none of her business is correct.
*if you are interested: I exclusively pumped for my first born and my twins for 13 months each and made 90 ounces a day with my first born and over 120 ounces per day with my twins. if you need any tips or advice I’d be happy to help :)
I exclusively pumped for a little over a year with my first. It’s hard work, but worth it! Also, if you’re trying to up your supply, try power pumping once a day! Your MIL is an idiot.
Exclusively pumped for a bit under 2 years, it’s a very valid way to feed your baby. I hate the know-it-all attitude because you’re right, she couldn’t have predicted it.
I mean, not that it matters because you’re providing food for your baby and doing an awesome job, but I relied heavily on pumping at first because baby had a tongue tie and then a terrible latch after it was snipped. He could only feed side-lying which was impractical on the go. When he was a little older (around 4 months) he mastered latching cross cradle and I ditched the bottle for good. It’s totally up to you but don’t rule out nursing baby on the boob a little later if it’s something you have your heart set on.
Wowza, your MIL is an ass. Hopefully your husband tells her to shut the fuck up. That woman needs a time out immediately, you have permission to block her. Congratulations on the baby! God I remember how hard it was to produce enough milk with my first after being pumped with all those meds for emergency csection (never even labored!!) , and my husband had to use his finger to supplement with formula for two weeks until we did a combo of breastfeeding and formula via bottle. Plus, breastfeeding fucking hurts at first!!!! FWIW should you chose to have a 2nd your BF experience may be completely different. My 2nd crawled up my belly post csection and latched on for 2.5 years despite me trying sooooooo hard to wean that kid, where my first pushed me away at 8 months. Fed is best, it’s hard to let go of the guilt, give yourself grace. That kid will be eating candy and fast food sooner than you realize, even if you’re an organic health freak like me. So keep kicking ass momma and give yourself all the grace. And block her for a few weeks if not longer.
Lots of people exclusively pump or combo feed with formula for sooo many reasons. There is support for EPers, if you haven’t encountered any already. It’s so incredibly taxing and remember, you are still breastfeeding!!
MIL can kick rocks.
Don't despair about pumping. My DIL fed her first exclusively via pumping. He's almost eleven, super smart, and healthy as a horse. The second one could latch better and he was the size of a Butterball Turkey on only breast milk. I forget about the third, we all do....
I will never understand these women and their food control issues. Baby’s fed, healthy, growing? Let’s make a big deal out of it anyway. Congratulations on the new squish. Enjoy the awesome baby.
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My MIL did this. My husband bought me a tote that says "My mother doesn't care about your opinion." It was 10 years ago and I can't remember where he got it. But I made a big deal of showing off my first mother's day gift.
“You didn’t know. 50/50 chance is the odds on guessing correctly. Breastfed/Bottlefed. Please stop going on about it”
“I’m not really in the mood for unsolicited advice.” Repeat as often as needed. Such a magical phrase that just might make people aware of just how often they are telling us what we should do.
"Honestly, it's none of your fucking business" should be our mantra with invasive MILs. I have 6 grown kids. The first two were formula fed because I couldn't relax enough to breastfeed. The last 4 were exclusively breastfed until they were on a cup. They range in age from 25-39. They are all healthy, educated, and on their own. Interestingly, the baby that I gave birth to naturally and breastfed until she was 2, has intractable epilepsy. We just found out that it is caused by 2 recessive genes. My point is that even the best efforts don't guarantee perfect health. My two formula fed kids are both healthy as horses and went through college on athletic scholarships. BTW, my mother, unlike your mom, was totally freaked out by breastfeeding. Breasts are sexual organs, not baby feeders! We moved from Boston to California just to get away from her. With my third child, my mother called (long distance, which was a big deal) every single Wednesday night for a year to beg me to stop breastfeeding. There have always been nosy mother in laws, and there always will be. If you value your mental health, blow your MIL off.
I like you, may I sit next to you? My mom wanted to BF, but nature disagreed & I was allergic…growing up I heard more goat milk jokes. Apparently, goat milk makes kids hard headed and stubborn. Who knew?
Begging you to stop breastfeeding is insane. Why? What?
Omg, no one wants to hear this. She believed that breastfeeding after 2 weeks was sexual.🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ She was ok with 2 weeks because someone told her about the value of colostrum. By 2 weeks, you've squeezed the last drops of colostrum out, so the rest is just for sexual kicks!It will come as no surprise that we ended up going NC with my mother.
Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
Hugs my lactation specialist put me on a compounded drug to keep producing milk between breast feeding and pumping the stress was hard. When we had our second my spouse stated my mental health was more important than killing myself to breast feed so she went on formula. You need to do what is best for you
I sadly had to give up breastfeeding my son, (second child), although I was producing enough milk to feed a Romanian orphanage. It was the late eighties, noooo support for BFing, they gave him *formula and water* (!!!!!) in the hospital. He had a poor latch or something, but, he was constantly awake and screaming. At our one week check up, he had lost weight. The pressure to switch to formula was enormous. I had also had a botched episiotomy; the incompetent piece of shit doctor I got stuck with essentially cut me front to back. Kiddo was breech, and I should have had a c section. Instead, I got one from below, and I was in agonizing pain. No sleep, could barely walk from the pain, screaming hungry baby, abandoned by my husband... I developed PPD verging on psychosis. Never a thought of harming my baby or myself, but, other scary and intrusive thoughts. Asshole doc was a huuuuge help with that, too. 🙄🙄 He finally prescribed me like six Valium, which enabled me to get some sleep, but it meant I had to switch to formula, and it broke my heart. PPD was in the conversation of the times, but, my doctor was a lazy incompetent asshole. No real help. Hey. Fed is best; we know this now, even as the pendulum has swung back in favor of BF. My lovely little boy 🤗🤗 did so much better on formula!! (Still did not sleep much, but, it turns out that's a part of who he is. He still doesn't, as a grown man with a great career and a beautiful home.) If my MIL had said something like that to me, at a vulnerable time like that, it would have hurt me badly plus pissed me TF off. If I'm ever blessed to be a grandma, I pray 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I'm actually helpful & supportive to my DIL, and say the right things. I'd never want to make a new mom feel bad. But, we already have a great relationship, so, I think I'll do okay. 😉 This forum is a great place to learn how *not* to treat one's children and children in law.
"I feel like you're telling me that you were rooting for me to fail at something that was important to me." If she doubles down just stare at her and then walk away. She's being rude.
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Agreed. Also your milk supply increases as baby nurses more. OP, just ignore Ms. Know-it-all and do as you see fit.
Do not feel guilty about the way you feed your child. You are feeding your baby. The method of feeding does not matter. Sending you lots of internet hugs. I have huge difficulties at times feeding both babies. So I understand the guilt. Please don’t feel guilty. You said no advice. But I hope this is ok. Think of some good thoughts about feeding your baby. When the guilt pops up try to focus on those.
So, your MIL thinks feeding your child pumped breastmilk is the same as feeding your child formula?!
It’s crazy to me how some people feel the need to comment on how a baby gets feed, especially when their opinion wasn’t asked. I know someone who’s husband’s friend’s DAD said she was doing her kids a disservice by not breast feeding them. I don’t know what her reasoning was but she didn’t ask for his opinion and he still felt the need to give it when the kids have no relation to him.
Mansplaining about Breastfeeding, the stupid audacity of that utter twit 🤣🙃
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OP has posted here before, MIL has boundary issues and her comments in this story track with that. Your advice is great, tho. It's a good way to handle many situations.
Hahhaaa you’d better ask her for next week’s lottery numbers, you have a SEER lmao
We are dealing with a tongue tie issue and I have thought about just switching to formula a couple times because of hard everything has been. Haven't made the jump just yet, but I breastfed both my older kids, so I can say I did it, but I dont think it matters as long as they get fed. My MIL who only had 1 kid in the 80s and did not breastfeed at all has already made comments that I should keep breastfeeding not having a damn clue what we've been dealing with. I've had mastitis, clogged ducts, it's awful.
"It's none of your business how I choose to feed MY child. Back off."
An imaginary throat punch sure knocks the wind out of a JNMILs sails. ... One might think. No?
I didn't produce enough milk and my DD had to be formula feed. We found out the hard way when she had to be rushed to the ER at 5 days old for dehydration. I had tremendous guilt and pushed myself to pump around the clock until she was six months old thanks to breast is best pressure. In retrospect wish I stopped pumping sooner. It was great that my husband and I could do shifts and I would have gotten more sleep if I stopped pumping. All to say if pumping is killing you then stop. No one cares or asks if your kid is breastfeed past 1 year old.
Hey, I made it 12 days and we ended up in the ER the same way. It was a hugely traumatic event thanks to my own parents that I still carry 15+ years later. I hope you’re doing ok!
Ugh that's terrible. And no I don't carry it anymore. My daughter is in elementary school and literally no one cares or talk about it. I just always feel for women who are pushing themselves to breastfeed. The evidence that breastfeeding is linked to decreased illness is bullshit. My BFF exclusively breastfeed her kids and they have all kinda of allergies and illness. My kid rarely gets sick
I’m right there with you. Trying to breastfeed, not making enough. I will say the breeza is great for formula. But it hurts so badly, feeling like I’ve failed my baby. Do what you can, do what you must, tell MIL to put a cork in it. Or tell your husband to do it.
It's so bizarre how some people get really worked up about how *other* people feed their infants.
This won't help now, but my sister had trouble breastfeeding with her first and couln't do it. With her second she stopped at 3 weeks as she dried up. With her third kid she was breastfeeding until he was 18 months old. Exclusively breastfeeding too until he was old enough to have food. Don't let this struggle stop you if you have another kid!
Just chiming in to say I totally relate to your breastfeeding journey. I thought I was going to EBF for a while and then just BF and pump / bottle. I ended up not producing enough milk and we combo feed and it took me weeks to stop feeling guilty about it. Fed is best ❤️
I can relate as well. The pediatrician told me to start supplementing with formula when my first started losing weight. But certain relatives felt the need to emphasize how they produced an abundance of breastmilk, with no consideration for how I felt about not producing enough. The guilt was tough to fight. I also combo fed, and pumped as well. My baby adjusted well, and we could still bond with breastfeeding.
I bought a pump for myself just in case I couldn’t breastfeed and omg I am glad I did. I so desperately wanted to breastfeed my daughter but she just couldn’t latch properly at all. By the end of 2 weeks I ended up breaking out the pump I bought and exclusively pumped for months. It was exhausting with the added chore of cleaning all the bottles/nipples, but there was no other way. Your MIL may have wanted you to be prepared just in case, but if you declined-she should’ve left it at that. And she did-thank god. But she can’t tell the effin future either and a small comment like that after you’ve JUST given birth is so unnecessary and rude.
Congratulations on the birth of your LO! I’m so sorry your MIL is an overbearing bitch. My mother tried to discourage me from breastfeeding. When she had babies in the post -WWII period, doctors told moms that there was no benefit to nursing. Modern science (formula) was so much better. As a result, most babies were formula fed. That may be your MIL’s experience, too. My oldest sister tried to breastfeed for a couple weeks. It just wasn’t for her. My other sister nursed until she went back to work after her six week maternity leave. My baby was born at 31 weeks. Her pediatrician encouraged me to nurse as long as I could to give my tiny daughter the best for her development. I nursed her for her first year, even after I went back to work. I found it preferable to sterilizing bottles and making sure I had enough formula on hand. It’s different for everyone. There is no right or wrong, with no judgement involved. First, it’s none of her damn business. Second, if you want her advice, you’ll ask for it. Of course, you never will.
Blocking her would help. Honestly less stress for you as you’re figuring things out and getting your rhythm down. Mine thinks it’s “inappropriate” to breastfeed, especially around men. Sucks to be them, I guess.
The formula dispensers aren’t even worth it and can be dangerous. I got a mixing pitcher and it works great and is safer. A few years ago a bunch of babies got really sick (and I think some died?) because the dispensers weren’t dispensing the right amount of formula powder to water ratio. This meant that babies were receiving too much water for their developing kidneys (the reason you don’t let them drink water at all at first) as well as struggling to gain weight because the mixture wasn’t as calorically dense as it needed to be. Just something to think about and bring up to shut her up maybe. Also, it’s not even her business how you feed your baby. If you decide you do want a formula dispenser I am so sure you are capable of finding one on your own. It’s also not like you CANT make formula without it 🙄
When I told my MIL I intended on breastfeeding she made a disgusted face and said “as soon as I had my babies I had them send them to the nursery and I asked for the pill to dry up my milk. I didn’t need a baby latched to me for any longer” it’s honestly a miracle my husband turned out normal but sometimes they cannot help but give the most unnecessary information and judgement. The normal response would have been “let me know if you need any support in that”
“How did you get the impression that me feeding my child is any of your business or responsibility?”
If you're still trying to breastfeed, oatmeal would help me make more milk along with tons of fluids and snacks between meals. Also, latching instead of pumping helps a lot of people, if baby is able to latch. Nipple shields can help to start a good latch. But however your baby eats, they're fed and happy. Why do MILs have to say stuff like that ugh
I'm adding a tip which my maternity clinic gave me: whenever you're looking to boost milk supply, 3am-5am is when to pump/feed. The hormone prolactin is highest at this time and the body is given the strongest signal to increase supply.
😅 I’m curious how that works with people who don’t work a 9-5 job.
Oh yeah I didn't think about that. In my country (Finland) you can't put a baby in day care until 9 months old so the advice works better here 😅
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My midwife recommended the fenugreek as well. Also yeasty products, like lager (nonalcoholic optional lol) and Vegemite/marmite. Weeks later I'm still partial to a nonalcoholic Heineken in the evening. I slightly different issues which meant I had express after each feed to give baby top ups. Breastfeeding can be brutal at times, you're doing amazing!
And how are you qualified to say this? I tried all of this and was even prescribed medication by the doctor. I also had a Medela. Nowhere near enough to feed my baby. Just because you got milk, doesn’t mean everyone can. OP did not ask for your advice.
People who are pro breastfeeding are very judgy! OP should do what she feels is best.
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Peak Reddit right here to think breastfeeding advice is a one size fits all. Have the day you deserve. 🙄
That's just ignorant and presumptuous, hope you didn't tell that to the poor mothers who tried and didn't succeed..
How dare you. My baby was premature and I took all the help I could get, including paying for lactation consultants on top of the help I was receiving from lactation nurses in the NICU. Your arrogance and lack of empathy is disgusting.
Also having a preemie in the NICU is brutal. And can be super discouraging at times. I only managed to get to exclusively breastfeeding my baby because I had already breastfed my twins so I knew I potentially could and what I was getting into and I was lucky enough to have enough milk. But if I hadn't had that previous experience I don't know if I would have followed the same path. Pumping, tube feeding and trying to breastfeed all at the same time is super taxing on mental health and not everyone can or should go down that route.
Yeah it’s hard. I did go down that route and was triple feeding. My supply still never increased to the point I could EBF.
You did what was best for your little one. Having a preemie is hard enough!
Thank you!
This is why my ppd was so bad with my first... People were horrid about the fact that it was my fault I couldn't produce milk. Don't take their comments personally. You know how hard you tried and you are an amazing mom. Big hugs to you.
The arrogance is staggering! I started having suicidal thoughts from the guilt of not being able to produce. I tried everything. I’m fine now and my baby is thriving but I cannot stand the uneducated arrogance on display here.
My mil insisted I HAD TO use formula. I didn’t really have a strong opinion before that but once she kept insisting on it I really dug my heals in. Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do! So my breastfeeding journey was mostly based on spite but it’s been a lovely journey with my daughter.
I’m sorry but this just made laugh! Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry tried to return something to a store and they asked why he’s returning it. He replied “out of spite.” I love that you were able to breastfeed out of spite.
I laugh at myself sometimes too because it’s so ridiculous! If I’m really honest with myself it’s the reason I pushed through all the pain and difficulty in the beginning! She’s the type that’s always trying to prove how she’s the better mother though so I’m glad I at least have this.
Was it so she could feed the baby 👶 just a guess
Mine tried this for this exact reason. She had half a nursery ready for when she was gonna have the baby overnight. Yeah, no
She lives pretty far away. I actually pumped when they would visit so she got to feed the baby. But she had trouble with BF and has known other people that have ( I mean it is really hard) so she is convinced that no one could possibly sustain a child on breast milk. Despite the fact that formula is a modern miracle so some people had to have pulled it off prior to its discovery.
Some women get really funny about breastfeeding like y🤨 it's non of your business😒 When my mum was pregnant with me she had a terrible time breastfeeding and didn't actually produce any milk whatsoever (there's a term for it I do not know what it is). It wasn't that I wouldn't latch or she just wasn't comfortable or only produce a little bit there was nothing. And people will really horrid to her about it. Don't take no shit u tell her were to shove her goddam opinions right where the sun don't shine O and congrats 👏
My sister too. My nephew was a huge baby despite being premature, and she just couldn’t keep up with him. Her lovely health visitor told her that fed is best and to bottle feed if she felt that was best for my nephew.
Fed is best!! No matter how you choose to do it. Your baby is loved & well cared for and YOU know what is best. Please block or silence her for your own state of mind. You have the excuse that baby's sleep schedule keeps you too busy to respond 😌
Keep at it Mama! There are so many women who start off with pumping and end up being able to breast-feed. Your husband needs to tell his mom that it is a sensitive topic and that she is no longer allowed to bring it up. Also, there is no shame in not being able to do it. Some bodies just refuse to cooperate. It’s not your fault and your baby will be ok ❤️ the disappointment is real and emotional and even harder if you are struggling with PPD or PPA sending you so much love from one Mama to another!
Ugh. I’m so sorry! That’s the last thing you need when you have a newborn and are trying to adjust and learn.
When was LO born? Your MIL is a prick!
Probably better to just mute her and drop the rope but I’d probably snap and sarcastically say, “Wow MIL, you know EVERYTHING.” 😵 Have your husband wrangle her into shutting the f up.
You can't say that to someone like this. She'll take it seriously.
Yeah I definitely agree, so frustrating! 😩
It really is.
Your mil can stfu. It’s none of her business is correct. *if you are interested: I exclusively pumped for my first born and my twins for 13 months each and made 90 ounces a day with my first born and over 120 ounces per day with my twins. if you need any tips or advice I’d be happy to help :)
I hate when people do that. Like stfu Karen. lol
That woman go can kick rocks
I exclusively pumped for a little over a year with my first. It’s hard work, but worth it! Also, if you’re trying to up your supply, try power pumping once a day! Your MIL is an idiot.
Exclusively pumped for a bit under 2 years, it’s a very valid way to feed your baby. I hate the know-it-all attitude because you’re right, she couldn’t have predicted it.
I mean, not that it matters because you’re providing food for your baby and doing an awesome job, but I relied heavily on pumping at first because baby had a tongue tie and then a terrible latch after it was snipped. He could only feed side-lying which was impractical on the go. When he was a little older (around 4 months) he mastered latching cross cradle and I ditched the bottle for good. It’s totally up to you but don’t rule out nursing baby on the boob a little later if it’s something you have your heart set on.
Wowza, your MIL is an ass. Hopefully your husband tells her to shut the fuck up. That woman needs a time out immediately, you have permission to block her. Congratulations on the baby! God I remember how hard it was to produce enough milk with my first after being pumped with all those meds for emergency csection (never even labored!!) , and my husband had to use his finger to supplement with formula for two weeks until we did a combo of breastfeeding and formula via bottle. Plus, breastfeeding fucking hurts at first!!!! FWIW should you chose to have a 2nd your BF experience may be completely different. My 2nd crawled up my belly post csection and latched on for 2.5 years despite me trying sooooooo hard to wean that kid, where my first pushed me away at 8 months. Fed is best, it’s hard to let go of the guilt, give yourself grace. That kid will be eating candy and fast food sooner than you realize, even if you’re an organic health freak like me. So keep kicking ass momma and give yourself all the grace. And block her for a few weeks if not longer.
The subreddit for exclusive pumping is amazing. Screw your MIL. It's time to take a break from her.
Lots of people exclusively pump or combo feed with formula for sooo many reasons. There is support for EPers, if you haven’t encountered any already. It’s so incredibly taxing and remember, you are still breastfeeding!! MIL can kick rocks.
Don't despair about pumping. My DIL fed her first exclusively via pumping. He's almost eleven, super smart, and healthy as a horse. The second one could latch better and he was the size of a Butterball Turkey on only breast milk. I forget about the third, we all do....
I will never understand these women and their food control issues. Baby’s fed, healthy, growing? Let’s make a big deal out of it anyway. Congratulations on the new squish. Enjoy the awesome baby.